Chapter 6:
Jane tried opening her mouth but no words came out. She felt Mr. Crawley's arm tensing underneath her lightly pressed delicate hand. She had not thought about what she would say if she saw Mr. Bingley and on hindsight that seemed like a mistake. Now that she had seen Caroline Bingley it was only a matter of time before she would see her brother. And though she had thought about how she felt about him, she had not thought how she would respond at seeing him.
"Miss Bennet, I have not had the pleasure of seeing you since we last danced at Netherfields, it is such a pleasant memory" he said, unaware of the glaring he was receiving from both Miss Bingley and Viscount Crawley. It was evident to Jane that his regard for her had not changed. He seemed surprised, pleasantly surprised but that was all that had altered since she had seen him last. His eyes still glittered when he saw her and he smiled widely, that silly smile he always had when he was near her. He seemed eager to get closer and close the distance between them—he had not realized that she was accompanied by a very handsome gentleman for he only had eyes for her.
"I have been in London since January, Mr. Bingley" she said, regaining her voice and inner strength, "I called on your sister a few weeks after my arrival. Pray forgive me, allow me to introduce you to Viscount Crawley, Viscount, this is Mr. Bingley, his family was presiding in Hertfordshire last Fall" she said, turning to the Viscount as she spoke.
"Enchanté" said Mr. Crawley in a slick French accent, now finally noting that Miss Bennet was indeed accompanied by someone other than him.
Here Matthew had the chance to look at his opponent. Bingley looked as if he was drinking in Miss Bennet, completely taken by finding her in town. Mr. Bingley's smile let Matthew know that his regard for her was still evident, although annoying. "I believe your aunt and uncle are waiting for us and I shall not be remiss and forget our refreshments, Miss Bennet" added the Viscount curtly, eager to leave the presence of Mr. Bingley and his silly sister who was looking at the Viscount with equally eager and annoying eyes.
"I thank you" she said, looking back at the Viscount with gratitude as she was glad to end this most importune meeting. Mr. Bingley seemed to finally look at Viscount, as if questioning his presence next to Miss Bennet for the first time.
"Can I call on you?" blurted Mr. Bingley, as the couple had turned around and were walking away. His hand reached out towards her, forgetting propriety. His hand merely touched the muslin of her dress and she turned around, giving him a confused and unimpressed look.
"I believe we shall be going, good night Mr. Bingley and Miss Bingley" said Jane in a very proper voice and turned back, slipping her hand back into the Viscount's arm.
"Stop smirking" said Jane, noticing the gleam in the Viscount's green eyes. They smiled at each other.
That is my competition? He thought to himself. Ha.
"Do you still care for him?" he asked, taking both of them by surprise.
"Pardon me? That is not a proper question" said Jane, looking at him in shock. Yes, they had spoken openly but he could not expect her to answer that while she had just seen him after months of wondering and while she was still deciding how she felt.
"Are we not past the point of propriety?" he teased, giving her an enchanting smile.
"Are you ready to tell me what you are hiding?" she teased back, relishing in his silence. "I thought so, my lord" she said.
The Viscount could not help the temptation to look back and saw Mr. Bingley staring at Miss Bennet. He knew one thing and that was the importance of closure. At that moment, Matthew actually hoped Mr. Bingley would call on Miss Bennet. Perhaps it was time he would also get the closure he needed. It seemed a visit to his Northern Estate, Downton, was inevitable.
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It took Mr. Bingley two days to call on Miss Bennet, no doubt he was confused and unsure of what to do. After realizing his sister was behind the deception and so was Mr. Darcy, he realized his wishes and affections had not indeed changed since he last saw Miss Bennet. He had only one choice: to beg for her forgiveness and hope she would give him another chance. Oh dearest, loveliest Jane, he thought to himself as he knocked on the Gardiner's home in Gracechurch Street.
"Miss Bennet, you have a caller" said Thomas, one of the footmen, interrupting her solitude. Jane had been sitting writing a letter in the drawing room, telling Lizzy everything that had happened so far. Oh how she wish Lizzy was here to listen to her and guide her.
"Who is it, Thomas?" asked Jane, looking up from her letter.
"Mr. Charles Bingley" he said, handing her his card and waiting for her nod of approval. She reluctantly nodded and stood up from her seat, bracing herself for Mr. Bingley's entrance.
"Miss Bennet" he said, sounding out of breath and bringing with him a bouquet of the most expensive flowers. "Thank you for seeing me" he added. He handed the flowers to a nearby maid who scurried off to place them in water.
"Thank you for the flowers" said Jane politely, though she felt glad the maid had taken them away, "Have you come alone, Mr. Bingley?" she asked, inquiring after his sister.
"I...Caroline and I...well" he began, passing his hat in between his hands nervously, "May I sit down?"
"Of course" she said, motioning to the couch by the window.
"I thank you" he said, sitting down and gulping loudly. "Miss Bennet, I have come to apologize" he began, she sat there quietly, simple listening and making no attempt to talk, and so he continued, "I spoke with Caroline and she told me everything. It seems Caroline and Mr. Darcy felt your affections for me were not genuine and convinced me to leave Netherfields and not come back."
"Oh?" said Jane, her pulse rising. It had been one thing to say to herself that she needed someone whom she could respect, it was another to hear this poor excuse of a man and think that once she would have come running back to him.
"I never meant to leave you. My intentions were honest and true. I singled you out from the moment I met you as the loveliest creature I had ever beheld!" he said with true emotion. "My affection has not changed. All these months I have thought of no one but you."
Jane sat there quietly for a moment, staring at the man in front of her. The man whom she had thought she would marry. And strangely a pair of knowing green eyes seem to tease her—come on Jane, you could do better, they seemed to say.
"So why did you not come back for me?" she said, her voice threatening to rise, "If you truly cared for me, you would not have left me. Do you know the embarrassment I felt at being left behind? Did you not think about me, what I went through?"
"I thought you indifferent" he said simply, shocked that his sweet angelic Jane would even speak back to him.
"Did you really or is that just what you were told?" said Jane, keeping her composure, though her eyes expressed their anger.
"I did not know what to think" he said, almost pleading with her.
"Clearly" she said, surprising herself by saying something so uncharacteristically nice. But she had to.
"Mr. Bingley, I am flattered that you would want to renew the acquaintance. I, on the other hand, have had some time to think and have come to the conclusion that we would never be" she said, placing her hands softly folded on her lap.
Charles's mouth opened in astonishment.
"You see, either you left me because you were easily persuaded or because your regard for me was not strong enough. Either excuse is a poor one and I am not interested in marrying a man I cannot respect" she said, delivering her first and epic set-down. If only Lizzy or Matthew could hear me.
"It seems you have said enough, ma'am, I thank you for your time" he said, in a very sad and serious tone. "I wish you the best of happiness" he said suddenly, standing up and looking back once as if in disbelief. He had not expected this reaction. He thought he would walk out of that shabby drawing room an engaged man.
"Likewise" she said, not bothering to stand up, as he got up and left the room.
Jane sunk back into her chair, shaken by the interaction. Had she really said that? She was smiling so wide and yet felt so heavy. The clarity of her heart came rushing out as she stood in-front of the man she thought she could marry. Thomas re-entered the room, carrying a note.
"Miss Bennet, a note was left for you" he said, crossing over and handing it to her.
"I thank you, Thomas" she said, still smiling proudly of herself. She looked at the letter and saw it was signed "MC". Did Viscount Crawley write to her? Was he out of his mind? Was he not aware of the impropriety of writing a latter to a young lady?
"Dear Miss Bennet,
I have been called on business to Downton and will be gone for a week. I look forward to calling on you when I get back.
Regards,
Matthew Crawley
Try not faint by my lack of propriety"
Jane read the letter a few more times and the happiness she had felt soon evaporated. She was brought back to the day after the Netherfields Ball when a similar note came to her, notifying her that the inhabitants of Netherfields would be leaving. She took a deep breath and put the note down, sinking back again into the chair. Was she always to be left behind? Would Matthew really come back?
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Colonel Fitzwilliam told Elizabeth what she already knew: Mr. Darcy had been behind Mr. Bingley's departure. Elizabeth already thought Mr. Darcy was very conceited and powerful man who was used to getting his own way. She angrily put the book down on the table. How can he meddle in someone's affairs? Supposing he knew her sister better than she?
The book hit against Jane's letters and Lizzy found herself glancing at them. As much as she loved any excuse to hate Mr. Darcy, she was thankful that Jane had decided on her own that she could not respect a man so easily blinded by others. At least for that, she was grateful to Mr. Darcy.
Lizzy kept thinking of all their conversations or really his attempts at conversations, for that is what they were. She found him to always be listening to what she was saying—could Charlotte be right? Could he be interested in her? She highly doubted it, specially after Colonel Fitzwilliam revealed how Mr. Darcy felt about her family.
But was he wrong? No, sadly, he was not, thought Lizzy. How many times had she felt mortified by her family's lack of impropriety? Her mother and sisters were wild and her own father was neglectful. The pain of the reality weighed her down, feeling heavier than she ever had. It was one thing to be slightly aware of one's shortcomings, it was another to be told by a stranger and to have to accept it all at once.
While settling this point, she was suddenly roused by the sound of the door-bell, and to her utter amazement, she saw Mr. Darcy walk into the room. Elizabeth had feigned a headache for she could not go to Rosings with so much on her mind.
In an hurried manner he immediately began an inquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing that she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began:
"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement; and the avowal of all that he felt, and had long felt for her, immediately followed. He spoke well; but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed; and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. His sense of her inferiority—of its being a degradation—of the family obstacles which had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit.
In spite of her deeply-rooted dislike, she could not be insensible to the compliment of such a man's affection but his subsequent language, she lost all compassion in anger. She tried, however, to compose herself to answer him with patience, when he should have done. He concluded with representing to her the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavours, he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand. As he said this, she could easily see that he had no doubt of a favourable answer. He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, but his countenance expressed real security. Such a circumstance could only exasperate farther, and, when he ceased, the colour rose into her cheeks, and she said:
"Mr. Darcy, I thank you for the compliment but I am afraid, I do not have an answer" she said, swallowing the words hard. Her every being wanted to reject him but she thought of Jane and Charlotte and all of their advice. Mr. Darcy was probably the best offer she would ever get. And being rich did not equate happiness but it would mean a great deal.
Mr. Darcy, who was leaning against the mantelpiece with his eyes fixed on her face, seemed to catch her words with no less resentment than surprise. He was struggling for the appearance of composure, and would not open his lips till he believed himself to have attained it. The pause was to Elizabeth's feelings dreadful. At length, with a voice of forced calmness, he said:
"And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting?!" he replied, the surprise quickly turning into anger.
"I might as well inquire," replied she, "why with so evident a desire of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character?"
As she pronounced these words, Mr. Darcy changed colour; but the emotion was short.
"Is that why you cannot give me an answer?!" added he, stopping in his walk, and turning towards her, "Perhaps your pride has been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I, with greater policy, concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by reflection, by everything. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections?—to congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?"
Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment; yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she said:
"Are these the words of a gentleman?" she asked, incredulous at his speech. He looked as if he had been slapped. Her rebuke hit him like a wall of bricks and he looked down, abashed. They stood in silence, each deciphering their own complicated thoughts.
She wanted to ask him about Jane but it mattered not. Mr. Wickham was another factor. His pride was evident from his proposal. But yet, there was some reason inside her that told her she should be patient. There was more to him that met the eye.
"I am sorry how this conversation has gone. I am sure it is now how you intended it. Mr. Darcy I am flattered and honored by your offer but I cannot reciprocate your feelings. I will not lie to you, I am sorry. I cannot refuse but I cannot accept...yet"
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so much in this chapter! what did u think?
xoxo