Chapter 15:
"Oh, Matthew!" said Jane, wrapping her arms around him from behind. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, having plummeted there, while still holding the express in his hand. He looked frozen, his beautiful light eyes staring into nowhere, glistening from something that only someone that has experienced loss could understand.
"Jane, I am so sorry...this is not how I intended our wedding night nor our honeymoon to go" he said, now holding the express with both of his hand. He did not need to read it. He was now facing her and reached towards her face, caressing her cheek with his hand.
"I know that—I am sorry. I would have loved to know him" she said, biting her lip nervously. She so wanted to comfort him.
"He would have loved you….I will need to go...we will need to go to straight Downton. I will wait for my mother and sister to come to London tomorrow and we will arrange the burial."
"Of course" said Jane, rubbing his back. He let his neck fall into her hand, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be comforted by his wife.
"Another death" he murmured, a knot in his throat. Jane's hand froze—the last thing she wanted was to discuss her during their wedding night. Matthew must have noticed for her cleared his throat and continued, "There is much to be done." He got up from the bed and left the room, leaving his newlywed wife alone.
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The next morning Longbourn received a similar express. Lady Grantham opened it up immediately, her face turning colors, while begging forgiveness for they must leave within the hour. Lady Mary went upstairs to help her gather their things while their footman waited by their luxurious carriage.
"My! Jane will be Lady Grantham!" said Mrs. Bennet with triumph, once the Crawleys were out of ear-shot.
"Mama!" said Elizabeth, mortified that they had heard her, "Matthew's father just passed away. This is not the time to discuss Jane's good fortune"
"Of course, but it does not change her new title" said Mrs. Bennet, already thinking of all the places she could refer to her daughter as Lady Grantham. She had not expected to make calls today, not so soon after the wedding, but she was starting to think she would quite enjoy a short outing to call on some neighbors and friends.
"Oh poor Jane—she must be devastated. To think on her wedding night to find out such horrid news!" said Elizabeth, feeling for her sister what their own mother could not. "I must write her a quick letter to send with Lady Mary" added Lizzy quickly and excused herself from the room.
"I believe I will leave some instructions to Hill for I will be going out this afternoon" said Mrs. Bennet, a gleeful smile on her face.
"Mama, can I come with you?" said Lydia eagerly, for she had not been allowed out in society except for her sister's wedding.
"Not while you live in this roof" said Mr. Bennet sternly, disappointed in his wife and daughters. He could have done better. Instead of ridiculing them, he left the room and instructed his wife to let him know when Lady Grantham was leaving for he wanted to pay his respects and send a letter to his new son in law.
"It is not fair!" mourned Lydia, storming out of the room, followed by her shadow, Kitty. Mary started speaking about the meaning of life and death, to which Mrs. Bennet found an excuse to leave the room leaving Mary all alone.
It was hours later when the the Crawleys had left and Mrs. Bennet had gone into Meryton, that Lizzy went into her father's study.
"Come in" he said, peering through his glasses.
"Kitty told me you wanted to see me, father" she said, entering.
"Please, come sit" he responded, motioning to a chair. He put down the book that he was reading and looked lovingly at his favorite daughter. "I have thought a lot about our last conversation Lizzy. You were right in more ways than you will ever know. I have been thinking about Lydia and how to improve her situation. She needs a stern hand and she will not find that here"
"What are you asking, father?" asked Lizzy, knowing and dreading where this was going.
"When you marry and move to Pemberley, could you take Lydia with you?" he asked. Lizzy was shocked. Her face must have shown it for he likewise looked confused—he had not expected her to do anything but agree.
"Papa, I must of course speak about this with Mr. Darcy but you must understand, surely you understand, that I am already entering this marriage with a disadvantage" she began, she could not tell him that it was Lydia and her family's behavior that lost Jane's chance and almost lost hers, to think of bringing Lydia into her new home—she was already going to struggle fitting in, for there would be many wishing for her to fail—Lizzy stopped to catch her breath.
"My dear, you seem very upset by my question" he noted, watching her thoughts dance in her brain.
"There are particulars I cannot share with you, but Lydia has caused great embarrassment to this family. I do not know—I have to think about it" she said, thinking but not daring to add outloud, you want me to fix your mistake, like always. She did not wait to be dismissed and with a newfound headache went to her room for she greatly needed to think and possibly lie down.
The ride to Downton was different than what Jane had expected. Matthew was not his usual lively self, he sat by the side of the window, staring at the passing trees. He longed to ride his horse and would have welcomed the exercise to release his emotions but did not want to leave his bride alone on the journey home.
Jane sat next to her husband and reached out for his hand, squeezing it lightly. He turned to face her, gave her a short smile, and inquired about her.
"How are you, Jane?" he asked, giving her a genuine smile. He kissed the inside of her palm, "Thank you for being with me"
"Matthew why do you not go for a ride in our next stop. I will be with your mother and sister with whom I feel very comfortable with" said Jane, understanding what he needed.
"Thank you!" he murmured, loving her even more. He leaned in and kissed her cheek—a blush appearing on the spot for she was not used to his kissed and much less in public. Lady Mary hid a smirk for it was not the time to tease. Lady Grantham smiled approvingly.
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The burial was a small family affair. Some important Earls and Lords came and went—the day itself was a blur. Lord Grantham was buried in the Downton cemetery in the back of their large grounds. After the service and everyone had left, Matthew stayed behind and Jane allowed him his privacy.
Matthew had dreaded becoming Lord Grantham and now it was all coming at him full force. Jane went back to the house with her mother in law but once they got inside, she realized she forgot her shawl. A maid offered to get it but she insisted on needing the fresh air.
She walked back by herself and quietly approached the area where her husband had been. She noticed he had moved and was now standing in front of Emma's resting place. He had tears streaming down his face. Jane stood there frozen.
He still loved her.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and reluctantly turned around, Lady Mary's gloved hand had startled her.
"Come" said Lady Mary, "Let us walk"
They walked in silence, all of Jane's fears rapidly appearing in her head.
"He loves you, Jane" said Lady Mary, "And death has a way to bring out old wounds. He never wanted this, you know. Matthew ran away for many years from his duty, as I have so often reminded him. When he found you, he was still running...from his duty...from the pain. And you saved him"
"What was she like?" asked Jane cautiously, after a long silence. She was not sure what she wanted to know.
"She was sick" said Lady Mary bluntly. "She got sick soon after their wedding and most of their marriage consisted of Matthew tending to her. I believe my dear that you have many questions and you must know that this place will bring back many memories but the one person who can assuage your fears and answer all of your questions in a satisfactory manner is Matthew"
"You are right" said Jane pensively.
"He will not love you any less for asking, Jane" said Lady Mary knowingly. Jane gave her a small smile and looked ahead, knowing she had to let go of her fears and most importantly voice them to the one person who could make them disappear.
They walked on to Downton with linked hands, each in their own thoughts.
"I believe I will spend some time in Downton House in London" said Lady Mary to her new sister.
"How come?" asked Jane, "You will always be welcomed here"
"Of course I will, my dear, this is my home" teased Mary, a twinkle in her eye, "But I must accept that it will never be mine. I must create a life for myself outside of these walls."
"Will you spend time with Laura?" asked Jane, referring to her eldest sister, Mrs. Carasoule who had married a tradesman, though a very wealthy one.
"In Cheapside?!" asked Mary, obviously offended, "Dearest Jane, do you want me to marry a tradesman?!"
"I like Laura" said Jane simply, "She and her husband are a lovely couple." Lady Mary laughed.
"You like everyone, my dear" teased Mary.