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Chapter 19 - The landscape changed in the waning...

The landscape changed in the waning light. Shapes grew hollow by the shadows that deepened. The growth of dusk was affecting their mood, deepening their growing feelings of unrest and despair, making them barely noticing their surroundings. A perilous situation for two elves in the wilderness.

Mithroch's steady pace did nothing to comfort Elladan. His thoughts defied the steady rhythm of the horses' gait, being in disarray, fleeing here and there. The undercurrent of this chaos, felt like defeat and loss. After all these centuries they had fallen beyond the point of no return. He could see only one way out of this situation with Rin, through pain and death.

Why had they engaged with her, giving in to their attraction, for so long? Why had they let this bond grow beyond repair? The intense anger and regret made him feel tears behind his eyes. All was lost. His brother was lost to him. He could not see it differently.

Elrohir suddenly halted in front of him. Mithroch reacted nervously.

"Tracks, fresh. Three orcs. One warg." Elrohir's gruff shortness of speech was a comfort. He had his brother at his side, for now.

On his brothers initiative he unsheathed his sword. They shared a look of concern. So close to Imladris. This was unheard of and it worried them deeply. For a moment they forgot about the situation with Rin, relieved to face danger.

Elrohir looked back towards the track that they had followed, then he moved his gaze to their front. "Still five miles towards the riverbed. It will be in their advantage when they attack us in there. I fear my energy has not returned yet. How is your hand?"

Elladan frowned. His brother spoke the truth, the riverbed that they used going north was hidden and cut straight through an impenetrable mass of thorny thicket. Not much room to fight or flee.

"My hand hurts, but I can fight with the other. Surely we can defeat three orcs and a warg, brother. Worry not. But how can they know of our passageway?"

Elrohir ignored his question, urging Suldal forward with soft words. Slowly they made their way towards the south. But they kept their swords unsheathed and were on alert for any sign of the enemy.

Upon reaching the riverbed, the landscape changed slowly. The thicket became more and more dense, rocks and boulders making place for large areas with tough bushes, covered in thorns the branches dense. Wrestling through the landscape until they seemed unable to move forward, the ground suddenly tilted downwards, revealing the empty riverbed.

Their spirits lifted, they sped up through the riverbed, their master's spirit igniting the horses' courage. They moved quick and certain, finding less resistance from their surroundings.

Without warning the warg jumped from the higher sides of the riverbed onto Elladan's back. It growled while piercing his flesh with his long claws. Elladan shouted at his brother, trying to shrug the creature off, but it clung to his back. In his anger he tried to grab the creature's head. After a few misses that send fear into the pit of his stomach, he finally got a good hold of it and pulled it with a loud cry over his head forward. Its claws still buried in his flesh, ripped his back open, red hot pain searing through his body. His Elven strength made the creature's weight only just manageable and with a thud and a crack it hit the ground on its back and moved no more.

In the sudden silence Elrohir had turned Suldal with difficulty on the small path. Then one orc ran silently from underneath the thicket on the right side and pierced the top of Elrohir's arm with his ragged sword. The Elf didn't utter a sound, but his erratic chopping movements with the sword betrayed the fact that he was not well yet, after their last fight. After two failed attempts, he finally managed to kill the creature. Panting he shared a look with his brother, and scanned his surroundings. Two more.

"Behind you!" Elladan yelled. Two more orcs, appeared. But this time the brothers were more prepared. Elrohir jumped off his horse with a flash, charging them by foot, while Elladan passed Suldal on Mithroch charging them on horseback. The kill was clean and easy and their attention was turned to the warg soon. Lying still on the ground, it was uncertain if it died.

Elladan dismounted quietly. Both brothers walked stealthily towards the creature. Elrohir poked it with his foot, sword at the ready, but it seemed lifeless. Bending down, he moved to give a final blow with his sword, just to be sure. With a sudden movement the creature leaped up, aiming its gruesome jaws with snapping sounds at his throat. Elrohir's reflexes kicked in a few seconds too late. He moved to the side, evading the teeth, but was too slow in doing it. The teeth sank in his shoulder, making him cry out.

A shocked Elladan, pierced the warg's side with his sword, killing it effectively. In the deathening silence that followed, they could only hear themselves panting, while the situation they found themselves in slowly revealed themselves.

They were both seriously injured, even if not deep, the wounds were many and they were a days' ride from Imladris still. They shared a look. They would ride back immediately. Cleaning the wounds was too time consuming. There was no running water around and their supplies not sufficient for good wound care. Only taking time to clean their swords, Elrohir turned Suldal around on the path once again and with careful movements they pushed their painful bodies on their mounts and departed.

Xxxxxxxxx

Elrond's call was swiftly answered by a lean Elf with brown hair, brown eyes and sharp features. "Master Elrond?"

Elrond spoke quickly: "Fetch Lord Glorfindel at once. Then alert the remainder of the Guard and let them prepare for battle."

The Elf looked taken aback, but knew better than to ask questions. He turned on his heels and ran into the dark of the night to execute his masters' request.

Elrond strode restless between his study and living room. In his heart he saw but one optional strategy and that meant sending Glorfindel out to aid Tessarion. It was a cruel decision, for Glorfindel might meet his second death. An honorable death it was that he saw, but it was death nevertheless. In defence of Tessarion, already fallen, he was mortally wounded and fell there, on a small battlefield against a large host of orcs. Too many. He shuddered.

His decision was motivated by hope. Hope that aided by this foresight, Glorfindel would aid Tessarion in time, joining forces. If he acted quickly, their survival rate might be higher. His hope extended towards his sons as well, if the combined Guard could monitor the movements of the enemy and thus alert or aid his sons.

Elrond closed his eyes for a moment, willing his mind to still. His sons. His children left stubborn and angry for the wilderness and he could not see where their road had taken them. Their reckless behaviour and unaccountability made things worse. They might meet this orc force head on for all he knew. They lived for risks like that. How could he trust them to choose a safe path instead of volunteered suicide? His heart clenched for them and he kept seeing flashes of their deaths, a sight no father should ever witness. His sons' beautiful bodies, tortured until broken, naked for the carrion birds to feast upon.

Lost in grief, he missed the knock on the door and swirled around in surprise when Glorfindel burst through it, his expression grave.

The Elf Lord, a flurry of blue, silver and gold, took a quick step forward into the room, "It must be a grave matter, for you to let me be lifted from my bed at this hour…"

Elrond nodded.

Glorfindel sighed, raking a hand through his long golden hair, "Just tell me, Elrond."

"A large host of orcs and wargs are on the rise. Tessarion and his Guard are in danger. You must ride out to aid them."

The frown in Glorfindel's slender eyebrows, showed disbelief for a moment.

"How do you know of this? Did your sons return with this intelligence?"

Elrond looked at him pointedly. Surveying his features, Glorfindel sighed in defeat. "Ah, you have seen it? Tell me, is Tessarion himself in danger?"

Elrond said nothing but nodded seriously.

"And what about your sons? They are still in the wilderness, the north I believe?"

Elrond gritted his teeth, despair shimmered in his eyes and Glorfindel narrowed his eyes at the sight of it. "Even you, mellon nin."

Glorfindel's eyes widened slightly. Then he stood abruptly and gave a courteous bow with his head. "Hantanyel órenyallo*. For telling me." He remained very calm, for he was too old and too experienced to fear death. But Elrond knew he was disturbed, for he had reverted to Quenya for an unguarded moment.

"Forgive me for informing you, mellon. But you are the only one who I trust in the matter of my sons and captain's life."

"There is nothing to forgive, Elrond. You are right to have told me. But I fear I cannot give council in this matter. I would give my life to save all three of them, but I cannot foresee the outcome of my actions. I do not possess your gift, Elrond, there is no ring on my fingers."

Elrond, Master of Rivendell, looked forlorn for a moment and he felt the weight of his decisions pressing on him. He felt for a moment alone and even scared, something he had not felt for many a century. For a fleeting moment he thought of his wife. What would she have said to him. What would she advise on the faith of her sons?

Their conversation was cut short by the lean Elf bursting into Elrond's study. "Master Elrond!"

Elrond turned towards him and raised his eyebrows.

"Your sons have returned! They seem wounded!"

Elrond and Glorfindel shared a look.

"We'd better hear their news."

Elrond nodded in agreement and left his chambers in a hurried step towards the healing wards. This feeling of anxiety, he was centuries old, and still this feeling kept being there, in the pit of his stomach when his children were hurt. It was the burden of the parent, to be concerned for children until the end of times. He practically ran down the stairs. Glorfindel following suit.

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Elrohir sat grimacing while Elrond cleaned the wound on his arm with irritating harsh strokes.

"Have you no amends to make, after your last parting words!"

Elladan sat in the corner, his wounds already treated. His clothes were ruined and he sat shirtless, cradling his hand, watching his brother squirm.

Glorfindel stood, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, watching the scene before him with an unreadable expression.

"This blade was blunt and rusty." Elrond spoke without aim into the silence.

Elrohir shrugged stating matter of factly, "It was an orc."

Elrond worked further on cleaning the wound, then sewing the edges together. When it was finished, he said: "That should keep it together. Now all that is needed is rest."

Elrohir stared at his father in tired defiance. "Why do you bother, father."

Elrond's eyes shot fire suddenly. His rage filled the room within an instant, the air suffocating, his energy and power too large to be contained in such a small space. The twins were taken aback, their stubbornness forgotten for a moment. Only Glorfindel seemed unperturbed. In the silent pressure no angry words were uttered. Elrond just stared at them and stated, "You will clean yourself. Then come to my chambers. I have news."

Hs demeanour ruled out any defiance. The twins stared at their father, wondering what got him this riled up.

When Elrond left, his departure lifting the pressure inside instantly, leaving the twins stunned and troubled.

Xxxxxxx

The silence was deafening when the door of their quarters fell in its lock. The slightly dusty air, the lack of wind, it felt strange on their skin. The feeling was the same every time they returned here, but now it seemed like agony, inescapable, ever present. An itch that they could not scratch.

Silently and with hesitant feet they walked through the familiar space, but it did not feel like their space. It was an eerie feeling to be facing a room where love and sadness was shared over the years, but the memories seemed cut off from their sense of self at that moment. It was just a space enclosed by walls, filled with some wooden furniture, empty, devoid of meaning.

After a while, Elrohir stared at Elladan with haunted eyes. When he spoke, his voice was raspy and strange in the empty silence around them. "It is a void in me brother, a void that is ripping my fea to shreds. The pain is unbearable, even now. We need to heal this wound." He turned towards Elladan more fully and grasped a lock of his hair, sliding it through his fingers. "If we seek her out, I fear what will come of it, even if we do not have a choice."

Elladan felt a tear leave his left eye, caused by emotions that he did not feel, but seemed to overflow his very being nevertheless. He felt strangely detached.

"I cannot see you hurt. But I cannot fool myself any longer, brother. I will face this fear. I can see it now, clearly in my mind, this corruption that we inflicted upon ourselves. Ada was right."

"He is always right. That makes this so hard. But I feel it is time to make amends. Let us seek out his counsel. Let that be our first step."

Elladan nodded while his brother embraced him, holding him tightly in his arms. Over his brothers shoulder Elrohir spotted two basins with warm water on the large table, fresh cloth next to it. He hit Elladan on his shoulder blade with the back of his hand. "Come, let us get clean first."

He pulled Elladan towards the table and carefully started to undress him with gentle touch. Elladan sighed, relishing the soothing body contact, leaning into him from time to time.

Dipping the cloth in the basin, rinsing off dirt and blood from his brother's skin, Elrohir thought on their resolve. He feared Rin's choice as much as his brother did, but he felt it impossible to deny himself to try and win her heart back again. For the first time in centuries he would act without his brothers' well-being in his heart. He was at a loss. What should they do?

He had been staring at his brother's chest for a while, the cloth unmoving on his stomach. Elladan shook him softly until he saw Elrohir slip back into his mind again.

"I know what is in your mind brother. We have never ventured the path of competition in this way…."

Elrohir grabbed a dry cloth. "And what of ada. It will break his heart when we either choose this mortal path or when we sail."

Elladan sighed. "We cannot 'do' anything but choose to embrace this bond, brother. But the manner in which we proceed might make our path easier or might worsen it. You are right to seek counsel first."

"Well, then. Let us consult the wisest of our kind, brother. We owe him to be his sons once more. Let us act the part."

Xxxxxxxxx

An hour later, the twins sat at Elrond's table, cleaned and washed, their hair braided anew with intricate interwoven battle braids. They were clad in a fresh set of dark blue tunics and breeches, their swords ever present on their sides. Their features were calm and reverend. Glorfindel stared at their transformation from petty defiant young elves, into the sons of Elrond, Noldor lords, wisdom upon their brow matching that of their father.

They had recollected themselves while refreshing in a most marvelous way and they seemed more in balance than when he saw them last. If Elrond noticed, he hid it well and showed no outwards surprise at the change. Glorfindel suspected that the cause of their transformation was that they had come to some kind of conclusion to their predicament of sorts. He hoped for the sake of his Lord that they chose wisely.

A small meal was served, which the twins ate with haste. When they sipped from a glass of wine, fully sated and warm, Elrond came to business.

"A large host of orcs is descending upon this realm. It seems wrong to call them orcs, for they differ greatly from them, faster, more intelligent. Wargs seem to scout and report to the host, which suggest a level of intelligence unheard of for these beasts. They are making way towards the northern wilderness to my realm, but to other strongholds as well, although those are out of my reach of vision. We need to turn this tide."

Elladan opened his mouth to speak, but Elrond put up his hand, palm facing him. "I fear that I am in need of your patience for a few more moments." He fell silent for a moment. Then he looked his sons straight into their eyes. "I have seen in my mind's eye, four possible deaths of you three and captain Tessarion." A grave silence fell.

Elladan had blanched. Elrohir said with gruff voice, "How much is certain?"

Elrond sighed deeply. "As with all possibilities within my line of vision, I can see them, but not foretell what is going to pass and what not. The possibilities are interwoven moments in time, stories that can or cannot unfold. It is folly to predict any outcome at this point."

The twins felt dread filling the pits of their stomachs. Rin was with Tessarion! The realisation made fear materialise inside them instantly. If Tessarion and the Guard were in danger, she would be as well. They shared a look, recognizing the panic and guilt in each other's eyes. They were responsible for this! They drove her out of Imladris and into the Guard! If she died or got hurt it was their fault and theirs alone! They felt it like a knife cutting through their heart and fea, tearing the rip in it even further.

They shared a long and meaningful look. They were at a loss. They could no longer deny their folly, the wisdom in their father's words upon their previous parting. There was no doubt: their fea was torn, their skills had become untrustworthy, their minds unbalanced. They were at a loss to their next step. Wanting to confront her, but dreading competing with each other and fearing separation.

Glorfindel looked at the twins, "Let us discuss what needs to be done to make everybody safe. You have been travelling the lands. Make yourselves useful for a change, what have you seen?"

Elrohir crossed his arms over his chest while Elladan reported their findings on the strange encounter with the Wargs and the divergent orc breed. They could pinpoint their locations and possible movements in the lands.

Glorfindel and Elrond asked questions until they were satisfied nothing was missed.

Then Glorfindel stated bluntly while standing straight, "I will be leaving with the remainder of the Guard to aid Tessarion. To combine forces, might turn this tide of death. Will you come?"

A silence fell in the room in which the twins observed each other for a moment. Elladan stared at his brother, noticing his pale face and dark hollow eyes. They did not know how to respond. They felt paralysed by the new information that seemed to make their troubles intensify.

Elrond beheld is sons and was worried. Underneath their newly regained dignity, he saw their pain. The rip in their fea was evident, as were the mental and physical effects. It was clear they had finally come to some kind of realisation, but were at a loss. Relief washed over him. Their cause was not lost yet. He cast his eyes on his sons, piercing them with inquisitive eyes, willing them to speak.

Still, Elladan was slow to answer. "We seek your …. counsel father, for it seems your concerns were justified." The words were heavy in his mouth, like he needed to push up stones through his throat that fell on the table in front of him.

"Counsel on what matter?" His voice cautious. They had to come forward of their own free will, he would not put words in their mouths. It was important to let them reach their own conclusions.

"Counsel on our bond with Rin and our damaged fea, ada, as you well know." It was Elrohir's dark voice, heavy with irritation over his father's passive aggression.

"I will give you counsel, although reluctantly. You know my hesitance on such matters. But first you must tell me this and search your hearts with honesty. Why have you discarded this bond so quickly and with such eagerness? Do you not love her?"

Elladan said slowly, "We might love her, if we had nurtured our hearts and these feelings. But we have not. For we do not wish to be separated, nor end our current ways."

Glorfindel chuckled.

"Something funny, slayer?"

Elrond frowned. "You will behave in my house. I will have you not insult Lord Glorfindel!"

Glorfindel waved Elrond's irritations away with a flick of his hand, turning towards the twins. "You are wise to seek your father's counsel. It gladdens my heart. But you speak of denying love and of forced separation and of ending your violent path. But hear me, sons of Elrond, I fear it was she you should have sought out for counsel. For she is wise and might surprise you once you have found her again. She is not what you fear!"

Elladan turned to his father. "Do you agree with Lord Glorfindel, Ada? Should we seek her out and try to mend this bond?"

Elrond sighed. "I agree with Lord Glorfindel that you should approach this matter humbly. Do not fear her, for it is your own heart that gives you fear. I suspect the nature of this fear, but you have to find out for yourself if that fear is just or that love can take its place."

They fell silent. The only sound was the occasional popping from the hearth. Lost in thought they sat, as if in the eye of the storm, waiting for the inevitable.

Glorfindel broke the silence. "Let us dress for battle then, and hunt some orcs."

They all stood. Elrohir could not help but grin, a sly foxy grin that spoke of his pleasure in the pursuit of danger. Their father's visions soon forgotten, there was only Rin and the battle on their minds.

Almost through the door, the calm voice of Elrond stopped them while Glorfindel walked away, discreetly.

Elrond eyed his sons wearily and then, without words he embraced them together, holding them tight. His body trembling with emotion. And then after some hesitation, his sons returned the embrace while their father's voice whispered in their ears: "Namárië.."

Xxxxxxxxxxx

The night was calm but cold, the slight warmth of the sun that had built up during the day had fled towards the clear starry sky. Rin lay on her back next to a small fire, her back on a harsh make-shift bed of dry grass and leaves. With her mantle tightly around her, she stared upwards to the endless depth of the universe. Her thoughts drifted around in her head, following the regular rhythm of the small wisps of foggy breath that drifted upward towards the stars.

Her intimacy with Tessarion had warmed her body and soul and she felt more in tune with herself than she had in years. Allowing her emotions to simply exist towards Tessarion still surprised her, she had managed to avoid such feelings for years now. Could this bond be the cause of her easy surrender? Was it the partial connection of their souls that had made her embrace her emotions so easily? Her past fear of having a relationship, being bound to anybody did seemed more at the background of her mind. She felt strong in her mind and strong in her relationship with Tessarion. And she did not feel the urge to define it in any way. She had a choice to be free despite emotions. Caring for Tessarion could exist next to being herself, chasing her own goals. She felt liberated.

She forced her thoughts towards the path that lay before her. What would she do now? Returning to Rivendell seemed ludicrous. What would she be doing there all day? Practicing sword? With no purpose? No. The twins had opened Pandora's box for her and aimless training seemed like a thing from the past, empty and with no meaning. For the first time since the death of her family she longed for a purpose other than revenge.

The weight of this revelation pressed upon her while she stared up at the vast black expanse of night. It reminded her of her cycling trips on the island of Hokkaido in autumn. The trees exploded into brilliant colours of red, orange and yellow, filling the land with a warm light. But the best memories there, were of the night sky, lying in her warm sleeping bag, her body dead tired and painful, just staring at the deep universe. Smiling at her memories, she kept staring upwards. The blackness seemed too vast to comprehend and for a moment she felt insignificantly small, a small dot in the infinity of it all. And then another unfamiliar feeling washed over her while she still lay there motionless, staring upwards; she felt a strange sense of belonging. She was part of this world now, for better or for worse and she could have a purpose if she so chose it. And the possibilities seemed endless.

Making up her mind, she would go north. She would search Aragorn or his relatives and make sure one way or another that he would reach Rivendell save, or that the knowledge of this necessary step in history would be known to his ancestors. She might be centuries ahead for all she knew. Without her knowledge, Elrond's attention would not have been directed to the Dunedain. She did not believe in faith or destiny, but it seemed a strange coincidence that she was here now, at the start of this epic story of the ring of power.

Actively travelling north felt like changing her distance and involvement in the events around the ring. By hunting down the Dunedain on purpose, making sure Aragorn would arrive in Rivendell safely, she became willingly part of events that were larger than herself. It felt unnatural to her. She had been alone for years, minding her own business, not taking interest in others, not caring for friends, not caring for relatives, not caring for her body. Just training and waiting for that one day. The one day she would take revenge. Looking back she was shocked by the emptiness of it all. Even her intimacy with Hideo seemed just as empty, devoid of any emotion.

She suddenly wondered about the twins. Was this how they lived their lives since their mother's death? Was this the reason for them to not take responsibility for their actions, their realm, or for her heart? The more they felt, the harder they pushed her back it seemed. Thinking of them made her sad. They were lost to her now. Those beautiful brothers.

A sudden sound and she looked to her side, alerted. It was Tessarion, his mantle around him, walking softly towards her. He sat down next to her, his sword leaning against the inside of his right arm, while she was sitting up to look at him.

He smiled at her. "You cannot sleep?"

She smiled back. "Too much on my mind."

"Do you wish to share your thoughts?"

She sighed. "There is so much in my thoughts that I have trouble aligning all that is useful. I have been contemplating my next step and I feel that I should travel north. Since the twins do not take their responsibilities seriously, it is my intention to seek out the Dunedain, to find Aragorn."

He nodded, looking up at the sky, deep in thought. He felt surprise and pride at her words. For her to find purpose in events larger than her life, was not what he expected of her so soon. But she was mortal and did not possess the patience of the First Born. He smiled inwardly. She might be adverse to the thought of being changed or healed by him, but now it seemed that she was very capable of healing herself. He would refrain of telling her of course. He felt conflicted, his fea longed for her to stay for a while at his side. But she did not possess the long years that his kind were burdened with. He would not demand her precious time only to soothe his heart. She had no place on his side. He would have to let her go.

On impulse he leaned into her and kissed her softly. Her lips were soft and soon responding in kind. When he released her and pulled back, he said, "I will not give you counsel on your path of choice Rin, but I will tell you this: "Your aim is honorable. And I beg you to be careful on your journey there. The lands are not safe."

His expression became more serious when his thoughts travelled to the orcs that roamed the land in more and more numbers.

"You will not advise against it?"

Laughing at her, he said, "I care for you, Rin, but I believe you are free to do as you see fit."

She punched his shoulder with her fist, "You are so right!"

"It gladdens my heart to see you filled with purpose, mellon nin. I have no riders to spare, and I fear I am not at liberty to decide for an intervention here and now. So instead, let me accompany you for a few miles in the morning. There is a complex network of gorges and rivers, starting just a few miles from here and I wish to make sure you will not get lost."

Her heart felt lighter at his request. She did not look forward to the goodbye and was glad that it would be postponed if only for a little while. She nodded at him and squeezed his hand.

He stared at her with an indecipherable expression on his face. "You will be missed, mellon nin. In more ways than you know…"

She felt emotion choke her and turned her head from him, fumbling with her mantle.

"You should get some sleep."

Tessarion pushed her softly back on her makeshift bed and kissed her brow. Then he simply sat beside her, casting his eyes on the skies, his fea in mourning already, dreading the sunrise.

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*I thank you from my heart