A/N: So I had to unearth my old email which was attached to this account a couple weeks back and discovered so many unread notifications of people favouriting and subscribing to this story and I wish there was a better way to express my appreciation in y'all. I am definitely finishing this story but it is really, really nice to know there are people out there who actually are following this story? IDK 15 year old me would have been over the moon and I think it's never too late to feel a little validated. So thank you all so much! 3

Hurting

He hadn't intended to pour out to his sister but Gaara wasn't spoiled for choice once he arrived back in his apartment, dazed look on his face and half crashing into Temari.

It wasn't exactly pouring out anyway, with his short summary and superfluous punctuation. Temari guessed most of it from his hesitations, which the red head appreciated. It was already feeling like another Akatsuki extraction from the way she stared at him.

She was probably still in shock that he actually agreed to talk when she offered, but now her face was also showing slight horror. Gaara started panicking internally, wondering if she was going to start listing everything he did wrong. He wouldn't be surprised if she had criticisms, but he was not the Kazekage of emotional maturity. He wasn't ready to be cut down yet.

"You let her walk away?"

"... Yes? I didn't know what to do, and she didn't look like she wanted-"

"Without asking? Gaara, as long as you're not physically obstructing their exit routes, always chase after them. Always ask."

"But she didn't-"

"It's more difficult to initiate than to respond. Some people don't like to admit they want someone to ask after them. That would make them look weak."

Gaara blinked several times, trying to process that. I don't think she's weak, he was sure this was an unnecessary insecurity. Not after her performance at the exams.

She's not just a ninja though. She's a teenager, like me.

This thought came at the same time Temari was struggling to explain to Gaara why they needed to talk again.

"Look, she sounds like she's trying to understand you, but maybe something triggered her and she didn't know how to deal with it."

"Something... I said?"

"Perhaps."

"I should apologise."

"No," this surprised Gaara. Temari placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly in a reassuring way. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's not right to ingratiate to her for the sake of her approval. That's more insulting."

"But, if she's upset-"

"She'll learn to get over it. Or deal with it, rather," Temari tried to sound professional and detached but Gaara spied concern in her eyes as well. "If you care for her, you just have to let her know you're willing to accompany her while she does."

"How do I do that?"

"Be patient," Temari said with a finality in her tone. Gaara sighed heavily before standing up to bid his sister good night. He was about to resign himself to a night of fitful sleep when Temari spoke again.

"Gaara, remember you didn't open up to us immediately either. And look where we are now."

Gaara blinked a few times at the sight of his sister's genuine smile at him. He recognised the same care from Kankurou's gaze. The edges of his lips twitched, and he nodded, chest feeling very full.

.

"That's the last test. You're good to go."

Seki nodded and moved to put on her top, but by the time Sakura had kept all of the equipment, the new Jounin was still sitting on the bed.

"Are you okay?"

Seki looked up and blinked. Her hands automatically went to do up her zips.

"I'm fine."

There's that knee jerk response again, Sakura thought. Ever since Seki arrived for her check up in the morning, she'd worn a rather detached expression, as if she was dissociating from her present surroundings. Sakura knew from her psychiatric training that the last thing she should do was pressure her into talking, but she also had a duty as a medical professional to ensure her patients are in the best condition before she dismissed them.

"You look tired."

"I had a late night."

"Of course, you were at the party for the new jounins. How was it?"

"No, ah, I didn't go."

"Oh."

She'd never heard of Houseki Raion before the exam, but she stood out among all the participants in being the most adamant in her refusal to open up. No one knew anything about her other than the fact that she was registered as a Takigakure shinobi. Naruto had confided that Seki did not actually live in the village, but she was not deemed suspicious for some reason. Sakura trusted her friend's judgement, and frowned a little.

"Just so you know, medical nins are not just taught how to deal with physical wounds, we learn a little about dealing with emotional and psychological injuries as well."

"Excuse me?"

"Something is bothering you, Seki. I can be a professional listening ear, if you want one."

"I don't, thank you," Seki hopped off the bed, looking away. But still, she didn't move to leave.

"Alright."

"I think I'm just tired."

"I see."

"There's nothing wrong with me."

"If you say so-"

"I'm not crazy!"

"I didn't say that."

Seki gaped a little, and then bit her lip. Sakura frowned, noting Seki's fists were clenching so tightly her knuckles turned white. She felt a shift in chakra energy, and cautiously reached out to touch Seki's shoulder, weaving her own chakra into her.

"Seki. I didn't say that," she repeated firmly, louder this time and Seki finally connected her gaze with the Konoha kunoichi.

"Right. Sorry."

"No, I am," Seki raised one eyebrow at Sakura, "I, ah. I'm using a bit of my chakra to suppress yours a little. If I said anything that offended you, I'm sorry."

"No, you-" Seki seemed ready to deflect again out of habit, but a moment passed and she suddenly looked deflated. It was as if she hadn't slept at all the previous night, and Sakura had a gut feeling that she was not the sort to stay up late celebrating her promotion.

She watched Seki take a deep breath and say, "You stopped me. I usually have to meditate to keep my emotions under control. You just saved me a lot of time and energy."

"I see."

She knew her curiosity was burning in her eyes, but Sakura would not ask any questions if Seki was not ready to answer them. She recognised this defensive behaviour almost too well. She also suspected Seki was feeling much more vulnerable than she had ever let herself be since arriving in Konohagakure. She squeezed Seki's shoulder once more, and let go, indicating that the kunoichi was free to leave if she wanted.

Seki didn't move. A few seconds passed, and then.

"Sakura."

"Yes?"

"I... I have a problem."

.

Seki could leave right now, and no one in Konoha would ever know. They didn't need to know, after all. Seki had been training for the last five years precisely for these kind of situations: she could handle herself, because she had to handle herself, alone. She couldn't trust anyone to understand, much less, help her. Not at the risk of them getting injured, or worse.

Didn't you hear Naruto? You're our comrade now.

Seki's first instinct had been to clam up and leave immediately, as she always did whenever Keimyou suggested she see someone. As if having to deal with the physical aspect of the poison wasn't problematic enough; as if bad dreams, panic attacks, and black outs weren't stressful enough. She didn't want someone's diagnosis, someone's judgementabout her. It would make everything feel even more out of her control.

But there had been a vague sensation of a mist seeping through her body when Sakura was holding her shoulder, a vague sense of comfort. When her hand dropped Seki almost gasped. She wanted to feel that again.

"What's the problem?"

"... My brain."

Sakura waited for Seki to continue, but the latter didn't know where to begin. The pink haired shinobi reached for a folder behind her which held Seki's medical records.

"I didn't... declare it."

Seki's confession sounded much louder in her ears than she wanted it to, slight guilt eating away at her. She suddenly wondered why she didn't think how much danger she had put everyone in Konohagakure in by hiding this. Keimyou thought it was safer for her but what about others? Sakura paused from her page flipping and looked at Seki.

"Declare what?"

"The poison," Seki took another deep breath, "I was bitten by the Nibi as a child. Its poison is in my brain."

There were many things Sakura could do right now: question Seki about her physical and mental stability. Investigate her intentions in Konoha. Get a Hyuuga in to do a brain scan. Report this matter immediately to the Hokage.

But Sakura paused and stared at Seki instead.

"When were you bitten?"

"Right after I was born."

"You've had it-"

"My whole life. Yes."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Fine. It only affects me when I'm emotional, or if I'm fighting, if I smell blood."

"If you smell blood?"

"The Nibi has a strong bloodlust," Seki was quieter in saying this. Sakura took a few moments before rummaging the shelves behind her.

"Let me take a blood sample. Then we'll get someone with a Byakugan to look at you."

"Byakugan?"

"It's a powerful eye jutsu. If there is anything hidden in your head, it will see it."

"Oh. And then...?"

"And then... I'd like to help you find a way to deal with its effects in a psychologically healthier way. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming you've probably managed to deal with this by repressing your emotions, right?"

Seki remained silent for a while, which Sakura took for silent agreement. Her red eyes darted back and forth as she turned over her thoughts.

"I can't guarantee a solution of course, until I know exactly what I'm dealin-."

"Why are you doing this?"

Sakura paused and picked her next words carefully.

"Because... It's caused you pain, hasn't it?" Sakura asked, and Seki knew somehow that she didn't mean just physical pain. "You said it's a problem. So it's not who you are."

As Sakura sent for someone from the Hyuuga family to examine her, Seki struggled to internalise the meaning of this statement.

It's not who you are.

Then, who am I?

If I'm not a shinobi who goes insane and hurts people without knowing?

Not an orphan who killed her entire clan?

Not cursed by the Nibi for life?

Who else am I?

Who else can I be?

.

Keimyou had just sent Tomiro out to get breakfast when there was a knock on the door. It was already late morning, but he wasn't expecting any visitors. He was ready to tell whoever it was that Seki was at the Hokage's office receiving a check up (since she was most likely the reason for their visit) but his mouth hung open when his gaze landed upon Gaara's face.

"Hello Keimyou."

"Ga-Gaara," Keimyou stuttered, and then spotted the boy's white robes, "I mean, Kazekage-sama."

"Please, you don't have to call me that."

"But I should."

There was pause and then awkward rustling as Keimyou gestured the redhead in and Gaara gave a little bow as a sign of respect for his elder.

"Please, Kazekage-sama."

"Thank you."

As Gaara walked into the middle of their sparse dining room in the Kazekage attire, Keimyou realised how glad he was to see Gaara without the headpiece. He'd long associated it with authoritarian rule and coldness, and it would have been too strange to see it atop the young boy he once felt overprotective for.

"I didn't mean to disturb you. I heard you were planning on leaving today, so I thought I'd drop by before you did."

"It's not a disturbance at all! If anything, I'm glad you did."

"I have not forgotten you, Keimyou. Or your kindness."

There was a shy smile and Keimyou felt a little clench in his ribs. It was surreal, but also moving, seeing it on Gaara's face.

"Neither have I, Kazekage-sama. You've- You've grown so much."

"I've had to learn a lot."

"I'm sure you did."

"I'm sorry I did not know how to reciprocate your kindness back then, Keimyou. You were... You very forgiving."

"Nonsense," Keimyou tried not to choke, but his voice cracked a little listening to Gaara address him so intimately. Something in the latter's voice switched him into parent mode.

"Please do not apologise. I... I am ashamed to feel like I have the right to tell you this but, I am so proud of you. Of what you've achieved. Of how far you've come."

That's all I want for her, Keimyou thought quietly in his head, and broadened his smile.

"I hope you're proud of yourself too."

"I am, most days," Gaara let himself chuckle. "Every day is different, somehow."

"It is when you know how to love the people and things around you."

"Why did you say you were ashamed?"

"Oh, ah, I wonder why indeed?" Keimyou nervously laughed, and looked around, but finally sighed, unable to delay his response any longer.

"I... I knew how important you were to Seki, and I don't think I'm assuming wrongly to say she was likewise for you. But I sought to protect her instead of her feelings, and took her away. I'm sorry for being selfish."

Gaara hadn't moved or changed his expression, but Keimyou thought his teal eyes hardened a little at Seki's name.

"Was it the Akatsuki?"

"Yes," Keimyou nodded, but looked away again. "At least, I think it was. We managed to always give them the slip the moment my contacts saw anyone with those red clouds."

"You are a smart shinobi, Keimyou. I'm not surprised you avoided them."

"But to be honest, I think we've been haunted by my paranoia more than actual assassins."

"No. You were wise in doing so. I was caught by the Akatsuki in Sunagakure. I am glad Seki wasn't."

Keimyou looked up, half grateful for the validation, and half guilty that he needed to hear it from the teenager.

"I heard about that, but I wasn't sure-"

"This was my reason for coming here."

Keimyou stopped talking, but Gaara didn't continue. The older man mentally slapped himself, realising in his own anxiety he failed to see that the redhead before him had been working up to ask him something. Gaara blinked a few times, fiddling with the gourd on his hip, before finally raising his eyes towards Keimyou.

"Sunagakure is safer now. I promise you. And you and Seki are welcome back as part of my family. The years apart don't matter to me, or Temari or Kankurou. We all remember you fondly. And we still care."

There was not much warmth in his tone, but Keimyou felt his eyes welling up. He looked down at his gripped hands, feeling his callouses, trying to recall the last time he felt like he had a home.

"I understand why you felt like you had to leave. But I promise you that Seki will be protected in Sunagakure."

"Kazekage-sama... Gaara... I-"

Gaara was patient as Keimyou struggled to comprehend the million thoughts racing his mind.

For a long while, Keimyou had wondered if the reason Seki hadn't had anything to hold on to was because of him: because he felt like he had nothing to hold on to either. He cared for his neice, his child, her safety, but sometimes a single person wasn't enough to build a home. While they were family, Seki and Keimyou had struggled to feel at home anywhere in the last few years, and thus, with each other. Having Tomiro made their nights more lively but again, Keimyou felt like what he needed was a place of certainty. A familiar environment. A home.

"I would really like that. But I think I need to discuss it with Seki first."

"Of course."

Gaara bowed, and before he could regret crossing the social boundaries he'd innately held on to from his upbringing, Keimyou gripped the teenager's hand in a firm handshake.

"Gaara, Sunagakure is lucky to have you as a Kazekage."

And to be honest, Keimyou knew these words could not encompass the mass of emotions swirling inside of him. But he hoped Gaara knew how much he did care for him, how grateful he felt that the love the boy was capable of expressing was never lost at all. It may have been hidden under anger and hatred, but it was always there, Keimyou knew it was.

And now, with the same gentle smile, Gaara looked like he knew it too.

.

Seki gripped the sides of the chair she sat on as Sakura gave her diagnosis.

"If we had more time, we could probably do a more in-depth examination. But from what I can see..."

A/N: I had a whole plan on how I was going to finish up this fic and it was suddenly derailed because the fic just went where it wanted to go? Basically I am definitely writing beyond chapter 30 and I don't think I should predict when I will end until I've actually done it. Oops.

I also have an account on AO3 now, where I dabble in Haikyuu fics, and a twitter! Look for the same username and yell (nice things) at me if you want. XD