While the day had been outrageously hot the year before, it threatened rain this time around. Lily had been watching the dark sky since she'd woken up that morning, and rather than growing brighter, it had turned a deep and dreary gray.
"Maybe we should postpone," she heard her dad suggest for about the fifth time that morning as they looked out at the yard from the back patio.
"There'll be no other time to do it," her mother pointed out. "We got lucky when we were able to change the date last year."
Harry let out a resigned sigh. "I suppose you're right. And it's not like we've never played in the rain before."
An hour later, family members began to arrive for lunch, and as much as Lily wanted to play Quidditch, she was partially disappointed that they hadn't canceled. In all the years they'd held their yearly summer Quidditch match, she'd never once not looked forward to it. And she had even more of a reason to be excited this year. She was going to be Gryffindor's Captain! She should be thrilled to have a chance to get some playing time in. It was a testament to how screwed up things were that she was actually dreading the day.
Hopefully, if she could just manage to get through lunch with her cousins, she would be able to handle everything else.
Lunch was always rather informal when they had this many people over. Her mum would set out various meats and cheeses and other toppings for sandwiches, along with fruits and vegetables and crisps. There was no seating arrangement. Everyone went where they wanted, either outside or on the patio or in the living room. Typically, Lily would join most of her cousins in claiming the best seats on the patio, but she knew she wouldn't be welcome this time around.
So, instead, she cast one more look at where Hugo, Louis, Molly, and Lucy were sitting around the table, before squeezing through various relatives that she didn't even stop to acknowledge and making her way down the empty hallway that led to her dad's study.
Thoughts of Christmas Eve and the excitement and contentment and joy she'd felt that day in this exact room threatened to overwhelm Lily as she sat at her dad's desk. Things had been so different then. So simple. Even though they weren't. Not really. They were just setting themselves up for everything that was to come.
There'd been a few times over the past few weeks that Lily had found herself thinking about how she could have possibly done things differently and avoided this whole mess. Maybe she wasn't seeing things objectively. Maybe she wasn't as blameless as she thought. Maybe she should actually seriously consider talking to Hugo, who seemed to be doing just fine without her. But her determination to be stubborn had won out, the doubt that had started to worm itself in determinedly kept at bay.
She only had a few moments to pick at her food and slip into self pity and melancholy before there was a soft knock on the door that she'd left cracked open behind her. Lily let out a sigh when Rose stuck her head in, an uncertain look on her face and a plate of food in her hands.
"Can we join you?" Rose asked, obviously fearful of being unwelcome, but Lily was a bit more preoccupied with whom she meant when she said "we".
"We're just here to keep you company," Rose assured Lily after seeing the skeptical look on her face. Reluctantly, Lily nodded, trusting Rose not to spring someone completely unwelcome on her, and even coming close to smiling when she saw who had accompanied her cousin.
"I haven't gotten to see you since you've been back," said Roxanne, a friendly smile on her face as Rose conjured two chairs so they could sit across from Lily.
"I know," said Lily. "I haven't exactly been very social."
Roxanne nodded as she chewed on a strawberry. "I've noticed."
No one said anything after that, the three girls focused on their lunches. It was comfortable, which Lily hadn't been expecting. Their behavior didn't make her feel judged or backed into a corner. They truly did seem to just want to keep her company and had no plans to pry. They didn't expect her to talk at all. That, combined with the fact that she'd been incredibly lonely the past few weeks and hadn't really talked to anyone about everything that had happened, was probably why Lily decided to speak up.
"It's just that I don't particularly feel like spending time with people who hate me," she explained, her words coming out nonchalant even as they threatened pain. "And don't tell me they don't, because your brother-" she said with a glance at Rose, "-made it perfectly clear that he wants me out of his life."
She paused to collect herself, having begun to work herself up as what she refused to acknowledge as anything other than frustration and anger started to build once again.
"I mean, it's not like I want anything to do with him either," she continued, now hardly thinking about the words she was saying. "He's the reason my heart's broken. He didn't care at all that I was happy and in love. All he cared about was the fact that having someone else in my life meant there was less room for him. It's not my fault that he's not mature enough to handle change. I have every right to do what I want with my life and spend time with whoever I please, and I'm not apologizing for going after what I want.
"And he actually expects me to apologize," she continued, her temper rising. "Honestly, it's the most ridiculous thing he's ever done. I'm the one whose heart got broken. I'm the one who lost someone. He has no clue what I'm going through."
Lily fell silent, her venting having renewed her frustrations as she sat there with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. And to think she'd actually had a fleeting thought about trying to talk to Hugo today.
"I think he does," said Rose, her voice so soft that Lily hadn't been certain at first that she'd spoken. "He's lost you."
A sharp stab of pain went through Lily's heart at Rose's words, but she steadied herself and chose to ignore it.
"It's not the same," she said with a shake of her head. "And it's not like the two of you would understand either. Neither of you have ever been dumped before. Rose, you and Scorp have been a long time coming, and I don't see either of you ever walking away from each other. And Rox, was there ever a time when you and Lorcan weren't inevitable? Neither of you have any clue what it's like to lose someone you love. Someone you thought you had a future with and would always be there. It hurts like hell."
Her words had grown cold and distant, and she was starting to rethink this whole talking thing. She'd been stupid to think they'd understand.
"I do know."
This time it was Roxanne who'd spoken up, and Lily looked at her in confusion. "How could you possibly know?"
"Because I've lost someone too, Lily," she said, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears and her voice strong but filled with pain. "What I thought my future was going to be changed in the blink of an eye. And maybe it's not the same as what you're going through, since I don't know what it's like to have someone choose to walk away from you, but I do know what it feels like to imagine a future for yourself only to have it ripped away. I know what it feels like to be heartbroken, and to wonder if anything will ever be okay again."
Lily's heart fell into her stomach, her own eyes stinging as she watched Rose reach out and hold Roxanne's slightly shaking hand. She'd completely forgotten about what Roxanne had gone through. About the child she and Lorcan had lost.
"It might seem like the end of the world," Roxanne continued, "but it isn't. I know how strong you are, Lily, so I know you can get through this. The choice you have to make is how. Are you going to feel sorry for yourself and wallow in your suffering, or are you going to do whatever you can to make things right? Because you can. You haven't really lost anyone yet. Not for good. So take advantage of that and get off your arse and do something about this mess."
Lily nearly jumped when Roxanne stood abruptly, taking her empty plate and half drunk butterbeer before walking quickly out of the room. Lily turned to look at Rose, who seemed to be at a complete loss for what to say.
"I didn't mean to…" Lily began uncertainly, and felt reassured when Rose gave her a small smile.
"I know," she said, "and I don't mean to pile things on or make you feel worse, but you need to start paying attention to other people, Lily. I didn't need Hugo telling me to realize how selfish you've been acting."
Lily's natural instinct was to snap at Rose. To argue and tell her she was wrong. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't do it.
Maybe Rose was right. Maybe Hugo was right. Maybe all she'd been thinking about was herself. She'd told herself that wasn't true, that she was thinking of Caleb too, but had she even considered how much it had hurt him to do what he'd done? How much it had hurt him to see his friendship with Louis fall apart? To see her lose her best friend? She'd been so focused on her own pain, she'd completely forgotten everyone else's. Not only that, she hadn't even considered it.
And she felt horrible for being insensitive towards Roxanne. She hadn't meant to cause her pain, but just the fact that she hadn't even stopped to think if her words could do any type of damage proved how selfish and self absorbed she was. There should be a little Scamander being passed around today, but there wasn't. And the thought broke Lily's heart even more.
She wiped at the tears she hadn't realized had fallen. "I'm sorry," she said with a sniff. "I've been horrid, haven't I?"
It took Rose less than a second to be kneeling in front of Lily, her arms going around her as Lily let herself cry into her hands, her forehead resting on her cousin's shoulder.
"You can still fix this," Rose said in a soothing tone as she rubbed Lily's back. "I know Hugo misses you, and I bet Caleb does to."
Lily let out a scoff as she sat up, wiping away more tears and sniffling. "No they don't."
"They do," Rose assured her. "Hugo's been miserable, and I know he's lonely. This whole thing has left so many of you on your own, and I know it would help make everything better if you actually talked to him and really tried to make things right this time."
Hoping Rose was right, Lily nodded. "I'll try. If he'll even talk to me. And I do want to make things right. Despite how much I tried to deny it at times, I've really missed him."
Rose gave her a small smile before hugging her once again. "It'll be all right, Lily," she whispered as she held her tightly. And Lily could do nothing except squeeze her back and desperately hope she was right.
Anxiety coursed through Louis as he watched the sky threaten to ruin their plans. Lunch was coming to an end, which meant that all of the non family members that would be participating in the day were due any minute. That is if the weather held out. Just a bit longer. And he would really appreciate it if it did.
You see, Louis had a plan. A half formed plan that he was nervous as hell to execute, but a plan nonetheless.
Today, he'd be seeing the lively and beautiful Jill Boot - a girl that he'd known for a long time now, but that he'd only recently fully accepted the extent of his feelings for. He'd always liked her as a person and felt himself drawn to her, but he'd refused to see his interest in her for what it was until a few months ago, when the actions of someone else had forced him to own how he truly felt.
In a way, he was actually thankful for the French prat that had made a move on Jill over Easter. If Louis hadn't been forced to realized that he wanted to be the one going on a date with her, he might never have resolved to do what he could to make it happen.
It hadn't been an overnight resolution either. He'd needed a swift kick in the rear from Hugo and Caleb. That, combined with his fear that he would lose his nerve, had gotten him to where he was today - determined to make some type of move that made it clear to Jill that he was very much interested in being more than her friend.
However, if there was one thing he could always count on his family to be, it was in the way.
He'd been dragged outside with Hugo, Al, Teddy, and James, all of them charged with the task of setting up the pitch. Louis was doing his best to be of assistance, while also keeping an eye on the house as people began to arrive.
"Oi! Careful!" Teddy exclaimed, snapping Louis out of his distraction. "You nearly clobbered me."
Louis grinned guilty as he corrected his hold on the goal post he was helping his brother-in-law secure. "Sorry."
Teddy looked at Louis curiously as he waved his wand so the loose dirt firmed up around the bottom of the pole. "You all right? You've seemed a bit out of it today."
"Yeah," said Louis, determined to act like he wasn't distracted by Jill's impending arrival. "Just tired, I guess."
Teddy gave an amused snort as he cast a few spells to secure and extend the post while Louis held it steady. "All that doing nothing with your holiday wearing you out?"
Louis chuckled at the smirk his brother-in-law shot him. "Something like that."
"Poor you," Teddy said with a chuckle, but the sound was drowned out by a laugh that Louis knew very well coming from the direction of the house. A laugh he'd been dying to hear for weeks.
He spun around, his eyes frantically searching for Jill. They landed on what he thought was the back of her before she disappeared into the house.
"Um, we're all good here," Teddy's voice broke through, his tone obviously amused. "Feel free to head in since you're...tired."
Louis glanced at Teddy, his cheeks threatening to turn pink as the sky rumbled with the threat of a storm. He heard Teddy hollering something to James about preparing for eventual rain, but didn't waste another second before heading towards the house, trying his best not to look like he was rushing. Or anxious. Or terrified.
He'd nearly made it when Lily stepped through the back door, and Louis was so preoccupied with what he was going to say to Jill and how he was going to greet her - should he give her a hug? - that he didn't even think to be annoyed with Lily when he spoke to her.
"People starting to show up?" Louis asked as he drew closer to his cousin. Lily nodded, her arms crossed as she chewed her lip nervously and looked past him to where her brothers and Teddy and Hugo were still working.
Louis made to walk past her, but stopped short when he heard her give a sharp intake of breath. Her eyes were wide as they caught sight of something to his right, her gaze then moving across the yard behind him.
"What?" Louis asked, turning to follow her gaze, a pretty solid idea forming of what had caused her reaction that was proved correct a moment later. Caleb had arrived, apparently having chosen to Apparate into the front yard and walk around back upon seeing the work being done to set up the pitch.
For the most part, Louis had been annoyed and frustrated by Lily's behavior, and even though she was family, he'd felt it necessary to stand by his best friend after their break up. Caleb had been a bit of a mess, letting out all of his energy by spending endless time practicing Quidditch in his backyard and not saying much of anything. The day that Hugo had told them about Lily being made Captain had been the first time he'd opened up about it since telling Louis he'd ended things, but he hadn't said another word about Lily or the team or really anything since then, choosing to talk about absolutely anything else and almost pretending like it hadn't happened. He'd shut down. Louis had done what he could to be there for him after pulling himself out of his own self inflicted heartache, but it was hard to know how to help Caleb when he'd become so closed off.
As Caleb approached Hugo and Teddy, who were opening up the crate of equipment, it was hard to tell that anything had been bothering him at all. He walked with an easy and comfortable gait, his smile casual and relaxed as he hollered something to grab Hugo's attention, who looked up and smiled before standing to greet his friend.
None of this was a shock to Louis. Hugo had been spending a lot of time with both of them over the summer, a change that Louis would have appreciated more if it weren't for the circumstances surrounding it. He hadn't said anything about Lily either. They all knew they couldn't avoid it forever, but it had been nice to have an unspoken understanding to let it be for now. They'd have plenty to deal with once they got back to school.
Not really wanting to be sympathetic to Lily, Louis turned to continue inside, his mission of finding Jill coming back to the forefront of his mind, but Lily had other ideas.
He gave a huff of annoyance and looked down at her pointedly when she grabbed his arm to stop him, but he couldn't help softening at the look of utter misery on her face.
"They're…they're talking to each other?" she asked, her voice strained and disbelieving. "They made up?"
Louis glanced back over his shoulder to where Hugo and Caleb were now tossing a Quaffle with James, easy conversation and laughter floating across the rather foreboding wind. Louis gave a nod, slightly confused by her reaction.
"Yeah, they did awhile ago. We've been hanging out quite a bit this summer."
It wasn't until after he'd said it that Louis realized what type of effect this news might have on Lily. Her best friend, her ex-boyfriend, and her cousin had been spending all summer without her. And based on how at ease Hugo and Caleb seemed, they were completely fine. Though Louis knew better. There was still pain under the surface of those smiles.
Lily, however, was too blinded by betrayal to see it, and her look of anguish quickly changed to one of shock as she looked at Louis, almost as if begging him to take back what he'd just said. But he couldn't.
Her grip on his arm tightened as she turned to look back at two of the people she cared about the most in the world, her gaze hardening and anger obvious in her eyes as a few drops of rain began to fall. Before Louis could come up with anything to say that could possibly help, she let go of his arm and spun around to march back into the house.
"Lily, wait," he called after her as she flung open the door. "They both - shit!"
She'd attempted to slam the door closed behind her, which Louis nearly ran into. He gave an annoyed huff before opening the door and following her in.
There was a large crowd of people, which wasn't normal. Usually, people would head out back rather than into the house, but the looming bad weather had changed that. Lily had easily disappeared on him, so after failing to spot her, he decided he might as well work towards going though with his plan again. Scanning the room once more and seeing no sign of Jill, Louis squeezed past a few of his uncles before reaching his sister, who was laughing in delight at a very angry and embarrassed looking Fred.
"Hey, either of you seen...Molly?" Louis asked, changing his mind at the last moment. He wasn't avoiding his plans. It was very likely that Jill would be wherever Molly was.
"Yeah," Dom managed to choke out through her laughter. "I just saw her go into the kitchen with Ethan."
Louis gave a nod of thanks while his sister started cackling at their cousin once again, who indignantly told her that whatever she was laughing at wasn't funny. While Dom hadn't made any mention of Jill, Louis figured it wouldn't hurt to stick around Molly, since she'd probably lead him to her eventually.
He hadn't been expecting to see anything out of the ordinary upon entering the kitchen, and the sight of his cousin standing at the island in the middle of the room while pouring herself a glass of water was perfectly normal. It was the young Auror standing behind her with his hands on her waist as she giggled at whatever he whispered in her ear that had him stopping in his tracks.
Confusion coursed through Louis, quickly followed by hurt and frustration.
"What the bleeding hell?!" he hissed as the door swung shut behind him. Molly and Ethan both jumped in surprise, their wide eyes flying to Louis as Ethan reflexively took a small step away from Molly.
"You two decide it was best to mess around behind everyone's backs too?" Louis snapped at them. "Seeing as that went so well for everyone last time?"
Molly's look of shock quickly changed to understanding. "Lou, that's not what this is," she assured him. Her gaze flickered to a nervous and confused looking Ethan, and Louis watched unconvinced as Molly reached out for Ethan's hand. "We're not hiding this," she continued, her gaze going back to Louis as Ethan stepped closer to her once again and slipped his hand into hers. "It's new. We've only been together for a few weeks."
Some of Louis' ire went out of him as Ethan nodded. "And you knew this was coming, remember?" he pointed out. "You even teased me about it the night you lot came home from school."
A bit of guilt for snapping at them hit Louis at Ethan's words. Dom had made mention to him in passing that Ethan liked Molly, but that was as much as he'd known. And he'd forgotten about all of that with everything else going on in his life.
"Right, sorry," Louis mumbled "So that's as long as this has been going on?" he asked, gesturing between them. His skepticism was rewarded by slightly guilty expressions from both of them.
"Not exactly," said Ethan, his eyes meeting Molly's uncertainly before fixing his attention on Louis. "We've been writing to each other all school year, but nothing really happened until the night you all came home."
Memories of Molly pouring over letters in the joint common room or at breakfast flashed across Louis' mind. He'd seen her diligently writing a good many too. He'd never thought too hard about who'd been on the other end, assuming it had been her parents. But if he'd really thought about it, he might have realized that there was something about how engrossed she always was in those particularly long letters that gave away the fact that they were not from her parents. Especially combined with the teasing remarks she sometimes got from Jill.
Jill.
His original purpose in coming into the kitchen came back to him once again.
"We weren't trying to be secretive, Louis," Molly assured him, "but I never said anything at school because nothing had really even happened yet. I didn't want to bring more people into it than necessary in case things didn't work out. You know how things spread in our family. I didn't want to have to deal with that when there wasn't even anything to tell."
Louis sighed, completely understanding her and honestly planning to behave the exact same when he got the chance. "It's all right," he assured her. "And I'm happy for you. Blimey, didn't really see that coming."
They both smiled, sharing what could only be described as adoring glances with each other before turning back to Louis, who rolled his eyes but couldn't hold back a small smile.
"At least I won't have to deal with the two of you at school," he teased, joining them at the island and getting a glass of water for himself.
"Don't remind me," Ethan grumbled, and Louis felt a pang of guilt for being so careless. Of course they weren't looking forward to being apart.
"Sorry," Louis mumbled as Molly wound her arms around Ethan's waist while one of his went around her shoulders. "That'll be shit."
They gave him what equated to grateful grimaces, silence falling for a moment before Molly spoke up.
"Have you seen Jill yet?" she asked Louis, who managed not to choke on the gulp of water he'd just taken. "She was looking for you."
"Yeah?" Louis asked, attempting to act smooth and disinterested even though his heart was about to beat out of his chest. "Did she say why?"
Molly shook her head and looked like she was about to say something else, but then all Louis' hopes of finding Jill before the Quidditch match were squashed by the sound of James hollering from the next room for everyone to head outside.
Damn his family. Didn't they know he had plans?!
A/N: To make up for my absence, I will be posting the chapter that is the followup to this one very soon! And please let me know what you think! This is the first time seeing things from Louis' POV. And you'll get more of that at the beginning of the next chapter! Thanks for following, and remember to review!