Trigger Warning - talk of abuse

Happy Holidays!

Chapter 29 Crush the Sheep

The buzzing sound of her phone on the wooden nightstand woke her and Regina blindly reached for it. It was early, too early to be receiving text messages from people, but she grabbed her phone anyway and her heart sank to see it was from her mother, Cora Mills. She was waiting to hear from her. She knew she would be livid once she found out that she had left her husband. She wondered if it was Leopold that informed her, most likely making her sound like the bad guy in this upcoming messy divorce.

She sat up easily, her fractured ribs not as painful anymore. It's been nearly a month since she escaped Leopold, a month living in this loft with Emma and Mary Margaret. Some days were harder than others, but she mostly avoided the younger woman. Since she was well enough to handle the steps, she spent most of her time resting up in the loft away from everyone. She knew Emma was worried, she could see it in her eyes but she didn't say anything. She glanced over across the room where Henry was asleep with Emma in the extra bed David and Mary Margaret had brought up into the loft. They were fast asleep, and she didn't want to wake them.

She carefully made her way down the loft, her fractured ribs aching painfully with each step down. The house was quiet, the curtain that separated Mary Margaret's bedroom was closed, and she tried to be as silent as possible in case she woke her. She wasn't up for a hope speech from her stepdaughter.

She made some tea and then sat at the breakfast bar, opening the text from her mother.

I just had a very unpleasant conversation with your husband. Call me immediately.

Regina groaned. What the hell did Leopold say to her? Her mother knew about the abuse, and had seen him rough with her on more than one occasion. She never stepped in to stop it. She chose not to address it. In fact, it was as if she believed she deserved being treated so badly and she couldn't understand why.

She sipped her tea, lost in thought and feeling worthless thanks to her mother. Self loathing gripped her heart and she couldn't help but fall into a dark headspace. She didn't even realize how much time had passed until her ribs were painfully aching and Emma was suddenly climbing down the loft steps.

"Are you ok?" she asked, her voice sleepy as she came over and sat beside her. Her green eyes flickered to the phone by her now cold mug.

"My mother texted me," she admitted. "Leopold talked to her. I'm not sure what he had said, but it can't be good. She wants me to call her."

Emma looked at her in surprise and then furrowed her brow in contemplation.

"Does she know?" she asked. "About how he was…"

"She does," she cut her off, not wanting to hear the word abuse or beating falling from those lips. "She turned a blind eye to it for years. She probably believes I deserved it."

"Hey…" Emma was suddenly taking her hand and squeezing it. "It doesn't matter what she thinks, because she's wrong. You don't have to call her."

"I think she wants me to go back to him," she said shakily, her hands trembling. Emma only squeezed them tighter. She looked at her with such deep anguished green eyes, Regina's heart felt heavy in her chest.

"How could she want that for you?" she whispered and Regina had to look away from those grief filled eyes. She looked down at their joined hands, a silent comfort between them. Emma was suddenly placing a warm hand on her cheek and coaxing her to look at her before letting her hand fall.

"You don't need her approval. She wants you to live in fear at the hands of a man who abuses you, all for what? Status? Comfort? She doesn't care for your happiness."

"I don't know why I care so much," she admitted.

"Of course you care," Emma assured her. "She's your mother."

"You know, raising Henry… My greatest fear was that I'll be just like her. Strict and controlling. I did everything I could to prevent it and somehow I still became her. I tried controlling him when he started pulling away from me."

"I've never met Cora, but I do know you are nothing like her. You love him more than anything. Can you honestly say that about your mother?"

Regina shook her head, memories of her mother's harsh lessons and punishments flashing through her mind. She wasn't physically abusive, but she did strike her on a rare occasion. She always toyed with her emotions and was manipulative. She made her feel like she was worth nothing. She always told her love was weakness and she needed to marry for power. Marrying Leopold was probably the only thing she ever got her approval on even if it was forced. The one time she had ever told her she was proud of her was on her wedding day.

"Mary Margaret's mother Eva saw the way she treated me. They were always fighting about that. She was more of a mother to me than Cora. When I was little I used to pretend they were my family when I would go over." Regina shook her head in disbelief. "It's kind of sick that I ended up taking her place. There was a time that I had looked up to Leopold as an uncle. I'd never thought I'd be his wife."

"Was he abusive… to Eva?" Emma asked curiously.

Regina shook her head.

"He loved her, and when she got sick, he started drinking. Her death changed him."

They suddenly heard movement from behind the curtain and they silently dropped the subject in case Mary Margaret could hear them. They didn't want to upset her by talking about her parents.

"Are you going to return her call?" Emma asked and Regina shrugged, glancing at the time on the stove. They had a couple of hours until everyone would be getting up for work and school.

"Maybe," she said and then frowned at the next question she was about to ask. She wasn't sure if Emma would agree to it. "Can I go to the station with you? I need to talk to Graham about his involvement in all of this."

"Are you sure?" Emma asked, concerned and maybe even surprised at the fact that she wanted to leave the loft. She hasn't stepped outside since her escape. Aside from her injuries, she's been too afraid of running into her husband. "Leopold might be in the office today."

"I know, but this is something I need to do. I can't keep hiding in this loft."

Emma smiled at her, a proud gleam in her eyes that had her blushing from the attention. Her heart raced and for once it wasn't out of fear. Emma had been there for her through nightmares, panic attacks and even late night discussions like this one for the past month and Regina was learning to open up in ways she never had with anyone before. She's been alone for so long and now she had this person who understood her in ways no ever had; Who noticed her enough to see her behind the ice queen persona she hid behind.

"Come on, we still have a few hours of sleep before we have to be up."

Emma helped her up the loft, the steps easier to navigate now that her ribs have had a month to heal. She slid back into bed and just before Emma could join Henry, Regina suddenly spoke without thinking.

"Emma… Could you stay with me?" she asked, feeling her cheeks grow warm from embarrassment but Emma only smiled, her eyes lighting up as she eagerly got under the blankets and cuddled her close. When did cuddling become normal between them?

She became quiet as she started to realize just how much their relationship evolved to physical contact. They were constantly holding hands, caressing cheeks, running fingers through each other's hair and always cuddling.

"Stop thinking Mills and go to sleep," Emma yawned. "Friends cuddle."

Regina smirked, disagreeing but not daring to voice it out loud. Instead, she snuggled against her chest and let Emma's warmth chased away her worries. Just as she drifted off, she could feel Emma's warm hand moving up and down her back soothing her enough to fall asleep. Their relationship was progressing more and more, but of course they both hid behind the excuse of friendship.

Later that morning, they had both arrived at the station with a close lookout for Leopold. Regina was afraid of running into him, but she knew she couldn't keep hiding in the loft forever. Soon she would have to face him again. Leopold has been quiet since the night she ran and it only made her anxious. That meant he was most likely licking his wounds and concocting a plan to get her and Henry back. There was no way he was going to just let them go. Katherine had mentioned that the only reason he was keeping to himself was to look good for the court. The thought of going back to him after a month of being free from him terrified her. The possibility of Henry going back to him without her scared her even more, and as each day passed of him being silent made her more and more paranoid.

Her injured but healing ribs ached from sitting up on the barstool early this morning and she winced as Emma helped her into Graham's office. She kept silent about her pain; Always used to hiding it and now was no different. The sheriff looked surprised as Emma helped her into a chair across from him.

"Regina?" he questioned, confused as to why she was here.

"I'm heading out on patrol," Emma informed him. "If Leopold comes through that door, call me immediately. I'm trusting you here Graham."

He nodded, his eyes determined to show her that she could at least count on him to keep Regina safe this time. Emma didn't look too convinced. She had put up a good fight about leaving her alone, but Regina refused to have her standing guard. Besides, she knew Leopold's schedule and he should be in meetings all morning. Once Emma was gone with the cruiser keys in her hand, Regina looked at the man who had turned his back on her for years while her husband brutalized her.

"Regina, I…"

"I don't want anymore apologies from you," she cut him off. "I want to know what your plan is. You had a hand in all of this and you can't possibly believe you'll get away with it because you played hero for one night. We both know if it wasn't for Emma and Mary Margaret, I would have been in handcuffs and going back to him."

He let out a resigned sigh. He was conflicted, had been trapped in a corner and exploited by her abuser, but Regina didn't care. He made his choice and now it was time to own up to it. Never again, would she allow him to hide behind her husband with his tail tucked between his legs. Never again would she let him take her back to her prison.

"I'm actually going to turn myself in once I promote Emma to sheriff," he confessed. "With her in charge, Leopold will never have his hands in the station again."

"That isn't going to make any of this better."

"I know," he bowed his head. "Nothing will." He admitted this in a whisper, his voice and face full of so much grief it made Regina sick to her stomach. Where was this grief and humanity when he watched Leopold strike her more than once? When he would beat her in front of him and he literally turned his back on her because he wasn't able to watch her be brutalized. It made her more than angry; She was seething in her seat and she had to control herself from getting up and hitting him; To make him feel what she felt for all these years as she begged him to help her. She wanted to kill him, and the very thought of that scared her so much that the anger fizzled and died and she became emotionless. She hid behind the mask she had perfected after years of hiding behind it.

"Enough," she snarled at him, her tone controlled because if there was any slip of her emotionless mask, she would surely strangle him. "You have no right to feel sorry for yourself, not when you…" She stopped, taking a breath as she tried to control the overwhelming rage that was still threatening to seep through. "You turned your back on me. You watched him hurt me and you never stopped him. Each time I ran you brought me right back to him. So you can continue this little pity party. You can play hero for one night and you can quit your job, but it will never change anything. You will never have my forgiveness."

She stood, afraid that if she stayed she wouldn't be able to control her anger any longer. The mask was slipping. She ignored the sharp pull in her ribs, favoring her dignity.

"Regina, wait." Graham stood and grabbed her arm without thinking. She froze, her mind instantly going back to a time where a touch like this meant she was in trouble. She remembered Leopold's tight grip on her arm and the feeling of his fist teaching her a lesson. She started shaking like a leaf in his grip. The fear was familiar like an old flame and suddenly she was right back in that mansion.

He must have seen her reaction, the way she froze in fear because he instantly let go as if he had burned his hand.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in remorse, his voice snapping her out of her dark memories. She stepped back and looked at him as if he were the monster that had terrorized her for years. She looked at him as if he were Leopold.

"Regina?"

Her chest constricted, feeling too heavy to take a deep breath. Her hands shook and she shoved them in her coat pocket. She pushed back the oncoming panic attack because she needed to focus on getting out of here and away from him. She needed Emma. She needed the sense of safety she got when she was around. She was sure Emma was nearby. There was no way she would have actually driven off on patrol no matter how much Regina refused to have her stand guard.

"Regina…" Graham was calling her name again, not daring to move forward. She took a shaky breath and tried to ground herself enough to speak. She pushed back her fear.

"Don't ever touch me again."

He held his hands up in silent surrender.

She turned towards the door just as he spoke up once more.

"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked with concern.

She scoffed, turning back to him with disgust in her eyes.

"I'll walk," she stubbornly refused.

"But your ribs…"

She turned on him in an instant, the mask falling and her rage completely overtaking her emotions. She rushed at him as if she were the Evil Queen, driven by unrelenting rage and power. He actually stepped back in fear and she relished in it.

"Don't act like you suddenly care!" she snapped, aggressively grabbing his throat. He gasped in shock as he fearfully looked into her blazing dark eyes. "You are a pathetic little man hiding under my husband's shadow! You are a sheep, and do you know what happens to sheep who follow those in power?" She squeezed his throat enough to make him wheeze. "They get crushed," she said darkly, her eyes having no remorse. "And I'm going to enjoy watching you go down with that imbecile you hide behind. And if for some reason you get off easily, I will destroy you if it's the last thing I do."

She let go of him and he stumbled back from her in shock as she leveled him with a dangerous glare. He couldn't even speak as she stormed from the office. The moment she made it outside, the anger that had encompassed her washed through her until she was shaking and gasping for breath. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Panic replaced the anger, and she suddenly couldn't move. Her body shook and it felt as if ice cold water was streaming in her veins. Her vision blurred, and her mind suddenly became foggy as she fell into a full blown panic attack.

It wasn't until warm hands were suddenly cupping both of her cheeks and forcing her to meet green worried eyes, then she was able to take a sudden breath. A soft voice was talking to her, but she couldn't comprehend a single word.

Emma.

She knew she hadn't gone far. She suddenly just broke down in tears, unable to pull herself from the overwhelming fear she had fallen into. The panic attack that had threatened to pull her under earlier, had now completely submerged her.

Pain tore through her side, her ribs more than just sore at this point, and its sharp ache was what pulled her from the fog her mind had fallen into.

"Regina…" Emma's muffled words finally became clear. "You're ok, just slow your breathing. You're safe." She was suddenly coaxing her into her arms, holding her close and trying to snap her out of her panic attack with her warm embrace. It took her a moment to comprehend Emma's arms around her, but she wrapped her arms around her tightly, burying her face into her shoulder.

"Shhh, you're ok," Emma whispered into her ear, holding her as she cried and then tried to pull herself together. She was trembling but her breaths slowed, suddenly becoming easier to breath as the heaviness in her chest lessened. The panic dissipated and with it came pain and exhaustion. She winced as she pulled away to meet Emma's gaze. Emma brought a hand up to her cheek, caressing her in an effort to comfort her. Touch between them had become so normal, Regina didn't even question it anymore. She leaned into it.

"What happened?" Emma asked quickly. "Was it Leopold?" She was so worried, Regina was quick to calm her. She wasn't even thinking. She kissed her cheek and then blushed as she realized what she had done. Emma froze, her mouth falling open and then she smiled the most beautiful smile Regina has ever seen.

"What was that for?" she asked, grinning.

"For… being my friend," Regina admitted softly, wiping the tears from her eyes. For some reason those words weren't right. Emma brought a hand to her cheek, the spot where she had kissed her. There was a look in those green eyes, a certain emotion she couldn't quite decipher.

"Was it him?" she asked again, her smile fading. Regina shook her head, missing the smile that had lit up Emma's face.

"No," she shook her head. "Emotions escalated and well… I said what I needed to say," she sighed, not wanting to describe the fear that had rushed over her when he had grabbed her arm, or the blinding rage that followed. "Besides, he's quitting and he's promoting you as sheriff."

"What?" Emma was shocked, her eyes widened and Regina saw a flash of panic at the responsibility that was being thrown at her. She could understand the pressure that came with the job, but she believed Emma would make an exceptional head sheriff.

"He doesn't want Leopold to have his hands in the station ever again."

"I guess it's his first step towards redemption."

Regina scoffed at the word.

Emma had taken her back to the loft, not oblivious to the pain Regina had been in once she had calmed down from her panic attack. She had circled the town hall several times, not really intending to go on patrol when Regina was in the station and so close to her husband. She had seen Regina storming from the station door and immediately knew something was wrong by her tense posture and the way she stopped in her tracks. When she had approached her, it was then that she had seen the tears streaming down her face. She wasn't sure what happened that caused such an intense reaction and Regina wasn't willing to share anything else besides the fact that emotions had escalated. When she was settled in bed with an ice pack on her ribs and had taken some ibuprofen, Emma assured her that she was safe. She'd check back in during her break. The building manager and security knew not to let Leopold past the doors and she had just recently installed a doorbell camera so that she could keep watch when she wasn't there.

Once Emma was done with the rest of her patrol she headed back to the station. Graham was working on some paperwork in his office when she came in. She took a seat and he looked up at her. His eyes were red and by the dark circles under his eyes, she could tell he hadn't been sleeping. She looked down to see the forms he was filling out and realized they were her promotion papers. Beside it were the papers for his resignation and a stack of resumes for potential officers.

"Regina told me."

"Once it's processed, you'll be the one in charge around here and I'll be gone. I also have some interviews lined up for some officers and a new deputy."

"You had to know this was coming sooner or later. She couldn't have lasted forever in that house."

He slammed down his pen and she could see the self loathing flashing across his face.

"You know the first time he hit her in front of me, I was ready to take him in. That was when he threatened me and she looked at me, pleading with me to not listen to him. She asked me for help over and over and then the day I brought her back to him after she ran off to Atlantic City, she changed. She was angry. She never asked me to help her anymore. She looked at me today as if she were looking at him. A monster."

Emma shook her head in disbelief. She didn't feel sorry for him. In fact, she lost all respect for him.

"Your job is to protect the people of this town." She was seething and he hung his head. "You brought her back to him each time she ran. You turned your back on her while he beat the shit out of her. You can turn yourself in and you can resign as sheriff. Hell! You can go to prison for the rest of your life, but you will never earn her forgiveness."

She angrily started grabbing all the resumes he had stacked up before him.

"And I will be the one deciding who qualifies for this job, because never again will I allow anyone working here to turn a blind eye to domestic violence. No one is ever controlling this station ever again."

She worked alone, ignoring her boss for the rest of the day and went through the resumes to pick out a reasonable group of interviews. By the end of the day she was so exhausted she just wanted to get home to Regina and Henry.

She didn't even say goodnight to Graham.

When she finally arrived at the loft, the sight before her warmed her heart as she deposited her coat and slipped off her boots by the door. Mother and son were on the couch together, cuddling and reading comic books. She smiled softly, her heart soaring to see how much their relationship was improving. Of course there was still a lot to work through between mother and son, but for now Henry was no longer pushing her away and Regina wasn't holding on to him so tightly. Perhaps this was a glimpse of how it used to be.

"Room for one more?" Emma asked, gaining their attention, and her cheeks warmed at the endearing smile Regina sent her. She held the blanket up, beckoning her to join them. She slid in beside her, her warm body pressed against hers as she cuddled under the blanket. Regina shifted so that her body fit perfectly against Emma's.

"How was work?" she asked and Emma couldn't help but think that this could simply just be a normal evening of her coming home to her family after a long day. This is what she wanted. She couldn't keep denying the connection between them, the desire to kiss her and run her fingers through those dark locks. "Emma?"

She shook her head as dark eyes looked at her with concern.

"Sorry, it's just been a long day," she explained.

"Do you want to choose the next one Emma?" Henry asked sweetly from Regina's other side, pointing to the stack of comic books on the coffee table. She leaned forward, grabbing one from the top and handing it over to their son. She held Regina as she listened to them alternate in reading different scenes and characters.

Regina's hand slid into Emma's lap underneath the blanket to take her hand as her phone started buzzing on the coffee table. It was Cora. Regina hasn't called her back, and Emma was more than happy to just let it ring.