"What? You only feel better if you help people? At the cost of what? Your own mental state? You'll be heading down the same path as me!"

The wind lifted her hair off her shoulders when she finally left the house, but instead of looking at the ground, she kept her eyes trained on the sky and started walking, taking one step at a time, ignoring the sensation of her hair sweeping back and forth against her shoulders. Clouds drifted across the sky above her, dreamy and far away, even though they looked close enough to touch. She sometimes wished she was a cloud. She was about as invisible as one until she cried, and then everyone avoided her, just like they avoided rain. Amina sighed, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath as she prepared herself to face the day. She was in her last year of high school, but it had just started, so there were still months and months of torment left to deal with before she could get away, but she'd been saving up money from jobs here and there since she'd turned fifteen, and with it she planned to leave home on her own. She wouldn't go to college. She'd applied, but she already knew there would be no good news, since someone like her didn't have a shot at doing anything for the future. No... she was going to take all the money she'd earned and get out of the state. She would go someplace out in the middle of nowhere and live by herself, away from the world that hated her, perhaps somewhere in Japan... or perhaps the southern part of Florida, someplace without a lot of people who would laugh at her and torment her. Shouldering her backpack, Amina continued the twenty minute walk in total silence, only bothering to lower her eyes when she stepped through the gates of her high school. She stopped, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes as she prepared her mind to deal with the horrors of the day, like usual. "I can do this," She murmured, making her way towards the entrance. "I can do this... just one more year." With her head held high, she steeled herself and walked forward. Her sneakers squeaked on the linoleum tile, and the sound of chattering students filled her ears, but it was muted. Muffled, distant. People walked and stood close enough for her to touch, but they were still so far away from her, out of reach, closer than ever but impossible to touch. She was surrounded by a crowd, but she was more alone here than anywhere else. She took one step at a time, numb, lost in her head where nothingness drowned out the impersonal voices and clanging lockers all around her, looking at the numbers above the doors until she found her classroom and paused, staring at the students inside with a blank expression. Somehow thoughts of her real dad came up, her mind always wandered from her main goal, something she couldn't change. 'If you didn't die, would my life be different?' His death felt untimely, she was 17 now and it was when she was 8 when he died. She was handed over to her mother, who had forgotten she had an older daughter. She left such a pleasant life in a sometimes quiet beach city, to living with a family who hated her guts just for being born. She was basically the maid and nanny, her younger brother followed his dad, wanting to be just like him, he was a bit stronger so whenever he pranked her or hit her with something it hurt more then whatever her mother and step-father gave her. The little sister was just a baby, so they were just conditioned to treating her like shit. Even biting her for no reason at all. (This happened to me, but with someone else's kid, as much as I wanted to slap the kid I really should've thought about slapping the mother, damn crotch-goblin is only like that because of her bad parenting). Amina blinked back into reality, swallowing her fear, she lifted her hands and was about to go inside the room, but someone bumped into her arm and her bag instantly dropped to the floor. "Oh, I'm sorry!" A skinny black-haired boy sighed, bending down and picking the bag up. "That was my... fault..." When he looked up and glanced at her face, his expression changed. Wide eyed, all he did was stare at her with an open mouth... but then he snapped his jaw shut and looked away. Amina lowered her eyes. So many people reacted the same way, all the time, and blatantly said it was because she was ugly. They'd called her fat. They'd called her disgusting. Everyone did. So, it had to be true.

'Of course it's true,' Spoke a voice in her head, sounding light and bubbly.

'I mean no one loves you, everyone in this town hates you.'

'Even your family hates you,'

'You're a fat, ugly, garbage piece of human waste.'

Numb yet again from the voice in her head, called Nina, she slowly took the bag from him. "Thanks," She droned. "I appreciate it." He rapidly started blinking with frightened brown eyes; looking nervous, he glanced around and hastily walked into the classroom without responding to her gratitude. His quick departure and lack of response made her feel a bit relieved, since she didn't want to talk to him just as much as he didn't want to talk to her. Swallowing, she walked inside the classroom behind the boy, ignoring the weight of her backpack, ignoring the stares, ignoring the way the world was hazed off all around her. There had once been a time where she'd have tried to put her belongings in her locker, but ever since the day someone had gotten her combination number and ruined some of her favorite things and school items during her Sophomore year (with gum and toothpaste mind you), she'd taken her backpack with her to each class. In comparison to other stuff, that had actually been pretty mild. She wished she could go back to that time. "Wow!" A surprised voice exclaimed. "You're already back in class? So soon?!" Amina slowly turned around and looked at the girl who'd spoken, already knowing what was coming. Eliza was the most popular girl at Compass High School, but honestly, it wasn't really hard for anyone to see why. Unlike Amina, who was freckled, somewhat mousy, and didn't know the first thing about putting on make-up, Eliza was blonde, had gorgeous husky blue eyes, and she always looked fabulous. And in an almost stereotypical manner, she happened to be the captain of the cheerleaders, had outstanding grades, coordinated every major event that went on at school, and her charms were above level nine thousand, so to speak. Unfortunately, despite having everything she could have ever wanted... She was mean, spiteful, racist, and spoiled(I'm serious, she was like this! But to be honest the whole school was oddly racist, that or they didn't like me. Hell, I stayed out of trouble, but trying to be nice got me in trouble. I just think the principal hated me.), and she actually hated Amina so much that she'd orchestrated countless events to humiliate and publicly destroy her self esteem in an ongoing attempt to stop her from coming to school. After a few seconds of staring at the blonde girl's sly sneer, she decided to remain aloof: she was so used to the treatment she got each day that brushing it off and acting like it was nothing came without any trouble to her at all. Instead of being rude, Amina politely inclined her head. "Hi, Eliza," She murmured, forcing a tired smile. "Good morning. How was your weekend?" The blonde's smirk twitched with a faint spark of irritation, and the two girls standing behind her rolled their eyes, but her smile quickly went back to normal. "Oh, you know... same old, same old," She giggled, tossing her gorgeous blonde hair; she surprised Amina by holding out her hand with an apologetic expression. "Anyway, sorry about what happened last Friday... I went too far with the teasing. I wasn't expecting the serum to react like that." Amina winced and lowered her eyes, expression twisting slightly before she smoothed it out.

Faint flashes of being bullied at lunch, two guys had held her back as one of Eliza's friends fucked around with her by waving the delicious looking food in front of her face. She hadn't properly eaten in days due to her lunch money being stolen and her mother's bagged lunch always being half eaten leftovers. She was let go after a bit and with fake pity they gave her the food, she probably should've second guessed eating it, but she was starving, it was a very good looking sandwich that tasted really good and for a second she was relieved it hit her taste buds in a pop rock sort of way, but her stomach began jumping around like a jumping bean and they backed away with laughter as whatever was in that food they gave her acted fast. The cafeteria turned into a comedy club as she vomited up the little amount of food she ate, she barely had the energy to do such a thing she had passed out, still throwing up and then her bowels had released themselves as well. Eliza had planned the whole thing, but she hadn't gotten in trouble because everyone involved had kept it a secret and three members of the football team had willingly taken the fall for her. They were supposed to be suspended for two weeks, and it wasn't right, but that was why she was the queen bee: people liked her enough to protect her, even if it got them in serious trouble. "It's... okay, I guess," Amina sighed, giving another weak little smile before she tentatively reached out to shake her hand; the moment she clasped Eliza's palm, a sharp pain flashed through her hand and she yelped in surprise. "Ouch! Ow, ow, ow! That hurts! What on earth did you just...?" She got her answer when she pulled her hand away since it was dripping blood. "Oh, ew! You're bleeding!" Eliza gasped in a mocking voice. "Be careful, Fat ass! You don't want to get anyone sick with AIDS, do you?" She turned to smirk at her friends when they burst into laughter and high-fived each other. Amina whined inaudibly, looking at her hand and going pale with horror when she realized there was something sticking out of it. With a grimace, she gripped the edges of whatever the hell it was and jerked it out of her palm; fire seared through her nerves, but then it was over and something metal landed on the ground. Swallowing, she bent over to touch it. "Is this a... a razor?" Her heart seized when the blonde stomped on her hand and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming in pain. "It's a gift!" Eliza giggled, viciously digging her heel into Amina's knuckles. "You know, to replace that old rusty one! How about you use it right and kill yourself?" "Eliza..." "Oh, shut up. You're an eyesore, Amina, " Eliza sneered, glaring down at her. "Why the hell did you come back, you ugly freak?" "Because," Amina whispered, trying to detach herself from the pain in her hand. "I need to finish High School." "Ugh, just drop out, bitch. Nobody wants you here!" Eliza sweetly told her, then laughed loudly and turned with a nasty expression on her face. "Right everybody? Shouldn't Amina just drop out?!" She winced when every single student instantly turned to look at her with a disgusted expression. "I can't... drop out," She said softly. "You're hurting me... please get off of my hand." Eliza's eye twitched and her smile finally shifted into a hateful expression, wrinkling her pretty face in an ugly way. "I'm going to continue tormenting you until you leave school, Acid," She hissed, calling her the teasing name which was Amino Acid before it was shortened to Acid, the one that causes awful pain and melts skin, walking right past her with her friends. "I hate the 'I'm a good and proper Little Miss Innocent " act more than your disgusting face. Your family is a well known name, how did they have a kid like you..someone who is absolute trash." Amina waited for a moment, then lifted her hand and looked at her palm, watching as the blood welled up from a place far inside herself, the cut was actually pretty deep, but not wide enough to be of any real danger, and yet she felt nothing now that She was used to the pain of a razor, using hers almost everyday, the pain had come from it being a shocking pain. Something like when you don't get scared but a good jumpscare gets ya. Closing her eyes, she hefted her shirt and tore a rip into it, making the blonde stop and turn slightly. Her friends kept going, but all she did was stare out of the corner of her eyes as Amina knelt there on the ground, ripping a long, wide strip out of her pale black shirt all the way around. (School didn't allow hoodies so had to take it off). Eliza turned a little bit more, eyeing her exposed stomach with her spiteful blue eyes narrowed until she finished tying the strip of cloth around her hand and lowered her arms.

When she rose to her feet, the torn hem of the t-shirt dropped back down to her pockets, obscuring her belly. Clenching her fist to stop the bleeding, Amina looked around the room to see the glares of thirty six hostile teens drilling holes into her face, but she felt next to nothing as they stared at her with malice. "Move it, lard ass!" A tall blonde boy snapped, shoving her out of the way and sending her stumbling into a desk. She clutched it with no expression, letting out a long sigh. 'Why can't this ever be easy?' She wondered. Straightening back up, she turned to head over to her desk but paused when she found herself staring right into yet another boy's condescending brown eyes. Only, she knew this person. He was a linebacker for the football team, one of the meanest bullies in her class... and worst of all, the boy who'd lived right down the road from her family's house since she'd been a small child. Jeffery Woods. "Why are you still here, Acid?" He asked in a sardonic baby voice. "I'm beginning to think you like being bullied! Is that it? Are you a masochist? Is that what gets you off? Being abused? Is that why you wear that collar?" Amina felt an unexpected lump form in her throat when he dropped the tone and laughed with his friends. Hell she probably was a masochist at this point, but no. She wasn't. She gripped her spiked leather choker a bit. Jeffery had been picking on her since her second year of middle school, but she'd known him since long before that so she was all too familiar with his tactics and the way he operated. He was a total backstreet kind of guy, the sort of person who skipped school, wore white hoodies with the word "Supreme" (except back then it was some random Looney Tunes character dressed up like a gangster) on it and wife beaters, and catcalled women on the sidewalk. But, despite being a total asshole and having such a nasty personality, he was extremely handsome. With his strong jaw, angular nose, jet black hair, and exotic dark brown eyes, he actually had a very roguish face that might have had potential for big-time modeling if he hadn't been such an asshole. And somehow, even with that nasty personality of his, he was popular... he was the guy that all the girls wanted to date, the guy that all the other boys wanted to be friends with, and the guy that Eliza herself had a claim to. After all, it was no secret that the two of them were dating each other. He was one of the hottest boys in school, and a football player, so it was only natural that Eliza had pursued him. "I need to finish my senior year, Jeffery," She quietly explained, ignoring his scowl. "I have to." "Don't you feel embarrassed with yourself?" He demanded with a sneer. "It's easy to understand why you get the shit beat out of you... I mean look at yourself... you have a lot of fucking nerve to show your ugly face here every single day. I bet your weak ass gets beat at home too." "Sorry," Amina said a little coldly. "I didn't get to choose my appearance, or my school.." Everyone in the room instantly turned to look at her with disbelieving eyes, but Jeffery smirked and merely glanced at a few of his buddies; all four of them began whispering. "We think you should go," One of the boys snapped, staring at her with narrowed eyes. "We don't like your attitude." "What...?" Amina asked, feeling a little unnerved when several of them started to converge on her; she started backing up as they advanced. "What are you doing?" She jumped when her back bumped against the window. "Aww... isn't that sweet, Acid?" Eliza cooed, smirking from her desk as the boys surrounded her. "They're helping you leave!" "B-but... hey, stop!" Amina cried, flailing when all four of them grabbed her. "Let go of me! RIGHT NOW!" She gasped when they lifted her into the air. "Ugh, she's heavy!" One of them muttered. "God damn... she really IS a fat ass!" "Put me down!" Amina wailed, struggling to get her feet back on the ground. "Let go! What do you think you're doing?!" "We're helping you leave!" Jeffery jeered. They had filed out the classroom and towards the courtyard. They were trying to get her suspended or expelled somehow. With that, all four of them heaved her towards one of the big rolling trashbins and into it, she was then rolled outside and trying to get out she was able to get her head out. "Stay the fuck out!" Amina's eyes went blank and silence filled her ears, and there was even a moment of pleasant floating where things didn't feel real as the trashbin rolled towards the principal's car with great force. The trashbin had dented the side of it and she broke through the side glass window and let out an ear splitting shriek of terror and pain. She landed roughly on her side, beanie flying off her head. (I was actually thrown into a trashbin and they rolled it out into the school courtyard, although I was rolled towards the road I was able to get out. I had to turtle roll to get out of it. A glass bottle was thrown at me as well and I tried to stop it with my hands but it had broke on contact with them, fucking my right hand up for 2 weeks, of course it's fine now but it shakes like I have mild Parkinson's).

For a long moment, she lay still in the passenger's seat, shoulder and head stinging badly and body aching from the drop. "Owww..." She wheezed, shakily pulling herself to her knees and clutching her bleeding arm her legs also got messed up; everyone that was laughing at her came from the classroom and pointing fingers taking pictures and video, but she hardly noticed. Squinting at the damage done to her shoulder, she ascertained that it was fractured, it had bled a bit from the glass bits that broke off and sprayed into the air and car, she sighed before lifting her eyes to look at the students pointing fingers. Rosy hair fraying out due to some of it being caught on the broken window, she gazed up at them with nothing more than a tired expression since all she could see were blurry images without glasses, she was short-sighted. Amina clutched her arm and held it tightly to staunch the bleeding for a few seconds. After putting her beanie back on her head, and when the students had ran back to class due to not wanting to be late, she got up and walked to class. It took her roughly ten minutes just to get back to class, and by then, the first warning bell had rung, everyone looked at her when she limped inside. The teacher glared daggers from behind his pinched little glasses. "What are you doing?" He demanded harshly. "Not only are you late, I was just informed that you've vandalized school property, and the Principal's car! That's a serious code of misconduct." "I'm sorry," Amina murmured weakly, staring at the man with tired eyes. "I didn't..." She trailed off. Her shoulders sagged. Giving in would require less effort than defending herself. "Office! Now!" the man snapped. "You should have known better, Miss Green." "Yes, sir," Amina said in a raspy monotone. "Sorry for interrupting." Turning around, she walked out of the room. Her hands were shaking, but she made her way down to the office as bravely as she could. They thought she'd broken the car's window and dented it, which meant her parents would have to spend money.

Hell would be waiting back home, as she broke the rule that meant her life.

(I take inspiration from "Songs of Willow Frost", I love that book. It connects with me so.)