XXXVI:

"So, I'm not saying that you should hang up your robes, but that Novak chick is driving me crazy and I'd like to send her back to California," Connie said, sipping her coffee and crossing her legs as she perched on the edge of Rafael's desk. "I liked being able to yank on your tie."

"Very funny," he said, rolling his eyes. "She's annoying but she and Liv are joined at the hip. It's fine."

"Ugh," Braga muttered. "Well, I mean, you have to spend time with her – what do I need to do to make her shut up and listen?"

"Stop telling her to shut up and listen?" he suggested, smirking. "She hates it even more than Olivia does, if that's even possible."

"So I should take her out for coffee and bribe her to see my way is what you're saying?"

"Jesus, no," Rafael laughed. "You just have to stop trying so hard. You're shoving yourself down everyone's throat and I don't know any woman who responds well to that kind of aggressiveness."

"I'm not aggressive – I'm assertive."

"You're bossy and don't know how to take no for an answer," he countered.

"You're on her side?"

"Constance, there are no sides," he sighed, scrunching up a post-it and flicking it into the trash. "I can't believe I have to teach you two to behave like civilized toddlers. Noah acts better than the both of you."

"How is the little man?" Connie asked. "Adorable as ever?"

"Driving his mami and me absolutely crazy, and we're living for every minute of it," he admitted. "I wish to god we could have at least one more kid in that house, but –"

"Why don't you?" she asked, shaking her coffee in a swirling motion.

"It was so difficult getting Noah in the first place – I don't want to put Liv through the disappointment of failing in the system again," he said dismissively, flicking through his notes.

"Well, no, I meant having your own. Surely that's still an option."

"No, it's not." He frowned at her. "Liv can't –"

"Okay, so… your swimmers are dead in the water? I'm sure you can find an egg donor and a surrogate."

"I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with you," he muttered.

"I can't believe you haven't had this conversation with your wife," Connie shot back.

"Because it's not an option!"

"Seriously? Why not?"

"You think someone is just going to sign away all legal rights and claims to their eggs and the embryos and/or children that result from them?" he snapped. "Not without a ton of money invested that I don't have to pay for their medical care. And a surrogate on top of it? I – "

"Okay, I get it," she muttered. "I was just saying –"

"Do you think I don't want things, Connie? I do. They just aren't going to happen, so I've learned to live with disappointment." He grimaced and reached for his half-drunk bottle of water. Taking a tepid sip, he made a face. "Got anything on tonight? We're having family night."

"Wouldn't want to crash your party," Connie said with a sigh.

"I invited your dumb ass, didn't I?" he shot back in annoyance. "It's pizza and cards, not state secrets, jeez, woman. You can flirt with Fin all you want in public –"

"Rita gonna be there?" she muttered.

"Please tell me you're not jealous of Rita," he scoffed. "They are not, and have never been, a thing. She's twice divorced and doesn't do relationships now."

"Twice burned? Ouch."

"Yeah, one of them was an explosive rebound – it did not go well," he said with a bitter laugh.

The face she was making was comical to the point he almost laughed. "Oh, Jesus," Constance mumbled. "She can bluff her way across the poker table any time, abogado, so long as she leaves Tutuola for me."

"Yeah, you'd better get your claws in him before Novak does – apparently, they had a thing in the day," Rafael warned.

"If I didn't want you on my team when I run for Governor, I'd fuck you up here and now," she spat.

"I'd like to see you try," he retorted. "You coming tonight or what, so I know if I have to get that stupid Greek pizza you like so much."

"Get the damn pie," she hissed, pointing at him. "Just so you know, if blood is spilled, it's your house."

"If blood is spilled, you have to deal with Liv," he warned.

"So that was…"

"What exactly did you think you were accomplishing with that little stunt, Rafael?" Liv asked, pulling the door shut. "You know they don't get along. Putting the two of them in the same room and practically begging them to fight it out –"

"To be brutally honest, there was about a seventy percent chance they were going to end up fucking instead of fighting," he shot back, one hand sassily on his hip. "Or are you completely oblivious to the sexual tension radiating off of the two of them whenever they go at it?"

"I'm mostly too busy trying to find the nearest desk to hide under," Liv scoffed. "Sexual tension? Please. Casey and Connie? Not likely. They want to fight for the sake of it – Casey thinks she's a pretentious know it all and Connie thinks Casey is a bitch –"

"Connie thinks Casey needs to shut the hell up and listen because she isn't," he muttered, "and that's half the problem. Look, I thought Connie was just flash, too, until I shut up and listened – she's the real deal. And until Casey stops fighting, there's going to be bloodshed. Doesn't help that Connie and Fin are tight; your girl is jealous."

Olivia sighed and yanked off her sweater. "She's not my girl. I just need people to get along so I stop having to intervene all the time."

"You and me both," he muttered.

"Raf?"

"Hmm?"

"We don't have to be anywhere tomorrow and I'm only on call part of Sunday," she reminded him as she finished changing into her pajamas. "And our only alarm clock is Noah."

He chuckled and paused midway in the act of shucking his pants off. "Mrs. Barba, are you suggesting that we have intimate relations?"

She threw her dirty shirt at him and caught him right in the face. "You ass, I'm saying we have a free night to have sex if you want to –"

"I always want to make love to my insanely gorgeous wife," Rafael countered, grinning back at her. "You name the time and place and I'll be there and ready."

"Promises, promises," she teased, looking a little hesitant.

He crossed the space between them in a couple of strides and pulled her into his arms. "Hey, what's up?" Rafael asked, nuzzling her neck and placing a couple of soft kisses against her skin just below her ear. "You okay?"

"We've been through so much – I just… I don't know that this is what you signed on for when you married me," she said quietly.

"Yeah, it is," he whispered, the assurance coming fast because it was truth. "And we married each other, mi amor. Everything that's happened to you has happened to me, too, because we are one – remember? I promised you that I've got you till we're old and grey and arguing in our wheelchairs."

"I'm gonna run circles around your wheelchair, old man," she scoffed.

"I certainly hope so," he teased. "What happened that's got you so worried, Liv?"

She inhaled shakily. "I… reported Ed Tucker at IAB last week for sexual harassment and he's on administrative leave pending a full investigation." She leaned into his embrace and he just held on tightly. "He, ah… he stormed into my office earlier, threatening all kinds of hellfire and brimstone because he knows where the bodies are buried. Apparently, I'm supposed to roll over and let him touch me and coerce me into having sex with him and go out for drinks because it will keep all of the secrets quiet –"

His heart nearly stopped. "Olivia?"

"I haven't always been the best cop, Rafa… or the best person," she whispered. "And I'm sorry for that. I am. I slept with him to keep my badge at one point; and yeah, I know it was a stupid move. He's been jonesing for it ever since and I just… put him off and let him grope and kiss a little instead. But the other day, he was all over me and pissed because I didn't tell him I was married – not like we hide it or anything – and I lost my shit and reported him. And now… now it looks like I'm the guilty one for holding out and continuing to let him do it for so long –"

Rafael's hold on her waist had tightened involuntarily. "He blackmailed you."

"It was a mutually beneficial arrangement for a time," she whispered. "He kept a chained lapdog in SVU to do his bidding – me – and yanked on my chain when he needed a favor."

He was angry, furious even, but his anger wasn't directed at her: no, Ed Tucker was the sole focus of his wrath. "If he comes near you again, we'll file a restraining order," Rafael promised. "And escalate it from there. If he touches you, I swear to god –"

"You aren't going to do anything," she insisted softly. "You are a judge, Rafi. You can't – I won't let you throw your life away because of him. Because of what I've done and hidden from you. Better that I admit now that he and I had sex during the time you and I have been together and wait for you to say that you're ready to end us –"

"Are you insane?" His voice rose in pitch. "Over that piece of shit?" Rafael reached up, tangling his fingers in her hair, cupping her cheek. "We survived much worse, Liv. My god, I hate him. He hurt you and he's broken your spirit, but mi amor… nothing is going to convince me that you aren't worthy of my love. You are the mother of my children, the light of my life, the reason I get up in the morning and come to bed at night. We aren't perfect, but no one is – that you were so scared and hid this… I'm so sorry. Mi alma, I am so sorry." He pressed his forehead to hers, breathing heavily, closing his eyes and listening to her gut-wrenching sobs. "It's not your fault, Olivia."

"I want to believe you," she sobbed.

"Trust me," he whispered. "He manipulated you because he wanted something from you indefinitely. I want to punch a motherfucker in the dick but because I respect the love of my life, I'm not hiking to find his ass and assaulting him under the cover of darkness."

"Why would you want to?"

"Defending your honor?"

"I literally have a gun."

"Yes, and shooting him is worse than kicking him in the ballsack," he reminded her. "One can be plead out. The other is homicide."

"Only if he's dead," she sighed. "But – still –"

"You're worth jail time, Liv," he whispered. "I promise. When I said those vows, I meant them. I swear to god, if he touches you again, if he even gets close enough to breathe on you, I will destroy him." He hugged her close. "I'm sorry you thought you had to face this alone."

"Why are you so good to me?" she breathed. "I – I fucked up and you've just forgiven –"

"There's nothing to forgive," Rafael said dismissively. "But if I see him again outside of a courtroom, I'll probably have a few choice words."

"The first time we were together, I was so relieved that you weren't like him," she confessed. "And you've protected me and loved me and I never deserved it –"

"Hey, hey," he whispered, swaying with her and holding her close, "you've always deserved it. Always. And now… if he decides he's going to turn it back on you, I want you to have a strategy. We're going to hire Rita: she's always down to stick it to a corrupt cop. Her second ex is on the force."

"I didn't know she was married twice."

"She doesn't talk about the rebound husband much. I know he exists, but I don't know who he is," Rafael admitted. "But I want you to feel secure. Ed Tucker won't touch you again, mi amor. I won't let him."

He finally exhaled in relief when her arms came up around his torso, her fingers twisting into his t-shirt seeking comfort. "I'm sorry," she whispered into his shoulder.

"Don't be." Rafael kept his tone soft and even. "Don't lower yourself to his level, Olivia. He wants to fuck you? Fuck him right back. You're a Barba: we play for keeps."

"Fin, I need you to do some digging for me," Rafael said, casually perched in the booth at the coffee shop. "There's a case that's not on IAB's radar that should be that involves Benson and Stabler. I don't know what year."

Fin's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why?"

"So I can deliver some justice to a fucker," Rafael replied drily, "and actually be able to speak like I know what I'm talking about. Don't you have someone in records at IAB still?"

"Yeah, but even my favors pool doesn't go that deep," Fin scoffed. "Does this have something to do with Tucker going on unpaid leave pending investigation?"

"It might just."

Fin made a non-committal noise, then said, "I'd stay out of it if I were you. Especially if Liv and Stabler are involved. Them two were some bad news bears back in the day, lemme tell ya. They got results, but there was a lot of sketchy shit going down. Liv took the fall for El a few times, but no one like lost their badge or got major disciplinary action over it." He paused, then said, "Come to think on it… that's sketch on its own, isn't it? Is that why Tucker's under investigation?"

"No." Rafael drummed his fingers on the table and sighed. "It isn't."

"Okay. Did he – did he do somethin' to Liv?"

Rafael licked his lips and said, "Allegations have been made and an investigation is being launched. The NYPD will most likely find in his favor, and we are already preparing to take the case in a civil direction."

"You're calling Rita Calhoun, I hope?" Fin asked.

"Why?"

"Because she was married to that asshole," Fin replied, taking a swig of his hot coffee. "If anyone knows where to throw the first punch, she will."

You could have reached out and knocked Rafael over with a feather.