Chapter 3

AN: Extra long chapter today. I apologise for not keeping my promise last week.

Hermione looked very nervous as she looked from Harry to Snape and then at Slughorn. She had her hand in her robes clasped around her wand. Harry on the other hand looked at Snape as if he was almost glad that he wasn't dead. Hermione was very confused about this as Harry had only ever looked at Snape without complete and utter hatred and disgust since Dumbledore died. Slughorn seemed less confused than Hermione but still weary of the situation.

"How?" Harry said, finally breaking the silence.

"How am I alive?" Snape asked.

Harry nodded.

"You are sure the dark lord is dead? All of the.." Snape paused and looked from Hermione to Slughorn and then back at Harry.

"Yes all of them are destroyed" Harry answered his unfinished question.

"But you?" Snape went on.

Harry started to pace.

"I have seen your memories so I know the truth. I know you were on our side all along, but I can't answer that question until you answer mine first."

Snape nodded then turned to Slughorn. "Horace, as you have probably established by now I am not a threat to Harry." He paused and Slughorn nodded. "I need to talk to him in private" he finished pointedly.

Slughorn started as if Snape had just shocked him. He looked like he was ready to argue, but Harry interjected before he could.

"Please professor" he said looking directly at Slughorn for the first time since entering the room.

Slughorn nodded and looked at Hermione. "Hermione needs to hear this too." Harry said and looked back at Snape who didn't argue.

When Slughorn left, Hermione took out her wand and ensured that they had complete privacy.

"Very good Miss Granger" Snape complemented, which added to Hermione's confusion. Hermione looked at Harry with a somebody better start explaining now look on her face.

Snape turned to Hermione first and she found it hard not to look away.

"Firstly, I have to apologise for the way I have treated my students. Even my most brightest students who excelled beyond what even I did when I was a student and made me prouder than I have ever been of any other student before" he said and looked at Harry when he finished.

Harry was shocked by this. He had seen Snape's memories and knew that he had done what he did to protect them all, but he got the impression that this was because Snape loved his mother and was doing it for her. However, the way Snape was acting Harry had to wonder if this was the real Snape they had standing before them.

The look of confusion must have shown on their face's because Snape's lips twitched a bit and he continued.

"You have only seen some of my memories Harry. You have just seen the ones I needed to show you so that you would understand what needed to be done in the end. However, there is a lot more that you didn't see because there wasn't enough time to show you." He paused and then quickly took out his wand. Harry and Hermione were quick to draw their wands too and Snape's lips twitched again as he quickly swished his wand and suddenly the empty chamber was equipped with 3 soft and comfortable looking chairs and in the empty fireplace sat a blazing fire.

"Please" Snape said indicating to the chairs.

Harry and Hermione sat down, but didn't put away their wands.

Snape sat for a moment and looked to be in deep thought.

"I did indeed hate your father. I don't deny it. However, whilst I wasn't saddened by his death I didn't want it to happen and I wasn't happy that he was gone. I felt the same with Sirius' death. I know that this will be hard to believe but it is the absolute truth. We may not have been friends. We may have highly disliked each other, but we were never enemies and their deaths brought me no piece or joy." He looked mostly at Harry as he said this.

"I'm not sure if I can believe that or not. All of the things I have learnt from you and Sirus…" Harry trailed off.

"I don't expect you to believe me straight away Harry. I am telling you the truth, but it is up to you to decide what to do with what I have told you." Harry nodded showing that he understood and would listen to what he had to say before making a decision on if he believed him or not.

"I was force to act the way I have acted for pretty much my whole life because of the dark lord. He was an incredibly powerful wizard and I had to put up immensely strong shields against him from the very beginning. Even when I was at school I had to start then. I heard about the dark lord from my class mates." He took another pause and looked very embarrassed.

"The Marauders bullied me that is true. But it was never without reason. I bullied them too. I started fights with them as well. I hexed them whenever I could and did a lot of things I am very ashamed of." He lowered his eyes not looking at either of them. Harry was most surprised by this admission and Hermione looked understanding. Harry recalled Snape always telling his what a swine his father was and how he had always described him. However, he thought back to Snape's memory of his father down by the lake. He had thought that it was very strange for his father to do such a thing as it didn't fit in with what he had learnt about his father. He also remembered about asking Sirius and Lupin about that day and what they had said about it, which now seemed to make sense with what Snape was saying.

"I am not going to get into more detail about the things we did to each other, but I need you to understand where it all began". Harry nodded showing he was following and Snape continued. Hermione kept looking between the two of them and was mostly silent apart from the fidgeting.

"I used my relationship with the Marauders to strengthen my shield against the dark lord. From the very beginning he too thought that I hated them and was very much a loyal death eater with the same prejudices as my master. However, this was never the case. As you know I truly loved your mother. I am half-blood myself and I was never against muggles. I respect the dark arts, but I never would have dreamed of doing the things the dark lord and my fellow death eaters did. Things started to get darker and darker even before the dark lord decided to go after your family. Yes it was me who told him of the prophecy. However, there was so much more to the story than you knew. I was plotting a way to take him down. He was doing some truly horrible things and delving so far into the dark arts that he was more monster than human." Harry and Hermione both nodded at this as they understood better than most just how far Voldermort had gone and they understood the need for some sort of protection against him. Hermione was a bit confused that Snape had loved Harry's mother, and was never against muggles and muggle borns, but the fact that Harry didn't seem to question that made her believe that it must be true.

"So I told Voldemort about the prophecy, but I didn't do it blindly. I had made a plan with a few other death eaters to ambush Voldermort. I have never given much store to prophecies and did not believe it for a second. I thought that when he went after this boy we would have an opportunity to set our plan in place and get rid of him. When I learned that he had chosen you Harry and that Lily was in danger, I went to Dumbledore. I didn't reveal all of my plans to Dumbledore. Just like Dumbledore never revealed everything to me I didn't want to put all of my eggs in one basket so to speak, and I was trying to protect the few friends I had that were in on the ambush plan. The desperation that you saw in that memory was 100% real. I loved your mother beyond reason and I didn't want her to be put in harms way, even if it would let us ambush Voldermort." Snape paused, letting his tale sink into the two who were paying rapped attention to him as he spoke.

"We did change our plans for the ambush and I had faith that Dumbledore would be true to his word and keep you all safe." He paused again and a look of utter devastation came across his face.

"You both know what happened next, but what you don't know is why I really came back to Dumbledore. I visited your house before Hagrid came to get you Harry. I saw you in your cot, crying for Lily and Lily she…" he stopped again and closed his eyes trying to get control over himself.

"Lily was facing you. Her eyes open but the light in them gone. You have her eyes Harry, exactly her eyes. I picked her up and held her body. Then I took you from your cot and held you too. I had you in my arms, a living breathing part of Lily, the only living, breathing part of Lily left…." He managed before he began to choke up again.

Hermione almost reached out a hand to him but Harry spoke and she realised that he was silently crying. "You really did love her" he whispered. It wasn't a question, but Snape nodded in response anyway.

"I promised her then and there that I would take care of you. I was about to take you with me when I noticed your scar. I knew what it meant, and it reminded me of the ark arts that the dark lord had done. I didn't know if the Horcrux inside you would manifest in a way that let the dark lord's soul take over you. I knew that he would come back, but I wasn't sure if it was going to be through you or another Horcrux and then I knew that no matter what you were going to be in danger and I wouldn't be able to help you as much when Voldermort did return if you and I had a good relationship. It was difficult to leave you there. I felt like I was betraying Lily in a way, but I kept out of sight until Hagrid came to collect you. I was even the one who first alerted Dumbledore and the ministry to what had happened. I shot the dark mark into the air and watched as ministry employees gathered round your destroyed house but didn't enter. I watched as Dumbledore himself came and entered to discover you before calling on Hagrid to come and take you and informing him that he would meet you both at the Dursley's the next day. He told Hagrid to take you to a safe place until he called for you both and I knew Hagrid would keep you safe " Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing, he was getting the answers to questions he hadn't even thought of before, and it was like lights were suddenly being switched on to areas of his life that he had lived through and thought about a lot, but never really explored in this way before.

"I went back to Hogwarts and let Dumbledore believe that he had convinced me to teach there and watch over you and help him when the dark lord returned. I did this because I couldn't let Dumbledore know the whole truth if I wanted to really protect you. I needed to guard these secrets against any threat, and Dumbledore, as much of a great wizard he was, with his past was certainly a threat. Also, I needed to reform my mask and make it stronger for when the dark lord returned because I would be in the best position to protect you by the side of both the dark lord and Dumbledore. I knew I was putting myself in a lot of danger, and I won't lie I did have my doubts about my own safety. However that all changed a few years ago, and before that I was very close to leaving. After all, you were older and Dumbledore did protect you and honestly I knew that it was only a matter of time before you had to die so that Voldermort could. My plan was to tell you some things so that you didn't die hating me and then make a run for it. I know it was not very brave of me, but I am not a Gryffindor and I had to consider that your death was going to happen no matter what and I had done all that I could to help you."

"But what.." Harry tried to interrupt.

"Please Harry there is a lot you need to understand before we get to that. I will tell you I promise, but for now I need to tell you some other things first".

There was a long pause before Harry finally sighed and nodded. He tried not to think about what had made Snape continue to stay and protect him and listen to the rest of his story first. He was burning to know what had changed Snape's mind. After all, Harry himself thought that there was no way he could survive. Every container that had a Horcrux in it was destroyed beyond repair and he was only skin and bones. He was ready to die, and he still didn't understand why he hadn't. Hermione had her mouth open and seemed unable to speak as she listened. She too had questions, but for the first time in her life she didn't know how to start finding the answers. She couldn't bring herself to make Snape stop is tale as she knew there was still so much he had to tell them.

"You know what happened since the dark lord's return Harry and I am sure you will fill me and Hermione in on those blanks after I tell you how I am still alive."

Harry nodded and glanced at Hermione. He wasn't looking forward to revealing what had happened in the woods, but he knew that he had to reveal it at some point.

"I have been developing antidotes for the best part of the last 20 years. I have also been researching into Nagini. I knew that she was a Horcrux and I knew that to take Voldermort down I would need to kill her. After a lot of extensive research I managed to develop an antidote of sorts. It would protect me from Nagini's venom, but it also made me go into a death like state to convince her that I was dead. You see, snakes don't eat a lot. So I knew if she were to attack me and I managed to convince her that I was dead that she would leave me alone and I had a chance at surviving. When you three found me, I was fighting the potions effects. It takes effect when it has the final ingredient which is Nagini's venom. I have been taking this potion religiously every day since I made it. However, I also had to plant into the dark lord's mind to use Nagini on me if he were ever to try and kill me, because if he didn't I knew that I didn't stand a chance. This part in the reason why I am alive was a much harder task than creating the potion. So that brings me up to what happened next" he finished.

Snape leaned back and was silent, waiting for Harry to explain what happened next.

Harry found it very difficult to tell his part of the story. He couldn't even look at Hermione as he spoke, and then when he finished there was a long silence.

Hermione was the first to break the silence with a whispered sob. "Oh Harry" she said and reached over to touch his arm. Harry allowed her to grip his arm and gently patted her hand. They had been in the chamber for hours, but Harry knew there was no way he was leaving until Snape explained what had changed his mind about leaving. Snape knew that as well.

"OK, I do have questions, but I think we have been here a bit too long and people are bound to be looking for you and Horace knows we are here. But I will tell you some things to start. I am not going to tell you everything as there is much you need to understand first. However, it all started when Sirius went through that veil.."

Suddenly, Snape was interrupted as the chamber door blasted off its hinges and McGonagall followed by all of the Weasleys came into the chamber.