As the clan meeting broke up, Sedgestar named that cats who would attend the gathering tonight— Emberflower, Dustleap, Leafbreeze, Dampfang, Poolcloud, Autumnleap, Mosspounce, Cedarfur, Hollowshade, and Cricketsong— and Frostmask took advantage of her already gathered clan-mates to organize the morning's patrols. It was only after everything had been sorted, with border patrols given careful warnings to keep an eye out on both the ThunderClan and WindClan borders, that Frostmask was finally able to properly reflect on what had just happened. And, that meant speaking with Autumnleap, who had patiently waited for her as she finished her morning duties.
Although Autumnleap didn't look upset, Frostmask's stomach still twisted with nerves as she padded over to him. Autumnleap arched a brow.
"So…?" he began.
"I know," Frostmask said, bowing her head slightly. "It's a lot. And, all at once. But, I couldn't let them get rid of them."
Autumnleap's head tilted to the side.
"I know," he said simply. "I'm not mad about it… just a bit caught off guard. It'll be an adjustment, and I do wish we'd gotten the chance to talk about it beforehand. But, I think once everything settles in, I'll be excited."
Frostmask gazed up at him, her nervousness fading as instead gratitude stretched through her from nose to tail-tip.
"Thank you for speaking up like that," she murmured. "You didn't have to."
"I did have to, actually," Autumnleap said, his brow furrowing. "I wouldn't make you do this alone."
Frostmask blinked, her ears twisting back in confusion.
"But, they aren't really your kits," she said.
Autumnleap's whiskers twitched with dry amusement.
"Uh, did you hear Sedgestar? They are really my kits now," he said, his voice lightly teasing.
His amber gaze softened.
"They're really your kits now too," he added. "…I think we picked good names for them."
Warmth blossomed in Frostmask's chest and a purr rose her throat.
"I think so too," she murmured, delicately touching her nose to his. "Maybe we can talk more about this later? I think we should go see them now."
Autumnleap nodded sagely.
"Yes. Get properly introduced as their parents," he said, and despite his jokingly serious tone, a spark of genuine excitement appeared in his eyes.
They padded over to the nursery and entered inside after calling out a quick greeting to announce their presence. Amberberry was out in camp with her older litter and Larkfoot, but Dewleaf was still in the den with the rest of the kits.
"I was wondering when you two would show up," Dewleaf said, her grey tail looped loosely around Newtkit and Mistkit as they napped near her belly, while her kits played on the other side of the den, swatting and pouncing on each other.
But, as soon as Sprucekit spotted Frostmask and Autumnleap, she disengaged with wrestling with Fogkit and bounded over to them instead.
"Mom says that you're gonna be the parents of the new kits now!" Sprucekit said, her eyes round with excitement.
"Why do they get new parents?" Fogkit asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.
"Yeah," Mudkit added as he trotted up to Frostmask and Autumnleap. "Will we get new parents now?"
Autumnleap's eyes crinkled in amusement as he ducked his head down to be eye-level with Mudkit.
"Do you want parents that aren't Dewleaf or Poolcloud?" he asked solemnly.
From across the den, Lichenkit's muzzle whipped around towards Autumnleap, her eyes round with outrage.
"No!" she broke in, giving a vehement stomp of her paw for emphasis.
An affectionate purr rose in Frostmask's throat. Despite Lichenkit's often seemingly aloof demeanor, no cat could argue the love she had for her parents.
Mudkit, though, was a bit more contemplative about Autumnleap's question, thinking over it for a moment, but he still shook his head.
"No," he chirped. "Just wondering."
"Then the good news is that you won't be getting new parents," Dewleaf said, her whiskers twitching in amusement. "You're stuck with me and Poolcloud forever."
"But, why do they need new parents?" Fogkit insisted, flicking his tail towards Mistkit and Newtkit, his irritation that no one had answered his question growing.
Frostmask's brow furrowed as the warmth in her chest dimmed.
"Newtkit and Mistkit don't… have other parents anymore," she began slowly.
When Frostmask was a young kit, death had been ever-present, shadowing her littermates and mother like an extra family member. But, Poolcloud's and Dewleaf's kits had been born in new-leaf turning to green-leaf, when ShadowClan was strong and healthy. They had lived through Grovepelt's death, yes, but she wasn't sure if they had known him well enough for it to have made a lasting impression on them.
Lichenkit's, Sprucekit's, Fogkit's, and Mudkit's gazes all turned to her, their innocent eyes round with curiosity.
"Their mom is gone. Dead," Frostmask continued, her ears flattening as she did her best to explain what had happened as gently as possible. "And, we don't know where their dad is, or even who he is. Or if he's alive."
"Oh." Sprucekit's brow furrowed, and her tail drooped as her excitement faded. "…That's sad."
"It is," Dewleaf said in a soft voice as she gazed at her kit. "But, Mistkit and Newtkit have Frostmask and Autumnleap to take care of them now, and they will do a really good job. Don't you think?"
All four of the litter nodded hard, giving mrrows and purrs of agreement, and Frostmask's heart lightened. She felt oddly honored by the young kits' approval.
Dewleaf rose to her paws, delicately stepping over Newtkit and Mistkit, who both stirred faintly as the warm side that had been against them vanished.
"You two should spend some time with them," Dewleaf said, blinking at Frostmask and Autumnleap.
Frostmask nodded, moving around Dewleaf and drifting towards the kits seemingly without needing to tell her paws to move. It was like there was a physical pull between them and her, as natural as a pinecone tumbling to the earth when it was dislodged from a branch. Autumnleap however, lingered next to Dewleaf for a moment longer, looking uncharacteristically shy as he shifted from paw to paw.
"I'm not sure if you heard at the clan meeting," he began to Dewleaf, his voice wavering a bit nervously. "But, I offered to help care for the kits a bit more when Frostmask is busy. Which might involve staying here in the nursery with them, overnight or something. I mean, I don't want to intrude into your, the queens', space if you don't want—"
"Oh Autumnleap, of course you can stay in the nursery!" Larkfoot's voice suddenly cut in as the senior queen's head poked into the den. "I mean, Amberberry and I helped bring you up! We all know you're a good lad, who's good with kits. And, I mean, Poolcloud practically lived in here when Dewleaf's kits were newborns anyway, so it would hardly seem fair to have allowed him to do that, while not allowing you to do the same."
Dewleaf nodded in agreement.
"Relax," she purred, touching her tail-tip to Autumnleap's shoulder reassuringly. "You're welcome here. And, I'm sure my litter will also be so happy to have you around more often."
That caught the kits' attention.
"Wait! What? Autumnleap is coming to live with us?!" Mudkit asked, rocking up and down on his toes as his brown-splotched pelt rippled with excitement.
"Yay!" Fogkit yowled, pouncing on Autumnleap's fluffy auburn tail and giving the tip a big chomp for emphasis.
Although Autumnleap winced as Fogkit thoroughly attacked his tail, he also purred loudly.
"Wonderful," he purred through a grimace. "I won't have any fur left on my tail when I leave."
Dewleaf gave a wry meow.
"You and me both," she said, rolling her eyes.
Sprucekit prodded at Dewleaf's side with a paw.
"Can Pineshade come too, with Frostmask and Autumnleap?" she asked, gazing up at her mother with eager eyes.
"I don't think so. We shouldn't invite the entire warriors' den in here," Dewleaf answered, her whiskers twitching with dry amusement.
Sprucekit's face briefly fell with disappointment.
"Kits!" Larkfoot called. "Why don't you come on out and give Frostmask and Autumnleap some peace and quiet with the little ones for a bit?"
Dewleaf nodded in agreement and got to work herding her kits towards the den's exit with nudges of her muzzle. But, it took hardly any cajoling to convince them to play outside in the warm green-leaf day. In only a matter of moments, Dewleaf and the kits were gone, although Frostmask could still hear the kittens' paw-steps thundering outside the den— disproportionately loud for their size— as they scampered about.
For a moment, Frostmask and Autumnleap just stood in the relative silence of the den before Frostmask took the plunge of delicately settling in next to Mistkit and Newtkit. She tensed as the kits twitched, mewing softly at the disturbance when she curled around them. But, after only a heartbeat, the kittens settled back down and crawled towards her side before falling back into a deeper sleep, pressed into her long pelt.
Frostmask released a slow breath, her taunt shoulders relaxing.
"Newtkit didn't protest this time," she murmured. "I think they remember me."
"They better," Autumnleap said with a purr, taking a seat nearby. "But, even if they don't totally know us yet, they will soon enough."
"They're so young." Frostmask's gaze swept over Mistkit's tufts of downy fur as his tiny sides rose and fell with even breaths. "When they're older, they won't even remember any of this— not coming here… Not their birth mother."
Autumnleap nodded, his brow furrowed thoughtfully as he stared down at the kits in silence for a few moments.
"…It's convincing," he said suddenly.
Frostmask's ears pricked in surprise.
"What is?" she asked, glancing up at him.
He nodded down at the kits, and Frostmask followed his gaze.
"That they were born to us," Autumnleap meowed. "Newtkit, she's got ginger like me. I mean, Redclaw's even a tortoiseshell too. And, Mistkit, well, he's grey like you are. If they grew up without knowing, do you think they could even guess that we aren't their birth-parents?"
Newtkit squirmed a bit, ruffling her black-and-orange patched fur, and Frostmask gently brushed her tail down her back to flatten it again.
"…They have to know," Frostmask muttered, still gazing at the kits. "They deserve to know the truth."
"But, do you think they could be happier if they didn't?" Autumnleap prompted.
Frostmask's stomach twisted. But, when she glanced up at Autumnleap, her brow furrowed deeply, he lifted a paw in a pacifying gesture.
"You're the one who grew up knowing that you weren't born in ShadowClan, so whatever you decide, I'll be perfectly content with," he continued. "I just wanted to bring up that point. I know there were times when you felt like you didn't belong here. They may too, unless they think they were born here…"
Frostmask sighed, her gaze lowering to the kits again. "I see your point, but we can't lie to them. It's not our place to take their heritage from them, even if there are cats here who find that heritage… less than ideal. And, besides, that's a whole other reason why they need to know the truth. The entire clan knows— someone will tell them. It's far better for it to be us than Dampfang."
Autumnleap huffed with humorless amusement.
"True," he said, settling down into a crouch and lowering his chin to the ground so that his nose was less that a whisker's length from the kits. "Alright. Then we'll tell them, when they're old enough to understand."
Frostmask nodded, and then the branches of the thorn bush rustled when Poolcloud suddenly stuck his head inside.
"Hello! Do you guys want some company?" he asked, his amber eyes bright as he blinked at Autumnleap and Frostmask, but his gaze quickly tracked down towards the kits. "I mean, only if you're up to taking visitors…"
"You're being far too passively polite, as usual Poolcloud," Pineshade's sharp voice cut in from somewhere behind him before Autumnleap or Frostmask could even reply. "Stand aside."
Poolcloud blinked in offense, but Pineshade was already squeezing around his bulk, ruffling her spiky pelt even more than usual in the process as she barged into the den.
"Alright. Let's see the little lumps that got the whole of ShadowClan's tails in a twist," she declared, striding towards Frostmask and Autumnleap.
"Pineshade!" Poolcloud hissed scoldingly, slipping in after her. "You didn't even give them a chance to respond! They may want to rest."
"It's alright I suppose," Frostmask spoke up. "I mean the kits are sleeping, but since you're already here…"
"Good!" Pineshade blinked smugly. "You won't be resting for a while anyway. I'm sure Redclaw and Weaseltail will be in here as soon as they get the chance. Snakeeyes and Murmurstep seemed quite curious about the litter as well. And, I'm sure Lizardstrike will want to look in at them at some point too."
Autumnleap huffed.
"Why don't we just hold a clan meeting in the nursery then?" he asked drily.
Pineshade flicked her tail teasingly against his flank.
"May as well. You already had one meeting about the kits, why not another?" she retorted with a roll of her eye. "StarClan. And, I thought Poolcloud and Dewleaf were dramatic about their kits."
"Excuse me?" Poolcloud asked, his brow furrowing in mock offense as he padded up to her side.
Pineshade slid her gaze over to him, looking over out of the very corner of her eye.
"Don't get me wrong, I love the little scoundrels. But, when they were first born, the way you talked about them would make a cat think that the four of them were StarClan's chosen." Pineshade chuffed. "But, at least you haven't dragged the entire clan into discussing them at a meeting like Frostmask and Autumnleap did!"
"It was Sedgestar who wanted to hold a clan meeting," Frostmask grumbled, her tail-tip flicking. "He wanted to gauge the opinion of the clan before deciding to let Newtkit and Mistkit in or not."
Pineshade dislodged Frostmask's factual response with a flick of her ears. "Whatever. Now are you gonna show them to us or what?"
Frostmask glanced down and realized her tail had instinctively curled protectively around the kittens at Pineshade and Poolcloud's appearance, hiding them from sight. But, at Pineshade's prompting, she swept it away to reveal Newtkit and Mistkit's peacefully sleeping forms.
"Ooo! They're adorable!" Poolcloud cooed immediately, dipping his head to get a closer look.
"Their names fit them well." Pineshade's tone was far less overtly fawning than Poolcloud's, but even her face had softened. "Look at Newtkit's little spots."
"Her spots are so cute!" Poolcloud rumbled in enthusiastic agreement. "And Mistkit's fluffy coat!"
"They'll be strong warriors," Autumnleap said, gazing down at the kits again too. "Newtkit's got a lot of fire. And, Mistkit is stubborn. He was weaker than her when we found them, but he held on and he's doing well now."
"I can't wait until they get a bit older, and then they can play with my litter!" Poolcloud purred, his eyes shining. "It'll be so wonderful!"
Frostmask purred too, Poolcloud's words bringing forth a rush of images in her mind for a perfect future for the kits.
Despite Pineshade's earlier snide comments, she and Poolcloud seemed to understand that they shouldn't stay too long, so they soon gave their goodbyes and slipped from the den. But, as they left, Frostmask's thoughts continued to whirl as she imagined what the coming moons would have in store for Mistkit and Newtkit.
Like Poolcloud said, they would become close friends with his and Dewleaf's kits, of course, and have a wonderful time in the nursery. Then Frostmask would help Sedgestar pick out their mentors when it was time. Who would train them? Maybe she needed to see their personalities a bit more to figure out who would be the best fit, but Pineshade had already proved herself to be an excellent mentor to Cricketsong. And, Frostmask knew Poolcloud would be a great one too with his gentle, guiding encouragement…
Frostmask blinked, pulling herself from from her thoughts as reality set back in. She knew she shouldn't be too idealistic, and it was a bit silly to start planning out the kittens' perfect futures before they'd even opened their eyes. The kits would have struggles too, especially with cats like Dampfang in ShadowClan, and the threats they were currently facing from outside the clan.
Frostmask's gaze turned towards the nursery entrance as she tried to picture what was going on in ThunderClan and WindClan right now. Was WindClan actually planning some kind of attack because of her appointment to deputy? Was Morningstar really so easily influenced that the other leaders had turned him against ShadowClan completely? And, what about RiverClan? Willowstar was always such an enigma…
Why can't they all just leave ShadowClan alone?
"Do you need to go?" Autumnleap asked, seemingly sensing her restlessness.
Frostmask's ears flattened guiltily as she glanced over at Autumnleap. She'd only been in the nursery for a little while, and yet her worries about ShadowClan's situation had already pulled her thoughts far from Newtkit and Mistkit.
"I feel like I should be doing something," she admitted, lowering her gaze to the kits again. "ThunderClan and WindClan have been making me anxious. And, of course taking care of Mistkit and Newtkit is important… But, lying here does feel kind of wrong while the rest of the clan is checking the border and hunting and everything."
"I can't say that I'm surprised," Autumnleap meowed drily. "You've been so busy that we've hardly had much time to spend together. I didn't expect that you'd be in the nursery for long."
Frostmask's gaze flashed to him, and her ears pressed even lower to her head. Autumnleap's words stuck a nerve, likely more than he'd intended, and guilt flooded her, although the feeling was also tinged with righteous indignation.
It's not my fault! I never wanted this— to be deputy! I'm just trying to do my best with the situation I'm stuck in!
"I'm sorry," Frostmask muttered. "I hadn't wanted—"
"Don't apologize," Autumnleap gently interrupted. "I understand why, even if I don't like it. That's why I suggested I help you with the kits in the first place."
His whiskers twitched with rueful humor. "You've got a duty to ShadowClan, and I respect that, despite the fact that I'd prefer to have your attention all to myself and the kits."
Frostmask sighed, her gaze downcast.
"Sometimes I think I'd prefer that too," she muttered. "Being deputy is just so much work! Especially with seemingly all the other clans breathing down our necks…"
Autumnleap leaned forward, gently brushing his cheek to hers.
"Tensions won't always be this high," he reassured.
Frostmask blinked doubtfully.
But there will always be something! If it's not the other clans, it'll be a predator, or lack of prey, or two-legs… And, it'll always be all my responsibility to figure out how we survive it!
Frostmask gave her head a small shake, trying to knock away the thoughts.
I shouldn't be so selfish. We all contribute to taking care of each other, and all of ShadowClan is relying on me to do this role. Autumnleap, my friends, these kits— my kits— are.
She dipped her head, grooming Mistkit's and Newtkit's pelts for a moment as Autumnleap twitched his ears towards the den's exit.
"Why don't you go out now then, and I'll stay with them," he suggested. "You'll be watching them all night while I'm at the gathering anyway, so may as well get your restlessness out now."
Relief that Autumnleap understood flooded through her, and once Frostmask was done flattening their kits' fur to her liking, she leaned forward to tuck her head under Autumnleap's chin, taking a moment to just shelter against him.
"Thank you," she breathed. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Autumnleap simply rumbled a deep purr in response, his chest vibrating against her cheek.
After Frostmask slipped out the nursery, she immediately headed for the camp's exit. She emerged into the forest, ready to trot off and burn off her anxious energy with a hunt or by joining one of the border patrols, but her paws slowed as she caught the sound of a familiar harsh tone. Her brow furrowing, Frostmask pricked her ears, rotating them to better pick up the sound. She was too far away to make out the words, but she could decipher it as Dampfang's voice, and the other voice that responded to him, sharp with anger, was unmistakably Pineshade.
Frostmask's initial urge was just to turn aside and walk away— leaving them to sort out whatever fight they were having for the hundredth time. But, then a stronger urge swept over her, fueled by a powerful, incessant curiosity, and she found herself crouched down and creeping towards their arguing voices as silently as if she was stalking prey.
Slinking around the wide trunk of a pine tree, Frostmask paused when their voices came to her again, albeit much louder and clearer this time.
"You can't seriously think wasting food on those rogue-spawn is a good idea," Dampfang was snarling.
Frostmask tensed, hot anger knotting in her belly as her heart began hammering.
They're arguing about the kits?
"For the last time," Pineshade said, her voice strained as if she was grinding out the words from between her fangs. "Their names are Newtkit and Mistkit, and they're my kin now so watch your tongue, snake-heart."
Frostmask crept forward until she could peer cautiously around the trunk. With the dense pines and deep shadows, she could only catch a few glimpses of the pair in the distance, but she was still able to make out Pineshade's raised hackles and Dampfang's lashing tail stirring up the dried, brown pine needles on the ground beneath him.
"'Kin?'" Dampfang echoed with a hiss of shock. "You want to claim relation to them?"
"Well Autumnleap is going to be their father, isn't he?" Pineshade fired back.
Dampfang snarled with exasperation, his claws tearing up the peaty earth.
"This is absurd. What in StarClan's name happened to you?" Dampfang snapped.
"What happened to me?" The pitch and volume of Pineshade's voice rose with her indignation. "What happened to you? You've become so hateful."
Dampfang's only response was the prolonged rumble of a growl. Pineshade sighed heavily, and Frostmask saw her bristling fur flattening.
"Or maybe you're right," Pineshade growled, this time her voice quiet enough that Frostmask had to strain her ears to hear. "Maybe I am the one who's changed, and my eyes have just been opened to how you've always been… Frostmask was right."
Frostmask's ears perked in surprise at this admittance, but Dampfang's reaction was just to grow more furious. The anger descended over him like a dark cloud, his claws flexing out and his thrashing tail picking up in speed.
"Don't speak of Frostmask to me," he spat, the words vibrating with poorly contained rage.
"I'll speak how I want," Pineshade snarled back without hesitation, her voice sharpening with outrage again. "I'm so, so tired of this, Dampfang. I'm tired of you. I've spent moons twisting myself into knots to try to make you happy, but now, I just don't care! I don't care what you think of me anymore, and I don't care if you're happy. So go on. Go be as miserable and angry and awful as you want. But, don't involve me in it because this— you and me… it's done. For good."
Frostmask tensed in shock for a moment, but her surprise was quickly washed away by a food of intense relief.
Pineshade's finally had enough!
Frostmask exhaled a deep, shaky breath, but she couldn't entirely celebrate yet. Dampfang had still not responded to Pineshade, and if Frostmask knew anything about him, he would surely not take this rejection well.
A bit of worry prickling at her paws, Frostmask slipped forward until she finally had a clear view of the two of them. Dampfang had not moved, but his lashing tail slowed until it held out still and stiff behind him. His upper lip twitched as if he was fighting back a snarl, but besides that, it was hard for Frostmask to read the emotions on his face. Pineshade's expression, however, was clear as the sun on a cloudless day, blazing with conviction as she glared up at him.
"…You don't mean that," Dampfang finally said in a dangerously low voice. "Calm down, and we'll speak again when you're not being so irrational."
At first, Pineshade made a choked, indignant noise from the back of her throat at his outright denial, as if she couldn't believe that he had actually just said such a thing. But, as Dampfang remained unyielding, Pineshade's surprise quickly gave way to anger, and the fury that carved into her features was so vehement that Frostmask might have felt pity for Dampfang— if he wasn't possibly the worst cat in the entire forest.
Her amber gaze burning, Pineshade took a single step forward, drew herself up to her full height, and tilted her chin upwards so she and Dampfang were almost nose-to-nose.
Pineshade opened her mouth slowly and spoke with careful, deliberate enunciation.
"Bite me."
With that, she whirled on her heel and stalked away, her black pelt quickly getting lost in the deep shadows of the forest. Dampfang's fur bushed out as he watched her go.
"Pineshade," he snarled wrathfully, sinking his claws into the ground.
Frostmask's gaze tracked after Pineshade, but she wasn't turning around. Not even an ear twitched back in his direction.
"…Pineshade?" Dampfang called, and this time there was less anger and more desperation to the word. "Pineshade!"
She didn't come back.
Frostmask gazed after her friend, powerful admiration welling in her chest.
But then, snarling with frustration, Dampfang whipped around and stomped off in the opposite direction from her, heading vaguely towards Frostmask.
Frostmask's admiration quickly gave way to panic, and she scrambled to duck in between the knobby roots of a nearby tree to hide, her heartbeat as rapid as a frightened rabbit's. She wasn't sure what Dampfang would do to her if he caught her eavesdropping while he was in such a state, but she at least knew she wouldn't be coming out of it with her pelt fully intact.
However, Dampfang was thankfully too wrapped up in his own anger to notice her. He stormed past Frostmask's hiding place without pause, raking his claws through a patch of ferns that blocked his path and crushing them into the mud before continuing on into the trees and disappearing from view.
Frostmask waited a few moments longer to be sure that he was truly gone. When Dampfang did not return, Frostmask squeezed out from the roots with a sigh of relief, and her gaze turned to where Pineshade disappeared.
I should make sure she's okay.
Following her fresh scent trail, Frostmask set off after her at a trot. Pineshade's scent led her away from camp, and soon the tall, straight pines were replaced by hunched, knobby sycamores as Frostmask entered into the marshier parts of ShadowClan's territory.
Brushing through tall strands of grasses and reeds, Frostmask did her best to stay on Pineshade's trail as her senses were barraged with sheer amount of life spilling out of the green-leaf marsh. Croaking frogs and buzzing insects hummed in her ears, and the sweet scents of flowers and tempting scent trails of water voles filled her nose, threatening to distract her from continuing after Pineshade.
Frostmask soldiered on, but some dismay started to build in her stomach as the sound of running water grew louder. The tall grasses and reeds finally parted as the stream came into view, the muddy-brown water gurgling contentedly as it flowed past her paws.
Pineshade's scent led straight ahead, and if that wasn't clear enough, a fresh paw-print was pressed right into the mud at the edge of the water.
Frostmask groaned, her ears flattening.
Did Pineshade seriously swim across?!
Frostmask glanced from side to side. There wasn't a single tree-bridge or set of stepping stones in sight. Frostmask could go looking for one and then keep going after Pineshade, but at that point, she'd have such a big lead from Frostmask that she'd be better off just waiting for her back at camp.
Frostmask stared hard at the still surface of the water.
The stream wasn't like how it was last green-leaf, when it had flooded over its banks and Frostmask had nearly drowned. Today it looked slow-moving, and truthfully, rather benign. A frog even hopped into it and swam across, its tiny body easily resisting the current.
Frostmask hesitantly lifted a paw, her pad hovering a couple mouse-lengths over the surface of the water.
Since that day as an apprentice when she almost died, Frostmask hadn't entered water that went deep enough to touch her belly when she stood in it, sticking only to walking through shallow puddles and streams. Anything deeper, she'd find another way across. But, maybe she'd let her fear rule her long enough. All other ShadowClan cats weren't afraid of getting their paws wet, although it was true that they didn't relish in it like RiverClan cats did. But, it was almost a necessity on territory as wet as theirs.
What if one day the marsh flooded even worse than before, and Frostmask needed to swim to survive? What if Mistkit and Newtkit were one day swept away by rapids— she'd have to know how to swim to save them like how Swoopstrike had saved her.
Her heart hammered as her toes dipped closer to the surface.
Frostmask's throat suddenly tightened as if the water was already in her mouth, strangling her. She jerked back from the edge of the stream, ever hair on her pelt screaming for her to get away from the danger. Her blood roared in her ears, her chest heaving, although it didn't seem to bring enough air to help her struggling lungs.
Frostmask stumbled away from the bank, her panic fading painfully slowly, until it eventually allowed her to regain control over her breath. She shuddered, sinking her claws into the muddy ground.
She hadn't even gotten her pelt wet, but the water had won again.
Frostmask's head jerked to the side at the sound of rustling grasses. A mud-splattered white pelt emerged from the reeds, dragging a large piece of prey between his forepaws.
Lizardstrike dropped the large rodent, blinking at Frostmask curiously. She quickly straightened, trying to wash any remnants of panic from her expression and flatten her bristling pelt.
'What's that?' she asked, slipping into paw-signing as she gestured to the piece of fresh-kill at Lizardstrike's paws.
He turned the brown-furred rodent over with a push of his paw to give Frostmask a better look.
'Muskrat.' Lizardstrike lightly brushed his paw over his nose in indication. 'It's smell made it easy to find through all the other scents.'
Frostmask gazed at the large piece of prey appreciatively, pride for her former apprentice prickling her. She'd seen an occasional muskrat lurking in the marshes, and caught their scents, but she'd never seen anyone catch one before. They were excellent swimmers and often slipped away into the water before a cat could grab them. Lizardstrike must have either been able to ambush it when it was out of the stream or he went in after it. Judging by the droplets of water and mud beaded on his pelt, it was likely the latter.
'Well done. It's so huge it'll feed nearly all the elders,' she signed.
Lizardstrike nodded his thanks, and an awkward pause fell over the pair. Since that day when Lizardstrike, Cedarfur and their other friends had decided to take on a fox, Frostmask and Lizardstrike hadn't really talked more than passing conversations here or there. He had his friends, and Frostmask had her deputy duties, which kept them both busy. Although Frostmask missed his company, there was nothing she could do if he preferred to spend his time more with other cats than with her.
'What are you doing out here?' Lizardstrike asked finally. 'I thought you didn't like the marsh.'
'I like the marsh. I don't like the water,' Frostmask corrected.
Lizardstrike's whiskers twitched with faint amusement.
'Well you're pretty close to that right now too,' he pointed out.
Frostmask shuffled her paws, her pelt starting to warm slightly with shame.
'I'm just… When I was an apprentice, Dampfang knocked me into this stream.' She nodded towards the water. 'I almost died, but Swoopstrike saved me from drowning. I've been scared of water since then. But I guess… I'm trying to get over that.'
'By getting in the water? Swimming?' Lizardstrike clarified.
Frostmask's ears flattened in embarrassment.
But, I couldn't even get myself to step in it!
She shuffled her paws.
'Something like that,' she signed.
Lizardstrike gazed at her as if he'd somehow still heard what she'd not told him. He nodded, and then he turned towards the stream, unceremoniously plunging in and splashing out a couple tail-lengths from the bank, but still close enough to the edge that he could still stand.
'I'll help you.'
The fur down Frostmask's spine started to lift.
'That's not really necessary,' she signed, scrambling for an excuse. 'I'm sure you've got other things to do…'
Lizardstrike shook his head, indicating no, he did not actually. Then he waved her over with his tail.
'Come on!'
Frostmask hesitated, her eyes locked on the rippling water's surface. She took a few slow steps back towards the stream, her muscles straining against the movement. This time she managed to place her two forepaws at the very edge of the water, but her legs started trembling so much that she quickly withdrew again.
'I don't want to,' she signed. 'I… can't.'
Lizardstrike blinked at her thoughtfully for a moment before padding back towards the bank, water streaming from his sides. He picked up the muskrat and, signing for her to follow him with a flick of his tail, he trotted into the tall grasses.
Surrendering to the fact that she would not be speaking to Pineshade right now, Frostmask followed him. His stride confident, Lizardstrike led her through the marsh until the grasses parted again when they reached a large pool. A few frogs startled at their appearance, leaping into the water and sending ripples spreading across the green-brown surface.
Lizardstrike plopped his fresh-kill back down on the ground, glancing over at Frostmask.
'This is better. No current and it's not the same stream where you fell in,' he signed.
Frostmask blinked doubtfully at the stagnant pool, taking in the algae-coated water and flicking her ears to shoo off mosquitos and nagging flies as she silently questioned Lizardstrike's word choice of 'better.'
Lizardstrike clearly had none of her same qualms since he sprung right into the water again, half-walking and half-paddling into the center of the pool.
'Come on! It's not so bad.'
Although the water masked some of his movements, Frostmask could still see enough of Lizardstrike's signs to understand, and it was helped by the fact he lifted his tail and forepaws above the water's surface.
Frostmask swept a critical glance over the pool. Where Lizardstrike was in the center, presumably the deepest part, she could tell he was still able to touch the ground. At least, he could balance on his hindlegs on it enough to lift his forepaws above the surface without need for paddling. But, Frostmask was shorter than Lizardstrike, which meant if she was next to him, she'd almost certainly have to be swimming.
Frostmask hesitantly dabbed a paw at the pool, her toes skimming through the warm water and the scum that coated the surface. The dampness sticking on her fur was as unpleasant as ever, but to her relief, the water didn't trigger a rush of panic this time.
Maybe Lizardstrike is onto something with the lack of current.
Still though, every inch of her dragged with reluctance to actually get in the water.
If I stall long enough, he might get bored and give up.
Frostmask's thoughts searched for a different topic of conversation, but she didn't even have to bring one up since Lizardstrike did it for her.
'So kits, huh?' he signed, his eyes sparkling with interest as he gazed at her.
Frostmask reclined back on her haunches.
'I was wondering when you were going to ask about that,' she responded, giving a small sigh. 'Are you also going to tell me what a bad idea it is, since I'm already so busy as deputy?'
Lizardstrike made a gesture that might have been a shrug, but it was a bit hard for Frostmask to tell with all the murky water swirling around him.
'If you want them, then you should go for it and you'll figure it out. I think you'll be a good mom.'
Frostmask glanced away from Lizardstrike, her throat tightening with sudden emotion, brought on not just by Lizardstrike's faith in her, but also being able to just talk to him about things like this. She'd missed these kinds of moments.
When Frostmask managed to glance back up at Lizardstrike again, her interest sharpened as she noticed that he'd started to paddle around in lazy circles as he waited for her, his kicks cutting strongly through the water and propelling him on.
'You swim so well. How'd you learn that?' Frostmask asked.
She certainly at least hadn't taught him it. Lizardstrike slowed, swimming into a shallower part of the pool before stopping so he was able to sign again.
'Cedarfur taught me.'
Frostmask's stomach twisted at the reminder of why she and Lizardstrike had grown distant, a deep bitterness settling on her tongue.
'Does he swim in his free time between lying to me and disobeying my orders?' she asked, her tail-tip flicking with annoyance.
Lizardstrike straightened, his brilliant blue eyes suddenly bright with anger. 'You're not being fair.'
'Did I say anything that's not true?' Frostmask demanded.
Lizardstrike's lip twitched in a hint of a snarl.
'Cedarfur is a good warrior,' he signed.
Frostmask hissed in wordless irritation, her tail lashing now as emotion spurred her to her feet. Pineshade had finally broken free of Dampfang, but Frostmask and her friends still couldn't entirely escape his tendrils as Lizardstrike just seemed to fall deeper and deeper under the spell of Dampfang's apprentice. How did Lizardstrike not get it?
'He made you lie to me!' Frostmask signed.
Lizardstrike smacked his tail against the surface of the pool in anger, showering himself in water.
'All Cedarfur wanted to do was impress you by tracking down the foxes! He was rash, yes, and I see that it was a bad idea now. But his motivations were good, and he didn't make me lie to you. That was my idea. Because I'd knew you'd do this! You're so biased against him!'
Frostmask's belly rolled. Inside her, defensiveness and denial battled in equal strength against embarrassment and dismay.
Had Lizardstrike really felt like he had to lie to her?
'I— I'm not biased against him. I assign Cedarfur to the same patrols and give him the same duties as everyone else…' Frostmask signed as she struggled to defend herself.
'But you look at him like you're waiting for him to do something wrong,' Lizardstrike accused. 'You look at him like he's Dampfang. But, Cedarfur is not his mentor. He's his own cat.'
Frostmask stared at Lizardstrike, her ears and whiskers drooping as shame and dismay finally entirely won and flooded over her.
After a moment of stillness, the harsh edges of Lizardstrike's face softened as he gazed at her expression, and he started to paddle over towards her.
'I'm sorry,' Frostmask signed as she took a seat heavily on the muddy ground, not caring that it splattered all over her coat. 'I can't believe I made you and Cedarfur feel so uncomfortable around me. Snake-dung, I'm such a lousy deputy.'
Lizardstrike stopped, still in the water, but now only a couple of tail-lengths away.
'I know you're just trying to look out for me,' he signed, his motions much gentler now. 'But, I'm not your kits, and I'm also not your apprentice anymore. I'll always want to come to you for advice, but my decisions are my own. You've gotta trust me.'
Frostmask sighed, her belly still tight with guilt and her eyes stinging, but she nodded slowly.
Lizardstrike lifted his brows.
'So do you trust me?' he prompted.
'Yes,' Frostmask signed.
A loud purr began to rumble in Lizardstrike's throat.
'Good. Then come here. I won't let you drown.'
Frostmask froze for a moment as hesitation gripped her again when she stared down at the water. But when she lifted her gaze back to Lizardstrike, he was gazing at her so earnestly that she couldn't find it in her to refuse. Steeling herself, Frostmask rose to her paws and took a step into the pool before she could allow herself another thought and lose her nerve.
The first couple steps weren't that bad as the warm water only splashed up her legs. It was only when it started to lap at her belly fur that the first stirrings of panic set back in and begun to crawl up Frostmask's throat. But, then Lizardstrike was at her side, his tail draped over her back in a steady, anchoring gesture and a comforting purr rumbling uninterrupted in his throat, and the terror started to ebb.
Despite the warmth, Frostmask's legs still trembled involuntarily as she and Lizardstrike slowly made their way into the deeper part of the pool. The water rose to her stomach, and then to her sides. Finally it started to lap hungrily at her shoulders, and Frostmask's forepaws began to rise off the ground as the water buoyed her up.
That feeling of weightlessness brought with it a rush of unpleasant memories and feelings— the confusing swirl of bubbles in front of her face, the panic of her burning lungs, and the cold acceptance of death as darkness tugged at the edges of her vision.
"I need to go back," Frostmask gasped, her determination fleeing her as terror took its place. "Lizardstrike, take me back."
Frostmask's heart thumped in her ears as their steady, even walk towards the center of the pool turned into her flailing her paws, trying to thrust herself upwards and out of the water as much as she could.
Frostmask didn't know how much of what she said Lizardstrike could understand from lip-reading, but he'd understood her intention at least, since he promptly turned them around, half guiding and half pushing her back towards the nearest edge of the pool.
Once Frostmask was clear of the water, she flopped to the ground, her breaths still coming in and out in ragged gasps. Lizardstrike crouched down at her side, his blue eyes round with concern.
'I'm okay,' Frostmask managed to sign. 'I just need a moment.'
Lizardstrike nodded and began to rasp his tongue over Frostmask's pelt, grooming out the mud and the water. The soothing activity helped calm Frostmask, and soon her heaving chest settled down into a much more reasonable rhythm.
'I think that's enough for today,' Frostmask signed once her rate of breathing was back fully under her control. 'But, maybe we could try again some other time.'
Frostmask's whiskers twitched with rueful humor.
'And maybe I'll actually manage to go deep enough to swim next time.'
Lizardstrike stopped grooming to gently bunt his head to hers. 'You did pretty good for a first attempt.'
A quiet purr rumbled to life in Frostmask's chest. Despite her discomfort and fear with water, her experience with it today had at least delivered something valuable, since she'd been able to spend some precious time with Lizardstrike. And, just maybe, that meant that the rift that had grown between them had started to close.
Of course we'll be busy with our own lives, but at least we can still be friends.
A pickle of guilt nettled Frostmask again.
And I'll have to be more forgiving towards Cedarfur.
Frostmask leaned herself against Lizardstrike's side, pressing her cheek to his shoulder for a moment.
'…Thank you, Lizardstrike.'
Author's Note: I want to apologize for the long wait between chapters and explain a bit why I've been absent. I was having a tough time with this chapter, since I'd also wanted to include the stuff from the gathering initially, but it felt like the chapter was getting too unwieldy, so I had to split it up. When chapters go off script from my outline like this, it always sort of throws me off, and I've also just been feeling bad about how long it's been taking me to update this story. And, unfortunately, my reaction to feeling bad/guilty is to avoid the thing that's making me feel that way. So basically I just haven't been spending a lot of time working on this fic, since it just wasn't feeling fun for me :( Also being busy with other things in my life and other projects made it easy to put it on the back burner. But, please don't think this means I'm giving up on this story! I still love all of these characters and I owe it to them, myself (and you all) to see it through. However, I think it would be for the best if I don't put so much pressure on myself about updating super regularly. I think by doing so, writing it will start to be more enjoyable for me again (and then it may actually lead to me updating more often!) But anyway, this is me officially giving everyone a heads up that I don't know when the next update (or any future ones) will be, but that is okay! And it will update eventually since I would never abandon this fic.
But, on a lighter note, everyone grab the party hats and champagne, since Dampfang's finally, officially dumped!
Thank you all for reading!
Reviews:
Brian.H.H: Yeah it definitely wasn't great for Frostmask to just spring that on Autumnleap, even though he gets why she did it. I do think he's feeling a bit neglected though since Frostmask has been letting her other relationships fall a bit more to the wayside while dealing with all the other stuff happening (which Frost tries to make up for a bit during this chapter, but there's still definitely work to be done.) Also what you proposed about the kits and ThunderClan would be a really interesting political play, but I think Sedgestar is doing his best to kinda be conservative with his maneuvering right now since he doesn't want to piss anyone off more lol. (So keeping the identity of the kits a secret seemed like a good idea to him.)
Cactopus: Dampfang definitely didn't like Sedgestar's decision haha. But I can't comment on what he does, if anything, in response to it! (I love seeing your speculation though!)
Shadowhunter474: Thank you so much! Yeah I felt like it was really important to the story for Frostmask to become a mother at some point since obviously her relationship with her parents are very complicated. So I sort of wanted things to come full circle in that way.