Sorry for the long break! Hopefully this chapter will make up for that :)
XXX
To say the day was long would be an understatement of the century. My head was pounding painfully most of the time and Shane seemed to notice that, as he went easy on me today. As much as I hated to admit that, I was pretty grateful that the bastard didn't make any mocking comments about my state.
I couldn't be more relieved to be back at the farm, though. I asked Patricia, who was in the kitchen if I could grab a quick shower and after she agreed, I ran off to the bathroom, casting a quick glance at Rose playing with Beth. The latter sent me a reassuring smile, while letting the baby tap her hand on an empty pot.
I reached the bathroom and locked the door carefully. Undressing quickly from the stinking clothes, I jumped under the shower. When I felt the cool water hit my body, I sighed with content. I allowed myself to relax for a minute and started scrubbing my body carefully with the soap. When I felt content with myself, I left the shower and brushed my hair and teeth quickly, trying to lose as little time as possible.
The feeling of being squeaky clean was a luxury nowadays, and I knew I shouldn't abuse the hospitality of Hershel's family in both the consumption of water and taking care of Rose. Thus, I left the bathroom, ignoring the grumbling of my belly and went to check on Daryl quickly.
As I approached the room, I knocked on the door. No response came from inside, but I went in anyway, manners be damned. For a second I thought Daryl was asleep, but he was just lying motionlessly, staring through the window, his body covered with a thin blanket almost completely.
"Hey," I murmured, walking around the bed to face him. He glanced at me and frowned.
"Ya look like shit." He said matter-of-factly, and I couldn't help but chuckle hearing that. I shook my head a bit as I stopped in front of him, blocking the fading sunlight with my body.
"That's rich coming from a guy who lays in a bed in a half-drugged state with a gunshot wound and several dozens of stitches." I said mockingly. He must have been more drugged than I thought, as a small smile appeared on his face at my words and before I could think about it, I felt a smile spreading on my lips as well. Suddenly, he became more serious.
"Nothing?"
I shook my head, looking down. We've been wandering around that damn forest for most of the day and Shane kept muttering something about wasting time, as we didn't come across a single trace of Sophia. However, I decided it wasn't something I should tell to Daryl, the guy who was impaled on his own arrow AND shot for the girl. Well, looking for her.
"How are you?" I asked, and he looked almost angry at the question. His eyes now moved to the wall in what I thought was an attempt to show me his current state was nothing to worry about. That, or he just found the white wall extremely interesting.
"'M fine. Gonna leave you the room tonight," he muttered. I looked at him, deciding to leave that matter for that moment, and pointed at the blanket.
"Can I take a look?"
Wordlessly, he moved the cover, wincing slightly. I approached him slowly and looked at the stitched wound on his stomach. It looked quite good, actually, all things considered. It wasn't really swollen and the stitches were holding up pretty well.
"Now the back, okay?" I said and made a movement to get behind him, but I noticed how stiff he went and stopped in my tracks.
"If that one's good, so is the other." Daryl murmured, glaring at me. I nodded, regarding him carefully. Something told me to drop the matter for now, though I couldn't stall it forever.
"Okay. But I still think you should rest here, on the bigger bed. Chances that you will accidentally rip off your stitches are smaller here," I said.
"I wanna go back." something in his demeanor and pursed lips told me we could bicker for the rest of the day and I wouldn't win it.
I sighed, fighting the urge to shake my head in disbelief, "Okay, so at least let me give you some morphine again."
Another shake of his head. "Jus' antibiotics."
"You're one stubborn man," I murmured, but obeyed, taking a bit too big dose of the antibiotic and mixing it with water. It wasn't a perfectly textbook-compatible solution, but it should do the trick, helping him heal a bit faster.
I was trying to figure out a way to make sure he was safe and the most crazy idea came to my mind. I quickly weighed all the pros and cons that occurred to me and made one of the craziest decisions in my life. Feeling a blush creep its way up to my face, I fixed my gaze on the syringe as I said, "I'll stay with you tonight, then."
"What?" Daryl's voice was full of suspicion and something more — disbelief, maybe? I took a deep, steadying breath. Why I wanted to do that, I couldn't really tell, but there was no going back. I checked the syringe for any air, shaking it slightly.
"What do you mean?" I cast what I hoped was a calm and collected glance at his face, as he offered me his arm for the injection, "I want to make sure you don't screw my work tossing around. And let me tell you: those stitches?" I grinned wickedly, putting the syringe away, "Masterpiece."
He still stared at me suspiciously, and I started wondering if I hadn't crossed a line. Even as I opened my mouth to voice my idea, I wasn't so sure about it myself. Because well, the stitches were one part. The other? I just wanted to be in his tent, in this space which made me feel really secure, for one more night before I would let it go. Was it okay? No, not really. Was it selfish? As fuck. Could I bring myself to care? At that point, not really.
"What about the kid?" He asked, but his demeanor seemed to weaken. He had a really weak spot for kids and taking good care of them. It probably meant he was neglected as a child, but I figured it wasn't a topic I wanted to bring up at that moment.
"Well, Patricia made her some sort of crib from a wooden box. I can take her with me, if you don't mind a crying baby. It's still warm during the night." my voice was quiet, but I could tell he heard me perfectly, as his body stiffened the slightest bit.
"Rick made you do that?" Another question left Daryl's mouth as if he wasn't able to stop. Now he wasn't even looking at me, as something was definitely bugging him. I started wondering how much of his attitude was him wanting to stay the fuck alone, and how much was about his insecurities and zero self-esteem or lack of faith that someone could care for him.
I sighed and stood in front of the man, crossing my arms over my chest, sending him a serious look, "No one made me do anything. I want to make sure you're a-ok. Is that so hard to believe?"
The lack of answer and the way his gaze fell to the ground made my heart fall a little.
"But don't leave the kid." he murmured almost inaudibly.
"Won't do." I promised, wondering if he meant tonight or always. Whichever was the case, I hoped to stay alive to hold to my word.
XXX
I could've seen the looks the group was sending my way when I was carrying Rosie's box into Daryl's tent. Shane seemed to be annoyed, Rick mostly concerned and Glenn — confused. At that point, I couldn't help but wonder whether my sanity took off running away and when exactly did it happen, so I didn't blame them for those looks.
Beth was following close behind me with the baby in her arms. She kept telling me I could leave Rose with her for one more night, but I knew Daryl would probably just kill me in my sleep if I did that — and he'd wait that long only because he was pretty battered and unable to murder me with one movement while I was awake.
As I set the box right next to the bed, I turned to the girl and smiled at her. "Thanks a lot, for the help and yet another set of clothes."
"Don't mention it," Beth smiled gently, and I took Rosie from her arms. The kid was really quiet, and I had been wondering a couple of times if that was just her or the babies in general were like that.
Beth bit her lip, "Are you sure about that?"
I could mock her and ask what she meant, but I saw the same question written in everyone's eyes, so I decided it wasn't exactly the time to joke around. Instead, I smiled reassuringly and said, "Positive."
"Okay." Beth said slowly, putting an unruly strand of hair behind her ear. Then, she bit her lip and offered quietly, "If anything happens, just come back, dad won't mind, he likes you."
"Thank you." I smiled. She nodded her head again and left the tent, leaving me alone with Rose. I started wondering what could happen that they were so scared of — Daryl didn't strike me as a rapist type and well, even if I was wrong, it's not like he could force himself on me in his current condition.
Face it, he wouldn't have to force himself at all, silly girl.
I shook my head, as if it could help me get rid of the unwanted, slightly bothering thoughts. I adjusted Rosie in my arms and looked around.
Rick told me he will help Daryl out soon, before they leave for the shooting training. Shane asked me a couple of times if I wanted to come and when I refused, he just stared at me in disbelief. Even when I told him what I explained to Beth and Patricia, he still seemed to be unconvinced. I had to promise to show him my shooting skills tomorrow to make him back away.
Rosie cooed in my arms, looking around curiously. I smiled, thinking she was probably weighing her possibilities on chewing something. I made a mental note to ask Lori how old the little girl might be. I literally never saw a baby so small, as I didn't have any in my family and my pediatrics classes specified time intervals for the acquisition of some specific skills by the infants, which did not particularly help me to adjust to the approximate age. For me, she could have been 6 or 10 months old with all of my not very extensive knowledge in that matter.
"Now there, Beth gave you a blanket, would you like to explore a bit?" I smiled at Rosie. In all honesty, I didn't know how I felt with having a child, who wasn't even mine, at the age of 24, but did I really get to choose in that matter?
I've set Rose on the blanket on the ground, careful to place her as far from potentially dangerous spaces as possible. Then, I figured Daryl might want some alone time, and he allowed me to be here for the night, not to bug him 24/7. I looked at the dirty clothes I could smell last night and then at the baby. Could I do it on my own with her nearby? Yesterday it wasn't that hard.
Before I was able to make a decision, I heard heavy footsteps approaching the tent. I quickly moved to the side, dragging Rose's blanket across the ground lightly. The little one laughed happily, and I couldn't help but smile at the sound. The tent flaps opened and Daryl moved in with Rick hot on his heels.
"Told ya I can do it on ma own." Daryl muttered grimly, standing in the doorway and turning around to look at Rick. The man nodded.
"Alright. We're going shooting, I'm leaving you with Victoria."
Daryl snorted, clearly indicating he had a different opinion when it came to him needing a babysitter, but at that point both me and Rick knew better than to argue with him. Instead, the cop bid his farewell and left me with Daryl standing awkwardly in the entrance of his own tent. I cleared my throat to get his attention and he turned slowly towards me.
"I have the bed for the baby and Dale promised to look for a sleeping bag for me," I said and the male stared at me. I felt awkwardly small, me sitting with legs crossed on the ground and him towering over me in a not so small tent. I got up quickly, noticing absentmindedly that Rose was eyeing Daryl curiously, "Come on, let's get you comfortable."
"I can do it on ma own." He said grumpily, not making a movement. I sighed and fought the urge to roll my eyes at him.
"Yes, I know you can. But we want the stitches to remain where they are and each sudden movement might change that," I dusted my hands, from what, I didn't really know, but I needed to do something as I moved towards him, "I will not touch you unless it's necessary, okay? I'll just guide you."
"Afraid of the fleas again, princess?" Daryl barked, looking down at me with a bemused expression.
Daryl Dixon was a fucking enigma. I couldn't help but laugh at his attitude. He cocked an eyebrow at me, pressing his lips in a thin line. I started to notice he did that when he felt insecure and the laugh died on my lips as soon as it started. I cleared my throat and looked up at him, trying to look as serious as possible.
"No, Daryl. I know as a fact you don't have fleas," I said, smiling lightly at him. His eyes never left my face and I felt a bit like a prey standing in front of a dangerous hunter who tried to assess whether it was worth his time. For some wicked reason I didn't want to think about, it made me feel aroused, not scared, but I moved that thought from my head, trying to stay focused, "I did some of those stitches and haven't seen any." I stopped for a second, careful with my next words, "I just noticed you don't like touching. You flinch every time I do that, and I want to respect your boundaries."
He was now chewing his lower lip, and it took a lot for me to look away and stare straight into his eyes, not on his mouth. When he didn't say anything, I asked quietly, "Am I correct?"
No response left his mouth, but he kept staring at me, unblinking. I bit my lower lip, deciding the conversation was probably over. Slowly, I reached both my hands toward him and grabbed his own delicately. He didn't react, which was quite a success at that point, and I took a careful step back. To my great relief, he followed suit. I could feel many calluses on his big hands and I had to fight the urge to rub on them. His rough skin felt weirdly comforting on mine and I savoured the feeling.
The bed hit my left calf from behind as I finally reached it, and I snapped out of my idiotic thoughts. "Alright, now we will slowly turn around, okay?"
He nodded, and I felt even hotter under his unwavering stare, as he followed me obediently. He then started slowly sitting down, and I noticed a wince of pain on his face, so not thinking a lot, I grabbed his elbows, slowing him down. I murmured almost into his ear, as he was partially bent, "Slower, please."
He stiffened, but didn't pull back, which — again — was a huge success in my eyes. We managed to get him into a sitting position with me kneeling between his parted legs, but by then I was as red as a raw tomato, and it had completely nothing to do with the effort, as I could feel he was controlling his weight and only allowing me to adjust the tempo.
The effect he had on me was incredible, and it was like nothing I felt before. Hell, I had boyfriends, I didn't really believe in all that 'stay pure for your husband' stuff, but no one ever made me feel like that, and I was slightly worried. The middle of some sort of undead apocalypse wasn't the right time to hook up, if you ask me.
"Ya can let go now," he murmured, and I felt utterly stupid, pulling my hands back and moving from between his legs. I clasped my fingers awkwardly in my lap and chewed on my lower lip nervously, looking at Daryl's knees. At that moment, Rosie babbled something, getting all the attention in the tent and I never felt more grateful for her presence. I quickly moved to stop her from chewing on Daryl's backpack handle and scooped her into my arms, so now both of us were seated in front of the man. He was making me so awkward I almost felt like running away. The baby, on the other hand, seemed to be at ease in his presence and I honestly envied that attitude.
"I can take the ground, ya know." Daryl murmured, snapping me out of my thoughts, "Am used to that."
"Forget about that. There is a big chance you will soil the wounds," I shook my head, allowing Rosie to lean towards Daryl. Yet again he moved his hands, allowing her to inspect them carefully, "Besides, the ground is hard, stitches would loosen at each movement."
For a moment we both looked at Rose, who did her best to pull the man's index finger into her mouth and when I looked back up, I noticed a small smile lighting up Daryl's face. I quickly looked away, not wanting to spoil the moment for him. Just then we noticed a shadow standing in front of the tent and Dale's voice warned us, "It's me, I'm coming in!"
The man appeared in the tent, smiling lightly, "I have the sleeping bag. It's thin, but enough for the warm nights we have now."
"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed happily, grabbing it from him with one hand. I noticed with satisfaction there was a small pillow bundled in the sack.
"You're welcome," his smile widened, and then he turned his attention to Daryl, suddenly serious, "Are you okay?"
"'M fine. She's fussing 'round enough, spare me," he grumbled and Dale chuckled lightly, but the mirth didn't quite reach his eyes.
"She didn't mean it, you know," the old man said quietly, staring at Daryl intently, "Andrea is feeling really guilty because of what she did. She wanted to come herself, but they already drove for that shooting lesson. She asked me to give you this and said she will come by later."
Dale handed Daryl a book and the latter accepted it, not even looking at the cover. Then, the older male smiled gently again, "I'll be holding watch, if any of you need anything, I'm nearby."
"Thank you," I smiled as well and Daryl just nodded his head. With that, Dale left the tent and I eyed the book curiously, "So you'll have something to do."
Daryl snorted, looking at the over "Do I look like an adventure book kind of guy?"
"You tell me," I smiled at him, yet again earning myself a stare. I sighed quietly, deciding it was time to change the subject, "I've been thinking I might wash your clothes when the sun is still up, will it be okay if we leave for now?"
Another long look, before he finally said, "Ya don't have to do that, ya know."
"But I want to. Clean clothes are nice."
"I don' mean that," he said quietly, suddenly looking away, "Not only that. I mean everything. Ya don't have to look after me."
I honestly didn't know what to say. I always thought I knew a way to talk myself out of anything, but Daryl was leaving me speechless almost on an everyday basis at that point. I took a deep breath and tried to look him in the eye, but his gaze was now fully focused on Rosie's hands toying with a zipper on his pant's pocket below his knee, "But I want to, okay?"
There was a short silence, followed by a quiet question from him, "Why?"
"Because I want you to be okay."
"But why does it matter to ya?"
I smirked at him, trying to move the attention from my uneasiness, "Are you interrogating me?", when his gaze moved to my face, I answered his original question, "Because you are a fellow human being in need, isn't that enough?"
He pursed his lips, tense again. "Shouldn' be, princess. World's full of bad people nowadays."
"Not all of them are bad." I murmured, staring at the back of Rose's head with newly found intensity.
XXX
I found myself cleaning Daryl's shirts and oh boy was it a task. To say he didn't really pay attention to his clothes could be compared to saying the zombies were just a minor setback in the history of humanity. The blood, which I grimly hoped was ketchup after all, along with grease and so many other substances I wasn't sure I wanted to identify — all of that on a couple of shirts was making my attempts to wash the clothes close to impossible.
Rose had been playing next to me in a tree's shadow and after like an hour of my weak attempts at doing laundry, Daryl joined us. I was surprised to say the least by both the fact he decided he wanted my company and that he managed to get up on his own. He grunted quietly as he sat down slowly next to Rose, and then he lowered himself to the ground, propping one of his arms over his eyes.
I moved one of my hands to shield my eyes from the sun, "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, why not?" he asked lazily, not changing his position.
"Just making sure, I figured you wouldn't want me to fuss around until the evening and steer clear of me." I mocked, going back to the washing.
Daryl smirked at my words, "Nah, I'm growin' fond of the attention."
"Hope you won't impale yourself on anything again to get even more." I murmured darkly, taking another shirt to wash it.
"Don't worry, princess," he murmured, "Not planning on it."
I scrubbed on the dirty material for a minute and then voiced the question which was in my head for a while now, "What have you been doing before?"
"Just laid in the tent." He murmured. I raised an eyebrow and I could almost swear he smirked under his hand for s second.
"It's not what I'm asking. Okay, let me start," I said cheerfully, stopping the rubbing for a moment, "I was a med student in Atlanta. Lived with my parents nearby and to be honest, now that I think about it, I've spent my free time in the most unproductive ways."
Daryl snorted, still lying with his eyes covered, but didn't offer me any reply. I sighed and pushed the topic, "And you?"
"I wasn't a med student," he murmured, but somehow I could sense he was teasing me a bit, "Wasn't doin' anythin' productive or important. Wasn't anything worth mentioning, princess."
"Oh come on, you had to do something," I insisted, the shirt long forgotten in my hands. Rosie chewed on her own fist, while trying to crawl closer to Daryl, "Don't make me guess."
"Why?", he mocked again, this time removing his hand from his face and looking at me with slightly narrowed eyes, "This might be funny."
"Or annoying," I murmured bemusedly. Biting my lip, I said, "Okay, you don't want to talk about it, I get it. So how about you tell me what you've been doing after the zombies?"
Daryl moved his legs, so now they were bent in the knees in an attempt to make himself more comfortable, "Not much to talk 'bout. Was with ma brother and after a couple o' days we found the group outside of Atlanta. Been with them ever since."
"And where's your brother?", I asked, wondering if I'm pushing another limit. To my great surprise, he just shrugged and responded, without getting angry with me.
"I was out huntin' and he went on a run with the group. He was drugged and messin' around, so they left him cuffed on a roof. When we came back for him, he was gone," Daryl explained quietly. I wanted to ask some more, but I knew he opened enough already, so decided not to push the matter.
Instead, I grabbed his shirt and started scrubbing again. As I spoke, I tried to make my voice as light as humanly possible without sounding cheerful, "See? Wasn't that hard."
I got up from my knees with all the wet shirts in my arms, wincing silently at the pain in my legs. I looked at Daryl and Rosie and decided they were okay to stay alone for a minute.
As I came back, the girl crawled towards the man and tried to climb on him, so I stopped her and moved her back a bit, "Hey, I just patched him up, we want him in one piece at least for 24 hours, okay?"
She babbled something happily and I looked at Daryl. His eyes remained closed, so I guessed he was asleep. I moved my attention back to the baby and cooed to her, "Come on, we will fix you something to eat, huh?"
XXX
It was now evening, and I was eating a meal with the whole group. Daryl however refused to get up and come, but he grunted in agreement when I said I'll get him something. He seemed to be napping since he came back to the tent.
I offered Rose a piece of boiled carrot and she put the food in her mouth greedily. I wasn't sure if that was the best way to feed her, but I figured nowadays, the sooner she could take care of herself, the better.
Everyone seemed weary and the conversation was limited to short remarks about what still needs to be done and what we would be doing tomorrow. I wasn't really participating, as I felt my lack of sleep hitting on me with full force. Watching Rosie scrape the soft carrots with the teeth she already had, I rubbed my eyes wearily, setting my half full plate aside. I noticed grimly it became my habit to give my food to Daryl, but hell, they were rationing all of us with the same amount, while his needs were definitely bigger than mine. Which could have been said about any man in the group, but no one seemed to really care about Daryl and I found myself doubling the effort to cover for them.
Getting up, I grabbed my plate and adjusted Rose in my arms. Then, I walked up to where Carol had set a plate for Daryl and clumsily slid the contents of my own onto his. Then I took it and walked back to the tent to find the man napping again, his arm over his eyes in his usual position. I carefully set the plate right next to his bed for easy access and left the tent again to say goodnight to the rest.
"Guys, I'm going to sleep, I can barely keep my eyes open at this point," I smiled lightly, unconsciously rocking Rose in my arms. I could feel her small head resting on my chest as she yawned, "Goodnight and see you in the morning."
As I spoke, Shane looked up at me, "You sure about that?"
"About sleeping?" I snorted, ignoring what he had in mind, "Yeah, pretty sure."
"You know that's not what I mean."
"Yeah," I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes at him, "I am pretty sure about that."
With that, I turned on my heel, trying to stay calm. What was it with him? I mean, Daryl was definitely a valuable member of the group, and yet at times, Shane acted almost as if the man was contagious. I entered the tent and saw Daryl waking up slowly, so I focused on staying calm. The last thing I needed right now was to snap at an already insecure man because of someone else's words. After a few steadying breaths, I decided I was good to talk.
"Hey," I whispered, putting the already sleeping Rose into her box. I covered her with a blanket and stared for a second at her calm, sleeping face. I could almost understand young parents adoring their toddlers with every ounce of their being at that moment. Then, I turned my attention back to Daryl, "I brought you some food."
"Thanks," he mumbled, rubbing his face with one hand. He tried to get up, but hissed at that, stilling. With one swift movement, I was by his side.
"Let's do it together, shall we?'' I smiled at him and without thinking, stood up, bracing each of my legs on either side of the camp-bed and grabbed his shoulders gently, "Try not to tighten the abdominal muscles when getting up. That's what hurts you."
He nodded and together, we managed to slowly pull him to a sitting position on the narrow bed. I moved my legs back to stand in front of the man and handed him the plate. He started eating and I grabbed my toothbrush and a tube of paste, "Can I leave Rose with you for a second? I just wanted to brush my teeth real quick. I don't think she will wake up, she's just fallen asleep."
"'S fine." Daryl murmured, eating quickly. I almost smiled at that, finding the slightly awkward way of eating quite endearing at that point.
"Thanks." I muttered and left the tent, trying to hide my overly happy grin.
XXX
I was back in a couple of minutes and Daryl was already done with his meal, but he had been sitting on the bed, probably waiting for my help to get back down. I quickly set aside my things and turned to him, "Can I take a quick look at the wounds?"
"Not the back side." He murmured angrily. I sighed quietly and kneeled in front of him.
"Will you let Hershel take a look tomorrow?", I asked, as I pulled his shirt up, using the last of the daylight to check for any signs of infection.
"No need.", Daryl said stubbornly.
"Let me decide about that," I said quietly, letting the shirt fall down and now moving up to remove the bandages on his head, "It's either me today or Hershel tomorrow. But before you make your decision, let me tell you I was the one putting stitches on your back.", I decided it's best not to leave any room for guesswork.
His reaction confirmed what I suspected: the sudden stiffness of his form told me he didn't want anyone, or me specifically, to see his scars. I acted as if nothing had happened though, because what else could I do? Force him to stay up all night, telling me the history of his life?
When the bandage on his head was gone, I could see quite a nasty scratch, but all things considered, I thought it could have been so much worse. I touched the skin around the sensitive flesh gently, but he didn't move at all, so I figured it couldn't hurt all that much since he was able to hide the pain, "Can we leave it without bandages? It looks pretty good and fresh air will make the healing process faster."
Daryl just shrugged, so I decided it was a 'yes'. I sighed and kneeled back in front of him, trying to catch his gaze, but he was avoiding my eyes, "So?"
"So what?", he murmured, staring at his own hands as if they were the most interesting object nearby. I felt an urge to comfort him somehow, but I knew him enough to tell he wouldn't be pleased.
"So, can I check your back or will you show it to Hershel tomorrow morning?", the stubbornness written on Daryl's face told me he didn't want any of those to happen, but I wasn't having it. I tried to be flexible and meet his needs every step of the way, but some things just required my resolve not being what he wanted it to be.
"'kay. Go on," he murmured angrily. He made a small movement as if he wanted to turn around, but I stopped him.
"Nah, that's okay, it's better if I move," I told him, quickly getting up from my knees. As the cot was pushed against the wall of the tent, I had no other option than to straddle the bed right next to Daryl to get a good look at the wound. As an aftermath of my actions, my left thigh was touching his firmly and I could feel his muscles tense at the contact, which made my knees weaken in response.
Get a fucking grip, Watts.
I slowly moved his shirt up to reveal the wound and my handiwork. Touching around the stitches with my fingertips, I noticed a goosebumps on his skin, so I quickly stopped my ministrations, "You have to tell me when it hurts, you know?"
"It didn't," he said, not turning his head to look at me. I pulled the shirt back down and he visibly relaxed.
"Suit yourself. Anyway, everything seems good for now, no signs of infection. Just a shot of your antibiotics and you're good to go to sleep."
Daryl nodded, his hands gripping the edge of the cot so forcefully his knuckles turned white, "Did it hurt so much?"
He noticed my gaze and relaxed his fingers a bit, "No."
I licked my lips and moved my legs so now I was sitting next to Daryl, staring at the opposite wall of the tent. "Why are you like this?"
"Like what?"
"Closed. As in shut off completely with a chain and padlock with a code you haven't remembered. I am really trying to help you. All I'm asking is a little cooperation. Just tell me when and where it hurts." I felt his gaze on the side of my face, so I looked at him as well. His expression could be described as something between anger and gentleness, the weirdest mixture I've ever seen.
"It really didn' hurt," he murmured quietly. His beautiful eyes were boring into mine and I loved every second of it, "I jus' really don' like bein' touched there is all."
"Okay," I nodded my head slowly and said softly, "I'll keep that to a minimum."
I stood up from his bed and reached for the syringe with the antibiotic, kneeling back in front of him. I felt his gaze follow my every movement, but for some reason I felt at ease with that. Or at least, I preferred that over him avoiding my gaze. He offered me his arm and I gently touched it, searching for a vein with my fingertips. When I spotted one, I made the injection and yet again, he didn't even flinch, even though I knew I wasn't skilled at that.
"Aren't ya goin' to ask?", he almost whispered, staring intently at my hands as I now put pressure on his skin where the needle was just seconds before.
"Nope," I said, throwing the syringe into a small bag to get rid of it in the morning, "If you ever want to tell me, you just will. For now it's enough for me to know you went to hell and back and yet you're still going."
I dared a look at his face, but his expression was blank, his eyes staring intently into mine. Acting on instinct, I slowly moved my hand and placed it on top of his. The angle was pretty weird, but I couldn't care less at that moment, knowing even though Daryl stiffened a bit which was his usual reaction to touch, he didn't pull back. I allowed my finger
to rub small circles on his skin and its roughness gave me one of the weirdest kinds of comfort I felt in my entire life.
A quiet whimper made by sleeping Rosie made me snap out of my state and I pulled my hand back abruptly. Clearing my throat, I murmured, "You're good to sleep now. Let me help you lay down."
I tried to support Daryl as best as I could and he laid down on the cot with a quiet groan. I smiled at him sheepishly and moved to my place on the floor.
"Thanks." he murmured.
"You're welcome." I answered in a whisper. I zipped the sleeping bag up and fussed for a moment to get into a comfortable position. Then, I propped one of my hands under my head and whispered, "Daryl?"
A quiet grunt reached my ears, "Why do you act like this?"
"Like what?"
"Like you can't be, well, you, in front of me," I murmured and I was really glad it was so dark in here, because otherwise, he would probably become a witness of self-ignition.
There was a silence for a moment and I thought I wouldn't get any answer, but then his voice came in a hushed tone, "Not personal, princess."
"Then why?"
A nervous movement told me he tried to adjust his position on the cot and I hissed, "Stitches, Daryl."
"'I'm pretty fuckin' aware of 'em," he grunted, but stilled obediently.
"Why do you keep hiding?", I asked again.
"Why are ya so nosy?"
I chuckled, "Because I'm writing a book about you," I joked. But then, I added in a more serious voice, "No, I just really can't understand that."
"Wasn't all roses and sunshine for all of us, princess." he murmured. Well, really, getting any information out of him was like looking for a book which title you couldn't quite remember. Blindfolded. In a Library of Congress. With the catalogues missing and the librarian nowhere in sight.
"Guessed as much, Daryl," I murmured, running my hand through my hair, "But I'm not asking you to tell me your best childhood memory, just-" I stopped for a second, trying to find the best words, "Just communicate with me. Tell me if you want me to do something and tell me when you don't want me to. Today I had to literally force out of you that you don't like being touched on your back. Do you realize if I knew that in the first place, I'd do my best to avoid any contact?"
He grunted and I rolled my eyes in the darkness, "And use your goddamn words."
Silence followed and as I was about to go meet Morpheus with soft music played by the crickets in the background, I heard Daryl murmur, "I'll try."
XXX
The cheerful laughter of the little one was a sound that woke me up the next day. I stirred in my sleeping bag, trying to fully wake up. As I turned around to face Rose, I was surprised to see her bed was now standing right next to the cot and she was seated on the bed next to Daryl, laughing at the whistling sound of flipping through the book he was making. I smiled at the sight, observing them for a minute.
He seemed to be quite content at the moment and she was clearly enjoying herself in his company. For someone who liked to make people think he didn't care, he put quite an effort to hear the sound of Rose's laughter. I couldn't help but wonder if he had kids before that thing. I doubted that, but then, can one be sure of anything nowadays?
Daryl's eyes fell on me and I felt weirdly ashamed, as if I had been caught doing something illegal. I unzipped the sleeping bag and sat down, "Good morning."
"Mornin'," he said in his usual, quiet voice, "Ya slept quite long."
"Yeah, I must have been more tired than I thought," I smiled at him and stretched my arms, "How are you feeling?"
"Good. But it itches a bit," he said, flapping the book again and earning yet another bright fit of laughter from Rosie.
"Okay, I will take a look at it in a minute. I guess it's just healing, but let's make sure." I said, getting up, "By the way, I think you should take a shower after breakfast."
He made a funny face and snapped at me with a grudge in his voice, "Why?"
Biting my lip to hide a smile which was now fighting its way to my face, I answered, "Because it's frigging hot and you're sweating. We need to keep the wounds clean if we want you to be back in shape asap."
Daryl muttered something under his breath, but didn't comment any further. Placing the book in front of Rose to keep her occupied, he allowed me to check all his wounds and I tried to be as brief as possible when it came to his backside, but he stiffened a bit nonetheless.
"Everything seems to be fine. As you are now good to move on your own, you should try to do that. Don't over exercise though, for now let's go get breakfast and then we will go to the farmhouse", I explained, injecting him with the antibiotic.
"Yes, princess," he said in a suspiciously mocking manner and I looked up at him in surprise. He was indeed smirking, but then the mockery left his eyes and he added in a serious tone, "Ya seen the back. Ya haven't seen some other shit. Ain't my first injury, I'll live."
I sighed, "Yeah, you will. But does it mean I can't help you on the way?"
Daryl was silent for a moment as I knelt in front of him, but then murmured, "If ya have to."
"And if I want to?"
"'M just tryin' to spare ya the trouble," he murmured, biting his lower lip rather forcefully. Right next to us, Rose slapped the book with her tiny hands and babbled at it, easily removing the tension.
"Then don't."
Daryl looked at me for a moment and then got up slowly, wincing as he had to stay slightly bent not to hit the tent's roof. He really looked way better than yesterday and I felt relief wash over me. Before he left, he stopped and his whole back seemed to be really tense, "I don' like bein' touched because of my dad. Touch means pain."
And just like that, he was gone. I stood frozen to the spot, staring at the place where his back was just seconds ago and I'd probably stay like that for the rest of the day with my mouth agape, if it wasn't for Rose, who whimpered on the bed disapprovingly.
"Hello there, little one," I smiled at the girl and scooped her into my arms, following Daryl out of the tent and all that time I felt my heart sinking slowly, "Making friends?"
She made another happy noise and flopped her arms like a chicken, making me giggle.
The rest of the group was already seated near the fire, eating some scrambled eggs. Everyone seemed to be in good moods except for Glenn, who had been shooting glances at Maggie standing on the porch of the farmhouse. I smirked to myself, kind of envying them. It must be nice to feel at least a little bit of normalcy in those crazy times. At least that's what I've imagined, because all I had was a baby without getting pregnant and a crazy attraction to a guy, who didn't even talk to me out of his free will.
As I found out in a matter of minutes, I was so wrong I'm not sure if I could've been further from the truth even if I accused the pair of planting weed.
When Glenn said the barn was full of walkers, for a moment I hoped it was just some kind of sick joke. However, before I could actually process everything, we were all running towards the barn. I wasn't quite sure if it was a good idea to take Rose with me, but then - was it safe to leave her in the house with Beth knowing there were a bunch of walkers nearby?
I stood behind Rick, finding it to be the safest place at that time. I felt my knife on my hip and for once I was grateful I listened to my dad and carried it around at all times. When Shane slowly approached the barn's door and looked inside, I had half a mind to call to him to back off, but I knew we had to be sure. Suddenly, a pair of eyes appeared in a hole in the door and a quiet hissing was audible.
"You cannot tell me you're alright with this." Shane snarled, pushing by Rick and walking behind all of us with an angered look on his face. I turned to look at him and I wondered for a second if he'd be capable of attacking Rick if he didn't like the man's response. Daryl must have been thinking the very same thing, because he pushed in front of me, not even trying to hide his intentions of stopping Shane if it was needed.
"No, I'm not, but we're guests here. This isn't our land.", Rick's voice was quiet and yet, perfectly audible. The way he clenched his hands into fists told me he was struggling to stay calm.
"God, this is our lives, man!", Shane exclaimed, raising his hands.
"Lower your voice." Rick asked quietly.
"We can't just sweep this under the carpet!" Andrea suddenly sided with Shane.
As they were arguing, I still felt Daryl's presence next to me as he kept shielding me and Rose from Shane or the barn or just the world in general. Even in his current state he seemed capable enough if things went crazy, so I felt way safer having him next to me.
"My daughter is still out there." Carol said in a quiet, yet really forceful voice. I could hear Shane's snort and I closed my eyes, knowing he was about to tell them what he told me the other day.
"Okay," he murmured, seemingly trying to remain calm, "Okay. I think it's time we all start to just consider the other possibility."
"Shane, we're not leaving Sophia behind!" The anger and a bit of disbelief could be heard in Rick's voice, but something else caught my attention. All of a sudden, Daryl wasn't next to me, but moving towards Shane like a bulldozer, with an angry look in his eyes.
"I'm close to finding this girl!" He almost yelled, waving his hand pointedly, "I just found her damn doll two days ago."
"You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll."
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!", Daryl exclaimed, moving even closer to Shane. Obviously, the intimidation technique he didn't even realize he was now using couldn't work on Shane, so they were milliseconds from fighting in front of a barn full of snarling walkers, and I had no clue how to stop it before they hurt each other.
I rushed towards Dale and handed him Rose, who seemed to be literally sipping everything that happened with her mouth agape. The old man took the baby from me, looking at me worriedly as I turned around on my heel.
Just as I expected, Shane and Daryl were now in each other's faces with Rick trying to keep them apart. Without a second thought, I rushed to Daryl's side and when there was a small opening as Rick managed to push Shane a couple of steps back, I tried to do the same with Daryl. Putting both of my hands on his chest and pushing forcefully, I managed to get him to take a couple of steps back, though the look he sent me told me there would be hell to pay for that. I kept my hands on his heaving chest as he stared at me with an unreadable expression. I felt his muscles contracting under my palms and I kept my hands flat against him, though I wasn't sure if I was doing it for his sake or mine.
"You," I heard Shane's voice behind me, so removing my hands from Daryl's chest, I turned around slowly, keeping my body in front of the man just in case, to find the ex-cop staring at me with newly found intensity, "You know I'm right."
I shook my head, putting my arms on my sides, "Even if you're right, and that's an IF, I think Carol deserves closure."
I heard an angered snort behind me and I cast a glance over my shoulder, noticing a furious look on Daryl's face. He took a couple of steps backwards as if suddenly I was stinking or contagious or both at the same time. It stung, but I told myself I deserved that one. Sighing quietly, I allowed him to stay angry with me, as it was way less dangerous for his well being than fighting with Shane.