I don't own the walking dead
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A.N: if you follow me on Tumblr, you might be very aware that I have a crazy schedule because I'm an internist doctor at a public hospital, and it means nightshift, weekend shift, and many more fall on my shoulders. I' m also looking for residency. So, time is quite a luxury I barely have. Now, I have not abandoned anything, or I would have deleted the story plain and simple. So please just wait for the update, they will come on due time. to the many guests who believe update soon magically create time in my schedules, stop spamming my email, y all giving me false hope about receiving important email , and don't make me delete your fav story because i don't want to receive an update soon ten time a day. feel free to pm me here or on tumblr if you need to ask about a fic update.
thanks.
Chapter XII:
"Don't you dare," Michonne warns Rick, and she draws a deep breath to hide her discomfort.
Rick's lips welcome a smirk, and he questioningly cocks an eyebrow. He knows Michonne will feel the silence. He feigns to focus on the task ahead. Michonne rolls her eyes.
" just stop," Michonne groans, and Rick's answer is again to cock his eyebrow, " say it. Go ahead and gloat." She gives up all subtle indifference.
Michonne waits for Rick to remark. Instead, Rick decides to feign innocence. Getting under Michonne's skin in a non-harmful manner has become a great way to return the balance in their relationship.
" oh my god, you're the worst." Michonne sighs, and she carefully watches Rick's expression, " Grimes, go ahead." She says.
Rick chuckles, and he continues to focus on the button of Michonne pyjama. He allows her to stew in her discomfort. Rick is purposely slow, and Michonne waits for him to gloat. Button by button, he reveals her silky skin and the arc of her firm breast.
" I have nothing to say, Chonne," Rick says, but his eyes pointedly say a lot. " You're paranoid, wife." He adds to tease her.
Michonne rolls her eyes. She knows Rick Grimes better than she does the back of her hand. He will celebrate the smallest win. She did try to remove her clothes alone, but Michonne almost twisted her arm when she did last night. This morning, she has no choice, and she has to take the help, which she refused last night.
" you want to, and you have it on the tip of your tongue." Michonne insists, and she suspiciously looks at Rick.
He laughs because he wants to add to his wife's annoyance. For many years, they have lost the chance to experience this side of their relationship. For once, there is no gravity to the moment. They are only playful.
" Paranoia," Rick teases.
He makes an extra effort to keep his comment to himself. It is refreshing to be free around Michonne. Although, some of the anger and melancholy remain. The regrets have not disappeared. However, Rick has a grip on the situation.
" I'm sure it's something about my boobs." Michonne presses the issue, and Rick only answer is to chuckle and open another button, " free yourself with the truth." Her forefinger pocks Rick's chest.
" Are you fishing for a compliment?" Rick's hands still on Michonne's waist.
His eyes display the rawness of Rick's emotion. His thumbs repetitively graze the curve of her hips. Michonne draws a shallow breath. She does not know what to make of Rick. The newfound playfulness and his effort, Michonne does not know how to welcome it. She is afraid of how fast everything can return to chaos. She has no idea how much her car accident has affected Rick, and so Rick's abrupt change scares Michonne. She does not want to build a castle of hope.
" Not at the moment," she steps out of Rick's touch, and he immediately closes the distance. Their relationship is borrowing from a tango." presently, I'm waiting for that snarky or inappropriate comment about my boobs" Michonne adds with insistence.
Rick shakes his head in amusement. He delicately pushes Michonne's locks away from her face and shoulders. He rests his hand on Michonne's shoulders, and his thumbs graze the notch of her collar. He slides his hands under the pyjama's shirt.
" oh you're going to wait forever," Rick replies with a smirk, and he delicately moves his hand on Michonne's shoulder to push the sleeves of her shirt down, " If I had to comment, it would have been on your ass. It would have been highly inappropriate" he leans and suavely whispers in her ear.
Rick pushes Michonne's shirt down her arms, and he is careful not to pull on her broken forearm. Michonne's healthy arm comes to cover her bare breasts. It is strange how she is overly aware of his presence. He has seen her naked before, and yet, Michonne feels as if it will be different now.
" Since when you are into ass," Michonne asks with scepticism and extensive knowledge of Rick's exes.
Rick pulls Michonne to him. She keeps her arm on her breast, and it becomes stuck between their bare chests. It is only upon contact that Michonne notices that Rick is only wearing pyjama's pants. She breathes to clear her mind. Michonne pushes away memories of their first time together. She strongly believes that sex would only ruin whatever they are attempting to build. However, her body is holding a different discourse. She shivers while Rick's warmth spread to her.
" Since never, I've recently converted." He replies with a meaningful smile, and his hands leave Michonne's back to rest on her waistline, "If it is a thang, I guess." Rick adds, and his fingers flirt with the hem of Michonne's lace panty.
" Please…" Michonne pretends to remain cool under Rick's caress, and she wants to show that he does not have overpowering effects on her," what brought the conversion," she forces her mind to stay on topic.
Rick leans impossibly closer to Michonne. His body almost hugs each of her curves. Without Michonne's arm between their chests, their bodies would easily melt into each other.
" my wife," Rick breathes the words with his mouth pressed to Michonne's neck.
Michonne shivers, and her mind is racing. The lines, which she attempted to draw, begin to lose their meaning. Rick's hands leave Michonne's lower back to rest on her ass.
" I knew you would say something," Michonne blurts to kill the mood.
She wants to return to the lightness of a few minutes ago. The tension between them is overwhelming. Rick's caresses cover her brain with fogginess. Michonne almost wants Rick too much to think straight, and she believes that he is aware of it.
" Yet, I haven't said a thang." Rick's chuckles reverberate in Michonne's skin, and she feels his smile against her jaws. His lips close to dropping a kiss on the corner of the jawline, " As for your compliment, you look beautiful with whatever you have on your eyes." He suavely adds.
Rick's lips are a breath away from Michonne's one, and it is breath, which she is afraid to draw. He waits and allows Michonne to back out. Rick's nose grazes Michonne's cheek. One of Rick's hand comes up to frame her visage. His thumb rubs Michonne's lower lip.
" Micro herbal eye mask." Michonne pushes the words in a quick breath.
"That," Rick whispers with sensual nonchalance.
He draws Michonne impossibly close to him. She removes the arm on her chest, and their bare skins brush and stick to each over. Michonne holds a moan when Rick's hand on her ass easily presses her to his growing erection. Michonne looks into Rick's eyes, and she immediately regrets it. His eyes are gripping. She can only blame herself and the memories of their night together.
" Do you want one?" Michonne asks with a need for distraction.
" Do I want one?" Rick repeats with slight amusement.
"The eye mask," Michonne clarifies.
" I know, baby," Rick replies.
His voice carries a tenderness, which makes the butterflies in Michonne's stomach riot. She continues to think of the consequence of a single kiss. Perhaps, she rethinks her resolves. She considers how stressful the last weeks have been. Rick made it stressful, and he could make it better.
" Do you want me to have one to stall? " Rick knowingly asks.
"Maybe," Michonne considers her options.
What would it cost? She has survived great sex with Richard Grimes junior. Barely, she admits that it took all her will power not to go insane. The conditions are different, and yet, there is a volatile nature to their new situation.
"Or," Rick senses Michonne's turmoil.
Rick knows Michonne so well that he can read into the small shift of her facial expressions. Now, with that forehead crease and the repetitive lower lip bites, Rick presumes that she is having a moral dilemma. He slightly steps back to give Michonne room to think. Rick makes his dumbest decision when Michonne is the sole focus of his mind. He doubts that she is different. Their track records speak volume.
" I can't have sex with you until we know what we're doing." Michonne sighs.
The truth is liberating. She looks at Rick for a reaction. He smirks as if he already knew the answer. His thumb offers another tender caress, and Rick takes the necessary steps to create the needed distance between them.
"Okay…" He draws a deep breath, and Rick is happy that Michonne puts an end to the moment. It is subconscious, but Rick sees sex as an easy exit. Emotions are harder to process than a quick fuck. He does not want to fall into old demons with Michonne. However, Rick has habits, which have become second nature. " You're kind of the wisest between us," Rick admits with a depreciating chuckle.
" Am I though?" Michonne challenges.
She could give so many examples of the mistake, which she makes and made to appease him. Michonne draws a shaky breath. She wants to admit that it is not always Rick's fault. They are extremely fusional. For the best and the worst, they fit together in an intricate puzzle. It means contorting out of shape sometimes.
The need to gravitate toward Rick often clogs Michonne's wisdom. Their living arrangement is an example. She could see all the flaws in Rick's logic. Michonne thought of the consequences. None of it was stronger than the magnetic pull, which Rick exerted on her.
Rick's hand again finds Michonne's face, and his second hand comes to frame her delicate visage. He brings his forehead to hers, and he tenderly kisses the tip of Michonne's nose. She closes her eyes, and they draw a breath in symbiosis. Somehow, in the air, there is a hope of what they could be if they could mould themselves into fitting pieces of the puzzle of their love.
Rick loves Michonne beyond what he thinks of expressing. Michonne adores Rick in a way that words lacks the depth to display such strength. Therefore, it becomes easier in both sides to act in an unexplainable way. Rick's lips brush Michonne's one. A taste of him is a temptation hard to resist. Michonne's nails dig in Rick's muscle. She feels as if she is falling from higher than anyone can imagine, and so Michonne clings on Rick.
"I want you," Rick quietly says, and his body speaks volume. Michonne understands how the physical aspect means little to Rick's confession, " and in a way, it is easy to say fuck the consequences," Rick adds while he ponders on the thought of kissing his wife. " not the wisest way to think."
Michonne sighs, and she can only accept that they switched position. Rick is no longer the one, who must think of the greater good. He ultimately can recklessly run after who he wants. Now, Michonne is the one who must make sure they avoid chaos. It feels like an impossible task. She wants to give in, and she wants to serve to Rick that instantaneous happiness. Although, she understands how everything will come crumbling at their feet.
"I want you too," Michonne admits, and she bravely draws a deep breath fills with his perfume to grasp on a piece of Rick.
"I know," He sounds as cocky as ever, but she does not miss the fragile hope, which resonates in the breath that he releases.
Rick dives to kiss Michonne. Resisting feels so futile. The consequences would never matter. They will eventually fight hard if they go through with their wanting. However, Rick only wants to kiss Michonne.
"Rick," she pulls away, and his lips graze her cheek, " I'm giving us a chance." Michonne knowingly adds.
They exchange a meaningful look for a few seconds. Rick kisses Michonne's forehead, and his fingers disappear in her locks. This morning, he needs to touch in any form. Small caresses, his thumb grazing her palm, or his fingers lost in her hair quiet his thoughts.
" I know," Rick reluctantly agrees, " Maybe, the apartment is big enough to avoid each other for a minute. " He suggests from experience.
" No," Michonne firmly replies, and she does not want to walk on eggs, "I haven't spent a night alone since the hospital. Last night was awful. I didn't want to be…" She hesitates, and the will to say her mind fades, " Am I sounding needy?" Michonne asks with frustration.
" Are you inviting me to your bed?" Rick attempts to clarify her words.
" No, absolutely not." Michonne replies with determination in her voice," All, I'm saying is that I have a big issue with loneliness. Your home is big, and I don't…" She thinks about the appropriate formulation for her statement, "I kind of missed you for ten years. Now, it feels like I am getting you back." She looks into Rick's eyes, and what they express warms Michonne, " I'm not inviting you in my bed, but I'm trying to let you in my life." She finishes with a deep breath.
Michonne cannot take those words back, and she does not want to hide them. Rick would kiss Michonne if he did not understand how they need to retrieve their friendship. He wants to win his wife, but Rick also yearns from their beautiful friendship.
" You can't say thangs like this, and think that I won't try to show you how much I need you." Rick states.
Rick pulls Michonne to him, and he crushes her into a tight hug. His chin rests on the crown of her head. Rick does not remember the last time when he allowed himself to be vulnerable.
" I know," Michonne nuzzles Rick's neck" but a step a day. I can't…" She pulls out of the hug.
" I get it," Rick says as he begins to walk out of the room.
Jessie looks at Pete, and she fails to hide her disgust. She begins to pace like a lion in a cage. Her angry eyes once again befall on Pete. She draws a deep breath, and she has no time for pretence.
" Do you know what will happen to you?" Jessie softly asks.
She walks up to Pete's desk, and she sits. Jessie's hands frame Pete's visage, and her thumbs caress his cheeks.
" They will find out that Richard senior did not receive his treatment. The police will look into you, and all your shady business will come to light." She explains with an easy smile.
Pete pries Jessie's hand, and he rises from his seat. He glares at her with growing frustration. He draws open the cupboard, and he pulls a flask. He eagerly drinks from it, and the warmth of scotch burns his throat.
" shut up…" Pete grunts.
The sound of her voice irritates him, and he is immune to her manipulation. Pete takes another sip of his liquor. He is tired of her rant, and he fails to contain his frustration.
" If it wasn't for you and that old man, we wouldn't be in this situation." Pete spits with viciousness, and he glares at Jessie.
He drains the flask, and he only wants to drink more as the seconds pass. Jessie steps down the desk, and she approaches Pete.
" If you weren't dumb enough to leave your traces behind, I wouldn't have to kill him." Jessie counters and there is no reason to be tactful. " whatever I ask of you, you can't do. Fucking useless." She shouts.
Pete has enough of the conversation. The flask falls from his hand, and he immediately closes his fist. Jessie has no time to react when he hits her across the face. Her facial muscles throb, and the pain is unbearable. The tears pull in her eyes. Pete hits her harder, and his fingers close around her hair. Jessie attempts to move away from Pete, but he yanks her back to him. Pete's free hand closes around Jessie's throat. Pete rests his head on Jessie's shoulder, and the foul scent of alcohol makes Jessie's eyes teary.
" shut up…fucking shut up, stupid bitch." Pete says as he tightens his grip around Jessie's neck. " I should have never listened to you. I should have dumped your ass as the golden boy did. The one who was wise enough to let you deal with old dick and the bullshit." He cannot hide his venom, and he can no longer hold it down. The words flow, and the truth is virulent. " at the beginning it felt like a good deal, I only had to give you good dick and avoid the insanity. I did not have to deal with the crazy, and it is a lot. I'm fucking tired. You want this solve. Here." Pete digs through his pocket, and he pulls a set of key.
Jessie attempts to fight his grip, but he hits her with the back of his hand. Her lower lip burst open, and she swallows a sob. Pete shoved her into a wall. He pulls one key out, and he presses it against Jessie's chest.
" the morgue's key," He says, and he releases it, " You can fix the problem all by your grown self, and you can take the senile man with you. I'm over your shit. Do as you and get out of my office." Pete hurls, and he pushes her toward the door.
Jessie wipes her bloody lip, and she pushes her dishevelled hair away from her eyes. She glares at Pete with hatred and disgust.
" Once this is over, I will make you pay for your foolishness." Jessie walks away without listening to Pete's answer.
Pete does not care to answer, and he stares at the space Jessie left. He knows her threats are real. His head is heavy with regrets and anger. He should have done like the golden Grimes. He should have walked away from Jessie long ago.
Michonne switches off her phone, and she pushes it down her purse. She walks through the corridors with as much confidence as she can. She knows the eyes are on her, but she forces herself to remain focused.
" You didn't have to come," Michonne quietly says to Sasha, who stands by her side. " between you and Rick, I can't breathe." She adds with frustration.
Sasha rolls her eyes, and she does not understand why Michonne feels the need to fight every battle alone. She continues to keep up with Michonne's long steps.
" It can't be that hard to understand that we're trying to help, and you should let us help," Sasha replies.
Michonne rolls her eyes, and she shakes her head at the euphemism. Everyone wants to dictate how she breathes and thinks. After years of limbo with Philip, Michonne craves freedom and independence. The yearning for a grasp of herself and freedom render her reluctant to explore more of her marriage with Rick.
" I'm sure it comes from a good place, but I need to breathe." Michonne softens, and she attempts to clarify her emotions, " So much happened. I mean…I have a lot on my plate, and…" she stops mid-sentence because she is unwilling to share her intimacy with Rick.
Their intimacy is so fragile, and Michonne does not know if it will last. Michonne sighs, and she looks at Sasha with a telling discomfort.
" Give it time," Sasha intuitively replies, " Rick does not want to hurt, and everything, which he does, is to protect you. You might not like everything, but he is not out to hurt you." She finishes with a heaviness in her voice.
Michonne stops, and she wants to ask what Sasha is implying. There is a gravity in the tone of Sasha's voice, and Michonne hears a pang of shallow guilt.
" I might not like everything…" Michonne isolates the sentence, and why does it sound oddly specifics, " Sasha is that everything something in particular." She adds with the uttermost interest.
Sasha does not flinch, and she is as guilty as Rick is. She fixes a serene expression on her face. Sasha won't forgive herself if Michonne finds out about the miscarriage.
" Why?" she asks to deflect, " Do you think Rick Grimes share deep and profound secrets with me?" Sasha laughs, and she looks at Michonne in a questioning way, " If your jealousy is making you paranoid, I will tell you that for as long as I have known Rick, we have been nothing but friends. He did not look at me like nor did I look at him too. He was too busy castigating himself over what he felt for you." She finishes.
Michonne does not reply, and she begins to walk again. She draws a deep breath, and she chooses to forget about the previous discomfort.
" He is not Philip," Sasha says after a long silence.
" I never said Rick was like Philip," Michonne argues, and she hopes Sasha drops the conversation.
Unfortunately, Sasha is not one to shy away from the harsh topic. She reads Michonne better than many do.
" For years, you clung to Philip because you saw a microscopic bit of what Rick and you had a share. Why would you not close yourself to Rick because of Philip?" Sasha questions.
Michonne shakes her head. She knows the comparison does not hold, and it never did. She would have dropped Philip in a flap of butterfly's wing for Rick, and Michonne did exactly that.
" If you want to know, I stayed with Philip because it was comforting." Michonne admits the truth aloud, "There was nothing to lose. They were no hope to keep forging. I had lost everything. Rick had walked away. There is nothing in Philip that echoes Rick, and it kept me sane. I couldn't compare them, and I didn't have to think of Rick. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't as miserable as when Rick left." She looks into Sasha's eyes, and she does not know if her cousin understands the paradox.
" It was bad. I did not love him that much. The sex was meh at the best. Got a couple of bad habits in the long run. He cheated on me while the air, which he breathed, was on my dime. It sounds pathetic and miserable. However, I didn't think of Richard Grimes junior. I did not cry so much about fucking his life. I was doing what Rick told me he would do. I was making myself miserable." Michonne looks at Sasha's eyes, and she ultimately sees the understanding.
" I know it's fucked up." Michonne voices Sasha's thought. "Do you know how ingrained it is in me to walk at Rick's tempo?" She sighs with frustration, and she wants to clarify why she is fiercely loyal to Rick, " I have known Rick all my life, but I truly met Rick at eight years old. My dad had died, and my mom was depressed. I was shy. I had nothing and no one to cling on. Mom, she was trying, but everything reminded her of dad. That holiday at the ranch, she never left the room, and I can remember it like yesterday."
Small fingers cling at Morgan's leg, and Michonne has been hiding behind her grandfather since they came to the Grimes ranch. There is another little girl, but Michonne is afraid. Michonne wanted to stay with her mom.
" Grandpa Morgan?" she hears someone calls for her grandfather, and she holds him tightly.
" who is that?" Michonne watches the finger points at her space bun, and she hides more behind Morgan.
Michonne wants to go home, and she misses her mother. She does not know if her mom has left to be with her dad. Her father won't come back, and her mother said that he left forever. Michonne continues to hope that he will come back, but she cries when he does not. Now, Michonne thinks her mother also wants to leave forever. She has not seen Michelle since they came for holiday in king county.
" That is Michonne," Morgan replies to the boy with curious eyes, and Michonne hides more behind Morgan, " have you forgotten about Michonne, Rick?" Morgan teases, and he might be the only one remembering Rick claiming that he would keep Michonne for himself.
Rick looks at Michonne, and he kneels to look between Morgan's legs. Michonne closed her eyes as if she does not look at him, she would be invisible.
"This is my Michonne," Rick asks Morgan with glee, and he remembers three years old Michonne following him around, " she is taller," Rick points out the obvious. " Hello, my Michonne." He shoves his hand between Morgan's leg.
Michonne stares at Rick's hand, and she does not like speaking to a stranger. She makes herself small, and she stares at Rick.
" Michonne," Morgan kindly calls for his Granddaughter, " sweetheart, Rick is saying hi."
Michonne does not react, and Rick stands. She watches him with slight regrets because she did not take his hand. He smiles at her, and Michonne watches him walk to the other girl. Rick ruffles her hair, and she laughs. Michonne continues to stare from behind Morgan's leg.
" Hi," Rick says breathlessly, and he takes the spot by Michonne, " You don't want to play with Maggie?" he asks with a certain curiosity.
Michonne looks at Rick through her reddened eyes. She does not know how he found her. She has been hiding away from everyone. She wants to return to their home. Michonne wants to go to her mother.
Michonne does not reply, and she wipes the tears. She draws her knee to her chest, and she hopes that Rick will immediately leave. He does not leave, and instead, he takes a spot next to her. Rick grabs a stone, and he throws it at the lake to make a ripple.
Michonne curiously looks at the stone dancing on the surface of the water, and then it sinks. She wants to ask Rick to do it again, but she does not want to speak to a stranger.
Rick looks at Michonne, and he appears to know what she wants. He throws another stone, and he offers to her a toothy smile. She says nothing, and she watches the stone fly on the water. Rick repeatedly throws stones on the lake until Michonne takes a stone, and she attempts to imitate him.
Michonne is not as successful as Rick, and her stone immediately sinks. She turns to face Rick, and she has the question on the tip of her tongue. Michonne is too shy to speak.
" I will teach you," Rick excitedly announces, and he grabs Michonne's hand.
Rick drags Michonne on her feet, and he places a flat stone in her hand.
" You have to choose a good one." He adds with seriousness, " then you have to throw it perfectly." Rick throws his stone, and it dances on water. " try now."
Michonne throws her stone, and it sinks. She repeatedly does it, and it is a succession of failures. She no longer wants to see the stone graze the water. Now, she is only angry. She is sad and frustrated. She throws the stone until the tears burn her eyes. Michonne angrily throws the stone. Ultimately, she begins to cry. It is loud and ugly sobs.
Rick grabs Michonne's hand, and he drags her in his arm. She is half of his size. A tiny thing who does not want his hug. She struggles against him until she gives in because Rick refuses to release her. His voice is consoling, and he rests his chin on her hair.
" Leave me alone," Michonne groans in Rick's shirt.
" No…" Rick replies without missing a beat, " I will stay until you finish crying." He adds with determination.
Michonne wipes the tears, and she glares at Rick. She cannot maintain the façade for long, and the tears return. Rick only drags her head back to his chest. She cries with and without tears. It lasts forever, and Rick does good by his promise. Michonne is too tired to fight him, and they end up sitting by the lake. The mud covers their knees. The tears have dried on Michonne's cheek. When Rick wants to move as he promised, Michonne holds on his t-shirt. She has enough strength to keep him seated by her side.
" Okay…" Rick quietly obliges.
They stay in comfortable silence, and Michonne falls asleep with her face hidden in Rick's shirt. With the greatest effort, he lifts her. Rick carries Michonne back to the ranch.
" I will come to visit Michonne tomorrow, grandpa," Rick announces in an almost challenging manner, and Morgan can only nod in agreement.
…
…
Rick holds onto his words, and he comes to visit the next day. He comes so early that he wakes up the Jones' household. Morgan does not say much, and he only opens the door.
" Michonne…" Rick asks with determination, and he is already moving forward into the living room of the Jones' mansion.
" sleeping," Morgan replies between yawns, and he can hardly open his eyes wide enough to look at Rick climbing the stairs to go to Michonne's room.
Although, Rick has no idea what of the eight bedrooms upstairs belong to Michonne. However, he does not care for the efforts. He begins to open the first door, and Morgan sighs.
" she is in the third room by the blue bathroom." Morgan offers, and he gets out of Rick's way.
Rick almost runs to Michonne's room, and he carefully knocks at Michonne's door. He impatiently waits for an answer. She does not utter a sound, and Rick knocks again with more strength.
" Michonne, it's me." He says with the hope that it would be enough to have the door open.
Perhaps, Rick hopes hard enough. The door cracks open, and Michonne's head appears out of the crack. She frowns, but the door opens.
" I came…" Rick announces with a toothy grin.
Michonne does not reply, and she moves to her bed. She timidly taps on the spot for Rick to join her. It is nothing different from yesterday. Although, there are no tears. Rick begins to fill the silence with words.
" You speak a lot," Michonne quietly says.
" because you don't want to speak, and I don't want to leave," Rick counters with a small frown, but it quickly disappears.
" Okay…" She says and agrees that he speaks until he has no voice.
Rick does speak a lot, and he speaks so much that Michonne finds herself replying at little things with little comments. It quickly turns into a conversation.
" Tomorrow…" Michonne hesitates, and Rick cocks an eyebrow while he patiently waits for her to speak.
Michonne does not pursue, and she folds her legs.
" Tomorrow?" he repeats, and she nods.
…
…
Tomorrow, she speaks to him, and Rick does not have to talk Michonne's ear off. It becomes a routine, and Michonne is awake before everyone. Rick always comes to visit too early as if he can contain his excitement. One day, Michonne is the one knocking at the Grimes' door. She hardly dares to say hello, but she has her little purple backpack. Morgan stands behind her with a soft smile.
" Hello, Michonne." Richard senior softly says, and he seems to know before she speaks, " Rick is going to be happy. We will put you in the room not too far from his." He knowingly adds.
Michonne smiles, and she has been smiling more since every conversation with Rick concludes with the promise of a tomorrow.
"Rick…" Michonne begins to call as soon as Richard senior allows her inside the house.
" She likes him…" Morgan sighs with amusement.
...
" You need to tell Rick," Sasha says after a minute of silence.
She looks at Michonne, and she expects her cousin to understand why it is important that she speaks to Rick.
" He needs to know how deeply the hurt runs." Sasha clarifies.
Michonne laughs, and it is a rather sour one. It speaks volume on how much has disappeared through the years.
" Before he would have guessed what was wrong. Now, he is…" she does not know how to finish, " Sasha, please, I don't want to continue down this road. Let it be. I said what I needed to say. I don't want you to overprotect me or lie to me for any reason. Which is why I don't understand your presence here." Michonne sighs, and she would have preferred to be alone.
" If you think that I will let you confront that bitch alone, you're mad. Do you know how long I have been waiting to tell her everything about her poorly conditioned, heat damaged hair." Sasha says as she quickly knocks at the office doors.
" It is not why we are here," Michonne replies in frustration.
" Then why are we here?" Sasha asks.
" I'm tired of being a docile fool," Michonne replies with a calm smile.
Michonne carefully holds on a small file, and she knocks at the beautiful office door where the name Andrea Harrison lies in golden letters.
The sweat drips from Rick's forehead, and his curls stick to his skin. He comes down the treadmill. He picks the water bottle, which Shane offers. Rick gulps the water with eagerness, and he wants to return for another lap.
" on edge?" Shane knowingly asks.
Richard Grimes junior is rather predictable, and he finds refuge in physical exhaustion when he is not at his best.
" fuck off," Rick immediately spits, and he feels too angry to interact with anyone.
Shane grins with that so familiar air of knowing it all. Rick begins to walk toward the weight, and Shane follows him.
" I guess we're going out tonight," Shane casually says, " and you're picking a girl to go all freaky on because…" He indelicately begins to dig for the reason for Rick's mood.
Rick throws a murderous look at Shane, and his best friend would not have been off weeks ago. Rick has his coping mechanisms, and sex is perhaps the bigger part of it.
" You're fucking making it worst," Rick announces with irritation, and Shane remains unfazed, " Don't you have shit to do or a bitch to fuck. Whatever is daily Shane Walsh's activities" Rick asks in an attempt to infuriate Shane.
" Lil shit," Shane laughs, and he sits opposite to Rick, " You're getting so soft. I mean you used to go harder than that. You haven't even called me a worthless parasite trying to latch on your life. So, what's up?" He insists to get a meaningful word out of Rick.
" I already have a shrink…" Rick deadpans.
He does not want to explore how his new encounter with Jessie has made every insecurity resurface. He is putting a great face with Michonne, but Rick wants nothing other than to implode.
" Does he wingman for you?" Shane replies, " I thought so, and I know quite the place for tonight. You're still avoiding Lori?" He continues with a mocking grin.
Rick throws his empty water bottle at Shane who easily dodges it. Laughs echo in the empty gym, and Rick pinches his nose.
" I'm not going out to fuck anyone," Rick says with irritation, and he has considered the idea of finding refuge in old habits.
Shane sceptically looks at Rick. He cocks an eyebrow to question the reason why Rick would break a well-established pattern of toxic behaviours.
" yeah…" Shane draws the word, " So I'm going to bail you out of jail because you murder someone instead of a pussy." He adds with an unfitting seriousness.
Rick puts the weight down, and he looks at his best friend with concerns about the state of his mind. Rick cannot help but laugh at the statement.
" You're fucking dumb, Shane," Rick kindheartedly points out.
" No, I'm a realistic and concerned friend." Shane counters and he meant every word, " we have been here before, and your hoe's way has kept you busy and focused. I mean…"
Rick does not disagree, and Shane's odd way to express the truth does not change the veracity behind each word. Rick scratches his head, and the temptation to fall in comfort of habit is powerful.
" I'm kind of married and willing to stay in that way," Rick says with more passion than he thought.
Shane looks at Rick. Quickly, the stoic expression, which he borrowed for a second, turn into a shit grin.
" You've finally got common sense," Shane teases, " Then just get some of that marital sex." He adds with a mocking laugh.
" I wish…" Rick sighs, and he takes a bottle to gulp what remains of the water.
Shane cocks an eyebrow, and Rick sighs again. He does not want to think of a certain aspect of his relationship with Michonne.
" We don't want sex to add to the confusion," Rick clarifies, and Shane's eyebrow flies to his hairline screaming bullshit, " She does not want sex to complicate what is impossibly difficult."
Shane remains sceptical, and he eyes Rick with a single question in mind.
" How bad did you fuck up? Lori level of bad, or you did worse." Shane knowingly asks.
" Lori is a non-factor…" Rick repeats for the umpteenth time, " I was clear. I wanted a good night of fuck. I got lukewarm at best, and I was kind enough to tell her I don't entertain a relationship. She got a bit obsessed and faked a whole pregnancy as if I wouldn't look into it. She almost made me an expert into the subject. I avoid her because she is crazy." Rick explains what he has already told Shane.
" So what did you do to jailbait Michonne? I mean you did something to suffer the harsh fate of abstinence." Shane pocks.
" Asked for divorce right after fucking her brain out. Fucking panicked because it felt as if I had everything I wanted since I was thirteen and calling her my Michonne. So I had to fuck everything up because I couldn't deal with reality. Wrote a note and run away." Rick confesses, and Shane only recognises Rick's self-destructing habits.
" Lil shit…" Shane says with endearment, and the words are so fitting of Rick's behaviour sometimes, " One day, you need to fucking deal with that thing who got you all messed up because you're far gone if you're now hurting your precious Michonne." He finishes with a heaviness in his voice.
Shane does not know much of Rick's rape. He understands that the Rick who came knocking at his door ten years ago is not the same boy who he befriended in college. He never asked because the trauma radiated from Rick, and it weighed too much on Rick.
" Working on it, and it begins on grovelling at Michonne's feet. So this would have to do until I can get out of this space." Rick says as he points at the gym.
Shane does not believe Rick, and many things justify his doubts. Rick's anger is a slippery slope, and it is so easy to slide in the worst part of him.
" Or be truthful with your wife. Tell her that you need sex to be functional, or she might have to deal with the worst of you. Better tell her what has you so bent out of shape. I'm having a flashback from ten years ago." Shane worryingly points out.
" I'm fine…" Rick dismisses Shane, " She has her issues, and I can't add to it." He adds with determination.
"Michonne wants to talk to you," Rick reluctantly says after a minute of heavy silence. " she does not want to let me handle her case," He disapprovingly says.
" She is right because it is more of a shit show that I expected. Blake's lawyer is kind of a bitch, and she is surely coming for your sweet jailbait. The cops on the case are not what I will call the precinct finest. If it is going that way, I will rather work with Michonne than having you going berserk. I will schedule her tomorrow." Shane confesses.
He has begun to hit rough patches, and without a doubt, Morales is attempting to make things hard for him. He does not know why the cop is on Michonne's case, but Shane can only look into it.
" I will come with her. The last weeks have been rough on her, and so you don't throw every bad news at her. If it is bad, you let me know first." Rick says in a way that sounds like an order not to break.
He stares at Shane waiting for an agreement. Rick wants to believe that protecting Michonne comes at the price of many lies by omission. The secret of her miscarriage is only one on the list of many to come. He feels as if he has to shield her of the horror of her life because he has a hand in creating them.
Rick feels guilty about the car accident. The promise, which he made in a moment of fury and frustration, has come to pass. He has made her life hell by asking Michonne to leave that night. Now, Rick is attempting to keep the loss and consequences of Michonne.
" Michonne is my client. If I run to you first, I break the trust she will need to have in me. Forget about it. If anything goes bad, she hears of it first." Shane replies without hesitation.
" Shane…" Rick warns, and he is not going to back down on protecting Michonne.
" You're doing it to Michonne too," Shane does not have to extend on the statement, and the implications are clear to Rick.
" It's not what you think. I'm not playing a twisted game trying to control Michonne. I don't find some sort of pleasure doing it. I'm only protecting her. You don't know what that accident took from her. You don't know what I took from her. I'm fixing the life that I destroy. I'm not manipulating or controlling her to feel secure and masculine." There is a brief second of self-doubt, but Rick clears the ludicrous thought, " I don't do that shit anymore, and Michonne would be the last person I would try to use that way." He genuinely insists on how far removed his intentions are from what Shane fears.
" You didn't do that shit anymore because you stopped dating. You switched manipulation for domination because you can't live without a form of control on people. You're not having sex with her, and you're dating her. I say it is easy to fall into old habits. Just be fucking careful because I don't want you back to be the mess you were for the three years that followed whatever happened to you." Shane pours out his fears.
Rick's head falls, and they long ago agreed not to brush those years. The mention of it immediately makes Rick understand that he might be more on edge than he thought. He tosses the wet curls away from his face.
" I swear I'm not going to beat Philip Blake to the brink of death. I will surely not put Michonne in a situation where I am a threat to her because I'm insanely possessive and jealous. I kind of love her, and it goes beyond trying to hold onto the thing I lost. I don't want to rebuild the past with Michonne. I want something different this time. I can keep my demons in check." Rick assures Shane, and he needs the same assurance that he is not going to destroy their relationship further than he did.
"Don't go losing your wife, Rick."
Michonne holds on her animosity more than she expected to do. Sasha, on the other hand, does not bother to hide her dislike for Andrea. They sit opposite to the blonde woman, and she has a sly smile, which irritates Michonne.
" Hello," Michonne breaks the silence, and she has a soft expression, which throws Andrea off her game.
" You could have called before showing up," Andrea says, and she busies herself with a file laying on her desk.
" You didn't want anyone catching you sucking Philip's limp dick…" Sasha spits the words with a bright smile.
Michonne sighs, and she continues to regret agreeing to have Sasha by her side. Andrea does not appear bothered by the statement, and she expectantly waits for Michonne's venom. She never receives it, and Michonne does not dignify Andrea's taunting smirk.
" Sasha?" Michonne breathes the name with small exasperation, " we're not here on trivial matters."
" So what are you here, to begin with, Michonne?" Andrea asks with the same prideful expression.
Michonne carefully places a small file on the table.
" First, I wanted to fire you. I thought it was only fair to do it in person." Michonne says with a grim tone, and she begins to open the envelope, " I know you could care less, but my grandpa raised me right. I don't go around backstabbing, and again I believe you can't relate to class and education or legal and moral things for that matter." She continues, and she pushes the papers in her hands toward Andrea.
" You wasted your time coming here to be bitter, Michonne." Andrea's smile broadens, " attempting the classy act won't win you Philip's favour or keep you from jail." She adds a disapproving click of the tongue.
" I can buy myself, Philip if I shared your desperation to have him. I mean I sadly financed your lover escapade and those he has with the many others. I might have been dumb, but you are for more delusional to believe that we're in a sort of competition. I will offer you seek the appropriate measure for needed help." Michonne replies, "However, I'm here because my accounting department has found many attempts to embezzle my money and a few of my properties wrongfully sold."
Sasha curiously looks at Michonne, and she would have clapped if the moment did not hold a certain intensity. She ultimately stares at Andrea who has a short moment of panic.
" And how does it tie with me?" Andrea falters in the last words.
" Awww, if you require an explanation, Philip must have used you," Michonne says with an imitation of concern. "Here, you should start with the easiest news to digest," she picks a specific page from the file, and she carefully places it in Andrea's hands.
Andrea quickly reads the main lines and her expression changes with each line. In her eyes, there is nothing left but fury.
" What the fuck is this?" Andrea stutters with a voice trembling under the weight of anger.
" You're the smart lawyer, and I'm the simple-minded starlet you tried to rob. I think you don't need my help to understand. However, I will oblige." Michonne takes the page from Andrea who wishes nothing but to burn it.
" This is a series of transactions, which have not been authorized from my account too many off-shore accounts. Until now, it is all okay, but you like the little gift from Philip. Sometimes, it comes in the form of a big chunk of money, which he steals from me. Now, I don't have to explain the principle of complicity. You are a smart woman Andrea."
She picks another paper from the file, and she shakes with a sort of amusement.
" Now, this is better. If you were only an accomplice, it will be okay to deal with the law, but we have more. A few of my properties are no longer mine, and as far as I know, you handle my real estate. I did not sell them, and so who did with whose help." Michonne pushes the paper toward Andrea. " I might go to jail, but you won't be far. I guess you win more than Philip."
Michonne rises from the chair, and she looks at Sasha who has not moved from her seat. Sasha picks the file, and she has to read each word to believe that Michonne pulled something as big in such a short time.
" I guess see you in court is a good way to say bye," Sasha carefully puts the file down.
Andrea has a second of confusion. The real estate comes as a surprise, and she attempts to think of everything. She feels as stupid as she believed Michonne to be.
" Philip…" she attempts to tell Michonne that Philip must have made her signed forms under pretences.
" You won…" Michonne knowingly says, " enjoy the win."
…
…
She leaves Andrea's office with a small smile and quiet satisfaction. Sasha curiously eyes Michonne. She has a burning question on the tip of her tongue. Sasha ultimately decides to ask.
" How?" She eagerly asks because she does not believe Michonne able of such connivance.
" You know I always keep an eye on my money. I don't look in my properties as much because I had no reason to doubt Andrea." Michonne regretfully admits that she wishes she did not have a reason to doubt an old friend. " I saw many transactions that went to the same account. He must have had Andrea on the same cool-aid he got me, and they were sharing the account. He stole from me through her account." She clarifies for Sasha.
" but the properties," Sasha asks, and she knows Michonne looks into her money better than anyone. However, real estate is far more out of her reach. " You could not have looked so fast."
" I was not looking, but Philip attempted to sell one of my condos today, and it was in gossip page. Since I blocked the account, he must have needed money real quick. I had someone look into my properties, and I magically sold a bunch of home through the years. " Michonne clarifies, and she cannot wait to bring Philip down.
" Remind me never to be on your bad side. I missed this Michonne." Sasha genuinely says.
" I did too… I think I like it, being more of this woman."
The door opens, and Rick did not expect to find Michonne dosing on the couch. He puts down the plastic bag, and he quietly moves toward Michonne. Rick places his arms around Michonne, and he wants to carry her in her room.
" Hmmm…" She resists, and Michonne begins to rub the sleep away, " Do you always come back so late or?" She yawns, and she is unable to finish her statement.
" Or?" Rick asks for clarity, but he knows the response is what she does not dare to say.
Michonne removes Rick's arm and she sits. She moves loses locks away from her face. For a few seconds, she stares at Rick to find her answer.
" You're avoiding me," Michonne does not know how to feel about her conclusion.
Rick sits by Michonne, and she searches through her pocket.
" I need to smoke," Michonne sighs, and she does not know what annoys her the most now.
It is safe to assume that she does not take it well that Rick wants to avoid her.
" I got you nicotine patch…" Rick says as he opens the plastic bag, and he extends the box toward Michonne.
Michonne looks at the box with frustration. She needs a cigarette, and she does not care for the palliative. Although, she cares for the thought. However, she remains angry. What does Rick Grimes want? A happy marriage or a cordial relationship of avoidance, Michonne wants to know.
" I want the real thing…" She does not know if she is talking about a cigarette or their relationship.
Rick sighs, and he was not avoiding Michonne. He was avoiding these moments where arguments are unavoidable.
" I'm not avoiding you…" Rick softly says, and he pulls chocolate barre from the plastic bag, " I'm avoiding myself I can say it that way." He passes one to Michonne, " those are still your favourites." He looks at her with the hope that not everything is different, and Michonne nods.
" I wanted to have dinner with you, but I would have been an asshole. We don't want that, and so…" He takes a barre too, " I tried to get most of it out before I could come back." He chews on a piece of chocolate.
Michonne sighs, and she pulls one of her sleeves up. She reluctantly offers her arm for Rick to put the patch.
" I will try this patch." She encourages him to glue it with a raised eyebrow.
They eat chocolate barres for minutes, and the silence keeps them company.
" Are you okay?" Michonne asks, and she can tell the answer.
Rick does not say much nor does he think of the question. He felt like shit all day, and he does not know if right now he is okay. However, it is close to comfort.
" Don't worry about it…" Rick quickly brushes up the question. " Shane will see you in the afternoon. Pick the hour." Rick says after noticing that it was three in the morning. " You should go to sleep." He tells Michonne who is exhausted.
" No…" Michonne quietly replies.
" Don't be stubborn." Rick sighs, and he wants to carry her to the room.
" I'm not going anywhere until you feel okay." Michonne rests her head on Rick's shoulder.
Rick looks at Michonne, and he does not know how to react to the statement.
" I'm fine, Mimi." He kisses Michonne's forehead.
She looks at him, and Michonne easily finds the lie. Her arm circles his waist, and she tightens the half-hug. She looks up, and their eyes meet. Now, it is harder to lie or ignore what they need.
" Will you let me in at one point? You're going to tell me what is wrong. What broke you so bad that I have to hunt pieces of you to fix everything? Even if it is the ugliest truth, I can hear it." Michonne almost pleads with Rick to open on the pain.
" I don't want that look," He begins to speak, and there is that clear hesitation, " I cannot tell if you were going to cry your soul out. I did not know if you hated me. I know it was full of disgust. I figured it held everything. You will look at me the same way, and this time, I want to be able to use anger to keep me sane. Michonne, I can't risk it." Rick confesses his fears, and his thumbs graze Michonne's cheek. " I need you." He leans to kiss Michonne.
She closes the distance between them, and Michonne kisses Rick. For all her good intention, she is not the wisest when it comes to Rick Grimes. Rick's hands slide under Michonne's shirt, and he pushes her under him. They kiss with passion and need until Michonne's phone brutally returns their mind to reality. She quickly attempts to reject the call, and her lips are still tasting Rick's one.
" still not worth picking the call," Rick whispers against her lips.
"Philip…" Michonne only notices her mistake when Rick pulls the phone from her hands.
" Rick…" Michonne softly says, " I…" She wants to explain, but she becomes speechless when her phone crashes against the floor, " Are you insane?" She manages to ask after a few minutes of shock.
" Trying to fix us was a mistake," Rick says with a rampant fury, " If you will rather be with a real man, fucking leave. I could care less. I can't give you what you want anyway." He says with the same demons speaking through insecurities, and he begins to walk toward the door.
" Rick, where are you going?" Michonne ultimately rises from the couch. " Can you stop running from me?" She decides to tackle the issues. " This is your thing. Let me in, Rick." She rises on her toes to caress his visage. " I can explain Philip, but it is not the issues. Is it?" Michonne asks with confidence.
Rick draws a deep breath, and his hands frame Michonne's face. He rests his forehead against hers, and he feels so exhausted.
" I didn't have sex with Jessie because I wanted to. I think…" He draws a deep breath, and he looks into Michonne's eyes, " You cannot hate me. Please, promises that you're going to believe me. Michonne, if you can't believe me, I…" Rick looks at Michonne.
It immediately clicks, and she remembers their bathroom argument. She gives meaning to his words then, and now he does not dare to finish his statement.
" I think we were not meant to be…" Rick says, " I don't think you…" He speaks because he hates when Michonne chooses to be silent.
" I will kill her…" Michonne whispers and Rick looks at Michonne. " Jessie…"