The next morning, she was relieved to be roused by rustling in the kitchen. She cautiously peeked out to find Kiba in the kitchen, prepping away at breakfast like he always did, and she let a smile grace her. He glanced up to find her and nodded but didn't seem to smile. Something inside of her felt knotted at his lack of cheer.
"Good morning," she offered quietly as she approached the bar, peaking at the food he was cooking.
"Sleep okay?" he asked nonchalantly and Hinata huffed a breath, contemplating being honest.
No. You weren't here.
"Yes." She nodded, taking a seat. He nodded once more without looking up. She glanced down at the empty teacup in front of her and wondered if he forgot to pour her tea, or if he was subtly messaging her. She decided to get up and pour herself the tea without question, not wanting to come off as demanding, despite becoming accustomed to certain things here in Kiba's home. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes but remained silent as he laid a plate in front of her seat. She took her seat once more, said thanks, and started.
In awkward silence, they picked at their food individually. Something about this made Hinata feel very wrong. Kiba wasn't one to be quiet, and he couldn't seem to say much since yesterday. She bit her lip as she debated breaking the silence herself but was relieved when he spoke instead. "Hana was saying she wants you to walk the pups, huh?"
"Oh, yes…" Hinata sighed, keeping her eyes on the plate. "I—I think I'd like to, actually."
"Yeah?" Kiba finally looked up at her with interest. "But?"
"I'm…still bound to the village. I would have to get permission to leave."
"From Naruto." Kiba sighed as well, looking back down at his food. He paused a moment before continuing, "for what it's worth, I think you should. I know Naruto will let you, and it'd be good for you."
"Hmm." Hinata hummed reluctantly, pushing the rice on her plate around mindlessly.
"I'll go with you," Kiba offered, eventually resting his eyes on her to gauge her reaction. "If you want, of course."
"Oh…" Hinata swallowed thickly, eyes locked on her plate. The idea of having to speak with Naruto was very much an unwelcome thought. Her nightmares since she had first spoken to him when she returned were split between nightmares of him, Neji, and Kiba. The nightmares of Naruto specifically had increased since she returned, and the anxiety filling her chest at the thought of speaking to him felt suffocating. "I don't know…"
"Up to you." Kiba shrugged, looking back down at his food. The way he wasn't pushing her was odd and made her feel uneasy.
"You won't try to drag me there?" she asked, pointedly. He shrugged again, refusing to look up or respond. "Kiba?"
"No, Hinata." He sighed, setting his chopsticks down. "You made it clear you don't want me to. I've just been making you upset. So, I'll stop."
Hinata locked up at the words. She didn't know why it bothered her so much to have Kiba be so…she didn't know what. Defeated?
"You let me know, okay?" he said somewhat coldly as he got up to dump his plate in the sink. "I'll be at the clinic."
With that, he took off, leaving Hinata feeling confused and somewhat hurt. Had she really had such an effect on Kiba to have him act like this? So indifferent, so aloof? She found herself hating it. What right did he have to act like this with her? After everything? After all she had lost, all she had gone through, he was the victim now?
No.
She breathed a deep sigh. If she wanted any semblance of peace, she knew she had to try to fix this.
After working up the courage, she willed herself to enter the nursery she had been at the day prior. She glanced around for Kiba or Hana, and when she found no one, she brushed past the pups to peak into a window of one of the doors. She found Kiba leaning on a counter as Hana seemed to be giving a shot to a dog on her examination table. She watched for a moment before she saw Kiba's nostrils flair, and his eye catch hers. She gasped as if she had been caught doing something wrong and ducked away. She scurried towards the exit but couldn't leave in time as Kiba emerged from the room she found him in.
"Hinata?" he called, tilting his head questioningly at her as she stopped in her tracks. She sucked in a short breath before turning to face him, giving a weak wave.
"Hello, Kiba," she said, quietly.
"What's up?"
What was up? What was she doing here? She wanted to ask him to walk with her to the Hokage tower but found herself hesitating for some reason. "Just…wanted to see the puppies…"
"Oh?" Kiba perked an eyebrow, resting his hands in his pants pockets. "Well, you're here, huh?"
"Yes." Hinata sighed, stepping forward reluctantly as she reached out to pet an eager pup.
"Hinata?" Kiba questioned once more, stepping towards her. She looked up innocently. "C'mon. What's up?"
"I…" Hinata breathed, knowing she couldn't keep things from him. She raised to her feet and nervously wrung her hands. "I…will you come with me? To the Hokage tower?"
"Huh," Kiba huffed, causing her to look up at him questioningly. She felt relief wash over her as that characteristic smirk graced his features once again. "Yeah. Let's go."
"Thank you," she whispered, hands tightening within each other. He looped his arm into hers and tugged her away, and she finally relaxed. As they walked through the village towards the large tower in the middle, she felt comfortable for the first time in a while.
"It'll be good, for you to get out," he mused after some time. She nodded. "Exercise, fresh air, pups. What could be better?"
"Yes." Hinata finally giggled, finding herself drifting closer to him as they strolled. Once the tower came into full view, however, her stomach tightened. Naruto's face on the Hokage mountain was nearly complete. She thought it didn't look much like him. The features were too sharp, the eyes too narrow. She shook her head as Kiba reached for the entrance of the tower, pulling the door open for her. Once they were inside and climbing the stairs, her feet began to feel heavy. Kiba seemed to take note, tugging her up the stairs.
"Come on. You'll be alright," he whispered gently. She nodded, but her pace did not quicken. Once they were on the top floor and about to approach the assistant's office, she froze. When Kiba went to tug on her to find her dead in her tracks, he frowned. "Hey, come on. It's just…him. It'll be quick."
"I…" Hinata sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like her lungs were being constricted. "I can't."
"Yes, you can." Kiba pressed, stepping in front of her and resting his hands on her shoulders. She gritted her teeth, looking away from his domineering stare. Suddenly, her breathing quickened, and she knew he was sniffing her out. "Hey, I'm proud of you for even considering it," he crooned, gently pulling her into his chest as she began panting, looking everywhere except his eyes, "shh, it's okay."
"It's not," she whispered shakily, not returning his embrace, instead feeling like she was locked in her own skin. "I can't…I can't look at him again."
Kiba was silent for a moment as he gently stroked the back of her head. Then, suddenly, he pulled away from her and pushed her a short distance against the wall next to the door they were to enter. She gasped as he ducked in front of her, locking eyes with her. "Then just think of me, okay?"
"K-Kiba—" She swallowed thickly, scanning his serious expression. Then her vision went black as she suddenly found herself locked in a kiss. It was so sudden, she barely had time to react. His lips were completely covering hers, and his hands were now gripped around her waist. After a moment, she found herself feeling weak against him, the knots in her stomach loosening, replaced with the feeling of butterflies. Just as soon as he had started, he was pulling away just in time for her hands to find the curvature of his neckline. Breathless, she looked up at him with wide eyes. His serious expression remained as he scanned her facial features.
"Think of me," he reiterated in a whisper, reaching up to brush a wild strand of hair from her face.
"Kiba…" she repeated, her breathing shallow as she stared up at him. She found her eyes resting on his lips and couldn't help but feel the need to pull them back toward her. Had she…enjoyed, kissing Kiba?
"Go." He tilted his head to the side, stepping away from her. She audibly gulped, a tiny whine escaping her when he let go of her waist. Now she realized what he had done. She thought briefly of Naruto, those big blue orbs flashing through her mind, but only for the tiniest second, before the thought of Kiba's lips against hers pushed it out. She couldn't even think of Naruto for more than a few seconds. She felt herself…needing Kiba against her again. "Hina." She broke from her trance at his beckoning, finding that smirk on his lips once more. She stared at them for a moment before he spoke again, gently pulling her hands from his neck, "we can do that again after you come back out."
"O-oh—" Hinata's words caught in her throat. She couldn't believe Kiba had rendered her so speechless. He set her hands at her side and softly pulled her by the shoulders to turn, then gave her a gentle push towards the door.
When she finally emerged silently, Kiba looked at her expectantly, clearly attempting to sniff out the answer from her. She slowly pulled her hands from behind her back to reveal a scroll and he raised his eyebrows at it before looking up to find her smiling.
"I—I did it," she whispered cheerfully, then let out a happy gasp as he swooped her up around his waist, pressing her against the same wall he had just kissed her against.
"I knew you could," he said happily, pressing kisses against her forehead and cheeks. She giggled at the show of affection, feeling like her heart was swelling several times its original size. She found herself wrapping her arms and legs around him and holding him, as if he might leave again. He pulled back to admire her, a lopsided grin on his face. "You think of me?"
Hinata bit her lip as she looked up at him as well, unable to wipe the smile off her own face. "Yes, I did."
"Good." Kiba chuckled, leaning down to bring their faces closer to one another, noses pressed against each other.
"Kiba…" she whispered, finding herself running her tongue over her lips as his came very close to her own, the heat of his breath stroking against them.
"Do you want me to kiss you again?" he asked, quietly. Immediately, she nodded, running their noses against each other. A low chuckle left him before he finally gave her what she was silently begging him for. Their lips slid against each other once again, and Hinata felt something deep inside her emerge—some deep need she didn't know she had. His fingers dug into the flesh of her thighs as he held her up and she wasn't sure she ever wanted him to let her go. The feel of another's lips against hers was something remarkable, something she had never truly experienced outside of silly fumbles as teenagers. His lips were smooth, but commanding. He took the lead in all the ways she found herself craving him to.
"Oi." Hinata popped her eyes open to peek out the corner of her eye, finding Shikamaru standing against the doorway with his arms folded. She pressed her hands against Kiba's chest as he refused to pause the kiss, tightening his fingers around her thighs.
"Kiba-" her muffled protest was finally met with him relenting, pulling away to shoot a glare at Shikamaru.
"Could you two maybe do that…I dunno, not here?" Shikamaru rolled his eyes, but his face wasn't completely frowning. He almost looked amused.
"You got it, boss." Kiba chuckled, dropping Hinata from his palms but catching her before she fell. "Tell Naruto I said hey."
"Mhm." Shikamaru sighed as Kiba yanked her away down the hall. Hinata could hear him mutter under his breath "troublesome" as they rounded the corner.
Hinata found herself feeling needy as Kiba dragged her through the village, back to the Inuzuka estates. She was itching to get back as soon as possible, feeling like she needed him against her again. Empty was the best way she could describe how she felt when he pulled away from her. When they finally reached his home, he didn't even completely open the door before he had her against it, forcefully pressing his lips against hers once more. He scrambled to both open and close the door without letting her go and she couldn't help but press herself against him as well. Then, she was against the inside of the door, held against it by Kiba.
Finally, she allowed herself to feel him. Her fingers grazed at the hem of his shirt, hesitantly pressing against the fabric to feel just how hard his abdomen was. She let out a tiny gasp when she felt the defined lines through the cotton against her fingertips, eliciting a tiny snicker in the middle of their kiss. His hands were wandering as well but were careful to stop just under her chest, instead resting on the small of her waist. His mouth devoured hers, and she pushed against him with more force, feeling more confident as they continued.
Suddenly, after several minutes, Kiba pulled away from her and she realized she desperately needed to breathe. Taking in deep swallows of air, he chuckled as he pushed her hair from her face, his fingers tangling into her hair. "Breathe, sweetheart."
"Kiba…" she managed to breathe out in between gasps, her eyelids feeling heavy as she struggled to look up at him.
"Hm?" he questioned with fake innocence, resting his forehead against hers. When he received no response, he grinned down at her. "C'mon. Let's go walk some pups."
"Now?" she asked shakily, biting down on her lower lip as he pulled away from her.
"Up!" he barked with a laugh as he caught her before her knees could buckle underneath her. "I make you weak in the knees, huh?"
"Oh—" she gasped, grabbing his forearms that held her up by the waist. "Quit that!"
"Why?" he asked playfully, much like he did the other night. When she shot him a look, suddenly she softened, realizing she didn't want to go down this road once again.
"I…I don't know." She shook her head, suddenly averting her eyes.
"Because you like it," he teased quietly, pulling her hips towards his own. She gasped as she planted her palms against his chest to stop from stumbling. "Don't worry. I won't tease you too much."
Hinata shook her head, letting a small smile fall on her lips again. As her mind began to clear from the heat of the moment, she managed to right herself and he released her once more. She pushed her hair back behind her ears and straightened out her shirt before looking up at him. "Okay. Let's…let's go!"
Hinata was skipping.
Skipping wasn't something she'd done in…a very long time. Perhaps not since before the war.
But she really did feel lighter, now. As if all her problems were melting away, and nothing really mattered.
Was it foolish to think that everything was fixed? Yes, she knew that. But she hadn't had a genuine moment of happiness in so long that she was choosing happiness, today. It was something she heard Ino say once, years ago, after Sasuke took off for his redemption journey.
"I'm choosing happiness, today."
Happiness indeed.
And Hinata decided that she was perfectly pleased to take every single pup on a walk, even if she had to make trips.
And Kiba seemed perfectly pleased to join her.
Hinata promised the remaining pups she would be back for them before they set out.
"Hey—Hinata!"
For once, a smile was on her face when she looked up at someone beckoning her. That smile immediately fell upon the sight of a pink head of hair.
"Oh my goodness!" Sakura jogged up to her, hands on her knees, out of breath, which would seem unusual for the most powerful kunoichi of their generation.
Unusual, if it weren't for the rather large bump protruding from her middle.
She could feel Kiba freeze next to her.
"Saku—" the name died in her throat. Her mouth went dry, her limbs paralyzed, the clutch on the leashes all too tight. The pups whined and tugged, untrained as just babies, and Kiba gently coaxed the leashes from her hand.
"I couldn't believe it!" Sakura beamed and threw her arms around Hinata. "When Ino said you were back!"
"Y—Ye—Yes—" Hinata's chest was full, and not of affection. Pure, unadulterated anxiety. Panic was gripping her, hard. Even harder than seeing Naruto.
Sakura seemed to take note, her arms falling away from her as she backed up. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I see you're busy with these cuties!" She giggled as she crouched down and reached out for the pups to lick her hand.
"Where you off to, Sakura?" If Kiba had been panicked by the interaction, he had quickly brushed it off and taken the lead, casual as ever. He stepped towards Sakura. "No hug for Kiba, huh?"
"Oh, hush," Sakura said with a laugh, giving him a side hug, "ah, I was having cravings so I'm off to…ugh, it's embarrassing to admit it, but Ichiraku's." She covered her mouth, rolling her eyes. "That idiot's had an effect on me, or maybe it's the kid, huh?" She glanced down at her own belly. "Probably gonna be a die-hard ramen fan, too, with my bad luck."
Kiba laughed and Hinata could actually recognize the kind of laugh it was. It was the kind he used when they went on missions, when they were trying to get information, or let in somewhere. Charming, charismatic, completely fake. Hinata tried to control her breathing.
"Well, if the kid demands it, you better go get it huh?" Kiba gestured north. "These pups are itching for a walk anyway, so we better get going. Hey-hey!" He bent over to soothe a particularly rowdy pup who was now spinning in circles and barking wildly. "Alright boy—or are you a girl? Ah, there's so many of you! Well, anyway—" He gestured now to the gates. "We better be off. Don't be a stranger!"
"You, too!" Sakura turned her attention to Hinata and reached out to grab her hands. They were clammy. "And Hinata, I really wanna catch up. All us girls should get together now that you're back, right? But…I really…" Her voice went quieter as she stepped forward. "I'd like to have a heart-to-heart, y'know?"
Y'know.
Y'know.
Y'know.
Hinata swallowed, eyes growing large, and she knew tears were emerging, so she turned away. In a shaky voice, her best effort at composure: "Yes, Sakura, that would b-be lovely. Please—"
"Alright, alright!" Kiba hooked an arm around Hinata's neck and dragged her away. "You ladies and your gossip! I'm tired of it, look at poor Yorimaru!"
"Sorry, sorry!" Sakura laughed, holding up her hands. She gasped and put one of them on her stomach. "Oof! Yeah, babies making demands anyway. See you two!"
"Yep." Hinata looked up as Kiba's voice went short, and they were already several meters away.
Her body was shaking. She held a hand up in front of her eyes to observe and it was out of control. It almost looked like she was having some sort of episode with the way it moved.
"Hey," Kiba whispered, bringing her in closer, "you're going to be okay. Maybe not right now, but you will be."
You will be.
Hinata felt her breathing come in short bursts. Panting, or maybe hyperventilating. Yes, hyperventilating. Once they were out of the gates and further away from prying eyes, she collapsed.
"Damn!" Kiba cursed, quickly looping the leashes to a nearby tree before crashing to the ground next to her. "Hina? Hina—"
"She's pregnant."
Hinata let the tears come.
How foolish she was.
How ridiculous you look. You look like the village idiot.
"Y…yeah…"
"You knew."
Hinata squeezed her eyes shut and balled her fists, then pushed them into her closed eyes. She was trying so very hard not to let the sobs escape. She felt Kiba's hand rest on her head and she instinctively reached up to smack it away.
"Hey—!"
"Stop it!" Hinata cried, eyes popping open, red with tears and anger. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"
She watched him deflate. Visibly, his shoulders slumped, his face fell into a frown, and his hands dropped into his lap.
"Why wouldn't you tell me?" she gasped out, trying so very hard to control the shake in her voice. "You let me—you let me look like a fool! I was blind-sighted—Kiba, how could you—did Shino know?! H-he had to! Both of you—you don't—you don't care about me!"
Kiba's eyes grew as he listened to her, but he didn't even interrupt this time.
"You just—you just—" Hinata's voice caught with the sob, and it was over. They were going to come, so she embraced it. Embraced the pain.
No happiness today.
She covered her face, squeezed her eyes closed, and pressed one palm into her mouth to force herself to just shut up.
Just shut up. It's all you've ever been good for anyway, right?
"K-K-Kiba—" she choked out, it was muffled by her hand, "why? Please just—tell me why?"
Silence passed over them as Kiba shifted on his knees to sit on his bottom. He crossed his legs and scooted closer. "I didn't…find out until I got back…"
"So?! Y-you still could have told me!"
"You were getting better!"
"Wh-what?"
"You were opening up!" His voice was shaking now, too. "You were staying with me, and then Shino told me, and—and gods Hinata!" His tone was also desperate. "I didn't want to ruin your progress! And—I mean, come on! Look at you! You went to Naruto, willingly, to get permission to go out of the gates! And you did it well! And now you're here, about to walk pups, with—with me—"
"With you!" Hinata sat up, suddenly feeling not just devastated, but angry. "With you, Kiba! You manipulated me!"
"What?!"
"You did!" Hinata accused, pointing a finger at him. "You just—I don't even know what it is you want! You think this is some sort of game and it's my—my life!"
Kiba's jaw dropped as he watched her get to her feet, fists balling up again.
"It's not a game!" Hinata's voice could never get very high, but this was the highest it could go, and that meant something. "I am a shame to my clan, my brother is dead, and now—now I have to watch the only one I've ever loved—"
She stopped and her eyes dropped to the ground, immediately. Because she knew—she knew the consequences of what she had just said.
Even if perhaps her mind was debating with her heart, she knew.
There was a very good reason why Kiba was doing all that he did.
And now she just told him that she's never loved him.
Her hands went limp at her sides, and her shoulders sagged. Just as she deflated as he did, he climbed to his feet, too. Her eyes followed him without lifting her head as he untied the pups and simply…walked away.
Once he was in the distance, a mere dot, she fell on her knees, again.
Like she had so many times. So many times, in the last several years. When Neji's body was recovered. When Naruto proposed to Sakura. When she was forced to the realization that it could never be.
Hinata pressed her forehead into the grass, forcefully, and sobbed.
Loudly. If anyone were to stumble on her, they'd probably think someone had died, or that she was fatally injured. But no one had died and she wasn't gravely hurt.
Except that her brother was dead, and her heart was gravely hurt.
This, this, was why she ran. So she would never have to confront these feelings. Being away, being independent, being someone different, that was what helped her move on, and now she felt like a complete idiot. Her place was never in the Leaf, it had always been away. Just like her place was never in her own clan, passed off to the only sensei willing to take her. Just like her place was never in Naruto's heart, forgotten and cast aside. Just like her place was never by Neji's side, always catching up and never being enough until he was taken. Her place wasn't here. It was away. Away from the pain and the hurt.
As Hinata kneeled on the ground, forearms, and head pressed into the ground, surely leaving grass stains, she cried. She cried harder than she ever had before because it hurt more than it ever had before.
And just like always, she felt arms around her.
Being comforted during her episodes was nothing new, but she had to wonder who it was that was trying to pull her back, now.
Her chest heaved as the arms tightened, and then—
"My sister…"
Hinata's sobs came harder than before at the soft voice behind her.
"My light, my inspiration…my star."
Oh, no.
Hinata couldn't help the way her sobs went harsher, shallower, haggard.
"Please…please…"
"H—Hanabi—" she choked out, a hand reaching up from the grass to encase her sister's around her stomach. Then her little, yet taller sister heaved her up off the ground, and now she was being cradled. She sniffled as her face was pressed into her kimono top, her arms encircling her.
"Don't leave me."
Hinata's breath caught as she instinctively wrapped her arms around Hanabi's waist and locked them there.
"Not again, please. I need…my elder sister."
"I—I—" Hinata couldn't verbalize just how sorry she was at that moment. To everyone she loved. To Shino. To Kiba. To Hanabi. So she just…said it. "I'm sorry."
Silence overcame them as Hinata's sobs fill the air. Hanabi had never been much for crying, so she simply held her in a death grip. One that was horribly tight, suffocating even, but was exactly what Hinata needed.
Hanabi took a long, deep breath. As if collecting her thoughts. Then, she spoke "I forgive you. I will always forgive you, elder sister. I love you. I love you with my entire heart."
Hinata almost wished she could escape this. Because it was exactly the same sentiment Hinata had given Hanabi, all those years ago. When Hanabi defeated Hinata. When Hanabi was named heiress to the clan. When Hinata had to look down on Hanabi and tell her that no matter what, she loved her.
But now, Hinata knew it was a kindness her sister was offering. A kindness to be forgiven, to hold onto some sort of semblance of hope, something that was real between them. Something that could never be replaced or replicated. Hinata loved Hanabi with her entire heart, from the moment she was born. And now, Hanabi was making sure she knew it, too.
And just that simple gesture…well, it was enough to quell her racing, frantic heart, for a moment.
"Hanabi, my…" Hinata gasped for breath, clutching onto the material of her shirt, "my sweet sister…I love you, too."
Hanabi's breath stopped for a few moments. Then her fingers started to trace circles into her scalp, soothing. Hinata leaned into the touch, just as Hanabi had leaned into her touch as a young girl. Hanabi sighed, pressing a kiss into the top of her head, and Hinata had to wonder: how did we end up like this?
Happiness wasn't in the cards, and she wondered if it ever would be.