XI:

Chaos. Gunshots. Her own voice over the din, crying, "NO!" Sister Peg falling at her side. The floor rising to meet her as quickly as she could drop. Blood on her hands. Blood everywhere.

So much blood.

Olivia pressed her hands against Sister Peg's wound in a futile attempt to slow the bleeding, but the nun was already too far gone to be saved. She looked out at Jenna, who was about to shoot one of the animals in the cage… and Elliot shot her before she could.

So much blood.

Liv rocked back and thought of the tiny life she carried inside her, how close she had come to – and she lost control for a moment, scrambling for the nearest wastebasket to empty the contents of her stomach into it. One of the uniformed officers – Gregory – came over and held her hair back as she heaved and sobbed, her hands covered in drying blood, her posture defeated in the aftermath of carnage.

"Detective, you need to go to the hospital and be seen," he said.

"I'm fine," Liv mumbled.

"Ma'am –"

"No, I'm okay – I didn't get hit…"

"Ma'am, please, I'd feel better if IAB didn't have another reason to point fingers about today," Gregory said. "I'm sure Detective Stabler will feel better, too."

She glanced over at him, still holding Jenna's limp body, looking like a lost little boy. And she wondered if she looked the same way; horrified and traumatized and shocked beyond all reason.

"I'm fine," she repeated, "but I'll go anyway." She stood up and went to her desk to get her phone from her purse, dialing Rafael quickly. "Hey," she said when he picked up. "How busy are you?"

"Eh… just a few meetings."

"We had an incident and I'm going to Mercy to get checked out," she said softly. "Can you meet me there?"

"Liv? Are you okay?"

"I think so. I didn't get shot, so… yeah."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he promised.

She hung up and got her jacket and purse, feeling a little dizzy and queasy as she looked at the chaos and carnage around her. Elliot finally registered that she was in the process of leaving, and he got up, his hands and forearms bloody. "Liv –"

"I'm going to the hospital," she said, "to get checked out."

"Did you get hit?" he asked anxiously, the panic clearly evident on his face.

"No – no…"

"She was going to – Liv, she was aiming at you and then –"

"El, I'm okay," she promised, "but I need to make sure the baby is okay." Her hand drifted to her abdomen for a brief moment, then back to her side.

His eyes widened. "You're pregnant? Shit, Liv – how far along are you? How long have you known?"

"I'm about ten weeks," she said softly. "And I've only known since last Tuesday."

"You should've been on desk duty," he scolded, "not out doing all the –"

"If you hadn't noticed, being behind a desk wouldn't have done me much good today, Elliot, so please don't patronize me," she snapped.

"Does he know? Mr. Brooklyn, your boyfriend – have you told him yet?"

She hesitated, then shook her head. "No, I was waiting till we were in the second trimester and safer," Olivia admitted quietly. "So he wouldn't worry as much. But now… now I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"He'll be excited," Elliot promised. "And scared to death. But if he loves you, Liv, he'll want this as much as you do."

The woozy feeling came over her again and she swayed on her feet. "Whoa, Detective," Gregory said, catching her firmly by one arm and the small of her back. "You okay there?"

"I really don't feel so well," Olivia admitted. The edges of her vision were starting to go grey, but she fought the urge to lose consciousness valiantly – except she didn't have a whole lot of fight left in her.

She woke up in the back of an ambulance, the siren being her first real signal of wakefulness. "Hey, there's Sleeping Beauty," an EMT joked gently. "How are you feeling, Detective Benson?"

"Not so great," Liv mumbled.

"We've got you on fluids and your blood pressure is very low," the EMT said. "Do you have a history of –"

"I'm pregnant," she slurred groggily. "Ten weeks. I've passed out a few times but not like that."

"Okay – you're probably a little dehydrated and in shock," the EMT said gently. "Still with me there? When was the last time you ate, Detective?"

She frowned, her brow creasing. "I was so sick this morning… couldn't keep anything but juice down. And I was nauseated at lunch, so I had a granola bar out of the vending machine not too long before Jenna – before – before she shot up the unit." She pressed her hand to her forehead and said, "I threw it up after the shooting."

"Yeah, that's understandable," he said with sympathy. "Your blood sugar is really low, Detective. That isn't good for you or for your baby. I'm going to need you to open your mouth and swallow this glucose gel as quickly as you can – it's going to raise your blood sugar so we can get you stabilized, okay?" He injected something into her IV port and she frowned, then watched him open a tube of glucose gel and press it to her lips. She swallowed until it was gone, and he praised her softly as the vehicle came to an abrupt stop.

There was a flurry of activity as she was rolled into the ER and so many questions were asked of her, but she still felt fuzzy and like she had cotton balls in her mouth. "My husband," Liv croaked out.

"We'll send him in as soon as he arrives," a nurse promised, checking her vitals. "Do you think you can handle some more glucose gel, Mrs. Benson?"

Olivia didn't correct her, didn't have the energy to correct her, and instead just nodded.

"Good – how's that nausea?"

"Tolerable."

"If it gets bad, we can give you something for it."

It only took another torturous minute to get another round of glucose gel into her, and Liv made a face at the sickening sweetness of it. "Ugh… what about my baby?" she asked. "Can I have some water, please? My mouth is so dry."

"Do you need to go to the bathroom yet?" the nurse asked gently.

"No –"

"Okay, we're going to get you into this hospital gown, Mrs. Benson –"

"Just Olivia, please, I'm not Mrs. anything," Liv sighed. "Unless you listen to my husband anyway. I don't need to be in a gown – I just need –"

"Olivia, we need to stabilize you and then we'll get an ultrasound tech in here and have a look-see at that baby of yours," the nurse promised. "But if your levels don't stabilize, we're going to need to admit you overnight for observation, okay? So if you'd like to cooperate, that would really help us out a lot."

Another nurse came in and helped her clean the blood off her hands and took her vitals again. "Your blood pressure is still low," he commented.

"Yeah," Liv said. She was left alone in the little ER room and she tried not to panic too much as she listened to the monitors beeping. She nodded off and was startled awake by a knock on the door and Rafael coming in. "Oh thank goodness you're here," she exhaled in a rush.

"They didn't tell me much but that your blood glucose and blood pressure are low," he said.

Her brow creased. "I didn't mean to make you worry –"

"Liv, I would've heard about the shooting before close of business anyway, and I would have been worried regardless," he pointed out, tangling his fingers in her hair. "You okay?"

"Not really," she whispered. "I… I don't know that I can talk about it yet."

"Okay. But you know I'm here when you're ready, yeah?"

The first nurse came back to change her IV bag. "Well, this must be Mr. Benson, then," she said with a smile. "Olivia, you need to go to the bathroom yet?" she asked.

"Not yet," Olivia replied.

"Honey, you're really dehydrated," the nurse scolded. "It's no wonder your blood pressure is screwed up. You really need to take better care of yourself. Now… the doctor's going to be in shortly after we get that ultrasound, okay? You want me to order you something to eat?"

"Maybe some toast?" Olivia said. "And a fruit cup?"

"That's not very much."

"I'm still really queasy."

"Do you need something for the nausea?" the nurse queried.

"Maybe." Liv's voice felt very small as it left her lips.

"Mi amor, you need to eat something," Rafael insisted.

"I'm not sure I can," she confessed.

"Okay, I'm going to see about getting you a protein shake," the nurse said kindly, "and I'll put in an order for toast and a fruit cup." She added some notes to the computer chart and was about to leave when the ultrasound tech arrived with his cart. "Oh, good, there you are. The Bensons are a little anxious – I hope you can assure them that everything is going to be fine."

The tech chattered away as he warmed up the gel and get things ready. To the point that even Rafael was a little annoyed because he didn't understand what was going on.

"Okay, Mrs. Benson –"

"Olivia, please, just Olivia," she corrected with a sigh.

"Olivia," he said with a chuckle, "I need you to lift your gown up and tuck the blankets down like so… yeah, just like that. The gel will probably still be a little cool, but it'll warm up to body temperature quickly."

"Liv?" Raphael said hesitantly.

It was only seconds before a heavy whooshing noise filled the speakers. "There we go, nice and strong heartbeat, Olivia… nice and strong." It took a little bit longer, but then a blurry picture emerged on the monitor, then resolved. "And that's your baby."

Rafael stared between her and the machine, dumbstruck with stunned awe. "A baby?" he choked out. "Our baby?"

"Our baby," she confirmed, tangling their fingers together and staring in wide-eyed wonder at the monitor. She'd already seen the sight before, on her previous doctor's visit when she'd first found out she was pregnant, but seeing his response made it all new and exciting. "Rafa… say something."

"Did you know?" he asked, squeezing her hand tightly.

"I found out about a week ago," she admitted. "I couldn't keep anything down and went to urgent care, and they did a pregnancy test and flu tests first thing." She licked her lips and murmured, "I was going to tell you when I got past the first trimester."

"How much longer would that be?" he asked, curiously, turning to look at her.

"About two and a half weeks?" she said hesitantly. "Not that long –"

He paused, then swallowed hard. "Liv… that's our baby – we're going to be parents."

"Yeah, Rafa, we are," she agreed with a tender smile.

"Holy shit."

"How do you think I feel?" she said.

"Your ass better be in a desk chair starting tomorrow," Rafael threatened with absolutely no malice in his tone whatsoever. "Or so help me, Olivia Benson…"

"So… not to get in the middle of your conversation or anything," the tech said cheerfully, "but everything looks good on my end, Olivia. Your fetus appears not to have been affected in any way and you should be good to go. Would you like print-outs of the scan?"

"Yes," Rafael said firmly. "Four, please."

"Four?" Liv said with a small smile.

"Si. One for you, one for me, one for Mami, and one for Abuelita." He grinned at her with pride. "They will be so happy when we tell them, Liv."

"I hope so," Olivia said with a small smile. The few times she had been able to spend time with Catalina, the older woman had been ecstatic to have her company and absolutely doted on her Rafi's wife like she was her own grandchild. To add a baby to the family would make the grannies so happy they would positively burst.

"Mami might even let up a little on the guilt trip," he pointed out cheerfully.

An orderly delivered Olivia's food from the cafeteria as she was cleaning up from the ultrasound gel, and she found that her nausea had let up a little bit – enough that she was able to eat the two pieces of dry toast and the fruit cup with ease. Her headache was easing up a bit as well, which seemed to be a good sign, too.

"So," an ER doctor said, breezing in with a smile, "Detective Benson, your blood sugar is finally coming up but your blood pressure is still being stubborn. I guess we'll just be glad it's not high at this point. I see you managed to eat something and keep it down – and your ultrasound results were good. I'd like to get another bag of fluids with glucose into you and make sure you urinate before I give the all-clear to send you on your way, though, since you were so dehydrated. Any problems with that?"

"No," Liv replied.

"And you really need to take better care of yourself, especially since you're pregnant," the doctor scolded. "I assume you're the baby's father?"

"I am," Rafael confirmed.

"Make sure she eats on a regular schedule and she drinks enough water to flush her kidneys," the doctor ordered. "Above and beyond any other instructions she's already been given. And Detective, you definitely shouldn't be on active duty for the remainder of your pregnancy – desk duty only. I'll provide you with documentation for your Captain, effective immediately."

Olivia nodded and waited for him to leave before she turned to Rafael and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I… I guess it's going to come out sooner rather than later."

"It's all right," he assured her.

"But I don't want to make life more difficult for you –"

"We can still fly under the radar," he reminded her. "Maybe even until the little one arrives. Just breathe, mi amor. It will be all right."

"Are you happy?" she asked, worried that he was putting on a show for her sake.

"I'm not going to lie, when I got off the phone with you and the report came in on the scanners that there was a shooting at the 16th, my heart nearly stopped beating, Liv," Rafael said softly, pressing his cheek to hers. "I was so scared because I didn't know if you'd been injured – I didn't know what 'going to the hospital to get checked' meant. And now… now we're having a baby. And I'm scared for entirely different reasons. But I'm so happy, Olivia – so happy I could burst."

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"I love you, Rafael Barba."

"Marry me, Olivia Benson," he whispered.

"Too late: I'm already married to a wonderful, fantastic man who is going to be the most amazing father," she murmured. "And you might want to call the nurse because I finally need to pee, hot stuff."

He chuckled and said, "Bedpan?"

"God, I hope not!"

TBC...