"Fuck!"

JJ laughed softly at my gasped expletive. Then he kissed me again and I lost the ability to speak, or even think. No one had ever touched me, obviously, and after so many years of longing and dreaming, having JJ's hand on me made me struggle to keep control after the first few seconds. I had to pull my lips away from his so I could breathe and groan at the same time.

"JJ," I panted, then stopped as he ran his thumb over the crown of my dick. "Um—"

He kissed my ear, then bit the lobe.

"JJ—"

He took his hand off me for a moment to loosen the drawstring at my waistband, and my shorts slid to my ankles.

"Do you want me to—?" I tried again. I wanted to do something for him, not that my shaking hands would be capable of much right then.

"No." He grabbed me in a tight fist and continued jerking me off, slower than I would do it to myself. The torment of being right on the edge and not quite able to finish made me groan again, louder than before. JJ's mouth touched my neck, nibbling just above my collarbone which I hadn't realised could be so sensitive. I shivered and bucked my hips, driving myself harder into his hand. He moaned and quickened his pace. I held onto his sides, his skin warm and wet under my hands. My balls tightened and I closed my eyes.

JJ's teeth grazed my neck before his tongue swiped over the bite. His hand, slick with my precome, slid down my shaft and back up, and that was it. I came hard, then slumped against the counter, panting and trembling. He took his hand off me and rested his body against mine, his chin on my shoulder. He was gasping for breath, sweating and shivering the same way I was. I slipped my arms around his waist and rested my hands on his back. His groin was against mine, only his shorts separating our skin, and he was no longer hard.

I grinned. "JJ, did you come?"

He snorted.

"Did you?"

"I might have."

I pressed my lips to his cheek and felt the heat. I laughed a little. "This was unexpected."

"I wanted to do it. Have done for years."

"Me too."

"Yeah?" He pulled back now and wiped his hand on his wet shorts. I quickly pulled mine up, feeling a little self-conscious.

"Yeah. It was probably that night you came over here when we were thirteen, after your dad hurt you the first time. You slept on my floor, and I wanted you to get in the bed but didn't dare ask in case you thought I was gay."

JJ laughed. "I was lying on the floor thinking, 'I wish he would ask me to sleep in the bed,' but if you did, I'd have been terrified of giving myself away. I think I spent most of that night with a hard-on."

I laughed too.

"Five years is a fucking long time to hide something like that. I wish I'd told you before. I was just too scared," he continued.

"I know. I was, too."

He stifled a yawn. "Sorry. Beer and weed catching up with me."

"You wanna go to bed?" His eyes widened. "I meant, in your room," I added quickly. "We're sharing this house now and this—" I gestured between us, "—is really new. It would be pretty intense if we started sharing a room, too. I mean, unless you have any more bad dreams and then—"

JJ's laughter cut me off. "You're rambling."

"I'm nervous," I admitted.

"Were you this nervous with Sarah?"

"No, because it wasn't real, and I didn't have feelings for her. I only got nervous when she started talking about 'going all the way,' 'cause I knew I had to break up with her."

"So, why are you nervous with me? I take it you're not thinking of breaking up with me, after, like, one day."

"It's because I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't want to fuck up. I care about you too much."

"All I want is to be with you. You won't fuck that up."

"I wouldn't be so sure. I'm hardly Casanova." I grinned sheepishly.

"You've done more than me, even if it wasn't real."

"I suppose, but this is different. I'm hardly gonna give you flowers and take you on a picnic like I did Sarah."

JJ snorted again, then stuck his bottom lip out. "Why not? Am I not worth buying flowers for?"

"You ass." I gave him a shove. "Anyway, I didn't buy them. Mostly I stole them from Mrs Chase's garden. I was thinking about it earlier, though. About what we might do as in, um, dates."

"Same as always, I guess, but without Pope and Kie. I mean, if we're out on the Pogue alone, there wouldn't be anything to stop us doing stuff." He yawned again.

"Stuff. Right. Go to bed, JJ. We can do some stuff in the morning."

JJ backed away to the door, then turned slowly and disappeared into the bathroom. I waited until he came out and went to his bedroom, then took my turn. Ten minutes later, I was in bed with my door open a crack so I would hear more easily if he had any more bad dreams.

I woke to daylight and realised I hadn't moved a muscle all night. My dick was hard in the underwear I had put on to sleep in, and I wished I had closed my door. I could hear sounds coming from JJ's room so there was no way I could get away with jerking off, and if I got up to close the door it would be a bit obvious. I lay there, willing my erection to go down, but all I could think about was how JJ's hand felt on me and it throbbed persistently. I took slow, deep breaths, and it was then that I concentrated on what I could hear outside the room. A soft groan, then another. The bed springs creaked. Shit, he was stroking himself off and not trying to be quiet about it, either.

I tried to work out if his door was shut or not. I doubted I would be able to hear so much if it was. I could hear him breathing—rapid panting—and the wet sound of his hand moving on his dick.

"Shit," I muttered, then bit my lip, hoping he hadn't heard me. If I could hear him, he could certainly hear what I was doing. My erection strained against my underwear. I ran my hand lightly over the cotton and felt dampness.

Another groan came from JJ's room. I pictured him, lying in my dad's old king bed, and wondered whether he had his underwear pushed down around his thighs, or whether he was naked. Would he do it with his legs stretched out, or his knees pulled up? I imagined the latter, his thighs apart, knees propping the bed covers up while he stroked himself, his free hand perhaps squeezing and caressing his balls the way I did it when I pleasured myself.

I gave myself a quick squeeze, then took my hand away and clenched my fists. Any move I made now, he would hear and know I was awake listening to him. I lay rigid, trying to breathe normally, as he quickened his hand movements and gave a strangled moan as he came. I bit my lip hard to stop myself groaning along with him. He swore softly, the bed springs creaked again, and a soft thud and a squeak of floorboards told me he had put his feet on the floor. Light footsteps followed, and a quiet click of the bathroom door.

I let out the breath I realised I'd been holding, got up, quietly closed my bedroom door, and got back into bed. The shower started running and under the cover of the distant sound of running water, I shoved my underwear down and grabbed my aching penis. It took seconds. I'd woken hard, and the sound of JJ getting himself off had fired me up so much, I probably could have come just from listening to him if it had taken him much longer. I spilled into my hand and wiped the mess on a handful of tissues. By the time the shower stopped, and the bathroom door opened, my breathing had returned to normal. His footsteps paused outside my door, then continued to his room.

"Shit," I muttered again. He probably noticed my door was closed, when it had been open before. What the hell. If he jerked off with his door open, he must have known there'd be a chance I would hear him. Maybe he had wanted me to hear him. I smirked at the thought as I started to get dressed.

We met in the hallway as we both came out of our rooms at the same time. JJ was wearing another of his faded t-shirts, this one with the sleeves ripped out, with camouflage cargo shorts. His wet hair dripped into his eyes, and his cheeks dimpled as he grinned in greeting.

"Hey." I cleared my throat.

"Hi." His lips twitched. "Did you hear me?"

"Uh, well, yeah," I admitted.

He laughed a little and walked ahead of me into the kitchen. "Sorry, I couldn't be bothered to get up and close the door."

"I think I'd have heard you even if the door was closed."

"Fuck off, I wasn't that loud." He didn't seem embarrassed at least. "So, did you—?"

"What do you think?" I moved closer. He was standing by the kitchen counter with his back to me, looking at the coffee machine. I slid my arms around his waist and hugged him from behind. He relaxed against me with a sigh. I rested my cheek against his and we just stood there, not speaking or moving. I closed my eyes, loving just being able to wrap my arms around him like this and not only dream about it.

"John B, I l—" His soft words were cut off by the kitchen door crashing against the wall. Shocked, I leapt away from him and spun around, expecting to see Pope and Kie laughing at us.

"JJ! I might have known you'd be here, you piece of shit!" Luke Maybank bellowed.

JJ backed away, eyes wide. "W-what do you want, Dad?"

"What do you mean, what do I want? Get outside and get in the truck. The house is a fucking mess and you're here partying with your little faggot friend."

"It's n-not my problem. I'm n-not c-c-coming home," JJ stammered. "I'm eighteen, I can l-l-live where I want."

Luke stormed across the room and grabbed JJ by the front of his t-shirt. "Don't talk back to me, you little bastard. You'll come home when I tell you!"

JJ struggled to prise his father's hand off him. "You don't want me there. I'm gay, remember? Oh yeah, of course you remember. You wanted your friends to fuck me to make you some money!" he spat suddenly. "You want me to tell Shoupe about that, huh, Dad?"

"Luke, leave him alone," I put in. "We're both adults now. Like he said, he can live where he wants."

"JB, don't," JJ begged.

Luke let go of JJ and spun around. "What's it to do with you? Like father like son, always fucking interfering in stuff that don't concern you. It was a relief to hear he was dead. At least one fucking Routledge out of the picture."

"You fucking asshole," JJ said, his fear giving way to anger. "You're worthless. I wish it was you who was dead. I half killed myself working every fucking hour available as well as going to school, to try and pay the bills and put food on the table, and you fucking drank, snorted, and gambled every damn cent! And who the hell tries to whore out their own son? Not to mention the number of times you almost put me in the hospital. God knows what you told Shoupe when he came sniffing around, but he should have locked you up for child abuse years ago!"

I glanced anxiously at Luke. To my surprise, his shoulders slumped, and he took a step backwards. "Son, I'm sorry," he said. "You're right. Everything you said is true. You didn't deserve any of that. You're too much like your fucking mother. Every time I look at you, I see her and what she did to me and—"

"She did nothing except leave you, and that was your own fault," JJ said bitterly.

"Yeah, I know." Luke sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, JJ, I am. I'll try to do better."

"No, you won't. You'll bury everything in another bottle of something. I'm not coming home. Not ever."

Luke nodded and took another step towards the door. "That's fair. Like you said, you're an adult now. You don't need your dad anymore."

"I never did," JJ responded. "Not since the first time I had to scrape you off the floor and clean up after you drank yourself half to death."

There was a short silence. Then Luke blew out another breath. "I'm sorry, son. Take care of yourself," he said, then slipped out of the door and walked away.

"Wow, um, th-that could have gone w-w-worse," JJ stuttered, and put his hands over his face as he began to cry.

I reached him in a second and wrapped my arms around him. "It's okay," I murmured. "It's okay, it's over."