Chapter 20: Whatever Feels Right

The fact that Gary eased himself into his chair as opposed to his usual habit of throwing himself into it told Nightfall that despite his claims otherwise, he still wasn't at 100%. She gave him a look that advised him to cut the crap and to his credit, Gary backed off toughing it out and let her serve him more coffee.

"So," she began, resuming her chair across the table from him, "I understand congratulations are in order."

He grimaced. "You mean the whole field marriage thing? You heard?"

"The whole ship heard."

"Ah. Yeah. About that . . . Seems it was as much a shock to Avocato as it was to me."

"I figured."

"So . . . what do you think?" he asked anxiously, running a hand through his hair. He gestured as he spoke, as if the situation was too complex to comprehend without his pantomime. "I mean, I love me some Cato, yeah, but . . . I also really have a lot of feelings for Quinn. Like, a lot a lot. Some are repeats for what I have for Avocato, but not all, and it's pretty crowded in here right now. I'm not sure where to go with all this."

She answered with care and from her heart, knowing he valued her opinion and trusted in her honesty regardless of how much it might hurt her to say it. "You know, you're capable of loving more than one person at the same time. Even love them passionately. Romantically."

He leaned forward, leaning on his hand. "I like what you do with words. Pour your sugar on me."

"You should be pouring for Avocato."

"Yeah, but . . . should I? Is that fair?"

"Why shouldn't you? You're one of the factors in the fairness equation, Gary. You've got just as much right to be happy as anyone else. And if Avocato and Quinn both make you happy . . . why not love them both?"

He squirmed, even though she had given him exactly what he wanted. "I guess I'm caught up in social constructs."

She reached across and laid her hand on his arm. "Gary, remember: the earth is gone. Humans are an endangered species. All the rules have been wiped out. You can do whatever you want. Whatever feels right for you."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Don't leave him alone tonight, Dad."

"So, what have I got to look forward to?"

"He gets nightmares when he's in this kind of mood – bad ones."

Little Cato's advice (or was it a warning?) rang in Gary's ears as he lay in Clarence's bunk, staring at the ceiling as he listened to Avocato's fitful tossing about. He'd ceded his own bed to the general without a fight, rightly guessing his friend was in for a bad night's sleep, and climbed into the upper bunk. Almost from the start, Clarence had insisted on sleeping up here, though Gary had suspected all along that Clarence was trying to compensate for his lack of height. If anyone in the universe had short man syndrome, it was Clarence Polkawitz. After they'd dumped Clarence on Darga Spaceport, Gary had found a weird and weirdly disturbing variety of items on, around, and under this mattress, most of which functions he couldn't begin to guess (and grossed out by a few functions that were obvious), nor did he want to try. After confirming with AVA that none of the items were infectious, ridiculously valuable, or dimensional keys in disguise, he'd dumped everything that had belonged to Clarence out the airlock with the trash.

Normally he'd have Mooncake as company for at least a few hours of the night. The little green blob slept because he liked to, not because he needed to, and he liked to share Gary's pillow best of all. Little Cato's pillow was almost as good as Gary's, and Gary knew that's where his little facehugger was right now. Since Avocato had recovered from his injuries, Mooncake had kept a bit of distance, sensing Gary's desire to get Avocato settled and safe and back where he belonged. The news that Gary and Avocato were suddenly married hadn't perturbed Mooncake in the least; he'd smiled and snuggled and had even given a very surprised Avocato a cooing cuddle.

For the safety of everyone involved, Avocato did not expect Nikos to contact him until his aide arrived at Zee Secundus' star system. He estimated it would take Nikos the better part of a day to receive, unscramble, and decode the message, and at least another half day to gain an audience with the Lord Commander, convince him Avocato really was alive, and get clearance to move the fleet out. A military aide with the rank of colonel and exclusively in the service of Avocato, Nikos was automatically afforded the rank and authority of second in command of any ship Avocato commanded, an arrangement that rankled many, especially since Nikos was an outstanding officer.

But with Avocato reported dead at the moment, Nikos' authority was severely limited. Given the jealousies among the generals ranked below Avocato, his aide-de-camp was in a very precarious position, Avocato had explained to Gary and Nightfall. All the generals would want to get their hands on Nikos to find out how much he knew of Avocato's intel and plans, but until the Lord Commander appointed a new second in command, no one would dare touch him for fear of offending whomever might be in charge next.

"But the Lord Commander will want to play them off one another for a while," Avocato had said. "He enjoys pitting his generals against each other and they're idiots enough to feed the drama. Nikos should be safe until there's a new second in command, and he's a lot sharper than anything that rose through the ranks in the Tera Con Empire."

That meant they had no idea of how long they'd be waiting here for Avocato's ride to come pick him up. Without being there himself to whip things into marching order, Avocato estimated a week. It was a testimony to how mentally and physically exhausted they all still were that no one really protested so much despite their underlying anxiety to get the dimensional keys and get back to saving Quinn. Of greater concern was how they were going to get back to their own time. In the meantime, Geegau Spaceport was quiet, entertaining, and provided everything they needed (and a few things they didn't), and since there was nothing they could do right now to get back to the task at hand, everyone at least pretended to relax. Or in Gary's case, poured himself into helping Avocato deal.

So here he was, listening to his best friend/husband/better half toss and turn in an uneasy sleep a story below. Could life get any weirder?

"Don't answer that," he whispered to the universe at large. He already knew the answer.

Gary grimaced a bit as Avocato muttered something in Ventrexian. He was getting increasingly agitated. Little Cato hadn't been kidding about the nightmares. He hadn't had a settled moment all night. Deciding it would be better to wake Avocato up and deal with a sleep-deprived zombie tomorrow versus letting Avocato's dreams terrorize him any further, Gary threw his covers aside and hopped down. In that instant, Avocato sat up with a savage hiss and a sharp cry, teeth and claws at the ready.

Instinctively, Gary jumped back out of swiping range, raising both hands as he said, "Avocato! Avocato, wake up. Dude, you're having a dream. Wake up. Cato, wake up. Shake it off, champ."

A gasp answered, followed by heavy breathing as if Avocato had run a marathon. There was a long moment as the general fought to collect himself and remember where he was. Chest still heaving, visibly shaken, he slowly turned and sat on the edge of the bunk, resting his head in his hands.

"You awake?" asked Gary softly, not about to venture closer until he was certain.

Avocato nodded, then swallowed before he could say, "Yes."

"Okay if I sit there with you?"

Another nod. Gary very cautiously settled in beside his friend, reveling in the heat Avocato put off and the faint, musky smell of his fur. God, he had missed that smell. He waited a while, letting Avocato scrape together some control before asking,

"Bad one?"

There was a long pause, then, "Are there good nightmares?"

"I guess not." He reached across the short distance between them. "I – oof!"

Abruptly Avocato's hand was thrust out, claws slightly bared as he held Gary at bay, deliberately looking away. It wasn't a strike so much as a barrier. The sharp nails pricked the fabric of his shirt, but when he looked down at his chest in surprise, Avocato had withdrawn them. Through the contact Gary could feel the Ventrexian quaking, and refusing to back down, he gently covered that hand with both of his, one warm, one cold, and said,

"Cato, just listen. Don't talk, just listen, okay?"

After a moment's hesitation, Avocato nodded.

"You've been through hell these past few days – correction, these past few years. You've never had a chance to deal with a lot of what's happened and been done to you. Well, here's your chance. Nobody here wants a piece of you. We don't see a general or a warlord. We see Little Cato's other dad and I see a better-dressed version of my best friend. Our only intent toward you is to keep you safe. Can you believe that?"

There came the faintest hint of agreement from Avocato. Close enough.

"You're a mess right now," he went on, and smiled at the little growl the insult generated. Reaching up, Gary silenced any reply with a finger over Avocato's mouth. "No talk. You're a mess," he repeated. "You know it and I know it, but that's totally okay, Cato. You're allowed to be a mess and react to all the crap that's been dumped on you. You're not a machine. You need to deal with this stuff. A year back, it was my turn. Now it's yours. It didn't matter to you then, and it doesn't matter to me now. You helped me, so let me help you. Okay?"

"I don't know how," snapped Avocato, as desperate as he was lost.

"Well, me either, so let's start small. When's the last time you slept the night through? Not including here on the Crimson Light."

Avocato thought. "When I was recovering from radiation poisoning on my way home from Tryvuul."

"That was almost three years ago!"

"Yes, it was."

"Wow. That sucks. Okay, so . . . what helps you to sleep?"

"Nothing, apparently."

"You know, amigo, you give stubborn a whole new meaning. I admire that. Listen, when Little Cato has nightmares, he'll come in here and get in bed with me -"

"He has nightmares?" demanded Avocato.

Unsurprised at his alarm, Gary gestured with his open palm, soothing the savage breast. "With all the crap that kid's endured, I'd be worried if he didn't. Anyway, we've worked out a system. He gets the warm spot on the bed and I give him a back rub while he tells me about the nightmare. I don't like to brag, but as a testimony to my back-rubbing skills, I've yet to hear one of them clean through to the end."

"A back rub?" Avocato asked in disbelief. A solution so simple to a problem this deep took him by surprise.

"I'm offering. He told me you used to do it all the time to him when he was little and couldn't sleep."

"Add it to the list," was the weary reply.

Gary gave him a playful leer, wiggling his fingers invitingly. "You got nothing to lose by trying, Cato. And shirt off. We're adults here."

A sigh of defeat came next. For want of a better suggestion, Avocato stripped off his shirt and lay down on the bunk again, wrapping his arms around a pillow.

"Relax, Avocato. You're so tense, I could bounce a quarter off your back. If you hate it, I'll stop."

But he knew that wouldn't be the case.

With slow, gentle strokes, Gary traced his fingers down Avocato's spine. Beneath his hands was soft fur and solid muscle, warm and smooth. He gently worked his fingers through the teal coat to massage away the knots of tension. Gradually he could feel some of the stress being worked out. Tight muscles eased. Avocato's breaths grew longer and deeper. Gary smiled and kept going.

"Tell me something about Little Cato," he softly requested. "How'd he get such a cute name?"

"It's tradition on Ventrexia that the first child is named after the sire," Avocato said slowly, his voice slightly muffled by fatigue and the pillow he clutched. "It can generate a lot of confusion one generation to the next. Purrsis didn't really want two Avocatos in her life, so we compromised."

"Little Cato?" he prompted, while beneath his hands those broad, stiff shoulders lost their tautness.

"My older brothers call me that. Called me that," he added sadly. "As a kit, I used to hate it until I grew taller than both of them. Purrsis picked it up from them while I was deployed."

"It's a good name. It suits both of you."

"I never liked it until she did. Now . . . I'm so glad we called him that. It makes me remember better times."

Gary paused, stricken, and then resumed the backrub. "Close your eyes," he directed softly. "Think of your kid. All the good stuff. I'll be right here. I won't leave you. Promise."

Believing him, Avocato obeyed. And when he woke the next day after a long, deep, and dreamless sleep, it was to find Gary stretched full-length beside him, fast asleep. It seemed to Avocato completely natural and right to have this man sharing his bed now, so quickly had he worked his way into Avocato's life, and it came as no surprise that he had kept his word.