Hermione had to get up and retreat to the kitchen, falling back on the traditional British cure for all ailments as she set the kettle to boiling and got the tea cups out, overwhelmed with emotion. Severus cleared his throat and subtly wiped the dampness from his eyes as he continued to read and the formerly silent Rose, began babbling to him.
It was a few days to the hearing, and something had to give. Hermione was being strong, exceptionally so, and had been since she arrived, though Severus knew she would not be able to remain so forever. Severus was also having mixed emotions in regards to the bond he was developing with Rose. He adored Rose, was besotted with her. She was every bit the replica of her mother; kind, generous and caring. But he couldn't help but feel that he was being selfish, by spending so much time with her. Hermione for her part seemed content to allow them to do as they wish, but he couldn't help feeling like he was almost alienating her from her own daughter, though what concerned him more was that she was letting him.
It all came to a head when they were making plans for the day of the hearing, and of all things were planning what to wear. Rose was already in bed, and Severus and Hermione were planning out their formal outfits for the day when he heard her hitching breaths. Turning, he saw he flipping through the clothes, in an excessively forceful manner. One of the first things he'd been taught as a young man about women, was to never come between women and clothes, so though her distress bothered him, he did not intervene. However when a few minutes later a pair of robes were thrown and the wall and promptly incinerated, he decided it was time to step in.
Hermione had collapsed to the floor and was crying, wracking sobs as he hands covered her face. Carefully he approached her, kneeling in front of her small form and reaching out to run his hands down her arms in a soothing manner. When she didn't protest that, he pulled her into his embrace. She went willingly, and pressed her head into his chest, arms wrapping around him like devils snare.
"Talk to me, Hermione. Allow me to be there for you, share your burden" The dam had finally burst, her control that she'd held onto so tightly, had finally broke as she tearfully spilled all of her previously guarded thoughts and fears.
She told him everything, and Severus got to see first hand the utterly complex and contradictory thought process of guilt in the female mind.
She spoke of her anger with her career, for the sheer political shit show she'd dealt with and her anger at herself for not quitting sooner and allowing herself to put up with it for so long, but also she was equally angry with herself that she had quit, and hadn't stuck it out as she'd felt was her duty as she'd wanted a career so much.
She was furious at Ronald, of course that went without saying, but then she was feeling guilty for the small part of her that missed him, and wept for the man now lost to her, who'd been the boy who'd been a huge part of her life since she was 11 years old. Her first kiss, her first love, her first, her husband, the father of her child.
She was horrified at what had happened to Rose, and a small part of her was angry that the girl had not told her anything, and then she was both ashamed and furious with herself for feeling that way.
She was bittersweet about Rose's relationship with Severus. A part of her wished that Rose had that relationship with her real father, and then she felt guilty for feeling that way. She loved the fact Rose was opening up to Severus, but was also slightly jealous of it, and guilty for feeling jealous when she should just be happy for Rose. But was also jealous of the attention Rose got from Severus, wishing that she could be closer to the man herself.
But most of all, she was saddened by the distance she felt from the pair of them, which she freely admitted was self imposed, because she felt like a failure as a mother and did not deserve to be that close to her daughter.
And finally she admitted the thing that frightened her most of all, her romantic feelings for Severus, her shame that she'd hidden it from him but also that she'd now burdened him with it, and the feeling of utter selfishness she felt for feeling that way about him and potentially putting him in a difficult position, but being unable to deny it any longer.
Stuttering to a hiccuping finish, she ended with "And I can't find any robes that don't make my arse look big."
He couldn't help it, he snickered. Her watery eyes met his and he actually chuckled. She attempted to glare at him, but couldn't maintain it, and he face broke into a grin even as she still hiccuped a sob, as she lent her head against his chest.
"My sweet girl, you are a good mother, and there is no reason to feel guilty for the inner workings of your mind. It was an unfathomable situation and you did the very best that anyone could've expected of you, this isolation will stop now, do you hear me?"
She nodded against his chest, and he found himself holding back a smile when he realised she was playing with a lock of his hair, the same way that Rose often did.
"And as for the last thing...to quote a rather knowledgeable source, I would not worry about your arse in those robes, because it's damn fine"