Chapter 17
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"Will you even be able to walk?" Will asked, astonished at the height of Saskia's heels as the woman came down the stairs with the shoes in hand.
The forest green pantsuit was fitted perfectly to her measurements, almost like they were sculpted onto her, Will noted when she had turned around to sit down at the couch to put her shoes on. She hadn't yet put on the jacket, leaving her in the trousers and a black silk blouse with a plunging neckline to show off her cleavage and part of the green bralette she chose to wear underneath. The plunge stopped an inch or two above the high waistline of her trousers.
"I wouldn't wear them if I couldn't walk, Will," She said, easily lacing up the black, lita heels. "Is Hannibal ready?"
"He's still wondering where the hell we're going to warrant these outfits," Will pulled slightly at the black turtle neck. He wore suit pants and polished shoes, his hair slicked back a bit but curling at the ends.
"Well," Saskia mused, coming up to him to undo the neck of the turtleneck because she didn't like how he folded it. She folded the length, then once more to create a perfect, smooth neckline. "It is his birthday, I felt it warranting a good dinner and event."
"For yours, we did a simple dinner," Will pulled at the turtleneck again. "Why can't we do that again?"
She rolled her eyes, slapping his hands away from the neckline. "I'm not going to let him cook, plus I don't like my birthday anyway."
"Why?"
"Just don't. Never was overly fond of the day my mum pushed me out,"
He laughed at that, nodding, "When you put it like that, understandable."
Saskia pulled the sleeve of her left arm up, showing off the rose gold smartwatch she donned. "We've got about twenty minutes before we need to leave, traffic isn't supposed to be too bad tonight."
When she went to put the sleeve back, Will stopped her. He held her by the lower wrist, taking the watch off to look at the three shallow cuts. They had begun to completely heal, leaving very few scabs against the lines. The scars would fade with the rate she healed. This was only done a few days ago and yet looked at least a week or two old. He traced them with his thumb before he realised what he did.
Saskia chuckled as Will let her wrist go, easily putting the watch back on. When he went to apologize, she shook her head. "It's fine. I'm not bothered by it."
"I'm still… irritated that you had to do that because of your emotional turmoil,"
"We are three people who are good at psychological manipulation and who despise talking about our feelings," Saskia said, looking to her watch again. "Do you think I have time to do my hair?"
"Isn't already done?" He asked, looking at the curling waves she had added in. It looked smooth and soft, looking a little too close to being silk. It hazardly fell around her, looking a little too messy for her liking but he liked it very much, it reminded him of the vacation a week prior and Christmas.
"I want to see if I can put my hair up in some sort of ponytail," Saskia said, her feet already taking her upstairs.
Ten minutes later, Saskia stood before her bathroom mirror swearing. One side of her hair was fine, pinned back to do a french twist but the side that was going to be the twist refused to lay proper and kept sticking out too much.
When both men came in to see what was taking her so long to finish, she pouted in defeat. Will shook his head in amusement but Hannibal smiled and came over to help her.
Curse him.
He, somehow, managed to get her hair into a sort of french twist at the nape of her neck and allowed two pieces to frame her face. The look was gorgeous and showed off the simple earrings.
Hannibal swatted her hand away when she went for a necklace, making her let him put it on as it was easier. The silver was cold, dropping to her below her breasts because of how long the layered necklace was. The first bit was close to her neck, almost resembling a loose choker. The second was a little longer, stopping at the middle of her sternum. The third stopped at the bottom of her sternum but had a dangling obsidian pendant that was cold against her skin.
"No nails?" He asked, watching her grab a tinted lipstick and apply it.
"No," She finished her look off with a dash of mascara because she didn't want to wear a full face tonight. "I didn't feel like getting them done again. Are we ready now?"
"Yes," Hannibal said, nodding to Will by the door. "Is Countess coming with us?"
"I think I'll be fine without her tonight," Saskia nodded to herself before taking a good look at Hannibal and Will then herself. She laughed in disbelief at what each of them was wearing.
"What's funny, Saskia?"
She gestured to each of them and herself. "What do you notice when you look at all three of us?"
"We're—" Will shook his head as he realised, his hand raking against the stubble against his chin and jaw. "We're wearing the same colour again."
Hannibal paused, looking down at his own outfit. The main part of his outfit was a dark charcoal suit with a black shirt and a dark green waistcoat, the same shade of green Saskia and Will also wore.
Will had the forethought to bring the coats upstairs to make sure they didn't forget them in their haste to leave. His shade of green was his scarf draped around his neck. He shook his head as he passed both of them their coats, his already was on.
Being ever the gentleman, Hannibal helped Saskia into her long coat before Will helped Hannibal put his coat on.
Hanniball had to sit in the back of the Range Rover because Saskia didn't want him to see the place they were going to. All Saskia told him was that he would enjoy the evening and no, no one was going to die.
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The restaurant was beautiful and fancy to a certain degree. This was the type of place you had to have a reservation to even be allowed into the doors, and if you weren't dressed correctly, as in you had to be dressed in a semi formal fashion to get inside. Even those of celebrity status had to confine to those rules.
They had a seat near on the window side. The researnat sat on a cliff with windows overlooking a nearby city. Most of the furniture was a rustic brown leather, smooth to the touch and soft to fit on. There was lounge seating to one area of the place near the bar in the corner, but they were escorted to a table seating four with mahogany tables and chairs.
Hannibal was impressed with the selection of the wine at the restaurant, ordering a Clos Sainte Hune Riesling from the dark menu.
"The Japanese Wagyu RibEye sounds nice," Will said, watching as Hannibal trailed a finger down the items of the menu until it landed on the item he spoke about. Will looked to Saskia who sat across from Hannibal, leaving the seat next to her empty. "What are you going to have?"
"Hmm?" Saskia turned her gaze from outside to the menu, her finger tapping against the item she wanted. "Pittsburgh style steak salad, without the steak."
When the waiter came to take orders, they were dressed cleanly in a red button up and black trousers, a black waistcoat over it with a tiny pager attached to a breast pocket. A small tablet sent off their orders while a man brought out the wine, pouring each of them a glass.
They were left alone with the bottle.
Will looked at the extensive array of silverware in front of him. "Why do we need so many forks and knives when one of each would do?"
"Soup spoon, salad knife, fish knife, meat knife," Saskia stated, gesturing to each piece of silverware as she counted them off. "Meat fork, fish fork, salad fork. Bread dish and butter knife. Dessert spoon and fork. Water glass, red wine glass, white wine glass, champagne flute."
Hannibal smiled as Will gave her a shocked look before shaking his head.
"My stepfather made sure I knew my stuff if I needed to," Saskia shrugged, tasting the dry wine and finding it alright to drink. She wasn't a wine kind of person, preferring something that burned instead. "I was the only one of my sisters to actually take in those lessons."
"You do have some high class events to go to," Will nodded.
"Mostly because of my money."
"How did you meet the Crows? I never asked but they seemed quite welcoming towards you at the party," Will looked at her as he spoke. "It looked like you knew their son too."
"I was doing a lecture at one of the universities in California, I spoke about psychology and how you can use it in your writing to get inside the characters' minds," Saskia said, pausing as the food was placed in front of them. She untucked the napkin and placed it on her lap before continuing. "The Crows have a daughter, mid twenties now, she took the lecture and found it very intriguing. Her parents loved the fact that she was doing something she loved, writing books. I met her parents at her graduation and got invited to the dinner which included many other students and their families."
"You are quite the social butterfly, Saskia," Hannibal mused.
"I move around social groups, creating a new version of myself that would fit in perfectly with them," Saskia said, biting into a long sliver of a cucumber. "It's exhausting to create a mask all the time and a new one for each person you meet."
"Do you wear a mask with us?"
Saskia paused her fork before it got to her mouth, dropping it gently back to the plate before drinking a bit more of her wine. Her left hand twitched, turning left before returning back to its proper position on the table.
"I thought we already had this conversation a few days ago," Saskia curtly said, her tone soft with an edge as her British accent came out in her slight annoyance.
"I want to hear it from your lips however," Will said.
"If you truly wanted the answer," Saskia allowed her fingers to tap against the table in an orderly manner. "You wouldn't have asked it somewhere I couldn't react properly. In such a public place, it isn't proper for us to discuss this. The Japanese think that everyone has three faces; one we show to everyone; one we show to close friends and family; and one we show to no one. You have seen all three."
Hannibal interrupted before Will could ask another question. "Enough of this. Saskia is right, this isn't the place to speak of this. Is there a time limit for us staying here?"
Saskia nodded. "No, but I have something planned after this."
"Hmm? Will you tell me what it is?"
She smiled. "A private opera is doing a showing and I thought you might like to watch it."
"And which opera will be showing?"
"Vide Cor Meum," She said. "I think it means see my heart or something. I heard it is supposed to be beautiful especially with a live orchestra."
"Dinner and music," Will muttered. "How clever."
Saskia stiffened. "We all have different tastes. Yours is fishing and dogs, mine is books and fighting, Hannibal's is music and fine dining. Which reminds me, Hannibal, you're turning forty seven at midnight. Getting old now, aren't you?"
Hannibal's lip twerked up as he ate, watching the hostility between Will and Saskia increase and then almost vanish.
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The music was soulful and echoed chillingly as the audience and singers sat under a clear canopy. They sat outside in a beautiful courtyard area, covered by the canopy as a small trickle of snow descended. It would be the last snow for a while so the private opera had decided to take the music outside so it would set a fitting setting for the emotions it would bring.
There was something about sound that Saskia just loved.
She might not have perfect pitch, but she could tell which note matched another note by simply listening. She couldn't name them, her mind didn't connect that but it connected the notes to the vibrations within the air as they sang. Vocal cords resonated the notes with such clarity that Saskia wanted to close her eyes and simply listen.
With how keen her hearing was, she heard each change, each note, each emotion they let out, each thump every time a heartbeat gave, each rush of blood from the audience.
She knew Hannibal was enjoying it, he liked his music but she was surprised to see Will calm and taking in the music with eagerness.
Will didn't usually like to sit in crowds of people and listen, but this was different. No one spoke or made sounds. He could only hear music and the soul in the voices. He felt Hannibal's hand on his left knee, making sure that Will was comfortable and knew he was here with them.
Something changed in Saskia.
Both men stiffened as they felt it as Saskia shivered visibly before slouching a little more, wrapping her coat around herself so she didn't feel so exposed.
She no longer felt comfortable. Her heart was too hard in her chest but steady, feeling like it would rip itself jaw was tight and she kept bouncing her knee as she twisted the ring on her thumb. She twisted it so vigorously enough times to make the skin turn a little pink.
Will stopped her, holding her left hand in his right until she twisted his hand so the palm faced up. She traced the curves and crevices of his palm, feeling the pulse in his hand and letting calm overcome the anxiety.
"It's almost finished," Will whispered, letting himself sink back into the seat as he knew Saskia was fine next to him. He turned to Hannibal. "We should have brought Countess."
"No," Saskia whispered back. "I'm having withdrawal symptoms right now."
This caused Will to glare at Hannibal through the corner of his eyes. He couldn't believe that Hannibal had been drugging Saskia since christmas but he wasn't surprised when he found out, only a little angry.
Will knew what being messed with mentally could do to a person. If Will hadn't been advised to go to the doctors, he could have lost part of himself because of the mini seizures and migraines he kept getting.
Hannibal tried to manipulate him when they first met, but eventually Will caught on and decided to play the game too. The manipulation stopped because they were able to finally figure out what was happening between themselves. It didn't stop Hannibal from trying to manipulate Abigail and then later Saskia.
Neither realised that Saskia was just as good at manipulation as they were.
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After that, they headed home.
Hannibal was driving the range rover as Will sat in the back with Saskia. She gone a little pale and wouldn't stop shivering, goosebumps lining her skin as they drove back home. Will allowed to lay her head on his shoulder, keeping her steady as they cracked a window for some fresh air.
"Alana's going to notice," Will said.
Saskia closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat and voice rumbling in his chest. "I'll tell her that I got food posioning tonight. How long do you supposed I'll feel like shit, Hannibal?"
"If you drink a detox tonight, you should be fine within a day or two. There wasn't a need for me to drug you anymore but I forgot about the side effects of the withdrawal." Hannibal's knuckles were white against the steering wheel. "Didn't you feel any difference of self when you went to Lithuania?"
"She seemed jittery for the first day or two," Will stated, moving his arm as Saskia leaned closer to his warmth as a sudden array of chills went over her. "She was very much blood thirsty during the two weeks."
"I was…" Saskia muttered, yawning before opening her eyes to look outside for a second before closing them again. "It felt good to let that side of me out. I think the sedative stopped me from being aggressive but my mind was fuzzy all the time. I hated it."
"You hate a lot of stuff,"
"Mostly mushrooms, olives, people, spiders, and my mind being messed with."
Hannibal knew that when he stopped giving her the sedatives, she would react with withdrawal symptoms but not this soon after. With the amount of coffee she drank, she did consume a lot of the powdered drug every day for a few weeks. He was concerned he stopped too soon. Maybe he should have tapered it off but Saskia did state that she hated her mind being messed with. He didn't need to lose her trust so soon after gaining it to the degree he did.
Though Will trusted him more, Hannibal felt comforted by the thought of Saskia caring for them in her own way.
She wasn't a caring person.
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Harumi sat in her small studio apartment at the tiny breakfast bar, watching Saskia going through her poorly filled cupboards with disdain. There was hardly any proper food in there, and since Harumi moved out of her mother's place because she needed to find her own place, rent was chewing away at the already small salary she had.
"Nope," Saskia said, snapping the cupboards closed with a frown. "Not gonna happen on my watch, Haru."
"You know that journalism doesn't pay much," She sighed, her shoulder slumping. "Especially at my position. I literally get told what to write and how my reader should perceive it."
"You've literally got the Syn author in front of you, Harumi," Saskia said, coming to stand before the woman she loved to spar with. "Create a blog and use me as a way to get yourself out there. I'll even be your first interviewee."
"Would you do that for me?"
"Of course," Saskia said it as itf it was a stupid question. "You're one of the people I don't hate, and I want to help anyway. I rather speak to you than Freddie Lounds."
"God, I hate that woman!" Harumi swore, pursing her lips in anger. "She just gets my blood boiling. I understand the public deserved the truth but at the cost of someone's privacy? No!"
Saskia laughed, nodding. "That's why I had her sign an agreement that if she broke, she would land in prison regardless with how I wrote it."
"Law school?"
"I'm due to do my US bar exam in a few weeks," Saskia said and found the bourbon Harumi loved to buy. It was cheap but decent enough so Saskia couldn't complain. "I had to get all of my UK credits passed over for my US license and degree. I've been trying to get the degree for a few years but I haven't had the time to study."
"You better pass it!" Harumi almost shouted at her with sheer determination to make noise. "I can't expect you to do anything less than one hundred percent, Saski, honey!"
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They spoke about the interview and what Harumi should put in her blog, taking a few more hours before Saskia decided to walk home. Harumi didn't live far away from Hannibal's house, so she walked Saskia halfway before she would depart for the shops.
They laughed and talked as the night came, people leaving work late passed them. A paranoid woman, who set Saskia's hair on end because she looked like prey, walked straight into Saskia's shoulder.
Saskia gasped as she felt the sharp pain of a blade as the woman shoved into her. Her hand flew to abdomen before using the other to push the woman away, leaving the knife in her stomach. The woman cackled and cried tears, quickly running away.
"Saskia?" Harumi inquired as Saskia clutched her lower abdomen. "What's— Oh my God!"
"I'm—" Saskia began as she put pressed against the blade to keep the pressure. It felt like a cramp, a deep, painful cramp like the ones she would get every few months, but this time it wasn't caused by her body. The blade felt as if it pierced her uterus area.
She took a step back, curling over the knife a little too much since she could then feel the blood beginning to leak.
Harumi quickly grabbed Saskia by the biceps, watching as she leaned forward and yet almost fell. She quickly got Saskia onto the ground, letting her sit on the cold pavement as Saskia applied pressure and gasped.
"Saskia, what do I do?" Harumi had no clue, she had never been in a position like this.
"Scarf," She gestured to her blanket scarf around her neck. "Pressure to keep blood loss down. Do not remove the knife, will cause me to lose blood quicker. Call an ambulance. Countess, stop whining. Please!"
The dog had quickly leaned to her mistress' side, keeping an eye on her with concern as Saskia applied the scarf around the knife to keep it stable and to keep pressure on the wound.
"Shit," Harumi said as she took in Saskia's appearance now. "You look in pain."
"I have a knife sticking out of my pelvis," Saskia laughed. "It must've hit my uterus. The muscles keep cramping there."
"They'll be here in a few minutes," Harumi said, her eyes flickering to the sparse roads. "We're not far from a hospital but it's too far to walk in your condition. You can't even stand."
"I probably can but with pain," Saskia muttered. "When we get to the hospital, stay with me please."
"Girl, I ain't leaving you alone,"
Saskia brought a hand up to her forehead, rubbing the back of her wrist into her eye as she hissed and flinched. What was going to happen now?
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"A hysterectomy?" Saskia asked, fiddling with her rings again. She kept her eyes down until she nodded, looking to Doctor Bundy and the other doctor he brought in. "Tell me the other options."
"We could take the blade out but we would have to rummage around because of the broken section," Doctor Bundy said, gesturing to the X ray that was put next to her so she could see.
It showed a knife with about an inch of the blade being broken off inside of her. It had pierced her womb, going in before breaking off. The knife itself had been taken out already and she now just had that pesky piece left in her.
"If you leave the broken blade in, it could cause more damage or cause an infection," Saskia muttered to herself. "My chance of having children if you took the whole blade out would decrease anyway, even less if I get an infection with it still in me."
"We can decrease the chance of infection almost completely if we do a hysterectomy, and if we do a full hysterectomy, the chance of cervical cancer would be zero." The other doctor said, nodding her head. "If we just took the metal out, you will more than likely have an infection and disfigurement of the womb. It's best to get rid of it all. Your libidio wouldn't be affected if we leave the ovaries."
Saskia paused and turned to her. "Doctor Knowles, would I be able to keep my ovaries? I'd prefer to not go through menopause early. I've already considered a hysterectomy in my twenties but I wasn't allowed one because I didn't have children and wasn't married."
"The ovaries seemed to be undamaged so they can be left."
"Looks like I'm going to have a hysterectomy then," Saskia chuffed, shaking her head lightly. "Never wanted kids anyway. When can I have the surgery?"
"As soon as possible would be best, Doctor Bundy," Knowles said, looking down at her large tablet. "I'll see if I can move stuff around and get you in tonight."
By the time it turned two in the morning, she was in surgery but she hadn't seen Hannibal nor Will. Harumi had to stay in the waiting area with Countess when the doctors accessed her and the damage. Saskia gave the woman all of her jewelry to look after, saying she wanted them back afterwards with a grin.
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By the next morning, Saskia laid in her hospital bed and refused to open her eyes.
Her eyes were moist but she didn't cry. Not for this. It was the type of teary eyes that you got when you were beginning to realise that you missed something.
The dressings were soft but stiff around her lower abdomen. Her right arm stung because of a needle, she could feel it if she moved her arm, could hear the coursing of liquids into her. She didn't feel any different compared to before, only a dull ache near her belly but that was to be expected.
She had a bit of herself taken out but she didn't feel like she was missing anything.
So many people had put emphasis on children and motherhood in her life, especially her own mother that wanted grandchildren. Her father wanted a grandchild too, but he died before he could ever know that he wouldn't receive one. He received one in the form of an adoptive child as Saskia viewed Abigail as such, or another child as Abigail sometimes acted like a sister to Saskia.
With her womb gone, she had no chance of having children in the future. Physically, she was missing something; mentally, she felt relief because she wouldn't bring a child into a world where they could be hurt.
Saskia was terrified she would treat her own child as her mother treated her.
"We know you're awake," Will's voice sounded, making her smile groggily as she opened her eyes. He stood to one side of the bed behind Hannibal, who sat in the provided chair. Tired and slightly messy, they both looked a little worse for wear but content now. "How do you feel?"
"Like a piece of me was removed," She snickered before trying to sit up from her inclined position.
Hannibal's hand clenched over her left one, it finally registered in her brain. "Don't even think about it, Saskia. You're detained to this bed for the coming week."
"What?" Saskia said, finally getting rid of the cloud in her mind. Her head dropped back to the pillow. "Again? I hate hospitals…"
"You were stabbed with a rusty blade and some of it broke off inside of you," Hannibal inclined his head. "The doctors stated we were your next of kin?"
"If I were to go into a coma," Saskia muttered. "I do not trust my sisters enough to do the right thing. I have a lot of money that will be going disinherited and, by some certain laws, my sisters could take it all. Evelotte would mostly likely tell them to pull the plug straight away."
"Some sisters you have," Will muttered back, his arms loosely crossed before he yawned. "How did this happen? Harumi Jin, your friend I believe, said a woman shoved into you and then proceeded to stab you."
"More or less that's what happened," Saskia looked around, a frown appearing on her face. "Where's Countess?"
Hannibal nodded his chin to the door. "Miss Jin took her for a walk. Countess hasn't slept all night, and she was pacing when you were in surgery."
"How do you know?" She asked.
"Hannibal spent half the night and I spent the other," Will calmly said. "We both stayed until after you got out of surgery. Hannibal knows the chief and was able to get into the gallery since this is a teaching hospital. We wanted to know if you were stable before either of us left."
"You watched them take my uterus out?" Saskia looked shocked, a little surprised but laughed all the same. "You literally saw inside of me then."
She laughed as hard as her wound would let her, which wasn't very much because when she laughed, her pelvis would flex and make her hiss.
"Do you want me to take Countess to Wolf Trap again?" Will asked. "Or do you want her to stay with Hannibal still?"
"Depends if Hannibal wants Countess to go to work with him. That dog will follow you anywhere. My baby!" Saskia almost squealed as said dog walked into the room, Harumi right behind her. "Look how cute you are!"
The dog placed her huge white paws onto bed, leaping up until she stood and could move until she laid on one side of Saskia's legs while her limbs draped over her legs.
"Guess we both are done for having children, eh, Countess?" Saskia joked grimly, smiling all the same.
Hannibal stood up with her hand in his, bringing the hand to his mouth and kissed it before gently tracing the knuckles with his thumb. "I have patients to see today, Saskia. I apologise but I need to be heading to the office."
"It's alright," Saskia absentmindedly traced his fingers with the tip of hers, unaware she was doing it. "Can you bring my tablet next time you come? I want to start on my newest idea."
"It's in the bag along with your notes and journal," He grinned, seeing the look of anticipation and surprise on her face. He liked seeing her happy and free with her emotions, she didn't have to hide with them there. He knew Will felt the same as they both had to leave because of work, taking Countess with them and seeing Saskia's face fall.
Hannibal swore to visit her everyday just to see the smile return as she saw her companion.
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Leroy sent a package after a few days, confirming that there was a twentieth victim and it was the woman who had stabbed her. Saskia hadn't been released yet and so she just called Jack, which made the man contact Will and Hannibal.
Both men were quick to arrive at the hospital, bringing along Countess to her delight.
"What happened?" Will asked as he saw Saskia leaning back on the raised bed, looking outside with a sad little smile on her lips. There were dried tracks of tears on her face and she sniffled every once in a while.
"He wrapped it like a gift," Saskia muttered, both hands placed on the dressing near her abdomen.
"Wrapped what?"
She turned to actually look at them as Countess quickly vaulted the bed, and layed between Saskia's legs, making sure her head was laying on Saskia's hipbone to not touch the wound. "In Jack the Ripper style, he ripped out the woman's womb and wrapped it up in tissue paper before placing it in a cute little box. Here's the note."
Our arc is almost finished.
Do you like your gift?
Fit for a lady.
She was a pleasant kill just as she was unpleasant to know.
"Dark red ribbon with a black box," She said, as her hand weaved into Countess' fur. "A gift."
"How thoughtful of him," Will frowned. "Does the FBI have hold of it yet?"
"I believe so,"
"Hannibal and I came straight here," Will looked to Hannibal who sat on Saskia's other side, both looking at Will as he spoke. "I suspect there will be an end to this game soon. Twenty victims and all."
"I'm concerned with who the last victim will be," Saskia now frowned, concern lacing her features. "Either I will be next, or he will have me as the twenty second."
"If he tries and succeeds," Hannibal frowned, this time his went lower and became a scowl. It made them both pause and wait for his reaction. "We will be having a feast with his bones as decoration in your memory. Countess would be allowed the first bite."
Countess' tail thumped thrice before she yawned and settled down, letting Saskia's petting her bring into a deep sleep.
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Saskia refused to walk about the surgery with Alana, which made the woman quite concerned in the coming weeks after Saskia was released.
"I don't want to talk about it," Saskia snapped when Alana tried to start that conversation again. "I made my peace with the fact that I won't be able to bear children. It doesn't make me any less of a woman, and it hasn't caused me to spiral down again. I'm not depressed nor am I sad. I'm only upset that the choice was taken from me, nothing more."
Alana tried. "You might think you have made peace with it but you might not have. It might take a while but the realisation might hit you worse later than if you woke about it now."
"Alana," Saskia began, frowning. "I had the choice of keeping my womb but it was safer to get rid of it all. I had the choice, I am sound in the head. Do you think I'm mentally incapable of making this decision, Alana?"
"I'm not saying that—"
"Because it sounds like you are,"
"You've lost a part of yourself, Saskia,"
"I lost a physical part of myself," She sighed, her shoulders slumping a little as her hand drifted to her wound. "I lost the ability to bear children but I still have the option of adoption and surrogacy. One option is taken but there are still others."
This time was Alana's turn to sigh, turning to Saskia with a sorrowful look in her eyes that looked too much like pity. "I'm here to talk if you need to, Saskia. Not just as a psychiatrist, but as a friend."
"Thank you."
Saskia wouldn't be using that service any time soon.
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