I love you.
It was always so weird to hear.
You'd think that sentence would be straightforward. Easy to read. Easy to decipher. They love you. Why else would they say it?
Right?
Not to me. I never had a good relationship with those three little words.
They were words that my parents would say right after they berate me for the smallest of things.
I would fuck up, and I knew that I was only human. Humans made mistakes. No one was perfect. But that never warranted all the things they'd say to me.
"I love you, though… We just want what's best for you. You understand, don't you? We love you so much…"
I scowled. Yeah, it sure felt that way. Needless to say, I saw through that bullshit real fast. They never loved me.
They just needed someone to yell at and scream their disgust at, disguising it as love. Disguising it as caring and loving—a way to protect me and keep them safe—but it was all a lie. They never did love me.
They just wanted someone to blame. Someone to control. Someone to toy with.
Maybe that was why I felt so different around my romantic partner.
The way they said I love you was different.
It felt real.
It felt genuine.
They never said I love you right after they berated me or shamed me. They said I love you after I won musical battles or go out of my way to buy them gifts and other little things when I never truly needed to.
There was something about being surrounded by those that for once didn't leave me with a hollow feeling of disgust or annoyance. Instead, it left a warm and fuzzy feeling in my chest and slowly spread through my body, leaving me cozy and safe.
So here I was, cuddled up beside my beloved as they had an arm draped around me, holding me close while we just enjoyed each other's company.
"I love you."
For the first time in my life, I knew I could believe those words. I could trust them being spoken aloud and that it was not being hidden by a lie or pain. It was the first time I could say them back with just as much genuine love in my own voice.
"I love you too."