A/N:
I know it's been a while, let's just blame the dumpster fire that is 2020.
I have mixed emotions about this chapter, but it's been so long and I wanted to post something to attempt to be semi-consistent.
This takes place towards the end of S7E12.
As always, your feedback means the world to me! xoxoxo
Carl looked down in quiet resignation at the assortment of hydrogen peroxide, petroleum jelly, and medical gauze laid out before him on the bathroom sink.
Since his injury, he rarely, if ever, had to handle the task of changing his bandage on his own. Michonne had volunteered to make it a part of her routine without him ever asking so he never gave much thought about how much her selflessness spared him until he had no other choice. She had left to go on a run with his father in search of guns to fight against the Saviors four days ago and he knew eventually he would have to man up.
Slowly, he reached up to remove the old wrapping keeping his good eye trained on the mirror. His reflection was still foreign to him.
He thought back to those first few weeks home, when all he could think about was his own ineptitude. He knew he should have been grateful just to be alive, but the thought of waking up every day disfigured and handicapped was debilitating in more ways than one.
The scar made him feel incomplete and losing the perspective of his left side made him feel incompetent, more of a burden to his family instead of the asset they needed him to be.
Thankfully, Rick and Michonne were patient with him. They managed his sporadic mood swings, toeing the thin line of giving him the support he needed alongside the space he wanted as only they could.
It had become a standard practice in their household, each morning Michonne would sit him down and distract him with depth-perception exercises while re-dressing his bandage. Then, Rick would drag him out of the house to relearn how to shoot without the advantage of both eyes.
They didn't downplay the difficult road ahead of him, but they made sure he knew he wouldn't have to take it alone. Until, finally, he was able to fall into some semblance of his old life with the necessary modifications to accommodate this new. If not for their support, Carl was not sure what he would have become.
He worked quickly to change his bandage, cleaning up behind himself as he went to avoid spending longer than necessary in the mirror.
When he was done, he crossed the hall to Judith's bedroom and was unsurprised to find the toddler awake, holding herself up on the bars of her crib.
She began to bounce excitedly when she saw him, raising her chubby arms in anticipation of being lifted out of her confinement.
"Hey, Judes," he greeted as he picked her up. She excitedly clapped her hands against his cheeks in her typical greeting for him. "You hungry?"
She nodded, babbling mildly coherent sentences as he led them out of her bedroom.
The house was mostly quiet with just the two of them and it was around that time Judith asked a question that had become routine in recent days.
"Where Daddy?"
"Dad's on run. He'll be back soon," he responded automatically, settling her into her highchair.
As usual, Judith did not look happy to hear that information. Her cherubic features pinched into a frown as she looked around the kitchen again before asking, "Where Mommy?"
Carl paused mid-reach for a jar of peanut butter from the kitchen cabinet and turned to face his sister. "Mommy?" he repeated, bringing his arm down with a surprised grin.
Judith nodded with adorably wide eyes and his grin widened into a full smile knowing there was only one person she could be referring to.
In the six months since they had arrived to Alexandria, Judith had breezed through childhood milestones. She had learned to crawl within weeks of their arrival and attempted walking only two months after that.
She had only recently started talking, her first word was 'apple', her favorite fruit. After that it was 'da' and eventually 'daddy' followed by a shortened version of her brother's name, and a handful of other one-syllable words.
Michonne had been trying for weeks to get the toddler to pronounce some version of her name, much to Rick and Carl amusement. Judith had gotten the 'mmm' sound out but not much beyond that, even though Michonne swore the child was getting close.
Apparently, Judith had been trying for another word instead.
"Mom's with Dad," Carl assured her, "they'll be back soon."
She pouted, idly kicking her feet. "Okay."
Carl hated to see her so dejected. He quickly retrieved the peanut butter from the shelf and two apples from a bowl on the kitchen island before joining her at the dining room table. "So, how about some peanut butter and apple slices for breakfast?" he asked, attempting to lighten her mood with two of her favorite foods.
Unsurprisingly, she brightened up immediately.
Judith didn't understand the dangers that existed around them or how hard her parents worked to keep her safe. All she knew was that they weren't there to make her breakfast in the mornings or to read her bedtime stories at night. When she grew older, she would learn about the sacrifices that were made to keep their family safe.
But for now, keeping that smile on her face was enough.
Rick pulled up to Alexandria's gates just as the sun was starting to dip below the horizon. He glanced over at Michonne sitting back in the passenger's seat beside him, her eyes were closed but he knew she wasn't sleeping.
"We're home," he whispered, reaching over to touch her knee.
Michonne shifted in her seat as she slowly opened her eyes. "The ride back seemed shorter," she commented, watching Aaron pull the steel gates back for them to drive through.
"Always does after a vacation," Rick said with a grin crinkling his eyes.
Michonne snorted. "Is that what we're calling it?"
"Yep," he returned, rolling down his window as Aaron approached with a relieved smile.
"Welcome back," he said, then appraised the dried blood splatter covering them both. "You guys okay?" he asked, concerned.
Rick glanced over at Michonne before turning back to his friend. "Walkers," he explained. "How were things here?"
"It's been pretty quiet, all things considered." Aaron replied as he caught a glance of their haul from the van's cabin. "Woah."
Rick followed his gaze and smirked. "Grab an extra pair of hands and meet us at the pantry," he instructed.
"You got it," Aaron told him, backing away from the van as he reached for his radio.
Rick pulled up to the supply nucleus of their community and shifted the van into park before turning in his seat to face Michonne. "You okay?" he asked, reaching for her hand.
Michonne squeezed his fingers with hers. "I'm exhausted. I think I'm at the point where I need a vacation from the vacation."
Rick chuckled, while he would have been happy to go on for a few more days but he knew better than to press the issue after his near-death experience. He hoped their subsequent conversation opened her eyes as to why the getaway - such as it was - was so important to him. But he also knew she needed time to catch up.
"You have to admit," he said with a smug grin, "it was good for a while."
Michonne snorted lightly, appreciating his efforts to be good-natured. "It was," she replied, leaning across the small space between them to kiss him sweetly.
Rick smiled, holding her gaze for a moment until he caught a glimpse of Rosita appearing in the pantry doorway from over her shoulder. "Back to reality," he lamented, pulling away.
Michonne followed his gaze and smiled at the sight of Carl approaching not far behind and they both hopped out of the van to greet them.
"Are you guys okay?" Carl asked with concern when he saw them.
"We're fine," Michonne assured him as he hugged her, not caring about the blood on her clothes.
"We ran into some walkers on the way back," Rick said as his son approached him next.
Rosita turned away from the family reunion to look back at the van. "Any luck out there?"
"Yeah," Rick said, clicking his tongue as he unlocked the van's cabin. Rosita and Carl looked on with raised eyebrows as they took in the stacks of boxed goods and the open crates of military grade firearms staring back at them.
"Where the hell did you find all this?" Rosita pressed, leaning further inside to assess the weaponry.
"A carnival," Rick supplied, hefting up a box of RTEs to pass to Carl.
"It was overrun with walkers in military gear," Michonne elaborated when the boy automatically looked to her for clarification.
Rosita huffed indignantly under her breath as she thought about her own unsuccessful mission. "Nice job," she mumbled, folding her arms over her chest.
"We'll need to itemize everything and ration out the ammo," Rick said, tiredly running his hand through his hair at the thought.
Carl exchanged a look with Rosita before nodding back to his father. "We can handle it," he said, knowing their leaders had done more than their fair share.
"You sure?" Michonne asked to be certain, even though she wanted nothing more than to go home wash away the last four days of travel in a hot shower followed by an even hotter bath.
"Yeah, get outta here. Aaron and Tara are on their way to help anyway," Rosita assured her.
Rick, not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, nodded his gratitude. "I wouldn't worry about cleaning them, just sort 'em out for now. We'll need to meet with Jadis and her people tomorrow and finalize our agreement. Make sure to let the others know."
"We'll take care of it," Rosita said over her shoulder, heading inside the pantry with an armful of semi-automatics, "go."
"Thank you," Michonne called after her before turning to Carl. "Where's your sister?"
"At the church, I was going to pick her up when I was done here."
"Don't worry about it," Rick told him as he retrieved a box he had set aside for their household. "I'll get her after I clean up."
"Okay. See you at home."
Michonne retrieved their backpacks from the van, passing Rick his and shouldering her own before they headed out.
The community was winding down so they only passed by a few people lingering in the streets. They would nod in passing but were grateful to not be delayed by wayward conversations in the five minutes it took them to get home.
The house was neatly kept in their absence, which Michonne appreciated. "It's good to be home," she said, dropping her backpack in the foyer.
"I'm just glad the place didn't burn down while we were gone," Rick said, venturing into the kitchen to place the box of goods on the island counter.
Michonne hummed her agreement as she made her way in the opposite direction towards the steps. "I'm going to take a shower," she called over her shoulder.
"Hold up, I'll join you."
Michonne paused and slowly turned to face him as he was leaving the kitchen. "Oh no you don't. We'll be in there all night if you do, and you told Carl you'd pick up Judith."
Rick snorted, coming to meet her. "You tired me already?"
Michonne shook her head, smiling as she hooked her finger in between the buttons of his shirt to pull him closer. "Never," she said, pressing a quick kiss to his lips to accentuate the point, "but you know I'm right."
He chuckled, conceding her point with a nod. "Guess I'll shower in the kids bathroom."
Michonne could hear the pout in his voice and she was on the edge of succumbing to it but she dug deep and found restraint. "Good idea."
Rick shook his head grinning as he leaned in to reclaim her mouth once more before letting her go. Then he returned to the kitchen to quickly sort through the canned goods and RTEs they had decided to keep, putting them in their appropriate place.
By the time he made it upstairs he could already hear the water running from their en-suite. He thought about going inside just to tease Michonne a little more but decided against it, choosing to behave in order to get his daughter home at a reasonable hour.
After retrieving some clean clothes from their bedroom he ambled into the hallway bathroom. He quickly disrobed and settled for a lukewarm temperature so Michonne wouldn't run out of hot water and stepped inside the stall.
His muscles relaxed almost immediately under the stream and he stood there for a moment letting his exhaustion wash off his skin along with the dirt and blood. It felt good, especially after nearly a week without running water but he knew the longer he stayed, the more he risked surrendering to his own fatigue. So he shifted the dial all the way to 'cold' and briskly scrubbed his skin, washing thoroughly but quickly.
After he was dressed he went back into his bedroom to find Michonne still inside the en-suite. He knocked lightly at the bathroom door before opening it.
"It's a sauna in here," he muttered, peering through the steam to see Michonne neck deep in bathwater.
"And you're letting the cold air in," she remarked, not bothering to open her eyes.
Rick chuckled and closed the door behind him before walking over to stoop beside the tub. "Feeling better?"
She sunk deeper into the water and exhaled a languish sigh, "Much, thank you."
"Good," he returned, bringing his hand to one of her raised knees, trailing his fingers lightly across her exposed skin. "I'm gonna go get Judy."
Michonne lifted her gaze and lazily turned her head to face him. "Don't be too long."
"I won't," he promised with a kiss to her temple, even though he wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't be in the same spot by the time he got back.
Night had fully settled over Alexandria by the time Rick emerged from the house. He made short work of the journey to the church, knowing it was getting close to Judith's bedtime.
He was pleasantly surprised to find Gabriel and Judith sitting side by side on the church steps. Both had their eyes glued towards the sky and didn't notice him approach.
"A bunny!" Judith said, laughing and pointing upwards to the stars.
"You see a bunny rabbit? Huh," Gabriel remarked thoughtfully, tilting his head to try and see the constellations from her perspective.
"What else do you see?" Rick asked and the pair dropped their gaze to him immediately.
"Daddy!" Judith cried happily, rushing over to him on her tiny legs.
Rick dropped to scoop her up in his arms. "Hey sweetheart," he murmured into her hair as he hugged her close. "Did you miss me?"
She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder.
Rick stood with her in his arms and brushed a kiss to the top of her head as he neared his friend. "Thank you," he told him.
Gabriel smiled and shook his head once. "Of course, you know she's never any trouble. I'm glad to see you made it back safe."
"We just got in a little while ago," Rick told him.
Gabriel pushed himself to his feet, resting his hands in his pants' pockets. "Aaron let me know. He said you found an impressive haul."
"Yeah," Rick said, grinning, "we're going to meet Jadis and her people tomorrow with their share."
"Good. I'll be ready."
Rick tilted his head, raising an eyebrow. "You don't have to go."
"I want to," Gabriel affirmed, squaring his shoulders. "I want to finish this."
Rick nodded in understanding as he gently rubbed his daughter's back. "Okay, we'll meet at the pantry in the morning."
"Sounds like a plan. Good night, Rick. Good night, Judith."
Rick looked down at Judith, prompting her to lift her face from his shoulder with a slight nudge. "Say good night to Gabriel," he encouraged her.
"Bye-bye," Judith said, waving at the other man as her father turned away and started them down the street.
Rick took advantage of having some one on one time to catch up with his daughter, engaging with her limited but growing vocabulary. He learned that she had apples and peanut butter for breakfast and wanted the same for dinner. She also told him that Carl let her pick out her own outfits everyday - as evident by the clashing polka and stripe ensemble she currently wore - he also read stories to her every night. Or at least that's what he was able to decipher.
It was a game they'd like to play, he'd listen to her babble out full sentences then pick up words he could understand and repeat back what he thought she was trying to say until he got the full story.
He loved listening to her recount how she spent her days in his absence. The world through her eyes was so blissfully ignorant to the horrors beyond their walls. If he could make sure there was space enough in it for her to be safe, that would be enough.
"It sounds like you and Carl had fun while we were away," he said.
Judith nodded with a toothy grin just as the subject of their conversation approached them at the intersection. "Daddy look," she giggled, excitedly pointing in her brother's direction, "Car!"
Rick neared his son with a smile. "Good timing."
"I saw you guys leave the church," he replied, greeting Judith with a bop on her nose as he fell into step beside his father. "We're ready for tomorrow. Still can't believe you managed to find all that stuff."
"It was a lucky find," Rick said with a shrug.
Carl glanced sideways at him. "Michonne said the place was overrun," he recounted.
"Yeah," Rick drawled.
"Did something happen?" Carl pressed cautiously.
Rick's jaw clenched involuntarily. "I may have been a little reckless," he granted.
Carl frowned. "What do you mean?"
"There were thirty-some odd walkers out there so we decided to divide 'em up using barriers to take them out at our own pace," he explained, "it was going fine for a while until I saw something and got distracted."
"Distracted by what?"
Rick lifted his gaze upwards, feeling silly for what he was about to say. "A deer."
Carl stopped in the middle of the street just outside their home, staring at his father in disbelief. "You're kidding."
Rick slowly turned to face him. "It's a long story," he said, exhaling through his nose. But the look Carl gave him let him know that wasn't an excuse so he continued to explain himself. "I wanted to bring it home and I knew I'd have a better shot if I climbed up this rickety old ferris wheel but the damn thing wouldn't hold...and I fell."
Carl was not impressed with this information. He conveyed the sentiment by tilting his head mimicking a look of disappointment Rick had occasionally used on him in the past. "Dad..."
Rick rolled his eyes, acknowledging his impudence with a nod "Yeah, I know," he said as they started walking again. "It didn't help that from Michonne's point of view it looked like I fell right into a pit of walkers. They got to the deer first but she didn't know that right away."
"She thought they had gotten you," Carl concluded.
Rick looked down at his daughter, awake and nestled against his chest. As he started up the porch steps he wondered how much of what they were saying she actually understood.
"It wasn't intentional," Rick said upon entering the house with Carl trailing behind him.
"Yeah, okay," Carl intoned, shaking his head, "just do me a favor and stay away from ferris wheels from now on."
Rick snorted as they made their way into the kitchen. "That won't be a problem."
"Don't worry, I already made him promise," Michonne said from her place at the kitchen island. She appeared refreshed in a clean tank top and pajama bottoms, sipping what was likely herbal tea from her favorite mug.
Judith lifted her gaze at the sound of Michonne's voice and squirmed excitedly in her father's arms. "Mommy!" she cried, reaching her arms out for her.
Michonne pulled up short, staring at the child with wide eyes.
Rick, with a similarly surprised expression, looked down almost dumbfoundedly at his daughter.
Michonne absently placed her mug down on the countertop and slowly rose from the stool she was sitting on to close the distance between them. Rick watched her carefully as he deposited a squirming Judith into her arms. Hugging her close, Michonne turned to look at Carl, in silent inquiry.
"She said it for the first time this morning," he offered, grinning as he leaned back against the kitchen sink, watching the scene unfold.
Michonne broke into a watery smile, before asking, "Is that alright with you?"
Carl appreciated her for asking, needless as it was. As far as he was concerned, Michonne was the only mother Judith would ever really know. "We're family, Michonne, of course it's okay. We'll make sure she learns about Lori, but you're the only mother she's going to know," he told her simply.
Michonne slid her eyes to Rick who's expression bore the same loving sentiment, he reached up to gently wipe away an errand tear rolling down her cheek and smiled encouragingly for her.
She beamed at them both before pulling back to nuzzle their noses in an Eskimo kiss. "I missed you, baby girl," she said.
"I missed you," Judith returned in her sing-song voice.
"And missed your cooking," Carl added, bending over to peer curiously at the casserole dish keeping warm inside the oven.
"Dinner, right," Michonne sniffled, laughing lightly at how emotional she was all of sudden, "go wash up, it's almost ready,"
Carl headed upstairs, dutifully following her request without another word. Rick took the opportunity to approach Michonne who was currently getting an excited earful from Judith. Unwilling to interrupt their bonding moment, he kissed them both before wordlessly heading into the dining room to set the table.
Dinner was a light-hearted affair. It was the first time in weeks they were able to sit down as a family and not be burdened by the overwhelming presence of grief, anger, or resentment. They laughed and caught each other up on their last few days apart, enjoying the moment and the company more than anything else.
By the end of it, Judith had made an absolute mess of her dinner, foregoing any utensils in favor of mashing handfuls of chili pasta on and around her face.
The rest of them were too busy laughing to do anything else about the mess the 18-month-old had left in her wake.
Cleaning up was a tag-team affair. Rick and Carl managed to clear the dinner table and clean the kitchen while Michonne took Judith upstairs for a bath.
With the downstairs clean up taken care of, Carl retired to his bedroom more than happy to let his parents handle the rest of Judith's nighttime routine. Meanwhile Rick joined Michonne and Judith the nursery just in time for the second reading of Goodnight Moon.
Michonne gently swayed Judith in the rocking chair stationed next to her crib as she read, and Rick took up residence on the floor beside them. He didn't realize he was being lulled by the gentle tenor of her voice until he felt her foot lightly nudge his side.
He lifted his eyes to her then followed her gaze to see that Judith had finally dozed off. Stifling a yawn, he pushed himself to his feet and reached for her.
Michonne brushed a kiss to her daughter's hairline, lingering there for a moment before carefully transitioning her into Rick's arms.
Rick kissed Judith on the same spot then gingerly eased her into the crib, pulling her blanket up to tuck her in. He smiled fondly when Michonne reached down to stroke Judith's hair.
"Good job, Mommy," Rick whispered, coming to wrap his arms around her waist from behind.
Michonne blushed, resting her head back against his chest. "I didn't think I'd ever be called that again," she told him, resting her arms over his.
Rick squeezed her a little tighter. "Is it okay with you?" he asked, mentally kicking himself for not doing so earlier.
"Of course," she returned as though it were obvious, "she surprised me, but in the best possible way."
Rick hummed in agreement, dropping his face to press a kiss to her collarbone. "Me too."
"I didn't think I could have this again," she admitted in a soft whisper.
He gently turned her in his arms, wrapping his arms around her waist to hold her close. "You deserve to have this," he told her, "there are so many things I didn't think I could have again but I do and it's because of you."
He leaned forward to kiss her, wanting to convey how much he meant those words. He wanted her to know that everything they had, everything they were fighting for would not have been possible if not for her.
"We're your family," he said, pulling away to rest his forehead against hers as he brought a hand to her face, lightly tracing the outline of her lower lip.
"Thank you," she murmured, slowly reopening her eyes.
"Come on," he said with a grin, stepping back from the crib and gently pulling her with him, "Daddy wants Mommy's attention now."
Michonne eyed him knowingly, unable to stop her own grin from forming as she allowed him to coax her out of the room. Before she crossed the threshold, she took one last look back at her sleeping baby and smiled.
"Good night, baby girl," she whispered, and quietly closed the door behind them.