A/N: I am so, so sorry that I ghosted this story for like two months. If it helps (I know it doesn't actually), it's because I've been writing later chapters in this story while writing a book and editing another book. I kept saying to myself, "I'll edit chapter 2 soon," but soon didn't come until this morning, so I am truly, truly sorry. Hopefully, I'll be way more consistent with updates now.
~ Chapter 2 ~
Felix was waiting in my living room when I came out and was dressed from head to foot in yellow. I stared at him with slight incredulity for a moment because I'd been worried that I was going to stand out. There was no worry of that if I was next to Felix. "You wore yellow!" He said it like I'd made his night with my wardrobe choice.
"Yeah, I did. And like you said, why wouldn't I?" I thought I sounded a little bitter. I didn't mean to. It really wasn't Felix's fault that I couldn't figure out my shit. I'd given him no reason to think I didn't like Mia. In his own way, I thought he was trying to be supportive. "You are… yellow as well."
"I want to make it super clear that I'm into Lake."
"Yeah. I think it's clear," I confirmed. I didn't think there was any way it could be more obvious, but then he pulled a matching sweatband out of his pocket and put it around his head. I couldn't help my smile. It was so ridiculous; everything about this was ridiculous.
"You two look like a couple of bananas getting ready to split," my dad said. He looked so pleased with himself.
I hadn't originally planned to tell him what I was doing tonight because I didn't want to turn it into a whole thing that I was going to my first real high school party and if my mom found out, there was no way I was getting out of here without a whole lecture on being safe, but it felt like the alternative was him coming up with some strange explanation. I also figured he'd be okay with it. "We're dressed like this for a party."
"Uh, you didn't tell me anything about a party. Whose party?" he asked.
"Oh, this girl Mia. She likes Victor," Felix explained matter-of-factly.
I turned to him and gave him the best warning look I could muster and prayed he got the message.
"Oh! All right." A real smile spread across my dad's face. I was pretty sure he'd been waiting for me to get a girlfriend for years; he was probably more excited for this than I was. "Who is this girl? Is she cute?"
"Dad, don't be weird," I begged. It was like asking a fish not to swim.
"Oh, she's gorgeous," Felix supplied. I guessed the look I gave him before meant absolutely nothing to him. "Kind of like a young my mom."
Well, Felix fixed it. He made it weirder than my dad ever could. On the bright side, even my dad was at a loss for words. "All right, macho. Well, uh, you go to your party and, uh, show this Mia girl a good time, okay?" He reached out to shake my hand and I swear, I half expected him to pass me a condom. He didn't (thank God!).
Felix and I finally got to leave. Felix was clearly a mix of overly nervous and overly excited on the way to the party. His nerves kept bubbling out of him with the strangest anecdotes. Like, he talked for several minutes about a hat he'd thought about buying but then he wasn't sure if he could pull it off. It had been prompted by someone on the bus who was wearing a huge hat like Abraham Lincoln used to wear. Felix had assured me that he hadn't been considering a hat that big.
I hoped Mia was wrong and that maybe Lake would be interested in Felix because I never wanted to see how crushed he'd be if she wasn't. It was kind of sweet how hopeful he was as we walked into Mia's house.
I wasn't prepared for how big the party was. I'd known it wasn't going to be like the small get-togethers I'd gone to in Texas, but there were an overwhelming number of people crammed into her house. The energy was amazing.
I took Felix's sweatband off as I looked around. His outfit was a lot in the first place, but his sweatband was way too over the top. Most guys in yellow were dressed similarly to me.
I barely recognized anyone. Did all of them really go to school with me? I didn't see Benji… not that I was looking for him. I was grateful. Either he wasn't here or there were too many people to see him; I wasn't going to complain. The last thing I needed was to figure out how to not be awkward around him after my disastrous interview had led to me leaving a note with my deepest secret right out in the open. Yeah, it was definitely better to avoid that whole thing altogether.
Andrew spotted me while I was scanning the crowd and waved me over. I was taken aback; we hadn't exactly gotten along the past two days, but I guessed things were different now that we were going to be playing together… assuming I actually found a job. I welcomed the comradery I knew basketball would bring. It was sometimes the great equalizer. People I wouldn't have given the time of day to were practically my brothers simply because of how much time we spent together and trust we had to put in each other on the court. I'd thought Andrew was a dick, but maybe we'd both be able to put aside our snap judgments now. I was cautiously optimistic.
"I'll be right back," I told Felix. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I forgot about them.
"So, you're not actually friends with that loser, are you?" I was instantly self-conscious.
"Uh, no. No. We're just neighbors." Even as I said it, it felt like a lie, and I realized Felix might actually be my friend.
I followed Andrew out and felt myself seamlessly slipping into basketball Victor. Even back in Texas, it was my safety net in social situations. I knew exactly who basketball Victor was and how he was supposed to act; his life was easy and uncomplicated. I was eager for the escape that he offered me, even if it was only for a few hours.
I was pleasantly surprised by some of the guys on the basketball team. In Graham, everyone on the team had been the same kind of shitty. Even if they were definitely some kind of shitty here, they were different. We talked about things other than basketball. Most of it went over my head because it seemed like they'd all known each other their whole lives. It was nice to be a part of that.
When they joked about Mia, I joined in and acted as cocky as I could. It felt wrong, but it seemed like everyone around me thought it felt right. I quickly realized that Creekwood had its own set of rules. I wasn't sure if they existed exclusively at Creekwood or if I'd just been oblivious to them in Graham. If you were into a girl, you needed to be the right amount of interested. If my yellow shirt was "thirsty", I didn't want to know what they'd call Felix. They would tear him apart for his enthusiasm.
When Andrew told me I was coming on too strong, I accepted his jacket without question even though I was full of them. Back in Texas, the few of my friends who had dated hadn't seemed to worry about coming on too strong. They liked a girl; they told her. I wasn't sure how anyone started dating here if they weren't supposed to let someone know they liked them.
I nursed the same cup of beer the whole night, taking small sips occasionally. I wasn't used to drinking during basketball season, but my new teammates didn't seem to hold back. As they got more boisterous, I felt like I experienced some of their secondhand drunkness.
It was unusual to see so many people drinking. It wasn't like I never drank in Texas, but I'd never been to something like this where there was drinking on such a large scale. I'd always assumed parties like this existed only in cheesy movies or big cities, and it struck me that I was kind of in a big city now. The nights of drinking in my friends' basements were gone and this was my new reality.
It was a reality with no rules about drinking during basketball season, apparently. Back in Texas, there had been a strictly enforced no-drinking-during-the-season rule. Our coach had been quick to point out there was a no-drinking-ever-under-21 law that we were supposed to be following, but it was especially important that we didn't do it during the season. He'd insisted that we may not notice how alcohol affected our playing, but he could, and we weren't getting in the way of his championship. He really did have a sixth sense for it; we never figured out how he knew. Some of my teammates speculated that someone on the team was telling him, but we never had proof. He insisted he could just tell. I never noticed a difference, but it took a handful of times of someone being benched for us all to take it seriously. We always listened and not just because we were afraid to sit out a game. We didn't want to get in the way of our championship either. We were good. Really good. Some of the seniors I'd played with last year had scholarships to play ball in college. Nothing was worth screwing up a future like that.
Once upon a time, I thought that might be what I wanted. I wasn't sure anymore. I loved basketball, but I didn't always love the people I played with or who I turned into around them. As comfortable and predictable as it could be, I didn't want to spend more time pretending to be basketball Victor before I even knew who real Victor was.
As they got drunker and drunker, I took a chance and asked one of the designated drivers about it… I had no idea what his name was. He'd told me when he first sat down, and I was too afraid to ask again.
"Coach Ford's cool with drinking during the season?" I asked uncertainly. He looked confused, so I quickly clarified. "My coach in Texas would bench us for something like this."
"You've met Coach Ford, right?" he confirmed. I nodded. "Coach Ford is great, but he's not the most…" He frowned. "I'm gonna sound like a dick, man, but I think if you told Coach Ford you wanted to hit him with your car, he'd lie down on the ground just to help you out. He's such a pushover. He'll deal with something if he has to, but if he doesn't see it, he pretends it doesn't exist. This is my fourth year starting, and I've never seen him bench someone. Ms. Knight will bench us for him if we get in trouble around school, but something like this? He doesn't care."
"Really?" Truthfully, I hadn't gotten the idea that Coach Ford was as strict as my old coach, but I'd attributed that to it being gym class and not practice. It had been tough at times, but my old coach helped us get better by holding us accountable.
He nodded. "Yeah. I've heard horror stories from other schools. Are there really coaches who just lose it on you all the time."
I found myself growing defensive. "Not all the time, but if we deserved it? Yeah. And sometimes we did. I wouldn't say he lost it on us, but he didn't let us get away with shit." I shrugged. "We were good, so something he did was working."
"Hope you bring some of that here. I'd love to win a playoff game before I graduate."
"You've never won a playoff game?"
He shook his head. Before he could explain, we were pulled from our conversation by the sudden shouts when someone bumped into the table that housed half of the red solo cups for our teammates.
"Nico, stop flirting and help us out," Andrew called as he moved around the beer with a piece of paper he'd procured from… I had no idea where he found it.
Nico - that was his name - snorted. "Don't get jealous, dear." He disappeared and came back a minute later with a whole roll of paper towels. They made quick work of it and refilled the beers. It was like it had never happened.
As the night went on, it became harder to follow everything that was happening because they kept interrupting each other to add their own details to something, so I kept getting a bunch of half stories. It didn't help that I was still a little fuzzy on names, so half the time I was just trying to figure out who was talking instead of listening to what they were talking about. Some stood out to me.
I knew Andrew for obvious reasons. He never brought up the shitshow our first day was, and he seemed to be welcoming me as one of the guys. I hoped this wouldn't wear off once he sobered up.
I knew Kieran because he kept throwing in the most confusing and nonsensical jokes and anecdotes. Everyone seemed to simultaneously groan, "Kieran" every time he opened his mouth. It never got to him. He actually seemed to find it funny. No one else seemed to mind it either. Their groans were definitely friendly.
I knew Jacob, a junior on the team, because he kept trying to fill me in on the backstory I was missing. It helped a little, but there was too much to cram into the few seconds of silence we had.
I kind of knew someone named William or Walter or something like that. I wasn't sure. He didn't talk much; he mostly made sure no one's cup was ever empty. It was interesting because I never saw him drink anything himself. I figured he was also a designated driver.
Even if I didn't understand much of anything and mostly fell into the role of a passive observer, I enjoyed being with them. I felt the slightest bit of nostalgia for the team I'd left behind in Texas. My teammates, while they weren't the best, had just as many shared memories with me as the Creekwood team had together. I didn't love the idea of having to start over and figure out where I fit in with a group of kids who had already established themselves.
I almost forgot that I came here with Felix until he stumbled over to me. "Where have you been?" he slurred.
"Oh, hey. Um, I've been here. With the guys. Are you okay?" He wavered on his feet until he sat down on the arm of the chair I was in. I was reasonably confident he started to fall and my chair just broke his fall.
"Ah, well, you were gone for a while." He poked my nose, and I couldn't help but wonder exactly how much he had to drink. "So, in order to calm my crippling social anxiety, I made a new friend."
He laughed, but it was like a punch to my gut. This was my fault. I agreed to come here with him and immediately abandoned him. I'd forgotten about that part of basketball Victor because it hadn't mattered when all of my friends were on the team. Felix wasn't, and I realized that basketball Victor could kinda be a selfish jerk. "How much did you drink?"
He squinted at me like he didn't understand my question. "Can you believe Lake has a boyfriend? Ugh. Bruno. Even his name is cool."
"All right. Let's take it easy, all right? I'm gonna get you some water." I took his cup. It was half full, so he was either a tremendous light weight or this wasn't his first drink. I didn't want to leave him again, but I didn't totally trust him to move around right now. With our luck, he'd fall and give himself a concussion; I thought being stationary would probably be the best thing for him. "Just don't drink anymore, okay?"
Felix muttered something about Bruno as I walked away. It was surprisingly difficult to find water in the house. I ended up rinsing out his cup and filled it with water from the sink since I couldn't find a single unused cup.
I rested my elbows on the counter for a minute and let my hand fall into my hands. "You okay?" I glanced around but didn't find the source of the voice until she continued, "if you're gonna be sick, find a trash can. The line for the bathroom is really long."
A girl in a shirt that I thought was pink but was probably some sort of pale red sat on the floor in front of Mia's oven. The girl next to her was actively sobbing and was wearing nearly as much yellow as Felix. "I'm not going to be sick," I assured her. "I just needed to get some water." I held up the cup I'd filled.
"Would you mind?" She held up her cup.
"Course not." I grabbed her cup and rinsed it out before I started to fill it with water. I dropped the cup when it was about halfway full because the girl in yellow let out a sob that honestly made her sound a little like she was being strangled.
The girl in red didn't look the least bit perturbed by that. "Breathe. In and out. In and out." Her words were spoken as if she'd done this a hundred times. I wondered if she had.
"I'm not hyperventilating. I don't need to breathe," the girl in yellow snapped. I'd expected her words to sound slurred, but she was surprisingly coherent.
The girl in red rolled her eyes. "Try it anyway."
Her friend listened and took deep breaths. I wasn't sure if it was helping because every breath was audible. I passed her the cup. "Drink this," she ordered.
"I'm not thirsty," the other girl complained.
"Drink it anyway," she suggested.
The other girl took the cup, and in a show of defiance, put it out of reach of the girl in red. "No."
The girl in red looked pissed. "You need to drink. Otherwise, you'll be hungover tomorrow."
"I'll be fine." The girl in yellow crossed her arms.
The girl in red was apparently choosing to pick her battles because she let it go. Instead, she held up her own cup. "Think you'd be up for one more?"
I quickly filled it and passed it back to her. "I'm Victor. I don't think we've met."
"No, but I've read about you." I groaned, and the girl in red grinned. "I'm Jackie. I'm a senior at Creekwood. This hot mess next to me is my best friend and cousin, Shauna. She doesn't go to Creekwood; she's just along for the ride." A disgruntled look crossed Jackie's face as she looped her arm behind Shauna's back. "Worked up like this over some guy."
"He's not some guy."
"You're right; he's not even some guy. He's no one, and he's so not worth this. He was such a dick to you."
"He's not a dick." I was starting to wonder if Shauna was exclusively able to argue right now because I hadn't heard her say a single thing that wasn't defiant.
"Come on. He was way meaner than he needed to be. Back me up, new kid."
"Uh…" I glanced at the exit before I looked back at the girls. What's the worst that could happen? I leaned comfortably against the counter. "Tell me about it."
"Okay, so this asshole has been stringing her along for weeks. He's been flirting with her and sending her all the right signals. Shauna hyped herself up to finally tell him how she feels. Tonight when she told him she liked him as if he hadn't been leading her on. I don't even care that he doesn't like her. Like, fine, he doesn't have to have feelings, but he doesn't get to pretend he was into her. Nope. when I see Kyle…" She punched her fist into her hand. I'd never seen someone do that in real life before.
It took me a second to figure out what to say because her words hit a little too close to home. Was I unintentionally doing this to Mia? "Maybe he didn't realize what he was doing."
It took less than a second for me to realize that defending him WAS NOT the right decision. "You're such a guy. Seriously. You'll treat girls like we're on this planet for your personal enjoyment. We're not. This might come as a shocker, but we're real people with real feelings."
I held up my hands as a gesture of peace. "That wasn't what I was trying to say," I said slowly. "I know I don't always pick up on someone flirting, so maybe he didn't notice."
"Oh, he did. He was using her to make his ex jealous. Because he's a dick," Jackie insisted. "He laughed at her." She glared at me as if I wasn't understanding that it was the absolute worst thing that had ever happened on this planet.
I bit my lip because Jackie didn't look particularly menacing, but she looked like she was trying really hard. I didn't want her to see me laugh. "It wasn't nice of him to laugh," I agreed. I felt a little relieved because I wasn't intentionally using Mia; hopefully, that meant this was a totally different situation.
"Exactly! You can do way better than him. Come on. Come hang out with me and Mike. It'll be fun!"
"You're just saying that because Mike goes back to school next week, so you don't have much time left with him," Shauna said grumpily.
"This is part of it," Jackie agreed. "The other part is that I want you to get your mind off of what's-his-name."
"I want to keep my mind on him." She played with the edge of her dress. "I just don't know what he's looking for. I could be whatever he wants."
"No, you couldn't. You can't change yourself to make him like you. That wouldn't be fair to either of you," Jackie argued. "Building a relationship on a lie will only hurt both of you in the long run."
Ouch. I nearly winced. I was suddenly wishing I'd grabbed Felix's water and left when I had the chance. There were too many parallels between this conversation and my life for me to be remotely comfortable with what was happening.
"I know, I know. But what if -"
"No."
"He just said I'm not his type. That doesn't mean there's no hope. When you introduced me to him, you said he was perfect for me."
"I thought he was because Mike vouched for him. It's not my fault that Mike has awful friends. I love that man, but he can be dumb. Kyle turned out to be a shitty guy. He turned you down. That means there's no hope. You can't waste your time on him. Besides, if you're not his type, he's definitely gay." I felt my heart start to pound. Yeah, I definitely should have fled. I wondered if I could leave without any more of Jackie's wrath.
"He's not gay. Have you seen him?"
"All the cute ones are gay," Jackie pointed out. "Back me up." She gestured to me.
I felt distinctly uncomfortable with the turn in conversation. There was a 0% chance I was contributing anything to this. I felt like I had a target on my back as it was. "I, uh, have to get water back to my friend. It was nice to meet you both." I took a step before I turned back. "You should be with someone who makes you happy. I don't think this guy does that, and maybe that means something. Don't worry about who anyone else thinks is perfect for you. Let yourself figure it out."
I almost wished I hadn't said anything because I heard my words as soon as I said them, and there was little I hated more than giving myself advice because now I either had to listen to myself or ignore myself. It was hard to tell which would be worse.
By the time I got back to Felix, he had writing all over his face. Andrew was in the process of drawing a mustache under his nose. I hit his hand away with a little more force than I meant to. The cap to his marker went flying, but I didn't look to see where it landed. "What the hell are you doing?"
"We're just having a bit of fun." I felt myself inflate with anger. I couldn't stand how Andrew said it like it should have been obvious; I hated that I'd led him to believe that this was the kind of thing I'd laugh at.
I felt like Basketball Victor disappeared when I stepped into the kitchen and even though I knew he would have laughed this off while repressing his inner guilt, I couldn't make myself do that.
"This is what you think is fun? This?" I pointed at Felix's head. I really hoped the Sharpie would come off.
"What do you care? He's a loser." A few of the guys laughed with Andrew, and it only made me angrier.
"He's my friend, okay?" It's what I should have said when we first got here. "Come on, Felix." I helped him to his feet, and he almost immediately stumbled. I tried to help him steady himself. "And it says 'looser' you idiots."
They seemed to find that as funny as what they'd done to Felix.
The line for the bathroom was atrociously long and people were starting to notice the writing on Felix's face, so I guided him up the stairs where there were less people. Less people, not no people. It felt weird to try random doors in the hopes that an empty room was behind them. I tried not to think about what was happening behind the locked doors. When one finally opened, I was surprised to see Mia sitting on her bed. "Hey." She looked startled as she stood up. "What are you doing here?"
"Felix had a run in with a marker, and the line for the bathroom downstairs was really long." I shot her what I hoped looked like an apologetic smile.
"You can use mine. It's right over there."
I led Felix to her bathroom. She lingered in the doorway while I tried to get the Sharpie off his face. By the time he pushed away my hand, he looked way better. Hopefully it would be good enough to get him out of the house and back to his apartment. "Wanna head out?" I asked him. Felix groaned loudly and for about ten seconds before he curled up on the floor. "I guess that means no."
Mia chuckled. "So… he looks like he had fun," she observed.
I chuckled. "Maybe a little too much fun," I agreed. I really shouldn't have left him. Truthfully, he wasn't that bad. It wasn't like he was throwing up or about to pass out or anything. He was just slightly past the line of too drunk. I put my hands in my jacket pocket before I left the bathroom. "This is your room?" I tried not to sound too incredulous, but most of my apartment could fit in there.
"Yeah."
Something on her desk caught my attention as I was looking around. "Wait. Did you draw this?" Too late, I realized that I probably shouldn't be snooping around her room, but I couldn't take it back.
Fortunately, she didn't seem upset about it. "Uh… yeah. It's what I'm working on for my Advanced Art class."
"It's okay. Drawing in pen isn't my favorite thing to do."
"What is?" I asked curiously.
"Don't laugh."
"Never," I promised.
"I like sculpting."
I had no idea why she thought I'd laugh at that. "Sculpting sounds really awesome. What kinds of things have you made?"
"Random things, really."
"How'd you get into sculpting?" It seemed like a particular thing to be into.
"Uh… before my mom left, art used to be our thing."
"I didn't know your mom left. I'm sorry."
"It's fine. It was a while ago. She checked herself into rehab and… yeah. That's it."
Shit. That genuinely sucked. I gave Mia so much credit. Back in Texas, my teammate's dad had gone to rehab. It had really messed him up. "That must've been tough."
Mia sat down on her bed. "I guess she was unhappy before she left. We didn't know. Things got lonely really fast after that. I feel like I've spent more time by myself than with my family."
"What about your dad?"
"He works a lot. That's where he is now. He's a university president, and it takes him all over the world to meet other university heads and try to get donations and grants and stuff."
"That's pretty cool. It sucks that you can't go with him."
"We talked about it once. Played around with the idea of me being homeschooled and enrolling in online classes, but I'd pretty much be on my own in different countries instead of on my own here. At least I have my friends here." She shrugged. "Or friend."
I couldn't wrap my head around that kind of solitude. I usually felt like I didn't have any real privacy between my parents and siblings. Someone could be listening at any moment. "Lake?" I guessed.
"We've been best friends for forever." She wrapped her arms around herself and looked away from me. "She's one of the few people at Creekwood who want to be friends with me for me and not because they think it will make people like them more. Lake… I mean, she cares a lot what people think about her, but she doesn't use me like that. She doesn't need to." I must've looked confused because she added, "her mom is, like, really well known around here. She works for channel 7. I never have to worry about why she's my friend because she gets it."
I frowned; I'd experienced that firsthand today. Mia potentially liking me had turned me into someone everyone wanted to know. "Sucks." She nodded. "It's great that you have her. So… not to change the subject, but this Bruno guy. Is it serious?"
"Is that why Felix was drinking? Because he thinks Lake has a boyfriend?"
It would be so easy to blame Lake. Easy but wrong. "No, that's on me. I wasn't paying enough attention."
"Bruno is Lake's cousin."
"Ughhhh," Felix groaned from the bathroom. "I can't compete with family."
"Um, no. He's just her cousin." She looked a little surprised to have to explain herself. Truthfully, if Felix has been sober, she probably wouldn't have.
"Brunooooooooo."
Mia and I both stared toward her bathroom. "I'll tell him when he's sober. I don't think it's landing right now."
She chuckled. "Guess not."
"Guys, can I get a blanket?" I bit my lip before I stood up. I took off Andrew's jacket and threw it toward him. "Thank you."
When I turned back to Mia, she had a small, pleased smile on her face. "You wore yellow."
I looked down at my shirt. The funny thing was that I'd put it on after my disastrous interview as a way of avoiding my problems, but now I wasn't so sure. Maybe I was genuinely wearing this shirt for her. It inexplicably made things even more confusing. "Yeah. Yeah, I did." Then, something else occurred to me. Mia wasn't wearing yellow, so maybe all this panicking had been for nothing. "You didn't. No one at Creekwood caught your eye?" I tried to sound as light and joking as I could.
Mia stood up. "This whole party was Lake's idea," she said softly. "She felt like people get together quicker at themed parties. I didn't like the idea of it. If I like someone, I want it to happen naturally and not just because we're both wasted at a party."
"You aren't wasted," I pointed out.
She chuckled. "No, I'm not. Neither are you."
Before I could think too much about that, Felix audibly groaned. "I'm thirsty!"
I rolled my eyes. "Can't say the same for him. I'm gonna grab him some water. Do you want anything?"
"I'd love some water too."
"Hope tap's cool with you?"
"Why? You can get some from the fridge. We might even have bottles in there if you don't want to bring up a bunch of cups."
I kind of wanted to slap myself because in my quest for water earlier, I didn't think about the fridge. I mean, I wouldn't have gone digging through her fridge without permission regardless, but I wish it had occurred to me to use the built-in water dispenser.
She was right. There were bottles in one of the drawers inside the fridge. I returned a minute later with the water. I passed Mia hers before I gave Felix one. "I need you to drink this whole thing," I warned him. "We have to leave soon, and I need you to be sober or at least closer to it." I sat down next to Mia on her bed.
"I'm not sure there's enough water in the world to help," Mia teased. "You're welcome to crash here if you need to. We have a few spare rooms."
"I think they're occupied right now," I muttered. Mia made a face. "It's fine; I have to go home tonight anyway. My parents wouldn't go for that, but thanks."
"Are your parents strict about stuff like this?"
I thought about her question. It was hard to answer because, to my parents' knowledge, I'd never had a drink in my life. I kind of wanted to keep it that way. "Sort of. They're protective. You know, we're brand new to a city that's like a hundred times the size of the town we moved from."
"This must be a pretty big change for you."
"Yeah, it is." I frowned. "Don't get me wrong; I'm glad we moved. I know that probably sounds weird, but I kind of like that I get a fresh start here."
"Was there something you needed a fresh start from? Let me guess… you killed a guy."
I snorted. "The cops couldn't get a confession and neither will you." I smiled as I looked down at the carpet. "No. It's like… they all knew me. Or they thought they did. There wasn't much room to be anyone other than who they thought I was. It was easy that way, but -"
"Confining?" she guessed.
"Yeah," I agreed.
"I get that. I feel like no matter where you live, being yourself is hard. There are always people who won't be able to deal with who you are. Sometimes, I wish other people would let go of who they think I am, so I have room to really be myself."
"Yeah. I guess that's not just a small town thing. You've lived in Atlanta your whole life, right?" She nodded. "What's your favorite part of the city?"
She looked thoughtful for a minute. "The museums. There's this one art museum that my mom used to take me to all the time when I was little. I was obsessed with it. I used to beg to go back. Once a week, they had events for kids, and she would take me. It's where I fell in love with art. I go through phases with different styles, but I've always loved sculpting. It's the one thing that never gets old for me."
"Why sculpting?" I asked curiously.
"I think it's that it's always been my thing. When my mom left, it was hard for me to be around the stuff she loved. It reminded me of her. Sculpting, though… it was never something we did together. She didn't like it as much as I did, so it didn't hurt to keep liking it." She looked away. "Sorry. I don't know why I told you all of that."
"It's okay." I studied her for a minute; she looked really sad. "You must miss her." Mia shrugged. "I'm sorry you went through all of that with her. It must've been really scary to see her like that before she got help."
Mia stared at me for almost a minute. I fidgeted uncomfortably because I wasn't sure what she was looking for. "It wasn't because it's not the truth."
"Huh?"
"My mom never went to rehab. That's just what I tell people."
"Why?"
"Because it's easier to tell people that drugs were too much for her than to admit that I wasn't enough for her."
"No, Mia. It's not that you weren't enough for her. How could that be possible? You're incredible."
"My dad always chooses work over me; my mom chose everything over me. I'm the common factor. It has to be me." She had a way of speaking where it didn't sound self-deprecating. She mostly sounded like she was listing off a bunch of facts.
"It's not." I could tell she didn't believe me, and I wasn't sure how to convince her. "It's their job to choose you. I'm sorry they don't but that's not your fault."
"It's easy for you to think that," she said softly.
I had no idea what to say to that, and I sensed that she didn't want to talk about this anymore; I decided to change the subject. "Can I ask you a question?" She motioned for me to go ahead. "You live in this big house by yourself."
"Is there a question in there?"
"Yeah. Who kills all the spiders?"
She giggled, and I was relieved that some of the tension dissipated. "I like to think I live in the one house in Atlanta that's spider-free."
"Hmmm. I didn't think I'd have to add delusional to the list."
"What list?" she asked.
"The list of things to describe Mia Brooks, obviously."
"Ah. Well, I think I have a right to hear this list."
I chuckled. "There's friendly. Artistic. Delusional." I glanced at her out of the side of my eye. My heart seemed to speed up a little as I said, "pretty."
"You think I'm pretty?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I really do."
Her eyes kinda fluttered for one second before she looked at me. She had this small smile on her face that was making butterflies swirl in my stomach. I kind of realized that this was my moment.
I wanted to kiss her. I didn't expect that; I didn't expect the excitement that filled me or the hope. I wasn't sure what I was hoping for. Maybe I was hoping I'd get all of my answers or that I'd find out that I truly wanted to be with Mia. Maybe I was merely curious. I didn't know; all I knew was that I started to lean in, and it didn't fill me with complete dread.
Before I had the chance to do it, Felix brought us back to the real world. "Oh, no."
I pulled back, and Mia pointedly looked away from me. "Sorry," I murmured.
"It's fine."
I stood up and when I got to the bathroom, all I could do was stare. "How?" I asked. He had part of his head stuck in the arm of Andrew's jacket, and his shirt was soaking wet. It took one look at the empty water bottle next to him to figure that one out. He was still lying down on the floor which was probably how he'd managed to get so tangled up.
"I can't get it on," he complained.
"Probably because you're sticking your head through the wrong hole." He fully pulled off the jacket and threw it away from him before he laid back down.
"Now I'm cold," he complained.
"I think it's time to get you home."
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and immediately dropped it on his head. "I need to text my mom." He rubbed his nose. "Let her know I'm on my way."
"No, I don't think so." I grabbed his phone from him.
"She needs to know that I'll be home soon."
"Then I will text her." Except, when I tapped his screen, a big 10:49 seemed to scream at me. I was already past curfew. "Shit. We need to go now. I'll text your mom from the bus." My dad was gonna be pissed.
I helped Felix to his feet. He was nowhere near sober enough, but we'd have to deal. We're gonna head out," I told Mia.
"Night."
I hesitated in her doorway. I didn't want to leave things with an almost kiss, but there was only so much I could do when I was supporting Felix. "Thanks for talking tonight. I'll see you on Monday?"
She nodded, so I guided Felix out of her house. The bus stop was only about five minutes away, but it took us nearly fifteen to get there because it was slow moving with Felix. He kept trying to randomly sit down in the middle of the sidewalk and was constantly distracted by the lawn decorations we passed. Especially the garden gnomes.
When we finally got to the bus stop, I pulled out my phone to check the schedule. I hoped we hadn't missed the last bus. I was waiting for the schedule to load when my phone started to ring.
"Hello?"
"Victor? It's Benji." My heart started to pound. I was so sure he found my note and figured out it was from me. "Sorry, it's late. I hope I'm not waking you up."
"I-I'm up, I'm up. Wh-what's going on?" I didn't think I could be more nervous if I tried. I braced myself for what was coming. He got my note and was going to tell me he knew it was me. I was so sure. Why else would he be calling me?
I briefly wondered how he was going to do it. Was he just gonna casually say that he got my note? Was he going to tell me that I shouldn't be turning this into such a big deal? Even if it was unlikely, was he going to say he'd read it aloud to all of his friends? Just as unlikely, was he going to say that he liked me and thought we should date?
Benji cut off my stream of irrational thoughts. "Look, I know today's barista lesson didn't go perfectly, but since none of the rich-ass kids at school need jobs, you're kind of my only applicant," he said. "So, the position is yours."
I was so relieved; it was like I was floating all of a sudden. This wasn't about the letter. If he found it, he didn't realize where it came from. More than likely, he tossed it in the trash and hadn't realized what it was. I was in the clear. I must've waited too long to answer him because he tacked on, "only if you want it."
I'd taken my eyes off of Felix for a moment, so I was surprised when he poked my arm. I pushed his hand away, and he immediately poked me again. I tried ignoring him but that didn't discourage him either. "Yeah. That sounds great. Thanks."
"Well, see you tomorrow and every day after school until the end of time." He chuckled quietly. "We're going to be spending a lot of time together."
Felix poked me again. "Felix, stop," I hissed. "Cool. I can't wait." Another poke. "Felix!" He chuckled and poked me again. Oh my God.
"Is everything okay?" Benji asked uncertainly.
"Yeah, sorry. Felix and I went to a party tonight, and he had a little bit to drink and now… oh my God. Poke me again, and I swear…" I stood up to get away from him. "We're just waiting for the bus."
"You think a bus is running after 11 in Shady Creek?" he asked.
I groaned. "Don't tell me we missed the last bus."
"Okay. I won't tell you that. I'll just say that you're technically hours early for the next one."
I glanced at Felix. There was no way in hell that I was gonna get him to walk the nearly three miles from Mia's house to our apartment, but I really didn't have much of a choice. I put my phone to my chest. "Hey, buddy," I said slowly. "What do you think about taking a nice, long walk?" In response, Felix laid down on the bench. "Cool." I brought my phone back to my ear. "If I'm lucky, I'll get him home before I have to work tomorrow."
I was about to ask Benji what time that was because it dawned on me that he hadn't said, but he spoke before I could. "Do you need help?"
"Are you offering us a ride?"
"There was a slightly too long pause. "No. I, uh, don't have my license. I keep failing the test. I figured I could help you with Felix."
"No, I know it's late," I told him. "I'm sure you have better things to do."
"I don't mind. I just finished closing up Brasstown, so I got the night open. Where are you?"
"Do you know where Mia Brooks lives?"
"Vaguely. I've never been to her place."
I squinted at the street sign. "Does Peachtree ring a bell?"
"Yes, actually. One of my bandmates lives in Peachtree; I think I know what stop you're at. I'll be there in ten minutes."
"Thanks. I owe you one."
Once he hung up, I helped Felix up into a sitting position. I didn't want to have to call my dad because I knew he was going to be pissed, but it would be way worse not to give him a head's up. Felix started to poke me again, so when he lost interest and stood up, I let him wander. I didn't take my eyes off of him; the last thing I needed was for him to accidentally hurt himself.
My dad was expectedly mad, but there wasn't much he could do. He offered to come pick us up, but I thought that was possibly the worst idea in the history of ideas, so I lied and told him I was sure the bus would be here before he could get to us.
No sooner had I hung up on him then the bus pulled up. I almost couldn't believe that it was in front of me, and I knew I had to make a choice. Benji was probably going to be here in five minutes; I should call him and let him off the hook and tell him to go home. I should, but the thought instantly filled me with disappointment. I wanted to see Benji again. Now that I wasn't filled with anxiety and terror that he knew who I was, I wanted to try to figure out what that weird thing that took over me earlier was.
I waved on the bus, and the driver called, "this is the last stop until morning."
"I'm waiting for a ride." I tried to make my words sound slurred, so he'd think I was too drunk to realize I was sitting at a bus stop. I felt really self-conscious about it because I felt like I was laying it on too thick, but the bus driver seemed to buy it. I was grateful that Felix seemed too preoccupied with… some kind of box he found on the ground to even notice that the bus had come.
I stood up and approached Felix. "Benji's going to help us get back to our apartment, so do we think we can sit nicely and wait for him?"
"Benjiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," Felix sang. "He lives like forever away from us."
"Let's pretend that makes sense," I said slowly. "How far are we talking?"
"So far," Felix muttered.
That wasn't helpful. He poked me again. Jesus Christ!
I couldn't wait for Benji to get here. While we waited, I wondered if I'd made a mistake.
A foreboding feeling like I was setting myself up for more confusion, frustration, and heartbreak filled me. It would be fine. As I thought that over and over again, I hoped I could will it into existence.