Chapter 4 - Anxiety. Loneliness. Fear.

Winter, 1983

Mariella and Landon are arguing.

Sephiroth sits against the edge of the step at the top of the stairs. His fingers curl around the banister rod. The moon shines through the window behind him, dragging his shadow down and cutting it up in strange ways. He hurts and his body aches. Every time when he tries to sleep, he closes his eyes to feel long nails crawl down his throat. If it isn't him, he's dreaming of a scary woman. He shakes at the shouts from below. He is so tired.

They argue in the kitchen. Charlie sits by him, his head heavy in his lap. A wet spot seeps on his leg where his mouth is. Sephiroth works his fingers through the fur on the dog's neck. The warm near the skin disappears at the ends of the yellow fur. They shout and then hush each other. Mugs and plates clatter.

Sephiroth didn't stand a chance at staying awake.

"Twenty minutes of mako exposure once a week for five weeks," Landon says, "It's too much."

Mariella's voice is high. "You've read it. I've read it. This is what he wants."

Feet scuffle on the tile. "This is too aggressive. Even for me."

"We can be careful. We can stop it if needed."

"Cellular degradation starts immediately with repeated exposure. I'm not even getting into memory loss."

Charlie's eyes come up to him as he shivers. Exposure is bad. The green stuff changes him. It makes him twist in and expand out. He's used to growing but this is different. His arms are thicker now, muscles grow where he only saw kid arms before. Sephiroth curls up closer against the banister. His fingers feel out all the imperfections in the wood.

Landon continues. "If we go with this plan, we cut his life in half. He won't make it to fifty. Guaranteed."

"I didn't know you cared, Landon."

There is a pause. Pots move around. "We have been doing this two and a half years. I do what I need to. He's a product and I'll drive him to achieve that but I still remember burping him or the first time that he tied his own shoes."

His arm tingles as he thinks about laying alone in the basement until they found him. The pain had pounded him so badly that he can't remember it. They wanted to do more of that? Sephiroth tastes blood in his mouth. He's split his lip again.

"We had a response. A good response. Let's study that instead of instigating further. Sephiroth's cells are still mutating from the last exposure," Landon says. Mugs click in the sink. Water splashes. The soap bottle squeals.

"He's not our kid up there, Landon. Hell, he's not a real kid at all. I like to pretend it too but a three year old can't read, alphabetize our library as a chore or learn fundamental electronics," Mariella says and the dishes stop. "He's a half Cetra. He's half a species that can save the planet and all the humans on it."

Charlie moves. Sephiroth jumps. He's not supposed to be hearing this conversation. He is sure of that.

The dishes clatter again.

"The people in SOLDIER have to sign a consent form. They get to read it with a real member of the R&D. If they have questions, we answer them honestly. If they don't do it, they sign an NDA and do something else. Sephiroth can read early chapter books."

"He's getting good at them too." She laughs.

"He thinks he's being sneaky about it."

"Of course he does. He's Sephiroth."

He wipes the cut on his lip. Landon pays attention to such things? He hides his reading, to keep out of the way and so he can dream of being the heroes on the covers. The pages make the mansion disappear. It is one of the only things that makes those round glasses collapse into a bad memory.

When he focuses again, the laughter stops. The dishes are being stacked.

"He is owned by Shinra. Hojo has the right to waive the consent form," Mariella says slowly. The water cuts off.

"Anxiety. Loneliness. Fear. Extreme cases, paranoia, statistically these increase greatly without pre-SOLDIER training. He could even be experiencing them now."

"Hojo knows that. He also knows that this happens only if the exposed are not given specific and emotional treatment. He's sent us a new program to implement with the exposure."

"What if he pulls us off the program? Halfway through someone else steps in and ruins it?" Landon asks.

"That's why we have to keep being the best scientists that we can be."

Sephiroth looks at the moonlight. Snowflakes are falling. Small dots fall down the stairs. Charlie snores next to him. They aren't his parents. The two adults were helpless at the dinner. They couldn't save or protect him. Their words feel thin and flimsy.

"He's three with maybe the emotional capability of a six year old. We could wait a year. Give time for the current mako to settle down. See how much we can physically enhance him. The Cetra instinct comes out naturally."

She pauses, "We can't think of him like that. We lose that game. You know that we lose that game. Project S loses. Midgar loses. Humanity swallows the last of the mako and starves."

"Objectivity," He says like how Sephiroth feels when he closes a finished book.

"He's an experiment. A cute, possibly very scared, project."

"We need to stop those nightmares."

"Memory loss might help him."

He chokes a laugh. "That's a terrible joke."

Sephiroth's blood runs cold. He pulls himself to his feet. The shadow pools at the bottom of the stairs.

"We will get our results and move on. There is no crime in what we are doing."

He wonders what Mariella would think about Landon if she knew the truth. Landon had sent him down to the basement all those weeks ago. Sephiroth was supposed to get a jar of peaches for dessert. It was to surprise her for dinner. Sephiroth had glanced at the strange wiring on the ceiling before the mako pipe burst.

He had been told to lie and if he didn't, he would be locked in the closet. The doctor's eyes told him this would be true. So Charlie had been running around and Sephiroth was chasing him. No one wondered about the dog. His pupils are brown and happy.

He starts back towards his bedroom. The fear is in his stomach. Mariella doesn't care for him, not truly. Landon does care for him but it is not enough. They are going to put him back in that dark place where he can't feel anything. Then when he wakes up, he will be trapped in bed. The mako will twist his arms and legs. It might even bend his mind.

They will lead him into the place that he cannot be.

He walks quicker.

So he's going to go instead.

I wonder how many of you suspected the "accident" from the beginning. I always knew so it is hard to tell.

Thanks for reading as always and happy holidays.

-Quin