A/N: Happy 2021! THIS IS NOT HOW I PLANNED THE STORY TO GO BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED AND I JUST WENT WITH IT. I'm trying not to end this series with loose ends but I think there will be some eventually...? Anyway, I thought this chapter was particularly important in bridging the differences between the Seki I wrote 10 years ago and the Seki I'm writing now, but it is rather.. tedious. So thank you in advance for persevering!

"If we had more time, we could probably do a more in-depth examination," Seki gripped the sides of the chair she sat on as Sakura gave her diagnosis. "But from what I can see, you've always been able to feel fear."

Seki wonders if this is what people meant by a deafening silence; it was almost as if the actual weight of the air was pressing against her ears.

"...I. I don't understand."

"There's a part of your brain that feels fear. It's a little almond-shaped crevice, and it looks like it is functioning well," Sakura referred to a few scrolls in her hand. "But it also looks like that is where the poison was probably absorbed. It's not emotions that trigger you, but fear."

Then there was a feeling as if everything that used to suspend inside Seki had suddenly dropped to the floor. It was not completely unpleasant, just strange. She felt as if her vision was being skewed, and yet not.

"But I, I've never been scared about anything! Doesn't that-"

"Do you remember the times you actually let yourself succumb to the poison?"

"Yes, if I tried," Seki winced just from suggesting this. She tried to only remember them in vague images. "I would be upset, because I had hurt someone, or someone had been hurt."

"And you didn't feel like any of those emotions resembled fear?"

"I-" Seki could feel her memories warping slightly. She recalled anger, both her own and something bitter that she had always associated with the Nibi. She recalled frustration, usually from a split second realisation of her lack of self control. She recalled hurt.

"I was always upset because, I didn't want to be like that."

"Because..."

"Because... I knew I could hurt people."

Seki looked up at Sakura, who was waiting patiently for her to come to her own conclusions. She wasn't sure why tears were welling up in her eyes.

"I was afraid to hurt people?"

"Possibly. From what you've told me, it seems nothing comes close to being as scary as that. You have definitely gained some control over it, but basically you're not as abnormal as you think. You still feel fear, you just feel it differently from others. You probably have some anxiety of triggering it."

"Anxiety."

"In simpler terms: you are so sensitive to it that the moment you're afraid you get triggered. I think the poison sends an influx of electrical signals to the rest of your brain, more than a normal person can handle. That would explain the black outs."

"I. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything then. Just process," Sakura poured Seki a cup of water and then scooted her stool over towards Seki. She placed one hand over Seki's fingers engaged in their clenching habit, weaving a little chakra into them as she did. Tears were streaming steadily from red eyes.

"So, I've always been able to- I'm jus- This is-"

Seki heaved in a shaky breath. She understood Sakura's words, but at the same time she didn't understand anything. As if she had woken up from a terribly long dream, but someone had just told her she was still asleep.

"This is not a cure," Seki muttered. Sakura waited for Seki to look at her before gently shaking her head.

"No, but it will reframe the way you think about yourself, and maybe that will help you start to heal."

"Heal?"

"Emotionally."

"I'm not-"

Sakura didn't even have to change her expression for Seki to catch herself trying to deflect again.

"If you really haven't felt fear except during your... incidents, that means you're repressing a lot of it on a daily basis. You're a shinobi, after all. You would face the fear of death regularly."

"I- So I've been... scared, for so long now," Seki's voice was cracking slightly, feeling overwhelmed.

"I guess so."

"... How do I heal?"

"Well, if you lived in Konohagakure, I'd arrange fortnightly or monthly sessions with you. It would mostly be talking things out, but sometimes I'd send you off with some tasks. I understand you were leaving today though?"

"Yes."

"Then journaling. Maybe every time you feel like you should have felt fear but didn't? Write it down, re-read it the next day, reflect."

"This works?"

"Sometimes. Ideally we'd have a check up but since I don't know when you would come back to Konoha, I have a messenger hawk we can use."

The certainty in Sakura's conviction sounded persuasive, but Seki had long distrusted anything that felt too good to be true. She kept quiet as Sakura rattled off a list of other suggestions, her professional mode kicking in and exuding a comforting aura, but Seki was still distracted. She stared into space, visualising herself in third person, perched on the bed with Sakura beside her, looking small and uncertain.

Scared.

"Seki?"

"I- That sounds like... a lot of work."

Seki looked down, letting brown hair cover her eyes in embarrassment. She didn't want anyone to think she was being lazy, but after so many years thinking she understood her condition, it felt so much like Sakura had just erased all of her efforts. It wasn't comfortable at all, feeling like she was starting from scratch again.

"It is, but it will get easier."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because it always does."

.

Sitting at Ramen Ichiraku, Gaara realised he enjoyed eating ramen. He could even say he had a favourite (miso ramen with root vegetables), but he still couldn't imagine wolfing down three consecutive bowls the way Naruto still found it possible to.

He supposed still having a tailed beast within one's body consumed a lot of calories.

"So, are you seeing her later?" The Hokage beside him managed to articulate this even with a mouthful of noodles.

"I don't know-"

"I told you they were leaving today!"

"No, you didn't, Hinata told me."

"Well, yes, but I told Hinata! And don't change the subject."

"When are you going to tell her about your feelings, by the way?"

"When you tell Seki yours!" Naruto would look a lot more intimidating if he wasn't suddenly sporting a very deep blush acorss his cheeks. Gaara let slip a small smile, but then dropped it with a sigh.

"I don't even know what my feelings are."

"Gaara, are you afraid to see her?"

Naruto had put down his chopsticks, looking as if they were discussing matters of Akatsuki with how serious he looked. To be fair, Gaara suddenly wished they were. His friend's blue eyes seemed to pierce through his skin.

"... She got angry the last time. I don't know how to not do that again."

"She's not angry, if she's anything like what you said. Anything like us."

"What do you mean?"

Naruto scoffed and picked up the bowl with his hands, slurping on his soup for a few seconds before putting it down.

"We've been 'angry' before, and it's never actually 'anger', wasn't it?"

Gaara looked away from his friend, willing all the nostalgic discomfort he felt to spill into the empty bowl before him.

"Maybe I wasn't ready to see her again."

"There's no such thing as ready," Naruto said after a pause, sitting back and imitating Gaara's pose. As the citizens of Konohagakure pass by behind them, no one could imagine the heaviness of the air that surrounded the two Kages. They were no longer talking about mere interpersonal relationships.

"You received a message from the scouting team?"

"Yes. Anko wrote they spotted them in Orochimaru's old hideout. It can't be more than two weeks now before they make their first move."

"I'll need to leave tonight."

"Gaara."

The redhead looked up at the blonde, eyes filled with worry and determination. The weight of an entire village on both their shoulders.

"Don't wait for a war before you realise what's important."

.

Sakura rolled up the scroll of detailed instructions she had been writing and passed it to Seki, who looked doubtful as she stored it in her back pocket.

"I just feel like I'm going to be really dangerous to train with."

"It may be, but that is the tranquilisers I'm prescribing are for. Your uncle, or your friend, can inject into you if it gets out of hand. But honestly, I've seen you fight – you are very aware of your own chakra levels."

"But the Nibi's chak-"

"Ah, ah, ah! Remember what was my first advice?"

"... Stop regarding the poison as separate from me."

"Sometimes the simplest of words can have the most powerful effects on one's perspectives. And it's not 'poison' anymore," Sakura nagged. "It's a part of you now, maybe a skill or even a weapon you can use at your disposal if you practice hard enough."

"Right," Seki resisted the urge to sigh.

"Are you still worried?"

"... I guess I am. But it makes sense, to trigger my fear and train up my stamina to withstand the poi- I mean, the high adrenaline that's stored in me," Sakura smirked at Seki's quick wording. "I don't know if I will be able to control it, since I've never done it before."

"It's just like learning a new skill."

"Or relearning an old skill?"

Sakura laughed, pleased with Seki's phrasing. "Exactly. Sometimes you think you know everything about yourself, and then you discover something new. Everyone goes through that at some point of their life."

"It is strange."

"To relearn an old skill?"

"No. To feel like... like I'm the same as everyone."

"Isn't that what you want?"

"... I don't know. I defined myself for so long as someone that was different, dangerous, a burden- I don't know why it also seems... scary to not be like that."

"There are many things we don't know in life," Sakura tried to sound soothing in her response. "It's frightening to not know yourself sometimes. But at least you know now... you don't have a problem, and you are not a problem."

Seki nodded, quiet for a while, eyes so downcast Sakura could barely see them. This was going to haunt Seki for a while.

"I wish I knew this before I hurt people."

Ah, there's that look again, Sakura thought, recognising the hollow stare. She had seen it in Naruto, whenever people praised him for overcoming the Kyuubi's control.

I just wish someone could understand.

Sakura didn't give Seki enough time to reminisce any painful memories before she placed a hand on her shoulder, no chakra lacing, just applying a little pressure that was both reassuring and empowering. Maroon eyes lifted to meet green.

"Well, now you do, and that is all that matters."

There was a knock on the door and before either women could prime themselves, a man in a grey cloak walked in. His dark eyes landed on Seki before diverting to Sakura.

"Sasuke, you're back!"

"Sorry to disturb you, Sakura. I just came back to see Naruto and I-"

Seki wasn't sure what was more shocking – the fact that the owner of the shuriken she had worn for the last 5 years was before her, or the fact that Sakura had called out his name with a warm intimacy Seki didn't think Sasuke would ever be associated with. Seki realised he didn't recognise her.

"Uchiha Sasuke?"

He frowned at her, and then his face cleared.

"Seki?"

"You remember."

"I do. Why are you here?"

"I was taking the Jonin exams. Why are you..." Seki noticed Sakura walking over to Sasuke, standing much closer than Seki would have thought Sasuke would be comfortable with.

"Are you from Konohagakure?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"I wasn't that attached to this place at the time we met."

Attached, Seki thought as she observed how Sasuke and Sakura stood next to each other. The realisation twists in Seki's gut.

He came back to his important person. He's not hurting anymore.

"Sasuke, you know her?"

"I met her when I first left the village."

Despite his formal language, Seki thought she heard something soften in his voice. She tried to ignore the feeling of her insides clenching.

"Oh! I see."

"Naruto said you were here. I'll come back when you're done."

"We are, actually. Unless Seki needs to discuss anything else?"

"N-No. I'll go."

"You can come back tonight to meet Naruto," Sakura directed this at Seki with a smile, but all the favourable feelings she had earlier of the medical-nin faded away as she sensed Sasuke's aura around Sakura, like an eagle guarding its precious eggs. Seki forced herself to smile back.

"I will. Thank you for the check up."

As Seki hopped off the bed, for a second she thought she saw Sasuke narrow his eyes slightly. For a second, she thought he could see through her smile, as he used to all those years ago under the tree. For a second, Seki wished she wasn't always the only one feeling alone.

Seki felt her throat constrict and walked out, refusing to see Sakura's confused expression glancing towards Sasuke's concerned one.

.

Gaara had been pacing in front of the main entrance for about half an hour when Seki turned the corner to her accommodation. It was an inn, so they weren't trapped in a hallway but somehow the sight of her at the end of the path made Gaara feel a sense of the walls closing in.

Or maybe it was more like everything else was being blurred out. He could only focus on her, on the little things he had noticed the last time: the brown in her hair fading almost green in the sunlight; the soil stains on her pant legs, one slightly longer than the other; the way her biceps were toned and curved even though her general physique was slimmer. Seki stood before him looking completely different from 5 years ago, and yet the way his heart was hammering against his chest made Gaara think she was still exactly the same.

Her maroon eyes were taking in Gaara's frozen stance, questioning, hesitating, deliberating.

"Do you have time?"

"For what?" Gaara internally slapped himself, because truth be told, he wouldn't have cared if even the Akatsuki decided to attack right this minute if it meant he could spend more time with Seki.

"Training," Seki stated simply. Gaara's aquamarine eyes glimmered with curiosity and wariness, but his lips opened before he could think and responded: "Sure."

A/N: THE LAST SECTION WAS ADDED ON A WHIM SO WELP guess I'm writing another fight scene ;_; but they're both shinobi and fighters (literally and metaphorically) so I think I need to do them justice in reconnecting them through physicality as much as their words. I'll try not to take months to update the next chapter. (TRY)