I went into the house to get Rose from Patricia. I was still slightly shaken after what happened with Daryl and I couldn't quite wrap my head around that. His behavior was unpredictable, to say the least, varying from sweet and thoughtful, through hot as hell, straight to childish and insulting. It was pretty hard to keep up and I knew when I was in good shape - which, surprisingly enough, was the case right now - dealing with him wasn't hard if I kept in mind all his insecurities.

There was also another thing which bugged me in this crazy relationship we managed to build lately. Hell, I've had some previous experience with men - well, now I think of it, boys really - and even though they definitely went further than Daryl with their caressess, they never had a similar effect on me, putting my whole body on fire and begging for more of something, anything from them. Of course, what I did back in the old world was nice, but not even close to what Daryl managed without actually kissing me. Damn, I had to change my underwear as I came home, the very wet sensation making me uncomfortable and nervous.

I decided to leave my thoughts for now, as I bounced Rose on my hip after leaving the house with her. I fed her, finding it ridiculously hard to focus on the task at hand, which angered me a bit; Daryl had way too much effect on me and I didn't really know what to do about it.

When I came into the camp with Rose in my arms, I noticed Glenn sitting alone in a tourist chair, twisting his fingers nervously. I stopped and looked at him for a second; he seemed to be so preoccupied with his thoughts he didn't even notice me. A big frown formed on his features and I wondered if he was troubled by Maggie or something else was bugging him. I stared at him for another moment, and before I could make any decision, Rose decided to babble and Glenn snapped out of his state abruptly, looking at us with his mouth agape.

"Hi," I muttered, approaching him slowly. I set Rosie down on the warm grass, and she set clumsily on all fours, rocking slightly. Glenn stared at her as if she was the most interesting thing he had found recently, and I couldn't decide whether the little girl had awakened such a keen interest in him, or whether he just chose the simpler option: looking at the baby and not at me. I sat down on a chair next to him, wincing a bit as I did so.

"Hi." He managed through gritted teeth. We were silent for a moment, but after a while Glenn turned his gaze to me, "Did he talk with you?"

"Who?" I looked at him, clasping my hands in my lap. I couldn't quite find myself at ease in those stupid shorts, the very thing making me restless no matter if my interlocutor was indeed looking at me or not. I tried to push the material down a bit, but to no avail.

"Dale," Glenn muttered, nodding his head rhythmically, in a movement that resembled dogs with nodding heads, which could be seen in many cars in the nineties. I regarded him for a moment and turned my eyes back to Rose, who was now patting both her hands on the grass, enjoying the sensation.

"No," I said quietly, leaning back in the chair, "He came to see Daryl though."

The Asian male shot me a quick glance, which told me he had questions about me being with Daryl earlier, but he refrained from asking them, for which I was really grateful. Instead, he started braiding and unbraiding his fingers somewhat nervously, and for a short moment I was worried he might puke. He said slowly, "He came to ask me to defend the guy. To stand up for him. To give him a chance," he stopped for a moment and the nervous movements of his fingers were now accompanied by restless twitches of his legs, his whole figure so jumpy I had to fight the urge to grab him by the arms to stop him, "But how can I? What choice can I make here? Fuck, Victoria, they tried to shoot you in front of us."

He stared intently at me as if he was desperately looking for answers, and I found myself swallowing slowly, almost deliberately, to delay my answer. I was a freaking 24 year old almost-graduate, who grabbed occasional jobs, but other than that, had all her needs secured by her parents. Even though I had my issues and I was far from calling myself normal or collected, I highly doubted I had enough life experience to support him in such matters. I bit my lower lip forcefully, as I started thoughtfully, "I-"

My gaze searched our surroundings, almost as if I wanted to find a suitable answer written on a tree, while Glenn stared at me intently, almost hopefully. I swallowed before continuing, as Rose slowly tried to move her limbs in order to crawl, and I fixed my eyes on her, finding it easier to speak as I did so, "I'm not sure if you want to seek my advice. After all, Dale didn't even try to ask for my vote. I'm not a part of your group."

"Even if-" Glenn stopped for a moment, seemingly considering his choice of words, "Even if you are right and he won't ask you, but I think he will-" the man visibly swallowed before continuing, "what would you say?"

I stared at Rose with my unblinking eyes, "It's not so easy."

"It's not!" Glenn exclaimed, waving his hands, "And we should make a choice based on what?" He asked helplessly, ruffling his dark hair uneasily, "A lucky guess? Coin toss?"

I took a deep breath, clenching my hands on my knees as I did, "And how do you feel about it?"

Glenn was silent for a moment, and if that was even possible, his skin might have gone even paler than it was. After a couple of seconds however, he answered quietly and his voice was steady, "I think it's wrong," he said, and the last sentence he added wasn't more than a whisper, "But I'm trying and trying and I can't find any other option."

I sighed quietly. The words left my mouth before I could think of it, "We have to face the reality and realize there might be none."

"So you'd kill him simply because you can't find a better solution?" The quiet voice behind us wasn't cold or angry. It sounded resigned, which made my insides clench painfully, as I turned my head slowly to face Dale. I wondered how much he heard, as I gazed at him with my head slightly bowed. His eyes were intent, and even his funny little hat held so much dignity and something I couldn't quite specify, and I found myself shrinking into myself under his watchful gaze. I opened my mouth a couple of times, trying to form a coherent sentence, but no words came out, so he repeated quietly, "Would you?"

"I don't know," I answered, and my voice wasn't more than a whisper. A hint of disappointment flicked in the old man's eyes before he approached us slowly, falling into the nearby chair with a quiet huff. Before I knew it, I found myself saying, "Do you have a better idea, one which doesn't put us at risk?"

"That's the whole point, Victoria," he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. Somewhere close to my leg Rosie whined quietly and I took her from the grass absentmindedly, only to find out she wanted to gain Dale's attention, not mine, as her tiny hands outstretched towards him. He, however, kept his gaze fixed on me, as he finished the sentence, "We're at constant risk in this world. Is it really such a difference to have one more, if it means sparing a life?"

I shivered at his words, and as Rosie grabbed the old man's attention, he took her from me, placing her in his lap. She smiled at him, babbling something, as she grabbed a hold on a handful of his beard. Her happy demeanor was equally out of place and soothing, and all three of us stared at her for a moment; Glenn first to say, "We could have a good, safe life here. We just need to protect ourselves."

"And your idea of doing that is commiting a murder?" Dale's voice was as cold as ice and I found myself biting my lower lip, as he continued, "What about his rights as a human?"

"If the individual rights should be summum bonum, the whole structure of society falls down," I whispered, and both men stared at me in bewilderment, so I added sheepishly, "It's just a quote. From Skinner," noticing their gazes, I added, "Just forget it."

Silence fell on us once more and I found myself chewing on my lower lip thoughtfully. It was comforting to see we differed on such an important matter, and yet we could hold a civilized conversation about it.

"And what about your Hippocratic Oath, Victoria?" Dale's voice was distant as he said those words, and I found myself sighing with resignation. I should have thought someone would finally appeal to that.

"What about it?" I asked quietly, absentmindedly brushing my fingers on the arms of the chair I was sitting on. I looked at the old man, feeling a new heat burning inside me, one that was more about defending myself, not someone else.

"Isn't it about not harming others?" Dale's voice was insistent, almost begging, and I had to swallow before responding, my mouth suddenly dry.

"Yeah, it is, but in a less general, strictly medical meaning," I said quietly. I couldn't quite decide whether I felt angered by the low blow about the oath or amazed by his ingenuity; but I spat nonetheless, "But let's assume for a moment it has a general ring to it. How should I weigh the harm that will definitely be done to one boy with questionable values and the potential threat to a whole group of people, an infant and pregnant woman amongst them? Which harm strikes you as a bigger one? Because those are the kind of choices we are supposed to make as doctors: save those, who have a better chance of survival."

The man's jaw clenched, and at the same time, Rose found his watch and started inspecting it carefully. I hid my face in my hands, weary again. The most impulsive thought occurred to me, as suddenly my body and mind, my whole being really, craved Daryl's presence and I had to fight the urge to get up, grab the little one and just run to his camp.

"So I can't count on you to back me up?", Dale asked quietly, staring somewhere ahead of us, startling me slightly. It was getting late and the blowing wind brought a shiver down my spine, but perhaps it wasn't the temperature after all, as all I could feel was the disappointment radiating off the old man. Both me and Glenn remained silent, unable to find a response at least partially correct.

XXX

The evening was a blur of events, which left me speechless and shaky. I took Hershel's offer to claim my previous room with Rose, even though half of my mind was super intent on begging Daryl to take me and the baby in. I fought the urge, finding it childish and stupid and groundless really; while he seemed to be getting warmer towards me, he definitely didn't look at me the way I looked at him, so I had to set my mind straight. Somehow.

I found out about him not being interested in a bit of a humiliating way in the evening, when the group gathered to discuss Randall's fate. Rick insisted on me joining, even though I tried to cowardly claim it wasn't my decision to make, as I felt as something between an almost group member, resident of Hershel's house and an outsider. He was really sweet though, telling me that I was as important a member of the group as any other person, and I found myself nodding and going down to the parlor behind him, though every ounce of my being wanted to turn around and just run.

During the evening, Dale fought Randall's case fervently, and for a short moment I had half a mind to back him up, but then I looked at Rose playing with a spoon on the carpet in front of me, and I pursed my lips, remaining silent. Daryl was standing in the opposite corner of the room with his arms crossed over his chest and he seemed to look everywhere but at me, and I knew that very well, because I found myself staring at him almost all the time, forcing my gaze to turn elsewhere every time I realized I was watching him. As an effect, when everyone started leaving the room, I just turned on my heel and stalked upstairs and a huge lump started forming in my throat. I welcomed the stinging in my leg as I climbed up the stairs with a fucked up sense of gratitude for the pain of all things, as it allowed me to focus on something else for a moment.

I closed the door behind me, leaning on it for a moment, Rosie fisting my hair and pulling at it happily. I accepted the pain without complaint, staring intently at the view I got out of the window. The sun was going down and the whole room was full of orange light, which gave me a weird feeling of uneasiness.

Why I cared so much about Daryl was beyond my understanding; I knew him for like two weeks right now, give or take a day or two, and he was literally the only person in the whole universe who could rile me up as he did, and at the same time, I never felt more safe and calm with anyone else. I also found out I can take much from one person, not thinking about myself and my own feelings, but rather regard someone else and his boundaries, insecurities and thoughts. I smirked absentmindedly, as I thought if any of my friends would even try to call me a bitch during a quarrel, that would be the end of our relationship. Yet, when it came to Daryl, I found out I couldn't stay mad with him, especially considering his clumsy way of trying to apologize in the bathroom. My eyes fluttered shut at the memory of his warm breath in my hair and mumbled, a hasty apology of sorts, which melted my heart.

Despite my condition, I always thought I wasn't easily approachable. I had friends and of course I loved my family and all of them could anger me and calm me down, but never have I seen my attack stop simply when I felt someone's presence next to me. It took breathing exercises and a lot of calming, which only my two closest highschool friends mastered, and at times, I couldn't snap out of it for nearly an hour. As much as I hated to admit, it was a good thing he could calm me down like he did in those wild times, and all I could hope for was that he would be close enough to do that as long as I survived. However, my stomach clenched uncomfortably, when I realized I might want something else than he did from me, the very thought leaving me almost breathless. I couldn't blame him, not really; he was cut for this world and I was a rather heavy package with Rose. I might have been quite a decent fighter, but I was nowhere near Daryl's, Rick's or Shane's level. Hell, probably even T-Dog and Hershel had better chances than I did. He was attracted to me in a way, or I chose to believe so, but I was simply one of the few females left, so well, his choices were limited. But other than that, I was smart enough to realize I simply wasn't enough for the only person I could think of when I tried to imagine ones, who could survive this mess after all. All in all, as I realized grumpily, I had to accept the fact he was my only hope and biggest threat at the same time, a dangerous mix which could simply get me killed one day.

I sighed, shaking my head. The more I gave in to my thoughts, the harder my walls were shaking, so I had to turn my mind elsewhere, as hard as it was in given circumstances. I forced myself to look at Rosie and I smiled at her, "How about we change your diaper and play for a while before bedtime?"

XXX

For the night, I settled on my panties and a t-shirt, knowing very well the only person who might see me tonight was Maggie, if she decided to visit, which wasn't really a frequent occurrence. It wasn't the smartest thing to wear if I had to run for any reason, but I found it the most comfortable one, as nothing was touching my stitches. Besides, if I had to run with my fucking stitches pulling on my thigh, I had small chances no matter if I was decently covered or not.

Rosie was asleep in her basket-bed, her tiny fists above her head, as she breathed calmly. I found with awe she smiled at times and it gave me a weird sort of comfort; I thought about myself as a rather crappy caretaker, as I lacked basic knowledge about infants, but she seemed content most of the time. I laid down with my stomach tied in a knot, unconsciously expecting the sound of a gunshot, as I realized I didn't even know how Rick planned to end Randall's life.

Suddenly, I heard a commotion downstairs; Carl's voice yelling something unsteadily. I jumped out of bed, flashes of the day when Daryl was injured in my head, and I left the room, closing the door behind me as quietly as I could in my rush. As I jogged down the staircase, I found Patricia, Hershel, and Carl standing downstairs, the boy explaining something frantically. I met Hershel's gaze as he looked up at me and I raced down the stairs, ignoring the stinging pain in my thigh, my bare feet making a quiet, thumping sound. When I joined them, my voice was breathless, "What is it?"

"Don't know. I'll go check," Hershel said, grabbing his vest from the hanger.

"I'll go with you," I almost shrieked, my eyes wide open, as I moved a strand of my hair behind my ear in a frantic movement. I looked at Patricia and she nodded, answering my unspoken question about staying with Rose, and she hurried upstairs.

I ran towards the door, as Hershel yelled something behind me. All I could hear however, was the familiar sound of ringing in my ears, as I pushed my legs as fast as they would go, begging all the gods that would listen everyone was alright. Or more like I tried to keep my thoughts on everyone, but as I raced, I couldn't help but see Daryl in my imagination.

Cool, wet grass was hitting my feet, but I couldn't care less, as I tried to run even faster, when I noticed the whole group. Around that time I realized I was completely unarmed, but there was nothing I could do about it, so I decided to leave the matter for now. I slowed down when I reached the group, assessing the scene in front of me, my breaths heavy and uneven. Rick was kneeling in front of someone, who whimpered silently. I saw the cop turn towards me and say something, but I was beyond hearing, as I approached him on unsteady legs. Dale was lying down in front of Rick with his eyes and mouth wide open. As my eyes roamed lower down his form, I gasped silently.

I woke up with a start, my head throbbing painfully, a type of hurt I've never felt in my entire life. I touched my forehead, feeling a sticky fluid on my fingertip and when I moved my shaky fingers lower, I noticed they were red. I looked around, trying to recall the events which must have taken place lately, but I failed.

I was in a car, but it seemed wrong, as my head dangled down and for a moment I couldn't make anything out of it. Sudden realization hit me and I gasped quietly, turning my head to the right. Dave was there, but he wasn't hanging upside down like me; his body crumbled in a strange position on the roof, which seemed to be in contact with the ground right now.

"Dave," I yelped, trying to unbuckle myself. My voice was weak and I guess he didn't hear me, as he didn't even budge. After a couple of tries, I managed to do so and my body fell down uncontrollably. I felt pieces of glass cutting through my skin on my shoulderblade, but all I could do was repeat my brother's name as if it was some sort of spell, that could fix everything or at least allow me to understand the situation. I shook his arm with all the strength I could muster in my shaky fingers, but he didn't react, his body limp against my touch.

Before I knew it, someone was forcefully opening the car's door on my side with a terrifying sound of metal screeching over metal and two strong arms grabbed me, pulling me back forcefully. I struggled against the grip, chanting my brother's name even louder. The arms around me closed completely and I was dragged back, as I tried to kick and bite and do everything I could think of to make them let go of me. After what felt like ages of struggle, I was grabbed by another set of arms and I felt an injection in my arm. I looked around frantically, finally noticing two men behind me, and I begged shakily, "My younger brother, he is in the car, you have to help him."

One of the guys stared somewhere up front, and when I followed his gaze, I noticed another paramedic covering my brother's body with a material. My throat closed and in one last desperate act I struggled against the man holding me. I must have caught him by surprise, because he let go of me and I raced towards my brother, removing the sheet from him, "Dave, wake up!"

I shook his arms, my eyes looking for any sort of reaction, only to find none. When they roamed lower, I noticed a huge gap in his stomach, one I later learned was made by the toy plane he was holding, and that was the very moment the paramedic caught up to me and dragged me forcefully away from my brother's body. This time I didn't fight him and in a matter of seconds, the world went dark around me.

"Vicky!" Rick grabbed both my arms and shook me forcefully, bringing me back to reality. I looked at him blankly, trying to follow the movement of his lips, as he muttered, "Tell me what to do."

I shook my head frantically, blinking rapidly, opening my mouth a couple of times before I managed a shaky, "Nothing."

The man stared at me quizzically, his mouth agape, as I forced once again, "We can't do a thing to help him."

Again, Rick's eyes were on me, insistent, so I continued hastily, "His intestinals are outside the abdomen, the loss of blood is already severe and even if we managed to offer him enough to cover for that, at his age the chances he won't suffer from shock or sepsis are non-existent."

As I finished the sentence, managing it out of my lips only because of the technical details which were engraved in my head, I couldn't focus my blurry vision, only the shape of Rick's retreating form visible through the tears which welled in my eyes. He seemed to be mumbling incoherently, on the verge of crying himself, but I couldn't be sure. I wanted to tell him we had to cover Dale with a goddamn blanket and find that fucking plane so we could bury him with it, but before I opened my mouth I realized I was mixing reality with my memories. The very knowledge sent my pulse even faster and I started breathing erratically through my open mouth. I turned my back to the group, trying to collect myself and I counted numbly in my head to focus on something, anything.

Somewhere behind me, Daryl took a deep, wheezing breath and muttered something and I knew it was him because of the thick southern accent and a low curse. After that, a gunshot rang in my ears, gradually turning into the frightening ringing, and I hugged myself, closing my eyes forcefully. I took a couple of unsteady steps and opened my eyes, frantically looking for somewhere to run. I was mildly aware I was unarmed, but as my vision blurred further and I couldn't hear anything through the loud ringing, I took off running to the only safe place I could think of. I think I collided with someone or something, but the only thing I could do at that moment was to push on the obstacle and run as fast as I could.

My feet were touching the watery grass, and somewhere in the back of my mind I found the wet sensation equally surprising and soothing, but I wasn't able to form any logical thought about it. Perhaps my shoes just got wet or- or I was running through a river I couldn't see.

As I unzipped Daryl's tent, surprising myself with the accuracy and speed, I crawled inside and stayed on my fours, choking and trying to find the meaning of breathing again.

Just think of something nice.

Before I was actually able to bring any memory from the depths of my mind, someone grabbed me by my arms and I noticed stormy blue eyes staring at me with concern. Two big hands held my arms, forcing me to sit on my heels awkwardly, straightening me. Daryl's lips were moving, but I couldn't quite make out the words as I struggled for my breath. I forced myself to look at the man's chest and I tried to mimic his frantic breaths. They were rapid and uneven, but still better than choking.

After what felt like eternity, I gulped some air and fell forward as my muscles gave up. I was grabbed by a pair of strong hands, which held me steadily against Daryl's chest in a surprisingly tight embrace and I hid my face in the crook of his neck. I grabbed his shirt and after a couple of deep breaths, I started muttering frantically against his skin, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm s-"

My mumbling was cut short, as a hand gripped my chin tightly, tilting my head up and warm lips fell on mine before I could consider what was happening.