Chapter 4

Loneliness…. That was what Kitty was feeling. In the past year there had been so much change for the Bennet family. Her two eldest sisters had both gotten married. That had been the first change. The second and most shocking to all in the family was Mary's sudden marriage. It had only taken place about two months previous, when she fell in love with the new parson in town. Their previous parson was getting on in years and had decided it was time for him to retire. So he moved to London to be with his eldest daughter who lived there with her family. That's when the new parson a Mr Taylor moved to town.

Mary was somewhat shy around him, but as Mr Taylor was rather outgoing he would find ways to include her into the conversation. Many in the neighborhood thought he had been interested in Kitty. Maria Lucas had even asked her about her relationship with him. Kitty was absolutely astounded, she knew he often visited their house and that her mother would often try to throw them into company together. However, she could not contemplate why they would think she was attached to Mr Taylor. And she didn't give them much credit in regards to their observation, after all none of them knew about her attachment to Captain Stanford well over a year ago.

Kitty herself was rather oblivious to Mary's attachment to Mr Taylor as well, but after the neighborhood thought he had an attachment to her, she paid more attention and she noticed the attention he subtly gave to Mary. Mary also seemed drawn to Mr Taylor and they were quick to become engaged and get married after Kitty's observations.

So here Kitty sat by the window in her quiet bedroom, since her own mother didn't quite know what to do with her and she preferred to stay out of her mothers way. For their relationship was rather strained after Lydia married and moved away. Mr Bennet came out occasionally but as usual spent the vast majority of his time in his book room. Kitty spent the last two months since her sister Mary had married wondering about what she was to do with her life. She still didn't really want to get married, her heart still belonged with her Phillip. But he could be married himself already. Or have a courtship going at the very least. He was a very hansom man, so Kitty was sure he would not stay unattached.

She again contemplated taking up work. She didn't feel she was smart enough to be a governess, but perhaps she could find a position as a companion. Although that sort of life sounded rather dull, and not in line with what Kitty had always dreamed for her future. As she contemplated the future there was a knock at her bedroom door. She got up from the window seat and answered the door to find Mrs Hill the housekeeper with a letter for her.

Kitty accepted the letter and after closing the door proceeded to sit back in the window seat to read her letter. As she looked at the address she noticed that it was Jane's handwriting, so she opened it and read its condense.

My Dearest Kitty,

I do hope you are well my dear sister. I have missed you very much over the past year. We have been in the country of Derbyshire lately, as I have spent much of my time redecorating our new estate. As I have written in the past it is very near Pemberly. So I have seen much of our sister Elizabeth. I am sure you a quite bored and overwhelmed as your being the last of us sisters to live at home with mother and father. Although I am glad and take comfort that Mary lives very near you. But I am sure it is not an easy situation.

Kitty dearest I must tell you we have not forgotten about you, and Charles and I would love for you to come to town with us for the season this year. I feel it is your turn to find a suitable gentleman to spend you life with. I also know there are not many single men in the country of Herfordshire.

I have written to father as well and I am sure he will give his consent. So please dearest I hope you will join us in town. Elizabeth and Mr Darcy will also be in town this winter, as Miss Darcy is to have her come out this year. We look forward to seeing you soon dear sister.

Jane Bingley

Kitty looked at the letter in shock. She really didn't think either of her two eldest sisters would invite her to town. But now that Jane had, her thoughts were in slight turmoil. Her father would of course give his consent, and Mrs Bennet would absolutely insist upon it. So she would have to go.

After some thought Kitty decided to try and enjoy this trip, after all it very well might be the only time in her life that she would get to go to London. Plus she would get to experience a season. In regards to finding a husband…. Kitty still felt torn. So she decided to force herself to be open minded. After all her sisters minus Lydia all got to marry for love, although from Lydia's most recent letters she seemed happy with Captain Denny. Therefore the odds of Kitty falling in love again seemed rather bleak. And she truly had no desire to fall in love with anyone else. So perhaps she could find someone she could tolerate….

Kitty shook her head, she was determined to be open minded, but she could not bring herself to think to in depth about the matter. So she pushed the thoughts from her mind and decided to practice a new piece of music she was working on…

Two weeks later Kitty found herself in London with sister and brother in law. They had picked her up on their way to London on their way there from Derbyshire, even though it was out of the way for them. So they stayed with the family at Longboure for two days and then continued on the way for London. Once they arrived and settled in at the Bingley townhouse, Jane took her sister shopping for an appropriate wardrobe. She had decided on many greens, yellows and pinks in regards to fabrics. The dresses would be the best that Kitty had ever owned, but she noticed that both Jane and Miss Caroline Bingley had much finer gowns. Jane wanted to give Kitty a little more money so she could fit in better with the ton, but Mr Bennet's pride would not allow it.

Kitty really didn't care if she was dressed as good as the ton. She viewed herself as a country gentlewomen and as such her new wardrobe would be very becoming of her. Miss Bingley snickered at her and the very simple designs that would become her dresses. It seemed that in the past year Miss Bingley herself had not matured at all even though she was quite a bit older than Kitty. Kitty on the other hand as we know had changed much in the same time, resulting in a maturity beyond her years.

That evening after much dress shopping Jane and Mr Bingley we having a family dinner in which they invited the Darcys. During dinner they all discussed the start of the season. The Darcys had already been in town for several weeks and they had attended a few parties already. They also had plans for a ball the following Friday for Miss Darcy's come out ball. Elizabeth had been planning for the event for the past two months, and it would be her first time as hostess for such a large gathering. However in true Elizabeth fashion she was not the least bit intimidated by the ordeal, but she was rather excited.

About mid way through their dinner Miss Bingley asked, "So Miss Darcy, have you got any admires so far? For a girl as beautiful as yourself I would think would have several."

"Well..." Miss Darcy started as she blushed a deep shade of red. "I guess there are two gentlemen who have paid some attention to me." Mr Darcy looked most displeased at the direction of the conversation. It was not typically appropriate for anyone to ask such a question unless you were family or a close friend. Miss Bingley tended to think she was both.

"Pray tell us...I should like to know who they are?" Miss Bingley questioned further.

"The Duke of Devonshire and Lord Cavendish." The young girl replied shyly all the while restraining a giggle. In the past year Miss Darcy had come out of her shell and she was almost like she was before Mr Wickham's attempted elopement with her. Elizabeth tended to think she was much more refined than her younger sisters including Kitty. But Georgiana although usually more quiet than the Bennet girls, was just a young girl preparing for her come out. Hence she herself had some maturing of her own to do.

"A duke and an earl… well it seems you shall be the success of the season Miss Darcy." Miss Bingley commented. She was trying to be friends with the young girl because if she did indeed marry well, Miss Bingley wanted that for a future connection.

Kitty didn't say much during the whole discussion. They continued talking about what possible matches could be made this year for both Miss Bingley and Miss Darcy. Once in a while Miss Bingley would make some slight dig on Kitty's prospects or her simple wardrobe. But Kitty didn't care, she really had no desire to attract anyone with a title and she really still hadn't come to terms with marring anyone.

After dinner Miss Bingley and Miss Darcy played the pianoforte. They both wanted to practice for they knew at some point in the season they would be expected to play. This left no time for Kitty to exhibit her own new skill on the instrument. She really did not mind, although her playing was still rather simple compared to other girls her age, her voice on the other hand was exceptional. Mrs Addington nee King (formerly Mary King) had done a fantastic job in training her untrained voice. So that now there were few who could compare. Kitty's voice was one of her best kept secrets.

That evening as Kitty readied for bed she felt slightly lost. She needed to spend some time and contemplate what she wanted out of life. Miss Bingley and Miss Darcy seemed to have major plans for the season, whereas Kitty really just came as it was expected of her. She thought about the future a little longer...she really did want to have her own children someday...and she absolutely didn't want to be dependent on her family for her future. But just like ever time she tried to imaging marrying someone other than Phillip, her heart filled with despair and longing for what once was. Kitty sighed and after about half the night was through she finally fell into a deep fitful sleep.