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Chapter XI: a simpler time
Rick draws a deep breath, and he finds consolation in the fact that he chose to move forward. With his best efforts, his apartment is a zone of safety. Above all, Rick's home is his personal space, but Michonne has begun to take over said intimate space. She presently searches every corner for something, which Rick has yet to understand.
Rick watches Michonne move around his living room, and he does not know where to put himself. He feels like the odd element in his home. He stands out of her way, and he allows her to take over his space. Even with her broken arm, she appears to have enough arm to cause chaos around her. Rick draws a deep breath, and he only has to return every object to its previous spot. He needs to have a controlled environment, and Michonne appears to have an affinity for the disorder. He cannot help but question his decision to live with Michonne.
"Richard?" Michonne's voice drags Rick out of his reverie, and she only uses his full name when he utterly annoys her. Now, it means every second they spend with each other.
Rick moves away from the door where he leaned, and he hesitantly enters inside his living room. She has already taken possession of his home. He waits for Michonne to utter a word. Michonne stares at him with extreme frustration. A little frown creates lines on her forehead. Does she expect him to solve a riddle? She is going to pout and be gorgeous. Rick sighs, and he wonders what she has in reserve for him. Perhaps, rushing into sharing the same space was a mistake. Although, Rick decides to push the thought away. Efforts, he has to make some corrections, and he begins with growing patience.
"Tell me what has you in this state?" Rick asks, and his thumb caresses the lines on Michonne's forehead.
Rick stands too close for Michonne's serenity. His fragrance saturates the air, and the fabric of his shirt grazes her arm. Michonne finds his touch slightly odd by how tender he is, and she does not know if she has to lean into it or if she should erect impenetrable walls. Michonne does a hybrid of both. She pries his hand away from her forehead, but she keeps his hands in hers.
"Where is the vodka?" Michonne gives up on finding Rick's bar without his help.
She does not dare to look in his eyes. The softness of his sandalwood scent is already intoxicating her mind, and Michonne does not need to suffer through the charm of his eyes. She looks at the button of his shirt, and her fingers immediately latch it. She twists it left and right. Her other hand remains in Rick's hand.
Internally, Michonne wants to scream because the idiot has her acting like a blushing school girl. Rick's thumb flirts with the edge of Michonne's palms. He stares at Michonne, and he thinks about his words. He hardly hides his amusement at her small pout.
"I don't drink," Rick replies.
"I do," Michonne counters with a small exasperation.
She is not angry at Rick's answer. Michonne's frustration extends on her behaviour. If she continues to pull on his button, it will break and free a piece of skin. She should stop, but she oddly continues to test the button resistance.
"I know, and I have the worst first-hand experience with a drunken you," Rick whispers with a smirk spreading along his lips, " I had to dodge shoes," He bends to have his lips brush her ear, " I hardly rejected your advances in the male bathroom. That is a fantasy straight from a porn movie, and I had to dodge heels five seconds later. Drunk Michonne is a trip," Rick straightens, and he stares at Michonne with a teasing glee in the eyes.
His fragrance becomes overwhelming, and it smells like dreamy masculinity. Michonne rolls her eyes, and she tightly squeezes Rick's hand.
" I hear judgement," Michonne replies, and she sounds slightly defensive.
"a small one," Rick replies, and Michonne rolls her eyes, " A big one," He amends with a laugh.
If she was not apprehensive of his reactions, Michonne would enjoy the echoes of Rick's laughs. However, the frown on her forehead becomes deeper with each passing second of confusion and suspicion.
"Go ahead, call me an alcoholic." Michonne sighs, and she gears herself against Rick's bluntness.
She has heard enough of him calling her every name in the book. For once, he might not completely be too far from the truth. Michonne is not an alcoholic, but she has elected alcohol as her coping mechanism. However, in the last months, she has dealt with too much stress. Consequently, she has begun to drink more than she did three months ago.
" I've passed my daily quota," Rick chuckles, and he sounds notably amused.
Michonne cocks an eyebrow, and she is afraid that the lightness of the moment might pass. She pulls her hand out of Rick's one, and she needs a form of distance. She begins to move without actual purpose while she releases the button of Rick's shirt.
"A quota," She insists when Rick does not answer her silent question.
"I'm allowed to do something dumb once a day, and I think that I will keep in line for the rest of the night." Rick flashes his softest smile, and Michonne believes that she sees the ghost of a blush. " I'm sorry about earlier. You were trying to help, and I'm not good with help."
Michonne remains sceptical, and she fails to enjoy the moment. She can't quiet the anxiety, and she expects Rick to revert into anger. She stares at Rick, and she wants to ask him if he is feeling good. Michonne's hand reaches for Rick's lips, and her forefinger draws the line of his smile.
"I forgot how it looked," She hesitatively utters the words.
Michonne fears that the smile will disappear if she mentions it, but she cannot fight the desire to feel his smile under her fingers. She wants to know that it is real.
"I will try to keep it there for as long as I can," Rick genuinely promises.
He does not remember when his smile held a meaning. Rick does not know how he is going to keep his words, but he wants to remain hopeful. He kisses Michonne's palm, and the tenderness of the action prompts Michonne to remove her hand. Michonne has every intention to keep her walls high, and she needs the distance to do that. Rick does not hold it against her, and he steps back to recreate the gap, which they both need.
"You do that," Michonne says with a smile of her own, "and you get me a bottle of vodka." She adds while she begins to walk out of the living room.
Rick laughs, and he has no intention to help her fuel her addiction.
"Try water, and it is clear too. The last time you drank, I received a police call telling me that you had a car accident. Do I need to expend?" Rick asks with the ghost of a teasing smirk.
…
…
…
Michonne walks back into the room, and she rolls her eyes at Rick. Rick remains slightly amused by her display of irritation.
" The last time I was sober, I had sex with you. I am good at a bad decision without alcohol." Michonne replies.
Rick laughs, and he knows how dark Michonne's humour can get. He does not have to look at Michonne to know that she is wearing a smug smile.
" I see why you would say that. You broke your arm in that car accident, and I broke your back. That's equally bad," Rick replies with amusement.
"Did Richard Grimes junior make a joke? A bad joke but a joke," Michonne feigns excitement, and she resists her impulse to laugh.
"Now, I know you want to laugh at my joke. I'm going to be a southern gentleman. I will leave so you can laugh in peace." Rick teases, and he begins to leave the living room.
" Wait," Michonne calls for Rick, and he halts at the door frame.
She bites her lower lip for a few seconds, and Rick wonders what she intends to ask. He leans on the door frame, and he is not a miraculously cured asshole. If he sees Michonne squirm, he is going to make it worse. He stares at Michonne in a way, which is suggestive. He missed being in a situation when he made her stutter without a vile word.
Rick crosses his arms, and he waits for Michonne to defeat the abrupt wave of shyness. She draws a deep breath, and she mistakenly looks into his eyes. Her courage immediately deflates.
" Wife?" Rick purposely says to poke fun at Michonne.
Rick's smugness is enough to annoy Michonne, and it breaks the spell. She rolls her eyes for the hundredth time. He is going to drive her insane.
" You're such an asshole," For the first time since they met again, Michonne says it with lightness.
" part of my charms," Rick counters.
Michonne is less on her guards, and it is an oddity to have a banter with Rick. She almost sees the glimpse of who he used to be. Michonne stares at Rick with curiosity.
" Your charms?" She challenges, and Michonne does not want the moment to end.
She subconsciously holds on it. Michonne with all her mind wants to fight the attraction to Rick. However, there are moments like this one when she feels like the same teenager enamoured with her best friend's big brother. It is a sensation hard to disregard. Michonne crosses her arms, and she is relieved her dark hue hides her blush.
" You're the most qualified to speak about them," He counters with confidence, " You have been under them since you were thirteen." Rick chuckles.
Michonne's fingers frame Rick's chin, and she softly squeezes to stop him from laughing.
" I'm not encouraging you." Michonne replies with feigned annoyance, "I'm not offering a response to that. And then you're going to ask how big is your dick. It would get worse because well you're… I'm talking too much." She sighs, and she feels a bit nervous, " Now, I'm making your head bigger than it is already. Stop me anytime when you're ready…"
" First of all, I know how big I'm. Second of all, you're rambling because you need to ask me something embarrassing. Finally, I have taken your clothes off before, and so…" Rick knowingly puts Michonne out of her misery.
Michonne glares at Rick, and nothing can take away his amusement. Michonne scoffs, and she replies out of stubbornness and habits.
" When you did take my clothes off, I wanted to have sex with you…" She begins with hesitation, and she does not get to finish.
" And you make a better decision now," Rick teases.
" You know what I will manage with this single-arm," Michonne replies with frustration.
Rick cocks an eyebrow, but he does not argue. One does not argue with Michonne Jones when she speaks out of pride.
" You call me when you want to get naked," Rick says as he begins to walk out of the room.
" I said that I will manage,"
Phillip stares at his phone, and Michonne has rejected another call. He looks ahead of him, and he refuses to hide his frustration. He can care less about the woman laying on the other side of the bed.
" I have to talk to her," Philip expresses his frustration.
He stares at Andrea expecting an answer or anything remotely close. She sips from her glass of wine, and she drags her negligee up her shoulder. Andrea sighs, and she already had a conversation with Philip on the topic.
" I told you to stop worrying," She softly says, and she pecks his lips. The red of her lipstick stains Philip's lip, " it would be a mistake. What happens if she decides to record you or anything like that?" Andrea insists.
She does not believe that Michonne is gullible. Andrea caresses Philip's cheek. She would not think anyone to be so naïve. Even if, Michonne did not suspect the relationship between her boyfriend and Andrea. She never bought in the image of a southern belle.
" She is not that smart. Michonne thinks with her heart, and it is a big one. I don't see the point of going through all this shit when I could convince her to take the fall." Philip argues, " If we go to court, it is going to tarnish her image. I own her image, and it means I will be losing money." He sounds ultimately displeased.
Andrea sighs, and she cannot hide her frustration. The side piece position is not one to envy. This is a good opportunity to get Michonne out of her way.
" Look, I don't get why you don't do it my way. I know one of the officers in charge of the case, and he is willing to take the money. You did good moving her on the driver seat, but they are road cameras everywhere. If she refuses to take the fall, the investigation will be serious because she is a Hollywood starlet. Let pay the cop and have them temper with everything." Andrea proposes, and she knows how easy it is for her lover to fall.
The gravity of the situation escapes Philip, and he trusts the control, which he holds over Michonne. The accident is Philip's fault, and he never expected the paparazzi who he hired to be so aggressive. A drunk Michonne in the passenger seat did not help, nor did it help that he burned a red light to escape the same paparazzi who he hired. Now, he has a case of manslaughter in the hand.
As he said, Philip owns Michonne's image. Before it was lucrative to be in the tabloids and he planted the cocaine story. However, he did not expect the backlash to cause almost the destruction of Michonne's career. Paparazzi with a picture of her drunk and crying would have fueled the wrong rumours, Philip could not allow it.
" And where do you think that money comes from, Dre?" Philip replies with exasperation, " Look, I don't know what happened, but I have no access to her money anymore. What that fucking agent Morales asked is a lot of money. I don't have a lot of money. You don't have a lot of money. That bitch has the money." He shouts, and he resists the impulse to throw Andrea out of the apartment, which Michonne's money used to pay for the last years.
" We can still try court," Andrea bitterly insists.
" Stop being dumb, Dre," Philip aggressively says, " If I wanted a naïve girl right out of her country town, I will stick to Michonne. I will talk to her, and we will see how to have her make no time. We need her money. She signs your check and mine. She is smart with money." He adds with regrets.
He begrudgingly admits that Michonne has always been careful with her money. Each time Philip attempted to move it around, she always noticed the flaw in her finance. Fortunately, she never suspected him. She went straight to the accountants. However, now, he has no access to her money when he needs it the most. Philip needs to talk to Michonne. Therefore, he insists on the call.
Michonne slides her finger to reject Philip's call. She will eventually talk to him but on her time. She stares at the messages, which they exchange, and it is not enough. She knows every one believes her to be naïve, and she is on some topics. However, she knows Philip Blake better than anyone.
Philip thinks faster than many people, and it is not above him to play dirty. Michonne met Philip when she was young and naïve. She was still dealing with the aftermath of Rick's departure. Her entire world had fallen apart, and the entire family was not the happiest at the time. Coming to the big city felt like a deep breath, and she wanted a piece of happiness.
The Grime ranch had become a sad place. Michonne felt as if everyone hated her in that place. Maggie had been clear on who was to blame for Rick's departure. She had done so subtly, but Michonne had heard it loud and clear. The year between her eighteen and nineteen, king county was hell. Rick's memory haunted the entire town. It was her fault if he was gone.
When she met Philip, he sold her a dream, which she needed to buy. Michonne was a black girl from a small town. Yes, she was well off and beautiful, but it did not sell. She could not find an agent, and her talent was going to waste. Philip Blake came in with his stories, and Michonne clung to them. She did not want to go home because it was no longer her home without Rick. She did not want to live off her grandpa wealth because she was always independent. She learned from Rick. He always used to say that he could not rest on grandpa Richard's money, and he would make so much of his own money. Michonne wanted the same thing. She always wanted what Rick Grimes wanted.
Philip did help her to success, and Michonne is nothing but loyal. Therefore, loyalty drove her to date him. He was way older, and she was naïve. Fear of loneliness forced her to stay in that relationship. However, throughout the year, Michonne has learned Philip's playbook.
First thing, you always need to know what he is planning. He does not play by the rules. He won't sit and allow justice to run its course. She knows how stupid she sounds when she claims that she needs to understand. However, Michonne wants to understand Philip's intention. It goes beyond making her take the fall, and Philip loves to brag. Talking to him is the easy way to find how he intends to have her pay for his crime.
Michonne continues to scroll through her messages, and she has not had time to do so at the hospital. There are many messages from her bank. She draws a deep breath. Michonne promises herself to call the bank to see how much Philip attempted to move around. She restricted her account as soon as they fought in king county.
For a long time, Michonne knew that Philip did not always use the money for business' purposes. As a successful independent singer, Michonne pays for everything on the professional level, and it was easier to allow her manager access to the account. However, Michonne grew up on the lap of her grandpas while they introduced Rick to basic business rules. She knows always to protect her money. Michonne closed his access to her money as soon as she got tired of Philip taking advantages of her kindness.
…
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…
Her phone begins to ring again, and Michonne sighs. She is about to reject the call when Rick enters the room. She looks up when she catches his steps. She watches him pick a bottle of water from the fridge, and she does not expect him to stick around her. Since their earlier conversation, He has kept to his office, and Michonne has explored the house. She is yearning for a shower, but she is not giving Rick a victory. Michonne will think of a way to undress without Rick's help.
" Are you going to pick your phone?" Rick asks as he draws the chair facing Michonne.
Michonne sighs, and she remains uncomfortable around Rick. How hard can it be to decide what she feels? Michonne does not know if she wants to crawl on his lap or if she wants to accuse him of every evil on the world. Rick pushes the frame of his glasses on his nose, and for a second, Michonne has her mind made. She wants to crawl on his laps. He always looked too good with his goofy and big reading glasses. Perhaps, she has a professor kink. Michonne sighs again, and she straightens her back. She is not a teenager. She does not fall for the cheap trick and southern charm.
" no one of importance," Michonne replies, and she expects Rick to return to his office.
Rick does not move. He is not as comfortable as he looks. He is avoiding sleep, and he does not want to have the past haunt his dreams. Rick is slightly irritable. Oddly, his reflex is to go to Michonne. He sits his bottle on the table. Rick silently promises himself not to be unreasonable. He needs to be around Michonne. However, he does not trust himself not to react out of habit.
" No one is insistent," Rick states as Michonne's phone begins to ring again, " No one is someone who I should know about or no?" He bluntly asks.
Michonne looks at Rick, and she faces glimpse of that controlling side. She promises herself to explore the topic when she has the heart for an argument. Everything is causes of a potential argument.
" Well, you would know about insisting…" Michonne replies, and she always appears to mirror Rick's emotion.
" Let say only fools give up on you," Rick quietly replies, and he takes a sip of his water.
Michonne rolls her eyes, but his words of flattery are soothing. She leans on her seat, and she quickly sends a text.
Not now, I will call you back. She sends to appease Philip.
Michonne returns her focus on Rick. She looks at him with a subtle interest. She has not taken the time to look at him at the content of her heart since they met again. He is gorgeous, and it is an unfair advantage. Michonne wishes she could overlook how handsome he is to focus on the ugliness, which he can display.
" You did far worse than giving up," Michonne gives in the need to express her frustration, and she needs to vent about ten years of a wide range of emotion, " You walked out. Not on me on everyone, and they all knew it was my fault."
Rick does not have the appropriate response on the tip of his tongue. He feels too early to explore the topic, and they are too fragile to kick into the walls keeping them sane. He thinks about walking back into his office. He could stay there until he does not feel like kicking in a wall. Rick pushes his chair back, and he stands to leave.
" Don't," Michonne sighs, and she wants his company now, "What happened to try." She holds his words against him, and Rick has no choice but to sit.
" Is it a conversation, which you want to have?" Rick genuinely inquires.
Michonne only nods, and it is long overdue. Ten years is enough time to have processed. Rick's hand moves his hair behind his ears. He takes a big gulp of his water.
" In the first years, I got obsessed. I would overthink it. I needed to know what I did wrong, and so I will find you to fix it." She confesses, " I came to this city to find you. I didn't come because I wanted to be a star. I would have gone to LA instead. I did not want to go home without you because everyone thought it was my fault." Michonne searches her pocket, and she finds a cigarette, which she cannot light on because of her broken arm.
She throws the cigarette on the kitchen island. Nothing is going to make her feel good. She does not even know why she brushes the topic. Now, she wants him to disappear. She wants Rick to lock himself in that office, and he should never come out.
Rick removes his glasses, and he carefully places them on the table. He pinches his nose. The timing to have this conversation is not perfect. He pulls on his bracelet. He thinks of Michonne's anger, and she has every right in the world to be furious. Therefore, he thinks of it as an easy way to remain level headed. Michonne can be angry on his behalf. She is good at canalising his emotions.
" I always had a form of control on you. You did what I asked because you wanted to do it. It was nothing perverse. You trusted me not to abuse it." Rick muses, and their relationship is an intricate balance of power. " but that Christmas morning everything was falling apart. My whole world was crumbling, and I needed to feel in control. I needed you. You could give me everything. So I took it. I twisted it in that anger." Rick admits, "You don't think about it around me. You ease up into submissive. It happens every single time. As if you understand that I need control. You give it to me when you are trying to please me. I'm no longer your Rick, and you should not trust me not to be stupid." Rick adds with quiet displeasure, " I need to control everything around me, and with you, I go overboard." He confesses with a heaviness in his voice, and Rick has only brushed the tip of the iceberg.
Michonne does not reply immediately. She is aware of how easy it feels to give control to Rick. She fails to remember how tyrannical he can be. It suffices of a piece of intimacy for Michonne to give into Rick Grimes need. She feels too safe around him.
" I have begun to understand it." Michonne replies, " You're not perfect, and you do stupid things." She adds with a small smile, " stupid thing like hiring a lawyer for me without telling me. Are you going to tell me that the police questions my involvement in manslaughter?" Michonne asks with a frustrated tone.
Rick looks at Michonne, and his vicious side is lurking under the surface. Sometimes, a simple conversation draws the worse out of Rick. His fingers begin to tap rhythmically on the kitchen island.
"No," Rick's answer us concise, and he is reluctant to clarify the situation.
Michonne sighs and they have hit a wall. Rick, she can read him without any effort. It is so easy to go the usual path, and they are good at screaming match.
" That is controlling and belittling me," Michonne points out, " people left and right try to decide for me, and I'm tired. I think it is time I handle my life." She finds the strength to say.
" I'm trying to protect you," Rick manages to converse with calm, and he thinks about every word. He is not going to do anything stupid.
Michonne looks at Rick with scepticism. She matches his level of calm, and it is odd to have a conversation.
" I'm not five," Michonne points out.
"I can see," Rick counters with exasperation.
" You can see, but you can't process. You don't have to protect me from anything that concerns me. I don't need a big brother." She hits the nail on the coffin.
" I know…" Rick shows his growing frustration, " You can ruin your life and do all your shit like a big girl."
" We are not fighting," Michonne softly says, and she has to reign in her temper. " your fucking quota."
Rick blinks, and he looks at Michonne. He draws a deep breath.
" It is hard," Rick breathes the words, " to think that we have to rebuild. It is to hard to understand that I cannot shield you from the world. I don't want to share you with the world. I'm scared that I'm going to hurt so bad. I know…" He eases into the conversation, " I have already done that, but I can do worse. Don't allow me to do worse." Rick extends his hand for Michonne to take, " I get it that I shouldn't, but fuck it, you're mine. I don't want you to hurt. I want to protect you from everything and everyone." He admits, and Michonne intertwines.
" Are you protecting me from you?" She asks with a clear knowledge.
" I'm not doing the best job at it, but I tried for as long as I remember. It does not matter how I do it if it kept you far away. You don't see it as well as I do, but there is no much of me that you want to love." Rick replies.
Michonne wants to argue, and the pink glasses have never come off her eyes. She has a tunnel vision of Rick Grimes. She needs a hard reminder to admit that he has flaws, and those flaws often hurt Michonne.
"I'm just too selfish to let you go, and I'm too scared to let you in, Chonne. I can't unravel again. I fucking need control, and I might hurt you in the process. I hurt myself in the process, but I cannot give up on you. I need you to know how twisted it is in here," Rick explains, and his forefinger points at his conflicted heart.
"Not as perfect as you remember." Rick laughs in derision, " A fucking shell of a man. So yeah, there is not much to love…" He does not get to finish his statement because Michonne hits his arm.
Rick stares at Michonne in confusion. He silently questions why she chose that moment to hit him when he has deserved it earlier.
" once you told me if you do stupid things, I need to hit you as hard as I can. Don't worry I hit harder now. Stop being my honorary big brother." Michonne explains, and she does not want to hear Rick argue about how worthless he is because she knows that it is far from the truth, " It is even weird because you are kind of my husband."
" Kind of only…" Rick teases with an odd lightness
" Work in progress," Michonne smiles, " have to convince me how deserving you're. Remember that little monologue in the hospital, and I'm not saying that it worked. I heard you, and I might have liked it even the cockiness." She adds with a laugh.
Rick looks at Michonne, and he does not know what magic she works. However, she influences his emotions. She can drive him mad, and there is a rare moment like this when he feels at peace with her.
" I will take what I get," Rick replies
"Good," Michonne squeezes his hand
"Now, you need to fix an appointment with my lawyer." She demands with determination.
"Michonne…" Rick takes his hand from Michonne, and the progress does not mean complete change, " I can handle it. I need to handle it." His need for control has not suddenly disappeared.
" Say it with me You aren't my big brother, you are a man trying to get in my pants." Michonne remains unbothered.
Rick laughs, and he did not expect to laugh when he walked into the kitchen. The though is sudden, but he thinks that he has not been so close to happiness in years.
"That is not an answer," Michonne insists
"I will have it arranged, but I have conditions," Rick replies, and he has a difficult time compromising with Michonne.
" Now can you also arrange for a bottle of vodka so I can endure your conditions? " Michonne tacitly agrees to compromise.
Rick puts back his glasses, and he offers his bottle of water to Michonne.
" I introduce you to vodka, and I might as well save you from it." He kisses Michonne's forehead.
" Things I did for a silly crush, " Michonne sighs, and it was a simpler time.
" Things you did for love," Rick corrects. " I thought of your pillows. It is far too late to think about how in love of you were. See you tomorrow Michonne." He walks out of the room, and he returns to kiss her forehead,
"Goodnight, Rick," Michonne calls.
" Goodnight, Mimi ." He replies, and he returns to kiss her forehead for the second time. " remember hit as hard as you can if I do something stupid."
"Okay…" She laughs.
Michonne's mind drifts to that simpler time when Rick was perfect. That younger version of herself would cry tears of joy if she knew that she would marry Rick. Michonne almost misses that time.
Although, she has a burgeoning hope, which she fails to suffocate. She watches Rick walk out of the room, and she thinks of how easy it could be between them. It was easier when they were not all this perversity of emotions. She could trust him never to hurt her. Now, she does not know if he will hurt her on purpose or because he wants to protect her from him.
Michonne wants to return into those simpler times where she did not question how controlling Rick could be. She only trusted him to do good by her. Things she did for love in that simpler time make hold hope, and Michonne will continue to think that Rick Grimes is the perfect man for her. Rick is not completely lost to her.
…
…
…
For many years, it was genuine trust. Feelings came, and the scale shifted in one side. Rick always had to know that he had that power over Michonne, and he could not abuse it. She is a blossoming teenager, and he is a young adult. The easiness to blur the line is so big. Yet, Rick always strives not to break Michonne's trust. The neediness, the yearning, the not so brotherly desire exist.
Rick is twenty one when he understands how much control he has on Michonne. He does not think that she remembers. However, he would never forget how close they came to unimaginable chaos.
It is the night of his twenty-first birthday. Rick is drunk out of his mind. Shane is sleeping on the couch of Rick's apartment. Daryl is emptying his stomach in the bathroom. However, the door endlessly rings. When Rick finally opens the door, he thinks that he is having another very inappropriate dream. He is so drunk that he only registers that she is real when she hugs him.
" hey, baby?" He returns her hug, and she does not know how to react. " Oh fuck, I said it aloud. Hey, Michonne." Rick corrects.
Michonne blinks, and Rick has been cold since he came for Christmas. He does not even call her Chonne or Mimi anymore, and so this is a bit weird. She expects him to yell at her because Michonne has no business being in New York. She has kind of run away from home, and she took the bus to be with Rick on his birthday. They spend their birthdays together, but this year, she does not know why Rick is ignoring her. He missed her birthday, and he did not bother to call. He has stopped picking her calls. She wants to make things right, and so a bus to New York felt like an amazing idea. Until it took the entire day, and she arrived so late at Rick's place.
" Hello, Rick and please don't shout," Michonne says when Rick finally frees her from his tight embrace.
He stares at her with slight confusion, and he wonders why he would shout. Rick only wants to tell Michonne how much he misses her. The alcohol is greatly impairing his judgment. He pulls her inside the apartment, and he drags her to his room.
" Do you want anything to drink?" Rick asks, and he is picking the half-emptied bottle of vodka, " How old are you again?" He asks while already putting the bottle in her hand.
Michonne stares at Rick, and she takes the bottle. Everything always seems like the right thing to do when Rick suggests it.
" Sixteen," She replies after her first gulp of vodka, and Michonne begins to cough.
" A fucking problem," Rick replies, and he takes the bottle from Michonne's hand, " This is…" He points between them, " A fucking problem." He returns the bottle to Michonne.
" You're okay, " Michonne asks, and she gulps another sip of vodka, " You're not shouting."
By now, Rick should begin his big brother routine, but instead, they are passing around a bottle of vodka. He lies on his bed, and he taps on the empty side. Michonne lies by his side, and she rests her head on his chest as she always does when they share a bed. Rick kisses her forehead. She does not know why she worried about the state of their relationship.
"I'm drunk," Rick announces, " If I do anything stupid, hit me as hard as you can."
Michonne looks at Rick, and she has been drinking the vodka as if it is water. She smiles to agree, and Rick's forefinger draws the curve of her lips.
"You're perfect," Michonne states, " You don't do anything stupid. You don't pick my call, but you don't do other stupid things." She clarifies.
Rick takes the bottle from Michonne, and it is almost empty. He drains it and throws it to the floor. He looks at his watch, and Rick knows that his plan for tonight is not coming to fruition. Shane, Daryl, and he should have gone to the club, but Daryl cannot handle his liquor.
Rick looks at Michonne, and he thinks of doing something stupid. He does not think of it long because there is an ounce of sense remaining. He laughs at what Michonne says.
" You have a silly crush on me, baby." He adds, and Rick rests his chin on Michonne's head. " You think I'm perfect, and I don't want to disappoint you."
"I don't have a crush on you," Michonne argues, " I love you." She corrects because a crush goes away quickly, but love is a different feeling. It is far from silly.
" Let me guess, you want to marry me," Rick asks with uttermost seriousness.
Michonne nods, and her eyes are hopeful on Rick. He tucks a lock behind her ear. He kisses her cheek.
"You want to have children with me too," He jokes for a second because it is a silly thought.
Michonne nods, and she has in mind what their children would look like since she was thirteen.
" Like I said a silly crush," Rick repeats.
Michonne does not feel like having her feeling insulted. She moves to straddle Rick. He has a moment of sluggishness. They are both drunk, and Michonne is bold.
"I love you," Michonne repeats, " I can show you," she drags her shirt over her head.
She leans to kiss Rick, and he has effective reflexes. He dodges. The idea does linger in his head. He does not always have the purest thought when he is sober. However, when he is drunk, Rick has a mind to have what he wants. He wants Michonne, and she is always so willing to give him what he wants. However, she also trusts him. He will always protect her, and even if it is against himself. She is sixteen, and he is twenty-one. Things between them are always flirting with indecency.
" Put your shirt back, Michonne." He feels sober, " Michonne, don't." Rick takes Michonne's shirt, and he quickly drags it down her chest when she attempts to take off her bra. " Now, can you get off me." Michonne reluctantly obeys, " I told you to hit me if I do something stupid. And what do you do? You are trying to do something stupid." The yelling begins, and Michonne is drunker by each second.
"Rick?" She whispers, and she immediately gets his attention, " I'm not feeling good." Vomit comes to punctuate her statement.
From a lecture, Rick spends his birthday holding Michonne's hair while she pukes. He suffers through the tears because she wants to prove that she loves him. In Rick's life, he never sobered up as quickly as he did that night.
Rick knows the type of power, which he yields over Michonne. She will do the most reckless thing to prove her love. He never thought of using it until he felt as if he needed to control his environment. He only felt right that he controlled his world. Unfortunately, Rick's universe narrowed to Michonne.