Disclaimer: DanMachi and its original characters are created and owned by Fujino Omori.
Chapter 4: Monster
The gentle breeze swept across the top of Orario's great walls. A mop of golden hair billowed in the wind- still wet- allowing that shivering cold feeling to kiss her forehead and cheeks. The orange sunlight danced off her skin, illuminating her features.
Ais Wallenstein had found herself coming here more and more ever since the past week- mostly so she could get some time to mull over her own thoughts.
And so, there she sat: her knees drawn to her chin and her arms dangling over the side of the parapet. Periodically, she drifted into a state of daydream; and periodically, she awoke herself to watch the light glittering and scattering along the clouds as the sun sank beneath the horizon.
xxx
Slowly, one foot in front of the other, Ais made her way aimlessly around the city of Orario under the blanket of stars splayed across the pale night sky. Occasionally, she looked up to glance at those very stars- like gems which hung above as if suspended in a grand chandelier. They danced along the vast world above, and if she closed her eyes and thought hard enough, she almost felt as if she were among those stars: she felt the breeze caress her face and the quenching condensation of the clouds roll past.
Even without a particular destination in mind, she still somehow allowed her feet to take her to the base of the Tower of Babel. With her vibrant golden eyes, she ran them along the length of the spire, taking in the intricately carved details. Then, letting her gaze linger up for a few seconds more, she felt the frigid air sweep through Central Park. She raised her shoulders, shuddering all the while, and wrapped herself tighter in her jacket.
Turning away from the Tower, she exited Central Park, stepping onto West Main. "Flowers. I'll buy some flowers," she mused to herself as she made her way down the stone-laid road. She felt yet another cold waft of air sweep down her jacket, lancing down her spine. Nonetheless, she simply pushed aside the autumn chill, instead retreating into her own thoughts.
"The nightmares have been coming more frequently lately." She breathed out a warm breath and trudged on. "I'm sorry, mom, dad, but I can't just yet. Whether these dreams invading me are a sign of something or simply me remaining stubborn, I don't know. Even still, I can't ignore them: they come so vivid to me that it feels like I'm living it again…"
Her hands tightened against her jacket. Then, she raised her gaze and looked around until she arrived at a quaint, little stall. A warm candlelight flickered at the front booth and Ais stopped as she reached the counter. She could almost feel the comforting heat of those homely flames. She took a moment and closed her eyes.
"And everytime I remember those times, I realize just how much I've missed you. I'm sorry, mom, dad, but I'm not yet ready. Even despite me becoming level 6- even despite me defeating Revis- even despite all these years… I'm still… just me. Still just me…" Opening her eyes, she shook the images from her mind, dispelling the thoughts.
The florist came to greet Ais and began preparing a small bouquet of flowers. Her hands worked deftly, and Ais watched on as if in a daze.
"I need more time. Is that alright with you…?"
She shuffled a few coins onto the counter as the florist gave her a gentle smile. Gingerly, she brought the bouquet to her chest. The fragrance of the flowers clung to her. She closed her eyes, mesmerized by the aroma.
"What am I saying? You've waited for nearly a thousand years by now, haven't you? You've waited for so long- you've always waited with that smile on your face and that warmth in your eyes- that smile I hated, because it was always there to comfort me. It was always there to lie to me: to tell me that everything was alright where it wasn't."
Cradling the bouquet in her arms, she made her way to Adventurer's Graveyard, pacing solemnly through the narrow passageways. She hadn't thought she'd be back here so soon after Elegia- not at least until the Winter Solstice. But… she needed someone to talk to.
"Maybe it was a stroke of luck that I survived. Or maybe it was my Fate and my Destiny to be here. I can't say for certain. But what I can say is that I'm still not strong enough; I'm weak."
The wind swept through the assortment of flowers surrounding the collection of graves. The blur of colours almost glowed under the pale moonlight.
"I'm sorry, dad. That elegant style you have imparted upon me: I still need more time to fully master it. Every time I pick up the blade, I can feel you there with me- guiding me… But, even after all the time I've spent watching you with mom- even after all the time I've spent honing my technique- even after all this time, I've yet to replicate it. Or maybe it simply isn't meant to be… I can't say."
She entered the clearing and took a seat by the memorial, setting the flowers down.
"I'm sorry, mom. That formidable power you have bestowed upon me: I still don't have control over it. I can feel them- the winds- they protect me. Is that a sign? A sign that you're here with me, mom? …I ask that question, yet I already know the answer. Because there's no way those gentle winds that once protected dad could become such a ruinous weapon."
She stared longingly into the face of the Hero- into the face of her father who she remembered so vividly. The face of her father who she admired- who she aspired to be like.
"I'm still… just me… the same, weak me all those years ago."
Then, averting her gaze, she stood up. Looking to the sky, she felt the wind swirl around her. She was almost lifted off her feet, and for a brief moment, she felt as if she were flying.
"I'm dreaming. And yet I have no control over it. And yet I do not know what they mean. Are they happy dreams? Happy dreams where I can be with mom and dad? Happy dreams where I can defeat the Dragon to save mother and avenge father? Happy dreams where I can rid myself of my own tainted conscience? Happy dreams where I can smile and laugh with the friends I've made? With my new family? With Riveria, Lefiya, Tiona, Tione, Finn, Gareth, Bete, Loki? With Bell?"
Quietly, she made her way out of Adventurer's Graveyard, through the narrow passageways. The dark shapes blurred and blended together, rushing past. Her breathing grew ragged and her jacket billowed in the open air.
"But… if it's just that, then wouldn't it be okay? Wouldn't it be okay to keep on dreaming those happy dreams?"
She slowed down her pace as she reached Southeast Main. She bit her lips, trying to contain her breaths.
"Yes, I want to keep dreaming those happy dreams. I want to keep living happily with my friends and my new family. I've finally found a new home, mom, dad… So, is it alright if I stay here just a little while longer?"
Walking into Central Park, she stopped, taking in the form of the Tower of Babel, framed by the pale moonlight.
"...Is it alright if, in time, I forget you?"
She allowed one more breath to escape her lips. The whistling of the wind played melodically in her ears.
"I say that, and yet I don't think I can ever forget. Everytime I close my eyes, it feels like you're right there- but when I open them again, you're gone. Everytime I close my eyes, I can remember mom's arms around me and her soothing voice singing those beautiful lullabies. I can remember dad's gentle smile and his firm hands holding me in a protective embrace. I can remember how much dad loved mom and how much mom loved dad. And… I have that, too! Bell is good- I love him- he saved me… from myself."
Her golden eyes scanned the starry night.
"That's right… he saved me. He had to save me because I was weak- because I lost myself- because I almost hurt the people I call my new family. He's a Hero, like dad- like I've always wanted to be- and I'm just me. Which is why I can't stay by his side."
She grimaced, her lips falling into a frown.
"If only I was more competent… if only I was stronger… if only I wasn't me… if only I wasn't Ais Wallenstein…"
She allowed her hands to drop to her sides as she began her walk along North Main.
"All the misfortunes of this world are born from the injustices. All the injustices of this world are born from our own incompetence. If I want anyone to blame, then I should blame myself."
One foot in front of the other, as if in a trance, she walked.
"I can only blame myself. If I want to achieve something, then I should do so with my own hands. I was born with the ability to act, thus it is my obligation to do so- to act and grasp my own ambition. I can't keep letting others save me. I can't wait for what I want to come to me. I have to train harder. I have to dive deeper into the Dungeon. I have to-"
She nearly stopped in her tracks, but caught herself, and kept walking.
"-but what is ambition without strength? Sheer stubbornness. And denial. Strength is competence. And competence is absolute. If I was competent, I could have won against Revis. If I was competent, I wouldn't need to be saved. If I was competent, I could save mom and avenge dad. If I was competent, I could stay here. If I was competent, I could protect my friends and new family. If I was competent-"
As she tilted her golden gaze upwards, she saw the approaching form of the Twilight Manor. This time, she froze.
"'If'…?"
Her teeth ground together.
"No, not 'if'. 'If' simply defeats the purpose. 'If' is to deflect blame. 'To be' is to accept blame. 'If' is to remain passive. 'To be' is to become active. 'If' is the past. 'To be' is the future. 'If' is to dream. 'To be' is to awaken."
She clenched her fist.
"That's right. Yesterday is long gone, but I should never forget it. Tomorrow is far away, still, so my journey is not yet over. All that I need is the me I am today, because I should not be trapped in the past nor blinded by the future. I, no longer, am the same person I once was, so, then, what will I become today?"
A smile almost crept onto her lips.
"How could I have forgotten?"
Then, steeling her resolve, she set her heart ablaze:
"Mom, dad, I'm not nearly ready yet. I'm still the same me I've always been. So please wait for me- please keep watching over me so I can once again see that smile I love."
xxx
Nearing the gates of the Manor, she meekly greeted the guards and entered, stepping into the courtyard. Then, arriving by the front door, she eased it open. Taking a step in, she allowed the warm and cozy atmosphere to surround her.
A short walk led her to the base of the stairs, and she began her climb. Another short walk through the dormitory led her to the doorstep of the Captain's Office. Raising her hand, she gently rapped her knuckles on the wooden door, making a resounding clack each time.
A few silent moments later, a muffled voice came from inside. "Come in," it said, and Ais gently twisted the knob, opening the door, stepping in, and shutting it behind her.
As she stopped just a few paces away from the desk, she came face to face with the jade-green eyes of the High Elf hidden behind a set of red, round-rim glasses. And, to the side, the chestnut-brown eyes of the Dwarf.
Riveria repositioned the glasses on her face, leaning forward and resting her chin on her knuckles. She had a strained smile on her face, and her voice came out uneasy. "Yes, Ais? Is there something I can help you with?"
She didn't respond for a couple of seconds, the High Elf simply raised her eyebrows in anticipation. Perhaps the time she's worked mothering this girl in particular has given her that sense of intuition to know that she needed to be patient. Thus, she waited, transforming her tired smile into something friendlier.
Though, to her satisfaction, she didn't have to wait long.
But, to her discontentment, this was what the girl had to say: "let me go into the Dungeon- past the 50th floors."
The smile dropped from Riveria's lips, but she maintained her calm face; she dropped her hands to the table, holding them up ever-so-slightly: a sign to Gareth sitting beside her that she would handle the situation.
Quietly, without a word, she slipped the glasses off of her face, folding them, and setting them on the table with a soft clink. "And why is that?" She asked before propping her chin up with her hands.
Ais stared with indifference. "Because I'm not strong; I need to get stronger."
This time, Riveria frowned. "And why is that?"
"Because I'm weak; I can't do anything."
"And why is that?"
"Because…"
Riveria waited.
"Because…"
And still, the High Elf remained patient.
"Because…"
"Because the King has become level 8."
Ais closed her mouth and looked down.
"Because of what happened a week ago."
She grabbed the hem of her jacket.
The High Elf sighed, and the noise made the girl look up. "Ais, look at me." Their eyes met. "It took King eight years to reach level 7. And then nearly another eight to reach level 8." Then, she swept her eyes around, "look at Finn, Gareth, and me. Nearly eight years, and we're still what we were since the end of the Dark Ages."
"But-"
"No buts. It took you nearly three years just to reach level 6. You've only been at it for less than a year by now. There's still time; there's no need to rush."
"But-"
Riveria sighed once more. "Yes, but Bell Cranel could probably do it." Her shoulders dropped, "yet that simply doesn't matter. You are you and he is him. Mayhaps he is special; mayhaps the rest of us are simply missing a secret- there are many things yet to be discovered about the Falna." The Elf played with the glasses, pressing them to her palm. "Ais, you're already good enough. I can't say I understand why you feel this way. Tell me, what did you do two months ago?"
She was silent for a while. Then, "I…"
"...defeated Revis." Riveria finished the phrase for the girl.
Ais' voice came back firm and resolute: "no."
"No?"
"I defeated Revis, yes." She conceded. "But I did not win against Revis."
"I fail to see the distinction, Ais."
"How can I call it victory when I rely on the help of others? How can I call it victory when I couldn't do it alone? How can I call it victory when I almost hurt my friends-!?" She brushed her hands into her scalp, wiping away loose golden strands of hair.
"Ais…"
"It matters; all of it matters. Why wouldn't it matter? Besides, I couldn't even win against the Far Easterner…" She stopped as her hand curled into fists. "The Sword Princess, bested with the blade. How can I still call myself strong…? How can I…?" She choked on her own words, and fell quiet.
Riveria remained silent, believing it was the best thing to do.
"I'm… in a race." Ais breathed out, and the Elf quietly listened. "There are many different people in that race," her voice became nearly indiscernible, "but all of them are moving towards the finish line." Ais looked down, "if it's a race that I want to win, then I have to catch up to the people in front of me and I need to keep track of the people behind me. The King and Freya familia are further than ever before; the Far Easterner and the rest have overcome me; and Bell is already on my heels… I fell behind because I got comfortable with where I was and how I was progressing…"
"It's an interesting analogy." The High Elf conceded, choosing her next few words very carefully, "and yet life is not so simple, is it?" Ais did not understand her question. "Tell me, Ais, why do you believe only one person may win? Why do you believe that everyone is striving for the same goal- towards the same finish line?"
She nearly faltered. Her face scrunched up as she considered the question. Then, having come up with an answer she responded: "it's only natural, isn't it? If someone wins, another must lose. How can many people win at once?"
"And the second question?"
"Everything bad that happens is a result of our own weaknesses and shortcomings. To be strong and competent is to be free: to fly unrestrained alongside the stars."
"Then, what do you think happens when you reach the end?"
"I get to be free: I win."
"Free from what? Win what?"
"Win…" She stopped herself. "Win…" She repeated, again and again and again and again, her voice breaking even more everytime she said it. Riveria frowned, getting up from her chair and rounding around the table to get to the girl.
But she never made it that far-
"I don't know. Maybe when I win, I'll get my mom back- my real mom. Is that so wrong?"
Brushing the tears away from her face, she ran away, slamming the door behind her, leaving the High Elf and the Dwarf alone in the office.
Gareth watched Riveria as she sat down and cupped a hand to her cheek.
Finally breaking the silence, he spoke: "I didn't think the poor lass would become like that again."
She sighed, "I didn't either."
"What do you think she'll do?"
Nearly chuckling, she responded: "whatever she wants. Does it look like I have the means to stop her?" She turned a questioning gaze over to the Dwarf.
He laughed, "no, I suppose you don't." Bringing a hand up to stroke his chin, he cocked an eyebrow, "so? What are you going to do?"
Leaning back in her seat, she crossed her legs. Then, tilting forward again, she reached across the table, pinching the eyeglasses with her thumb and index and unfolding it. "I would like to say I'd watch over her, like before. But I don't think that's what she needs right now."
"Is this perhaps a mother's intuition?" A hearty chuckle escaped his chest.
"Mayhaps. But I think it's different from that. Think of it as the experiences of a silly girl who also once yearned to be free." She set the glasses onto her face and let her hand drop to the pages sprawled over the desk. "I think what she needs right now is to decide things for herself. If I keep on babysitting her, then she'll never learn to make these decisions. If she truly meant what she said, then she wouldn't let my words stop her." She allowed a smile to grace her lips, "she's grown up now, isn't she? I'm sure she can decide her own life for herself now."
And with that, their conversation was brought to a close, Riveria shuffled the notes on the desk but stopped nearly a minute later.
She said she wouldn't interfere, but not doing anything worried her to no end. "Gods, I wish Finn was here right now." Almost subconsciously, it slipped from her mind.
The mention of their Captain caused the room to grow even colder. The both of them shared a pained look; their gazes held a silent conversation.
xxx
Slowly, the girl's back slid against the cold, wooden door. Her shoulders leapt up-and-down as she pressed her palms to her face. She drew her knees to her chest, curling herself into a ball. Then, the first few tears finally fell. She clawed at her cheeks, her nails digging into her skin. The blood mixed with her tears, sliding down her chin and dripping to the floor. She allowed a quiet sob to escape her lips.
Then, she felt a weight on her head: something small- something warm.
"Are you okay?" A voice echoed in her mind.
"Yes. I'm fine. Go away."
"Are you hurt? Why are you crying?"
"No, I'm not hurt; I'm fine. Please. Go away. Please."
"Do you want me to get help? Do you want a hug? A kiss?"
"Go away. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please-"
She felt the weight lift away from her head. The next instant, she felt a hand brush against her face, sweeping away her hair. Then, a pair of soft lips pressed against her forehead-
Subconsciously, Ais' hands went up, grabbing the first thing she felt.
Her grip tightened and she turned her golden gaze upwards. "Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away-"
And there, in her hold was a little girl: a round, plump face; a messy mop of golden hair; and a pair of equally golden eyes.
"It… hurts-" the girl clawed at her own grip, trying to release the stranglehold on her neck. "-s-top-"
Even still, Ais didn't let go. The pressure of her grip increased. She threw herself forward onto her knees, pushing the girl down.
The girl kept struggling, kicking her legs and flailing her arms. Tears fell onto her cheeks, mixing with her own.
"You should stop that." Another voice echoed through the room- her mind- causing Ais to look back. Her grip loosened and she lunged to the side, scooping her rapier off the ground and drawing the blade. Then, she took a step forward, priming her arm for a downwards slash- only to stop as she gazed into a pair of golden eyes.
Standing in front of her was yet another young girl- an apparition of herself.
No, perhaps that was an inaccurate assessment. This one was younger: likely nine, but definitely younger than ten. Then, she shifted her gaze over to the other side of the room, looking at the other girl- the other Ais- sprawled on the floor, still limp. That one couldn't have been more than six.
Ais' grip on her rapier wavered and she brought it to her sides. With bloody tears still running down her cheeks, she took a step back, the legs under her threatening to collapse. She managed to croak out a question: "who…?"
"I am you and you are me," the younger Ais allowed her hands to drop to her side.
"We are one and the same," Ais turned to watch little Ais stand up, rubbing the web of purple bruises left on her neck.
Ais' breathing became shallow. "What…? Why…?"
"Why? We're here to help you, that's why!" Little Ais gave her a radiant smile, like she had already forgotten what had happened a few moments ago. She hopped onto her little feet and pranced over, bouncing on her heels.
"Help? Help?" Ais took another step back. "Help? I don't need help. What are you saying?"
"Oh, but you looked so sad…" Little Ais fumbled around with her hands, playing with the hem of her dress. "Mommy always gave me hugs and kisses when I was sad, so I thought it'd cheer you up!" She allowed a wide, carefree smile to spread out on her lips.
At the same time, young Ais took a step forward. In response, Ais retreated again, taking several steps back. However, this time, she finally collapsed- her knees giving way under her. Desperate dropped to her sides and she barely managed to hold herself up, leaning backwards on her arms.
Even still, young Ais approached. Ais, with whatever strength she had left, tried to escape, crawling and thrashing like a wounded animal.
But, no matter what she tried, she couldn't move.
With one last step, Ais turned around, her golden eyes filled with fear. She felt a hand approach, sliding under her chin. Her face was tilted up, and her gaze followed. For a brief moment, gold met gold.
"You've taken many steps forward, but even more back. You have a stronger blessing and yet you're weaker than before. Why have you stopped? Why have you stopped, Ais!? Don't you want to save mom!? Don't you want to avenge dad!? All you needed to do was to kill the monsters. Kill them and get stronger. That's what I told you; that's what I did for you. I killed the monsters for you; I killed them and made you stronger; I killed them and gave you a chance." Ais nearly flinched, her body quivered as she remained frozen. Looking into the eyes of her younger self, she found herself lost in those irises. "All you had to do was keep killing them- all you had to do was keep getting stronger-!" Her face contorted into fury. "Just what the hell have you been doing these past seven years!? What are you going to do about the blood on my hands, Ais!?"
She felt the familiar coldness of her armour against her skin, as well as the almost comforting weight it carried. In some sense, it brought her some relief and worked to clear her mind.
As she adjusted the straps on her breastplate, she shuffled over to the other side of the room, freeing her scabbard from the hook on the wall and attaching it firmly to her belt. Then, as she fastened the last few straps, she swung her arms and twisted her torso around experimentally, testing her range of motion.
Finally, once she was satisfied with her work, she made her way to the door and eased it open. Taking in a deep breath, she took her first step out. Then another, and another.
Soon enough, she exited the Twilight Manor and made her way Southward. In the soft haze of the early morning, the Sword Princess marched forward- towards the finish line.
xxx
The clashing of metal made its way to her experienced ears, and she felt herself drawn in by the sounds. Making her way through the narrow and dark passageways, she finally reached the end. And, in front of her eyes was the large arena which stood at the center of Freya familia's household, Folkvangr.
Along the side of the large enclosure, fighters weaved through columns and clashed, sending the sound of their weapons coming together echoing throughout the room. Fighters bounded through the training field, practically picking a fight with anyone- even if they were already in combat with someone else.
Ais scanned her eyes around the room as the guard who had led her here left, returning the way they came. Eventually, her gaze fell onto her destination and she moved forward, working her way through the groups of people sparring. Her presence stood out like a sore thumb- none of Freya familia's lower ranking members dared to approach, and they made sure to steer clear of her path.
Finally, she stopped in the center, watching as the Cat man danced on the balls of his feet, driving his spear forward, tracing silver lines in the air as he fended off an attack from the quartet of Pallums.
One of them- Grer- stepped forward with a quick strike. Allen easily caught the strike with the shaft of his spear. Then, with paralyzing speed, he leapt upwards, kicking with his left leg and connecting a side-kick with his right, sending the Pallum backwards. Nimbly, Vana Freya landed just as two more approached. A hammer slammed into the ground where he stood, sending upwards a cloud of dust. Then, an axe came, deflecting Allen's counter-thrust, forcing him to retreat just as the hammer whizzed past his ears.
Berling and Dvalinn stepped forward with tempo, striking from both sides, hoping to cut off Allen's attempts to escape. Even still, the Cat man easily avoided the blows: ducking, strafing, hopping, and diving. The hammer and axe combo slammed into the ground and sailed through the air, but neither found their mark. Then, finding an opportunity to regain the offensive, Allen thrusted, only to have the attack stopped, being caught by the groove within Berling's axe.
The two grappled, but the Pallum was able to come out on top, having far better leverage over the bind. He sent Allen's spear off to the side and aligned his axe for a diagonal strike. It came down quickly as Berling leapt forward and struck. Nonetheless, the Cat man was faster, and Allen disengaged, leaning backwards out of range. Then, he dove to the side rolling, evading the crushing blow of a hammer and hopped into stance to deflect a thrust from Alfrigg, knocking aside the blow with the shaft of his spear.
Given the opportunity, Allen quickly capitalized, lunging forward and thrusting. Alfrigg quickly deflected the strike, defending the blow with his own spear. Then, as the elder Bringar stepped backwards even more in response to Allen's lightning quick blows, the Cat man continued pressing his advantage. Berling, Dvalinn, and Grer moved to assist their eldest brother.
But the Fastest in the City wasn't a title given lightly.
Fast enough that even Bringar had trouble registering his movements, the speartip of his polearm slammed into Alfrigg's breastplate, sending him backwards tumbling into the pavement.
The Cat man hopped as the axe and hammer came down from both sides. He landed a tornado kick against Dvalinn, then, dropping to the floor and grappling with Berling's axe, he swept the feet from under him.
Grer attacked overhead, bringing his greatsword down. Allen easily dodged, strafing to the side and dashing forward, thrusting with his spear. Even still, the youngest Pallum took several steps backwards, retreating and raised his blade to parry.
Even still, Vana Freya continued attacking, thrusting and stepping forward each time, increasing the speed until he finally broke through. The spear slipped past Grer's defense, barely skewering his head. Stumbling backwards, Allen swept his spear in a wide arc, forcing Grer onto his back.
From the sidelines, King, Hildrsleif, and Dainsleif all watched silently, replaying the fight in their minds.
Standing just off to the side, away from the other Freya familia executives, Ais stared vacantly at the small circular arena where Allen stood. His silver spear glared against the harsh lights.
At last, the King turned to her, his rust bronze gaze meeting her golden irises. No words were exchanged between them.
Quietly, Ais unsheathed her blade and stepped into the arena. Moving opposite to her, Bringar stepped out; Vana Freya remained.
Still, no words were exchanged.
Not long after, the two fighters began.
xxx
The howling of the wind rose and Ais lunged.
At the same time, Allen advanced to meet her, swinging his spear sideways: sending Ais' thrust off to the side. Then, shifting himself forward, he pressed the shaft of his spear down, and slid his spear through her defenses.
Ais used her wind to reposition herself, wiping her arm downwards to deflect the thrust and swinging herself around diagonally, using her momentum to set up a horizontal strike.
However, her attack missed as Allen quickly pivoted and brought his spear back to block her blow. Pushing against the shaft of his spear, he spun the polearm and slashed upwards, nearly slicing her head open.
She tumbled to the ground, rolling and getting back onto her knees. Raising her weapon, she entered a defensive stance just as Allen charged. The Cat man attacked, his spear flicking forwards like a snake's tongue. Even still, Ais simply leapt backwards, getting back onto her feet as she deflected the attacks that came, strafing and parrying with her rapier.
With a final thrust, Ais quickly retreated, stepping out of Allen's range, she raised her blade defensively, watching as Allen closely. Vana Freya raised his own weapon and the two encircled on another, waiting for the first opportunity to strike.
Their eyes met for a brief moment, and a spark flashed between them.
"Awaken, Tempest." Ais lunged forward with a downwards strike.
Allen prepared a counter attack, sending his spear forward to force her away. However, she simply swept her arm sideways, deflecting the Cat man's attack before aligning her rapier for a thrust of her own.
Pivoting, Allen quickly stepped to the left, catching his polearm with his left hand and blocking Ais' blow, sending it gliding off his spear harmlessly. Then, taking another step sideways, he swiftly repositioned his spear, swinging leftwards horizontally. Ais defended with the guard of her rapier, catching the spear in the groove and not allowing it to approach. However, Allen simply continued his encircling movement, and thrusted.
She sent her arm upwards, guiding Allen's attack away before stepping in for a lightning-fast strike using a flick of her wrist. Then, continuing to press her advantage, she swung it around overhead for a diagonal strike. Vana Freya easily dodged the first blow and brought his spear down to block the second strike.
However, Sword Princess never stopped her counterattack. Lunging forward, she made a feint. Allen didn't even flinch and simply thrusted, warding her way. Even still, she crouched downwards, avoiding the attack and sliced upwards with her blade.
Using the agility he was famous for, the Cat man stepped back, avoiding the blow. He bent his knees, like a feline preparing to pounce.
As Ais also stepped back to recover her stance, Allen exploded- dashing forward. His spear flashed forward in a thrust to the waist and Ais swept her blade down to deflect. Then, another thrust came to her left and on pure instinct, Ais raised her arms and flinched, barely avoiding the attack.
However, the next came too fast.
The silver speartip pushed into Ais' right pauldron, even as she waved her hands to stop the attack. With only one thing she could do, she allowed her left hand to rise, grabbing hold of the spear. Even as Allen pulled away to break free, she held on. And, with as much strength as she could muster, she threw herself sideways, swinging the spear over her head and opening up her rapier for a clean horizontal strike.
Even still, the Vana Freya quickly improvised his grip on the spear, allowing his left hand to drift and catch Sword Princess' wrist. The two locked arms and wrestled.
Quickly going on the offensive, Allen threw his weight sideways, forcing Ais to stumble. She took several fast steps, trying to maintain her footing, but he simply continued, each time, guiding her with more and more control. Finally, having determined this as a waste of time, he kicked, first hitting her shin then her knee.
Nearly falling, she dropped to her left knee and lost her grip on his spear. In retaliation, she swung her right leg around and stamped it down on the Cat man's kneecaps, causing his legs to buckle. Then, trying to buy herself some time, she threw a punch with her left hand, connecting the blow with his jaw.
However, he didn't stagger as she had hoped. His left hand immediately went up to catch the wrist. Then, he planted a foot square into her breastplate.
She fell onto her back, making a last ditch effort to swing her sword arm to fend off her attack.
However, attacking blindly, she was unable to do much against the Cat man as he kicked her arms away, pinning them to the ground. Threateningly, he raised the polearm, pressing the spearhead against her jaw.
The moment she felt the cold metal against her face, she stopped resisting and allowed her limbs to go limp. A few moments later, the sensation was gone and Allen stepped away, unpinning her arms.
Ais allowed herself to remain like that for a little while: her chest heaving up and down and her forehead caked in sweat. She groaned as she finally felt the blood recirculate back into her limbs. Then, taking another minute, she finally propped herself onto her elbows. She brought her hand up to rub at her bruises, wincing as the sharp pain lanced down her spine.
A blurry figure shrouded in darkness appeared before her. Mist rolled off the shoulders of the apparition, blackening as if turning to ash. Standing over her, a raspy voice echoed from the unhinged mouth of the spectre: "You're weak."
She gripped Desperate and sat up as she watched the Cat man exit and the Light Elf step in.
"Hey, do you know, Ais?"
She wiped the sweat from her brow and stood up, allowing her arms to fall to her sides.
"Do you know why the gods gave us the name 'Sword Princess'?"
Hedin raised his glaive-like weapon- a bladed edge on one side and a magic staff on the other.
"Because that was what we were- a weapon. That was our Fate: a tool designed to kill- designed to do nothing more than kill."
She took several deep breaths as Hildrsleif waited for her to get ready. Her arms shook from the loss of circulation, but she paid it no mind. "Awaken, Tempest," she chanted her magic, and instantly, her grip stabilized. She lifted her blade into a defensive stance, signifying she was ready.
"Kill, kill, kill. A sword is used to eliminate threats: used to exterminate monsters, used to defeat rival, used to punish friends and enemies who've forgotten their place."
Ais lunged forward as the wind coiled around her. "Lil Rafaga."
"Used and discarded once all is said and done."
Meeting her attack, a burst of lightning pierced the tempest.
"Do you want to go away, Ais? Do you want to be forgotten? You'll die, you know?"
She gritted her teeth.
"Come on, Ais. Raise your sword. Raise your sword and cut him down. Cut him down and become stronger- strong enough so you'll never be forgotten."
Both fighters jumped back as they readied their weapons for another clash. Hildrsleif would be the first to act as he lunged forward. Ais stepped forward to meet him. The piercing lightning met the swift wind.
"A strong sword is one that will never hesitate to cut down its target."
There was silence.
Then: "tell me, Ais, when will you stop putting on this charade?"
xxx
The gentle breeze caressed her face as she walked through the stony pathway atop the grand walls of Orario. Walking aimlessly, with one step in front of the other, she paraded through the deserted walkway. The whistling of the wind and the footfalls of her uneven steps punctuated the drear silence.
"I'm dreaming."
She continued her pacing, closing her eyes. Her face contorted into a melancholic grimace.
"I think it's good; I think that's a good thing. It means that I've still yet to forget about them. It means I've still yet to give up on them."
She stopped, her legs freezing up as she tilted her gaze sideways to glance at the horizon. Distant, gloomy clouds blanketed the sky, allowing only the smallest slivers of that beautiful orange glow to seep through. Even still, she watched, leaning over the parapet.
"And, because I'm dreaming, I'm not afraid…"
The first drops of rain fell.
"No, that's a lie. Of course I'm afraid: afraid that these happy dreams will turn into something far worse, afraid that I'll begin to forget about these happy dreams, afraid that I won't be able to make these dreams a reality, afraid that my nightmares will come true instead, afraid that I'll lose everything- my friends, my family, myself."
Tilting her gaze up to the sky, she felt the light pitter patter of the rain against her face. The wind blew across the high walls surrounding Orario. And, even despite the cold that attacked every part of her body, she felt at ease.
"Once in a while, I'll get this singular thought…"
Allowing her wet hair to drape over her face, she began her walk home, turning away from the perilous rain.
"...what if this is simply the extent of my strength?"
She wrapped herself tighter in her jacket as she felt the cold water run down her back. She shuddered.
"… and what am I supposed to do about it? Shall I accept that it is my Fate? Shall I push forward despite the futility? Shall I curse the world for being unfair?"
Stepping onto the uneven stairs leading down, she slicked her hair back, brushing it away from her eyes.
"No, but that's simply preposterous."
Reaching the base of the stairs, she continued along the alleyways.
"That's preposterous… I say that, but I can't help but feel like it's justified. Would it be so wrong to condemn the world once in a while? Would it be so wrong to take that pain away- to believe that nothing is your fault- for just a little while?"
One foot in front of the other, she reached the front gates of the Twilight Manor under the dark clouds. Making her way to the front door, she pulled the jacket even tighter against her body. The water dripped onto the carpet and she shivered.
"I don't want to lose myself…"
She climbed the stairs, trailing rainwater as she went.
"I don't want to die…"
Stumbling to her dorm, her right hand released its grip on her jacket, going for the knob.
"Please: keep on dreaming those happy dreams."
She fell to her knees as soon as the door closed behind her.
"Please: don't ever forget those happy memories."
She grasped at nothing, clutching her hands close to her chest.
"Please… don't ever leave me. I don't want to forget. Please-"
Ais collapsed to the floor, her hands pressing into the cold concrete. Struggling with shaking arms to hold herself up, she let out a laboured breath. With a terrible, throaty rasp, she pushed herself onto her knees. Then, once she was stable, she reached her hands out, closing them around the grip of her rapier. As she steadied her breathing, she tried to get herself back onto her feet, only to fail and collapse again.
She gritted her teeth just as that same familiar weight dropped onto her head.
"Help me, Ais…" The voice of the little girl whimpered.
She never looked up. Instead, with her hair still sprawled over her hung head, she tried again, lifting herself onto her feet. First, she got into a low crouch. Then, with her stance wide, she finally got onto her feet. She brought her left hand to her face and wiped the sweat from her chin. Her right hand tightened on the grip Desperate.
Finally, her gaze shifted upwards and she met the golden eyes of little Ais. As her chest heaved up and down, she continued to stare. She watched as little Ais took a step closer, wiping a tear away from her face.
"It hurts. It hurts. Make it stop. Please, make it stop…"
But Ais didn't respond; she simply watched, her jaw hung agape as she sucked in plentiful breathfuls of air. Little Ais took a step forward, grabbing onto Ais' hands.
Holding on tight, little Ais didn't dare to let go. "Home. Let's go home. Home to where mommy and daddy are. Let's go home and be happy."
Ais allowed one last exhale to escape her lips before she stepped forward and opened her stance, holding Desperate defensively. Just a few paces away, Allen dropped into stance, holding his spear out, preparing for anything she may try.
"No more, Ais." She heard the whisper in her ear. "I'm here, Ais; I'm here, so accept me." She felt hands grab her shoulders: it felt icy cold, and she felt a shudder go down her spine. Nonetheless, she ignored the sensation, opting instead to keep her eyes on the Cat man. "Allow it, Ais. That same power I used against Revis. Allow it, Ais. Allow it."
Her fist tightened around her blade. Her lips parted, and she chanted: "awaken, Tempest."
The apparition stumbled back, the black mist surrounding her body pushing against the golden-green winds of Ariel. "Don't ignore me, Ais. Why do you ignore me, Ais?"
She dashed forward and made a feint for the face. As Allen thrusted to meet her lunge, she ducked to the side and slashed horizontally. The Cat man nimbly pivoted to the side and brought the spear downwards to deflect the blow. Immediately, Vana Freya countered, driving forward and thrusting low then high. Ais brought her rapier down, flicking aside the first thrust before leaping backwards, avoiding the second.
Shooting her hands out, she raised her guard and strafed to the right. Opposing her, Allen dropped his spear, releasing the tension in his body. The two encircled each other as he made several feint jabs, trying to catch her off guard. Nonetheless, her golden eyes watched each movement Vana Freya made, not overreacting to any of them.
Beads of sweat formed on Ais' forehead as her face contorted into focus.
The raspy whisper came again: "Not enough, Ais."
She licked her parched lips.
"Stop it, Ais. Stop ignoring me."
Her hands tightened around Desperate.
"Please, don't ignore me."
Her golden eyes widened as she saw Allen's shoulders tense.
"You can't do it forever."
"He's coming-"
"One day, you'll need me. One day."
She pressed her blade forward, preparing to defend.
"It might as well be now."
She leaned back and barely avoided a high thrust. Then, she swung her blade diagonally, connecting it with the low thrust and deflecting it off-course. She stepped forward with tempo, wiping her blade upwards in a vertical slash. Allen skillfully pivots, strafing to the right, using his spear shaft as a guide to keep Ais' attack out of harm's way.
Then, initiating a counterattack, Allen swings his spear around, aiming for a thrust at her head. In response, Ais simply continues pressing her offensive and makes a short horizontal slash, slamming the flat of her blade against the spear, knocking it aside.
Quickly shifting herself from one strike to the next, she swings overhead, bringing it downwards diagonally. Allen easily steps back, deflecting the strike and making yet another thrust to Ais' face. She, too, steps back, and swings her blade around, cutting down the attack.
Planting her back foot firmly against the group, she shifted her stance, closing her guard and preparing for another attack.
And that attack came- but far sooner than she expected.
There was a flash of silver as Allen's spear missed her face by a hairbreadth. Ais allowed a tense breath to be released as she stumbled back just as another silver arc was carved into the air. This time, though, she was able to defend against the blow, bringing Desperate upwards to deflect the strike.
Even still the next one came just as fast.
Like an arrowhead, the spear penetrated her guard, straying ever so slightly from its mark. Then, a quick low jab followed by an upwards, diagonal slash. Ais' sword arm wavered, being blown back by the frenzy of attacks.
Gritting her teeth, she took several steps back, abandoning her previous stance in favour of a more tightly closed guard. She crouched, keeping her center of gravity low.
Her golden gaze made out the figure in front of her and she tightened her grip on Desperate just as Allen swung his left arm around.
Throwing himself forward, he allowed the spear to rip through the space between them- causing the air to vibrate.
"Awaken, Tempest." The wind coiled around her body as she stepped sideways to dodge the attack, raising her rapier to divert the javelin.
Even still, the force of Allen's throw pierced the protective shell of Ariel. Ais' arm was blown backwards and she stumbled, falling to her knees. Her left arm fell to the ground for support, and she pushed off just in time to meet the force of Allen's kick. Though, she only managed to soften the blow.
Her arms shook as she toppled backwards. Urging the winds to bind around her sword arm, she stabilized her grip and made a blind slash- inevitably missing her mark-
"Ais…"
Light as a feather, she was sent plummeting backwards as a kick planted square into her breastplate. Desperate clattered away from her grasp onto the ground. She landed right on her side, the breastplate she wore dug into her ribs as she hit the ground. Then, rolling for a few meders, she finally came to a stop, her hair plastered against her face, glued there as a result of the blood and sweat caking her forehead.
Standing over her, the same darkened apparition leaned down. "Accept me, Ais."
She wheezed, letting out a nasty cough. She rolled onto her side and clawed at the ground.
"Come. Let's go, Ais."
Gulping in lungfuls of air, she slammed her palm into the concrete.
"It's time."
Once more, the winds folded around her, stabilizing her body as she propped herself up onto her knees.
"Let us become one."
Ignoring the whispers, she got into a low crouch and wiped her chin with her sleeve.
A few paces away, Allen stepped forward as his hands curled tighter into fists. He clicked his tongue as he turned his feline gaze over to the swordswoman, watching as she stood back up.
He sneers, brandishing his retrieved spear. Slowly, he approached, dragging the weapon along with him.
"Allen."
His gaze flickered over as he ground his molars. He glared, meeting the large man's rust bronze gaze. The King approached with the silver, gleaming greatsword in his right hand.
"Take a break," he said. Then, taking a stand before the Cat man, he looked down and off to the side. "I'll switch in."
Allen simply curled his lips in disdain and turned away.
Waiting for him to leave, Ottar turned his gaze back onto Ais. She brushed her hands against her face, slicking her hair back with sweat and blood. She stabilized her breathing, allowing her hands to drop to her sides. Ottar continued observing, his hands shifting grip on the greatsword.
Finally, Ais looked up, her golden eyes flashing with fervor, as if issuing a challenge.
Then, with his newly acquired level 8 speed, he leapt forward and brought the blade up to attack.
"You're hopeless, Ais. When will you stop?"
"Awaken, Tempest." The wind howled and she leapt off to the side, avoiding the crushing blow which came towards her. She rolled against the ground and came to a stop, getting back onto her knees and swiping her weapon up from the ground. She flourished Desperate and raised it into a hanging stance.
"Why do you ignore me?"
Her golden eyes watched the form of the Boaz, waiting for his next move.
"My salvation. Our salvation. Is that worth nothing to you?"
Her chest heaved up and down rhythmically.
"You want to win, don't you?"
Her hands tightened around Desperate.
"Win. Win. Win. Win."
The winds wrapped around her body.
"Win. Because the strong win."
She lunged forward, thrusting at the Boaz's face. He swiftly pivoted, raising the greatsword and deflecting the blow. Ais' attack was sent to the side, and Ottar immediately stepped forward.
Transitioning from defense to offense, he swung horizontally, forcing Ais to retreat, inching herself out of range as the man's blade sailed past. Reengaging on a dime, she hopped in for a vertical strike downwards followed by a jab.
Ottar's greatsword met the initial strike perpendicularly, stopping it altogether. Then, tilting his blade, he met her thrust, stepping forward and using the leverage of his heavier weapon to bind Desperate. Flowing from one move to the next, he shot forward, sending the tip of his greatsword to Ais' face.
She quickly sidestepped and strengthened her grip on the rapier using Ariel, wiping it sideways to parry the thrust before swinging overhead for a counterattack.
However, before she could connect her strike, Ottar pivoted, rolling his wrists and bringing the greatsword into an upwards slash. Ais was forced to divert her counter in favour of defense, deflecting the Boaz's heavy attack, and retreating several steps.
She leapt backwards just as Ottar reached the apex of his swing. Landing, she opened her stance and adopted a long guard. Her golden gaze zeroes in on the King's hulking form.
Behind her, a figure shrouded in darkness whispered: "our salvation. Our dream. Our ambition."
By her side, a little girl hugged herself, whimpering: "it hurts. Mommy, daddy, it hurts. Someone… help."
Kneeling in front of her, a young girl clawed at her own face: "I can't stop. Please, I need to keep going."
"Win, win, win, win, win; win and survive."
"Help… help… help- make it stop-!"
"Kill, kill, kill, kill; kill the monsters."
"Join me; call my name, Ais. Please call my name. Call my name and you can win."
"Let's go home, okay? Home to where mommy and daddy are. We can be happy."
"I need to kill the Dragon. I need to avenge dad. I need to save mom."
All three voices merged into one: """please don't ignore us, Ais-"""
Then, as if a pin had dropped, the voices stopped.
She chanted: "awaken, Tempest."
xxx
"I'm dreaming."
She ran her hands along her tricep, washing away the cluster of soapy bubbles.
"Or, at least, that's what I hope."
Gliding along her skin, she reached over to her forearms. Then her other arm and her torso; then her legs.
"I'm dreaming."
She ran her lithe fingers through her silky hair, allowing the soapy water to cascade down over her back.
"Because there's no way these nightmares are real. Because I wouldn't be able to take it if they were real. How could they be?"
Still in the embrace of the warm water, she reached her right hand up to her torso, rubbing the side of her chest. She winced as she brushed against a purple bruise.
"But… where did those once happy dreams go? Where are those memories I vowed never to forget?"
Gritting her teeth, she pressed her fist against the tiled, ceramic walls.
"Please: I don't want to forget. Please: don't leave me. Please; I'll do anything."
Again and again, she hit her fist into the walls, barely loud enough to hear over the sound of the water.
"I want to keep smiling. I want to keep laughing. I want to stay here with them. I don't want to go…"
The water stopped and she brought the last few drops to her face, dousing herself in that fading warmth. With flushed cheeks and a shiver, she turned and stepped out of the booth. Quickly, she draped the towel over herself, drying her hair and wiping down her body. Clutching it close around her, she wandered through the female quarters, her skin still moist and her hair still wet.
"Why am I worried…?"
Then, arriving at the doorstep of her dorm, she looked down through the messy mop of golden hair to study the plate of food.
"That's right, there's no need to worry. Because I'm dreaming."
Crouching down, Ais reached for the plate and gingerly lifted it before stepping into her room.
"Dreaming… Dreaming…"
The door gently closed behind her. Making her way to her bed, she sat herself down. Then, taking a nibble at the buttered bun, she allowed a gasp to escape her lips. Tears pricked at her eyes as she ate- bite, after bite, after bite-
"Always just dreaming. And I'll keep on dreaming. And maybe, one day, those happy dreams will return to me. One day, those happy dreams will become real."
The girl turned in her bed, resting on her side. And then, a few moments later, she turned again, the sheets shifting as she moved.
Her hands tightened around the bedsheets, and with a groan, she threw them back, flipping over and lettering her legs dangle over the side of the bed. Bringing her left hand to scratch her eyes, she pushed off, feeling the cold wooden floorboards against her bare feet.
In the dark shadows hanging over her room, she shuffled to the door, stumbling against it and dropping her hands to the knob.
"Ais. It's okay. You've done enough. So let's go home, okay?"
"... Home?"
"Yup. Home to where mommy and daddy are."
"Mom and dad? Mom and dad…? Mom and dad-?"
Her hands fell away from the door, swinging backwards, her knuckles slammed into little Ais' temple before wrapping around her neck. Her fingers dug into the array of purple bruises.
"Mom and dad-!? Dad was killed and mom was captured by that wretched Dragon." Ais dropped to her knees and tightened her grip. "How could I be happy!? Can't you see how much it hurts!? Don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with me." Each time, her vice grip crushed the young girl's windpipe. Her golden eyes blazed with wrath. "Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar-"
Then, almost as if nothing was wrong, she watched a smile blossom on little Ais' lips. "Then, what are you gonna do about it?"
In the next instant, she felt the sharp pain in her wrists. Then, before she knew what was happening, she was thrown backwards. Her eyes nearly bulged from their sockets. Her teeth ground together as she rolled to her side.
"Just give up already, Ais." Little Ais stood still, her golden hair swept over her hung head. "You fight to save mommy. You fight to avenge daddy. But are you any closer to beating the Dragon? Are you anything more than the worthless self you've always been?"
"No. No, I am. I just need more time. More time. I need more time. Please-"
Little Ais reached out a small hand. "Let's go home, Ais."
"No. Not yet. Not until-"
"Let's go home. Home, where we belong; where we'll be happy." Ais felt warm hands cup the sides of her head. She looked up through her golden locks to see the plump face of her younger self. "Don't you want to be happy, Ais? It hurts, doesn't it? I can tell- of course I could tell. So why won't you come with me, Ais? Why won't you dream those happy dreams with me? Don't you just want it to end-?"
"-get away from me!" With whatever strength she could muster at the moment, Ais heaved forward and shoved her younger self away.
Little Ais fell onto her bum, hitting the floor with an inaudible thud. Her breath shaking, Ais got onto her knees and fumbled to the side. Little Ais watched through the curtain of golden hair, her gaze boring into her older self. The once warm smile melted away; her words came out like venom: "you moron."
With wobbling knees, Ais stumbled to the side. Her hand reached out, and she clasped the scabbard of Desperate. Her breathing shook as she clawed her left hand over her heart.
"Why do you continue to fight? What is it that you see? What is it you think you see?" Little Ais remained seated on the floor, watching with her sharp, golden eyes. "We're not the Heroine of some grand Epic- merely the pitiful protagonist of the most merciless Tragedy. How do you think you can break open this cage of lies? By using the blood of your friends to corrode away the bars? Do you really think mommy would be happy being saved by her daughter whom she no longer knows? Those who trample over the lives of their closest friends suffer only the sheer, bitter cold. The wailing icy lake gnaws at your skin and you want it to stop- but there's no stopping it because it's already too late." She paused. "There's nothing left for us- there was nothing for us to begin with."
Grimacing, Ais drew Desperate, the blade making a piercing rasp as it left the sheathe. Blood mixed with saliva dripped from the corners of her lips as she bit down, trying to keep down the vomit.
"I'm trying to help you, Ais." Little Ais exhaled a dejected sigh. "We could be happy. We could be with daddy- don't you love daddy? We could escape our Fate- make a mockery of those depraved gods who believe they have control over Destiny- over our Destiny." Within a few moments, Ais was already upon her with Desperate held high above her head. Then, a doll-like smile spread over little Ais' face. "Will you kill me? Kill me and remain as your pitiful, pathetic self?" Ais faltered as the blade shook in her hands. "I'm your happiness, Ais. Will you really kill me?"
A few silent moments passed between the two.
"Will you give up those happy dreams?"
Still, Ais did not speak, not daring to open her mouth for fear of what would come out.
"Okay," little Ais nodded, "then let me tell you about this last dream of mine. Of all the dreams I've dreamt, it's the most beautiful; it's the one with the prettiest ending." Then, if it was even possible, little Ais' smile stretched even wider. "One day, a Hero will come; a Hero will come to slay you."
Ais drove Desperate forward, plunging it into the neck of her younger self.
"A Hero will come to slay the monster known as Ais Wallenstein- the monster even more vile than the Black Dragon."
Hey, author here. To be honest, this is a concept that I've wanted to see for quite a while, but I couldn't seem to find any (English) fanfics that deal with this topic, so I decided to write it out for myself. Ais' history is rich with themes for great character development, so I decided to write about them. I hope readers are interested to see how it plays out and I hope I will do a good job portraying her character.
As a side note, I want to take this opportunity to remind you that I have not read SO, so everything I write relating to SO is purely based on the little knowledge I possess by reading wikis.
Also, yeah, sorry this kinda took a long time. I had a lot on my plate lately and I had a hard time capturing the essence I wanted for this chapter. I originally had one idea then scrapped it and pretty much rewrote and replanned everything for this character arc. Good news is that I have a relatively clear schedule for the next week or so, so I should be able to get down my ideas for drafts and just edit them later, which shouldn't take that long.
As always, reviews and critiques are helpful.