This is the revised version of chapter 7. Chapter 8 is up soon...
7. A day passed uneventfully into the next afternoon. She felt so...
A day passed uneventfully into the next afternoon. She felt so incredibly dirty that it almost made her cry. With every movement, her own body temperature released the horrible smell that clung to her clothing and skin.
The twins were, just like her, covered with blood stains and probably worse. Their clothing was covered in thick crusts of dried blood, their hair caked with gore, falling in thick knotted strands. The night after the battle, they could only clean the utmost necessary. Elladan had rinsed his face and Rin had cleaned Elrohir's wounded shoulder, using the only water they risked to spare. The twins knew these lands well, fresh water was still miles away, so they initiated a strict rationing policy, resulting in three extremely filthy travellers.
Apart from the increasing sensation of extreme thirst that she was unfamiliar with, she could not remember a moment in her life where she had been more dirty. The brothers seemed unfazed by it. They were still clingy, despite her current state of physical hygiene.
Like after the first battle, they seemed to crave her close proximity. But she felt increasingly uneasy when they touched her, since she could barely stand the smell of her own body. At the end of the first day she became rigid under their attention. Food tasted foul and she could not swallow even the tiniest bite, her body destroying any appetite that she might have. Sleep was restless and uneasy, the need to shower or bathe becoming almost unbearable.
In the morning of the next day she stiffened with every touch of the twins. Their attempts to touch made her feel itchy and restless. It vexed the twins, she felt it. But she just did not want them to cling to her when she felt this horrible about herself.
Later that afternoon, she decided to walk for while, anything to escape their hands. The twins did not comment on her decision, but she felt their inquisitive eyes following her every step. She chose to ignore them, too restless and awkward to care.
Walking through the woods, it was unnerving how clean it was. It smelled fresh and clear. The atmosphere seemed crisp and clean as if she could smell the oxygen being created by the leaves. It stood in sharp contrast with how she felt. Her body and clothes covered in the blood and guts of orcs, her mind still experiencing the after effects of the fight. She felt tainted. A dark presence in a pure world.
Listening to the soft sound of hooves and the murmuring of the twins, she thought about them. They were odd, these brothers, not what she expected from two Elf lords. Some part of them was like the books, noble and pure with a mysterious power radiating from them. She was constantly amazed by the feel of their presence, their penetrating wise eyes, their unreal beauty and the sense that they were infinitely wise and good. But they were also dark, forbidden and strange, embracing their dark urges and seeking out blood and death almost desperately.
There seemed to be no sense of privacy between them. They shared their lives with all their experiences, wants, thoughts and enemies to the extreme. And even to the point where they openly sought closeness and intimacy with her, whether it be in conversation or physical touch, plain for the other brother to see. At first she felt awkward but their ease with each other made her accept it almost without second thought now. But glancing at them from a distance she knew it was an odd relationship that these brothers had with each other. Although odd might be an understatement.
And while they were hypersensitive for her thoughts and emotions, they seemed socially awkward on other matters. Because why on earth did they not realize that physical closeness while covered in gore is not something normal people desire? She cursed them softly in Japanese, stomping through the thicket.
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The brother's thoughts in turn were just as occupied with Rin. Watching her lean form maneuvering through the trees, they felt uneasy. She was being distant and fidgy. They wanted to comfort her, but it seemed to have an opposite effect. Comforting her by seeking physical closeness came naturally to them and she had been very receptive to their attention. But since their last fight she sought distance instead of closeness.
Elladan toyed with the idea that she might be uncomfortable with all the dried blood, but thinking of her bloodlust in battle he dismissed the thought. Something else must be troubling her.
They let her be for a while. She seemed to be in need of solitude, something they understood all too well. Elladan was still in awe about how she handled the battle, her fighting style was violence-driven, well-balanced, creative and fearless. And to his utter amazement, she gave herself with body and soul over to her bloodlust, watching in euphoria as the life struggled out of her fallen enemies. There was no hesitation, no holding back. She was a fearsome force of pure power unleashed upon the orcs, and it was a painfully beautiful sight to behold.
He softly said to his brother in Elvish: "Well, brother?"
"I think I have not seen her equal with the blade other than a handful of Elves."
"She embraced her inner darkness."
Elrohir sighed sadly: "I feel we have wronged her, brother."
"You know as well as I that we do not dictate her mortal heart. She has made her choice."
"But we could have chosen to protect her from the orcs. Or from herself for that matter."
Elladan fell silent. Then he said thoughtfully: "Even if we protected her she seems to have a purpose inside herself. You feel it too brother. Her fëa, is violence-driven, she seems to have been re-born out of terror. And we had no part in that."
"A soul, mortals call it."
"Her soul seemed already torn when we met her. I am glad we can guide her to embrace the darkness inside of her without getting lost, to re-direct her fear. We have been the same after all."
"Aye, it feels good to find a kindred fëa. Somehow she knows death as we have."
Elladan stared at his brother for a while.
"She is an addiction, I feel like a moth attracted to a flame. I do not like it." Elrohir added.
"Aye brother. I fear what it means for I feel similar. I do not wish to let her go."
They fell silent. Their thoughts wandered towards the small girl walking ahead of them and their increasing obsession with her. They felt some sort of primal pull that made them want to be close. It scared them. They did not wish to discuss this fear yet, for deep down in their hearts they knew what it meant.
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Late in the afternoon, they came upon a small lake in the woods that was fed by a bubbling creek. Rin reached it first, her spirits lifted immediately by the mere sight of the water.
The brothers behind her halted their horses, cautiously taking in their surroundings. Elrohir steered Suldal back into the woods to scout the area. Elladan said softly. "A bath would do us good, don't you think? The water is clear and pure."
A sudden sharp happiness caused a mischievous Cheshire grin to appear on her face.
"I cannot wait to jump into the water! But our filth will violate it immediately I fear." she quipped. They laughed together, and Elladan noticed to his satisfaction that the mental distance between them had evaporated instantly. Was it as simple as the prospect of bathing that eased her mind?
"Is it the stain of the blood of our enemies that has been making your mood foul?"
She nodded, grimacing: "Don't you mind?"
He cocked his head, staring at her. "You must forgive us Rin, for our ways are …..peculiar. Sometimes we forget ourselves." He looked away then and Rin thought quietly it was still weird that he had not answered her question.
They patiently waited for Elrohir to return, occasionally sipping water from the lake. She felt weird drinking water from a lake like that, vaguely wondering if it would make her sick. After drinking she washed her hands and face, feeling somewhat better already.
Mithroch drank slowly and eagerly and after a while the horse slowly wandered off through the thicket.
"What if we need to escape?"
Elladan smiled at her: "Well, I cannot imagine that we must since my brother is scouting. But in that unfortunate incident, I will call him and he will come."
"Just like that?"
"Aye. Just like that. He is my friend."
This calm acceptance of this friendship with his horse, was an Elvish trait that she still wasn't used to. She knew she could not get more out of him than this. Any hint of the supernatural they would just explain as Elvish culture and nature and nothing extraordinary. But for her it almost seemed like magic.
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Elrohir returned after what seemed an hour and gave the all clear. Rin did not think twice, but walked to the edge of the lake, quickly stripped down and dived into the water with a battlecry. The water was crystal-clear, the green lush water plants and rocks visible beneath her. And ice cold. She swam underwater for some time, resurfacing in the middle of the lake. She swam a few rounds to heat up her body and dived to the cold dark depths where silent floating plants caressed her skin. When she came up for air, still in the middle of the lake, she wondered about the twins.
She spotted them on the edge of the lake staring at her. It seemed they were rooted to the spot where she stripped naked only moments ago. Elrohir looked flushed and Elladan just stared.
How could she be so stupid! She was in Middle Earth, travelling with two Elf Lords and she just stripped stark naked in front of them. She had no clue how nudity was looked upon or how dating worked in this world, but she was fairly sure that it did not involve casual nakedness or sex before marriage. And looking at their reactions her assumptions seemed correct.
Her rising embarrassment was quickly replaced by evil sadism. They had been making her feel awkward for the longest time now. Elrohir's topless state after the fight felt like a low blow to her dignity, making her feel flustered against her will. It felt good to pay them back like this.
"Stop gaping like a set of orcs and get clean! Never saw a woman swimming before? Just get in here and get clean, you smell like death!"
The brothers stood there at a loss for words, obviously embarrassed, as was her intention. But then, Elladan shrugged: "Well brother. What are you waiting for? Do as the lady commands."
But he didn't smile when he let his mantle drop to the ground. Instead he looked at her intently while he took off his tunic showing, like his brother, a perfect torso, marred with scars, beautifully toned, the skin pale.
It was her turn to be embarrassed, just the sight of him made her heart beat faster. The absence of his smile enhanced the sense of darkness beneath all that male beauty. The brothers were dangerous, dark and unpredictable and the thrill of this edge made her insides churn. They were addictive. But their beauty did not make her forget the wildness in Elrohir's eyes after the battle, the way he lost control when he had grabbed her, smelling her. Seeing Elladan stripping at the waterside, she felt again like she had prodded two caged tigers unwittingly and she had no idea what was going to happen next. And yet, this uncertainty was part of the anticipation that tightened things low in her body. She felt helpless in the vicinity of such dangerous beauty.
To make matters worse, Elladan undid his pants, dropping them in one go. There was no underwear and while she suddenly had trouble finding a focus point for her eyes, he ignored her stares stoically, even seemed to dare her to watch. Slowly he walked into the water, his eyes never leaving her face.
She quickly dipped her head underneath the water's surface to cool of her flaming cheeks. She only came up when she was sure his hips would be underneath the surface, although she knew that the clarity of the water did not leave things to the imagination.
Suddenly his head crashed through the water's surface just beside her. His face glistening from the water, eyelashes stuck together. He had the same dark seriousness in his face that gave her unease, but noticing her furious blush, that expression seemed to melt away and he smiled a slow smile, saying softly: "Do not worry Rin, as I told you before, your honour is safe with us."
She heard a loud splash and Elrohir joined them, his flushed cheeks made him look uncharacteristically cute and boyish and she could not help but laugh at him.
He gave her an irritated look but soon his eyes held mischief. "Are you laughing at me, my Lady?"
"I'm afraid I am!"
Without warning he scooped her up, pulling her into his warm chest. She felt cold air clinging to her skin making her aware of her nakedness and his brother's gaze. She shrieked while he threw her into the water with force. She came up gasping for air, their laughter ringing in her ears. She splashed water at them, taking revenge. But she was repaid in twofold.
They swam for what seemed like hours, washing the blood off their skin and out of their clothes. Her fingertips went wrinkly. It felt like heaven to rinse the blood and gore out of her hair and off her skin. The wound on her arm felt painful in the water and she hoped it would not get infected. But the numbing cold soon made her forget about it. The water absorbed all the evil and negativeness that clung to her making her feel reborn.
The brothers looked wickedly beautiful, their black hair stuck to their backs, eyelashes sticky, skin glistening over toned muscles and scars. She was drifting on her back watching them. Elladan unwinding Elrohir's braids, and rinsed his hair while the latter leaned backwards, face tilted up, eyes closed. It seemed such an intimate scene and she was grateful to be part of it, to see them this vulnerable.
She wondered what they would think of her casual nakedness. She was still uncertain if the increasing physical touching was deliberate or just an innocent cultural phenomenon. The fact that they did it plain for the other brother to see made her think it was the latter. But then again, casual nakedness seemed not common in Elvish culture, judging by their reaction. Still, they stripped just as easily after their initial shock. She felt awkward asking them, but Elladan seemed to sense that she was brooding on something: "Rin, you can ask us anything… you know that.."
She plucked up her courage. "Well, I just want to apologize for undressing like that. I am not familiar with your customs, and I fear they are very different from mine. Is casual nakedness normal in Elf culture?"
Elladan smiled, his lean fingers still tangled in his brother's locks. "There is no taboo on nakedness. We do not shun the shape the Valar have blessed us with."
She released a breath that she did not know she was holding. "Well, that makes me feel less awkward and guilty at least!"
Then she frowned. "So why were you embarrassed when I jumped the water?"
Elladan released Elrohir's hair while the latter suddenly slipped underneath the surface of the water soundlessly. He came up almost immediately, swimming towards shallow grounds with three sure strokes. The sudden change held her thoughts ransom. And Elrohir standing up, emerging out of the water, distracted her even further from her question. She just couldn't help herself, her eyes were glued to his physique, glistening wet from the water; his very handsome backside, all the way from his broad shoulders, muscular back to his firm ass.
Her mind momentarily stuck in time, she forgot about his brother next to her. Elladan had noticed her reaction with peaked interest. He felt a sudden urge to be close to her, to be close to her need for his brother. On impulse, he grasped her waist, pressing her hips into him. He felt her soft skin grinding his groin speeding up the blood in his veins. He whispered in her ear the truth that she was hiding with her silence. "He is quite something, isn't he?"
She gasped at his frankness, her blush felt like fire. She noticed Elrohir watching them, as if he could hear his brother's words. Elladan softly laughed in her neck. Then he lifted her up, throwing her in the water without warning. She came up coughing, no time to overthink the strange remark that he made. She swam at him and punched his shoulder as hard as she could: "Baka! Why did you do that?"
"Well, to cool off your head, obviously", he grinned.
"There was no need, baka. Your honour, both your honour is safe with me!" she laughed at his surprised look. Behind her, Elrohir laughed out loud.
They fell silent after a while. The cold water finally took its toll on her body heat and she noticed that she was shivering. Noticing her discomfort, Elladan suddenly became serious and took her reverently into his arms, bridal style. When their eyes met she saw for a moment a pained dark want in them that made her wonder about this more easy-going and good natured brother. She felt the cold air against her the skin of her more intimate parts, making her feel exposed and excited at the same time. He carried her towards the crackling fire and, regaining his mischievous grin, he dumped her next to it unceremoniously.
Her blush was still burning on her cheeks as she tried to manoeuvre herself to sit in a decent manner, since she was still stark naked. She wanted to pull up her legs against her chest, but realised that her most intimate parts might be visible. After a second thought, she settled for it anyway, feeling it was better than to sit crossed legged and leaving her breasts visible. She did not want to prod those tigers again.
Said tigers were ignoring her fidgeting with a relaxed aloofness. Behind her, Elrohir was hanging up the clothes that they rinsed during swimming as close to the fire as possible. When he was satisfied, he rummaged through the packs on the horses. Elladan was staring into the fire, sitting crossed legged facing her.
Her body was heated from the exercise and the excitement, but she knew she could get hypothermia easily enough. She scooted as close to the flames as she could, staring at Elladan.
"You both did not answer my question."
Elladan answered her after a few moments of silence, without looking at her: "Well, we are familiar with the customs of mortals. It was not what we expected."
"Are their customs different?"
"The customs for mortals are strict. Men and women are not allowed to be naked together. Unmarried women can not have contact with men. Unless there is family or a chaperone present."
Rin felt the colour drain from her cheeks, what did they think of her now?
"Nakedness occurs only after marriage." Elrohir grinned and added: "Such complicated creatures, mortals."
Elladan smiled his easy smile as well and confirmed again: "So you see Rin, we were surprised by your ….. Elvish... behaviour. It was not befitting a mortal."
She nodded in understanding, but looking at Elladan's serious eyes reflecting the flames of the fire, she suspected that there was more to it.
"What about your customs, Rin?"
She felt herself blush again. "In Japan, nakedness is not taboo during bathing. And for interaction between males and females, there is no chaperone required. Men and women can be friends or even 'date' if they feel a deeper connection. That is also possible for people of the same gender. They do not have to answer to anyone on matters of the heart."
Elladan blinked slowly. "Date?"
She cursed under her breath. Why on earth did she bring this topic up? "Yes, you can go out for something to drink or to eat a meal, or do something together that you both enjoy. When there is a connection, you can decide to take the relationship further."
"Further?"
She hesitated. This was getting awkward. "It can develop in a real relationship, where the man and woman are physically intimate and live their life together. They can marry or stay unmarried if they want. And they are relatively free to leave each other when the relationship is no longer satisfactory…"
Elladan blinked again. "That seems at odds with our knowledge of mortals. Why do you bond physically when there is a chance that you might separate?"
"Why not? If both consent, being intimate is pleasurable and preferable above celibacy, I think? And you have to see if you are compatible in that area, right?"
Elladan looked stunned. Elrohir had joined them at the fire, stark naked and completely unperturbed by it. She looked away while he sat down, not wanting to stare at his chest or groin. When she dared to look up again she noticed that he was staring at her strangely. "In the case of Elves, when love finds us, it is sacred to us: a bond unbreakable. The bond makes an Elf and and Elleth automatically compatible."
She felt confused by his choice of words. "What do you mean? Love finds you?"
"True love will manifest itself both physically and mentally. It is not something that we can fight. It happens to us."
"It happens to you?"
The twins looked at each other for a moment. Then Elladan said: "It is like a painful attraction, two forces pulling at each other with no chance to escape. Elves that cannot answer that call of their hearts will wither and fade. The only solution is to be together."
"And what happens when they give in to this attraction?"
"The pair will bond physically."
Rin stared at him, her brain churning on this information. Seeing her confusion, Elladan added: "The act of physical love will bind a pair together, both fëa will connect. It is a connection that will exist until one or both fade."
Elrohir added: "So being physically intimate is not something taken lightly for it seals the union between Elf and Elleth…"
"I see." She felt disappointment in the pit of her stomach. There was no chance of acting on this exciting tension between them.
Elladan said curious: "Tell me Rin, have you…... dated?"
She smiled at him: "Yeah I guess."
"And have you been in a real relationship like you described?"
"Yes I have. But it didn't last." Her thoughts went to Hideo immediately. How would he have been taking the news of her disappearance?
Elladans features showed displeasure for a fleeting few seconds. He collected himself quickly: "What happened?"
"I did not want to lose my freedom by being committed to a man."
They frowned. "Why would commitment take your freedom?" It was Elrohir that asked.
"I guess I fear to surrender of my heart. To be committed is to lose your freedom, to know pain." It took a lot of her courage to confess this to the twins. She felt the familiar darkness eat at her. She desperately tried to suppress the unwanted emotions and images.
Elladan seemed to understand. "It is not uncommon to ignore love out of fear to lose oneself. We have experienced similar feelings in our lives. But if there is a true bond, we will not be able to ignore it." He stared at her and she felt herself blush at his words, thinking about the attraction that existed. Was he hinting on the impossibility of taking that attraction further?
When she felt dry enough she got up to check on her clothes. She thought she felt their eyes roaming her figure. Chancing a secret look and from the corner of her eye she saw that it was indeed the case. Did this not confirm her suspicions that they were attracted to her?
She tried to ignore their stares, but it gave her butterflies throughout her body. Here she was standing, naked, in front of the two most beautiful men that she ever saw and they were openly checking her out. Never before did she feel like this, beautiful, wanted, respected and safe.
But it was ridiculous! She only knew them for a few days! What were these feelings? How on earth did she develop these feelings for them both? Or was it lust? Why did they make her feel safe and trusted? They were total strangers, but she felt as if she had known them her whole life. Their interactions felt so natural, so right, just normal.
And how could she connect this to their customs? They had told her Elves were monogamous and sex was practically the same as marriage. So there was no way that they would fuck her with no strings attached. And she refused to succumb to love, to settle down with a man, let alone an Elf! What would such a life entail with either of these brothers? What would become of this attraction?
She smiled to herself. Death and blood. And a part of her longed for that.
Shaking her head at her foolish trail of thoughts, she tied the straps of her momohiki pants tight.
"Rin, how did you get those scars?"
The question was one that she dreaded. She had heard it before. It made her feel heavy but empty inside. The shadows around her became darker invading and clouding her mind. She did not like to be reminded of those witnesses carved into her back. They kept the memories captured deep inside her body, where they could not do any harm. Mentioning the scars would free them of their cage. Fear creeped up on her, making her hands shake.
She dressed quickly, trying to keep her hands from showing her fear too much. Then she sat back at the fire. Elladan had started braiding Elrohirs hair. Elrohir sat, eyes closed, next to the fire. Elladan stared at her with concerned eyes.
"You do not have to share memories that are too painful, Rin. I was merely curious what might have caused them since you ever only fought as a ...sport."
For the first time in her life, she hesitated. She never told anyone. Ever. Hideki asked once. After a night of passion, his hands trailing the scars idly, he had asked her about it. But she shoved his hands off, and told him to leave. She knew he felt hurt by her rejection of him. Their nightly interactions still happened regularly. But after that night, he closed off a part of himself as well.
She could only be glad. But now… if anyone could understand, it would be them. They would understand...
She shook her head. She wasn't ready.
The twins seem to understand. Her damp clothes made shiver and Elladan invited her silently to sit on his lap. She felt her cheeks heat but sat on his lap nevertheless, mesmerized by the soft skin of his legs underneath her hands. Leaning back against his warm chest, his scent enveloped her like a warm blanket. It was not the potent stench of horses, blood and dirt, but a smell that had always been underneath that, and belonged only to him.
She inhaled deeply, letting it invade her body intimately. She felt his warmth penetrate the cold fabric of her hoodie at her back. If he was aroused he did not show it, and in her fatigue she could not discern any difference between the various hard parts underneath her. His arms closed around her, his calloused hands, softened a bit by the water, stroking her belly and arms softly. He was murmuring a soft song in Elvish. Grateful, she lay her head against his shoulder, and drifted off to sleep.
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Elrohir watched her sleep in his brother's arms, his hands stroking her sleeping form. Elladan was slightly aroused, he noticed, and when their eyes met he did not hide it. It warmed his stomach seeing them like this and in that moment he wished to be even closer to his brother. He spoke softly in Elven tongue: "You feel it too, don't you?"
"Yes… I feel it, brother. We must not act on these urges. We are not compatible! We are together and she will choose. It is impossible!" Elladan's whispering sounded exasperated, aware of how his own body responses belied his words.
"Maybe she feels differently about it?"
"Why would that be?"
"Well there is a purpose to this. She must be suitable, right?"
"I fear that I do not know the whims of the mortal heart. Nor am I experienced with those of my own. We have purposely held off any possible bond through the centuries, my heart feels unaccustomed to such matters. Although she seems to feel some attraction, it is uncertain if they are of the same nature, no matter how often you strip before her."
Elrohir chuckled… "I can try that tactic again if in doubt?"
"How can you jest about this? How will this not be destructive?"
Elrohir grunted, suddenly angry: "You're impossible! I will take first watch."
His brother bit: "This is not a casual attraction! If we act upon it, our lives will change. One of us will fade!"
"You worry too much brother. Trust the Valar!"