Fornax Magazine: Heath & Sexuality Department

Doctor Solus Advises: Dextro-amino acids & ingestion-What you need to know

Dear Doctor,

I'm a normal, healthy human gal living on the Citadel who has an abnormal interest in a turian male. We met at the shooting range where he's an instructor. I impressed him one day with my accuracy with a phaeston rifle and he chatted me up. We started talking regularly after that. Mostly gun nerd stuff at first. A few joking, "Do you think you could handle an even more powerful turian rifle?" "I think you'd be surprised how easily I adapt" exchanges later and we started seeing each other outside the range too. We haven't gone any further because we're both worried about the whole dextro-amino acid body chemistry thing and what might happen if we did get intimate. But, ohhh, do I long to feel those talons digging into my back while he pops his thermal clip into my chamber.

What can we do to take things to that next level without risking our health?

Signed,

From the Frontlines of the Second First Contact War, Looking To Share My Foxhole With a Turian

Dear 'From the Frontlines...'

Your sexual interest in your turian friend unusual but not abnormal. Unusual in sense that you will not be able to procreate with him. Intimate relations could give you severe skin chaffing. His bodily fluids could send you into severe anaphylactic shock. Coma possible. Or your fluids could do that to him. Or you could both do that to each other. Otherwise see no reason to call your interest 'abnormal.'

Evolution made mating urge powerful in all species to ensure continuation. Human urge seems particularly strong. Evolution also heightened interest in unusual physical traits - what humans would call 'exotic features.' This ensures genetic diversity, allows species to adapt, evolve. Evolution did not anticipate intergalactic travel however. Meeting sapient alien races sends confusing messages to species with brains less-evolved than salarians'. After all, what is more exotic than a completely different species?

Human historical record is saturated with examples of mating urge overwhelming individuals' logic, reasoning. Abundant literature on subject as well. You are not to be blamed for succumbing to biochemical signals sent by own subconscious mind. Surprising only that inter-species relationships involving humans not more common. Especially when asari have proven that such relationships possible, can even be fruitful. Requires preference for blue children, but still. Important point is that inter-species line has already been crossed. Human brain therefore looks to other alien races, says, 'Why not them too?' Or possibly just, 'I am deeply aroused.' Result is same either way.

You reference First Contact War in your pseudonym. Telling detail. Human conflict with turians likely a factor in your interest. Turian/human mutual hatred strong for decades afterwards. Still lingers among many. Human females inclined to prefer danger, excitement in mates. I believe colloquial term for this is "bad boys." Human females also often seek means to strike back at family patriarch if interpersonal conflict, rift exists. Bringing turian mate to meet family effective way to do this.

Turians' dextro-amino acid-based body chemistry indeed problematic in situations like yours, 'From the Frontlines...' Not insurmountable. More easily dealt with if human partner is male, turian partner female. Human males inclined to make use of any available orifice or orifice-like opening helpful in this situation. Need not even be an orifice. Human male's needs can be satisfied if just one section of partners' body can create the necessary friction. Turian physiology offers numerous options. Human males also less inclined to emphasize partners' satisfaction. Known to prefer sleep instead. Situation likely frustrating for turian females, however.

Sexual relations between human females, turian males more complicated. Both strongly inclined to seek satisfaction through more intimate contact. You are correct to be concerned about turian male/human female sexual intercourse, "From The Frontlines..." Such activity guarantees exchange of bodily fluids, adverse reaction as your respective systems react to non-compatible organic material.

Prophylactic coverings for males common in human culture. Numerous euphemisms include 'rubbers,' 'jimmies,' and 'johnnies'. Unfortunately, similar items not available for turians. Their culture never evolved in that direction. Still possible to create your own, however. Several spray-on polymer compounds likely to suffice. Use one to cover your turian partner's erect member thoroughly. Wait until compound settles, becomes solid. Test it first via manual stroking to ensure covering sufficient for your purposes. That is, it allows turian partner to achieve satisfaction but captures entire release of dextro-amino acid-based fluids. Best to use a spray-on polymer brand that is industrial strength, non-toxic, non-porous but easily & safely soluble to allow for removal afterwards. Read labels carefully before experimenting. Cannot emphasize that last point enough. Calling product's customer support line unlikely to be helpful.

Human practice of satisfying partners through oral contact also problematic. Some quick extranet research I did for this column indicates that ingesting partner's fluids a highly popular practice among humans. This activity frequently documented by your species' vid industry, which has produced billions of instructional videos on subject. Vids detailed and quite clinical. (Vids could use better production values, commentary from medical experts however.) Reportedly, numerous hotels provide these instructional videos for nominal fee. Nevertheless, ingestion must be avoided in relations with turians. Limited oral contact acceptable if partner's member covered by polymer compounds. Under no circumstances should you swallow turian's fluids however. Resist your species' urge to do this, no matter how strong. If you only remember one bit of advice, make this it.

Related but less severe issue: skin-to-skin contact. Humans are oddities for having evolved from mammals. Your species has unusually smooth skin. Humans cannot, for example, shed entire skin layer at once. Turians' avian/reptilian ancestors gave them thicker, rougher skin with jagged areas. Human skin could receive minor scrapes, cuts from turian if sexual activity gets vigorous. Turian's skin unlikely to be similarly scraped or cut, so mixing of fluids not a concern. Recommend using simple, safe oils during intimacy to cover both bodies, reduce friction, minimize abrasions. Try to find positions that avoid contact with jagged areas of partner's body.

That said, possible your partner's rougher skin actually a plus to you, "From The Frontlines..." Desire for turian "talons digging into my back" mentioned in letter indicates possible preference for rougher treatment by partner. If so, indulge but know your limits. Please avoid any lasting harm to yourself.

Glad we had this talk.

Yours,

Dr. Mordin Solus

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