IX:

"Oh please," Rita scoffed, "as if that's even an option. My client –"

"Your client is a repeat sexual offender who has spent ten years in prison already on charges of distribution of child pornography, and is currently out on probation and violated his parole," Rafael pointed out. "I think that your point is null and void. The only issue here is whether or not the evidence the police obtained in the new case was valid under the warrant issued by Judge Barth in Manhattan and if the jurisdictional boundaries can be crossed. And that is purely up to Judge Cameron."

"I'm afraid that the jurisdictional boundaries –" the judge began.

"Well, it looks like my client is going to walk," Rita interrupted.

"Not so fast," Cameron interjected. "While some of the evidence was collected outside of jurisdictional boundaries, some of the evidence was collected in his Manhattan office, as well. The Manhattan evidence is more than enough to bring charges under. Your client isn't going anywhere."

"Okay… five years for distribution and –"

"Rita, the only reason I'm not drop-kicking this to the Feds is because we're friends," Rafael snapped. "That and he's an in to the ring we've been trying to crack for the last three years."

"He cooperates and he doesn't get life," Rita said firmly.

"He has enough kiddie porn to send him upriver for –" The door to the judge's chambers burst open and he stared at the wild-eyed man. "Hey, you can't just –" And that's when he saw the knife. A whole different set of reflexes kicked in then: reflexes he hadn't used since he'd left El Barrio as a damn kid all bravado and skinny knock knees. He gestured for Rita to get behind the desk with the judge and put himself between the intruder and the women. "Now, I think we can talk about this without resorting to violence," he said quickly. "Why don't you give me the knife?"

"Not happening till that bitch lets my wife out of remand," growled the man, gesturing vaguely at the judge. "She didn't fucking do anything – cops stitched her up –"

"I'm sure she didn't," Rita muttered under her breath, adding fuel to the already volatile situation.

"You shut your fucking mouth, bitch," the man roared.

"Calm down," Rafael snapped. The man lunged, catching his arm in a slashing motion that stung like a son of a bitch but left little more than a bleeding scratch. "Look, I can't help you if you don't calm down!"

"Rafi –"

"What's your wife's name?" Rafael said, his voice softening, gentling. "Mine is Olivia."

"Sara. Sara Keith."

"Sara Keith is in remand for murder in the second –"

"She was fitted up for it," the man said, getting agitated again, swinging out with the knife. Rafael grunted and managed to grab his wrist, wedging his thumb and forefinger between his wristbones until they popped out of place with a sickening popping noise. He ignored the man's scream as he twisted his arm up behind his back, slamming him into the desk face first.

"Call… security, police… 911," Rafael said. "Nancy, do you mind if I borrow one of your pillows until the ambulance gets here because if I pull the knife out, I'm probably going to bleed out." He tried to remain calm, detached. "Rita… call Liv. Please."

He held the man still until security whisked him away, then Rita held a pillow to his stomach to stem the flow of blood until the ambulance arrived. "I didn't know he was married," the judge said softly.

"It's not common knowledge," Rita said.

"Liv?" Rafael said.

"She's out of the office," Rita said.

"Her cell –"

"Is going to voicemail," Rita said. "I left one, and texted where we'll be going. She'll come as soon as she can. It's okay, Rafi: she loves you. She'll come as soon as she can, I promise."

The EMTs arrived and began working on him; he was in pain, but he was too worried about Liv not answering her phone to focus on it. She always answered, except when she was in an interrogation, and even then, she texted to say she'd get right back with him. Whatever was going on must be bad. He flinched when they put him onto the backboard and he couldn't help the cry that left his lips, alarming Rita and the judge.

"Hey, could you be a little more gentle –"

"Look, lady –"

"I'm his fucking attorney, jackass," Rita hissed.

"Lawyers," the EMT muttered.

"Rita, I'm okay," Rafael groaned. "Really."

Everything after that became a blur: he vaguely remembered consenting to surgery upon receipt in the ER, vaguely remembered confirming his name, social security number, date of birth, and medicine allergies that were in the system – and presumably that Rita had updated, since he'd only recently presented with a severe allergy to oxycodone (when he'd had that skiing accident and broken his arm in three places) – and begging for someone to call his wife…

And then he was waking up, and every part of his body hurt like he had been run over by a 50 ton Mack truck, but he tried to lay still and take inventory, wiggling each finger and toe, then his eyebrows and his nose.

"What are you doing?" Liv mumbled, her voice heavy with sleep.

"You're here," he rasped, opening his eyes, turning his head toward the sound of her voice and finding her tucked up in the chair in the corner, still half asleep.

"Of course I'm here," she murmured. "My husband got stabbed playing hero today – where else would I be?" She got up and came over to help him with his rolling table and his plastic cup and straw so he could drink some ice water. "What were you thinking, Rafa?"

He rolled his eyes and chuckled self-depricatingly. "I was thinking maybe I was still that boy from the Bronx that rolled with the bad shits," he muttered. "Turns out, I'm a little fluff."

"Rita and Judge Cameron both said you were extremely brave and level-headed under pressure," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair and smiling sadly. "Rafael, I almost lost you today. We've only been married a few weeks, and I almost lost you."

"It wasn't that bad," he scoffed.

"You coded four times on the operating table," she said. "My phone was off because Elliot and I were doing a raid with Vice. Do you know how much I panicked to come back to the precinct and find seven voicemails from Rita and about fifty texts, all telling me to get my ass to the hospital… and Captain Cragen knows we're married because Rita spilled the beans. I get it; it was an emergency. He confronted me and asked why I hadn't told him anything, but I just told him I had to get to the hospital and I didn't have time for this."

He put his hand over hers where it rested on his cheek and smiled. "Te amo, mi amor," he whispered.

"Don't you dare think you can sweet talk me out of being angry with you for taking unnecessary risks," Olivia snapped. "You're a prosecutor, not a cop: you aren't supposed to be brave and take a knife to the gut, Rafa. You're supposed to put the bad guys in jail, and I'm supposed to take the risks."

"The thought of you willingly putting yourself in danger every day, mi amor, makes me sick," he confessed.

"Then don't think about it," Liv said softly. "Just think about me coming home to you, okay? Think about when we're 85 and playing with our grandbabies and –"

He looked up at her. "Are you –"

"Maybe. I'm late. I was going to take a test but then this happened and –"

"Olivia… we are in a hospital," he pointed out.

"Are you going to pay $500 for a negative pregnancy test?" she shot back.

"If it gives you peace of mind," he said softly.

"Will it give you peace of mind?" she asked.

"Infierno follando no," Rafael chuckled. "Are you joking? It's giving my anxiety hives just thinking about it, mi amor."

They had finally sat down and discussed having children one lazy Sunday after making love in the wee hours and sipping coffee around noon and cuddling and just enjoying being together for a day. She wanted them, he wanted her – so he accepted that children would eventually be part of the deal. But he wouldn't have sought them out on his own, no. He was far too worried that he would damage a child, neglect it, destroy it, hurt it in the same way his father had hurt him without even trying, because he didn't know any better. He was so terrified of harming a child the way the animals he prosecuted hurt their victims, the way he had been injured, that he would rather break the cycle cleanly than even chance repeating it. But to dash Olivia's naked hopes for the future… he couldn't possibly do that, either.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other. He couldn't fix it or break it, only live in some sort of hellish purgatory limbo where nothing quite made sense.

And now he was facing some kind of inevitable nightmare and all he could do was wait.

"Rafa, it's probably nothing," she said softly. "My cycle is erratic."

"Or you could be pregnant. And we could have a little Barba on the way and everything is going to change and I can't – Liv, I'm not… I can't…" He was beginning to panic, but she just held him gently and tried to calm him down.

"I know," she whispered. "I know."

"Does Mami know what's –"

"Yeah, Rita called her after I got here," Liv said softly. "She's going to come in the morning after she's called in someone to sub for her for the day."

"I still haven't told her," he said very quietly. "About us. She's going to be so mad."

"Well, yeah, but now isn't the time to worry about it," she murmured. "Close your eyes, Rafa, and try to rest. I'll be right here: I'm not going anywhere."

He slept fitfully, but every time he woke up, she was at his side within seconds – true to her word. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part… The words rattled around his mind mockingly, and he felt queasy when he woke for good when the sun came past the blinds and a nurse came to take bloods.

"We're going to get the consulting physician in here as soon as possible and see about getting that catheter out and getting you up and around walking," the nurse said cheerfully. "Your wife is very insistent that you're very active and laying around isn't something you do well."

"No, I usually pace in my office while I'm working on my case notes," Rafael admitted.

"Well, we'll see what the doctors have to say," she said. "Mrs. Barba hasn't left your side since she arrived –"

"Mrs. Barba just got here," his mother said firmly from the doorway, "so I wouldn't know how Mrs. Barba hasn't left my Rafi's side –"

"Lucia, good morning," Liv said. "Why don't we go get a cup of coffee while they do what they need to do –"

"No, I want to know why this woman thinks you're my son's wife," Lucia snapped.

"Because she is, Mami," Rafael groaned. This was definitely not how he wanted to have that conversation. The look his mother was giving him could have killed the monster under the bed and come back for more. Hell, it could have paralyzed any of the criminals that they'd tried to put away recently: Lucia Barba was scary.

"You mean to tell me you snuck off and got married and –"

"Mami… no one else knows," he lied very quickly and smoothly. "Only Rita because I made her call Liv from the courthouse and I panicked and called her my wife. Okay? Mami… we just want to take care of each other, and to be enough for each other. That's all. The rest of it doesn't matter. Olivia's last name doesn't matter, whether or not we have kids doesn't matter, even if we don't live in the same place all the time doesn't matter: we love each other and we're going to be together when we're old and grey. I promise. I need you to trust me."

"Lucia," Liv spoke up, her voice soft and low, as if she were afraid to draw too much attention to herself, yet at the same time soothing as if she were soothing a skittish victim. "Amo mucho a su hijo y espero que seamos felices durante mucho tiempo."

Rafael's heart beat faster at her admission, which drew a stern look from the nurse. "Mr. Barba," she scolded, "you need to stop stressing yourself out."

"I can't help it if these women drive me loco," he pointed out with a small smile and a vague hand gesture in the direction of his mother and his wife. "Beautiful and terrifying."

"Mrs. Barba –"

"Yes?" Liv and Lucia said at the same time.

"Okay… I'll need both of you to step out for a bit while the attending looks over Mr. Barba here," the nurse said. "Go get some coffee… some breakfast. He's in good hands, I promise."

Liv stepped over to his bedside and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, then his lips. "You going to be okay if I go?" she murmured.

"I'll be fine," he assured her. "Go. Check in. I'll be fine, mi amor."

She kissed his forehead again and whispered, "Be good – don't give them trouble. I don't have jurisdiction here."

He chuckled and reached up to tuck a loose piece of hair back behind her ear. "I love you, Olivia," he said. "Thank you for being here with me."

"Where else would I be, Rafa?" she asked with a small smile, waving as she left with his mother. He was glad that he wasn't going to witness that little blow-up, but he was honestly afraid of the fallout to come.

"Now, Mr. Barba, let's get started before the doctor gets here –" The nurse began her checks and he just went along with everything she instructed him to do, playing nicely.

"Sit your ass down and don't even try it," Liv scolded from the kitchen. "You aren't supposed to be lifting anything over five pounds for the next week, Rafa. That includes pushing the vacuum cleaner."

"The rug is so grungy," he complained. "I can't believe I let it get so bad –"

"I'll take care of it after dinner. I have to run to the drug store for your prescriptions anyway – not the hospital ones, your regular refills," she said with a sigh. "They called to say they were ready."

"Yeah, the allergy pills and nasal spray," he said. "Can't breathe for shit without them. Seems I'm allergic to whatever little bit of green things manage to grow in the city. Grass, mostly. Imagine being allergic to grass. I break out in hives if I roll around in the park. Any kid of ours is going to be an inside kid, Liv."

She came into the room, drying one of his novelty mugs with a bar mop towel, an unreadable expression on her face. "Rafa… I'm not pregnant," Liv said softly. "It would've been bad timing and we're not ready for it –"

"You're ready," he said.

"But you aren't," she pointed out gently. "And I can't be a single parent in a full marriage, Raf. It won't work. I know you're scared: I'm terrified. But I want to have a family with you, in whatever form that takes. Even if it ends up just being us in the end."

"I want you to be happy, Liv."

"I can't be happy if you're unhappy, Rafa, so we're at an impasse."

"For the record," he said, looking up at her, "I never said that I didn't want kids. I just don't have any confidence in my ability to be a good parent. And the very thought of you getting hurt – and, god forbid, dying in the line of duty – and leaving me alone with our children scares me to death. So forgive me for not being ready to face such a big step just yet, Liv."

She stared at him for the longest time, then murmured, "I'll try not to die if you try not to pop your stitches before your follow-up appointment."

"I think that's doable, Mrs. Barba."

"You really enjoy calling me that," Liv said softly.

"The only time I get to is when we're alone," he reminded her.

"I'm not going to change my name –"

"I didn't ask you to," Rafael said with a smile. "But our babies…"

Her face melted into a soft, wistful smile. "Our babies," she said, "will be Barbas."

"Maybe Benson-Barbas," he suggested. "It's a strong name, strong like their mami. A good name, Liv."

She swallowed hard and reached up to wipe at her eyes. "You, ah… you said babies like you want more than one," she murmured, her voice thick with emotion.

"Maybe we'll get there eventually," he said softly. "I think I'd like that."

And when he really thought about it, he saw in his mind's eye a delicate little girl with Olivia's brown eyes, freckles and enchanting smile, and a little boy with sandy brown hair and brown eyes and his mother's quickness to step into a situation and stir up trouble.

He wanted that. He wanted that family with Olivia.

He smiled over at her and wasn't at all surprised when she set aside the towel and mug to come sit with him on the sofa, wrapped up in his arms and their own little world for just a few more minutes before the real world came crashing down again.

TBC...