Author's note: Hi everyone! I'm back after my short break and very keen to get back into writing again. I'm trying to take every opportunity I can to write at the moment, because I'll be moving to a new city in a couple of weeks to start my PhD. It's super exciting, but I'll no doubt be very busy, so I want to get as much of this story written in advance. I'll try to keep publishing the chapters as regularly as I have been, but if there's a delay then you know why. I also plan to revise the previous chapter as it didn't go through as thorough an edit process as the other chapters and well, in my opinion it shows, so my apologies for that. It will be updated soon. Anyway, I loved writing this chapter and the next so I hope you enjoy them. This is the first of two longer chapters as promised.

Chapter XII

"You look like you have a secret."

Chrissy appeared next to me, her voice in an excited whisper. Secret hook-up or recreational drug taking? Take your pick, I thought wryly.

I had been midway through untying the laces on my sneakers, getting ready for cheerleading practice, when my mind had begun to wander. I recalled being alone with Eddie in the den, me straddling him on the sofa, the feel of his hands gripping my waist, the mysterious sweet taste of his lips that I couldn't get enough of…

Chrissy's voice had startled me, bringing me back to the present and away from this pleasant memory. My face flushed red, and I suddenly became flustered at her words. What did she know? What had my face given away?

I laughed nervously. "Never from you."

"What's got you looking so happy?" she asked. She sat down on the bench in the locker room next to me, placing her gym bag between us. She was already dressed in her cheerleading outfit, so she simply watched as I got ready. "Or maybe I should say who?"

"No one!" I protested, maybe a little too strongly.

"It's not Chance, is it?" she probed, her brow wrinkled in concern.

"God, no," I answered, unable to hide my disdain. She seemed relieved in part but my vehement reaction had clearly led to other concerns.

"He's not giving you a hard time again, is he?"

I shook my head. It was true, he'd gone quiet for now. We mostly avoided each other, and when we couldn't, we held each other at a reasonably respectful, silent distance.

"I guess things are just… going well." I couldn't hide my smile. Chrissy gave me a sidelong look like she didn't believe that was all it was, but that she'd humour me for now. Silence fell between us as I continued to change. Chrissy put her foot up on the bench, retying a shoelace that had come loose.

"Speaking of Chance…" she began again. I cringed as I pulled my uniform on.

"No thanks," I laughed. "There's only so much I can take."

"Hear me out," she pleaded. I said nothing, her signal to go on.

"His party, next week." I could already see her priming her best puppy dog eyes, blue eyes wide and bright. "Are you in?"

I cringed. I undressed, hanging my clothes on the peg in front of me and using the moment to consider my answer.

Everyone had been talking about this party. Half the school had been invited and everyone else was vying for a chance to go anyway. Chance's parties were pretty well known among the students – his parents were frequently out of town and didn't much care what he got up to while they were away. I'd kept quiet when Chance had invited our table at lunch, but I knew it was only a matter of time until Chrissy would ask if I wanted to go. My mind was saying a big fat 'no', but I knew she wouldn't accept that answer – our friendship was a succession of situations where she coaxed me to do things, never wanting to see me miss out. I had a lot to thank her for in that respect, but this time I wasn't so convinced.

"I can't think of a single reason why I'd want to go," I said cynically. I pulled my cheerleading top over my head and adjusted it, so it sat just right on my waist.

"No? Not a single one?" She framed her face with both hands, smiling sweetly and batting her eyelashes.

"Ok, fine – one." I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh. I pulled on my skirt and zipped up the side.

"You can't miss it. I need you to be there." She looked at me dead in the eye like it was life or death that I go – like she wouldn't spend the whole thing with Jason, even if I was there.

"Oh, come on," I scoffed. "You don't need me there. You can hang out with Jason. Jessica's going, anyway. Melissa, Jennifer, they'll all be there."

"None of those people are a replacement for my best friend." She pouted her lips.

"Oh, you're gonna play that card, huh?" I said sardonically. She looked at me with doe eyes.

"I'll try," I promised her, hoping that would placate her for now. I pulled on my socks one by one.

"You have to," she pleaded. "Say that you're at my house—for a sleepover or something. That usually works, right?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, my mom usually buys that."

"Then it's sorted then." Chrissy clapped her hands together and looked very pleased with herself.

"Well—" I began to protest – I'd only said I'd try after all.

"You'll be there." I wasn't sure if it was a question or a command. Something between the two. I didn't complain though, I knew she just wanted to encourage me out of my comfort zone.

"Er…sure," I replied, forcing a small smile. "I can't say no to you, Chrissy. But you knew that didn't you?"

She gave an innocent smile. She knew I'd do anything for her – even go to Chance's stupid house for his stupid party.

It was official. Hawkins High parties sucked. Were they always like this or was I only just noticing it?

I stood outside Chance's house, music thumping through the wall behind me, watching fairy lights flash on and off in the garden. Fully clothed partygoers were messing around in the pool, dripping wet and screeching as they splashed water at one another. I leant against the wall of the house at the back door, my jacket pulled around me, but nevertheless still slightly shivering in the cold November evening. A guy I recognised from Math class had gifted me a cigarette, and I listened, an offshoot of his group, as they chatted and laughed.

This was why I ended up getting with Chance in the first place. Boredom. Parties were great until the alcohol was flowing and everyone started hooking up. I'd done it to have something to do, and for the cheap thrill of knowing a guy wanted me. I'd thought that was an achievement before, I'd actually enjoyed attracting him – without really caring that I didn't feel much beyond that for him. Pretty pathetic really. And selfish. But I was trying to learn, to be better.

Back then, being with Eddie wasn't my only foray into rebellion. There was no way my strict mom was ever going to let me attend a party. I mean, it's not like she would lock me up – I was allowed to go to the mall, hang at friend's houses, go to the movies, that kind of thing, but not a party. She'd think it was too distracting. So, I'd just told her I was at someone's house for a sleepover. Any lie felt justified if it made my life easier – if it gave me just a little ounce of joy.

After all, before Eddie, I was all in with this life. I cheered along with the big basketball games, got excited about house parties, and spent hours trying on dresses at the mall to find something to wear. I knew it was all somewhat shallow, but it was fun – and sometimes, what I really needed in my life was just a little bit of that. Besides, it had felt pretty darn good making the cheerleading squad in freshman year, getting to sit with the popular kids and not feeling left out. And the bits that weren't 'just a bit of fun' – baiting Eddie and the other misfits at Hawkins High – well, that was easy to forget about, until now of course.

Now I thought differently.

The day of the party, I'd attempted to make things bearable by inviting Eddie. His response, while obnoxious, wasn't all that surprising. We'd met at the picnic table behind the track field. Eddie had bent over laughing, long hair swaying, clutching his stomach dramatically.

"It's not that funny…" I had grumbled in return, but he didn't stop.

"Okay, okay, I take it back," I continued with a certain amount of bite. "You're uninvited."

I was leant against the table, arms folded, trying to resist the urge to roll my eyes. Instead, I'd given him an unamused look.

I'd seen him before at parties. Not there to join in, of course – he'd flit in and out with certain deliveries, stopping to collect his money and maybe to steal a can of beer, before zooming off again in his van. I thought he might like to make an appearance at this one too. I pictured stolen glances across a room of dancing bodies, secret make out sessions in dark closets while everyone else wondered where I was. I delighted in imagining people's faces if I turned up with him. It had been a stupid suggestion though.

When he'd continued laughing, I grabbed a small rock from the ground at my feet at threw it at Eddie in revenge. It had hit his arm, protectively clad in his usual leather jacket, with a soft, anti-climactic thwack and dropped back to ground.

"Watch it, Hartley," he'd joked, standing straight again, his laughter now just a smile on his lips.

"Or what?" I had challenged.

"Or else," he purred. Eddie launched himself at me, grabbing me by the waist. My cry of surprise had turned into laughter as he wrapped his arms around me from behind and bundled me to the ground. We'd rolled among the leaves until he was on his back with me on top of him. I couldn't help but enjoy the feel of his body against mine, enjoying these snatches of rare proximity.

I rolled off him, catching my breath. The ground had felt cold and hard on my back.

"Should I take that as a 'no' to the party then?" I'd asked playfully.

"There are many things I would do for you, Hartley," Eddie had replied, picking a stray leaf from my hair. "But going to Chance Garcia's party is not one of them."

After that I couldn't be mad at him.

I already knew that the party would be significantly less interesting to me without Eddie there, however, but I'd made a promise to Chrissy to go.

Chance's house was the biggest in Loch Nora sat at the end of the cul-de-sac, slightly set back from the road – the perfect place for a party. Jessica, our reluctant designated driver, had driven us over to Chance's once we'd got ready at her house – all the while having a few swigs from a bottle of some unfamiliar, unpleasant-tasting alcohol that she'd stolen from her parent's drinks cabinet to get us in the mood.

"Shit," I had exclaimed as we pulled into Loch Nora and approached my house. "I hope my mom isn't looking out the window right now."

It would have been just my luck. Almost like she had a sixth sense for when I was up to no good. If she'd looked out, she'd know Jessica's car from all the times she'd picked me up or dropped me home. Jessica sped up a little as we passed by, but even so, I had ducked down in my seat, feeling paranoid. We'd all laughed as Melissa grabbed her coat and threw it over me for extra measure. They knew just what my mom was like.

When we had pulled up Chance's sweeping driveaway, I was grateful that it wasn't Chance's face that greeted us at the door. Chrissy seemed to share my sentiment and gave my hand a nudge as we had entered. She mouthed phew and I had responded with a look of relief. The day of the party, while at school, I'd briefed her about avoiding Chance and she had promised to help me as much as she could.

"Now to avoid him for the rest of the night," I had whispered to her as we crossed into the house. In response, she'd taken my hand and given it a squeeze.

"I got you," she had whispered back, giving me a reassuring smile.

The party had started great. It had been already in full swing when we'd arrived and we'd quickly slipped into the crowd of familiar faces, drinking cups of punch and dancing along with everyone else to the music pumping through speakers in the living room. Chrissy was true to her word and helped me avoid Chance all evening. When he'd come over to say hi when we arrived, she'd stuck herself to my side, always speaking first in the conversation and answering any questions he tried to put to me. But she couldn't protect me all night. I knew she wanted to hang out with Jason and when she'd left me to find him, I was left open to Chance's attentions. He'd not wasted much time before taking the opportunity to speak to me.

Not long after I'd watched Chrissy's small frame slip into the crowd to find Jason, my heart had dropped as the tall figure of Chance appeared. I whipped my head round frantically to find my friends, trying to pretend I hadn't seen him, but I knew I'd briefly caught his eye. I hoped he wouldn't come over, but when I had glanced back, he had already been pushing his way through the dancers. If Chrissy was with me, she'd have grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into another room, but the other girls, Melissa and Jennifer, still thought we were hooking up. To be honest, I'd purposefully kept it that way, all the easier to hide who I was really hooking up with.

"Veronica."

Chance had quickly appeared at my side. The girls raised their eyebrows and smirked, sliding away to give us our privacy. I wished I'd told them now, what he was really like, so they wouldn't have left me alone with him.

"Hey Chance," I had replied, trying to be as disinterested as possible while still being civil. It was his house after all. For some reason, at that time, I'd still felt the need to maintain a veneer of politeness.

"Having a good time?" He leant forward a little bit too far and I realised he'd had a few drinks more than I had. I veered back slightly to avoid him.

"Yeh, sure. Great party," I said, trying not to sound too enthusiastic while still attempting to hide my disdain for him. I looked around the packed room to appear disinterested and distracted. "I'm just trying to find Chrissy."

I made to brush past him and walk away, thinking he would easily buy the lie, but he blocked me with his arm.

"Don't worry, she's with Jason. You can stay right here. It's been a while, huh?" he had crooned. His voice had been soft, coaxing, but that put me even more on edge.

"Yeah, that wasn't an accident," I said derisively. I glanced back over my shoulder, but the other girls had been enveloped by the crowd.

"What?" Chance had looked confused at that. His eyes were glazed over, and it was clear he had only been half paying attention to what I was saying. I couldn't be bothered to explain and instead waved a hand to dismiss the comment. I said nothing more, but instead had taken a large mouthful of the drink I held. The concoction of vodka and something incredibly sweet burned the back of my throat slightly.

"You look cute tonight." He was nothing if persistent. Apparently, giving him the cold shoulder for the last couple of weeks hadn't done much to deter him. I was an easy target for a hook-up. In his mind, he might as well try his luck and prove to the guys that he could get me after all. I was an unfinished sentence, a goal he'd missed too many times. He slung an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. His breath smelt of the saccharine punch.

"Do you maybe want to go upstairs for a bit?" He whispered in my ear, his voice low and dark.

"No, that's ok," I replied, thinking about how I could get out of this conversation.

"Come on, babe. You had fun before."

"Not this time. I'm not interested anymore. I'm sorry, Chance," I shrugged. I pulled myself out of his hold.

Don't apologise for not being interested, that's what I'd say to myself now. I didn't owe him anything, but the need to be liked, to do the right thing, was still so deeply ingrained in me.

"What's gotten into you?" I had been momentarily taken aback by his change in tone, as if it was the first time he'd shown me his more aggressive side.

"What do you mean?" I balked.

"What's your problem? You used to be into this," he had gestured back and forth between us, moving his face down to my level and pushing it closer to mine – too close. I flinched back instinctively.

"I changed my mind," I'd responded dryly, recovering my composure, and looking him directly in the eye – perhaps then the message would get through. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"You're seeing someone else." He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Yes, because the only reason I wouldn't be interested in you is because I was seeing some other guy, I had thought to myself. Well, he wasn't wrong, but I'd lost interest long before Eddie had come into the picture. "Aren't you?"

"No," I answered, a little too late. Now I could add this to the long list of lies I'd been telling recently. I felt considerably less guilty about lying to Chance, however. I had hoped he hadn't noticed the tiny moment of hesitancy, but I was wrong.

"Who is it?" he pressed.

"I'm not seeing anyone, Chance."

"I don't believe you."

I had opened my mouth to protest but he cut across me before I could gather my thoughts.

"Wait, is he here?" He'd looked about as if the mystery man might be standing there right next to us. I was glad that Eddie hadn't agreed to make an appearance in the end.

"What? No—I mean, there's no one. You're being crazy." I shook my head as if it might make him disappear from in front of me.

"He is, isn't he?" he insisted, his voice dropping lower. There was a note of danger in it that I hadn't heard before. "You'd better tell me. I'll find out who it is."

"It's none of your business who I date. You don't own me, Chance," I cried, my voice rising.

I gave him a small shove. He knocked into the guy behind him, making him spill his drink. I grasped the opportunity and made my getaway.

I had pushed my way through the throng of moving people, not caring who got in my way, until I escaped the stuffy, dark house and emerged in the garden. The cold air had hit me hard, making my eyes water and nose sting, but I could finally exhale. Some of the tension left my body. My heartrate settled again.

The sound of Chrissy's tinkled laughter had drawn my attention to a group seated on the patio. Jason sat at the centre with Chrissy ensconced on his lap, giggling at something he was whispering in her ear; Andy and some other guys from the basketball team sat around him, laughing loudly and swigging back cups of beer. Jessica had joined them too by now, sat at Andy's side. I had watched as she smiled and threw her strawberry blonde hair back over shoulder, trying to get his attention. I knew I'd find no allies there.

And so, I found myself alone, taking slow drags of the cigarette to help me relax. I breathed smoke into the still evening air. I watched as it dissipated, fading into the black night beyond the lights of the patio. I felt calmer.

Once, I finished the cigarette, I ducked back into the house, looking for any familiar faces. I meandered past the moving bodies until I was in the kitchen. I grabbed another cup of punch, deciding that more alcohol was the solution (which hindsight now tells me it most definitely never is). I winced as I took a gulp of the red liquid, which someone had clearly spiked with a mixture of unidentifiable alcohols. The sound of Madonna's Material Girl blared from the speakers. Despite the earlier incident, I couldn't help but smile to myself – Eddie was right, he'd have hated it here.

I wondered what he was doing at that moment. I imagined dancing with him to the beating music playing in the living room if he had come, our bodies brushing up against each other – his hands directing my hips to the music and my palms sliding up the inside of his jacket to feel the toned muscles of his torso. Maybe we'd even sneak off to a dark cupboard to fool around without anyone else knowing. The thought of it made my stomach drop and I felt a familiar heat flow through my body – the way I always felt whenever I thought about being close to Eddie.

I couldn't say whether it was my raging teenage hormones, the few cups of punch that I'd had during the evening, or maybe even the myopic focus that the regular consumption of those little white pills gave me, but a flip switched in my brain. I was only focused on one thing and that thing was going to find Eddie. Just as soon as I had decided on my goal, my mind raced with how I might find out where he lived and whether he was even home – or whether it was totally inappropriate for me to turn up out of the blue.

Like when he turned up at my house, I reminded myself. Suddenly it didn't seem so crazy.

I stood paralysed, overwhelmed with where to start. The dull thud of music from the living room reverberated around me. The middle of a busy party was unsurprisingly the worse place to have done this. Without warning, a tall kid fell into me, still laughing from whatever joke he'd been part of. He recovered quickly, turning to face me with concern.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, don't sweat it," I replied, reassuring him with a smile and shrugging off his look of concern. I had more important things to think about.

He was a young guy, muscular with a high-top haircut. When I looked properly at this face, I recognised him. He was a freshman – I'd seen him try out for the basketball team and he'd recently started hanging out with Jason, once they knew he could make the cut. But I'd also seen him with the Hellfire Club – maybe even wearing their t-shirt and sitting at their table at lunch at the start of the semester, before the guys had taken him in. Clearly, he'd switched allegiances, but maybe, just maybe, he could be of help to me.

"Hey, you're in the Hellfire Club."

His eyes darted towards his friends, who were standing nearby. He seemed apprehensive, the words instantly putting him on edge, but his friends – a few of the younger members of the basketball team – didn't seem to be paying attention to our conversation.

"Er, yeah, I was… for a bit." He gave a nervous laugh. "I'm Lucas."

"Veronica." I shook his outstretched hand. "You… know Eddie, right?"

He frowned at the mention of Eddie's name, probably wondering why I was interested and whether I might rat him out to the rest of the basketball team for knowing their public enemy number one. Yet again, my reputation really did work against me.

"Eddie Munson?" he questioned. "No, I—" He gestured over his shoulder, as if to direct me to his 'real' friends. I didn't have time to get caught up in the social politics of it all.

"It's ok." I reassured him. "I know him."

Lucas gave a small frown and I guessed he was wondering how exactly I knew Eddie – other than the way everyone else in the school knew him.

"He's my… student. I tutor him." I wanted to say friend, but even that still wouldn't have been an accurate description of our relationship. Boyfriend felt pretty audacious at that stage – not that I'd have ever let that slip. "You don't need to pretend you don't know him."

"Um, kind of then… I guess," he admitted.

He glanced over his shoulder – no doubt wanting to get out of this conversation about a strange guy that few people wanted to be associated with and back to his friends.

I had this one chance to ask.

"Do you know where he lives?"