The night sky was utterly cloud-covered, making the murky shadows in the camp near oppressive. Still though, Frostmask could make out the silhouettes of Cricketpaw and Hollowpaw as they stood before Sedgestar at the foot of Clanrock, and the proud gleam in Pineshade's eye as she gazed at her apprentice.
"Cricketpaw, Hollowpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend ShadowClan, even at the cost of your lives?" Sedgestar's solemn meow echoed through the clearing.
"I do," Cricketpaw and Hollowpaw's voices rang in unison.
Sedgestar nodded, accepting their vows.
"Then by the powers of StarClan, give you your warrior names. Cricketpaw, from this moment you will be known as Cricketsong. StarClan honors your bravery and your honesty. And, Hollowpaw, you will be known as Hollowshade. StarClan honors your patience and cleverness." Sedgestar's muzzle brushed Cricketsong's forehead first before he moved to Hollowshade's. "And, we welcome you as full warriors of ShadowClan."
"Cricketsong!" Pineshade yowled out before anyone else.
"Cricketsong! Hollowshade!" the rest of Clan took up the chant.
Cricketsong raised her chin, her grey and pale ginger coat ruffling with pride. Hollowshade seemed a bit more composed, her darker pelt sleek and her expression taciturn, but she still affectionately pressed her side to her sister's.
Frostmask purred, watching as Pineshade was among the first to walk over and congratulate the new warriors. But, her attention was pulled off of them and to Sedgestar as he stuck his head into the medicine cat's den for a moment before retreating into his own den at the roots of the Oak Tree.
A pin-prick of unease twinged in Frostmask's chest. It wasn't like Sedgestar to vanish so quickly after a ceremony, but Sedgestar had been withdrawn for the past few days— not even calling on Frostmask for their 'leadership lessons.'
But, Grovepelt had recently fallen sick to another infection, and that was likely contributing to Sedgestar's dark mood. Frostmask tried to not hold it against their leader. Everyone in ShadowClan knew how close he and Grovepelt were; of course he'd be worried about him.
Frostmask shook her ears, focusing back on the newly named warriors. In addition to Pineshade, Hollowshade's former mentor Rowanheart had gone over to congratulate them too, and Dustleap, of course. He wove around his daughters, his tail held high in a rare display of unstrained joy.
Lizardstrike, Featherfall, and Yewstorm also trotted over to speak to their old friends, but Frostmask noticed Cedarfur hanging back a bit. He was hovering awkwardly a couple fox-lengths away rather than going over to brush cheeks or touch noses with his sisters, and Cricketsong and Hollowshade seemed to respond in kind. Even as the two new warriors basked in their loved ones' praise, Hollowshade shot Cedarfur a quick, cold look, while Cricketsong seemed to be deliberately avoiding her brother's gaze.
Frostmask's brow furrowed in concern. From her perspective at least, the three litter-mates had always appeared close— bonded by the losses of their mother and their brother so early in their apprenticeship. So why were they acting so hostile towards each other now?
Did Cedarfur becoming a warrior earlier than his littermates drive a wedge between them?
Frostmask blinked thoughtfully, putting herself in the young cats' positions.
It's not like Cricketsong and Hollowshade had to wait too long to join him. But, maybe it's the principle of the thing. Like, he could have stayed an apprentice for a few extra days, but instead he had to make a point in becoming a warrior before them, as if to prove that he was better than them in some way.
Frostmask sighed softly to herself, giving her head a small shake.
But, they probably don't know that it was really Dampfang who was pushing for the earlier ceremony, not necessarily Cedarfur. And, then Sedgestar just eventually gave into him.
Really those three littermates were just dragged into this. Making Hollowshade and Cricketsong upset was just the price of making Dampfang happy— reasonable collateral in Sedgestar's and Dampfang's eyes.
Frostmask's tail flipped against the ground, and her eyes tracked through the crowd, looking for Dampfang. She found him at the edge of the camp, picking at his claws with an expression of boredom plastered on his face. Frostmask's jaw tightened in anger.
Of course he doesn't care about their ceremony, since his apprentice is already a warrior.
Cricketsong having been Pineshade's apprentice apparently wasn't even enough to make Dampfang pay attention. Although, to be fair, Frostmask wasn't entirely sure if Dampfang and Pineshade were even still together at this point. Pineshade hadn't spoken to her about anything directly, but at least as far as Frostmask could tell, the two of them had started avoiding each other so thoroughly, an onlooker could reasonably assume that one of them must have fleas or mange.
Frostmask sighed again, a faint headache starting to form behind her eyes. It was growing late in the night, and she was running on a deficit of sleep thanks to her meeting with Paledusk from a few nights ago. She'd much rather be curled up in her den, catching up on some rest before dawn, than pondering the inner workings of her clan-mates' minds. But, if Sedgestar— and weirdly enough, Dampfang— had taught her anything, understanding her clan-mates' emotions and motivations were a vital part of leadership.
Still though, there would be plenty of time for musing in the morning.
Frostmask rose to her paws, stretching the kinks from her legs. The meeting was dispersing, but Frostmask padded up to Cricketsong and Hollowshade before they could head off too. After all, Grovepelt had always made a point to congratulate the newly named warriors after their ceremonies. It seemed wrong for her to not continue the tradition.
Pineshade was still with Hollowshade and Cricketsong, but she was now chatting with Rowanheart. Cedarfur seemed like he still hadn't made up his mind about whether it would be a good idea to congratulate his littermates or not, and so he continued to linger a few tail-lengths away— close, but not close enough to actually talk to them. Meanwhile though, Lizardstrike had stopped near Cedarfur to speak to him. Cedarfur was watching Lizardstrike as he paw-signed, but his ears stayed angled towards his sisters.
Both Hollowshade and Cricketsong dipped their heads to Frostmask respectfully as she approached, and Frostmask had to resist the urge to self-consciously rasp her tongue through her pelt as faint embarrassment prickled at her. Even though Frostmask had been deputy for about a moon by now, she still wasn't used to such displays of respect from other warriors.
At least it was a bit less strange since Hollowshade and Cricketsong were younger than her. The first time Weaseltail had dipped his head to her when she's asked him if he would take a patrol down the ThunderClan border had really thrown her from a loop.
"Ah our generous deputy has decided to grace us with her presence tonight," Pineshade's teasing voice broke in, pulling her from her thoughts. "To what do we owe the honor?"
Frostmask narrowed her eyes at Pineshade, hoping to convey a silent reprimand for her sarcasm. With Dampfang still being such a nuisance by challenging Frostmask's authority in the Clan, the last thing she needed was Pineshade also inadvertently teaching ShadowClan's youngest warriors that Frostmask wasn't a 'real' deputy.
But, Pineshade just responded to Frostmask's glare with a slow, deliberate yawn, and Frostmask found herself stifling a laugh despite herself.
At least I know that even if I do get used to the respectful displays, it will never truly go to my head since I'll always have Pineshade here to keep me humble.
"I just wanted to congratulate you both," Frostmask purred, turning her attention to Hollowshade and Cricketsong. "You've done so well, and ShadowClan is lucky to have you both as warriors."
"Thank you, Frostmask," Cricketsong said, dipping her head again.
But, Hollowshade sent a sideways glance over at Cedarfur for a moment before turning her eyes back on Frostmask again.
"Yes, thank you," she meowed. "I'm glad we've done well. Although it does seem like that some warriors have done better than us."
Frostmask blinked in surprise. Hollowshade's tone was even, but there was a challenge in her eyes as she met her gaze to Frostmask's.
"Hollowshade," Cricketsong hissed scoldingly under her breath.
"It's okay," Frostmask said quickly, glancing at Cricketsong, whose ears were flicking nervously, before turning her attention back onto Hollowshade. "I hope you know that Cedarfur becoming a warrior a bit earlier had nothing to do with any lack in your abilities."
Out of the corner of her gaze, Frostmask thought she saw Cedarfur's ears twitching towards her, but she tried to keep her attention on the newly named warriors, waiting to see how they would respond. But, Hollowshade's only indication that she'd even heard her was a slight narrowing of her eyes.
Frostmask hesitated. She wanted to shift the blame, to say that the decision had been out of her paws, that Dampfang had been the one who wanted it, and Sedgestar who'd eventually agreed. As much as she'd be happy to point the fault at Dampfang, she couldn't do that without also making Sedgestar seem like he'd passively folded to his demands or, instead, that Sedgestar had simply been uncaring towards Cricketsong's and Hollowshade's feelings on the matter. It didn't seem wise to spread either of those impressions.
Although it's not like Sedgestar is making this better for himself in Cricketsong's and Hollowshade's eyes by disappearing right after their ceremony…
Frostmask cleared her throat.
"Anyway," she meowed. "Once everyone else has gone to their nests for the night, don't forgot that you have your vigil to hold until sunrise. Keep a sharp eye out; remember there's been fox scent around the forest these past couple days."
"It won't get past us," Cricketsong assured, and Hollowshade murmured an agreement.
Frostmask left them with a nod. She wasn't actually all that concerned about the fox— its scent trails had mostly kept away from camp, closer to the ThunderClan border— but it couldn't hurt to make the young warriors feel like they were doing something worthwhile.
The camp had already emptied significantly as most cats slipped into the dens. Frostmask padded towards the warriors' den herself, sticking her head inside to evaluate where the two new warriors should sleep.
The den was actually formed by three different bramble bushes; their branches tangled together in the middle, creating a thickly woven net for the roof. The resulting cavern was large, but it was beginning to get a bit crowded as ShadowClan's warrior population grew. Frostmask made a mental note to ask a few cats tomorrow to prune some of the inside branches to open the den up more. But, there should still be room for two more nests for Hollowshade and Cricketsong, if they squeezed a bit near the entrance of the den.
Frostmask withdrew back out of the den, deciding that she would have the nests made up for Hollowshade and Cricketsong now, so they wouldn't have to do it themselves in the morning. Perhaps that would be enough of a peace offering that they would forgive her for allowing Cedarfur to become a warrior before them.
Frostmask turned towards the holly bush, intending to have one of the apprentices take care of it, but she hadn't even completed a full step towards the apprentices' den before she paused, hit by the obvious.
Now that Hollowshade and Cricketsong were warriors, for the first time in Frostmask's life, ShadowClan didn't have any apprentices. Amberberry's litter would be the next in line, but it would be a bit over two moons before they reached the proper age for it.
Frostmask shook her head. There went her plan of asking some apprentice to take care of the nests so she could go sleep herself.
Frostmask glanced over her shoulder at the warriors' den, debating whether she should just head to her nest and leave Cricketsong and Hollowshade to fend for themselves. As Frostmask looked back, her gaze caught Autumnleap's, who had been lingering out in the camp. He padded over to her, purring in greeting as he draped his fluffy auburn tail over her back.
"You coming to sleep?" he asked, his jaws parting in a yawn as he spoke.
"In a moment," Frostmask said, making up her mind. "I'm going to make some nests for Hollowshade and Cricketsong first."
Autumnleap's ears pricked in surprise.
"Are you sure that's a job for a deputy?" he teased gently. "I'm sure you could order someone else to do it."
Frostmask blinked at him with mock innocence.
"Are you volunteering?" she asked sweetly.
"Er…" Autumnleap stalled, his eyes darting from side to side as if searching for an excuse somewhere in front of him.
Frostmask huffed, rolling her eyes, but she gave Autumnleap a fond nudge on his shoulder with her muzzle.
"That's what I thought," she said. "Besides, I'm not sure if it would make certain warriors happy for me to order them to do it."
Autumnleap scoffed, knowing exactly who she was referring to.
"Yeah, but on the other paw, I doubt those 'certain warriors' will find it a good look for the deputy to be doing an apprentice chore," Autumnleap pointed out, arching a brow.
Frostmask's ears flicked in slight exasperation.
"Well I was going to ask an apprentice to do it, but…."
Autumnleap blinked as he caught on, his brow furrowing.
"Oh yeah… huh. That is weird. How are nests supposed to get made without any apprentices in camp?" he mused.
"Well, you and the rest of the warriors have got paws, haven't you?" Frostmask asked. "Warriors already typically keep their own nests fresh, I'm sure they'll remember how to change the queens' and elders' bedding too."
Autumnleap sighed dramatically, his tail falling off her back to swish slowly behind him.
"Yeah, but one of the perks of being a warrior is that you don't have to do that anymore," he complained. "Can't Cricketsong and Hollowshade keep doing it?"
Frostmask's pelt prickled. That would surely not endear the two sisters to her.
"That's not fair to them," Frostmask pointed out. "I don't really see another option besides having all of the warriors chip in… But, I'll ask Grovepelt what he thinks. This sort of situation must have happened to ShadowClan before. He'll know what to do."
Autumnleap nodded, visibly relaxing at the thought of leaving the issue in Grovepelt's experienced paws.
"Good idea," he agreed.
Frostmask touched her muzzle to Autumnleap's cheek.
"I'll be in the nest soon," she promised. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Autumnleap purred, rubbing his face to hers for a moment before turning to head to the den.
Frostmask turned as well, but she padded towards the medicine cats' den. Elmclaw kept a stash of moss there— she could borrow from it to make the new nest, and also being in the medicine cat's den would also allow her to speak with Grovepelt.
Frostmask's stomach lurched as her thoughts turned to the former deputy.
His shoulder wounds still stubbornly refused to fully seal, and because of his already weakened state, this new infection had sunk its claws in deeply and begun to ravage his body.
At least he had Elmclaw to care for him. Frostmask knew that the medicine cat would do everything he could for Grovepelt. But, even Elmclaw's diligent care alone wouldn't be enough to drive off the infection, if Grovepelt himself no longer had the strength left to fight back.
Frostmask braced herself for a heartbeat when she reached the foot of Clanrock. Then she stuck her head through the lichen curtain that covered the mouth of the medicine cat's den. Immediately, a strong, sickly-sweet scent of infection hit her, and she had to swallow down a wave of bile that rose in the back of her throat. She waited a moment, until she could tolerate the smell and the darkness of the den.
"Elmclaw?" she called softly.
A large lump in the back of the den quickly stirred and rose to his paws. Frostmask's gaze drifted from him to the frail form of Grovepelt, who was curled up and sleeping in a nest closer to the entrance. Even concealed by shadows, Frostmask could see the shape of his skeleton beneath his thin coat. Swallowing nervously, Frostmask managed to tear her gaze off of Grovepelt and back to Elmclaw as he reached her.
Frostmask's paws prickled as she took in Elmclaw's face. He looked downright haggard— his green eyes dull and the state of his dark tabby fur one step away from degenerating from simply untidy to matted.
"Are you okay?" Frostmask asked him anxiously, for a moment, completely forgetting what had brought her here in the first place.
Elmclaw blinked at her once, his brow furrowing in confusion as if he could not comprehend why she would ask him a question with such an obvious answer.
"What can I do for you, Frostmask?" Elmclaw said instead of responding.
"Well, I came to ask if I could have some moss for Cricketsong's and Hollowshade's new nests…" Frostmask said. "But, now I feel like I should be asking what I can do for you."
While she'd been speaking, Elmclaw was already moving, gathering up a large bundle of moss from the area near his herb stores and carrying it over to her.
"Here," he said, dropping it at her paws. "Just have someone gather more to replace it tomorrow."
"Thank you," Frostmask said, still blinking at Elmclaw with concern. "…Is it Grovepelt?"
Elmclaw sighed, his shoulders hunching. He was silent for several heartbeats, making Frostmask wonder if he would refuse to answer her questions all together.
"…Let's go outside," Elmclaw spoke finally. "I don't want to wake him."
Elmclaw brushed past her and padded out of the cave. Frostmask grabbed the moss and cast a quick final glance at Grovepelt before following Elmclaw out of the den.
There weren't many cats left in the clearing, so Elmclaw's large form crouched in a secluded corner of the camp was easy to spot. Frostmask padded over to him, putting the moss down on the ground before taking a seat at his side. Elmclaw didn't speak for a few moments, and neither did Frostmask. She just waited for him.
"He took a turn for the worst tonight," Elmclaw muttered. "He's not getting better."
Frostmask's blood chilled. Anxious energy slithered through her, twisting her stomach into knots and sending her claws flexing in and out.
"…Grovepelt?" she croaked, even though she knew Elmclaw couldn't be talking about anyone else.
Elmclaw gave a sharp nod, his green eyes glittering with anguish.
"I've been trying everything, but I can't…" Elmclaw inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment.
Frostmask's brow furrowed as she noticed his paws trembling.
"Elmclaw, you're shaking," she murmured, gently touching a paw to his.
His eyes opened again.
"I'm sorry," he said, curling his tail around his paws as if to hide them from her. "I'm just feeling a bit lightheaded."
"Have you eaten today?" she asked, searching his face. "When was the last time you've slept?"
Elmclaw's eyes flared suddenly.
"How can I rest when Grovepelt is like this?" he hissed, his teeth baring.
Frostmask's ears went flat against her head, and she drew back from him slightly. She didn't think she'd ever had Elmclaw get angry with her before. Elmclaw blinked and seemed to realize he'd overreacted, because he sighed, rubbing a paw against his wary face.
"I'm sorry," he muttered again.
"You need help, and you need to rest or you're going to make yourself sick too," Frostmask said, lifting her chin and doing her best to summon an I'm-the-deputy air of authority. "Should we ask Clearstream for help?"
Elmclaw shook his head.
"No," he said. "There's nothing that she can do that I haven't already tried."
"She can at least watch Grovepelt while you sleep," Frostmask pointed out.
Elmclaw's lip twitched, and he shook his head again, more firmly this time.
"She retired for a reason," he growled. "It wasn't so that I could go crying to her anytime I'm slightly overwhelmed."
"Clearstream would want to help," Frostmask insisted.
Elmclaw was silent, his ears flat against his head and his jaw clenched.
Frostmask sighed softly.
"Look, I get it," she said, her tone turning gentle. "You want to make sure the Clan knows that you're a good medicine cat, and you, by yourself, can take care of us. Ever since I became deputy, I felt the exact same way, knowing that cats would have preferred me to be Grovepelt…"
Frostmask's voice trailed off, and she coughed awkwardly. Truth be told, she would be happy to give her power back to Grovepelt, if he was fit for it. But, if Grovepelt really was as direly ill as Elmclaw said, then soon he may be gone entirely.
Frostmask's head spun.
Oh stars, what will I do then?
"But, I don't feel any shame to come to Grovepelt for advice," Frostmask said, forcing herself to continue. "And, I don't think there's any shame for you to go to Clearstream either. That doesn't make you any less of a good medicine cat."
Elmclaw was still quiet for a few more moments before he bowed his head, digging his claws into the ground.
"I just feel like such a failure," he growled in a voice so low and quiet, Frostmask had to strain her ears to hear. "What will the Clan think of me? What will Sedgestar think of me? He and Grovepelt are so close… I haven't been able to tell Sedgestar yet that I couldn't save him. He'll be so devastated…"
"Well… there's no need to talk like that," Frostmask said, her brow furrowed. "Grovepelt isn't gone yet."
Elmclaw's head bowed even further so that his chin touched his chest.
"He will be soon," he whispered, staring down at his paws.
A heavy stone of weight fell down into Frostmask's stomach, and the low level of anxiety thrumming in the back of her skull started to sharpen towards something closer to panic.
"Let's go get Clearstream," she declared, getting to her paws, the new nests for Cricketsong and Hollowshade forgotten. "Now. This isn't an insult towards your abilities. But, if we want to save Grovepelt, we should try every option we've got."
Elmclaw blinked, turning his eyes towards her, and although his gaze was still dull, he rose to his feet too.
"You're right," he muttered, already starting to stride towards the elders' den. "Come on."
They hurried towards the old pine tree stump, Elmclaw sticking his head inside and calling for Clearstream. The former medicine cat's long grey fur was messy with sleep as she emerged from the den, blinking drowsiness from her eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked, taking in their anxious expressions.
"Grovepelt's infection is getting worse," Elmclaw sighed, the fur down his spine bristling. "I've been trying everything I can think of, but nothing is working. I'm afraid we will lose him if we can't reduce his fever soon."
Clearstream's gaze sharpened, and seasons suddenly seemed to fall off of her as she no longer looked like an elder, but a medicine cat determined to save her clan-mates.
"Show him to me," she said.
Elmclaw turned, striding towards the Clanrock with Clearstream at his side. He muttered terms and treatments he'd tried to her, most of which completely went over Frostmask's head. But, as Frostmask watched Elmclaw and Clearstream together, she was reminded why the older cat retired— Clearstream moved stiffly, limping along as if her joints were bothering her as she struggled to keep up with Elmclaw's long stride, and Frostmask felt a bit bad for pulling the elder out of her nest. But, it would all be worth it if they could save Grovepelt, right?
Frostmask trailed after them as they entered back into the medicine cat's den. The situation now felt very out of her paws; she had no training in healing, and if she remained in the den to watch them work, she'd likely just end up in their way. Still, her anxiety about Grovepelt kept her lingering at the mouth of the cave as Elmclaw and Clearstream made a beeline for the herb stores, getting to work shifting through leaves and roots out while murmuring to each other in low voices the whole while.
Frostmask had intended to stay near the entrance and out of their way, but she found her paws leading her towards Grovepelt, who was still sleeping curled up in his nest. Soon she was standing over him, sweeping a worried gaze over his feeble body and trying not to breathe in too deeply, so the nauseating scent of infection wouldn't stick in the back of her throat.
As Frostmask gazed at Grovepelt, fear rose up inside of her like a flood as the severity of the situation finally fully hit her.
He looked like he'd been wasting away, as if this infection had sapped the flesh from his bones. And a scent crept into Frostmask's nose— something deeper than the floral scents of herbs, or even the sickly-sweet scent of infection. It was faint, but sharp and bitter… and something she'd smelled before. The scent and Grovepelt's carefully curled up, emaciated form stirred a memory from deep in Frostmask mind.
This is just how May was like, right before she died…
It's the smell of death.
Dread and dismay rooted Frostmask's paws to the ground, but she gave her head a sharp shake, trying to push the thoughts away.
No! Grovepelt can't actually be dying. Not yet. Elmclaw and Clearstream can still save him!
But, she couldn't ignore the truth of what she saw and smelled. As she stood there, denial and grief battling together in her chest, Grovepelt's eyelids twitched, then flickered open. His eyes were bleary for a moment, but some of their cloudiness faded as he recognized her.
"Frostmask," Grovepelt purred in a voice barely louder than a breath. "Have you come to visit?"
Frostmask sunk down to the ground next to him, curling her plumy tail around his side. Despite the warm green-leaf air and the heat radiating off his short pelt from his fever, he was shivering.
"Yes," Frostmask said, forcing a purr into her throat. "I wanted to see how you're doing, and tell you that Clearstream has come over to help too. She and Elmclaw will get you out of the medicine cat's den in no time."
Grovepelt's eyes grew half-lidded, and he was silent for a few heartbeats, long enough that Frostmask began to wonder if he'd drifted back off to sleep. But, then he spoke softly.
"You don't have to lie for my sake, little one. I've lived long enough to know a dying cat when I see one."
Frostmask made a soft noise of protest as indignation rose in her, only to be strangled in her throat before she could form the feeling into words.
Grovepelt blinked at her slowly. His eyes were cloudy with exhaustion and overlaid with a sheen brought on by fever, but beneath it all, they were still intelligent and focused. He truly understood what was happening to him, and Frostmask wasn't sure if that made it worse or better.
"Do not worry," Grovepelt muttered. "I am not afraid."
He managed to turn enough to press his muzzle to the side of one of her fore-legs.
"…I am leaving the clan in good paws," he whispered, a spark of fondness twinkling in his eyes.
Frostmask blinked hard, glancing away from him to stare fiercely at the stone wall of the den.
Grovepelt was the one dying, and yet still he was the one comforting her? Grovepelt had it all backwards— if anything that showed just how horribly unequipped she was to be deputy.
"…I'm still not ready," Frostmask whispered back, managing to glance down at Grovepelt from the corner of her eyes.
Despite her protests, Grovepelt's fond look didn't fade.
"Let me tell you a secret, little one," Grovepelt murmured. "No one is ever ready for anything. You must just take what life gives you. And, try to be enough."
Frostmask swallowed hard around the lump that was rapidly forming in the back of her throat.
At that moment, Clearstream and Elmclaw came padding over. Frostmask glanced over at them, hope sparking in her chest that they had brought over the miracle poultice which would cure Grovepelt. But, the leaf wrap in Elmclaw's jaws was disappointedly small, and when he placed in on the ground in front of Grovepelt's muzzle and the leaves fell open, Frostmask saw that there was only a sole poppy seed inside.
"What's this?" Frostmask asked, glancing from Elmclaw to Clearstream and back again. "Poppy seeds are just for easing pain, right? I thought you were going to lower his fever."
Clearstream gave her head a sad shake.
"Elmclaw has already done everything in a medicine cat's power to help," she said softly. "The best we can do now is make Grovepelt comfortable until his body fights off the infection, or until…"
"…It's time for me to join StarClan," Grovepelt rasped, finishing her sentence for her when Clearstream's voice trailed off.
Clearstream's blue eyes swam with sorrow as she dipped her head to press her nose to Grovepelt's.
"I'm sorry that I cannot do more, old friend," she whispered.
"It's alright," Grovepelt reassured her as he obediently lapped up the one seed.
"Let me or Elmclaw know if you need additional seeds," Clearstream said, lifting her head again and reverting to her medicine cat briskness. "But, know that anymore will make you drowsy. That may prevent…"
Clearstream's voice wavered as her brusque facade cracked for a moment.
"…It may prevent you from saying your goodbyes," she managed to finish.
Grovepelt nodded in undestanding.
"Just one is fine for now," he murmured. "Thank you."
As if this short interaction had exhausted him, Grovepelt's eyes went half-lidded again, and he became still and quiet. Frostmask shot a fearful glance over at his flank and sighed in relief as she saw it still rose and fall with breath. She scrambled to her paws, sudden urgency clawing at her.
"I—I'm—" Frostmask stammered. "I'm going to get Sedgestar."
"I think that is wise," Clearstream murmured, gently cushioning more moss around Grovepelt's bony sides.
Frostmask nodded vigorously, turning and hurrying from the den as her mind whirled. Besides Sedgestar, who were the cats that she should notify? Of course, Grovepelt was loved by the whole clan, but if only a few cats had the time to say goodbye, she should pick carefully. Sedgestar and Clearstream were two very close companions of Grovepelt, but who else?
Pineshade. Of course.
Frostmask altered course, scurrying across camp with short, hurried steps and slipping into the warriors' den. Most cats beneath the bramble bush were sleeping peacefully by now. Only a few were drowsily sharing tongues in the back or murmuring to each other in low tones. But, Frostmask ignored them, instead focusing on locating Pineshade's dark pelt.
Squeezing around sleeping bodies and dodging paws and tails, Frostmask made it to Pineshade's side, where she woke her with a gentle touch on the shoulder. When Pineshade's amber eye flickered open, annoyance at being woken sparked in her gaze, but it lasted only for an instant before it was replaced by concern as she took in Frostmask's grave face.
"It's Grovepelt," Frostmask breathed. "He is… I think you need to come see him."
Pineshade's expression rapidly darkened as she caught her meaning. She rose to her paws without a word and strode off, heading straight for the medicine cat's den. Frostmask followed her out of the den, but then turned towards the Oak Tree. Nervousness swirled in her belly at the thought of delivering the bad news to Sedgestar, but it didn't slow her steps as she reached the earthen tunnel at the roots.
"Sedgestar?" she called softly into the den. "Sedgestar, it's urgent."
Only a heartbeat later, Sedgestar's brown striped head emerged from the dim tunnel, his eyes darting from side to side as if he expected to see enemies swarming in through the thorny walls. Frostmask took a quick step back from the entrance, narrowly avoiding him bowling her over as he rushed from the den. There, Sedgestar finished his scan of the camp, as if finally satisfied that ShadowClan was not in immediate mortal peril, before he turned his gaze onto Frostmask.
"What is it?" he asked briskly.
From over his shoulder, Frostmask could spot Emberflower peering at her from the entrance of the tunnel, her green eyes curious.
"G—Grovepelt has gotten very sick," Frostmask stammered, somehow feeling very much like a young apprentice wilting under her leader's scrutiny as she explained a mistake she made, even though logically, of course, she knew Grovepelt's illness was in no way her fault. "I think you should be with him."
Sedgestar's ears flattened against his head as his brow furrowed.
"Sick? How sick?" he demanded.
"Very. I think," Frostmask said, her ears twisting back as well. "Elmclaw said he took a sudden turn earlier."
Sedgestar's eyes widened, and something like panic flashed in them for a moment before he whirled on his heel and sprinted towards the medicine cat's den.
"Oh no." Emberflower's eyes were eyes round with concern as she padded out of the tunnel. "…Sedgestar will not take this well," she added in a murmur, seemingly half to herself.
Frostmask glanced over at the older warrior, hoping for guidance.
"I tried to help," she said, a touch desperately. "I got Clearstream to see if she could help Elmclaw, but she says there's nothing to be done. But, she's been with Grovepelt, and I woke Pineshade… Is there anyone else? Clearstream said that we… we should be prepared to say goodbye."
"No. You've done well," Emberflower purred reassuringly, brushing her muzzle against Frostmask's head, and Frostmask relaxed for a heartbeat. "We should go to them too."
Frostmask nodded, and she shadowed Emberflower to the den.
As they followed Sedgestar inside, Frostmask was surprised to see him hanging back in the cave, but then she realized that was because Pineshade was still speaking with Grovepelt. She stood over Grovepelt's nest, her eye shut and head bent down so her forehead pressed to Grovepelt's. Grovepelt murmured something to her too low for Frostmask to understand, but Pineshade nodded sightly, her forehead still touching Grovepelt's. She then pulled her head back and straightened, her eye opening so she could gaze down at him.
"You've got a good heart, Pineshade. Never forget that," Grovepelt rasped, his voice thin but now clear enough to reach Frostmask's ears.
Pineshade whispered something to him too quiet for Frostmask to catch, then turned, padding towards the cave's exit. As she went to brush past Frostmask, Frostmask flicked her tail out, touching it to Pineshade's side to stop her.
"I don't think you have to leave," Frostmask whispered.
Pineshade gazed straight ahead, not meeting her eye.
"I can't… I don't want to be here when it happens," she whispered in a hoarse voice, an edge of shame in her words.
Frostmask's heart twisted for her friend. Although Grovepelt had been a valuable source of support and advice for Frostmask, as he'd been for many of her clan-mates, he was so much more for Pineshade. Frostmask knew without a doubt that he'd played an indispensable role in shaping Pineshade from an unruly and temperamental apprentice, to the much more patient and thoughtful warrior she was today. Frostmask pressed her muzzle into Pineshade's dark-furred shoulder reassuringly.
"Do what makes you comfortable," she whispered to Pineshade. "Whatever you do, Grovepelt knows how much you care about him."
Pineshade nodded hard, her shoulders hunching, and then she walked out of the den. Frostmask turned back towards Grovepelt to see that Sedgestar had taken Pineshade's place at Grovepelt's head. Sedgestar was gazing down at Grovepelt with an unreadable look on his face.
"I'm glad you're here," Grovepelt rasped, stirring slightly.
"Grovepelt…" Sedgestar began in a low voice.
Grovepelt lifted a trembling paw and placed it on Sedgestar's, silencing him.
"Allow me to speak. I don't know how much time I have left," Grovepelt whispered. "I've had a long life. A good life. And, you've been such an important part of that. I am so proud of you, Sedgestar. I couldn't be more honored to call you my son, even if we shared blood. You have accomplished so much for ShadowClan, and I know you will do so much more even after I'm gone."
Sedgestar's shoulders stiffened, and he ducked his head.
"But, I can't do this without you," Sedgestar rasped, his voice very young and vulnerable for a moment.
Frostmask blinked, silently stunned at the admission from Sedgestar; it hardly sounded like the leader she thought she knew. Sedgestar had many facets, but she'd never seen him appear so… weak.
Immediately, Frostmask's ear-tips burnt with shame at that thought.
She shouldn't be so callous towards her leader. Although Sedgestar could be ruthless, ultimately, he was a cat too, like any other, who cared deeply for the ones he loved.
Frostmask gave her ears a small shake, mentally scolding herself.
He has every right to be upset.
"You can," Grovepelt responded to Sedgestar, surprisingly firm despite his frail state. "You're not the same young leader you once were. You haven't needed me for a long time. Much longer than you realize."
Sedgestar pressed his forehead to Grovepelt's, screwing his eyes shut.
"I've always needed you, Grovepelt," he rasped. "Please don't die."
Grovepelt didn't respond, only sighing softly. Sedgestar's eyes opened, and he stepped closer to him and lowered himself to the ground. Then as delicately as a mother wrapping herself around her newborns, Sedgestar curled himself around Grovepelt and rested his chin on his shoulder. Even though Sedgestar was not a massive cat, Grovepelt's body had wasted so much, he looked as small and fragile as a baby bird cradled next to him. Sedgestar bent his head to press his nose into Grovepelt's fur, and Grovepelt's flanks shivered under his muzzle as his body struggled to inhale breath.
"My son… Sedgestar…" Grovepelt whispered, his voice fading as his eyelids drooped closed. "Don't be frightened. Even when you can't see me, I will always walk beside you…"
Sedgestar closed his eyes as well, simply holding Grovepelt. And, he continued to hold him, even long after Grovepelt's flanks had stilled.
Frostmask bowed her head, a great wave of grief crashing in her chest. Clearstream stepped towards Grovepelt, placing an ear on his chest before shaking her head to confirm what everyone in the den already knew.
"Goodbye old friend," Clearstream whispered as she pressed her muzzle to Grovepelt's forehead. "May StarClan light your path."
Frostmask lifted her gaze, waiting to see if Sedgestar would arise and go announce Grovepelt's passing to the Clan. But, Sedgestar didn't move from next to Grovepelt, or even open his eyes; not even when Emberflower padded to his side and supportively laid her tail over his back. Elmclaw walked over to Frostmask, his steps slow and his gaze hollow with defeat.
"You should call the clan," he whispered to her.
Frostmask's ears pricked in surprise. For a moment, she wanted to protest, but the urge died as she again caught a glimpse of Sedgestar's grieving state.
Elmclaw is right. We shouldn't disturb him.
Frostmask took a deep breath, summoning her strength. She nodded to Elmclaw and turned to pad out of the den, her paws dragging with grief and reluctance to tell all of ShadowClan the terrible news. Elmclaw followed her out, and when she emerged from the cave, she saw that a few cats were now out in camp. Pineshade was still there, and it looked like she'd awoken some others—Autumnleap, Poolcloud, Murmurstep, Rowanheart, Snakeeyes, Redclaw, and Weaseltail were also sitting near her, and gazing at Frostmask solemnly. Frostmask knew that Pineshade would have probably gotten Dewleaf too, if she wasn't with her kits. Regardless though, everyone would know soon enough.
"Wake everyone," Frostmask rasped. "We have an announcement to make."
Most of them sprung to their paws, quick to obey, except for Pineshade. Instead, her expression crumpled with grief, and she bowed her head, her pelt spiking, and her claws unsheathing to dig into the ground. Murmurstep gently rasped her tongue over one of Pineshade's ears in a comforting gesture before padding towards the nursery to alert the cats there, and Poolcloud followed her. Redclaw took Murmurstep's place by Pineshade, supportively pressing her pelt against her daughter's side and remaining next to her. Weaseltail, Snakeeyes, and Rowanheart split the warriors' den and the elders' between them, calling for their clan-mates to come out, while Autumnleap padded over to Frostmask, his amber eyes round with worry.
"Are you okay?" he whispered. "Pineshade said… I can't believe he's gone."
Frostmask shook her head slightly.
"I'm okay," she muttered. "But… yeah. Elmclaw and I will tell everyone in a moment."
Autumnleap nodded, giving her a quick lick on her cheek before he turned, leaving only Elmclaw and Frostmask at the foot of the Clanrock. Autumnleap headed over to join Poolcloud and Dewleaf in front of the nursery, blocking the view of the curious kits peering out of the entrance behind them. By now the camp was full of cats as everyone emerged from the dens— even Cricketsong and Hollowshade had entered back in camp.
Everyone seemed to sense that something important had occurred since no one demanded answers for why they'd been shaken so rudely from their nests. In fact, there was hardly any speaking at all; most cats just gazed at her in silence, waiting for her to explain what was going on.
Although the emotion was dampened by grief, some nerves still swirled in Frostmask's stomach from the intensity of all their gazes. This was the first time that she's made any sort of announcement in front of the entire clan. She glanced over at Elmclaw, hoping he'd want to speak first, but he just nodded at her to go. Frostmask steeled herself and stepped forward.
"I'm sorry to wake you all, but I have very terrible news," she said, doing her best to project her voice enough that it reached through all parts of the camp. "Just a few moments ago, Grovepelt passed away."
Immediately, gasps echoed through the clearing, punctuated by a few mournful yowls. Frostmask bowed her head, her own grief closing her throat and threatening to choke out her voice. But, even if she could physically speak, she found herself unable to as all of her words dried up on her tongue. What was she supposed to say now? Should she validate her clan-mates' grief? Comfort them? Tell them how it happened?
Her muscles loosened a fraction as Elmclaw stepped forward to her side.
"His infection grew too strong for him to fight off," Elmclaw said in a low, sorrowful voice, forcing the camp to quiet to hear him. "Sedgestar was at his side when he died and is still in the cave now. We will prepare his body for his vigil, and hold his death ceremony as soon as the light of StarClan is above us."
Sad murmurs rose from the crowd again, and cats began to huddle together for comfort as they waited for the vigil to begin, speaking to each other in soft, mournful tones. Elmclaw turned and disappeared back into the den, but Frostmask remained outside. It wasn't long before Elmclaw reemerged from the den, carrying Grovepelt with Sedgestar's help. The fragrant scent of mint and lavender drifted over to her, masking the smell of death and of the infection that had killed him. Grovepelt's shoulder was still bandaged, hiding the wound from view, although the herbs and cobwebs were purely decorative now.
Grovepelt's body was placed in the center of the clearing, and immediately, cats flocked to his side. In fact, so many clan-mates wanted to share-tongues and final words with him, it quickly became clear that some would have to wait to allow others to cycle through. However, Sedgestar was given a permanent position at Grovepelt's head, where he crouched, still silent and his eyes downcast.
Frostmask hung a bit further back from the main group around Grovepelt's body. She'd gotten the chance to speak with Grovepelt when he'd still been alive. It seemed only fair that her clan-mates who weren't able to do that got to be the first to tell him goodbye now. Clearstream stood about a tail-length away from her, hanging back as well and gazing out at the vigil and the procession of cats that waited for their turn to be with Grovepelt.
"ShadowClan has lost one of its finest warriors," Clearstream murmured to seemingly no one in particular. "And, Silverpelt will gain one of its brightest stars."
"He was more than a deputy," Rowanheart broke in, his voice rough with grief as he lifted his head from where he crouched at Grovepelt's side. "He was like kin. Not just to me, but for everyone. All of ShadowClan was his family."
Murmurs of agreement rose up from the crowd of cats.
"He was the first cat to teach me a hunting crouch, when I was just a kit," Redclaw whispered, her green eyes welling with emotion.
"He always had the best stories and advice," Mosspounce added, hanging her head. "It didn't even matter how silly your problem was. He always wanted to help."
More meows of agreement echoed through the camp.
"There was this one time when I was a kit, I tried to climb to the top of the Oak Tree. But, I got stuck, of course, on the very first branch," Thornheart said, and although his shoulders were hunched with grief, there was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. "I was too proud to call for help, but I was petrified of climbing down. It was Grovepelt who noticed my predicament. Instead of just hauling me down though, he climbed up to the branch next to me, and asked me what I was doing. I didn't want to tell him that I needed help, so I just said that I wanted to be there. He asked me if that was true, and I admitted that I was stuck, but I was trying to be brave. He asked me if I wanted his help to get down, and I finally said yes. He carried me down from the tree, and then he told me 'There is no bravery in recklessness. But, there is bravery in vulnerability, and you were very brave today.'"
Soft, affectionate purrs rose from the crowd, and despite her sorrow, a purr vibrated in Frostmask's throat too. For the first time in a while, ShadowClan felt like one again— completely united. Although, there was its own sort of tragedy to the fact that it took the loss of a beloved member to bind the Clan back together.
"His wisdom touched everyone he spoke to," Larkfoot said in a soft voice.
"He guided us through many seasons of hardship with calm confidence," Darkpelt rumbled.
"He was one of the bravest warriors I've met," Dustleap added.
"He taught us patience and nobility," Yewstorm murmured, wrapping his silver-striped tail around himself for comfort.
"He never gave up on you, no matter what," Pineshade rasped, staring at Grovepelt's body with a pained expression.
After Pineshade spoke, the camp quieted, and everyone it seemed turned at the same time to glance at Sedgestar to hear what he had to say. He had been as quiet and still as a cat carved from stone the whole while the others were talking. He was still gazing down at Grovepelt now, but slowly, he lifted his eyes as the silence in the camp stretched on.
"Grovepelt…" Sedgestar rasped in a hoarse voice. "Grovepelt meant more to me… to ShadowClan, than words could ever express."
Abruptly, Sedgestar jerked to his paws.
"Excuse me. I'm sorry…" he rasped. "Please continue the vigil."
He turned and without another word vanished into his den, leaving the camp silently gazing after him.
Worry swirled in Frostmask's belly.
…Should she go talk to him? Was that part of her deputy duties? Deputies were supposed to support their leaders in times of strife, right?
Her gaze ended up meeting with Clearstream's, who seemed to read the questions in her eyes and gave her a tiny nod of encouragement. Taking a deep breath, Frostmask padded after Sedgestar, slipping into the tunnel that led down to his den. When she stepped into his den proper, she found Sedgestar sitting in his nest, staring down at his paws. But, his ears jolted up in surprise as he noticed her.
"Oh. Frostmask," he rasped. "I wasn't expecting you."
"I can leave if you want," Frostmask murmured, hesitating in the tunnel.
Sedgestar gave his head a small shake.
"No. It's alright," he muttered.
Frostmask nodded and stepped into his den before taking a seat. Sedgestar had gone back to emptily staring down at his feet. Frostmask busied herself with carefully wrapping her tail around her paws as the awkward silence continued to hang in the air. Sedgestar was the one who broke it.
"It's my fault you know."
Frostmask's brow furrowed in confusion.
"What is?" she asked.
Sedgestar didn't lift his gaze from his paws, but his jaw clenched in anguish.
"I should have never brought Grovepelt to that battle," Sedgestar growled. "I knew he was too old to fight, but I… I don't know what I was thinking."
Frostmask's ear twitched, uncertainty flickering in her.
She wasn't sure if that was actually true. Grovepelt had been old yes, but he'd still been strong and in good physical shape prior to the battle in which he'd been wounded. And, knowing the hesitance that Sedgestar had always displayed when it came to bringing Grovepelt to battles, Grovepelt had probably wanted to fight for ShadowClan. Frostmask wouldn't be surprised if he had asked for it explicitly.
"There's no changing it now," Sedgestar muttered, continuing before Frostmask could respond. "But, everything would be different if I'd just made a different choice."
Grovepelt would still be alive. And, probably still be deputy instead of me.
Frostmask shifted her paws. She was almost surprised that she didn't start sinking into the ground from the weight of grief for Grovepelt pressing on her back, and the disappointment in herself tugging her down by her feet.
As stupid as it sounded, it still was a bit of a blow to hear, out loud, that Sedgestar would prefer that she wasn't his deputy. But, what right did she have to be upset about it? If she could change the past, wouldn't she also want Grovepelt to be alive, healthy, and deputy? Of course she wanted that. So, how could she both not want to be deputy, but still want Sedgestar to want her as deputy?
Frostmask shook her ears, pushing her confusing, conflicting emotions from her mind.
"I'm very sorry," Frostmask muttered finally. "I know I will never be able to replace Grovepelt… but I will try to make him proud."
"…Thank you, Frostmask," Sedgestar rasped, lifting his eyes and blinking up at her.
Frostmask's ears pricked at the sound of paw-steps coming down the tunnel. Emberflower entered into the den, and Frostmask rose to her feet to depart, dipping her head to her and Sedgestar. Emberflower would do a much better job at comforting Sedgestar than Frostmask could anyway.
"I'll leave you now," Frostmask murmured, turning and exiting the den.
Frostmask emerged back into a camp that was just as dark and depressing as the den she'd left. Grovepelt's vigil was continuing, but it had lost the sense of community that it had earlier. Without that to take the edge off, undiluted pain hung in the air as dense as fog.
Cats were now still and silent rather than sharing their fond memories of Grovepelt with each other, and instead of being tightly grouped around Grovepelt's body, her clan-mates had dispersed throughout the camp. Whatever fragile connection that had bonded them back together was gone, and they'd returned to their own little factions.
Frostmask sighed softly to herself, gazing out upon her divided clan.
Sedgestar is at least right about one thing. Everything is different, and nothing can go back to the way it was before.
Author's Note: This chapter was hard for me to get through. My childhood cat very suddenly passed away while I was in the middle of writing it. But, I hope that like Grovepelt, my girl has gone to join her old friends, and they're enjoying their reunion by lying in warm patches of sunshine and watching the birds go by. This chapter is dedicated to her— A fierce huntress, a faithful friend, and the sweetest kitty that a two-leg could ever hope for.
Thank you all for reading and for your reviews, I really appreciate them.