A blonde, dirty gaijin little girl with coal-stained tears, a broken ceramic doll, and a frilly dress wandered off the streets of Yokohama in 1867, near the Kannai Foreign Settlement.
What would be known as the Boshin War (1868-1869) would start a year later.
She hid behind crates and blind corners lest the ultranationalist Choshu and Satsuma ronin engaged in a little "Sonno Joi" (Revere the Emperor, Expel the Barbarians) on her, expelling her like the "barbarian" that she was.
She didn't know why she was hiding. All she knew was that she should hide, and these people with narrow eyes and pale skin could harm her. Hurt her.
What was she doing here? Where was she? Was she being punished for something? Was this Hell?
A middle-aged man spotted her, and she scampered towards a dead end, clutching her doll tight. He spoke in a tongue she could not understand, his hand looming over her head.
She grabbed his hand and bit its fingers. She wouldn't go down without a fight.
Rurouni Yahiko
A Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction Continuation Story by Chester Castañeda
And now back to your regularly scheduled Sanbaka program.
Disclaimer: All characters used in this fanfic (save some others) are the rightful property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, Shueisha, Shonen Jump, Viz, Sony Studios, Fuji TV, Studio Gallup, Studio Deen, and ADV. This disclaimer also covers all the other copyrighted material that are far too many to mention here. Don't sue me please, I'm very poor.
Chapter 44: Goldilocks and the Three Stooges
During one moonless midnight of November 1884, at the Yokohama Pier...
In a blind corner, a dagger flew right into Lucas Grant's face, which he dodged then batted back to the person who threw it with his wrapped-up weapon.
The perpetrator caught the blade and retreated into the shadows. "Was that dagger poisoned or not? You should know by now that even a scratch means death."
"I don't have time for your games... CAIN!" Lucas charged, unfurling the cloth wrapped around his own sword... the one-and-one-half-handed blade Arondight (as opposed to one-handed or two-handed)... and unsheathing it to do an overhead chop.
This forced the stocky man to bring his two blades together to block the heavy bastard sword; one was a dagger, the other a cleanly sliced "former" longsword.
There was no way Lucas wouldn't want to meet up with the assassin who had actually made first contact with his most hated of families. His ex-family.
Grant grinned at the man whom he forced to reveal himself in the dim starlight. "So I've heard you've gone madder than a hatter or a nutter, ya lunatic."
"Hallo, Luke. You become a force of nature after growing up, I see." Cain Merrick snorted and smirked, "By the by, I'm no madder than you."
"I'm not the madman in some foreign country killing its whores, so no. I'm no nutter like you."
"These Chinamen should thank me for cleaning up their streets of tramps and filth."
With half-lidded eyes, the half-Japanese Lucas reminded. "They're Japanese, mate. Chinese and Japanese people are different."
Cain pushed Arondight away with what was left of his broken Durandal blade. "Same difference to me. Lighten up. Where's your risibility?"
Luke pointed at the cleaved longsword. "Did one of the Minakatas do that to your Durandal?"
Merrick felt his multi-stitch stomach wound flare underneath his shirt. It made a cross mark on the stitches done on him after the removal of his parasitic teratoma twin, Abelia, from his body.
The newest form of the Mark of Cain.
"Yes. I couldn't believe my eyes. A fragile samurai sword cutting through a longsword. It was ridiculous," said Cain.
"Around these parts, they call that technique zantetsuken," explained Lucas. "At supersonic speeds and with enough leverage, a katana can cleave through steel like an axe would wood, so what more bone and flesh?"
The younger Merrick opened his cloak and hid both his "daggers" in their respective sheathes. "Indeed. I'd watch out for that particular relative of yours if I were you. He lives up to the name and reputation of the Bahtowsai Group."
"Mate, it's 'Battousai'. Don't butcher the pronunciation, it makes me want to punch your face more than usual," corrected Grant, who rubbed his temples with his fingers and sighed. "And I don't consider the Minakatas as my relatives. They're all my targets... for the most important mission of my life."
"I see. The Minakatas. Their case is much like that of a loyal and faithful husband, and a light-heeled wanton of a wife, is it not?" said Cain, only to back away and unsheathe his poisoned blades after getting one bloodthirsty look from his companion.
"Or maybe not. I could be mistaken," the Gaikokujin Battousai amended.
A few days into December 1884, in the (lightly) snowing region of Hiroshima in wintertime, at the Hiroshima Station...
"ACHOOO!" the Temperature Allergic Gan sneezed while covering himself up with his muscular arms.
"Would you stop acting macho, you Ryukyu hick, and start putting on more layers of clothes already?" said Yahiko with a roll of his eyes. "You're still dressed like we're in Hakata or something."
The Underdressed Gan squeezed his sleeveless shirt (more like a coat with no undershirt) tight, forming "cleavage" with his pectorals, and harrumphed. "Like I'd waste money on clothes. What am I, a chick? There's food to be eaten here in Hiroshima!"
After the han (domain) system's abolishment in 1871, Hiroshima became the capital of the similarly named prefecture (Hiroshima Prefecture).
It also became a major urban center during this imperial period while the Japanese economy went from a rural way of life to urbanization.
During the rest of the 1870s, Hiroshima served as home to one of seven government-sponsored English language schools.
Furthermore, Ujina Harbor was developed in the 1880s thanks to the efforts of Sadaaki Senda, the Hiroshima Governor, which allowed the city to become an important Japanese port.
Ten years later after the Sanbaka's trip to Hiroshima, the Sanyo Railway would extend all the way into Hiroshima as well, in 1894.
In light of all that history, the Ravenous Gan paid homage to the rich heritage of Hiroshima by buying a Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki... the ex-samurai okonomiyaki vendor from Fukuoka, Enjiro Seibei, still fresh in his mind.
Like a starved tiger, the Masticating Gan mauled the innocent dish characterized by yakisoba noodles sprinkled with a generous amount of cabbage and housed in a thin layer of batter full of squid and oysters as well as okonomiyaki sauce.
"Mmmm! That hit the spot!" said the hooligan, rubbing his belly.
"You're going to pay for that, are you?" asked Yahiko.
"Er... Do you mind, Yoshi-boy?" the Grinning Gan grinned.
Myojin slapped Gan's nose then paid the okonomiyaki vendor. "I'm about this close to wiring all my money back to Tokyo so you'd stop mooching off me, ya stupid bum."
"You mean back to your giirlfriend?" said the Still Grinning Gan before Yahiko slammed his sheathed sakabatou into his mouth.
Chizuru Raikouji made a clucking sound with her tongue and wagged a finger at "Yoshi-boy". "You're too soft, Yahiko. Gan won't learn his lesson and take advantage of you forever if you don't set boundaries."
"Aw, come on, Kaori-neechan! I'm good with the money!" said Gan with cloudy, smoked-up eyes. Neither Yahiko nor Chizuru paid attention to him. "Hey. You guys don't trust me that much?"
"I guess. He just reminds me of someone I know from way back," Myojin confessed to Raikouji without even acknowledging the conk behind his head by Gan's fist.
Speaking of people who reminded him of other people he knew from way back, Yahiko's eyes soon alighted upon Munenori Minoe's back.
Even with "his" wig, eye patch, and shorter hair, from behind, the Tokyo Samurai Descendant couldn't help but be reminded of a certain redheaded, cross-scarred former hitokiri residing in the Kamiya Dojo.
Then Yahiko remembered seeing "him" naked back in a Hakata Public Bathhouse, under a different persona. A female one that matched her svelte form, petite breasts, thin waistline, wide hips, and supple skin.
"Hmmm? Yahiko-chi? What's the matter?" asked Minoe with a tilted head while the red-faced Myojin looked away and covered his bleeding nose with a handkerchief.
"N-Nothing." Yahiko cleared his throat, then bashed his own head with his sheathed reverse-edged sword after imagining Chizuru naked (which was the rough equivalent of imagining Kaoru Kamiya naked).
Minoe almost poked Chizuru's eye out after the latter hugged him from behind, his otherworldly senses kicking up a notch at what appeared to be a sneak attack. "EH? Ch-Ch-Chizuru-chi?"
"Minoe-chan and I are going shopping now to find some more appropriate dresses... I mean, outfits... than that garish purple frock he wears. You can go find a forest to build a tent there or something if you like, Yahiko. I don't care. Gan, try to stay out of debt this time," said Chizuru in one breath before any of what she said registered in the Sanbaka's minds.
"D-Dresses...?" said Munenori before turning towards his fellow Three Stooges in askance. "Y-Yahiko-chi! Gan-chi! What...?"
"Aren't you supposed to say, 'Mochiron' by now, Minoe-chan?" asked Chizuru.
"M-Mochiron... janai! (B-But of course... not!)" said Minoe.
"It's settled then! LET'S GO!"
"EEEEH!? I don't want to wear dresses, Chizuru-chi! I'm a guy...!"
"Sure thing! We'll be back before you know it, Gan! Yahiko! Toodaloo, my darlings!"
The Sweat-Dripping Gan and Myojin could only look on while Raikouji (literally) dragged Minoe away from the Hiroshima Station, their bags in tow.
"Well, that happened," said the Observant Gan.
Strolling around the Kannai foreign settlement in the Naka Ward of Yokohoma in late November 1884...
"I've been looking all over Yokohama for you, from your usual haunts in the red-light district to even the Yokohama Foreign General Cemetery. Even the police couldn't find you after you stopped murdering prostitutes," said Lucas.
Incidentally, Kannai (literally "Inside the Barrier") was the district in Yokohama surrounded by a moat that served as Japan's dumping ground for foreigners. Traders and merchants from outside Japan who had long-term investments in the country traded from there.
It was the District of Outsiders, in other words.
Many individuals crossed the moat, causing a number of problems and cultural faux pas (like the Namamugi Incident of 1862 wherein foreign merchants were attacked by Satsuma samurai that led to the Bombing of Kagoshima by the Royal Navy in 1863).
However, since the Meiji Restoration, gaijin had been able to go inside and outside the moat without incident.
Nowadays, it served as a non-Japanese citizen's safe haven of sorts, especially with the way the Japanese treated gaikokujin after years of Sakoku (literally "Chained Country", also known as Japan's Isolationism Policy) that cut them off from the rest of the world.
"The Japanese police? Bah," harrumphed Cain. "Those bow-legged coppers are too afraid of starting another Namamugi Incident to make a thorough search into foreign settlements. Besides, just as every Easterner looks the same to us, every Westerner looks the same to them."
"Of course. Us." The half-breed shook his head and sighed. "So where exactly have you been, Doctor Frankenstein?" Grant asked Merrick.
"I've been hanging around in the Negishi Foreign Cemetery, actually. It's perfect because it's still mostly empty." Build around 1880, the Negishi Foreign Cemetery wouldn't fill its grave plots up until 1902, a good two decades later.
"You're living in another cemetery? What are you, a vampire or a ghoul?"
"I've also been... a bit busy for the past few months," said Merrick.
"Are you making a corpse puppet like Gein would? You really are Doctor Frankenstein, aren't you?" queried Lucas further. The blond chuckled, but then his laughter died when he said, "Your father's been looking for you too, Cain."
"Are you talking about Seth?" Merrick eyed Lucas's every movement, and Grant stared back at return. ""Oh, stop it, Luke. He isn't my father. You know that claim isn't true. You know that's a lie."
"Are you sure you aren't just having some family issues with the old man?" asked Lucas with a shrug. "I mean, I know I'm throwing rocks from inside a glass house here, but..."
Cain waved Luke off. "Nonsense. I'm not mad at the Faceless or anything. I give him cogitations, not the other way around."
"He heard how you almost killed and ate Abelia, though. I wouldn't suggest visiting him right now." Luke laughed at that last one. "What were you thinking, mate? Seriously? Should I call you Hannibal the Cannibal from now on?"
The raven-haired, medium-built (for European standards; in Japan, he was taller than average) man shook his head, a wan smile on his face.
"I reckon I can understand why he'd see the red mist after hearing about that. But with all due respect to Seth, he shouldn't care. Neither of us are his children. It's not his place to be angry."
The tall gaijin men had the smaller Japanese "midgets" occupying Kannai steer clear of them left and right by the way they towered over every one of them. Even the drunks knew better than to mess with the two foreign giants.
"I don't really care, just as long as I can make use of your psychotic tendencies to my advantage," confessed the blond, blue-eyed Eurasian with a raised eyebrow. "You're capable of killing more than just whores and little girls, aren't you?"
With a glint in his eyes that matched the glint of his daggers, Merrick said, "Try me."
Before the two parted ways (because Cain wasn't prepared to face his not-father, Seth, yet after almost murdering his sibling in typical biblical fashion), the Gaijin Battousai said, "Oh, by the way, Luke..."
"What is it, Cain?"
"I never thought the moment that a person breaks would be so beautiful."
"..."
Back in the mildly cold Hiroshima, on December 1884...
"Every time I see a bald man with a long beard, I imagine his head upside down to see what the beard would look like as his head of hair instead. Is it just me, Yoshi-boy?"
"...It's just you, Gan."
Yahiko and Gan wandered... actually, Yahiko jogged, and Gan followed suit, much to the younger man's chagrin... across the Hiroshima countryside, in the more rural parts of the urbanized city, while carrying their (hidden) weapons and bags.
They were dressed warmer this time around in light of the change in weather. Even in the 1880s, the transition from rural to urban left a schism between old Hiroshima and new Hiroshima.
Like traveling through the annals of history, one could walk from one time period of Hiroshima to another, from the Sengoku Period to the Imperial Period, each old and new building a stone's throw away from each other.
"So are you going to build another tent?" asked Gan, and he couldn't contain his laughter after the Son of Tokyo Samurai put a hand on his chin and scratched it. "Seriously? You're considering it? Even here? In wintertime?"
"Lay off. I need to do more training," said Yahiko, fulfilling his first of three 10 kilometer runs for today. "Besides, you're slowing me down. Go be fat somewhere else."
"Pfrfbrt," the Smirking Gan raspberried Myojin, spraying saliva all over the place. "I may not be as fast as you, but I tire longer than you."
Yahiko grumbled but said nothing else. Around the time the Sword Breaker got his second wind and started outrunning the ruffian, Gan asked, "Since you got a good look, how big were Chizuru-neechan's breasts?"
The resulting spit-take from Yahiko allowed the Soba King to not only catch up, but take the lead of their "race". "HEY!"
"You haven't answered my question!" said the Cheating Gan.
"How should I know, you pervert?" retorted Yahiko.
"Were they the size of kumquats, oranges, melons, or watermelons?" surmised the gangster-looking, bandanna-wearing man. "I'm betting her size is somewhere between an orange and a melon. Or a really big meat bun."
"STOP THINKING ABOUT FOOD AND WOMEN'S BODY PARTS IN THE SAME SENTENCE, YOU PERV!" Yahiko raged and caught up with the chuckling thug.
The Meat Bun Emperor smiled big enough to show both rows of his teeth. "You really are a virgin, aren't you?"
"Implying you're not! You confessed you got dumped by Weasel Girl!"
"True, but I never said I was a virgin before that!" the Winking Gan winked. "If your girlfriend really does exist, I'm sorry that she's missing out."
"..."
On the five kilometer mark (more or less, they only estimated the distance of their run), they turned around and returned to their starting point, working up a light sweat despite the cold weather.
"For a rich girl, Kaori-neechan sure doesn't act like one of those stuck-up, spoiled-rotten snobs from Tokyo... no offense... who has their heads up their asses," brought up Gan again to the Tokyoite. "She's stingy, she's not wasteful with money... all things considered... and she can survive anywhere. Like a businesswoman!"
"Sure, I guess? I can't say, but maybe it's the influence of Old Man Raikouji. She mentioned her grandpa's overprotective, so she probably learned to take care of herself to get him off her back," said Yahiko in between pants. "You're talking about Chizuru again? Do you have a crush on her or something?"
"Eh. Why not? I like feisty women!" the Food Emperor admitted. "Neechan is one of the most un-Japanese women I've ever met! Like the complete opposite of a Yamato Nadeshiko (the personification of an idealized Japanese woman)! She's almost like a foreigner with the way she acts!"
Considering that Gan had gone after (and was dumped by) Misao "Weasel Girl" Makimachi, of course he'd know all about feisty women.
"Like a gaijin, huh? Well, the Raikouji Family Business is all about foreign trade, and she does wear those westerner boots when traveling, so..."
"What about you? Do you like women, Yoshi-boy? Or do you like Patches more?" asked the Leering Gan. "Are you going to dump your 'girlfriend' for him? Then have one of those gay romances back in the Edo Era?"
Yahiko attempted to blindside the Bigmouthed Gan with his sakabatou again, but the hooligan merely batted it away, the teen already weakened by the jog. 'Dammit.'
By the time they got back to the Hiroshima Station, a new set of passengers had already gotten off. "I hate you so much," said Yahiko to the Insufferable Gan, who crossed the imaginary finish line first while blowing kisses at the teen.
Gan then bumped into something soft, blonde, and peach-skinned by accident, a sweet and flowery scent wafting to his flaring nostrils.
"OOOF!"
"Oopsie daisy!"
"Gan, you moron! Watch where you're going!" admonished Yahiko before he knelt down and helped up a tall, blonde, and green-eyed foreigner beauty wearing a traditional kimono (in a city that had begun the trend of mixing hakama with western hats and cloaks or pants with haori) after she fell down.
"Um, are you all right?" he asked. Actually, he said, "Anoo, daijobu desu ka?" before shutting his mouth and forming a thin line with his pressed lips, realizing his mistake.
Even after the homeschooling he received from Kaoru as he grew up, he never knew how to speak any foreign languages. The only gaijin he chanced upon was some man Kenshin bumped into one time that called him (Himura) a "samurai boy".
Just the teenager's luck, the girl smiled and told him something that was definitely not Japanese. His mind racing for the right response, he ended up blurting out the only English sentence he knew.
"D-Disu isu a pen!"
This made the girl giggle, at least. Meanwhile, the Remorseful Gan himself bowed down repeatedly to apologize to the foreigner lady. However, after he raised his tilted head, his eyes looking up beneath his bushy eyebrows, he saw something that made him blurt out one of the few English words he knew as well.
"M-M-MELON!"
"Melon...?" said Yahiko before he saw what Gan was staring at. Turning his eyes away quickly, Yahiko slapped the ruffian's right cheek hard.
At a nearby Hiroshima Noodle Shop...
"Sumimasen deshita! (I'm so sorry!)" said the blonde whom Gan bumped into the train station, clasping her hands together and apologizing in a more traditional, "Japanesey" fashion than either two of the Sanbaka expected, their jaws all over the floor.
She even apologized in Japanese!
"What the hell is going on here, Yoshi-boy?" hissed the Perplexed Gan while wolfing down the Hiroshima-style Tsukemen (cold noodles dipped in a spicy, red pepper sauce) that the lady offered as a token of apology to them.
A Yamato Nadeshiko gaijin was the last thing either two of the Three Stooges expected at the train station.
The idea of a foreign beauty personifying a proper lady, loving wife, and wise mother... confused them. Like how a bearded lady or a platypus would.
Maybe there was a Westerner equivalent of the Japanese ideal they didn't know about? Yeah, that made sense.
Yahiko bowed back. "I'm so glad you can speak Nihongo, I didn't know what to do back there for a minute! It was so embarrassing!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding!" She bowed even lower. "I forgot myself. I should've shown I understood Japanese right away!"
"She's kinda cute, but she's also freaking me out a bit. Her Japanese doesn't even have a weird accent on it! What is this witchcraft?" added Gan.
"Don't be rude! Don't bite the hand that's feeding you!" whispered Yahiko back without taking his eyes off the... American? German? British? Dutch? French? Russian? At any rate, the blonde woman's face.
Especially since if his eyes went downward to the huge bumps on her tight kimono, he'd probably end up staring. Even in the red-light district (he'd been there, since he was a yakuza gopher pickpocket and all), he'd never seen such... melons quite like those on any of the women in Japan.
It sure was a big world out there.
An unbidden thought occurred to Yahiko. By the Lecherous Gan's fruit-to-breast-size comparisons, Tsubame Sanjo was probably the size of a... kumquat.
Upon seeing an imaginary naked Tsubame tear up in front of him for even thinking such a thought, Yahiko ended up banging his head repeatedly on the edge of the table while apologizing (to Miss Sanjo).
"Th-There's no need to apologize! I should be the one to apologize!" the confused foreigner woman bowed her head low, but not to the point of banging it on the table like Myojin did (because that would be stupid).
After Yahiko himself wore a kerchief bandanna to cover up the bleeding bump on his forehead, he said, "Again, thanks for the meal, but we insist on paying for it," while stomping on Gan's foot.
The Cheap Gan shrugged and stomped Myojin's foot back. "I don't have money left, Yoshi-boy, so I'm not going to pay for my share anyway. Let the nice lady pay for it already."
The lady could only laugh in response.
"I'm surprised there are still gaijin around ever since the Kanagawa Incident. So much has happened since then, right?" whispered Gan.
"Really? But didn't we lose after the British bombed us?" Yahiko scratched his head.
The boy had heard of the Kanagawa Incident (also known as the Namamugi Incident), which led to the Bombardment of Kagoshima. However, it happened years before he was even born.
"Gaijin getting killed is still a huge scare for the Japanese gaijin community. You'd think fewer gaijin would end up here in Japan because of the merchant murders. Yet here we are in Hiroshima, talking to one," said Gan.
"...Oh. We almost forgot!" Yahiko slammed his fist on an open palm. He asked the twenty-something busty girl, "Excuse us, but what's your name?"
"Oh my word! That's right! Excuse me! I forgot to introduce myself!" said the green-eyed blonde.
"Well, I'm Myojin Yahiko," said Yahiko while pointing a thumb at himself. He then covered Gan's mouth before he gave his long-winded introduction spiel about being a Soba King and whatnot, saying, "And this is Gan."
"Nice to meet you both! My name is... Satsuki," the blondest, pinkest, most voluptuous Satsuki the two had ever met introduced herself.
Huh.
"A-Are you half...?" asked Yahiko, and Gan smacked him upside the head, berating, "Holy shit, Yoshi-boy! You don't just ask people if they're half!"
"Oh, it's fine," Satsuki reassured Gan. "No, I'm not half."
"Oh, I can see that," said Yahiko while he and Gan both wiped the sweat off their respective foreheads (Myojin's forehead still stinging a bit from the bump it got).
"I'm whole Japanese," said Brooks with a grin while pointing to herself.
And two of the three "Baka" ended up at a loss for words, Yahiko's bandanna bandage slipping off his lumpy head.
An hour later...
"She's a reverse Kaori-neechan, Yoshi-boy," was the conclusion the Sagely Gan came up with after Satsuki went to the counter to pay for their meal (Yahiko already paid for his share).
"Lower your voice! She can understand Japanese!" said Myojin before adding, "What are you talking about? What does your crush have to do with the nice, blonde, and... deluded lady?"
"Neechan isn't my crush, I simply said she's my type," waved off the Promiscuous Gan. "Anyway, that's not the point! Miss Melon over there is the gaijin equivalent of Kaori!"
"Don't call her that! That's the worst nickname you've ever come up with, and that's saying a lot!" whispered back Yahiko. "Also, what do you mean?"
"Think about it! Kaori-neechan has the typical brash, clueless, rude, and bossy attitude you'd expect from a foreigner who doesn't know the intricacies of our culture! She also has trouble reading the mood from time to time. Who knows? Maybe she's the one who's half!"
Myojin blinked and nodded. The idiot had a point. Chizuru was all those things and more.
"Meanwhile, Melon-neechan here is everything Kaori-neechan isn't. She's kind, generous, forgiving, demure, polite, and kind-of motherly. And I'm not just talking about her motherly bazongas!"
Yahiko slapped Gan on his unslapped cheek.
"Thanks. I needed that, Yoshi-boy."
"You're welcome, Gan. Now continue."
"Anyway, Miss Melon is a gaijin that's more of a Yamato Nadeshiko than Kaori, while in turn, Miss Kaori is a Japanese lady that acts more like Commodore Perry's wife who ordered him to open up the ports to the rest of the world than someone you'd describe as ladylike! Get it?"
"Wait, Commodore Perry's wife never... Ugh. Whatever. I get it," said Yahiko, only for him and Gan to hear someone clap their hands from behind them.
"Really? You really think I embody Yamato Nadeshiko? Ureshi! (I'm so happy!)" said the blonde girl. "Oops. Oh my. That didn't sound very Yamato Nadeshiko of me at all. I apologize."
"N-No, y-you're all good," reassured Myojin. "Trust me."
Outside the noodle restaurant...
"Hey ya'll, isn't that Brooks-sensei?" asked a young kid wearing a western cap and traditional Japanese clothes. He was only about four to five years Yahiko's junior (by his looks, anyway).
"My heavenly days! It is! It's Miss Brooks! Hello, Miss Brooks! How are you?" said another young man around twelve to thirteen years of age in typical Hiroshima fashion.
Several boys of around the same age range as those other boys who spoke up gathered around the blonde. There were six of them.
"Oh my goodness!" said the smiling Miss Satsuki... Brooks to the young boys in front of her, confirming her very half-foreigner, half-Japanese name.
"S-Satsuki...?" Yahiko began.
"...B-Burukusu?" Gan ended for Myojin.
"Er, isn't that the wrong name order in Japan? Shouldn't it be family name first, given name second? It's Brooks Satsuki, by the way. Family name, Brooks. Given name, Satsuki," said Satsuki Brooks.
What an unusual name for a full-blooded blonde, pinkish-white-skinned, green-eyed, wide-eyed, and tall "Japanese" woman to have in this sea of dark-haired and brown-haired, pale-white-skinned, narrow-eyed, eyelid-less individuals.
Or maybe not, come to think of it.
"Um, these are my students! Jiro-kun, Tatsu-kun, Yuuki-kun, Koyomi-kun, Goro-kun, Daisuke-kun, and Hiro-kun. I'm their substitute English teacher at Hiroshima Middle School. Everyone, this is Yahiko-kun and Gan... san. I bumped into them at the train station!"
"W-What's with that pause? And why aren't I a 'kun' but instead a 'san'?" commented the Pouting Gan, but everyone else ignored him.
Miss... Brooks (probably her real name) introduced everyone to two of the Sanbaka, which resulted in an exchange of bows (that "Satsuki" overcompensated with through excessive bowing in typical foreigner fashion).
Afterwards, "Satsuki" Brooks began chatting it up with her students in English, leaving the two of Three Stooges standing there, unable to get a(n English) word in edgewise.
"Eeeeeeh," chorused the Morose Gan and Yahiko. This made Satsuki look over their direction and giggle for some reason.
"Brooks-sensei, don't call us by our Japanese names! Call us by the English names given to us in class instead!" Daisuke encouraged Brooks (in Japanese, to two of the Sanbaka's relief).
A smirking Jiro also added, "You do remember our English names... Right, Miss Brooks?"
Satsuki smiled and said, "Of course, I do! You're John-kun, he's Tate-kun, that's Eugene-kun, Kyle-kun, George-kun, Dale-kun, and Heath-kun!" to Jiro, Tatsu, Yuuki, Koyomi, Goro, Daisuke, and Hiro.
Daisuke laughed. "Hot diggety, you remembered, Teach!" Then the six boys proceeded to talk to Satsuki in English again, leaving the Three (or Two) Stooges hopelessly lost in the conversation.
Yahiko turned towards Gan, whispering, "See? Maybe the 'Satsuki' thing is just her trying to fit in with all her students. She even got her own Japanese name because they got English names. It's no big deal."
"Yeah, I guess, Yoshi-boy. But still, she says she's whole Japanese, so..." replied the Shrugging Gan with... raised shoulders.
"...So?"
"She's kinda weird, don'cha think?" said the unaware, bandanna-wearing, self-proclaimed Soba King who, during all the time Yahiko knew him, revealed himself to be a food bandit, a cock fighter, a hoodlum, a gambler, and a possible pirate candidate.
The irony made Myojin to look away, shake his head, and sigh.
"Jiiiiii..." said Miss Brooks along with her students as they stared at the murmuring Sanbaka, which in turn made Gan and Yahiko sweatier than usual, reacting to the intensity of their glares.
"Y-Yes?" Myojin probed.
Satsuki chuckled, stating, "Isn't it fascinating how in Japanese, even staring intensely has sound effects? Or the fact that there's a sound effect for clapping! We don't have that kind of onomatopoeia in English!"
"Haha. Is that so? Omoshiroi (Interesting)," said Yahiko with furrowed eyebrows, a moist brow, and a wavering smile. 'What the hell is onomatopoeia?' he thought.
"Oniisan-tachi (Big bros), we wanted to know what your English names are!" "John" and the others grinned while tilting their heads and cupping their ears at the pair.
"Right on. That dog will hunt," remarked Goro (or George).
"Etoooo... (Uuumm...)" came Myojin and the Great Gan's duet.
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! That was fun! We'll see you in school soon, Miss Brooks!" Daisuke said while he and the rest of his classmates and friends made their leave, laughing all the way.
"I hope you enroll in our classes down yonder too, Joshua-oniisan! Galileo-oniisan!" said the cheeky Koyomi while the rest of the boys laughed it up.
"Nice going, 'Joshua'," said a red-faced Gan after the impromptu, on-the-street English lessons they had with "Brooks-sensei" and her students. "At least we know who to call when pointing out what's a pen or not."
"Shut up, 'Galileo'," returned a similarly flushed Yahiko. "At least I know more English words than you that's not food-related! And don't teach schoolboys worthless things."
"I don't know what you're talking about! What worthless things?" asked the Whistling Gan.
From the distance, they could hear the schoolboys discuss something about kumquats, oranges, melons, or watermelons... "for some reason". Many of them agreed they knew more people who had "kumquats" than "melons", though. Except for one particular substitute teacher.
"I'm so sorry! Those kids were only teasing," said Miss Melon, er, Brooks after she bounced... arrived into the Sanbaka's view. "You two did great for people who never had English lessons before!"
"Oh, don't worry about us! Boys will be boys," Yahiko said, his eyes staring straight into Satsuki's eyes, his neck as stiff as a board, while he shin-kicked Gan for looking anywhere else other than the bouncy blonde's face.
"I've had a wonderful time during our little lunch date," said Brooks, who batted her eyelashes that made her shining jade eyes seem to sparkle. "I have to go now too. I hope to see you again! Ja na! (See ya!)"
"Us too. Goodbye!" said Yahiko. "It'd be cuter if you said, 'Ja ne!' instead. 'Ja na!' is the more masculine way of saying it, Teach," the boy couldn't help but take note of in return of being taught English by the English teacher.
Like the fact that, in English, the subject came first before the predicate instead of the other way around.
"Oh, thank you! I didn't know that! I was only imitating my students when they say their informal goodbyes! Well, Johnny!" mispronounced the bubbly blonde.
"Yeah! Abayo! (Goodbye!)" echoed Gan.
Their goodbyes ended up way longer than they thought.
"YAHIKO-CHI! GAN-CHI!"
"MINOE?/PATCHES?" said Myojin and Gan respectively after turning around in time to see, well... Wow. Okay.
...A tearful Munenori running towards them in a Victorian Era puffy Western-style blue dress (his purple-black wig and eye patch still in place, which made him look like a pirate's daughter) while holding his flowing outfit's skirt up in order to allow himself to run.
"!?" was the only appropriate reaction two of the Sanbaka had to deliver to their third member.
Yahiko gulped and froze when the... overdressed Minoe trained his sights on him, his moist one eye sparkling in the afternoon winter sun while small snowflakes fell.
"Y-Yahiko-chi! I'm so glad I found you! Chizuru-chi made me strip off all my clothes and had me change into this dress at some dress shop, and I had to get away from her before I can retrieve my outfit! She even made me wear a corset! A CORSET! It was horrible!"
"I don't know what a corset is," said Yahiko.
While the crossdressing (kind of) Minoe fell into the waiting arms of Yahiko, the Pervy Gan grabbed hold of his nose to stop it from bleeding.
"Good heavens," squealed(?) the gaijin Satsuki, "What a comely, handsome woman! Is she your wife or your mistress?" Incidentally, "comely" and "handsome" meant something different in 19th Century English.
Since Satsuki said the sentence about comely handsomeness in English, none of the Sanbaka understood it. The following sentence was in Japanese, though.
"SH-SHE'S NOT MY... M-MISTRESS!" blurted out Yahiko before correcting himself, saying, "He's not my mistress," while at the same time, Minoe protested, "N-No! T-That's forbidden love! Because I'm a...!"
"Oh, so it's forbidden love? Like Romeo and Juliet?" Brooks nodded sagely and both shouted, "YOU'RE MISUNDERSTANDING SOMETHING!" and "Who the hell is Romeo and Juliet?"
"Yahiko-chi, w-Who is this pink woman with corncob hair and... and..." The former Togakudan took one look at the blonde's chest before covering his own chest by subconscious reflex. By embracing Yahiko tighter.
"Er..." Suffering from over-stimulation, Myojin could only stutter, forgetting to release his hold on the smaller, softer Munenori.
"Are you sure you're not boyfriend and girlfriend? You seem awfully... close," pointed out Satsuki, which finally prompted the pair to separate, blushing all the while.
"...So yeah. Minoe, this is... Satsuki. Satsuki Brooks. Or Brooks Satsuki. Something like that. Satsuki, this is Minoe. Minoe Munenori," Yahiko introduced the two. They bowed to each other in acknowledgement.
The Attention-Seeking Gan interjected on behalf of his fellow Sanbaka, "Maybe their 'relationship' might have been more open a few decades ago, but it's currently the Meiji Era, we're in Hiroshima, and gay couples are kind of... well, more secretive nowadays."
Satsuki blinked her wide green eyes repeatedly at the hooligan while brushing her golden locks back. "Beg pardon?"
"W-ell, it's not the Tokugawa Era any longer, and they're not engaging in same-sex military love," the Glib Gan replied to the "Kuuki Yomenai" (clueless; literally, "can't read the atmosphere") Miss Brooks. "Also, I don't think they're gay for each other."
"Waaait. Same-sex military love? What? B-But that's a boy and a girl," said Satsuki. She pointed at Yahiko and said, "Boy," then pointed at Minoe and said, "Girl." She then looked at Gan in askance. "Right?"
"No, no, no! You have it all wrong!" reassured Gan before he went behind the tomato-red Minoe and placed his hands on his (Munenori's) shoulder. "Patches is not a girl, he's a boy! His chest isn't even in kumquat range! Here, let me show you...!"
Multiple things happened at this point.
Before the actually Kuuki Yomenai Gan pulled down Minoe's dress to reveal his bodice, corset, and smaller-than-kumquat chest, the ninja wannabe disappeared from the hooligan's midst.
"HENTAI!"
Meanwhile, realizing Gan's undressing plans, Yahiko did his tried-and-true "Wrath of the End of the Era" testicular flying kick.
Gan crumpled down afterwards, although Myojin wondered if it was because of the pain or because the thug was humoring them, his mind flashing back to the war of attrition between Shogo Amakusa and the Great Gan in Shinshu.
It took Shogo drugs and trickery to best the lummox.
"UWAAAA..." said Satsuki, "You're a boy? I'm terribly sorry then, Miss... ter? Mister. I've seen quite a lot of boys that could pass as girls here in Japan, that I forgot myself! That was awful rude of me!"
"...Uwaaa?" repeated Minoe. "This is the first time I've heard a foreigner say something like that. Usually, it's 'Oh my!' or 'My word,'" said the eye-patched midget, remembering his exposure to traders and monks in his past travels with his eccentric master.
"Well, that's because I am Japanese!" said Miss Brooks while pointing at herself and her sunshiny smile. "But you're correct, ma'am! I mean, sir! 'Uwaaa' is something that only the Japanese say! I've never heard a self-respecting Englishman or Englishwoman say that."
With half-lidded eyes, Yahiko thought, 'Well, you should know, since you were saying 'Oh my word!' just earlier, Satsuki.'
He then saw the eye-patched, wigged, androgynous, crossdressing (again, kind of), wannabe "ninja" turned "spy", turned "swordsman", turned potential pirate candidate (like Gan) look at him and ask, "Where do you keep finding these weirdos, Yahiko-chi?"
'That's what I'd like to know,' thought Myojin with a pulsating vein on the side of his head.
After everything was sorted out while the English teacher walked around with a teenage samurai, a food bandit, and a turncoat double agent for Hidden Christian rebels...
"So let me get this straight. Minoe-chan is a he," began Satsuki, and Yahiko couldn't meet her eyes while both Munenori and Gan nodded, "and you're also a he, right? Yahiko-kun?"
"...That was never in question!" protested Myojin.
"Oh. Right. So you two are not together?" asked Miss Brooks.
"NO!" chorused Mister Myojin and Mister Minoe.
"Tch," said the English teacher, who shook her head and bit her thumbnail. Meanwhile, both Yahiko and Minoe turned blue. "And you two looked so cute together too," she murmured.
"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"
"Oh, nothing! Just thinking aloud!" said the smiling Satsuki. She added, "Are you sure you people aren't from the circus or something?" the gaijin-in-denial asked the old-timey samurai kid, the strongman, and the eye-patch-wearing androgynous midget in a dress and a wig.
"..." the Three Stooges said (or not said) as one, their collective intense stares might as well bore holes into the teacher while having the "Jiiii" sound effect.
"Just kidding! Tee-hee!" said a winking Brooks, her tongue firmly in cheek, but she then formally apologized with a bow when they merely kept looking at her.
"Kuuki yomenai, Melon-sensei," said the Unironic Gan, and the blinking Satsuki repeated, "Cookie? Melon? What...?"
"...Now I know how we probably look to foreigners when we wear western clothes and act more like them," said Minoe to Yahiko after taking another baleful look at Satsuki's filled-out kimono before hugging himself in his puffy dress.
"Seriously though, what was Chizuru thinking? Putting you in that... dress," said Yahiko. He almost added, 'It's a good thing she didn't take off that wig and eye patch,' but he caught himself.
"It doesn't look good on me?" asked Minoe with expectant eyes (or eye, whatever).
"Well, I didn't say that..." trailed off Yahiko, his hand on the back of his head.
"Jiiiii..." both Gan and Satsuki hummed this time around while staring holes into the not-couple Myojin and Munenori. This had the two of the Three Stooges jump away from each other in a snap.
Miss Brooks chortled once again. "You remind me of a person I know, Minoe-chan. She's also a shy, adorable wallflower."
With an eyebrow raised at hearing the "chan" honorific after his name, "Mister" Munenori remarked, "Mochiron, I could say the same thing about you, Satsuki-chi. You also remind me of a certain someone."
"Speaking of which, did you really leave Chizuru and your clothes behind in some store in Hiroshima? Aren't you stealing that dress, essentially?" whispered Yahiko.
Minoe sweated bullets while cringing. "I was desperate, okay!? I'll return the dress later!"
The buxom blonde bombshell pouted. "I wish I could spend more time with you guys. You're, like, a barrel of fun to be around!"
Munenori smiled back. "Aren't they? I thought the same thing, when I first met these guys! That's why we're called the SanbakURK!"
Despite his "extrasensory perception", Minoe didn't see the hands of Myojin and Gan coming to cover his mouth up and keep him from revealing that embarrassing group name he came up with.
"STOP CALLING US STOOGES, YA STOOGE!" shouted two of Three Stooges.
"Calling you what?" asked Brooks.
"The Sanbaka," said Minoe after lowering the hands of his comrades from his mouth while they were distracted. "We're really just three idiots, after all."
"That's adorable," Satsuki smiled as warmly as the sun. "I'm in my own Sanbaka back in Yokohama too, you know."
Gan thought aloud, "Ah. Yokohama. The place that started it all. You must've been stuck around the Kannai Foreign Settlement or something while growing up, right? Melon-sensei?"
Before Yahiko could do the three-hit combo Tsui Gami on Gan's head for that thoughtless remark, the green-eyed gaijin softly said, "Is that so? I guess that makes sense."
Gan covered his mouth, Yahiko facepalmed and covered his eyes, and... expecting another shouting match between his comrades... Minoe covered his ears.
Myojin hissed at the Dense Gan, "Satsuki thinks she's Japanese! Let her save face and don't bring up unnecessary things! You act more gaijin-like than she does with your cluelessness!"
"Okay! I-I'm sorry, Yoshi-boy! Jeez! And you're insulting her for implying that gaijin are clueless people!"
"Whatever. Don't apologize to me, apologize to her!"
"...It doesn't matter how hard I try. I can't be Japanese, can I?" said Satsuki, her wide jade eyes shining. "This is sort of why you keep whispering behind my back too, right?"
Gan and Yahiko froze in mid-murmur with an audible "Urk," while Minoe, who'd only met Satsuki just then and wasn't fully aware of the extent of her wanting to be Japanese, could only ask, "But why?"
Avoiding Brooks' stare, Myojin ending up spotting some of the kids he met earlier from Satsuki's English class... Goro (or "George"), Tatsu (or "Tate"), and Hiro (or "Heath")... hiding behind a dark corner in an alleyway, glaring daggers at them, the Sanbaka.
'What're those snot-nosed brats doing over here?' Yahiko wondered to himself.
The quartet of a gaijin, a former street rat pickpocket, a hoodlum, and a wigged, eye-patched Christian rebel in disguise continued walking around Hiroshima's sidewalks (though they didn't walk into any bars for the sake of some trite bar joke) in no particular direction.
However, Yahiko had an inkling feeling Miss Brooks was leading them back to the train station via a more scenic route.
The atmosphere and mood became more oppressive and heavier than usual, making even normally insensitive people like Gan cringe at where the conversation was going.
"It's your fault, Gan! You hurt her feelings," whispered Yahiko, who also kept an eye out for "George" and company, who in turn kept following them. Or rather, stalking them.
"Stop whispering behind her back, Yoshi-boy! She hates that!" berated Gan.
"I've heard that gaikokujin... gaijin... they live outside Yokohama, but can't get inside the city back in the day when Commodore Perry and his Black Ships first arrived in Japanese shores," brought up Satsuki.
"Oh. Uh, yeah. Sure," said the Mumbling Gan, who was probably the oldest of the Sanbaka, so he actually remembered quite a lot about the Bakumatsu. "It's been centuries since we've had loads of foreigners in Japan, so everyone, especially the older generation, weren't prepared for it. It didn't help that we got screwed over with unfair treaties that favored the foreigners more. Like what happened to Hong Kong after the Opium Wars."
The Guilty Gan then went on damage control after seeing the downtrodden look that Satsuki gave the ground, "Not that it's your fault why this happened, Miss Melon! The citizens shouldn't be blamed for the actions of their nation's military or government! Hell, I'm not even sure if you're American!
"TSUI GAMI!" This time around, Yahiko unleashed his experimental strike on Gan's noggin. "Just stop talking already! You're making things worse and more awkward!"
"AH! Don't hurt him! He didn't say anything wrong," reassured Brooks while Myojin stomped on the thug. "At least I know part of the reason why I'm treated the way I'm treated. I'm an outsider. I shouldn't enter certain places. Like in school or at home. As a kid, it made me think I should live in the kennel next door. Because it's outside."
"Hey, this talk... What do you mean?" asked Minoe.
The blonde girl sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I say I'm Japanese, but most people here in Japan treat me the same way as any other gaijin. No matter how closely I follow their traditions. No matter how well I speak the language. No matter how much I study about 'gaman', 'saving and losing face', or 'honne and tatamae'."
"..." the Sanbaka listened as one, unable to add anything else to Satsuki's words.
"Not to mention the fact that people look at me like I have the pox whenever I talk about these things. Everyone would rather ignore a problem than address it here in Japan, wouldn't they? Like it'd somehow disappear if they did that."
At that point, none of the Three Stooges could even look Brooks in the eye. Satsuki scratched the back of her blonde locks. "E-heh. Maybe I'm being a bit too melodramatic, huh?"
"What's wrong with being gaijin?" asked Munenori.
"...You what, mate?" said Brooks in English.
"I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gaijin, right? Why do you want to be Japanese? Why do you call yourself 'Satsuki', Satsuki-chi?" Minoe elaborated.
She chuckled. "No, there's nothing wrong with being gaijin, Minoe-chan. But many Japanese, even though they don't hate me and my... kind like they did back in the Bakumatsu, see right through me, like I'm a ghost. Despite that, Japan is all I've ever known, or at least remember."
They were nearing the front of the station, with people... all Japanese, and no gaijin in sight save for Brooks... milling all around, but parting like the biblical Red Sea (or, in Japanese terms, parting like the peach from where the folk hero Momotaro was born) when they chanced upon the unfamiliar sight of the tall, golden-haired Goldilocks in front of them.
"I want to be Japanese because all my family and friends are Japanese and I want to belong, even if I'm an outsider," said Brooks, who stared at the sky with misty eyes.
Amidst whispers of, "The gaijin are everywhere nowadays!", "Oh wow, that kinpatsu (golden-haired) gaijin's Japanese is really good! Is she a diplomat?", "Look at those huge knockers! What a beaut!", and "Is she half or...?", Yahiko surmised the following.
'She can't remember much else? Was she very young when she ended up here in Japan? Or is she like Moringa Kaede, who lost her memories and was naturally... forgetful?'
The terms Myojin was looking for were "amnesia" and "repressed memories", but such modern western medical concepts (maybe not so much amnesia since the book "Diseases on Memory: An Essay in the Positive Psychology" was published in 1882) weren't present or well-defined in the 19th Century, much less 19th Century Japan.
Everyone was more "four temperaments" this and "ki or chi flow" that back then. Oh, and of course leeches. They were also all about the leeches. You couldn't have too much blood in you, after all. You could get sick from that, according to 19th Century doctors.
As luck would have it, a two-horse carriage lost its wheel in the middle of the chaos of the late afternoon Hiroshima Station, its horses spooked and running (or galloping) amok.
All this happened while the Sanbaka did damage control over their insensitive remarks about "cool Japanese beauty" wannabe Satsuki Brooks, and the trio of "George", "Tate", and "Heath" (or Goro, Tatsu, and Hiro) stalked them.
"LOOK OUT! That carriage is about to crash!" said Munenori in one breath before making a run for it.
"Oh shit," cursed Yahiko under his breath. "Wait for me, MINOE!"
"AH! Patches! Yoshi-boy!" asked the Clueless Gan.
From there, the rest of the Sanbaka went into action, ushering the sea of humanity away from the careening buggy. "Get out of the way! MOVE, BITCHES! MOVE!" the trio (mostly Gan) shouted to the scattering populace.
The first one on the scene was Minoe, who had a running head start because he was the person who spotted the carriage beforehand thanks to his "Antennas" technique (wherein his heightened senses made him detect things better), his speed compromised by the drag force of his puffy dress.
He was a "drag queen" being dragged down by drag force because he was in drag.
'Dammit.'
Munenori eventually ended up beside the carriage, maintained his speed with the vehicle, opened a side door, and urged the passengers (a man and his daughter) to jump, all the while keeping up with the rickety stagecoach's pace.
From behind the wigged crossdresser, Yahiko was hot on Minoe's heels, the boy's constant jogging and stamina training for the last few weeks finally paying dividends.
"Whoa! Look at Joshua-oniisan go!" Myojin overheard of Satsuki's students say, much to his chagrin.
Munenori and Yahiko's eyes met, and the former motioned to the latter to do something about the reigns of the unstable horse-drawn wagon.
Yahiko did a running jump and, with a swing of his sakabatou, shattered the four-wheeled wagon's splinter bar (which connected the vehicle to the beasts of burden pulling it), to the flabbergasted horseman's surprise.
"Imitation technique! RYU TSUI SEN!"
The carriage lost its horses and begun slowing down. Around the same time, Minoe caught the daughter in his waiting arms while Myojin took care of the father's landing. As for the horseless wagon and its driver, a waiting Gan stopped both the man and the car before either could crash anywhere. With his bare hands.
"Whoa! You okay, dude? Don't worry. The Great Gan gotcha!" reassured the hooligan to the rescued, out-of-breath driver.
As the Sanbaka set the rescued civilians down to take care of the horses amidst the applause of their audience around them, they heard the voice of some boy call out, "SENSEI! MAY-SENSEI! LOOK OUT!" at Satsuki.
"What in blue blazes are you doing, you idiot!?"
"Goro-kun, no! STOP!"
It was indeed Goro/George who shouted after his English teacher while running towards her because the spooked horses were going straight for her.
'May...?' thought Yahiko, both him and Minoe neck-in-neck at sprinting towards the stampeding horses that still had their blinders on and were at a panic, threatening to turn the blonde into roadkill with their trampling hooves.
Goro himself ended up tripping on his own legs and falling facedown the road in his panic and shock, before he could reach his foreign English teacher in time.
The spooked horses weren't only about to trample Brooks. Several other curious onlookers who'd just stepped off the trains and wanted to see what the commotion was all about were directly within the path of the panicked animal.
As for Satsuki, she undid her hair, tore up part of the restrictive lower half of her kimono to give herself more leg room, did away with her wooden clogs, and took a nearby custodian's long-poled broom.
Brooks proceeded to sidestep the animal, run beside it, do a pole vault, and get on its back while tugging on its reigns and saying, "Whoa! Easy there, horsy!" to stop it and calm it down. She kept the stallion (or mare, she wasn't sure) from trampling the scattering crowd, especially "George".
"Wow," the kid said. However, while Goro attempted to get up, his eyes sparkling at the sight of the blonde on a horse as a stray wind tousled her golden locks, the other horse that the Sanbaka and Satsuki neglected to catch turned around and threaten to make the boy flatter than okonomiyaki.
"...GORO-KUN!"
"MAY-SENSEI!"
Satsuki urged the horse that she rode on move, even at the risk of having the animal she'd just calmed down and the wild beast headed right towards "George" collide, but she proved too far away.
So were the Three Stooges, who were running towards where Goro was as fast as they could but couldn't due to exhaustion.
Before a horseshoed hoof could even touch Brooks' student, a hand grabbed him by the collar and pulled him away from the other horse's deadly legs.
"!?" came the general sentiment of Goldilocks and the Three Stooges after George/Goro was able to dodge that bullet, Satsuki finally grabbing the reigns of the other spooked horse and calming it down.
Who was this person who reeled the boy in like a fish biting on a hook?
"Ch-Chizuru...?" chorused Yahiko and a horseback-riding Satsuki.
"Ch-Chizuru-chi?" said Minoe with an unusual honorific because he was "special".
"K-Kaori-neechan?" said Gan, referring to the same person with a nickname of his own because he was "extra special".
"What in the holy halibut is going on here?" said Chizuru Raikouji after tugging Goro away from what could've been a messy demise.
After Miss Brooks got off of one of two horses she kept from rampaging across the Hiroshima Train Station (she handed the animals back to the horse carriage driver whose vehicle lost a wheel), she immediately hugged her poor student Goro close to her bosom, which made him blush and slightly suffocate.
"You naughty boy! What werre you doing here? I thought you went home!" reprimanded Satsuki.
"Er..." trailed off George.
"Don't 'Er...' me, young man! What would your parents think? If Chizuru-san weren't there, you would've...!"
The Sanbaka then realized something crucial and turned towards a certain "kinpatsu". "Speaking of which, you two know each other? You and Chizuru?" Myojin was the first one to broach the subject.
"Huh. Since when did you guys know about May-chan?" remarked Chizuru as "George" did high-fives with "Tate" and "Heath" for (inadvertently) getting to second base with Satsuki.
Goro also bowed and thanked Raikouji, but the heiress insisted, "You're a student of the 'Miss Brooks'. Think nothing of it! Any friend of hers is a friend of mine."
"George" became sweatier than usual upon hearing that. "Eheh. Right. Of course. W-We're friends. Just friends..."
"Heath" chided, "You were getting too big for your britches, dude."
"Shut up," returned Goro.
Minoe answered Chizuru's question, "W-We just met Satsuki-chi. O-Or May-chi. I'm not sure what her name is... Will you please stop staring so intensely, Chizuru-chi?"
"My bad," the young Raikouji said. "You just look too cute in that dress, Minoe-chan! I wish you hadn't run off, there were so many other dresses we could've tried out!"
Munenori cringed and considered disappearing then and there.
"Sooo that's her real name, huh? May Brooks?" recited Yahiko, putting two-and-two together.
"Yessiree. That's me. May Brooks. The wannabe Japanese girl," said Satsuki, a substitute foreign English teacher at Hiroshima Middle School.
"Brooks-sensei," the boys said, except Goro, who called her instead, "May-sensei."
"I'm the same as most foreigners out there. I can't enter certain restaurants. I can't be in certain places or areas. Everywhere I go, I get watched by everyone. Curious peeks. Dirty stares. Creepy leers. All the same, I get the feeling I could never belong here."
Minoe's eyes (well, eye) widened. He gulped, realizing how insensitive he was for implying that Satsuki was being a creepy Japanophile, not realizing how ostracized she felt in a place she'd known all the while as her only home.
Munenori then grabbed the blonde's hands and said, "I'm sorry for being inconsiderate! I know what you mean!"
"There's no need to apologize! You didn't do anything wrong," replied Brooks.
"Oh, stop being melodramatic, Sakaguchi Satsuki!" said Chizuru before doing a karate chop on May's golden noggin, which made the girl wince and drop the broom she'd used to pole-vault onto a rampaging horse.
"OWIE! What was that for, Chizuru-obaasan!?" demanded Brooks.
"DON'T CALL ME 'OBAASAN'! We're about the same age!" Raikouji shouted back before calming herself down. "You have us, right?"
"W-What?"
"In Yokohoma, in Tokyo, or even in Shinshu, there are places here in Japan where we can go back to and feel at home. Where you could belong. Because that's where we and the Sakaguchis are. Remember? You're a Sakaguchi."
"Chizuru..." May... or rather, Satsuki... trailed off.
"Hey, HEY! Wait a minute. She's a Sakaguchi?" asked the Stupefied Gan this time around, finally getting a word in edgewise. "As in Officer Daddy's little Sakaguchi Family? With the shy daughter and the MILF Soba Lady?"
While Yahiko raised an eyebrow at "MILF", Chizuru answered Gan with, "Yup. She was an orphan adopted into the Sakaguchi Family by Grandpa Sakaguchi himself. I heard she even bit his hand when they first met!"
"S-Stop!" It was Satsuki's turn to chop Chizuru's head. "I-I didn't know what to make of Ojisan when he first rescued me in Yokohama. I couldn't trust anyone back then. I couldn't even belong right now."
"Well, you can trust us, right? Who cares what those other idiots think? If you're an outsider, then let's be outsiders together," Chizuru said with her hands on her hips.
With a face-splitting grin one would never see from a prim, proper, and reserved English lady or a Yamato Nadeshiko, Satsuki rubbed her nose and said, "Yup."
At the sight of a blonde gaijin that didn't act like gaijin and a raven-haired Japanese girl who did, the Great Gan had this to say. "Japan... sure has changed a lot. Not totally, but it most certainly did. Can this New Japan take on the world?"
Yahiko (literally) kicked Gan's ass. "You make it sound like Japan is entering an international sports tournament. Stop that."
Back in 1867 in Yokohama, near the Kannai Foreign Settlement...
The man before the crying blonde whose hand she bit spoke a language she couldn't understand, holding her down firmly but gently.
He then asked in English, "What's your name?" with a heavy accent.
"M-May. May Brooks," she rasped, surprised that she could still speak.
"Aah, May. Satsuki, desu ne? Utsukushi namae wa," he replied. "We go out now? Dangerous," he said in broken English, and she complied, not knowing what else to do.
She'd later learn that Satsuki was the Japanese word for the month of May.
To Be Continued...
As a translation convention, I made the Hiroshima "accent" be more Georgian or Deep South English. This is in contrast with Kansai or Osakan "accent", which is more Western English or Texan. Complete with idioms and sayings.
The whipping scene last chapter between Grandma Mieko and Kinta is based on the whipping scene of the child Daigoro by policemen in the 1973 movie "Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart in Land of Demons", complete with repeated statements of "Chigau!"
Arrivederci,
Abdiel