AN: Merry Christmas y'all, and happy new year! Not much to say other than I finally have my first draft of my original book written, now on to revisions, revision, and revisions.

Chapter 11

Wolf and Malaise

Edmund's spiritual intuition proved true concerning Holo's dire situation, for it truly was dire. She lay confined to her sick bed stricken with fever and delirium. She would rarely open her eyes, and when she did, they were etched with confusion and fear. She would fight against Doc when he coaxed her into eating and drinking, and when she did succumb, the morsels and sips she could tolerate were so minuscule they were beyond satiating; any larger and she risked choking.

Least accommodating of all was the wagon ride. It was an ill vented, hard wood floored mode of transportation, stuffed with sequestered heat while shaking constantly which did nothing but to further torment the galling sufferer.

Doc had laid another freshly wetted rag along her forehead when Ranger trotted up to inquire her progress. Doc parted the canvas so he could see for himself the pale skinned, woman, soaked with sweat and moaning.

He reigned back parallel with Emilio who also desired to know her condition.

"Unchanged." was all he told him.

The party moved along under a silent sky for another hour or so when Doc called for a break. Stetson and Terrance agreed, namely for the horses who, if not properly rested and watered, would turn sour against their masters.

Everyone pulled off the beaten path for lunch and to ease their saddle sores. It was not near late enough for a fire pit so Agatha and Jethro broke out the hard bread and goat cheese.

They all attempted to eat in peace but of all things keeping the harmony were the animals. Monty was gnawing on his halter wanting to establish his dominance over the new horses, Jericho, Titan and the ill mannered Amigo. The latter of which constantly pulled on his tie down while neighing incessantly.

Even Kaytaff acted out of line, taking a keen interest in Collie the new herding dog. He pried and snouted her with sniffs, of which she kept tempered stressfully. But when he came up behind her and attempted the sacred act without consent, she reeled around snarling and biting him which invoked a fight between the two.

Ranger pulled them apart once, but when all human interventions rescinded, Kaytaff ended up chasing her around camp. Ranger stepped in again, this time striking him across the snout keeping him in line, while Collie dove behind Agatha and huddled around her leg.

The last beast standing in need of discipline was Amigo who was still going on unchecked with unruly behavior. At this Stetson arose, took a lash and rod and departed towards his angered whinnies.

"About time someone beat that horse."Jethro said quietly while finally having a moment of peace.

Emilio attempted to eat, but when the sounds of loud whip cracks overtook the horse's complaints which then went silent, he could not help but investigate. When he arrived, he half expected to see bloody streaks marring the horse's backside with the man wailing upon it with the rod, but instead found a pent up equine tied to the tree with its owner standing further back without so much a scratch on it. Stetson apparently cracked nothing but the earth and sky to quell the beast.

At this Stetson coiled the whip and brandished the rod. Emilio's heart rose and plummeted at the same time, appalled by the thought of brutality, but this was not Stetson's ambition. Instead he stepped in closer, and animal turned its rear towards him which he would push against with the rod forcing it into the opposite direction.

Then to the boy's surprise the man addressed him.

"Care to come closer and learn a thing or two?"

With the apprehension reflecting Stetson's previous disposition towards him, he stepped forward.

"So what are you doing exactly?"

"Teaching him his first lesson."

"And that is?"

"What do you think this horse wants more than anything right now?"

The boy pondered, then answered, "Freedom."

Crooking his head Stetson replied, "Yes and no. As of right now, he wishes to be left alone. I'll give him that, once he behaves."

"So you are teaching him respect?"

Stetson nodded then proceeded to walk around to Amigo's opposite flank. His rump failed to move so Stetson pushed him again to the other side.

"You don't want his rear facing you." Emilio discovered.

Again Stetson nodded, "When horses go out of their way to point their butts at you, they're communicating a warning, get back or get kicked."

"You're telling him not to threaten you."

"Exactly."

He then walked around to the other side and again pushed Amigo's thigh, swinging his tail the other way.

"Wherever you go, you make him move for you." Emilio concluded.

"There you go." Stetson complimented, "Horses have a simple mindset when it comes to things like hierarchy. The one who can get you to move your feet is the leader, the one who yields ground is the follower. High horses and low horses, that is the way of their kind."

He walked around and Amigo almost moved on his own, but instead brought his tail back towards Stetson who quickly jabbed at it at it.

"Don't be pointing that butt at me." he said.

Amigo scurried away with a heavy start, fighting against the tie down, rearing and shaking his mien. Stetson took a few steps back.

"You just yielded ground." Emilio observed.

"True, but he's panicking. Me giving him some space will cool his nerves. Or else he's going to hurt himself."

Amigo began to calm, keeping Durango in the nook his eye. The man stood unmoved for a time, then stepped further away.

"Why did you do that?"

"Rewarding him."

"Reward?"
"When he simmered down I gave him more space, that told him aggression and fear are not the correct responses. The moment he behaves he gets his reward. Pressure and release. That's how he learns."

Emilio felt a bit emboldened to step closer. Stetson leaned against the rod, scratching his chin here and there, and watched the animal's habits.

"Tell me," said he to the boy when dawning near, "When those idiots at the ranch tried to ride him, what lessons do you think they were teaching him?"

The lad reflected upon the event, then drew these conclusions, "Well, if he didn't want to be ridden and threw off one rider off without another one mounting, I'd say he learned that throwing riders is the best way not to get ridden."

Stetson adjusted the brim of his hat, "Y'know, you're pretty a keen if I do say so myself."

"That's probably why Lord Jurgen kept me around for so long."
"Don't say that man's name." Stetson rebuked.

Emilio fell silent and looked down.

Becoming less agitated Stetson went on, "But yes, that's exactly what Amigo has learned. In order to be left alone by humans he simply has to kick, buck, bite and everything else under the sun to get what he wants. We're going to unlearn that, and teach him all he needs to do is mind his manners and do what he's told, and the human will leave him alone."

Emilio nodded, and in due time Stetson walked over to Amigo's opposite flank. He shifted automatically to the other side. Then, when he moved around again, the horse did likewise.

"That will do." Stetson said contently walking away.

Emilio followed the grizzled man who asked, "Wanting something more? Because I got nothing else to teach."

The boy subtly shook his head, "Not really. If anything I'd like to see how Mrs. Holo is doing."

Stetson motioned up ahead where the wagon lay, "Well, go on up and see for yourself."

Emilio parted from Stetson's side, and lent himself to the wagon. Immediately when he approached, he felt the atmosphere change. All was quiet, less than half of what he expected.

Upon rounding the tailgate he found, to his surprise, Ranger standing nearby. Their eyes met, communicating that they shared common ground regarding to Holo's welfare.

The sheet opened, and Doc climbed out.

"How is she?" Emilio asked of him.

Doc wiped his hands clean, displaying neither hope nor concern, "Her fever still hasn't broke, but she's still eating and drinking."

"Can any of us see her?"

Doc tilted a spectacled eye, "She has yet to awaken so I'm not sure what good that will do."

Emilio sulked, but complied.

Sighing with a change of heart Doc said, "Suppose it won't do any harm either, just mind your bedside manners."

With his good nature invigorated, the young man let himself inside. As Doc was walking away, Ranger followed him.

"Now that the tender hearted is away," said he, "how worse for ware is she?"

Doc, realizing his facade was seen through, confessed reluctantly, "It's still too early to tell, but I'm no novice when it comes to dire straights. If she doesn't start showing signs of improvement soon, the inevitable will most likely happen."

"She's dying." Ranger said, hardening his scowl over the word play he was dealt.

Doc grimaced, "Not yet, but if she doesn't regain some strength now, she will be."

"What are the odds of her regaining strength?"

"Fifty-Fifty."

"Then we administer the elixir if she further declines."

Doc lifted an eyebrow, "If she declines further, we will have lost that option. She's having enough trouble eating and drinking as is. If she loses anymore strength she'll most likely lose the capacity to eat and drink all together."

"Then we hold her mouth open and poor it down."

"And risk her choking? You'll reduce her life down to minutes if that happens."

"Then we give it to her now while we can, and not run that risk."

Doc looked up towards the clouds, a look of dilemma heavily souring his face, " But if she is able to pull through on her own, she'll have no saving grace beyond that."

"Is there no way of rousing her enough to see what she would want? It is her life after all."

"She's not talking much, and when she does, it's not coherent. However you're here, and you've known her the longest than anyone else here. What do you think, would she want it now, or have us wait and see?"

Ranger looked towards the horizon, "I know not."

Doc then reach into his pockets and presented Holo's share of the elixir to him, "Regardless, the choice falls on you, after all, who else knows her better?"

"Her husband." he replied adamantly.

"Fair enough, however he's not around at the moment, thus making you the most qualified candidate."

Ranger, begrudgingly took it. The burden of the gamble weighing heavily in his hand.

Doc left the man to his thoughts, who clenched the vile while contemplating. Unbeknownst to either of them, Emilio had overheard the entire conversation and looked upon Holo's pale face with much anxiety.

He heard Ranger's boots mincing closer to the wagon before he too climbed in.

"The physician did not tell you the true nature of her illness, so I will." he began.

"I heard everything." the boy fretted.

"Then you know our dilemma."

Emilio looked towards him, then down at Holo, "I think giving her the elixir now is the better choice. After all, the both of you have escaped death without it so far."

"Not so." Ranger corrected, "I had a crate of it at one point, which we relied heavily on during a few accounts. When it was destroyed, we both nearly lost our lives if not for Nazani's intervention."

"So you're saying that the chances of her needing it in the future are very likely."

"Indeed. This endeavor is far from over, and many more scraps with death are imminent. If we give Holo her elixir now when her faculties could have recovered on their own, then we have squandered any and all escapes from death hereafter."

"But this moment right here may be her only chance to escape death."

"That is our reality."

"And this unenviable choice falls on you."

"Yes."

Emilio could not help but ask with a hint of astonishment, "Were you asking me for a second opinion?"

Ranger leaned back, "It would not go amiss either way."

The boy was so subdued by her fate that he said boldly, "We can't let Mrs. Holo die."

"I have effected that purpose thus far, and intend to do so further more until our inevitable parting, but never shall I do so out of foolishness."

"What is that supposed to mean?" the boy exacerbated.

Ranger kept his eye upon him for an uncomfortable amount of time before answering, "It means, not to act rashly, no matter the stakes or whatever our personal feelings dictate."

Angered, the boy crouched his way out of the wagon while cursing, "Seeing that you are without feeling, then her fate is already decided."

He broke free of the canvas with the masked man remaining stoic as ever. He tarried with Holo a little while more, then went to depart.

"…Lawrence…?"

He turned to see her eyes slightly opened, overcome with delirium. He would have disregarded it as some sort of sleep talk, but then she reached out for him.

"Lawrence…?"

Immediatley the man calmly spoke, "He is not here."

Her hand retracted, "…Go get him please…"

A regrettable respire fled his lips, "I will find him."

Her eyes slid closed contently, "Thank you."

He stepped out of the wagon right as Doc was returning.

"You seem troubled?" he observed.

Ranger grunted, "She mistook me for her husband."

At this Doc murmured, "She is delirious, a common sign of borrelia, but never a good one."

"What more can be done?"

Doc removed his specs and gnawed on an earpiece, "I'll keep trying to bring her fever down, but you might want to consider praying."

With that said the physician reentered the wagon to assess his patient.

Ranger returned to the others, an aggressive wind pushing against his back, who turned and saw darkened clouds piling over the mountains yonder. Reapplying his steps he joined with the rest.

At this point everyone had finished eating their scant meal and collecting their wares.

"So," Jethro said to him from where he sat, "what did you say to the boy to have him in such a fit?"

Ranger figured Emilio passed by, letting his displeasure known, "He was unhappy with Holo's current situation."

"Ah, well and how is she?"

"Not well."

Everyone's ears were turning towards the conversation.

Agatha chimed in, "Then do we be giving her the elixir?"

"That is the decision that must be made. The boy wants to take no risk and administer it now. I however am not so disposed to waste the opportunity if she can recover on her own."

"What are the odds of that happening?"

"Half."

"So Emilio falls to that one end?"

"Yes, yet I told him I would not do anything so rash it would compromise future endeavors."

"The answer is simple," said Agatha, "If she fails to go on the mend, then give it to her."

Ranger corrected with a tinge of melancholy, "She has enough difficulty swallowing as she is, if she declines further, it may be to the point it cannot be administered."

Terrance leaned in, "Well, that's a real pickle."

"Indeed."

"What do you suppose she'd want?" asked Jethro.

"I cannot say for certain."

At this point a few painful moans were ensuing near Agatha who looked and beheld Nikiski holding his side and looking to her for relief.

"Oh dear, yes I'll be getting it for you."

As she arose, Stetson asked with alarm, "What's going on with him?"

"Whatever caused him to lose his voice, also puts his bowels in knots, especially after he eats."

She walked towards the wagon with the man asking, "So what are you doing for him?"

"Getting nimbus powder from Doc, best we can do for him at this point is numb the pain til it goes away."

Stetson approached his former friend, and brother in arms, and asked, "Was it from that one night?"

Nikiski glanced up, panting and clutching his side, then nodded.

"I'm sorry, but we all seem to be out of the loop." Jethro commented wishing to be filled in.

Stetson paced around while looking at him, "Alright then, history lesson. A good number of years ago, me, Aric, and a good friend of ours were once a part of that masked one's outfit" he said pointing to Ranger.

"The three of us were the most effective pawns Laternieux had at his disposal, they called us the warbirds, and we were silly enough to give ourselves feathery names. I was Raven, Aric was Hawk, and the third was Eagle, who was our ring leader, so to say.

We did a lot of good, and some bad, and when word of this crime lord named Jurgen De Buhr passed through our ears, we couldn't help ourselves but to go out and bring the villain to justice like good little boys."

His tone seemed to produced a perturbed silence among the group.

"Well as it turns out, ol' Jurgen had a lot more eyes and ears than we were counting on, so he knew we were coming, and had a little surprise waiting for us. We were captured, beaten and tortured for days on end." then motioning to Nikski, "On one occasion, when they decided to feed us, Aric was the poor sap who discovered that they snuck some kind of poison in our food, which burned up his insides, I still remember the smoke coming out his mouth when he was coughing his lungs out. Which is why he can't talk so well, and apparently has to dope himself up after he eats, so he can enjoy the mundane necessities without feeling like he's getting pulled inside out."

At this point Agatha returned with a paper envelope filled with nimbus powder that she poured and dissolved in a canteen for Nikiski to drink.

"What about Nazani?" Jethro inquired, "Couldn't he have healed this ailment when you two were working in Yoites?"

Agatha answered while patting Nikiski's back, "He was able to take wee bit of the edge off at least, but his injuries were too well settled in by that time. Even for a god of healing, there are limits on what he can do."

"Such as?" Durango scrutinized.

"Most times it depends on the ailment, but if a physical injury goes years without his healing touch, then there's only so much he can do. He's not the almighty God mind you."

At this, Ranger considered Holo's condition and pondered that, even if she pulled through the borelia on her own, could her fever leave an impact so severe on her well being that the elixir could not fully reclaim it?

At this point Nikiski's fit began subsiding a little.

"Boy that stuff works fast." Jethro commented.

Stetson was quick to answer, "Because 'that stuff' is very powerful and potent."

He nodded then asked, "So, how did you escape Jurgen's lair anyway?"

Stetson slanted his head, "Me and Eagle ended up devising a plan to get out of there. We ended up making a weapon out of a metal plate, by grinding it down making an edge, and jumped the guard when he entered getting ahold of his keys and sword. Well, long story short, the whole place ended up getting burned to the ground during our daring escape. I carried Aric out, Eagle got trapped in with Jurgen, and we always supposed he killed him before burning to death. Guess we know now who made it out at the end of the day."

At this, Jethro could only nod with reverent melancholy.

Suddenly Ranger spoke with chilling conviction, "When we find him again, we will finish the job."

Stetson regarded him with an indescribable look, then went to ready the horses. After everyone was situated and saddled up, the troupe was set in motion once more.

The next stretch of the journey had a unique emptiness about it. The most resolute among them was still being Ranger, and the most dejected was Emilio.

At times he would launch dagger's into the warrior's back, hating him over every foul memory wrought upon his mind, especially the one regarding their first meeting. They had met a few week prior, in one of the alley ways of Nyohirra, the night Holo and Lawrence were first attacked and dragged into this unspeakable charade. Emilio took part in the assault by remaining with the back up party that followed them, only for Ranger to be there, awaiting them.

Each of Emilio's comrades were dispatched brutally, leaving the ill prepared youth to combat him alone. It ended with him being pinned to the wall with a blade against his throat, of which he yielded in tears. Though he was spared that night, he never forgot the dreadful offense of having his life within the hands of another.

Now, Holo's life seemed to be in those same unfeeling hands.

Yet through the end of it all, his thoughts always swirled back to the real source of his loathing, himself. Despite being sharp, witty, and very informative, he always freezes up, whimpering whenever coming face to face with his own mortality, whereas the masked man walked that line boldly, defiantly, almost challenging the reaper itself.

In the end, he hated Ranger because he felt cowardly before him.

Of all people who noticed the boy's emotional welfare, it was Jethro, who could not help himself but to say, "He means well."

The boy lifted his head, "I'm sorry?"

Motioning ahead towards the warrior, Jethro replied, "I know you're not fond of how he goes about things, trust me I've been there, but he really does care about Holo, and he means well."

Unconvinced, Emilio retorted, "If he really cared, then why is he leaving such a thing up to chance?"

Jethro collected his thoughts, and replied with a look of chagrin, "Listen, you're very smart, and you're also making a lot of sense, but you're also young. Everyone here has been your age at one point, and we once thought that nothing could go wrong when acting on good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"So how is one supposed to know if they're paving the way to hell or not?" Emilio asked under disdain.

"Wisdom," Jethro replied cooly, "and wisdom only comes with age. Trust me when I say that a man like him, who's been in the game of life and death a lot longer than you've been alive, has a lot of wisdom when it come to these things."

Emilio nodded, then his eyes moistened, "I think what's upsetting me the most, is the fact that Miss Holo is suffering. Even if she survives on her own without the elixir, she still had to suffer, and we could have done something about it."

Jethro went silent, looking upon him endearingly.

"You probably think me weak." the lad chided, mostly to himself.

"Not at all," Jethro said, slightly astonished, "Valuing someone's life, welfare, and comfort is not weakness, but when considering that the future still holds the risks of Holo getting severely hurt, sometimes you have to ask yourself, is ending a brief moment of suffering worth risking her life being cut short all together? Remember, wounds heal, sickness fades, but loss of life and limb, that's permanent."

Emilio said nothing, but it was apparent Jethro's words were resonating deep within his heart.

"Maybe you should try seeking The Lord for guidance." Jethro encouraged humorously.
Emilio shook his head, "The only god I've ever known was the moon hunting bear, and from the bits and pieces of gathered from the church's God, He does not sound that much more merciful."

"Well, guess you won't know until you call out for Him."

A chortling guffaw escaped Emilio's lips, and the two rode along silently. They continued on, taking the roads leading to Dehlmare, staying just ahead of those darkened clouds rolling in behind them that covered the recently traversed ground in shadow.

It was a little closer to dusk when Doc called for the caravan to stop for Holo's sake. Terrance turned around in the driver's seat and asked, "What's the trouble?"

"Another hour in this wagon, and it's going to kill her." he said sternly.

"Alright, there's an outcropping not too far ahead, we can see about setting up the tent and cot for her?"

"That'll be good."

They pulled over into the clearing, set up camp for the night with Doc and Ottis carrying Holo into the tent laying her onto the cot. Everyone else performed their own routine, Jethro and Agatha cooked, Terrance brushed and watered the horses, and Stetson worked with Amigo, and this time he allowed Monty enough line to have a horse conversation with Titan and Jericho about the hierarchy. Fortunately, the two had no qualms over leadership.

Right when the stars were poking through the evening sky, dinner was being served. As everyone was dishing up, Agatha looked around for Ranger who was the only one absent. She tasked herself to look for him and found him in the tent of all places, sitting by Holo's side.

He remained motionless, holding his hands under his chin with his elbows supported by his knees as he watched over her.

"Soup's on." Agatha said, which warranted no response, "I can bring it to you if you like. Pour a bowl for the lass too."

Ranger closed his eyes and slanted his head down, a heavy respire coming through his mask.

Agatha decided to address the topic at hand.

"So, what are you going to do then?"

Ranger remained meditative while answering, "I will do what I have always done, the right thing."

Agatha tilted her head, letting her locks fall to one side, "And what is the right thing?"

"That is what I am trying to decide."

She lifted her eyebrows, "Well, don't be doing it on an empty stomach, yeah?"

"Very well."

She went out, and in a minute or two, returned with two servings of soup. She set them nearby, and let him be. In time he dropped his mask in the dark tent, and took a few sips, then roused Holo by shaking her shoulder.

She shifted and moaned, but failed to open her eyes. An idea crossed his mind, there was one thing a creature like her would respond to. He took the soup and wafted it under her nose.

Her eyes opened immediatley.

Supporting her head, he helped feed her with only a few spoonfuls making it passed her lips. Even this simple act had sapped her of energy. He let her relax with all being quiet.

Ranger looked ahead, deep in his thoughts, when something broke them.

"Lawrence?"

He looked down and saw Holo with her eyes opened, yet looking elsewhere.

"Lawrence are you there? Please, I am frightened."

Ranger stared at her, then did something very unexpected.

"I am here." he said.

A peaceful smile grazed her lips, "I am glad we are together. Please do not leave me again, I do not wish to be alone."

"I will remain as long as you need."

A weak chuckle fluttered from her throat, "Fool."

Ranger nodded, "One of the worst."

"Indeed, but that is why I love you so."

At this he felt his heart become pained. Oh how he envied the world she was currently living within, ignorant and full of bliss.

"Lawrence?"

Even more saddened, Ranger answered, "Yes?"

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"My friend, you fool, the one who helped me find you, I want to say thank you."

The man paused, slightly stunned.

"He is gone, off on other ventures." said he.

"Tis' a shame. He was a good man, even if he did not think so, I will always be grateful for him helping us, and I hope he has his happily ever after."

Ranger's eyes remained neutral, yet her delirious words resonated deep within his bosom.

"The hour is late, it would be best if we were off to bed." he said alas.

She nodded, closed her eyes, and slept.

Ranger pulled out the vial of elixir, and reflected. Then, there in that moment, he drew another conclusion. There was another option.

Vermili Facts

-The horse training method used comes from watching Rick Gore's thinklikeahorse channel, who I've talked about in passed notes.

-On account of Holo's sickness and being too weak to eat or drink, that is an actual contraindication for EMS to give a patient anything by mouth if they're unconscious or unable to manage their airway because they're at risk of choking or aspirating, which'll kill em' a lot faster. It's not uncommon to hear about bystanders giving patients in diabetic comas, having seizures, or anything else that could have them passed out, food, drink, and or medicine to try and wake them up and end up practically killing them because the patient choked or drowned. So don't do it, call EMS and do exactly what the dispatcher tells you while you're waiting for them.

(On that note, don't run into a burning building either)

-One thing I have to point out for historical accuracy regarding Doc's knowledge and ethics regarding patient care are actually very modern compared to how doctors were back during medieval times. I actually learned that things like putting the patient to sleep, comforting the patient, and cleaning your tools afterwards were not common practices, in fact they were looked down upon, until the end of the nineteenth century.

Here's an example of medieval medicine: A doctor assessed a patient with an infection and concludes her left breast must be amputated for her to survive, then leaves her house without making a followup appointment or anything. Two days later, the doctor returns, unannounced in a bloody apron, goes into her room, pulls out a big, blood stained knife and said, "Prepare your soul for death." then went to work.

So in real life, Doc would have been more sadistic and apathetic during his time. I learned this from one of Count Dankula's absolute mad lads videos featuring Robert Liston who was a pioneer of sterility, patient comfort and surgical techniques that greatly improved the mortality rate among medical practices. In fact many of his surgical techniques regarding dissecting and sealing are used to this day, he also invented a few tools to make procedures safer, easier and quicker that are still named after him, such as the Liston knife.

-Lastly the last bit where Ranger decides to comfort Holo by cooperating with her delirium comes from a part in the game Ghost of Tsushima, when you're character, Jin, visits his Nanny (or grandmother) named Yuriko. Towards the end of her quest line she's gone senile and starts thinking he's Kazumasa (Jin's late father) and he decides to go along with it to be sentimental. It's a touching moment.

That's all for now, stay tuned.