Chapter 8:

Matthew stood from afar, staring at the beauty of Downton. He always knew she was gorgeous but now, after months of not being home, he felt joy at seeing her splendor. It was his ancestral home, the estate his father and his father before that had given their entire life to, and one day it would likewise be his duty. Duty was a word he knew too well.

He walked around the grand park which curved around the house, not ready to enter his familial home and encounter its inhabitants. He took his time walking over the stones by the side of the garden and entering the place he loved and dreaded. It was situated in the back of the house, surrounded by flowers , though one could still feel the gloom from the dark gray stones that laid on the floor.

"Hello" he began, speaking to no one for he was quite alone. He stopped beside one of the lighter and newer stones, whispering as he spoke. The shade of the trees covering him, the wind rustling in the leaves, and birds chirping from afar.

"I brought you flowers" he said, "I picked them from your garden" he added, his eyes swelling with tears.

"I am sorry I have not come in a while. It is too hard...I do not want to feel the pain...of losing you, again" he said, in between sobs. Four years of running away caught up with him fast and drowned him as if it was only yesterday when he lay her down. He had not cried for her since that day and now, it seemed the flood gates had been opened.

"I am sorry when I am sad, for I know you would not have wanted that. And I am also sorry in those moments that I forget you—for smiling, for laughing and for...falling in love" he added, "I...I have met someone, I hope you can forgive me. She is...so wonderful. I did not plan on it. I would have never tried to replace you, surely you must know that" he pleaded, kneeling down beside his wife's tombstone. "I love you" he whispered, putting the flowers down.

He did not know how long he stayed there, staring at the stone beside him, her beautiful name etched just so. He felt a hand on his shoulder and automatically knew who it was—a mother's warmth is like no other.

"My dear, you have been so strong" a voice said behind him. He felt her hand on his shoulder and he knew she was there. His mother had watched him from afar, feeling her beloved son's pain. She saw him going towards the garden and knew that he meant to visit her grave. She also knew that he rarely went and therefore, he must need it. She did not want to intrude his moment of solitude, but she knew that he would need her afterwards.

Matthew got up and hugged his mother, letting the tears flow out again—so many emotions finally pouring out of him.

"Oh mother, I have been running. I was afraid stopping would mean feeling and here I am. Will the pain ever go away?" he asked, looking at her lovely face, also covered with tears.

"My darling boy, your love for Emma was beautiful and strong, it is only normal, your time together was cut short. You were married for less than a year before it was deemed she would return to heaven. You took care of her those last few months. She taught you to smile and to love and you taught her what it was to be loved. Emma would want you to rebuild your life." said his mother lovingly.

"I am hunted by a ghost mother, how can I marry someone else? Will she forever be in her shadow?" asked Matthew, swallowing hard.

"In the beginning she might" answered his mother honestly, "However, you will build new memories with your new wife which will soon become stronger, the joy of children and growing old will make it an altogether different relationship. You do not have to stop loving Emma to love someone else"

"When I'm with Jane, I have found home, peace...she is the loveliest young woman I have ever met. But when we are apart, Emma's ghost still hunts me. I will forever love Emma" said Matthew. "Always"

"And she will too. And loving someone also means letting them go. Let her go" said Lady Crawley.

"How?" asked Matthew in frustrated, as if it were easy!

"Make room for someone else my dear. The heart is like a candle—you can take from a lit candle and light another and it will not take away from its original light" whispered his mother, caressing his hair.

He let out a heavy sigh, knelt down again and fixed the flowers.

"I shall wait for you right outside the garden" said Lady Crawley, allowing her son some privacy.

"Emma" he whispered, his eyes swelling with tears again, "I am letting you go. I will see you again some day, my dear"

His mother smiled lovingly at her son, took his hand, and together they walked back into the house, ready to love again.

"Elizabeth!" said Mrs. Collins, entering the room, still clutching her heavy shawl. "What have you done to poor Mr. Darcy?!" The Collins and Maria had arrived from dinner at Rosings at ran into Mr. Darcy who was just leaving their house. He bowed slightly and was off.

"Charlotte" whispered Elizabeth, holding her dear friend's hand. "You were right!"

"You are engaged?!" asked Charlotte, a genuine smile appearing on her face, "Just imagine!"

"No" laughed Lizzy, walking over to the window where a small figure was still faintly visible—no doubt Mr. Darcy returning to Rosings. "We are not engaged."

"Did he propose?" asked Charlotte, confused and her interest quite piqued.

"Yes" said Lizzy cryptically. After a few moments of silence she added, "He is going to court me". Lizzy told him her surprise, the way he addressed her, her confounding thoughts, hearing her and Jane's voice, and their compromise of entering a courtship.

"Oh, I feel as if I have never known him, Charlotte!" said Lizzy, sinking into the sofa, her friend coming next to her. "We clarified some things and though I cannot say he is not full of pride—because he is—I cannot say that I loathe him. He is infuriating but I believe there has been miscommunication and I thought of you and Jane and instead of rushing into a no, I suggested a courtship."

"I am so happy for you, Eliza!" said Charlotte, "I knew his regard for you was genuine and I am for one happy that you were not blinded by your prejudice." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, challenging her, and then burst into laughter.

"I am still in shock!" said Lizzy, catching her breath from laughing.

"Are you happy, my dear?" asked Charlotte.

"Yes, I am happy I did not refuse. And I am happy to be giving him...to be giving us a chance" said Lizzy thoughtfully, "This will surely be the best offer I ever get and though I will only marry if I love the person, perhaps it was good I have you and Jane guiding me, otherwise I would have refused."

"I am glad to hear it—Oh, I hear Mr. Collins coming!" said Charlotte, looking towards the door of the parlor. "So does this mean Mr. Darcy is staying for another two weeks?"

"We have not discussed it but I imagine so" said Lizzy. "I will ask him tomorrow" she added, not knowing when she would get the chance but then she remembered that he had this annoying habit of happening to meet her during her walks. She smiled. She knew when she would see him again and surprisingly, she was not dreading it.

PNPNPNP

The days had passed pleasantly since Jane had seen Mr. Bingley. She wrote a letter to Lizzy and was eagerly awaiting her proud response, for she knew Lizzy would be proud. Jane very much hoped she would not see him again though she knew it will happen eventually. And though she had been blunt, she felt they had left each other in peace. He will eventually overcome his regret, she knew, and the truth was she was eagerly awaiting Viscount Crawley's return. I hope you make peace with yourself, too, she thought to herself, knowing that there was a deeper reason why the Viscount had suddenly gone to Downton. She cared for Matthew but there was an invisible wall around him—she was not sure that he was ready.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a clap of thunder and she pulled out her umbrella and made haste to the nearest store—a quaint little book store in this side of town. She heard the bells chime as she walked in, closed her umbrella, and dusted off her petticoat.

"Good morning, Miss Bennet" said a sinister voice. Jane did not have to look up to know who was talking. Her voice was as recognizable as it was dreadful.

"How do you do, Miss Bingley?" said Jane with a forced smile.

"My brother is not here" she smirked, assuming Jane would be searching for him. So he did not tell her.

"I can see that" said Jane calmly, "Well, I am going to look around while I am here, good day, Miss Bingley." Jane turned around, wanting to be far away from her as quickly as possible.

"Did you ever meet Emma Crawley?" Miss Bingley said, a wicked smile plastered on her face, "Oh lovely girl, she unfortunately got sick soon after her wedding and died" said Caroline, the smirk becoming more pronounced. She knew Jane would turn around.

Jane did turn around but did not answer. Her shock must be evident.

"Oh, he did not tell you?" taunted Caroline, raising one eyebrow. "Mr. Crawley was married my dear"

Jane was silent. She hated giving Caroline the satisfaction of taunting her but she could not help it. He had been married? And he had never mentioned it. She wanted to know more but not this way. She had hoped he would have told her. If he did not tell her it was because he was not ready then she knew that he would when he was. And she wanted to hear it from him. She gathered her inner strength and responded:

"I am not in the custom to speak of others and their affairs when they are not present, Miss Bingley. I see the rain has subsided, I wish you a good day" said Miss Bennet, not waiting to be addressed and walking right out the store.

She was still shaken by the time she got back to Gardiner residence but was resolute on not asking Mrs. Gardiner. She had much too think about.

PNPNPNPNPNP

The next day, while Jane was reading Lizzy's letter informing her that Mr. Darcy had proposed and she had not refused him, a visitor called. Jane was still in shock when Mr. Crawley was announced.

He entered the room with his usual charm, carrying a bouquet of beautiful yellow flowers. His step seemed lighter, happier.

"Good morning, Miss Bennet" he said, handing her the bouquet. She smiled and took them, her eyes questioning their purpose.

"From Downton" he said, sitting down next to her, "I hope you like them...it is my wish that you will love to see them every day"

"Why did you go go to Downton? It could not have been to bring me flowers, though they are beautiful" teased Jane and purposely not responding to his insinuation. After that dreadful conversation with Caroline, she had resolved not to ask her aunt for any information. Jane wanted to hear it from him—as he had always intended.

Matthew smiled, ready to answer her and open up his heart.

"I was married. She passed away young. Our promising future was taken from us. After her death, I was hounded by matchmaking mamas and interested ladies. They all wanted me, hoping my father had caught what Emma had. I loved her very much, it was my first young love."

"I am sure she was very special" said Jane, with a genuine smile. She was thankful he was finally opening up to her and was at the same time uncomfortable at hearing express love for another woman.

"She was, it has been four years since her passing and I never stopped long enough to feel. It felt easier to immerse myself in my work and pretend my heart was made of stone" he began, pausing and then looking into her eyes, "Meeting you was both a blessing and a curse. My dearest Jane, I was completely mesmerized by you from the moment I saw you. You are like unlike any woman I have ever met—you are honest, kind, and real. And then I was overcome with guilt for feeling something so intense, it felt like a betrayal. But I know now that there is room in my heart to love again. My dearest loveliest Jane, if i may call you that, would you do me the honor of being my wife?" he said, going down on one knee and producing from his pocket a yellow diamond ring.

"This belonged to my mother. She gave it to me while I was there last week. I told her all about you and she wanted you to have a family heirloom. This is the ring that my grandfather proposed to my grandmother. He had it made to match the yellow flowers Downton is surrounded with" he explained, holding it out to her hand.