XXVIII:

"Poor little man," Liv said softly, adjusting the blanket around Noah and herself as they rocked in the chair. "I'm sorry you don't feel good today." The baby snuggled into her chest and whined, breathing raggedly through his nose, then coughing pitifully. "I know, baby, I know." She rubbed his back soothingly and sighed.

Rafael paused in the doorway. "How is he?" he asked, brow raised.

She shook her head and frowned. "No fever, but he sounds absolutely miserable – I don't know if we should call urgent care and see if we need to take him into the ER to be seen or what. The pediatrician's office wasn't able to get us in till Monday anyway for the basic visit for the state, so…" Her voice trailed off as Noah started coughing again, a congested, low-pitched chesty cough that sounded bigger than his lungs were. "My poor little guy – did Auntie Rita give you that terrible cold?"

Rafael barked out a laugh. "You know she just up and decided the other night that maybe it's time to quit smoking if we're going to invite her over more often with 'a kid hanging around'."

Liv cocked her head and said, "Seriously? Five packs a day Calhoun, quitting?"

"It's her way of saying that she approves of Noah in our lives," he said, coming over to rest his hand on Noah's head. The baby tensed up, then relaxed, whimpering a little again. "It's okay, mijo, I know you don't feel well – but mami is trying to make it better. Did you give him any medicine?"

"Just the decongestant that was in the bag they sent over from the last place," Liv sighed. "From that pediatrician. I think that's why he's so groggy."

Rafael moved to pick it up off the side table and read it, then made a face. "Yeah, that would do it. Poor kid. I wonder if he has allergies or what –"

"I don't know. It's not like they gave us much to go on." She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Poor little man." She just kept alternating between rubbing Noah's back and patting it, even though her arms were tired and aching, because he didn't want anyone but her. He had decided that she meant comfort and home and love, and that was enough for her – and him.

"Fin and Rollins are coming over later to help me move the desk and bookshelves upstairs," Rafael said. "And abuelita moves in tomorrow," he added gently.

Liv smiled. "Good," she said softly. "She'll be happier here than in the facility."

"I hope so," he said. "I just want everything to be okay – I need things to be okay for a while."

She nodded. "I know," she agreed. "Me, too."

He came back over and pressed a kiss to her temple, then kissed her quickly on the lips. "I'm going to go grab some lunch – anything in particular you want, mi amor?"

"Maybe just a sandwich from the place," she said, gesturing with one hand. "You know what I mean."

He smiled. "Yeah – I've got to hit the pharmacy anyway, so it's right there. I'll be back in a half hour, tops."

She heard the door downstairs close – noisily, but not a slam, because it was an old door and probably needed replacing or at least the glass needed looked at – and she continued to snuggle with Noah, lightly humming to him as she drifted off into a light sleep.

Liv woke up when the baby in her arms stopped breathing.

She jerked awake and immediately checked him for anything obstructing his airways, trying not to panic, only seeing an overabundance of mucus in his nose – but the sudden movement seemed to shock him back into breathing. But his breaths were slow, shallow, and forced like gasps as if he couldn't get any air at all.

"Noah, honey, it's okay," Liv said softly, her hand resting on his tummy as she balanced him on his back on her thighs, trying to assure him as his eyes widened anxiously. "It's okay, little man," she promised. "Mommy's got you – mommy's got you and it's going to be okay." She picked him back up and clutched him close so she could get to the phone. "Rafael."

"Hey," he said, "I'm on my way back –"

"Noah stopped breathing. It's probably faster for me to just walk the couple blocks to the hospital than call an ambulance," she said quickly, "but I don't know whether to put him in the car seat or the stroller –"

"What do you mean he stopped breathing?"

"I mean he wasn't breathing. At all." She tried not to read anything into the fact that Noah hadn't so much as whined or cried since he'd started breathing again, but it was difficult not to – he was still struggling to breathe, and she was rushing around the room trying to get his socks and shoes on him so he wouldn't get cold on the way. "Fuck the food, Rafa. Just meet me at the ER. He still can't breathe."

"I'll be there in a couple of minutes," he promised.

"Getting the diaper bag and my shoes now," she said, slinging the full diaper bag over her shoulder and running down the stairs. She stopped to grab her purse and keys and to slip into the flats she kept just by the front door and was out onto the steps in a flash, locking up and hurrying toward the hospital. She stayed on the phone with Rafael, giving him updates on Noah as she all but sprinted down the sidewalks and across the crosswalks, jaywalking at intersections if she could, until she got to the ER where they were met at the admissions desk by a nurse who took one look at Noah and took them back into a room – thanks to Rafael having relayed information to the desk as she'd been en route.

"Mr. and Mrs. Barba, while we start looking at Noah, there's going to be more paperwork," the nurse said gently.

"Yeah, got it," Rafael said. "Liv, you stay with him and I'll handle the paperwork."

She nodded and gave him a quick kiss. "I love you," Liv whispered. "I'm sorry –"

"Mrs. Barba," the nurse said, redirecting her attention back to Noah. Rafael left the little room to go into the corridor to do the paperwork, and Liv felt crushingly all alone. She didn't know what the hell it would've been like to have done this all alone, just her and Noah, but she didn't like it – she loathed the very idea. "Has Noah had trouble breathing like this before?"

"We've only had Noah with us for six days," Liv said quickly. "We're fostering to adopt. I don't know, honestly – we're supposed to get a full copy of his medical records soon."

"Okay," the nurse said. "I'm going to get Noah on some oxygen right now, and see if the doctor agrees with me but it looks like he's having an asthma attack. I want to rule out a couple of other things, though. That nose looks a little nasty and he's pretty congested in his lungs, too – I can hear it rattling when he's struggling to breathe."

"Okay," Liv agreed.

"But what he needs most from you and dad is calm."

"I'm trying," Liv forced out.

"You're doing great, mom."

She didn't feel like she was doing even remotely adequately, let alone great.

"Look who's home!" Catalina cried, clapping her hands excitedly and opening her arms to take Noah from Liv's grasp. "¿Se siente bien ahora?"

"Don't squeeze him too tightly," Rafael warned as Liv passed the little boy over to his great-grandmother. "Little man has some cracked ribs and asthma – we don't want to have to go back to the hospital, abuelita."

"How did a baby crack his ribs?" the older woman asked sternly.

Liv exhaled shakily and murmured, "That's part of why he was taken from the last family he was with – the mother was arrested for multiple charges, and the father… isn't going anywhere because he's in a cemetery."

"Dios!"

"He's going to be okay, though," Rafael insisted. "Noah's our little guy now and there's no better mami in the world to fight for him than Liv."

"And no better dad than you," Liv murmured, snaking her arm around him and hugging him close as she watched a sleepy Noah snuggle up to Catalina. "The last few days have been rough –"

"It's okay. It's all going to be okay. We're all going to be okay," he promised softly. "We'll get through it all. And I interviewed some nannies yesterday while I was settling abuelita in… There's one named Lucy that seems promising, but I want you to meet her before I just say yes outright. And she needs to meet Noah, too. If he doesn't like her, there isn't much point, is there?"

"Well," Liv said, "I assume you told her the circumstances to a degree, and why she wasn't meeting Noah and me yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you call her back and see if she can come in for a second interview today?" she suggested gently. "She can meet Catalina and Noah, I can ask her some questions, get a feel for her – I trust your judgement, Rafa. If you think she's the right fit… we can only hope that Noah takes to her."

He smiled and said, "I'll see if she's available, okay? Meanwhile, you should get something to eat and take a nap."

"There's laundry needs doing," Liv mumbled, smothering a yawn. "It needed done before Noah went into the hospital and –"

"It's done and folded. You think I haven't been stress cleaning?" he shot back.

She shook herself for a moment, then sighed. "Yeah, I guess that's true enough," she agreed. "You can't sit still for five minutes." She paused. "What's in the fridge?"

"What do you want?"

"I don't know."

"Sweet or savory?"

"Both?"

"How about turkey, cream cheese, and strawberry preserves, toasted?"

"Sounds amazing," she said with a small, hungry noise. "Have I mentioned how much I love you yet today?"

"No, but I'll take kisses as donations," he replied with a grin.

She gave him a kiss and released her hold on him so he could go make her lunch. "How's your room, Catalina?" Liv asked.

"It's very nice; Rafi and your friends did a good job fixing it for me," she said cheerfully. "Everything I need I can reach and I don't have to try too hard. And there's a seat in the shower and on the toilet now."

"Rafael is a good man," Liv said softly. "He loves us all very much – he'd give us the moon if he could."

"Y le haría poner la luna de nuevo en el cielo. Chico tonto."

Liv watched Noah sleeping in Catalina's loving arms and wished that she had family to bring to the table for the little boy to adore so brazenly, but all she could offer him was a few broken cops with badges and guns who would go to the ends of the earth to keep him safe because he was hers. And maybe that was enough. Maybe that was family.

"I like it when Rafa's silly," she said softly. "It reminds me why I love him so much."

"He's so serious," Catalina said.

"I love that, too," Liv countered. She sat down and closed her eyes. "Face it, you're stuck with me as your lousy in-law forever."

"La mejor decisión que ha tomado ese chico."

She hid a smile and pretended she hadn't heard the muffled praise.

Lucy Huston smiled and said, "Well, like I told Mr. Barba, I graduated high school this year, but I'm taking a gap year to take my time with my university applications – my test scores are high, but I felt a lot of pressure with the applications process on top of finishing high school on an accelerated schedule, so… But my plan is to go into education and development."

"You have all the current and correct certifications," Liv said, looking over her application.

"Yes, ma'am. I worked part-time as a nanny before, and keep my qualifications current," Lucy said. "My previous employers go back and forth between Dubai and the US, hence the part time aspect of the work, so – I mean, you can call or email them if you need a reference, but I worked for them through high school. My dad was their accountant." Lucy paused, then swallowed. "I'm sorry, I know how that sounds –"

"No, everyone gets their start somewhere," Liv said with a small smile in Rafael's direction. "Rafa, I bet Noah's hungry for a snack – why don't you grab him a cookie and bring him in to meet Lucy?"

"You think he's getting bored of abuelita yet?" Rafael teased with a chuckle.

"You said your grandmother was coming to live with you – how is that going? Is Noah taking to her?" Lucy asked with curiosity.

"He adores her," Liv said with a happy smile. "Which is wonderful for us – and her. It might make your job a little more difficult, though, because you'll kind of have to watch out for her a bit, too."

"Oh, no, that's fine," Lucy said. "She'll have a home nurse part of the time, right? And I'd be with Noah most of the time?"

"That would be the usual arrangement, yes," Liv agreed. "Now, all of this hinges on you passing a background check and the Noah check."

Rafael brought Noah into the room. The baby had a rusk clutched tightly in one fist and he was gumming at it while drooling and smashing it into Rafael's shoulder comically. Liv had to grin because her normally fastidious husband didn't give a shit what he looked like suddenly now he was toting a baby in his arms. It was the happiest she had ever seen him, aside from the night they had gotten married and affirmed their commitment to one another for good.

"Lucy, this little man is Noah Porter," Liv said with a chuckle. "And he is very much a cuddle bug, as you can see."

"Hi, Noah," Lucy said, getting the baby's attention. Rafael lowered Noah from his shoulder and turned him so he could see her. "How are you, little guy?" The baby eyed her suspiciously, then stuffed the rusk back into his mouth, chewing on it and narrowing his eyes. "Could I…?"

"Sure," Rafael said, passing Noah to her.

The baby opened his mouth as if to scream, then paused and shut it again. Then he merely huffed a little and gave his parents a look and went back to his snack.

"I guess I pass?" Lucy said, laughing.

Liv smiled and said, "He did that to Fin, too."

"Who's Fin?" Lucy asked.

"One of my co-workers."

Lucy paused, then nodded. "Another cop?"

"Yeah," Liv said. "I… I want them to be Noah's family, but I want him to grow up outside the world of the police and the law, if that makes sense? I want him to know what we do, but I don't want him to know the details until he's much older."

"I think that's smart," Lucy said. "Kids… kids don't need to know the dark side. Not till they're old enough to understand what it means."

Liv looked over at Rafael and smiled. "You were right, Rafi. As usual. She's perfect. But Fin's running the background check as we speak and if there's so much as a parking ticket or a library fine –"

Lucy looked at her, startled. "What kind of a monster doesn't pay their library overdue fines?"

Rafael held up a hand and sighed. "I lost a book once and couldn't pay the fine. Ended up having to pay ten times what the book was actually worth to replace it." He side-eyed his wife. "Mind you, I was in law school at the time and scrimping all my pennies and by the time I had the money to pay the damn thing, I was working for Kings County. I was so ashamed."

"Why didn't you ask Rita? She would've floated you the money," Liv pointed out.

He hesitated, then said, "When you come from nothing and have nothing, the idea of asking for help is too embarrassing and difficult to swallow."

"Well, you have everything now, Mr. Barba," Lucy said firmly. "And it's my job to make sure Noah is taken care of – if you'll have me."

"I think we'd all like that, Lucy," he agreed. "Right, Liv?"

"I think so," Liv agreed.

Noah chose that moment to cuddle up with Lucy and continue gnawing on his rusk happily.

TBC...