Curative
Heads up, this is a two part scene.
I kept writing and writing and writing and before I knew it I had like 10k words and still more I wanted to write. So at the recommendation of someone that I trust, I broke it into two chapters so people can take a break.
This whole thing is Lauryl talking. It's legit 100% dialogue between them.
I hope you all enjoy it, I'm really nervous about it! I really badly wanted to make it good. :)
Laura shook her hands, her head, pacing back and forth. Why did I listen to Merle? Her mind raced in silent panic. This is it, make it or break it. She screwed her eyes shut, a painful twist in her stomach as she fought through the stress.
I said I would. I won't lie to him. I can't lie to him. That'll only make things worse. I have to be honest, brutally honest. Laura spun around, wringing her hands together tightly. Her knuckles paled as she clenched and released her fists.
"Right. Because this is supposed to be trust. Building something good. Honesty is the best policy." The Voice in Laura's head chimed in unhelpfully.
I know that! But, of course you'd say that, you're me. Ugh, fuck, even I'm trying to convince me to go through with it. Laura came to a dead stop, rolling her eyes as she chastised the Voice in her head that is herself. Confusingly.
She began to pace again, her eyes flickering to and fro, blinking rapidly. Why did I say I'd do this? Fuck you, Merle. This is your fault. Laura resisted a groan, trying to not to show herself just yet.
Laura realized that she had thrown the idea around about telling Daryl all the terrible happenings in Woodbury. It was easy to think about, but difficult to decide. When he had asked the other day, she brushed it off with the 'what would it change?' question. It was an attempt to dodge the answer, hoping to show he didn't need to know to know.
But that wasn't the truth and until this point Laura was able to avoid that truth. Which is, of course, that telling Daryl was terrifying. There was so much to tell, so much to go through, and it was all horrible. A weight added to Daryl's shoulders, naturally, but not a weight he minded. He wanted to support her, to help her. Laura knew he cared so very much and had great difficulty expressing it.
Though Laura did worry about burdening Daryl with the truth, that wasn't the reason she didn't answer him the other day. She didn't want to talk about it because she feared he wouldn't want her anymore.
Laura paused again, this time falling completely still. She was scared that, if he learned everything about her, he would leave her. She had changed so much in the months they were apart.
When Laura met Daryl, he was volatile and snapped at anyone near him, vaguely recalling Daryl calling her a bitch upon their first meeting. It was contentious at first, there was simply too much happening at once. Almost overnight Daryl changed his attitude towards her and it was a welcome surprise. She didn't know why, she just assumed it had to do with going back to Atlanta to save Merle.
More importantly, Laura was this shy mouse that was scared of people coming within arms length of her. She was small, frail, and terrified of the world. Her life growing up was so isolated that she never got to experience the world before... she was bitten and died on a lab table.
Daryl was involved with that Laura, the pre-second death Laura that was still holding over from before the world ended. He liked her, he wanted her. And... Laura wasn't that naive anymore. She was thrust into the wild and she came back like this.
Laura lifted her hands, staring at the blue skin, scars littered across her body. That muzzle on her face was alarming to say the least. The gauntlets she used to gut and rend those men from Woodbury, a waking nightmare that changed how some people looked at her.
She leaned her head back, closing her eyes, and dropping her hands. What do I say? I'm not the girl you were attracted to in Atlanta. I'm someone else now, sorry about it. She mocked herself inwardly, having to stop herself from sneering. ... Sorry I'm a monster, Sorry I died cause I just had to go with Rick and Shane. Against your wishes too!
Laura rolled her head on her neck, stretching the taut muscles there. She lifted a hand to run through her tangled hair, the pressure of her hand trying to relieve her growing headache.
I understand if you don't want this. Laura's eyes fell to the hard floor, staring at her feet. I know I'm not what you want. I'm not what anyone wants. I'm sorry I changed, I wish things were different... I wish I never changed at all.
"That's the same as wishing you were dead." The Voice was soft, only breaking up Laura's internal abuse. The wish she had not been changed would've been Laura's death and Laura knew it, intentionally having angled for that goal more than once.
Laura huffed this humorless laugh. With air in her lungs, there was no sound to alert Daryl she was there. He was in the cell block further in, not knowing she had entered the cell block yet.
I think that's the point. Laura removed the hand from her head, dragging it down her face and covering her mouth. I'm not supposed to be alive.
She took a deep breath, feeling her chest expand as her lungs inflated. None of what she was doing changed that pit in her stomach that caused her so much pain.
Thinking about the things in Woodbury was difficult, but she could handle it. The knowledge of those events rested squarely on her back. Laura carried everything alone to protect others from the weight, largely to protect Daryl from it.
She respected him, she loved him, and wanted to shield him from her reality. Telling him about Woodbury, the things that she endured, felt like she was hurting him. And the truth would hurt both of them, that would always be true no matter if she did or did not tell him.
Regardless of her aching fear balled up in her stomach, she had told him she would do this. She agreed to do it, she knew he wanted to know so much it was eating him alive. It hurt him not to know and it was hurting them not to talk. If they wanted to be together, they would have to talk about these things hanging over their head.
Laura wanted to avoid it so bad she glanced to the door, anxiety threatening to boil over. She felt a pull to leave the cell block, avoid this conversation entirely. Hold onto the ridiculous hope that he would never mention it and it would have no consequence. Which it would and he would absolutely come back to her with this.
If she ran now she couldn't expect things to be fine. He would be upset, more than he already is. Some fragile part of their relationship together would be broken. And it would be my fault... Laura turned to face the door leading out of the cell block. I'd ruin everything, as usual.
"He's been waiting long enough." The Voice laid the path out to Laura. To enter the cells or to leave the cell block.
I don't want him to know. Laura kept staring at the door, feeling her vision tunnel only to see the way out. An escape for her that would only bring a moment of relief, before everything fell apart. If she were to leave everything would be worse.
"Hey." That voice spoke so quietly it almost didn't break Laura's concentration. But in the agonizing silence of the cell block, it echoed through the emptiness.
Laura blinked, cutting off the sight of her escape and turned her eyes to see Daryl standing at the gate to the cells. He was leaning on the bars just observing her and this obvious internal war she was waging. He took notice sharply of how her gaze bore into the exit door.
She didn't answer him, only acknowledged him by her the shy look in her eyes. It was poorly veiled guilt as she was considering running away.
Instead of arguing or creating an issue about it, Daryl just nodded his head to the door. "You want out?" He coaxed her while trying not to convey how disappointed he would be if she said yes. He didn't want her to go, but he knew if she didn't want to be there he couldn't stop her. He may try to convince her, block her exit to talk to her. Still, he wouldn't force the issue.
Laura's eyes returned to the door, the promise of false comfort on the other side. Her impulse said yes, I want to leave and everything will be better. While she also knew that was a lie, if she left now the only thing on the other side was a divide between herself and Daryl.
So she shook her head and met his wary gaze. "No." Laura affirmed, feigning confidence in her decision. It would be difficult and take a considerable effort to answer his questions. Running away would solve nothing but add to the already pressing issues.
Daryl didn't need to say anything else, he just started to head back into the cells and Laura followed. She spared a last wishful glance to the door as she passed under the gate.
In order to obtain some chance at privacy, Daryl lead her to a cell on the second floor. Keeping some distance between them and anyone who entered this cell block was for the best. He knew she wouldn't utter a word if she felt they could be overheard.
The only times she had admitted to something being wrong was on her arrival and when Daisy confronted her about Markus. While Daryl wasn't sure what those two events did to convince Laura to be honest about her experiences while she was separated from him, he sought to replicate them.
Laura's arrival was... challenging for them all. Only by facing her head on with those problems, did she crack for the first time. It was perhaps considered brutal honesty, but it worked. The second was Daisy expressing her trust and love for Laura by not doubting or attacking her on Markus' death.
Granted, Daryl wasn't that attuned to the social graces like Daisy was, he still managed to eek out a lesson through the events. He had to be gentle, but firm; cautious, but candid. It's a balancing act he lacked the skills for and still planned to give it his all.
He entered a cell with her right behind him, the entrance once more covered by a blanket. This one had been occupied by someone from Red's group before and they had covered most of the cells for privacy. It was relatively clean, as clean as anything in the prison could reasonably be.
Inside the cell was the usual bunk bed and a chair just beside it. It was muted, the light coming in limited by the blanket. While it was a bit dark, he knew she would prefer it. Old conversations back on the farm when Laura had brought Sophia back to them taught him she was comfortable when it was darker. This still allowed enough light in for Daryl to see fine and allowed Laura to relax better.
He dropped onto the bunk, leaving enough room for her to sit with him or on the chair if she wanted. Though he felt better when she chose to sit beside him instead of putting distance between them.
Laura's eyes were almost glued to the floor with a faraway look. She didn't know where to begin, what exactly he wanted to learn about her. So she left it open, allowing Daryl to direct the conversation.
Before he tried though, Daryl caught her attention. "If ya' can't, don't." He insisted, a simple statement letting her know if she reached her limits, she could stop and he wouldn't hold it against her. When she finally looked at him and nodded, he understood she was ready.
"Where do you want me to start?" Laura shrugged weakly, finding it hard to hold eye contact with him. There were a hundred things she wanted to do with her time and none of them were professing her struggles to anyone.
Daryl wanted to know everything, he wanted to know everyday she was out there without him... But that was perhaps an unrealistic goal. So he settled for most of the time she was separated. "That night, on the farm. Ya' woke up an' found Rick, Carl. He said ya' left the car, said your goodbyes."
Laura's memory was far clearer the last few days with at the prison. She attributed it largely to Daryl having told her all the events she could not remember. Things before the farm were still blurry, but her time on the road with Carol and everything after that... it was vivid in her mind.
"I found Carol in the horde, trying to get away and failing. She was going to die if I didn't help her, she was already so close to being grabbed. So I got her out and from there just took it day by day. Kept her safe, fed, and we worked to find the group." Laura rattled off vague details. There hadn't been a lot happening during her time on the road, leaving little to discuss.
"Carol said ya' got scared of... hurtin' her." Daryl struggled with the word. He knew it and Laura knew it, he didn't have to say it.
Confirming Carol's story, Laura nodded. "It was so hard not to. That hunger hit me the moment I woke up and it got worse each day. I couldn't stop thinking about it... if she got too close at the wrong time, I know I would've."
Daryl kept himself from reacting to... that. He looked to reject the possibility of Laura hurting any of them, trying to find any evidence to support his disbelief. All he would find here was more proof that Laura changed in ways none of them were prepared to handle.
"What changed?" The moment he challenged her claim to have struggled against the hunger, he spat curses at himself internally. He didn't want the answer, because he feared the worst.
As if sharing the same negativity, Laura raised a brow to him. "What do you mean?" She hadn't caught on to what he was suggesting. It was hard to think Daryl would question her safety and control.
He bit his lip, still focusing on not showing any signs of his internal struggle. "You've been near us, around us; hell even with me while I sleep. I haven't seen ya' try to do anythin'."
Laura opened her mouth making a short sound of realization. She pushed herself further onto the bunk so her back was resting against the concrete wall. His eyes followed her before he chose to move back with her, joining her against the cold stone. "Woodbury happened."
Just saying the name of that town made Daryl angrier. She could clearly see that when his face twitched and he immediately fought to resist his usual reactive nature.
"If it weren't for Woodbury, I couldn't be here with y'all."
Hearing Laura say that was adding fuel to a fire already growing inside Daryl. He hated the town, the people of the town, and anything even partially related to the town. He saw the aftermath of her time in Woodbury and it sparked a valid rage in him.
With audible spite, Daryl pressed the issue. "What do you mean?"
Laura did not acknowledge that. She left the statement she made rest on their heads for the time being. It was far ahead of their conversation, it would take time to prove why she came to this conclusion. As backwards and hateful as it was, Woodbury gave Laura the chance to be with them again.
Sensing she wasn't going to respond, Daryl backed off. He had to continually remind himself of that cautious approach he had no experience at. Forcing anything wouldn't be conducive to his goal.
"How'd Woodbury find ya'?" Daryl changed the subject, finding this an opportunity to circle back to Red and his group. While Red claimed Laura performed an act of self sacrifice to save the others, Daryl always held a healthy suspicion.
"I stayed behind, gave everyone time to get away. When the others went over the fence, Red reached back down for me. I took his hand, but... if I tried to escape with them we'd all be caught. Besides... I wasn't going to make it much longer considering." Laura referenced her earlier problem with the hunger. "I let go. I heard Red trying to quietly call for me when I went back. I can't remember what he said, but I remember how he looked. He was... shocked? I guess that's the word for it. It looked like I just broke his heart and I felt awful for it."
Laura closed her eyes, seeing this almost dreamlike image of Red in her head. He was crying, devastated and desperately trying to reach for her. He had no choice and no way to go back for her, they had to leave her behind.
Hearing the confirmation of Red's story definitely changed Daryl's disposition towards the large man. The way Laura described the event that resulted in her capture painted a clear picture of Red. He figured Red wouldn't want to tell everyone how he cried out for her, how helpless he felt when she left.
In truth Red felt a tremendous guilt for Laura's capture. Knowing what he knows now, Red carried the guilt of Laura's torture on his back. He hated himself for it and lashed out the more he saw her, confronted by his perceived failure to protect Laura.
"I was in the house shooting back to keep their attention on me. They got away. Then Merle threw a grenade at me." Laura recounted the final blow she took that brought her down. Quite literally as the blast from the grenade had forced Laura out the second story window and onto the grass below.
Daryl was surprised to learn that. Merle threw a grenade at Laura, which if she was unlucky would've killed her. A strange piece of information that he wasn't sure what to do with.
As the seconds ticked by, Daryl saw her hesitating to continue. To encourage her, Daryl placed his hand atop hers on her lap. She looked down to see his hand and back up to Daryl, offering a weak smile of appreciation. "What'd they do?" Daryl urged. A gentle tone, but firmly pushing her ahead.
Laura licked her bottom lip before biting it. She fought with the words as they stuck in her throat. He was there with her, ready and willing.
"Took me to a room and tried to get me to give up who I was with, where they went." Laura's eyes fell to his shirt, absently staring at him. Her thoughts a mess with gaps in her memories, times of complete black out breaking up the interrogations. "I didn't say anything for a long time. Then, one day, the Governor came in and did this."
Laura leaned up from the wall, turning her head away from him. Removing her hand from under his, she pulled her hair to the side, and moved her shirt down her shoulders to reveal the hot iron burn. Daryl felt his jaw clench involuntarily.
"Like I said before, heat like that... I don't know. I just can't handle it. It's like my brain just goes haywire, everything's so... blank and also everything at the same time." Laura rested her back on the wall again, making a confused face as she failed to find the words to describe the pain she felt. "Well, I know if I get burned, something extremely hot touches me; you can bet I'm out of commission for a while." She chuckled darkly, expressing this painful realization awkwardly.
Making light of a terrible situation was often her go-to to alleviate the stress of it. Daryl had picked up on that early on with her. So when he saw it, Daryl didn't argue against it. He knew she wasn't joking to minimize the hurt, she just did it so she could deal with it.
Daryl brought a leg up, resting an arm on his knee. Those nervous ticks threatened to come back, to show how distressing this was for him. It took his full attention to hold it back.
But now came the hardest part. Her time on the road, the farmhouse, and her initial capture weren't something Laura struggled with. She handled it quite well considering how hard she fought to control herself. It was everything that came after.
Detecting another pause of reluctance from Laura, he spurred the conversation on. "Were you...?" Daryl loosely gestured to Laura's entire body. Laura looked at him quizzically, unclear on what he was hinting at. He didn't want to say it, but she didn't pick it up. "Blue. Were ya' blue like this then?"
Nodding, Laura grinned. "Yeah. Yeah, Daryl. I turned blue fairly soon after Carol and I left the farm."
Daryl sniffed, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth. He was curious about what made her look like she does, but that was a more innocent curiosity. One he wasn't sure how to pursue without sounding strange and he absolutely didn't want her to think he disliked her appearance.
The mood dropped almost instantly as they both knew they were to continue with her time in Woodbury. There was no way around what came next.
"Then what?" Daryl's voice wavered for only a moment. Both of them were nervous about the time that really changed her.
In an unexpected tonal shift, Laura sneered. "Then they just left me in there. They didn't even care. Like, they should've shot me in the head and been done with it. But no, I sat there in that cell for I don't know how long left to the mercy of whoever." Her tone was hurt and hateful. She knew she was weakly guarding the shame she felt being so helpless and vulnerable.
Not expecting that from Laura, Daryl made a careful move to sit closer to her. His hand returned to her lap, a silent physical sign of his support. He hoped it was enough.
Laura's eyes looked up to the bottom of the bunk above their heads. She kept her calm barely, fighting against old feelings she had done her best to hold back for months. "Mercy is a shitty way to put it. I mean, some of the people found out the Governor didn't really give a damn what happened to me anymore. So they took advantage of that."
She felt his hand on her lap begin to grip her. His tenseness increased dramatically the more she talked about it. Laura put her hand on his, trying to return the support he offered her. It was difficult, but she knew this was hurting him too.
"The first thing I remember, I guess the beginning of the end for me there, was one of the Woodbury wannabe soldiers coming into the cell." Laura turned her head away, avoiding Daryl as best she could. "All I really remember was him holding my head to the floor and..." She was stopped when she felt Daryl's hand turn over and grab her hand.
He didn't feel the need to press for those details. She had mentioned a similar event in Woodbury when Merle protected her. So he was aware someone or multiple people forced themselves on her.
And the anger he felt burned him inside and out. He wanted to say something, to do something that would somehow fix everything. But he knew he didn't have that power, no one did. What's done is done and the best thing he could possibly do is be there now.
Laura got the idea that he didn't want her to detail this. He already was picturing it in his head, he really didn't want anymore. That and Laura didn't like saying it, explaining those moments were the worst. So she took the chance to skip it entirely.
"The Governor, he figured ya' out. You said-" Daryl had to relax his jaw, noticing he was sounding much harsher than he meant to. Swallowing that hate he felt, he tried again. "Ya' dad was there in Woodbury. The guy we saw in that old busted up precinct, was him, right?"
Curious, Laura returned his question with a question. "Why did you go there in the first place?"
He figured that was fair, the precinct was out of their way. "Michonne told us that's where they kept ya'. She was there when they did that to ya'." Daryl pointed to her stomach. She understood he meant the brand on her abdomen, it was hard to miss.
"That couldn't have been a pleasant sight. It's really not in my head anymore, honestly. I wish I could tell you what went on surrounding it, but all I remember is what caused it and... some flashes, mostly just feelings." Laura frowned, imagining that night and recalling the pain induced black out.
"S'alright." Daryl brushed it off. He wasn't looking to press her if she couldn't go there. That brand on her stomach was already discussed and he was relieved to know Laura didn't blame Merle.
Returning to the focus, Laura waved her free hand in a halfhearted circle. "Well, after some time in the cell just being a punching bag to whoever, the Governor finally came back. That time he brought someone with him, but... the big reveal already happened. It was my father, back for more experiments." Laura spared Daryl a sad look, "Did you kill him?"
Daryl scoffed, a low growl to his voice. "Wish I had." He had to stop himself from going off on another spiteful rave about him. "Knocked him out, but he's alive. If I'd known I would've."
Laura just nodded, not offering any signs if she approved or disapproved. She wouldn't say anything about it or Daryl attacking the man. While her time with her father was agony, it provided information she wouldn't have otherwise obtained.
It lead Laura to conflicting feelings on the matter.
"More experiments, my dad telling the Governor I wasn't really alive. That I'm not actually a person, so no need to treat me like one." Again, Laura felt his hand tighten around her own. She found that unexpectedly comforting, knowing it upset Daryl to hear that. "Meant the folks in Woodbury still... Ah, just 'mistreated' me. To sum it all up I guess."
Once more, the grip on her hand tightened. Laura winced, using her free hand to rest on his hand. It was a motion to quietly suggest that he relax his grip somewhat as it began to grow painful. Realizing this, Daryl instantly dropped the pressure in his hand. "Sorry." He mumbled, almost too quiet to hear.
Still, the story she told hadn't answered all of his questions. Daryl chose to find them himself. "What about the..." He gestured to her face, "Muzzle and the gloves?"
Laura smirked at that, recalling fondly how much turmoil it caused Woodbury. "The few men of Woodbury that did force themselves on me, got a nasty bite. They hurt me, so I hurt them back only way I could. If any of 'em made the mistake of giving me the chance, I'd bite them until they bled. Left a lot of questions in Woodbury when their people returned with bite wounds. Left scars too."
While he liked hearing about them getting some comeuppance, it was still overshadowed by the knowledge of those assaults she suffered. That it happened enough that Woodbury considered it a problem. That distressed him to know.
"So they stuck a muzzle on ya'." Daryl lamented. The pain that thing caused her. "They nailed it into ya' just to stop ya' from defendin' yourself. Fuckers!" He snapped with venom. Another split second where he lost control of that white hot rage he was choking down.
Laura's hand came up to his arm, trying to help him through that rage. Quickly he suppressed it, knowing this wasn't the time to start. Just like on the farm when she asked him to stay with her instead of going after Shane.
Though now Daryl wished he had. Knowing Shane had been the reason Laura changed. That Shane killed her, that night he carried her across the field. He could recall every second, one of the worst memories he had; carrying her lifeless body to the farm.
It was a crushing experience that drove him into a pit of self doubt. He was helpless, all he could do it wait to hear what had happened to her. After all these months now learning Shane was the cause of that night, he really wished he had paid him back.
Rick got there first though.
"Hey, it's okay." Laura attempted to comfort him, not knowing what to say or how to help him. She knew this was hard for him to listen to and she didn't know how it made him feel. She only hoped to make it easier on him somehow.
But hearing her say that caused another flare up. "No, it damn well isn't." Daryl was incredulous about her saying it was okay. Which she obviously knew wasn't true, she just didn't know what else to say. "Those bastards nailed that thing inside your mouth. Just 'cause those assholes-" He hesitated to say it. That forbidden word that, when said, would make it all the more violently real.
He met her gaze, seeing her just barely turn away as his voice got louder. He was angry with them, not with her. To reinforce this, he stifled that anger again. Doing his best to funnel it into his efforts to comfort her instead of getting out of hand.
Before he could speak and try to smooth it over, Laura said it for him. "Yeah, just cause." Laura muttered lowly. She reconsidered how normal it had felt to have that muzzle on but how insane it was to them. Rationalizing the need for the muzzle... She knew there were benefits to it, say if her hunger proved to be a threat again. "I'm sorry, I guess I just don't... think about it anymore."
If hearing about the beginning of her torture at Woodbury didn't hurt enough, learning Laura had normalized it hurt even more. "Nah, it ain't you. Y'know how it is, ya' survived. Nothin' wrong with that."
Laura gave him an appreciative smile, tightening her hand on his. "It's hard to hear, I know. If you need me to stop-"
Daryl cut her off immediately. "Damn, I'm fine. Don't be worryin' 'bout me." He truly didn't want Laura considering how he felt right now. He wanted the focus on her, entirely about her. That wouldn't happen of course because Laura was constantly looking to see how he was handling it.
Instead of trying to argue the point, Laura did continue for now. "The gloves, the gauntlets they nailed on... that was to be more effective." She mused and quickly took note of Daryl's reaction to that. "The Governor saw my value for Woodbury. They lost less people on runs, scavenging got better hauls, and attacking other groups went a lot smoother."
Though he would like to act as if she said none of that, he couldn't ignore it. "You really did all that?"
Laura withheld her answer a moment, thinking back to her talk with Merle the night before. It wasn't anything grand, Merle wasn't the one to hold emotional exchanges. He barely handled the few moments they shared together that left him vulnerable in any way.
But he reinforced that Daryl wouldn't hold her time in Woodbury against her. If he tried, Merle would knock sense into him. She didn't want anyone to knock anyone around of course. It was the thought that, regardless of Daryl's reaction, she wouldn't be alone.
"They... forced me." Laura began tentatively, watching him closely. "Woodbury is sustained by their raids on other groups. Scavenging did a lot for sure... just not enough to support so many people. To keep everyone fed and armed, so the Governor planned ambushes for any group they found."
As if the people of the prison needed more reasons to prove Woodbury was a threat. Daryl could put it together easily that even if Laura wasn't there that day, even if they met people from Woodbury amicably; they still would've attacked.
That fear in her stomach welled up again, seeing Daryl considering what she had told him. Whatever he was thinking, she wasn't privy to. Clearly the revelation that Woodbury was going to have attacked them regardless of Laura and Merle was disturbing.
From the moment they came to this area they were in danger. If they had not found the prison, Daryl wondered if Woodbury would've caught up with them. If they would've all been killed... and if Laura would've been there to carry it out.
So many what if's and missed opportunities to have reunited with Laura sooner. In his quiet thoughts, Daryl had not noticed how disappointed Laura looked. Her eyes avoided him, shame forcing her to retreat from his gaze. "I understand if... you think less of me. I just want you to know, I didn't want any of that. I hated it and... I regret everything. I hurt people. It wasn't right to do that just to save my own skin."
Daryl pulled Laura's hand towards him, though she still didn't look at him. "Nah, no way in hell I'd think less of ya'. Ain't no one gonna' blame you for trynna' stay alive."
Though he assured her he wasn't holding it against her, she didn't move. Taking that as a sign she didn't believe him, Daryl reached out with his hand and placed it on her chin. He drew her to face him, her sad expression testing his resolve to keep himself together.
"Ya' can't scare me off." Daryl insisted firmly. She looked back to him and he felt encouraged to continue. "Ain't none of this convinced me to leave. Nothin' 'bout ya' is wrong, you hearin' me?"
She didn't say anything, just kept her focus on that stern look in his eye. "You're the way ya' meant to be. I don't give a damn 'bout blue skin, scars, or that brand. Don't mean shit to me, ya' still my woman. Like I said." Daryl paused a moment, thinking back to the farm. He wondered if... and if not he would reiterate it. "Ya' remember what I said, on the farm after that horse bucked us off. Ya' told me what happened in Atlanta, why ya' covered in marks all over."
Laura tried to run through all those old memories, all still fairly blurry but they made more sense now. After Daryl had told her about their time together, everything before Laura's time on the road with Carol, she could piece certain images together.
Memories weren't entirely reliable, but there were some decently clear. This was one in her head, though it was in flashing snippets of a whole she could not fully see. A bedridden Daryl, her carrying his crossbow, the ache in her leg, the fear she had telling him what those men in Atlanta did to her.
She mused for a second about how small those problems seemed against the more recent events in her life. The torture overshadowed her time in Atlanta in so many ways she... didn't even think that much about Atlanta anymore.
When Laura didn't answer, Daryl chose to repeat himself even if she did remember. It was getting harder to do though as that emotional dam he held in place was starting to come undone. "You're my woman." His voice cracked, an involuntary sign of his resolve breaking below the surface.
Laura heard that crack, saw his usually gruff expression flinch for just a moment. Alarmed, she reached out to hold his arm, watching as those cracks grew. "And I said I wouldn't let no one touch you like that." Daryl dropped his head, trying to hide his embarrassment the second he felt his eyes sting.
"Oh, Daryl." She pulled him close to her. He resisted weakly before falling into her, his arms loosely wrapping around her smaller frame. His head buried into the crook of her neck, her hair falling around him as she held him tightly.
She felt his breath hitch and his body tense as he tried and failed to hide his cries. She knew these things would affect him, she hadn't realized how deeply it hurt though. He had managed to compose himself well to this point where he couldn't hold it in anymore.
Laura ran her hand up and down his back, her other hand coming up to the back of his neck. There wasn't anything anyone could do that could stop the way it hurt them both.
"I was supposed to protect ya'." Daryl repeated through his tightening throat. He knew he sounded terrible, but he couldn't help it. As he kept trying to repress those flood gates of emotions he didn't ever want to acknowledge, it got worse. "You were still hurtin' from what those bastards done to ya' and I told ya' I'd keep ya' safe."
After that, those gates burst. His arms crushed her to him, his hands gripping at her back. He sobbed, unable to hold himself back. She felt his labored breath on her neck, how his shoulders shook with every strangled cry.
She never thought she'd ever see him break down like this. She had no way of knowing how he would react to what she told him as she had never seen him so exposed. All those walls he kept up from a lifetime of abuse she had slipped through and now she saw what that meant to him.
For Daryl to let someone this close to him was stressful, exhausting, and rewarding. He loved Laura, a scary prospect for him as he had very few good memories of people he cared for. So many people in his life were cruel or neglectful. It left a fear of sensitivity, an insecurity about his worth to others, and a sense that he didn't mean anything to them.
Over the last few months surviving with the group they instilled a sense of worth for him. He was valued here and wanted, as evidenced by how hard people worked to keep him close. Carol especially reached out to him, Rick trusted him implicitly, and the others relied on him.
To Daryl there was one person that had grown on him. From Atlanta to the Greene's farm, he couldn't see himself letting her go. From what he believed a man should protect his woman, no matter what. She needed his protection and he wasn't there.
Laura kept holding him as he finally let out months of pent up hurt, losing her was a personal wound he carried with him every day. They all had every reason to believe they'd never see her again.
Daryl hadn't ever come to terms with losing her. He felt like a failure, someone who had completely disappointed her. It wasn't that she left, he felt he had lost her. That her separation from the group was somehow his fault.
It crushed him for the longest time. To feel like such a failure that when she needed him most, he couldn't be there for her.
Gemini's Revenge:
Oh no, don't worry. Praise never gets redundant at all, I promise. It's always wonderful to hear from you, I keep an eye out for your username when I get notifications on reviews cause I always read yours immediately!
Yeah they got some rockiness for sure, there's some struggles they keep to themselves. Even after these two chapters of talking there's still stuff they haven't talked about. Sometimes you gotta take it one step at a time and the conversation in these two chapters are enough. Plus the end of the next chapter after this one finalized a lot. :)
Hell yes! I can't wait for Laura x group interactions too. There's like so much I want to do and during the months the prison is built up, we're gonna explore as much as I possibly can! I hope anyways, it's going to take a lot of work!
Senior pets are my life. I've only ever adopted pets over like 6-7 years old. I know what you mean. It hurts to know they live only so long, but it feels amazing to know you provide them with a loving family and a happy life.
Oh gosh I wish my girl understood fetch. She's got 0 clue what to do with a ball. She wants to sleep, sleep, sleep, and when I try to take her on a walk she decides "Nope" in the middle of it and I have to carry this 70lbs dog back to the car. Quite a workout!
She's also terrified of hard floors. Can't get her to go in the kitchen lol
I'm seriously glad to hear how well she recovered from her surgery. It's such a relief. Tally was the same way, clearly suffering before her surgeries and when she was healed up, she's better than ever! Back to having fun, in her own weird way, and pain free :3
Well, in order:
1. I'm alright. I've been off work since February so I've been safely quarantined since then.
2. My fav color is blue, but like a deep ocean blue.
3. If I was a survivor in the Walking Dead I'd probably just stick to the mountains. I live in Georgia only a few minutes out from Atlanta and live in the areas TWD is shot in lol
Daryl's from the north mountains and I think that's probably the safest place to be considering how many people would likely be bitten and turned in Atlanta and in the Metro Atlanta area. Blue Ridge, the nature trails, etc.
Would ABSOLUTELY go run around the giant mansions out here, take a bunch of horses. There's already growing farms in the mountains and a plentiful supply of farm animals to survive.
If I found the folks in the show I'd most likely come into contact with Rick's group since I live not far from where the group met outside Atlanta. It's just more likely to run into them. I really don't think I'd be a Daryl's type like Laura is lol so I wouldn't be shacked up with everyone's fav hunter.
Probably pal around with Carol cause she's easy to get along with and she's a really kind person all around.
If you ever wanna chat you can always send me messages, I always have my tumblr up and I chat with quite a few of my readers there. Usually in private messages since most folks just wanna hang out lol
Also, please feel free to request anything there too. I love writing for Lauryl there and am working on getting the spin-off AU up. The first chapter is being released now that I've finished these two lonnnnggggg chapters! :)
Jomobabe45:
Oh man this story has looooooooooong chapters. I promise I'm trying to shorten them but it's always so hard :x
I'm glad you enjoy the story so much, it really means the world to me. I try to work hard and am always worried about what people think of it. Knowing readers that actually stay and keep reading makes me feel like I'm on the right track! :)
hellion117:
Night Hunter like from Dying Light? That would be fuckin cool as hell