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To Thrive and be Victorious

CHAPTER 14

I woke up after being unconscious for an unspecified period of time, but at that point, I wish I hadn't. I lost the will to live after witnessing everything that led to this moment.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a white ceiling. I could barely move as I still felt the lingering emotional and physical pain from the battle. Bandages were wrapped around my body, my shoulder for instance was covering the wound where I was shot at while my aura slowly rejuvenated my body. Scanning my surroundings, I found out that I was in a hospital room. I could hear how busy the place was even though I was behind closed doors because apparently, I was important enough to have my own room while everyone else got to be in a shared ward.

Beside my bed, there was a desk containing some of my important items such as my journals, my weapons, and my shield—or what was left of it anyway. There was also the stuffed rabbit Pyrrha won at the carnival. It reminded me how happy I was but it also reminded me of who I failed to save at that tower. I couldn't bear to look at it any longer because of that.

Weiss was sitting on a chair in the room. "Jaune?" she said after noticing me move my head. "You're awake…"

I was feeling too despondent to even speak so I could only respond by staring at her with half-lidded eyes. She took note of my lack of response and continued to speak after she moved closer to me. "I heard about what happened to Pyrrha." She glanced away from me for a second. "I'm sorry."

I felt guilty knowing how much she protected me throughout this year, and yet I couldn't protect her. It didn't have to end that way. I should be the one lying dead on that tower, not her. She would have accomplished more to this world than I'll ever do. I didn't deserve to be in this hospital bed, she should have let me die and been the one to be rescued.

That was when I remembered the last thing I heard before I fell unconscious. It made me worried enough that I was able to gather what strength I had to speak again. "Where's Ruby?"

"She's in another room, being treated with Blake and Yang. She doesn't seem to be that hurt but whatever happened to her, I think it would take a while for her to wake up," she answered.

Even though I found myself still worrying about her, I was relieved to an extent. "As for the others," Weiss continued, "Ren and Nora are waiting for you here in the hospital."

That led me to my next question. "What about Cinder Fall?"

She took a moment to give me a poignant stare before answering. "I… I don't know."

I huffed, shaking my head as I clench my fist and teeth in frustration over the implication that she could still be out there somewhere after all the atrocities she committed. "What happened to Beacon?" I asked, seeking more information.

Weiss looked down and sighed. "We... We had to leave it. There were too many Grimm for us to handle. I wish we could have saved it, but there was nothing we could do anymore."

I admittedly didn't feel anything particular hearing that, given how severe the outbreak was; my grief over Pyrrha's death had left me feeling numb. "How long was I out?"

"It's almost been a day I think," [1] she said, glancing at the room's window which had its blinds drawn. I could tell that it was night at the time. "It feels like it all happened a minute ago."

We sat in silence for a moment. I took a deep sigh and lay in the hospital bed, avoiding Weiss's gaze and waiting for Gods knew what. That was all I could do, stare at the ceiling, succumbed with guilt.

"I think I should leave you to yourself for now. I can tell you need some time alone." Weiss stood from her chair and walked toward the exit. As she reached the door, she paused and called my name. "Jaune..."

I turned to hear what she had to say, my expression remaining unchanged. Her voice filled with empathy. "Please don't blame yourself. All I know for certain is that this isn't your fault."

But that's all I could think about. I had risked myself, thinking it was time for me to be a real hero, only to feel helpless in the end. Cinder was supposed to stab me with my own sword, only for Pyrrha to jump in and take it. She saved me because I couldn't save her. And I couldn't help but blame myself for her death. There was nothing anyone could say to convince me otherwise.

"I hope you get well..." Weiss stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her.

I was alone for a few minutes, lamenting my undeserved survival before the door slowly creaked open and Ren and Nora entered the room. They were slightly bruised and both sported worried expressions. Even the usually bright Nora looked glum, making it clear that they were aware of what had happened and that it had affected them as much as it had affected me.

"Hey," she greeted, trying to force a smile that she would usually wear, only to frown again. I could only stare at them dispirited, feeling too dejected to greet them back. I couldn't even show how grateful I was to see the rest of the team alive and mostly well.

"We had nowhere else to go and we were worried about you," Ren stated. "We retrieved some of your belongings from Beacon. Sorry if there is something important we weren't able to recover. And don't worry, we haven't looked into your journal." He reassured me, maintaining straight eye contact, which was enough to convince me that he was telling the truth.

As much as I wanted to be grateful for them bringing it back, I couldn't see my sword the same way anymore, let alone hold it, so I didn't know what to think or say when they brought them back.

"Jaune…?" Nora sat on the chair and stared at me with concern in her turquoise eyes. "...Is there anything you need?"

"I'm fine, Nora," I muttered, feeling that I didn't deserve their sympathy. I believed they were better off spending their time doing something else other than being around me.

"You're obviously not," Ren firmly stepped in. "I know what you're feeling right now, Jaune, which is why we're here for you."

I groaned as I began losing my patience. Pyrrha wasn't the only thing I was upset about, he doesn't know how much I was going through. "Ren, I already said I'm fine."

But he remained adamant. "We're not leaving you like this. Let us help, we're your teammates, we're supposed to look out for each other in a time like this."

"I'll be alright, just please, leave me alone!" I raised my voice.

Ren shook his head. "You are not being honest with us. If you could just—"

I pretty much had it at that point and interrupted him. I didn't want their company and I didn't want to be comforted when I didn't deserve it. As much as I want to admire their loyalty and continuous support, they were sadly misguided for trying to help a wretch who has been manipulating them from the start. "You want me to be honest? Fine, I'll be honest, I am NOT the hero you see me as!" I yelled.

They both recoiled in shock as I continued. "I never tried to be a hero on purpose. Everything you thought about me was nothing more than lies! I let you believe them because you were all too stupid enough to think that I was anything more than the dumb coward that I have always been for my entire miserable existence. I only used you to get me through Beacon alive so I could keep pretending to be something I know I'm not! Saving Pyrrha on that tower was the only time I tried to be a hero for real but I couldn't do it! Pyrrha is dead because she couldn't have a partner who isn't a pathetic lying fraud!"

Finally, I was able to tell my teammates the truth, it was pitiful how it had to take my partner dying for me to do so. This could have ended differently and I could still have told them the truth, but that sadly isn't the case.

Despite my confession, Ren continued to insist that it wasn't my fault. "But even if that's true, whatever happened to her can't be your fault. You can't keep blaming yourself."

"Yes, it was!" I snapped in fury. "Want to know how she died? Cinder stabbed her with my sword when she wanted me! She's supposed to be the one breathing right now, not me! I loved her, Ren. I wanted to save her but I couldn't! I owe my life to her and now I can never repay it!" I yelled, the pain from my shoulder flaring up.

There was a pause as they tried to process everything I had just said before Ren apologized. "I'm sorry," he said, looking at the ground to avoid my gaze. "I'm sorry that we weren't there to help. Pyrrha was more than a friend to us as well."

"Ren, you have no one to blame but me." I grieved. There wasn't anything that could alleviate my feelings of guilt. "Now, please. I need to be alone."

"If that's what you want," he said, turning towards the door. "I'm sorry if we bothered you. I wish you well, and I mean it."

Ren began to walk out of the room, prompting Nora to stand up and follow him reluctantly but not before taking another moment to look at me with pity. "You're still my Fearless Leader…"

"I'm not a fearless leader, Nora. I never was." I muttered, unable to look back at her. "You can stop pretending that I am now."

She stayed there for another second before placing something on the table. "Either way, Pyrrha would want you to have this."

I had nothing more to say. I continued to avoid her gaze and just sat there, her presence was felt for a minute before I heard the door close and that I was alone once more. I never saw them again in the hospital after that and I don't blame them. [2] They deserved a better leader than me. They were people who I had deceived into believing I was a genuine friend and a good leader for an entire school year. I knew that if I cared, I would have to push them away. I had already lost someone important because of my inadequacy, and I didn't want it to happen again.

After another minute, I turned to the table to see what Nora left. It was a scroll—Pyrrha's scroll. The very same one she gave me before facing Cinder on the top of Beacon's tower.

I could only hold it for a few seconds before putting it back. I would have thrown it across the room out of blind rage because of how much it reminded me of that night. But since it's one of the only remaining things left from Pyrrha, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I looked at the other items that were recovered, focusing on the other remaining piece of my partner—the stuffed rabbit. I took it from the table, taking time to stare at it before hugging it as I sobbed. From now on, this was one of the closest things for me to feeling her presence and sensation again.

I shouldn't have taken her for granted.

=o=

1. Around sixteen hours if I recall correctly. The Fall of Beacon took place during the evening, and Jaune regained consciousness at midnight the following day.

2. A few accounts state that they actually remained in the hospital for a few more days but they were never able to contact Jaune afterward. They left Vale shortly after Ruby and Yang were transferred to Patch.

I was able to sleep because of my emotional burden, but at the same time, it felt like I couldn't. I kept thinking about what happened at the tower. I could recall every detail, from Cinder shooting an arrow at that girl on the pod to her almost slicing my own throat. No matter what I thought, I always saw myself lying there helpless, incapable of doing anything at all.

And this was only the first night that it haunted me.

Waking up in the morning, I learned that Weiss's father had taken her home and Blake had left abruptly not long after her wounds were healed. With what was happening to her teammates, I expected her to stay longer for their sake especially after hearing that her partner's arm was sliced off. I couldn't blame her though, I would have almost done the same thing like the spineless coward I was.

The destruction of Beacon Tower also resulted in the kingdom losing its link to the international CCT network. Backup towers were able to keep Vale's communications online, but the connection only contained what was within the kingdom's borders only. This meant that while the Valish public could only make texts and phone calls within a local range, things that relied on the kingdom's central CCT such as the holonet were currently inaccessible.

The TV in my hospital room was functional, but there were only two working channels provided by the backup CCTs. One was the VBC News Channel, showing reports and updates of the crisis, with some static and signal interference. The other channel was just a broadcast of the kingdom's emergency alert system, providing messages and instructions to the populace. Not much else to say about that.

Sometime after lunch, I heard someone knocking on the door. I refused to respond regardless of who it was, be it the doctor or the nurse, I was still too despondent to bother with anyone.

The door opened and I realized that the person who was knocking was none other than General Ironwood. "Arc..."

I could only frown at him as he stepped into the room. He looked at me with a sympathetic gaze. "I know what you are feeling right now and you have my condolences. But I have some questions that need to be answered regarding the incident at Beacon Tower."

I felt my heart pound faster, being aware that I was to be interrogated regarding what happened on Beacon. It meant I had to recall the occurrences of a recent event that was too painful for me to look back on and I could only feel unsettled.

He seemed to have noticed my discomfort and tried to empathize with me. "I understand that this is not an ideal time and that you are still recovering from such a traumatic event. But I cannot stay in Vale for long and I need answers directly from you while they are still a recent memory."

I remained silent, staring ahead toward nothingness, not knowing how to respond. Even if I could, I didn't want to. It was clear what his intention was for me and I wasn't willing to collaborate with someone who might have been involved with whatever plan Ozpin had that all led to this.

"Jaune." He called me by my first name, though I only saw it as another attempt to appeal to my emotions. "Please, this is extremely important. I want justice for Miss Nikos as much as you do. All I need is your cooperation."

Even when I got the will to speak again, I still didn't want to answer, I had too many questions of my own that I demanded to know. My mind was consumed with questions that I needed answers to. "Why?" I demanded, my voice rising with scorn. "Why her? What did you need from her to get her life thrown out like that?!"

The general let out a sigh, as if he had expected this reaction from me. "Let me explain. We knew this disaster was coming, and Pyrrha was our best candidate to counter it. I assure you, we did not wish for it to end this way either."

That wasn't enough, if anything it raised more questions, and telling me that they knew this was going to happen didn't make it any better. I was desperate to know why this all happened. "What is even going on?! What are you not telling me? What exactly did you plan to do with her? What did she die for?!"

"I will explain everything to you, but right now, I need you to trust me," the general replied, his patience visibly wearing thin.

My eyes narrowed as I remembered what Pyrrha had to do to sacrifice herself the way she did. "Whatever plan you had with her got her killed! Why should I trust you?!"

"Because we are the only ones capable of stopping Cinder Fall!" He yelled, abandoning his attempts at being conciliatory. I barely flinched and continued to glare at him as he continued to speak. "With Ozpin gone, I am currently in charge of his operation to stop a dangerous threat that seeks to destroy all of Remnant! Now, do you understand why I am in need of your cooperation?"

I continued to scowl at him. They had used Pyrrha as a means to an end, but the details of their plan remained vague. I wasn't giving them any answers until I knew what was exactly going on. The general looked discontented, frustrated by my lack of compliance.

The door suddenly opened and what came out caught both of us by surprise. "James." A familiar voice called out as a figure entered the room. It wasn't until a moment later that I recognized the individual as my own father.

"Dad?"

"Caiaphas?" The general's eyes widened as he turned to face the unexpected guest. "What are you doing here?"

Dad entered the room, dressed in his customary Huntsman attire of a charcoal black coat and peaked cap with the Arc family insignia prominently displayed on the front. [1] This apparel made him look like his authority was on par with the general's, if not greater. [2]

"When I heard about what happened at Beacon, I got here as soon as I could. It turns out to be far worse than I imagined." He answered before he looked and saw the sorrow and pain in my eyes yet again. "You need to let him go, James, he's been through enough."

General Ironwood wasn't having it. "Why should I listen to you? You're not a Commissar anymore, Caiaphas, nor are you working for us. You don't have any authority over me anymore."

"That may be the case, but he's here because of me. He is my responsibility," he responded firmly, answering in a tone that almost resembled that of a commissarial attitude.

"He's the only available witness on what occurred at Beacon Tower. Whatever information he has could help us recover from our loss," General Ironwood insisted.

"Look at him, James." Dad gestured at me in bed in a less-than-ideal condition. "Does he look like he could help you right now? He's broken. He needs some time to recover, both physically and emotionally, before we can count on him for anything."

"I've seen countless good men get hurt, so I understand what he is going through. But this is important. Beacon is overrun by Grimm and a hostile Maiden is unbound with more power than she had previously. This is not the time for us to take chances," Ironwood argued.

Dad looked at him straight in his eyes, never blinking. "If you want answers then leave him to me. Whatever it is, I'll handle it. I know him more than anyone else in the state he's in. I am the only one he could trust right now."

"But can I even trust you? Even if I let you take him, how can I be so sure that you won't withhold information from me once you're done?"

"I'm not going to let Salem win, James. Not after everything I did for Atlas and beyond." Dad asked him rhetorically. "I know what I'm doing. I did not give up my position to abandon Remnant, I did it for him. Because I believed in him. I know he can help us, but right now, he is just a distressed boy who is in need of a rest with the presence of his family members and I am here to provide for him that."

General Ironwood grumbled as he took a moment to think. He sighed once he relented my father's reasons. "You are always a stubborn one, Caiaphas, but you have yet to fail me. I'll take your word for it, and for your son's sake. Just remember that I expect answers soon enough."

Dad nodded at him. "I'll be sure you'll get what you're looking for. You have my word, old friend."

The general adjusted his tie. "I must go then." He took one last glance at me. "Take care now, Jaune. I apologize if I sounded unpleasant. This is difficult for me too." He said, calling me on a first-name basis while giving me a sympathetic look. "For what it's worth, all I know is that you did your best. I pray for your recovery."

He walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my father. "Dad..." I breathed out. He was the only person who had given me genuine comfort since I woke up on the bed.

"It's okay, Jaune. I'm here." He reassured, stepping closer toward me. "Listen, about what happened..."

"I don't want to talk about it." I woefully muttered. I had been thinking about the Fall too much and I needed to distance myself from it for the moment.

"Okay. I understand." He breathed softly, taking a moment for the dust to settle before speaking once more. "So, do you want to stay here or—?"

"Just get me out of here as soon as I'm done. There's no place for me here anymore." All I wanted was to forget about everything and return to being a nobody in Pucelle. It was the only place where I belonged and the only kind of life I deserved. I was done pretending to be a selfless Huntsman. This was something I should have done a long time ago.

He paused for a bit before deciding to take my request. "Alright then."

The hospital room was silent as I sat on the bed, recovering from my wounds. My dad sat by my side, keeping watch over me as I let my aura reserves heal my injuries. After a few hours, the doctor declared that I was fit to leave.

I gathered my belongings and left the room. Rose and Rouge were waiting for me just outside, standing up from their chairs as soon as they saw me walking out.

"Jaune!" Rouge exclaimed as they both rushed to hug me. Though their embrace was comforting, I couldn't shake the feeling of being broken. "Are you okay? What the hell happened up there?" Rouge asked after pulling away.

"Where's your team?" Rose asked, her tone more reserved. I couldn't bring myself to answer, and even if I could, I didn't want to tell them. It was better that they didn't know.

"Girls, girls," Dad intervened. "He's going through a lot right now. If there's something you want to ask him, save it for later. Right now, he needs some space."

Both My sisters looked at me with remorse. From that point on they were as speechless as I was as we made our way home. "Now come on," my dad continued as he led us out of the hospital. "The sooner we're out of Vale, the better."

We quietly left the building, managing to avoid civilian and media attention. Although Vale was mostly intact, the aftermath of the outbreak was visible when we drove through the city. The streets were under lockdown, almost void of civilians, and were mostly occupied with emergency and military personnel while everyone else presumably stayed in their homes or held in evacuation areas. Even the area around the airport had little traffic. A megaphone was heard around the city urging citizens to cooperate with the authorities and remain calm in order to stop the Grimm from being fed with further fear and other negative emotions.

We left Vale in a private Bullhead that Dad owned. It was a quiet flight, I never even felt my own motion sickness because I already felt terrible to begin with. I looked out the window, overlooking the troubled city of Vale and passing by the ruins of Beacon. I couldn't help but reminisce about the times I spent there this past year. I never wanted to be a Huntsman, and yet seeing the kingdom's capital in this state was disheartening after a year of staying there. I couldn't help but feel like I had just witnessed the end of an era, one that had to sadly end in tragedy.

After a couple of hours of flying, we finally arrived at Pucelle and landed near the Arc family manor. I was finally home. Mom and others were standing for us in front of the house, waiting for us with concerned looks on their faces. The first thing I did after leaving the bullhead was to hug my mom, tears streaming down my face. She held me close, offering the comfort and warmth she always gave when I needed it.

"We heard about what happened. I'm so sorry about Pyrrha," Mom said, her voice filled with sorrow.

I held onto her for a few more seconds before letting go. I grabbed the Crocea Mors and handed it back to Dad. "This belongs to you more than it does to me," I said, my voice barely above a whisper as I avoided anybody's gaze since I couldn't bear to look any of them in the eyes.

I also handed my mother the torn halves of the Désir Ardent. "I'm sorry it ended up like this," I sobbed. "I'm no protector. I'm nothing like you. Or any of you."

"Jaune..." Mom said remorsefully. I was still looking away so I didn't have to see the sorrowful look on her face.

"I'm going now," I said, retreating to the house without looking back. I went straight to locking myself in my own room so I could continue processing my feelings without having to hear everyone's misguided pity for me.

In a way, I finally got what I wanted, I was able to get home to have a peaceful life without any more worry about becoming a Huntsman. But this is not how I wanted it to end. I got too attached to my teammates that I started to believe that I could be something more than a fraud when that wasn't true at all. I will never get over knowing that I let down my partner because I thought I could be capable of saving her because she believed in me. It made me wish that she had never wasted her life on me.

I had gone too far, and after months of avoiding the consequences of my actions, I was finally paying the price. All that was left for me was nothing but regret.

Nothing.

=o=

1. The famous Arc Cap was presented to Commissar Caiaphas Arc as a token of appreciation by the pro-Atlesian government of Morosco, in recognition of his aid against separatists during the Moroscan Civil War. The peaked caps are one of the many symbols of Moroscan culture, and being gifted one is considered a great honor for foreigners.

2. Caiaphas Arc has become a model for commissars that Kingdom Commissariats have adopted his style of outfit as a uniform. However, Caiaphas Arc himself was not pleased with this development, as he was uncomfortable with commissars mimicking his appearance while rarely following the examples he had set.