A/N: I have to warn you, that I had a major, major writer's block for this chapter. Plus I am currently down with the flu. Horrible, to be sick during the holidays. Anyway, I hope this won't be a disappointment to others. I'm not used to beta readers, so I edited it my way. Cheers!
Hurting
...A streak of gold flash past her eyes...
Seki eyes widened at the ocean colored eyes, so cold and frightening that most people would've run away screaming by now.
But she didn't.
Gaara continued to approach her menacingly, his sand pouring out of his gourd and wrapping around her ankles tightly. Seki winced at the death grip, her memories of her first night in Sunagakure coming back to haunt her. The same hungry glare, paired up with the smirk that looked almost evil, placed against the sickly paleness of Gaara's face. He raised his hands, licking his lips in delight as the sand reached Seki's chest. Seki felt her legs go numb at the crushing force of the sand, its warmth made Seki shiver slightly, as she imagined the source of the warmth as the blood of Gaara's many victims.
And it probably was.
Gaara started to grit his teeth and tightened his fist. Seki screamed out in pain, but her fear was still absent from her bright ruby pupils.
Why? Why isn't she frightened!?
"I need... I need to prove..."
Seki strained to hear Gaara's whispering, ignoring the sand the best she could without dying.
"... my existence. I need... to kill..."
The Shukaku within Gaara started to snarl impatiently, its bloodthirsty nature trying to remain dominant above Gaara's peaked curiosity. For the second time, Gaara tried fight down the temptation to prove his existence. Shukaku sneered at Gaara's sudden interest, but after a while, it relented and let Gaara release Seki from the coffin that was squeezing the life out of her. Seki felt a rush of air as the sand slid back into the gourd, noticing grimly that there were some grazes caused by the sand's rough handling.
Why? Why is he calling back his sand?
Seki coughed several times, trying to breath normally as the thought raced in her mind. She frowned and attempted to call out to Gaara, but she hadn't caught her breath, so she used her own chakra to push air into her lungs.
"Ga-Gaara! Wait!" Seki knew it was a risky thing to do, but she went ahead anyway and reached out for Gaara's sash. The sand immediately rose to block her, but Seki prepared beforehand and used her wind chakra to cover herself totally, avoiding the sand's deathgrip.
Gaara barely had time to register the fact that someone was holding on to his sash as he did a shunshin, and disappeared away from the village of the Sand, with Seki.
-
In the middle of the desert, the sun could be seen slowly dropping towards the sand dunes, casting bright warm hues of orange, yellow and pink onto the sand. Waves appeared as the wind blew gently on the sea of sand, until a few of them were interrupted by two figures materializing in the middle of a sand dune.
Seki let go of Gaara's sash, the sand finally retreating at the absence of the "threat" she had posed. The wind shield Seki had covered her body with also disappeared, leaving Seki breathless. She had to use a large amount of chakra to protect herself from the pounding sand, leaving her weak and tired.
Just like the end of my trainings.
You ain't that strong, ain't ya?
The hell with you, I don't need you now.
Well, at least I am honest, ne?
Shut up.
Seki thought angrily, but soon pushed it to the back of her mind. The main thing she was trying to concentrate on, was currently walking away, find a spot to sit on the sand as it cooled down. Seki shakily got up and stumbled over to where Gaara was frowning in concentration. His eyes turned towards Seki as she collapsed beside him, breathing heavily.
"Why aren't you afraid of me?"
Seki used her hand to control the heaving of her chest and blinked at the red head beside her.
"Huh?"
"... Why?"
"I... What's there to be afraid of?"
Gaara's mouth fell open as he gazed at the girl as if she was crazy. Seki remained nonchalant and admired the surprisingly beautiful view. Gaara debated with himself whether he wanted to tell the first person who didn't run away from him after Yashamaru, exactly why she should. But Seki was the first to open her mouth.
"Is that why, you're so sad?"
Gaara turned away from Seki, still wondering if he should explain the reasons he was shunned in the village.
"Because people are afraid of you? Are you, lonely?"
Soft red eyes glimmered at the rising moon as Seki gave Gaara a grim smile. Gaara took a sideways glance at her, nodding his head at the slightest bit. Seki looked down at their hands, only an inch away, but she knew that the moment she reached out, the sand would block her, regardless of Gaara's will. She sighed.
So near yet so far, huh?
Admitting your feelings now, Seki-chaan?
Since when do you use affectionate suffixes?
Since you stopped being a baka, baka.
Shaking her head, Seki stopped her inner debate and looked up at Gaara, surprising herself as she met teal colored pupils, this time not cold, but in need. She smiled comfortingly and hugged her legs as the temperature dropped. The red sun set even lower behind the dunes, darkening the sky as the stars came out one by one. Seki awed at its beauty, softly saying, "I never saw this many stars the last time."
"Its the new moon, there's not enough light to block out the stars now."
"Really? Amazing," Seki murmured. She gave Gaara a genuine smile and, although he had long been immune to the cold air in the desert at night, he no longer felt as cold as before. He would've given her a smile too, if he hadn't still been wondering why she was still hanging around him. Not to mention it would be his first smile in 6 years. Gaara decided to just enjoy the silence.
Seki however, had another idea.
"So you can read emotions too, ne?"
"..."
"Through people's eyes?" Seki explained, pointing two fingers to her own red pupils. Gaara blinked, then shook his head. Seki opened her mouth to ask how he knew she wasn't afraid of him, but he answered before she could.
"Only fear."
"Oh."
Silence ensued as the wind continued to slap against Seki's bare arms. She felt goosebumps and regretted not buying a cloak when she went shopping. A sandy arm wrapped itself around Seki, which was, although itchy, warm nonetheless. Seki grinned, knowing who it was and whispered a soft "Arigatou," before closing her eyes, sleep slowly taking over...
"How?"
... Too slow. Seki resisted a groan and peered through her heavy eyelids. Gaara was looking interested for once, and... Was that envy?
"Nani?"
"How do you," Gaara hesitated. Seki reached out, making sure to go extremely slow, and rested her hand on his. The sand guard didn't go up, but she still felt sand.
Probably an armor, Seki thought, pitying Gaara. He probably hasn't gotten hurt before. Seki nodded encouragingly, and Gaara continued his question, "... How do you, read emotions?"
"Hn. I have seen people with many different emotions, and how their eyes look when they express a particular one. It's quite simple if you looked carefully."
"Show me."
Seki snapped her head from the view in front of her to Gaara. He looked at her with expression, but his eyes told a different story. Seki cocked her head to the right and examined the many emotions swirling in the dark rimmed eyes.
"Yours is, complicated. You have 2 kinds of emotions."
"... Ni?"
"Hai. At first glance, I see hunger, a thirst to prove yourself. But then, if I look for a while longer..."
"..."
"... loneliness. Helplessness. Pleading eyes, that just want to be loved regardless."
That sounds kinda familiar, ne?
Quiet, please.
Alright, I don't want to you to feel worse. Take care, Seki-chan.
Seki's inner voice disappeared on its own for once, but contrary to what it claimed, Seki felt worse. A lot worse, as she heard her own words again, which reflected on herself. Her own hidden emotions.
Gaara's face showed little difference in expression, but he felt his heart beating faster. He gripped it, willing it to slow down as he watched the girl in front of him curl up in a ball again, trying to warm herself against the piercing, cold winds. Commanding his sand to wrap her again, Gaara suddenly realised he never felt his heart after his uncle's death. He could feel the beating, the pounding, the proof that he was alive.
"Gaara?"
Gaara looked up at Seki, noticing that her lips were looking paler than usual. He willed the sand to wrap her closer.
"Why do you, want to prove your existence..."
Seki felt fatigue trying to take over, but she needed some answers from Gaara as well. After tonight, who knew when she would get a chance to sit him down like this?
Gaara raised an invisible eyebrow as he watched Seki's determination to fight off the sleep she desperately wanted. He didn't know how sleep felt, but it was something people normally needed.
Normal.
He set his mouth in a thin line and explained shortly, "I need a reason to live, or it would be the same as me being dead. By killing people who want to kill me, I recognize my reason to live. My existence will remain. "
"I... didn't want... to kill you..."
"You would want to someday."
"No, I... wouldn't. You... knew that..."
Gaara turned away. He felt something tug his heart.
"How do I know? People I thought cared about me, in the end agreed to assassinate me," Gaara spat out bitterly, his mind battling to keep his memories buried. Seki was close to being unconscious, but even she could hear the desperation. He wanted to know if she was true. He wanted to know if she was real.
"I... will not... kill you..."
Gaara looked into Seki. Not at her, into.
Her eyes.
"You, are telling the truth?"
Seki nodded, smiling the biggest she could before she fainted.
Yes, fainted.
-
Gaara could not understand how he felt. He wanted to get back to his house and meditate. He wanted to forget his past and bury them at the back of his mind. He wanted to get rid of everything he felt tonight.
No, not everything.
Gaara heard Shukaku laugh mockingly, taunting him. It was challenging Gaara again, like it had over the years. It dared Gaara to believe her, to take this impossible risk. To trust, this fantasy.
Gaara crushed his palms on his ears, to plug out the Shukaku. It was useless of course, since he was part of Gaara. His mind started to fill with pictures of an hour ago, when his sand felt her chakra levels deplete despite her not doing anything. Gaara had then transported them back to the village, to Keimyou's house. He hadn't been there for several years now, but he remembered the way. Keimyou had invited him in after he brought Seki, but Gaara refused, deciding to just explain what had happened. However, his conversation with Keimyou after that – albeit Keimyou was the only one talking – was the one that stayed in his mind.
-
"Seki's chakra levels were already low when she was freezing, so its a miracle she survived. Arigatou, Gaara."
Gaara gave a curt nod, and turned to leave.
"Gaara!"
Gaara looked back at Keimyou, who seemed rather amused.
"Arigatou, for caring and protecting Seki."
-
Love is expressed by caring for and protecting that important person.
Love? Gaara thought ridiculously. No, I just didn't feel like killing her. That's all. Gaara decided and arrived on the roof top of his 'home'.
Love yourself, and fight only for yourself.
His own words, as if printed on the insides of his eyelids as Gaara closed his eyes to meditate.
Only for himself.
"Are you, lonely?"
-
A/N: Alright, this is the result after some editing. I really don't want to steer too much away from the original storyline. I hope you guys still enjoy this as much. I'll try to make up for this slow chapter in the next one. In the meantime, review for this poor, sickly JE. Pretty please?