Disclaimer: DanMachi and its original characters are created and owned by Fujino Omori.

Chapter 6: Lullaby

Bell woke with a start, practically leaping out of his bed and lurching forward. Bringing both hands to his chin, he cupped them over his mouth, gagging as his body threatened to vomit what little he ate of the meal Haruhime set aside for him the previous night.

Furiously sucking in lungfuls of air, his eyes nearly bulged out from their sockets. His stomach churned and the world around him seemed to swim and spin- the dark shapes which made up the interior of his private quarters melted into a blur. The aching pain blossomed along his temple and he doubled over while squeezing his eyes shut, burying his face into the sheets with his fingers still tightly wrapped around his chin and his elbows tucked close to his chest.

Like that, he stayed- his breathing and heart rate picking up as he waited anxiously for that terrible need to retch relent and for the nausea to wash away.

Eventually, although it subsided, his heartbeat and breathing came out erratically. His shoulders and chest heaved up and down as the irregular thumping of his heart played in his ears. Trembling, he groaned into the bedsheets, and then, after a brief moment, pushed himself onto his hands and knees before sitting back on his heels.

Shivering in the early autumn morning weather, he allowed his hands to slip away from his chin, bringing them up to massage his temples, then to brush through his wet hair, slicking it over his scalp. He held his head in his palms as he clenched his jaw tight, muffling the whimpers and groans escaping his throat: an aching numbness came over him as the nausea from before receded. Grimacing, he forced his eyes open and he peeked through the gaps in his fingers, finding the room around him to have returned to what it should have been- no longer spinning and twisting and causing those colours to shift into those terrifyingly abstract shapes.

Exhaling a deep breath out- his voice quivering- he nudged aside the bedsheets and staggered off the bedside, stumbling over to his desk and taking the smooth glass of water which sat there alongside his unfinished dinner. Chugging its contents, he tried to drown down anything still trying to come up, ensuring that he wouldn't make a mess.

The glass was set down with a dull click against the table, and he gasped and sputtered, his breathing quickening as he tried to steady the throbbing in his head and the aches in his chest. Standing there, he waited for several restless moments as he felt his body become weightless and hot. Pressing his hand against the desk and leaning against it to keep himself steady, he stood still and closed his eyes and screwed his jaw shut.

However, even as he felt the beating of his chest become less intense and the passage of air into his lungs tranquil, he was still afflicted by the images playing in his mind and the whispers tickling his ear with that dreadful noise.

Slowly bringing a hand up to wipe the water from his chin, he dragged his fingers across his face to brush away the loose strands of hair that had fallen over his face, rubbing his scalp as he went along. Digging them into his head and temple, his lips curled downwards into a frown, his jaw clenched and stiffened once more, and his eyes screwed tightly shut as he tried to force those thoughts out of his mind- the glittering curtain of hair cascading over him; those fading rays of sunlight scattering off her vibrant skin; those lips that parted to call out to him and only him and to profess their love to him; that face, holding those mesmerizing irises that shone like elegant gemstones and that beautifully delicate smile he had always hoped to see and found himself entranced by every time he beheld them-

"Where are you?"

His red eyes fluttered open as he felt tinges of heat come to the corners of his eyes. He looked to the side, where the curtained window allowed just the barest hints of sunlight from the approaching dawn to shine through, illuminating his room.

In silence, he stared at that light: basking in its warmth, yet still hiding himself from it- turning away and shielding himself with his arms as if to spurn those blissful rays.

"Where…?"

Continuing to stare, his eyes eventually grew heavy, and he took slow, steady steps back to the bed and collapsed onto the sheets. He squeezed his eyes shut and held his hand out for someone who wasn't there.

"Please don't go- please don't take them away-"

There he laid, with cold sweat dashing his brow, nape, and back, as exhaustion and mental exertion forced him to nod off. Running down the bridge of his nose, whatever tears he had left escaped his shut eyes. He hugged his own knees and arms to his chest, no longer reaching out for that someone, yet still wallowing in that same delusion.

"I don't want to go…"

He felt something soft under his head and he felt someone running their hands through his hair and rubbing his back- as if to reassure him-

"I'm not done yet… I can still do it-"

-but more likely to deceive him.

"Why won't you believe me?"

It almost felt like he was there- on the wall- with her- before…

"Not now- not now… not now…"

Drifting away-

"Please… can't you stay with me for just a while longer…?"

-a plea that was smothered by silence.

xxx

It wasn't many hours later until he registered the knock on the door and the voice coming from the other side.

His tired eyes fluttered half-open as he raised a hand to rub the sleep from them. Staring at the ceiling of his room with a half-lidded gaze, he lay there, unresponsive, until the voice came again, finally jolting him awake and out of his daze.

"Master Bell," the voice called out, muffled through the door, "Master Bell, are you awake?"

He shifted himself, slowly sitting up and dangling his legs over the bedside. Pressing his palm into his face, he brushed the hair away from his face and let out a deep sigh. "Yes, Haruhime. You can come in."

And a few seconds later, the blonde Renart entered, wearing a white apron and carrying a wooden tray in her hands. Pacing over to the desk and setting it down, she allowed her gaze to drift to the half-eaten meal sitting off to the side.

She turned to the boy. "I'm sorry, was it not to your liking?" She asked as her hands fell to the tray.

Bell scratched his cheek, turning to her in the process. "Oh, no, no… sorry, I was just a little tired yesterday night… so I fell asleep before I finished it." He grimaced, looking at the tray in her arms with dejected eyes and a frown, "oh, you guys saved it for me and I let it go to waste…"

She shook her head, her golden hair swaying from side to side as she made her way to the door. "Please do not think anything of it, Master Bell." She turned back and gave him a reassuring smile as she pushed the door open with her hips. "But you must be hungry now, right?"

Moving his eyes away, his jaw became stiff as he nodded hesitantly, his hands falling into his lap.

Her eyes twinkled and her smile became brighter, though he didn't see it. "Then please enjoy breakfast- oh, and, after you're done, Lady Lili would like to speak with you to plan the next expedition."

All he could do was nod again and try to meet her gaze, though utterly failing. "Alright, tell her to give me a few minutes; I'll be heading down after I finish, so it shouldn't take long."

No more words were shared between them. With a nod of her own, Haruhime bowed, and closed the door behind her as she carried the dishes downstairs to the kitchen, leaving Bell alone in his room.

Taking an extra moment by the bedside, Bell got onto his feet and shuffled over to the desk. Pulling out the chair and taking a seat, he turned his gaze over to the meal. Picking up the bagel sandwich, he brought it to his lips and took a bite. Then, reaching off to the side, he washed down the food with a sip of cold orange juice. Taking a moment to swallow, he took another bite- and then another- and then another.

In the silence of the morning, he hastily finished his breakfast. Leaning against the desk and fully clearing the sleep from his eyes, he exhaled and sighed before finally standing up. Leaving to clean up and prepare himself for the day, he returned moments later and carried the tray with him as he moved downstairs to the living room as per Lili's request.

Time came and went, and the next expedition, now just several days away, meant that the Hestia familia was a hive of activity as they finished their preparations for their dive into the Great Desert floors of the Dungeon.

Taking stock of all of the items she had picked up on her way around town, Lili swiftly moved through her agenda, making her last-minute preparations- checking, double-checking, and triple-checking everything to make sure they were up to standard for the expedition.

Naturally, being busy, she decided to delegate the task of preparing and packaging foodstuff for the expedition to Mikoto and Haruhime. The two Far Easterners spent time together scouring through the books, making notes of essential resources they'd be able to replenish in case of emergencies while within the Dungeon, thus efficiently packing what was strictly crucial for the success of the expedition party.

On the other hand, having been cooped up in his workshop for the past week or so, Welf was finalizing the adjustments and repairs on the armour to be worn and the weapons to be carried by his allies. Not only that, but he had taken the time to craft two more Crozzo magic swords to be carried by himself and Lili, as well as maintaining the Welf magic sword that would be carried by Cassandra in case of emergencies.

Lastly, Bell, himself, took part in none of these preparations, instead opting to prepare himself mentally and physically for the upcoming expedition- arguably just as important. though, given he would be the strongest member of the expedition party, meaning it would be up to him to perform in a pinch.

Currently, he laid, on his side, in his bed- motionless with his knees drawn to his chin and his arms tucked to his chest within the center of the chaotic bed sheets that folded and creased around him.

The soft cushion under his head reminded him of her- and all those times they've spent together on top of the wall. With just the two of them on those desolate heights, they would deepen their understanding of one another as their blades clashed and met. Even now, he could feel the impact in his arms and knees. He could feel those irises looking back at him- challenging and spurring him on to become stronger. He could feel the pull and the thrill as their hearts sang out in unison-

Laying on his bed, he almost felt as if she was there with him. They would stay there, in silence, together: she would sit on her heels, and he would rest his head in her lap as they enjoyed the fading lights of the setting sun and the gentle breeze after a long day of sparring. They would talk: he would hear her words and she would hear his- and he would dream- dream, no matter how fanciful, of remaining like that until the end of Time.

And perhaps, in another world, that dream could have been a reality- but to him, it was no more than a bittersweet reminder of what was and not what is.

He closed his eyes and he could see those thin, delicate lips spread in a beautiful smile- the one that always made his heart skip a beat.

"That rare yet breathtaking smile…"

He could see those big, round, golden irises staring back at him from above and holding a reflection of him.

"Those dazzling eyes, which shone as bright as the sun…"

He could feel that shimmering golden hair cascading over their faces like a curtain, brushing against and tickling his cheeks.

"Those graceful strands of hair that billowed in the wind…"

He could feel the fingers brushing past his hair, caressing his cheek, and rubbing his back.

"Those gentle hands that held me…"

He gasped as he felt something icy cold wrap around his ankles and wrists, weighing down his limbs. Curling himself into a tighter ball, he tried to protect himself against the breeze which assaulted his body. His lungs quivered and it was all he could do to keep breathing as a vice grip crushed his windpipe.

His breathing grew heavy, and, clawing at his shoulders and neck, his face contorted into a painful grimace as cold sweat ran from his nape down his back, staining the bedsheets. He drew in a shaky breath and exhaled, burying his face into the mattress below to protect himself from her- she who appeared next to him.

However, even that effort was futile. He felt a delicately harsh hand slide under his chin, tilting his head up and exposing his face to the light of the world. He felt the sunlight coming through the window kiss his face, scattering across his skin and glowing. He could feel her from behind- with her arms and legs wrapping around him- as she prodded her fingers against his jaw.

His ruby red eyes fluttered open. And, even as the images of her faded away- replaced by the nothingness of his ceiling- he could still feel her there: feel her climbing over him, settling herself onto his gut and rocking her hips just like on that day.

Her soft, blood red lips pressed into his cheek where the tears from all those days ago had long since dried. Then, they moved, trailing along his skin and briefly pausing at the tip of his nose. Continuing to shift down, they reached the corners of his mouth and his chin. And then, finally, they met his own.

Gasping for air, his back arched back, trying to escape the intimate touch they shared, and she bit down on his bottom lip, piercing it with her canines and drawing imaginary blood.

Pulling away, she shifted her grip on his chin, pressing her thumb against his lips and smearing the blood across his face, rubbing under his eyes and painting his cheeks crimson.

Advancing once more, her forehead touched his, her golden eyes meeting his red ones.

He could smell her perfume- even though it wasn't there. He could feel her hair tickle his face- even though it wasn't there. He could feel her hands moving down along his body, grabbing his own and interlacing their fingers- even though they weren't there.

Her blood red lips, once pressed into a thin, delicate smile, finally parted.

"I love you."

"That's not true." He gritted his teeth as a grimace came to his face.

"I love you." The whisper echoed in his mind.

"Stop." He squeezed his eyes shut.

"I love you." Again.

"Please…" A whimper escaped his throat.

"I love you." And again.

"Shut… up…" His fists tightened their grip as if trying to crush her hands.

"I love you." And again.

This time, though, he didn't respond, and the voice went away, fading to nothing. His arms felt weak and numb, and the strength evaporated from them, falling limply to the mattress

He turned his gaze to the side, watching as the sun sank beneath the horizon. Scarlet light scattered across the clouds and he could feel the rays gouging his skin- just like that day.

"That rare yet breathtaking smile… those dazzling eyes, which shone as bright as the sun… those graceful strands of hair that billowed in the wind… those gentle hands that held me… those were the good memories… they were the good times…"

He shut his eyes once more, and he lay there in the light of the setting sun. A look of serenity washed over his face- and yet it seemed a little sad… like he was at a loss.

"So why does it feel so cold? Why does it hurt whenever I remember?"

Turning in his bed, quiet whimpers escaped from his lips, even as his teeth clenched together and as a painful grimace swept across his face. Sweat came to his forehead, neck, and back, soaking into the bedsheets.

His throat was dry, and he was barely able to croak out an incoherent string of words- a ghastly whisper.

"No… stop… stop… don't-"

He felt cold hands wrap around his neck and he began gagging and suffocating, gasping for breath. He tried to kick his legs out- to protect himself and to ward away whatever was there- but it felt as if they were chained and weighted- like they were pinned down and nailed to the bed.

As his eyes fluttered open- his irises quivering- he saw that sickly pale white face appear. Those blood red lips moved closer to him, settling by his ear, and hissed their sweet words to him. His voice shook, and his arms and legs trembled, yet even as he tried to move his limbs, they wouldn't.

He was but a mere spectator.

"Be - ell, I love you."

"Ai-s… please… please stop… I don't-"

Even as he screwed his eyes shut, he couldn't get the image of her out of his mind- like it had been carved into his mind's eye- into his memory.

Be - ell, look at me."

"No… no… no-"

He felt those cold hands leave his neck and caress his face- under his eyes and along his cheekbone- and he tried to move away, but his body still did not budge.

"Be - ell, look at me."

The nails dug into the flesh under his eyes- he felt searing iron stakes drive into his body and grinding chains tearing apart his flesh. Even as his jaw snapped open in a scream- nothing came out.

"Aren't I beautiful, Bell? Aren't I pretty?"

A cold breeze swept through the window, assaulting his frail, shivering body, as he laid motionless- as if he were bound by thin yet sharp golden threads.

"N-o…" he croaked out- and yet, despite the anguish drowning his chest and squeezing his heart as if to stop its endless rhythm, he dared to look-

Opening his eyes, he turned his bloodshot, ruby red irises sideways.

In the darkness of his room, he saw a flash of gold- he saw those strands of golden hair lash out like whips, tearing into his skin and leaving bloody gashes where they struck him; he saw those golden threads seize him, exposing him to those sadistic verdant winds.

A silent cough escaped his throat, and he wheezed words too soft to be heard by anyone else, yet loud enough to shatter his eardrums: "go away-"

The searing pain of those stakes having long left, he was now only left with the cold aftertaste they left behind as they kept his arms and legs in place. Once more, he ordered his bloodied and bruised body to move, and yet it refused nonetheless.

"Go away-"

He saw the gold approach and a pale hand reaching out to him- those lithe fingers spreading out and advancing to close around his neck- to smother the air from his lungs and the life from his heart. It grew closer and closer, and as those fingers morphed into the sharp talons of a scavenging animal-

"-go away-!"

In sheer desperation, he broke past those chains and leapt up from where he laid moments again, lashing out with the back of his left hand, throwing it blindly at whatever was approaching.

There was a quick and sharp crack as his hand met whatever was there, followed quickly by a shrill yelp and a dull thud, as well as shifting fabric.

His heart leapt out of his chest and his blood red eyes were wide, the pupil dilating and spasming around. Shifting in the bed, he jumped off the side, stumbling and falling to the floor before quickly crawling on his hands and knees over to his desk and standing up, retrieving and drawing the Hestia Knife from its scabbard. It made a ringing rasp as it was removed from its sheath, and the blue-violet hieroglyphics etched along the length of the blade glowed in response to its wielder's touch. On sheer instinct, he held it up, brandishing its sharp edge into the darkness towards where he perceived the threat to be.

He took many rapid, shallow breaths. His arms shook and his legs quivered, and he stood, still as a statue, with his blade out to protect himself and with his eyes pointed at the looming shadows surrounding him. He bit his lips, causing a stream of vibrant red blood to drip down his chin and onto the floor- but he was too preoccupied to feel the pain.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…

There was a brief silence; the only sound piercing that drear silence was the sound of his laboured breaths and the beating of his heart reverberating in his ears.

One second… (breath in) two seconds… (breath out) three seconds… (breath in) four seconds… (breath out)

"M-master Bell-"

Zing!

A lightning bolt lanced down his spine. He recognized that voice- he could recognize it in a heartbeat.

Swallowing, he dared to open his mouth despite the dread of what might come out. "...Haruhime…?" His arm nearly dropped to his side, and he stared blankly into the darkness.

One second… (breath in) two seconds… (breath out) three seconds… (breath in) four seconds… (breath out)

The sound of the Hestia Knife clattering to the floor broke him out of his trance. "Haruhime…?" He scurried to the side in the shadows, tripping over himself and falling to the floor before jumping back onto his feet. "Haruhime-? Haruhime-? Are you okay?" His voice barely above a pained whisper, he rushed out in the corridor and grabbed a magic stone lamp from the wall before dashing back in, waving the light around.

Scrambling around the side of the bed, he stopped just as the Renart girl came into view under the light of the lamp.

"Haruhime-" he cried out as he approached, now at a snail's pace. "Haru-"

Turning around to face him, she cradled the left side of her face, allowing drops of blood to drip into her hands, dying her fingers a vibrant crimson, contrasting the turquoise green eyes which met his own.

His gut dropped, and the lamp in his hand nearly did, too, but he caught it just in time, the fingers of his fist growing tighter around the handle. Not breaking the gaze he shared with her, he took slow and steady steps towards her, his arms and legs trembling.

"I…" he choked out the sounds but was unable to form coherent words. Taking a knee beside her, he set the light down beside him. "Haruhime… I-" he reached out with his hands- his fingers hovering only a hairbreadth away from her skin- only to flinch and pull back before he could touch her.

His heart rate grew faster, as did his breathing. The red distorted his sight; he could see it expanding: painted and smeared across her face and arms and staining her nightgown- collecting into a pool under her.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Haruhime, in turn, reached out to him instead, reaching for him even as he tried to back away. Her voice was soft and soothing and she rubbed her thumb against his cheekbone. "Master Bell, it's alright; it's just a small cut." She gave him a reassuring smile and held him by the shoulders, feeling how they shook under her touch. "Don't worry; it's nothing a little first-aid can't fix-"

A shaky breath was drawn from his throat. His arms fell limp onto the floor as tears streaked down the side of his face. "Haruhime…" he gritted his teeth as he spoke her name. "I… I…" He squeezed his eyes shut as the tears fell to the floor, punctuating the silence as they splashed against the wooden boards.

And then, a tired, but more so tormented sigh.

"Haruhime…" He allowed one last weak whisper to escape his lips as he fell forward, collapsing into her outstretched arms.

"Master Bell-!" She squeaked out his name, spreading her arms wide and catching him as he teetered forward, holding him by the shoulders and laying him to rest against her bosom.

Taking almost no time to break out of her stupor, she glanced down at him with a weak yet gentle smile, and ran her lithe fingers along his scalp, slicking back his snow white hair. In her arms, his chest heaved up and down in irregular patterns as he unconsciously gulped down lungfuls of air, at times groaning and moving suddenly and unexpectedly, though she paid it no mind.

Sitting there with him like that for a long while, she worked her arms around him, wrapping them around his body until they eventually encircled him. Then, using all of the strength she could muster, she lifted him and laid him down on his back on the bed.

Then, shuffling to the side and retrieving the lamp from the floor, she quickly and quietly crept away, returning a few minutes later with a first aid kit in hand. Immediately, she began dressing her wound: cleaning away the blood and disinfecting the surrounding skin before securing a piece of gauze over the cut to her head. Satisfied with her work, she returned the items into the satchel and set it on the table, as well as the lamp.

Glancing sideways and shuffling over, she took a seat by the bedside beside the boy. Then, she reached down, grabbing his hand with both of her own, enveloping them within her palms. Running her soft fingers along the back of his hand, she turned it over and began tracing gentle circles along his palm with her thumb.

Under her watchful and careful gaze, she could tell his chest movements were erratic. Yet, over time, as she stayed there with his hand in hers, they became less intense and more steady until they rose and fell rhythmically. Seeing this, Haruhime took his hand in her left and pressed the fingers of her right into his radial artery, feeling for his pulse. As it gradually dropped until there was around a second between each pulse, she contently slid her fingers away, knowing he was healthy. Retaking his hands, she interlaced their fingers, hearing him snore gently as he drifted to sleep.

She stayed like that for a few more silent minutes until, in that serene stillness, she felt herself succumb to the effects of her fatigue. Her turquoise green eyes flickered up to meet his sleeping face, and, a smile blossoming onto her face as she saw him at ease, got up from her seat and covered him in the blankets, bundling him up enough so that he would feel warm but certainly not too tight that he would be too hot and become uncomfortable.

Still with that delicate smile on her face, lowering herself and leaning down, she worked up the courage and dared to kiss him, her soft lips meeting his cheek.

Brushing her fingers through his hair, she stepped away, feeling the warmth of his skin leave her. Yet, still smiling, she grabbed the first aid kit and the lantern from the desk and made her way to the door, careful not to make a sound.

Reaching the corridor, she pulled the door along with her-

"Good night, Master Bell."

-and closed it with a soft click, leaving the boy alone once more in the land of Dreams.

Turning on his side just as the first rays of golden light peeked through the curtains, Bell flipped the covers away and hoisted himself over to the bedside, dangling his legs off the edge. Bringing his hand up to rub the sleep from his eyes, he got up onto his feet with a sigh and made his way to the door at a slow crawl.

Grabbing his jacket from the hook and buttoning it up, he opened the door and stepped out into the corridor. Walking through the hallways of the second floor, he reached the stairs and began his descent.

Arriving at the first floor of the silent mansion, he paced slowly towards the kitchen and made his way to the magic stone icebox, plucking out a firm, blood red apple. And then, bringing it to his lips, he took a bite, tearing into the flesh of the fruit.

Standing alone in the dimmed room, his half-lidded eyes fell to the apple- that same crimson hue. Bringing the fruit to his nose and breathing in the fragrance, he stirred into motion as he made his way out of the kitchen, through the dining and living rooms, and to the front foyer, taking bites as he went. Finally reaching the front gate, he swung the doors open, creeping out of the mansion and stepped into the early morning atmosphere of Orario, going for a brief walk around the city-

-to clear his mind, perhaps, but mostly for nothing in particular.

xxx

Aimlessly walking around through the city many times, his feet eventually always took him back to the base of the Tower of Babel, almost as if he felt a natural, inexplicable gravitation to it. As he stared up at the Tower, his eyes picked out the intricately carved designs- like a tapestry, it loomed overhead, obscured by the morning fog

Standing there in Central Park, with his hands tucked in the pockets of his jacket, he tilted his gaze downwards, watching small groups of adventurers head down into the Dungeon, descending the spiralling steps leading to the Abyss below, starting their day with their lifeblood: the sheer thrill of adventure: to move forward, to allow their familia to thrive, and to become stronger than today.

Lost in his own thoughts, he watched in a daze as those adventurers moved past his still and narrow frame, his ruby red eyes holding a reflection of it all- of their faces and of the expressions they wore as they began a new chapter- or mayhaps a new page, or merely a new line, in their own life's story- in their own journeys-

"Bell!"

A voice called out to him and brought him out of his trance, shaking him out of the thoughts swirling in his mind. He jolted upwards and swivelled his face around, sweeping his eyes across Central Park; his hair swayed along with him, fluttering as the gentle breeze brushed past.

"Bell!" The same voice called out to him again, and this time, he twirled his head around in the direction of the sound.

His gaze fell upon two approaching figures dressed in matching outfits: matching white aprons went atop matching green sleeved dresses.

Pacing forward with a spring in her step and a merry smile on her face, the light blue-grey haired woman stopped just a few meters away from him. She carried with her several brown bags, as did her Elven companion, who was one step behind her.

"Good morning, Bell." She said, her soft voice carrying over the wind.

An instinctual smile danced across his face, and he quickly returned the greeting to both the young lady and the blonde Elf.

"What are you doing out so early?" The young woman's grey eyes came down, scanning across his body. "Were you heading to the Dungeon? Going out to train? Where's your equipment?" Her voice carried with it an almost child-like innocence as she bombarded him with questions.

"Ah… oh, no… I wasn't really. I just got up early today and wasn't tired, so I thought I'd take a walk around the city to pass the time before the rest of the familia woke up so we could eat together."

Hearing that, the young woman's eyes lit up with a terrifying spark as if an idea had just run through her head. "Not much to do?" She flashed a cheeky smile and stepped even closer. If she could, she would've slung her arms around his shoulder, but alas the bags in her arms prevented her from doing so. "Then, how about you accompany us back to the Hostess?"

Bell stood there for a brief moment as if contemplating her words, though, in truth, it was merely because he did not want the smile on his face to seem forced. "I'm not so sure. You guys will be opening for the morning shift soon, right? I wouldn't want to disturb the workflow and interrupt anything…"

"Oh, there's no need to worry, Bell!" The young woman beamed at him and turned to glance at her Elven companion out of the corner of her eye. "There won't be any problems, right, Lyu?"

The Elf, in turn, flinched for a moment as the spotlight turned to her and she hurriedly averted her gaze, her golden-green hair swishing from side to side. "I… suppose not… though mayhaps Chloe will get a little distracted…"

Turning back to Bell, Syr chose to ignore the last comment and instead nudged his arm with her elbow. "See? Come on, it'll be fun and it won't take long; let's go!"

Unable to think of what to say to get him out of the situation he was in, Bell watched as the young woman spun around, her dress fluttering behind her as she began heading down West Main without a care in the world, not even bothering to look back as if she already knew he would follow regardless.

He stood there for a few moments, his eyes making out her figure striding away, disappearing slightly into the small crowd. Just a few paces away, the Elf did the same, approaching slowly and steadily. As they turned to each other, their gazes met.

"Uhm… Miss Lyu…" He began, trying to grasp at some straws. His voice faded away, and, after a brief moment, she picked up the conversation.

"You seem a little bit troubled today. Is something on your mind, Bell?" She stepped a little bit closer, now standing by his side.

He knit his brows, his nose scrunching up. "Uhm, no, not really-"

"Bell." She frowned and her voice rose in pitch as she dragged out the syllable- as if daring him to continue.

He sighed and looked away, not able to meet her eyes. He played with the buttons on his jacket. "Sorry… it's just, we'll be going on an expedition soon, so I'm a little worried about that. Our last expedition to the 29th floor was fine… but that was entirely because it wasn't necessarily far away from the Water Capital, and we've already been down there before and…" he trailed off as he got dangerously close to what happened down on the 27th floor a little more than two months ago- something he still remembered vividly to this day. Swallowing, he quickly changed the subject. "Anyway, it's just that… well… we're heading to an entirely new set of floors this time, with new monsters and new terrain, so I'm a little nervous, I suppose…"

"I see." Her reply was swift as she began walking forward, brushing past him as she followed after her friend. "Why don't you come and walk with me…? Let's see… maybe I can ask Mama Mia to give me some time off to help you…" she turned back to him slightly as he chased after her, coming up right beside her. The two moved forward at a brisk pace, wanting to catch up with the young woman ahead of them. "I still haven't made up for the trouble I caused you guys, right? I'm sure Mama Mia'll…" Bell could swear she shuddered, "... be okay with it…"

"It certainly doesn't seem like it." Was his thought, though he dared not say it aloud, and instead gave her a nervous smile.

Eventually, the two met the grey haired waitress who had already made it to the front door of the Hostess, and the trio quickly made their way inside.

xxx

Sitting at one of the tables, Bell had his left hand resting against the white table cloth and his chin against his right; his eyes stared blankly into nowhere.

It was only when he heard Syr approaching that he returned to reality, snapping out of his daze. Tilting his gaze to the side, he saw the young woman drag a chair over to take a seat beside him.

"Thanks for helping out." She rested her chin in her palm, leaning over the table and hiding the sly smile which came to her lips. She looked at him out of the corners of her twinkling eyes. "I hadn't meant for this kind of thing to happen, truly; it seems like I took up your whole morning, teehee."

He only took her joking in stride and laughed along, still wearing that awkward smile from before.

As an uncomfortable silence surrounded them, replacing the laughter that had faded away, her stormy grey eyes watched him, and the both of them sat like that, unmoving. It dragged on for a while- with each passing second, the grin hidden behind her hands faded away, replaced by a growing frown.

"I thought so…" she mused aloud as she leaned herself further against the table, sighing quietly. "What's wrong, Bell? Is something bothering you?" She turned her eyes to him as if they were piercing his soul.

Cold sweat ran down his back and he inaudibly gasped as he squirmed under her scrutiny. He swallowed and cleared his voice nervously. "Uhm… no, it's just the expedition…" he pressed his hands together, playing with the hem of his jacket and frowning. Then, he brought his right hand over to scratch his cheek. "I'm just a little worried I won't be strong enough to protect my familia when push comes to shove-"

He stopped as he met her silver eyes, gleaming and glittering like a pair of freshly cut gems.

"B-but with any luck, Miss Lyu will be able to convince Mama Mia to let her join." His smile met her stare, hoping that it would be enough to convince her. "With adventurers as strong as Miss Lyu and Miss Aisha with us…" Still, no dice. "And with Lili now at level 2, and with Welf's improved smithing… along with everyone else who've all gotten stronger…" Those eyes bore into him. "...then, everything will turn out okay… I think…"

His voice faded away just as Syr finally turned her gaze away, leaning against the table and resting her chin in her palm.

"You'll do just fine, Bell." Out of the corners of her eyes, she studied him carefully. "You're strong- you've always been strong, so you shouldn't worry too much. The fact that your familia and your adventurer friends are willing to go in the first place means they've put their trust in you; so you should trust yourself a little, too, otherwise, they may come to feel as though you've abandoned their trust."

Bell said nothing in response, opting to sit there silently, contemplating her words, and trying to force the frown from showing too easily on his face. He knew the girl sitting by his side had already seen through the meagre lies he told; she was simply too smart and clever to fall for anything he'd ever say or do, though he was glad she respected him enough not to call him out on it.

Noticing his lack of response, she quietly sighed, then continued. "I can't say I know much about adventuring… anything I do know is from Lyu and Anya, and the adventurers who come to our pub"

Still, he did not move nor did he give any indication of wanting to respond.

"I'm not nearly old enough to know what the adventurers of the Ancient Times were like. Nor am I old enough to know what the adventurers of the Golden Age were like. Nor can I say I fully understand exactly how strong Zeus and Hera familia were at their peak, so this may be out of line for me…" she finally turned to him, forcing him to look back up at her. Their eyes met, and she held his gaze steady. "...but I can say that I've seen how strong you are- I know how strong you are- not your physical strength, but something more important than that."

She pointed right at his chest and dug her finger into his heart.

"Do not put yourself down; do not belittle your own worth."

He drew in a deep breath as he heard her voice and understood her words.

"Do not forget who you are and the things you've done."

He watched her, his eyes unblinking.

"Do not forget who you want to be; do not lose sight of what you want to do."

Her finger jabbed even deeper into his chest.

"Do not allow yourself to be stopped by the pastL to be shackled by your own doubts."

Her grey eyes shone with such intensity that he couldn't look away.

"Do not give up on the things you'll do because I know you'll do great things."

He sat and she stood, and they stayed like that for a few silent moments- neither of their gazes relenting.

Yet, in the end, all he could do was offer her the smile he had always put on- that same smile he had put on ever since his grandfather died and he was thrust upon this world alone and only capable of chasing after what he had thought to be a feeble dream- yet a dream he had a true passion for.

"Thank you, Syr…" he said at last. "I won't let you down."

But the silver haired, silver eyed girl could tell it was a lie- one to reassure himself more than her.

Thankfully for him, or maybe for her, the door leading to the kitchen was flung open as the large frame of Mia Grand stepped out with Lyu meekly following behind her. The moment the two had together come to a grinding halt and whatever Syr may have said next died in her throat as the two newcomers approached their table.

"Kid… I swear… you'll be the death of me…" the Dwarf began as Lyu nervously fiddled with the hem of her apron, standing just behind her at a respectable distance. Mia pulled along with her a chair, and took a seat by the same table, facing Bell and also Syr as the waitress retook her seat. "I tell her time and time again," she grumbled, "that if she wants to leave the pub and go back to adventuring she can… I won't hold her back, and I will always support any of my girls, regardless of what they decide to do with their lives." She paused for a brief moment and sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Then, she leaned across the table, and she turned her gaze towards him. Bell gulped as his ruby red eyes stared deep into the brown irises of the senior adventurer.

"So, you're going on another adventure?"

He nodded, keeping his gaze steady, not wanting to shy away from her.

"Are you ready?"

He nodded again, though this time, a little hesitantly- something Mia didn't miss.

Though she paid it no mind. And, after a long, anxious pause, she simply snorted, laughed, and spoke: "then go and win, kid."

And upon her words, he breathed in, gasping- because he remembered.

"When you fall down, you get back up. It is the simplest thing to do, and yet also the hardest thing to do. We fail and we feel little; we fail and we receive the scorn and mockery of others. But…"

As his hands curled into fists under the table, he remembered the true meaning behind those words- the same words she'd spoken to him all those months ago when he was a mere fledgling adventurer. Just starting out, he blindly chased after that dream he once had.

"... no matter how pathetic you feel, or how people laugh at you, if you come back alive, you win."

Mia, too, had seen through that fortress of lies the boy Bell Cranel had constructed- those walls he had used to shield himself from others: to ignore and protect himself from the contempt he thought others would assault him with-

He wanted to cry, but he also didn't want to. And so he spoke: "yes… ma'am."

-but what he didn't know was that his most cruel and unforgiving assailant would be none other than himself- the same person he had trapped with him inside that prison.

Today was the eve before their expedition. After the many days of preparations, the familia was fully prepared for tomorrow, even with the surprise last-minute news Bell had thrust upon everyone- something that had undoubtedly made Lili grumble and Welf to get lost into his own world once more. Regardless, everything tangible had been accounted for and the Hestia familia had decided to take the remainder of today to prepare themselves, instead. Both Welf and Lili had disappeared off to the city, strolling around as they allowed their minds and bodies to rest after countless, unending hours of work. Mikoto, on the other hand, had decided to spend the day at Takemikazuchi familia's household. Hestia continued her ceaseless grind to pay off her debt.

This invariantly left him alone in the Hearth Mansion, kept company by the golden Renart, performing her regular menial duties, as well as preparing a dinner for the rest of the group for tonight and breakfast for tomorrow morning.

For him, though, two days had passed since that unplanned visit to the Hostess, and in these few days, Bell had used the time to play around with the words he had received from Mia and Syr.

Even despite what he had said in return, his mind was still plagued by the memories of that night. So much so that as he tried to make his own last-minute preparations for the expedition- to polish the skills he had continued to hone in the past month- he found himself unable to make productive use of his time, instead, wasting it away- much to his dissatisfaction and anguish.

Bell slumped forward as he hung his head low, allowing his gaze to fall into his lap. Sighing, and so caught up in his own thoughts, he had been, even despite his level 4 Status, unaware of the approaching figure until he felt two fingers graze against the back of his hand.

He jolted awake, his eyes grew wide and his shoulders leapt upwards. Carefully, he slid his hand away, moving it away from the other hand that had touched his own just a moment ago and rested them on his thigh. As his ruby red gaze turned up, he saw the gentle smile of the Renart grow closer as she stood by his side- just behind his left shoulder.

His eyes met hers for a brief moment- but just as quickly as that moment came, it left as he turned away- away from the smile she offered him.

"Is it not to your liking, Master Bell?" She asked. "Would you like me to make something else for you? Or perhaps you aren't hungry?" She bowed apologetically in response to that question. "I apologize, I had assumed that you were hungry because you've been training so hard in the courtyard this morning, and I thought you'd like a light snack…"

"No, it's fine, Haruhime…" He brought a hand up to dispel her thoughts, though he still didn't dare to look up at her. Letting both of his hands settle on the table, he sat and she stood there in silence for a while, neither knowing exactly what to say next.

Realizing, though, that he had to say something: "thank you, Haruhime." Even still, his eyes were pointed at his lap. "Sorry, I've just been a little bit tired recently because of my training and because of the next expedition coming up- there's been a lot for me to think about and to prepare and I'm a little nervous." He brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his fingers across his eyes and brushed them through his hair. Then, resting his cheeks on his knuckles, he slumped himself forward in his seat. "No, sorry, I probably shouldn't worry you with this; this is my own problem, please don't trouble yourself with it…"

He trailed off as he heard the light scrape of a chair's legs dragging against the floor. The light shuffling of clothes reached his ears and he looked to the side, watching as Haruhime took a seat beside him.

She sat down, and, staying silent for a while, eventually took a deep breath. "Then, would you like me to accompany you tonight, Master Bell? There's only one day left, and I don't know if it will do much, but if there's any way to help, then I would do anything." She reached out a hand, placing it on the table right beside his, not wanting to invade into his personal space, but wanting to offer it to him if he desired for it.

Bell tore his gaze away immediately and swallowed, as he sent his gaze to his lap once more and curled his open hand into a loose fist. "I…" he said, but stopped himself short, not really knowing what he wanted- or, no perhaps he did know what he wanted- yes, he did: he wanted so desperately for someone to talk to, and yet he couldn't- because he knew he didn't deserve that kindness and that liberty.

Every time he thought about it, he smelled that same intoxicating perfume that clung to her body. He tasted those same bittersweet lips. He felt those same hands clawing at his cheeks and neck. He felt her body holding his: that body that should have been gentle and warm was dreadfully and frighteningly cold- like the cruel and treacherous edge of a sword.

It pained him to remember, and yet it was not this that he feared. What he feared most of all- what he feared from the deepest, bottom-most part of his heart, was the union between his mind and body which had been severed. All those days ago, his mind had been poised and ready to strike her down right then and there, yet his body and heart had betrayed what his mind desired- no, was that even what he desired? Could it be called that if his mind and body were not in sync? He wasn't so sure; he was lost.

But this did not detract from the shame he felt: he had every intent to strike her down and to cut her neck- which, in and of itself was already something that pained him greatly- and yet, what he loathed more was that he could not even have the courage and resolve to go through with it- he had not the resolve to shatter and reject his own dream of becoming a Hero by striking down another- to become a murderer.

That was the day he understood the white and the black which mixed to become grey.

And so, he wondered: now that he saw that black, would he hesitate? Lili, Welf, and Lyu, just to name a few: they were his closest friends and the people he trusted his life with.

He fully acknowledged it now: that he had been naive before, and he had sheltered himself from that black and from that grey, and simply accepted the white- however much white existed within those around him.

A Hero's duty is to slay villains and to save others. But how much black is too much black and how little white is too little white? What gave him the right to determine that threshold- to be the judge and executioner of people he may not know?

"I…" he said again, his voice quieter than before. He tried to force away the tears building in his eyes. He tried- he truly tried- but the leak in the dam had caused the cascade. "I…" once more, he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. Allowing a shaky sob to escape, he squeezed his eyes shut, still trying painfully to keep it at bay. "I can't do it, Haruhime… my body and my mind and my heart- they act on their own, and I can't seem to regain control of them and bring them back- to unite them." He ground his teeth together as his shoulders shook and his hands trembled.

Haruhime put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing them gently and turning him to face her.

But no matter how hard she tried to pull, he wouldn't bulge.

And so, watching him there, with his head in his hands, she got onto her knees, her once gentle smile gone, replaced now by a worried frown and pained eyes.

"Master Bell… Master Bell…" she tried grabbing onto his wrist to pry his arms open. Her voice broke as she pleaded with him. "Please look at me, Bell-"

"Haruhime…" he could barely choke out her name through his sobs and whimpers. Poking his ruby red eyes through the openings between his fingers, he tried his best to meet her lovely turquoise green eyes, trying to find some semblance of reassurance within them- to know that everything would be okay and that nothing was wrong- but the grey that had settled around him did not allow it.

"Haruhime…"

Her gaze held his, and she listened, waiting expectantly and attentively for his next words. In the silence of the currently deserted mansion, she rested her hands on his knees, looking up at him as she felt her own tears prick the corners of her eyes.

"Haruhime… what…" he sighed, his voice shaking and filled with such torment, "... what if… I hurt you again?" The world almost seemed to stand still, but he continued nonetheless. "If I do, will you hate me then?"

Haruhime bit back a sob of her own; she squeezed her eyes shut to rid them of the tears. "Of course not!" She pressed forward, raising her voice and trying to break through the arms he had put up around him to guard himself. "I would never! … you are the one who saved me… you are the one who accepted me despite who I was… you are a Hero-!"

"I'm not-!" He cried back, spittle flying from his mouth.

With such intense ferocity, the girl flinched back, and it pained the boy even more. Clenching his jaw tight, his voice came back to its fragile whisper. "I can't… not anymore…" no more than a raspy murmur, he sobbed and bemoaned, his voice shaking. He clawed at his face; his nails dug into his skin. "I can't, I can't, I can't- not after that… not after all of that-! I can't do it anymore! I'm no Hero-!"

He felt gentle, warm arms wrap around his shoulders, whisking away the cold embrace that had been clinging to him. His eyes shot open, and he felt his chest relax and his arms grow heavy, slipping down his sides. A woeful exhale came from his throat and he sobbed into her bosom, gripping at the kimono she wore- clinging to it as if it were the only thing that mattered to him.

"Bell," her lips pressed into his ear, and her words played clearly in his mind. "I will not say I know what you are talking about, nor will I say I know why you have come to believe this. I will not say you are wrong, nor will I say you must forget and bury your worries for my or for anyone else's sake." She began pulling away from the embrace, shifting her hands up to cup his cheeks. However, as she withdrew, he held on desperately to her, not wanting her to leave- at least not yet.

Nevertheless, even as she broke away, she held onto both his arms, lingering by his side as she knelt before his chair.

Her gaze meeting his, she brought a thumb up to the corners of his eye, wiping away the tears.

"If you wish not to reveal the cause of your strife, then I will respect your judgment and help in any way I can. If you wish to speak to me about your troubles, then I will listen and give you my undying support. If you wish for me to take your hand and to hold you to calm you down, then I will do so with all my heart." She took his hand in hers, and she gave him a gentle smile.

Bell gazed on, entranced by the tenderness of her features. "Those eyes… and that smile…" tears continued to streak down his face, dripping from his chin. "I can see it: they seem a little sad- a little pained… because of me… and yet, they are still just as pretty as always…"

"I am here for you, and I will always be here for you when you need me- just like how you were when I needed someone."

"...but… something even more beautiful… are those words she sings to me." He watched as she brought his hand to her lips, giving his knuckles a delicate kiss. "Like a soothing lullaby- like a serene melody playing in my ears- they're simply… breathtaking…"

As her hand fell from his face, and with his hands interlaced with hers, she stood up, getting up from her knees and onto her feet.

"It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to feel grief and to feel lonely. But it certainly isn't okay to use them as excuses to not get back up." Ruby red eyes met turquoise green irises, and they stared into each other's eyes- holding each other's gazes. "I had lost myself because I was too focused on beating myself up and blaming myself and succumbing to my own shame rather than accepting my own faults and learning to continue moving forward."

His lips melted into a smile mirroring hers. Then, a moment later, they parted to speak. "I'm sorry… Haruhime… and… thank you-"

"-for teaching how to find myself once more."

She could tell that his smile was a little melancholic, and a little troubled, as if he was reminiscing of a distant memory.

"I don't know when I will return to being the person I was before- no, scratch that… I don't know if I can ever return to being the same person I was before…"

Even still, it wasn't forced, and it never faltered.

"Every time I close my eyes, I can feel it- feel her- remember her- and it feels like I'm drowning… like my arms are too heavy to move… like I'm at a loss for breath… like I'm no longer myself… like I'm a spectator…"

And it shone as bright and was as blinding as a star.

"But I don't want to stop after everything we've done- everything we've enjoyed, suffered through, and endured together."

They stayed like that for a few extra silent moments before Haruhime eventually broke away, returning to her duties. Once more, Bell sat alone in the dining hall, the fading embers of her warmth still surrounding him.

"Even if I can no longer be the Hero I always desired to be, I still want to try. If I don't try, that's as good as just giving up."

He gripped the fabric of his pants, bunching it up and wrinkling it, squeezing it tight.

"I don't want to give up- not yet."

In the book called Life, the pages continue to turn. Those who remain transfixed on a chapter of their lives never reach the next, forever bound to their own misery or their own ego. Instead, those who've learned to relish in their small victories and to graciously accept their losses- those who continue turning those pages despite the Heroics or the Tragedy written within are the winners who live.

"Not yet."

Till tomorrow… and tomorrow… and tomorrow.

xxx

Night quickly fell upon Orario; the dark, navy clouds parted, allowing the pale moonlight to sweep across the streets, illuminating the Adventurer's City.

After a long afternoon and a communal dinner shared by the Hestia familia as a toast to a successful expedition, the members were already preparing to retire for the night. As the rest of Hestia familia settled down to rest up for tomorrow, Bell made his way through the hallways of the Hearth Mansion, walking through the corridors of the second floor, and arriving at the doorstep of the Goddess Hestia's private quarters.

His knuckles rapped against the door, alerting her to his presence. A moment later, he heard the voice of his Goddess, ushering him to enter.

"Bell," Hestia patted the space on the bed beside her with her right hand. "Status update?" she asked, although she was already well aware of the answer. After all, the rest of the familia had already gotten theirs before heading to bed.

He simply nodded and walked forward, stopping by the edge of the bed. "I haven't done much in the past few weeks other than training, so I'm not exactly expecting there to be any surprises or big changes, but it'd be best if I got one before we leave for the expedition- just for that little extra boost."

She nodded in return and he took a seat beside her, pulling his shirt over his head to expose his back.

Hestia, in turn, plucked up a needle from the desk and pricked her finger, allowing the golden ichor to drip out before pressing it onto his back, smearing her divine blood across the markings on his back activating the materialization of the Status through the Falna.

A soft blue glow spread throughout the room as she pulled the hieroglyphics out, watching as they turned and shifted, gathering and crystalizing the gained Excelia in the past few weeks. Eventually, after a short while, they clicked into place, stopping, as the stream of Excelia fizzled out, leaving him with the newly updated Status.

Her sapphire blue eyes scanned through the contents- sifting through every line of the Status.

Finally, ensuring that the Status had completed the update, she integrated it back into the Falna. And thus, the blue glow faded, sealing itself back into the flame-like motif etched onto the boy's back. Then, grabbing a piece of paper from the desk, she pressed it against the lingering Falna, copying down the contents of the Status onto the page, translating it into the common language.

Finishing, she peeled the papyrus away from his back, flipping it over and ensuring everything had been copied down properly before fully locking the blessing away. Bell quickly pulled his shirt down over his torso as he turned, and she handed the page to him for him to skim over.

His ruby red eyes sifted through the Status page, noting the moderate but consistent changes in the basic abilities. Moving further downward, nothing changed about his Development Abilities nor his Skills and Magic- all in all, it was exactly as much as he expected.

Soon after, he had handed the page back to her and made his way to the door, reaching for the handle and stepping out.

As he was about to leave, Hestia called out after him, her voice a moderate whisper: "Good night, Bell; sleep well."

Turning back, he smiled, returned the words, and finally stepped out, closing the door behind him gently.

A few moments after the door had clicked shut, Hestia turned her attention back to the Status sheet she held in her hands. Running her hands across the contents of the page, her sapphire blue eyes swept across the words and values. It was as much as she expected as well given how much he normally grows- due to that skill, Liaris Freese.

As she reached the end of the page, she allowed a quiet sigh to escape from her tiny frame and she folded the paper up, setting it aside as she fell back in the bed, laying against the soft cushions. Her eyes stared blankly at the ceiling of her room: the only thing she could see were those words- that skill.

The skill had a name, one that she recognized, somewhat… but the description had changed, now merely a messy jumble of hieroglyphics that amounted to nothing. Sheer gibberish, almost as if it hadn't yet figured out what its function and purpose was…

Almost as if the skill had begun changing and shifting per the memories and experiences crystallized by the Falna.

But, for such a change to occur…

Hestia folded her arms over her chest and furrowed her brows in contemplation.

"For such a change to occur…"

She wore a frown on her face- a grimace. Sure, she had never been a fan of the skill because of its origins, but to see it go, was concerning. She had long ago accepted that the skill was Bell's, and it had manifested from his desire. And this was why… to see it simply change after everything that's happened…

"...just what the hell happened, Bell?"

As a note because I forget if I ever said this. Although this story follows after V15 canon, it contains spoilers and information found in V16, just so you know. Another note: I know that that isn't exactly what Mia said but I don't care; it fits better for my story and that's all that matters. And another: I know Gods can apparently see the experiences of those they gave their blessing to when they update but I don't remember it ever being stated how detailed they were, so for now, Hestia is unaware of what happened with Ais.

As always, reviews and critiques are helpful, especially for this chapter (and probably the next) because it will be mostly all character interaction, which is what I'm the worst at (other than not retconning basically everything I write at some point in time) and ironically is what I was trying to avoid when I thought up this whole idea (since I can't write romance so I thought I'd put a rift between Ais and Bell) but it turns out that I have to do it anyways. (pain, : ^)).