A/N: Hi hi hi! Sorry for the late update, but I have been busy doing school stuff, extra activities and all thatthings school make us do. I'm so sad that Gaara is no longer in the picture for the anime. Hopefully, people still read my fic. Haha.

And yes, if you guys did notice, I'm posting this in dedication for Gaara's birthday today! Yay! Happy birthday Gaara! Even though this chapter is a little ironic because its especially heartbreaking for him and Seki. I hope you will read it, and maybe review if it made you feel their pain too. That was my goal, XD

Okay, on with chapter 18!

-

Hurting

Seki had been hurting for a while now, so she had no idea why she felt so much worse.

It took a whole day before she felt the effects of leaving Sunagakure no Sato, a place she had already unconsciously regarded as her home. Her heart would wrench in different shapes, and she could feel the muscle twisting, even though it was still pumping blood and oxygen to her vital organs. It was amazing how much pain she could feel from such a small part of her body. Seki would grip her chest so tightly her uncle would pry her fingers away, for fear that she would actually injure herself. And after a few minutes, Seki's hand would automatically fly back to that throbbing left part of her chest, trying to ease the painful feeling inside.

Her tears would flow non-stop as well, like floodgates opened and broken in the process. There was nothing to stop her eyes from welling with salty water, and she hardly bothered to open her eyes for she could see nothing but blur mist anyway.

Her uncle was kind enough to rent an old carriage, even though it slowed down their journey, in order to let Seki rest. He doubted that she could walk on her own and requested a few people to come and fetch them en route to Takigakure no Sato.

One of them was a young teenager named Tomiro, older than Seki . The first time she saw him, he asked her if she needed a handkerchief to wipe her tears. At that time, the brown haired girl had no idea she was still crying. An uncontrollable sob escaped her lips and many followed after that, rendering her speechless. Tomiro apologized, but did not hear her voice until several weeks later, for after she reached Takigakure, she neither ate nor drank, let alone relieve herself. Seki locked herself inside a room and refused to leave it.

Keimyou was kind enough to bring her things into her room, but realized it was a mistake to leave her souvenirs that reminded her exactly what she had left behind. He was not sure what had really provoked her to insanity, but after she had exhausted all the stamina she had left, Keimyou surveyed the destroyed wooden furniture and found tiny shards of glass not easily found in Takigakure in between some of them.

This went on for quite some time: Seki would keep to herself, not speaking to anyone at all, and at random moments, unleash the monstrosity within her until her surroundings were thoroughly and fully destroyed. This caused a lot of tension within the village, so much so Tomiro had to specially build a house for them deep inside the forest behind Takigakure. Since they were still in the vicinity, many villagers were wary of Seki, although they hardly saw her in broad day light. Tomiro managed to get them some sort of protection as well, at least Keimyou knew that no one would find Seki easily when Takigakure itself was hidden from others.

Seki grew thin and frail, limbs hardly any muscle. Yet when she was found in her periods of insanity, her strength and skills had not deteoriated in the least. And her anger was never appeased, only returning to her normal form after her stamina was used and gone.

As Keimyou carried his niece back into the house, from the cave he found her in, a piece of his own heart broke off at the sight of her lifeless figure. He knew when she opened her eyes, this would not change either. Her red eyes no longer twinkled with delight, and even her magenta eyes were blank, filled only with an intent to kill. Everything about her seemed to be fading away

At the back of his mind, the worried guardian wondered whether a certain redhead fared any better back at Sunagakure.

-

"No, no, please, I won't do it again!"

"You don't belong in this world."

"No, have mercy, I beg of you!"

"Die, filthy human," Gaara's voice stated, his tone low and deadly as his sand crushed his eleventh victim for the week. Only the blood staining the sand could be seen under the moonlight, and Gaara kept his stoic expression as the sand filled back into his gourd.

"Midori..." The redhead's head turned slowly to the side to see a crying brunette kneeling not far from the place Gaara had killed the thief. Even if he wasn't stealing something, the youngest of the Sand Siblings knew everyone would hate him for killing another villager. It was coincidence, but every thief, every person good or bad, had someone. Gaara looked at the woman's eyes, which was filled with sadness. It was strange, for once she wasn't looking at him and directing her anger at him. She was merely upset at the death of her precious person.

As soon as the thought came through his head, a rain of voices pummeled into his brain. Gaara gripped his head hard, and shunshin as far away from the village as he could. Once there, he destroyed huge columns of sand in order to vent his sudden anger.

She lied. She left. She didn't trust me. She wasn't my friend!

Words such as these repeated over and over again, trying to block out the soft, melodious voice that used to make Gaara's head lift up in order to see the source. He gritted his teeth beneath his sand armor, making it slightly thicker for no other reason than just trying to use up chakra. As more sand broke and fell above him, the Suna genin glanced at the half moon in the sky. The winds were cold and brushed his armor, so he could feel none of the chill.

But his heart was already frozen, and every time he found more anger to vent, it cracked just a little, making his mind go crazy and overwhelming his sense to kill.

"Gaara!" A female voice, the last voice he wanted to hear, sounded from behind him, and said genin flung around vehemently, venom dripping over his words as he snapped back, "What?"

"Gaara, please come home," Temari pleaded, Kankurou behind her, silent but looking as disgusted as all the villagers he had seen this week.

"I have no home, get out of my face," Gaara replied icily, and was surprisingly excited to see Kankurou stiffen at his tone.

"Don't talk like that to her!"

"Do you think you can talk like that to me?"

"Why, you...!"

Gaara sneered as the puppet welder charged forward, ignoring Temari's shouts to retreat, and was met with a mouthful of sand almost as hard as rock. Kankurou coughed up the crimson liquid Gaara wanted to see, and felt the Shukaku within him shiver with incredible delight. He felt high, and almost happy at the sight of his brother getting hurt. So he continued to use his sand to punch him, kick him in the guts, until Kankurou looked almost close to death and collapsed, unconscious. The thrill from seeing him in pain wasted, Gaara shifted his gaze to Temari, who was frozen solid at where she had been at the start.

"Gaara, please," her voice soft, the red haired teenager could barely see the tiny tears she was shedding under the dark night. The way her eyes communicated was with fear and concern at the same time. But Gaara was almost sure the concern was not for his life.

He spun away, stomping as hard as he could on the soft sand to another quiet area where he could satisfy his hunger. He knew of a small village near the edge of the Wind Country, and with the malicious Shukaku licking its drunken lips inside him, he set off into the night with a sudden burst of speed.

-

Seki felt the cool walls of the cave, time passing so slowly she could almost feel her tears evaporating off her face. Once she was aware her uncle was no where near her range of attacks, she breathed easier, glad that he would not be here if she turned insane again.

The thought made Seki choke slightly, a dull ache in her heart making itself known. The kunoichi was aware of her constant insane periods, sometimes she even welcomed it, as Nibi took over her mind and controlled her movements. She didn't have to think, to remember. But as her stamina was exhausted each time, last minute regrets formed and she became aware of the lives she had taken. Her will was no longer as strong, and she had no desire to be a better person anymore.

"What's the point of trying to be a good person? No one would believe you anyway," Seki mumbled, wrapping her arms around her knees and placing her head on top of them. Its not fair.

"So you're giving up?" Seki's head lifted up immediately, hand nearly grabbing her kunai until she realized it was Tomiro. She sighed and placed her head down again, listening to the sound of shuffling feet and someone sitting down.

"Leave me alone."

"You are, aren't you?"

"..."

"God, you're so stupid," Brown hair flying as Seki's head shot up, Tomiro tried to look calm even as he watched boiling anger form within Seki's red eyes. He had no intent on insulting his savior's niece, but after days of watching her waste her life away, he needed to wake her up.

At least, for the sake of Keimyou, who was obviously suffering inside.

"You've been moping and crying and just tormenting yourself over something as trivial as shifting of homes. What was so nice about Sunagakure that made you hate to come here? Do you know your petty attitude of yours is making Keimyou worried? Or, are you so lost in your own self-pity that you've forgotten the people who actually care for you-"

"I didn't forget him!" Seki snapped, eyes burning with angry tears. "You have no idea what it was like there! You have no idea how hard it is to lose my home, my family, again! You have no idea what it is like to be me, so shut your mouth and leave me alone if I'm so stupid!" Tomiro stood up so fast Seki nearly hit the wall behind her. She choked back on a sob that tried to come out, her pride getting in the way of her tears as it stopped flowing. She thought that Tomiro was nice, but here he was being such a jerk, saying things with that horrible tone, as if she was so weak, pathetic.

"Unfortunately, I can't be embarrassed because I do know what it is like to lose your family. But I'm sorry you had to experience it once more. And I know I will never know what it is to be like you, because you're obviously giving up."

"I am not giving up!"

"Yes, you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"The Houseki Raion I knew from what Keimyou told me before was a strong-willed girl who never let anyone's opinions affect her way of living life! Her determination was so strong she was willing to suffer anything just so she can be a shinobi, to right the wrongs and to be a good person! She was hardworking, confident and considerate of everyone around her! So yes, I do not know what it is like to be you, because I think I am more like Houseki Raion than a loser like you! Hey!"

Tomiro grabbed air as Seki leaped away from the cave and further into the forest. She could sense Tomiro's chakra behind her, but sped up in an attempt to lose him. She knew she could do it, and when he was finally out of range, she dropped down to the base of a tree to rest. She panted slightly, having not done any exercise at all since coming to Takigakure. The only reason she was still fit was because the Nibi made sure she worked all her muscles while she was insane.

Seki smiled grimly at the irony, but it slid off her face as Tomiro's words came ringing back into her mind. She bit her lip, trying to stop the floodgates.

And suddenly, she really felt stupid. She could not remember ever crying so much, and over what? Gaara? Sunagakure? Even as those memories pricked her brain, Seki kept her thoughts running in her head.

What was she doing? Why was she like this now? She couldn't understand why it hurt so much to leave her home back in the Sand. Was it because she lost the chance to take part in the Chuunin exams? Her chance to prove herself?

Haruhi's right, Seki thought, I am giving up. I've given on everything, just using the excuse of leaving Sunagakure to stop training and stop working hard. I've made Keimyou so worried! Seki hugged her knees to herself, her heart wrenching at the thought of her uncle, the only relative she had, and here she was, taking advantage of his love. She felt so disgusted at herself, at her pathetic, weak self. In a fit of anger, she thrusted her palms to the tree in front of her, a horizontal tornado instantly forming and tunnelling into the tree bark. The attack was over in a matter of seconds. It happened so quick, even Seki was surprised.

Since when was I this fast? Seki looked at her palms, blinking in shock.

"Ah! My babies!"

Seki looked up, alarmed at the sudden presence of a stranger and rushed over, hoping she hadn't really killed anyone.

"Is everything okay?"

"Look at what you've done!" A girl with copper-red hair, almost half the height of Seki (which was saying a lot, Seki was only 152cm) was panicking over something colourful, crushed under the gigantic tree trunk. Seki felt her heart lurch, quickly summoning her chakra onto her palms and pressing them under the tree trunk and lifting it off the ground. She threw it aside, the trunk landing with a loud "THUMP!" and quickly looked down to examine the damage done.

"Ahh, my flowers! What's wrong with you, suddenly destroying trees out of nowhere?! My dad's a shinobi and he will so kick your butt once he finds out about this!"

"You... You were yelling about your carnations?" Seki muttered, staring wide-eyed at the 'babies' the red-head was so distraught about. Obviously, she didn't like Seki's skeptical tone and huffed.

"They're not just carnations! They're my babies! I've been growing them since I was 5 and I was going to bring them for show and tell tomorrow! They are so hard to grow in Takigakure, carnations grow better in dryer countries, and you just destroyed the- What's so funny?" The girl looked at Seki weirdly, who was shaking furiously in giggles.

She had no idea what come over her, but somewhere in between the relief of not killing someone, and her reaction when she thought she did, Seki managed to grab enough sense to calm down her giggles and face the young girl, still staring at her. She did not seem to be mad at Seki anymore, but rather, was watching her reaction curiously, like she was some new animal she had discovered.

"My name is Chikako."

"Seki," Seki replied, shaking the small girl's hand after she had recovered. Chikako nodded gravely, as if Seki's name seemed to be an important note. Seki smiled at her expression, and watched as Chikako suddenly started to look around for something.

"Did you drop anything?"

"No, I'm looking for any carnation that didn't get wrecked by your clumsiness."

"Clumsiness?"

"Obviously, you're too weird to be a shinobi, so you must have accidentally knocked the tree down," satisfied with her explanation, Chikako continued to dig through the fallen pieces of wood for her precious carnation. Seki chuckled slightly and looked around too.

This went on for a few silent minutes, and Seki felt content at this simple act of looking. She knew what she was looking for, and didn't have to worry about what happened later. It was pure bliss, to not think about anything. The only downside was that Seki knew it wouldn't last forever.

"I found one!" Chikako exclaimed, holding up a pink carnation that seemed to be floating in the air. Seki smiled gently, watching the pink flower move in the slight breeze and Chikako's waving. She watched the happy little girl celebrate her achievement, her content in such a little joy and longed for it as well.

Chikako must have noticed Seki's smile had disappeared, for in a moment, she was right beside the teenager, and pressing the delicate little pink carnation that was Chikako's treasure, onto her palm. Without letting Seki retaliate, Chikako let out a string of sentences, "Don't worry, I can find something else for show and tell. Its such a dumb thing to do in a shinobi school anyway. I don't know why they are teaching us these because good shinobis should be learning how to fight instead of how to present their show and tell. You look kind of sad, and since you don't seem to have any friends, I'll be your friend. Except, recently mum didn't allow me to go out so often so I might not see you in a while, because I snuck out. So here's a little farewell gift, a pink carnation means "I'll never forget you". You can give it to someone else if you want, but I just want you to know I won't forget you Seki."

And a smile.

Seki unconsciously brought her hand to her chest, the hurting left part suddenly easing a little. She pulled Chikako to herself, hugging her tightly and cried when the young red-head innocently did the same.

-

Gaara knelt on the ground, his hands gripping the strands of his soft red hair, trying to pull it out of his noisy head. He cried out into the night, and panted heavily, opening one eye to see the path of corpses he had just caused a few minutes ago.

Kill. Hurt. Crush. Destroy.

These weaklings are nothing to you. And you are nothing to them.

You are a bakemono.

Gaara might have shed tears if it was possible for him, and even if he did, no one would've seen it. Hidden beneath his armor, his mask, Gaara suddenly felt vulnerable. He was invincible, he was the most talented and most feared shinobi of the sand. But he was messed up inside.

Everything was flowing to the front of his eyes. Maybe it was the silence, the emptiness of the night, the loneliness eating away his soul; his memories were right in front of, displaying themselves so clearly Gaara almost felt he was reliving them once more. Yashamaru, Kazekage, Temari, Kankurou, Keimyou and Seki flew by slowly, yet quickly. As if a glass splinter was working its way into his body, Gaara felt the pain of hurting.

Not because of loneliness.

Not because of his dangerous self.

Not because of the monster within him.

But because of the feeling of being left behind.

He was hated, so he should hate. He was not loved, so he loved himself. People fought him, and he fought himself. No one was there for him. No one will ever be there for him. They will just be there, waiting for him to kill them one by one.

Yes, that's it, Gaara thought, recalling similar words he had told a girl the first night she arrived in the Sand.

His existence meant nothing to anyone.

And no one meant anything to him.

He was alone.

-

"Chikako!"

Seki and Chikako looked up from their embrace, and saw a beautiful young woman gracefully walking over. Seki stood up politely, and was about to greet the woman when she recognized her face. It was a villager whose friend she had brutally murdered a few days ago. Seki did not recall the friend's face, but when she was conscious and dragged out to the village market by Keimyou, that same woman had started screaming at her, calling her names and hurling insults that Seki had let slide past her that time. Keimyou never brought her out again.

"Chikako! Come here right now!" Seki watched her face turn from a frown, to confusion, and to horror. Chikako was puzzled at her facial expressions as well, but before she could say anything, the woman had dashed over and snatched Chikako away, pulling her as far as possible before inspecting her every inch of her body.

Seki felt like she was slapped, and observing the woman's lips, she could tell that she was explaining to Chikako who she was and why she shouldn't be with me. It would have been bearable if Chikako had not turned to look at her, shocked and confused, as if asking, "Why did you lie to me?"

I didn't lie! I didn't, I... I was..

You let an innocent little girl come near you, when you were so susceptible to insanity. You endangered her life. Aren't you just a bakemono, ki-chan?

Seki could only remember Chikako's screams.

-

A/N: Hello again! Hope you like this chapter. It was actually pretty rushed because I watned to post something up on gaara's birthday, but I realized I had typed out chapter 19, 20 but not 18!!

Please, please like it! Crunchyroll has a story writing competition and I want to enter it! XD Review even if you don't like it, I need OPINIONNNNS.

Chikako – Child of wisdom
Tomiro – Fortunate child

I like the name eh? ;D

-JE