DARRY
A
[Star Wars Episode VII: Return Of The Force: Chapter 10: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Bites Back: Chapter 4: The Big Fat Mix Up]
STORY
It was yet another stormy night on Kamino. Senthos was having none of it. She desperately wanted to get off-world. Senthos hated water. SHe was just a child, but she had gigantic dreams. Her brother, Darry, watches her brood from afar.
"She's only eight yet she has such hatred in her soul." Darry was only ten, but he he seems pretty sure of himself as he parrots his dad's words.
Darry and Senthos are both the only force sensitive Kamenoans on Kameno. Their power levels were incredible. Currently there was a debate in the Kamenoan senate as to best handle these children. One prominent school of thought was that the siblings should be separated and each raised in the teachings of the Jedi or Sith. The other side feared dividing their planet in such a way would eventually lead to some sort of civil war, whether it be a war of minds or potentially even an armed conflict. This, second, argument suggested an alternative: raise both children purely in the ways of the force, not forcing oneself into a school of thought, but becoming agents of the force itself.
Darry and Senthos, though young, were also divided in such a way. Currently, Senthos quietly vents by working on her droid: Bobo ski otten botten. Darry cant quite explain it, but as he contemplates her behavior, he feels an inexplicable pang of dread.
The next day, their parents were pouring out the daily breakfast of wheat-flakes in blue milk. Horte, Darry's dad, sat down at the table across from the siblings.
'You know kids, your mother and I would be incredibly disappointed in you if you ever gave into your basest desires, or chose chose to try to purge yourself entirely of unclean thoughts. Its best to just be yourself, and consistently do what feels right to you." Horte smiled at his kids, he and his wife Kapl-kut were confident Darry had his act together. But Senthos? Oh boy. She reeked of fury, a trait completely alien to Kamenoenans. It was almost as if something alien was manipulating her emotions, forcing her down a dark path.
Kind Solo takes off his Virtual Reality headset.
"Being able to use this VR headset with my nanobots in the force rules."
He cackles.
"I can easily manipulate this kid into becoming evil as hell. Shit, people are already noticiticing!"
"By the stars, I really wish I had enough nanobots to snatch that other kid also. Sucks I had to blast the nerds who made these out an airlock." he shrugs to himself. "Gotta cover my tracks, after all."
Years passed. Senthos and Darry grew up to be fairly normal, honestly. Senthos occasionally hinted at the fact that she had horrific nightmares, but no one really took it seriously.
Including Senthos herself. When the Republic finally bought their clone army, Senthos and Darry were proud of the parts they played shaping the vast army of Jango Fetts that had been assembled for years. Darry and Senthos were trained in the ways of the balanced force, deciding to not try to control their own paths, doing purely what they felt was right. They handmade the training program used to teach the troopers hand-to-hand combat. And, secretly, the final test of commanders were scoring a successful hand-to-hand attack in a one on one duel. Some died trying, mostly by accident. It seems to happen more often with Senthos.
Darry pretty much never accidentally killed anyone. He sincerely never once killed anyone on purpose. Senthos, on the other hand, seemed to almost enjoy the "accidental" deaths. Most people felt it was due to her being less trained.
Darry felt otherwise. He knew Senthos' tendency to lose herself to fury. Darry… felt that fury. She never stated it outright, but it seemed obvious enough to Darry. And, strangely, only Darry.
Later during the evening after a long day of training, Senthos confided in Darry about her struggles staying balanced in the force. "Sometimes… I just feel this push towards the dark side." Senthos muttered.
Darry wasn't surprised to hear about this. He pretty much knew Senthos was going dark. "Listen, sis," Darry replied. "Staying as neutral as possible with your balance in the force is very important. If you go too light, you'll become pretentious and irritating, and I won't want to associate with you." Darry looked off into the Kamino skies. "Plus you'll be committing to the lame ass light side powers instead of getting the best of both worlds." Darry scratched his chin thoughtfully. "But the dark side, it blows man. That's even worse. I'll have to stop talking to you even in private."
Senthos scoffed. "I mean it's kind of cool. I know deep down you understand why I wanna go full dark." Senthos sighed. "I just want to, like, give in to my deepest darkest desires, you know? I just wanna dive deep into all my hate and just, like, own it, y'know? Like make it my thing."
Darry put up his hand to signal that he was done talking about this subject. "Senthos, if you go dark I'm gonna be done with you. Entirely done. I don't want to see you waving one of those pansy ass red sombos around." Darry walked off and put his face in his hands and sat in that position for hours uninterrupted. Senthos walked by him, saw him doing it, and just ignored him. Darry was just so ashamed that his sis was becoming pretty dark.
Darry went to his dance class and tried to forget about all of this. But then he heard a big explosion, three booms and three deadly screams, come from an area of the castle close to his parents room. He screamed and ran towards the room with unbridled fury. When he got to the room, he saw both his parents with no heads and smoke billowing from their giant necks. He looked slightly to his left and saw the killer with a galactic pistol in his hand. It was Watto. Watto looked at Darry and said "I'm sorry, my master made me do it." Darry turned bright red with fury and tackled Watto to the ground, gnawing at his face until he had no head left, because Darry was strong enough and hungry enough to eat the whole thing.
Next, he heard his sis call out to him through the force. It was a dark message instead of a neutral message, so Darry knew something was up. "I'm sorry, Darry, I'm leaving with my new dark man." Senthos cried. "We're leaving and stealing a Kamino jet to get out of here if you want to say goodbye before we blast."
Darry did want to say something before she left. So he ran to the Kamino jet station, where both Senthos and a young, robed, Harrison Ford-looking human were very nicely waiting for him.
"Yeah so this is happening now." the robed man quipped. "Sorry dude but this is my new dark chick."
"Mhmm." Senthos nodded. "I'm a dark forcer now. Sorry brother."
Darry kneeled down and started crying. "We were gonna be the neutral sibling fighters…" Darry whined and pleaded.
"Dark's way cooler dude. Just make up your mind and choose a side already." The man in the robe barked. Senthos giggled and they high fived.
"We're gonna do so much dark shit. It's gonna be cray." Senthos laughed and they high fived once again.
Darry started crying and sobbing. "I'll kill you myself, sis! I swear it, you dark bitch!" Senthos and Robe Man got into the Kamino jet and laughed and laughed as they flew off the planet.
Darry went back to the room where his parents were killed. Kamino investigators were all up in his biz, checking the bodies.
Darry had enough. "Get out of my house you sons of bitches. That fucker Watto shot my parent's heads clean off, and I ate the shit out of him for it. Mystery solved." The investigators nodded their heads and moved on with their lives. Darry took all three bodies and hung them on his wall so that he would never forget about what happened on that fateful night. He stared at the three bodies hanging from the wall in his living room and silently muttered "Senthos… you will pay. I won't let anyone else end you. I'll do it myself." He took a bite out of Watto's stomach and went to the bathroom.
Darry went back to the Kamino jet station, only to find that Senthos and that robed man had sabotaged the rest of the ships. There was no way to fly off the planet. No way to chase after Senthos.
Darry spent the next few days furiously running on the Kamino treadmill in the Kamino gym. He never stopped running to take a break, and other Kamino walking by noticed that he was progressively getting faster with each passing day. It got out of hand two weeks later when Darry was running at lightning speed and the treadmill was emitting smoke trying to keep up.
The other Kamino were too intimidated to use the gym while Darry was in there, but one meekly Kamino finally mustered the courage to enter. Darry was running insanely fast and the treadmill was falling apart. The scrawny Kamino, his name was Packer by the way, stood next to him while lifting two tiny dumbbells. He casually leaned over to Darry. "Hey why are you doing this?" Packer asked him.
"Cause I'm fuckin pissed at my sis." Darry replied. Packer backed off.
After three months straight of running, Darry was going way faster than the eye could see. The force of Darry's running was causing the entire planet to shake like nuts. People were begging Darry to stop, but he pushed on. Suddenly, he BLASTED forward at an insane speed, crushing the Kamino gym wall in front of him and running STRAIGHT into space. The rest of the Kamino race watched in awe as Darry furiously sprinted into the far reaches of the galaxy, unhindered by the lack of gravity around him.
"I'm gonna get you sis. I'm gonna fuckin kill your dark ass." Darry thought to himself as he raced through the cosmos. Suddenly, though, he hit a planet and bounced off of it real hard, catapulting him into crashing head first on a deserted snowy mountain planet. Darry got up and slapped his head in frustration. "Dad gummit, I let my hatred for my sis distract me. It'll be another three months before I can build up enough running speed to start another galaxy run. Guess I'll just chill here for a bit"
Darry chuckled to himself, content with the irony of the statement he stated to himself.
Darry looked around, he had landed himself on the top of a mountain. The easiest way down a mountain, is through it. Darry focused the force around his hands, gaining more and more energy until is started to weigh on his arms. He unleashed his gathered force directly down in a green laser blast, drilling a hole to the inside of the base of the mountain. Once down there, he shot a second beam straight forward so he could walk out.
The exit of the cave opened directly into a town. The force guides me. Darry figured he could take a ship off this ice planet. Darry casually strolled into town. The buildings were old and decrepit. But some Nemoidian citizens still walked around, gurgling in their native tongues An old Nemoidian woman leaned to Darry, arms outstretched, and made an expectant sound that sounded phlegmy from the back of her saggy throat.
"I have nothing to offer you," Darry showed his hands, palms forward: showing nothing.
"Ah, but have news for yoooou." She leaned forward, putting her hand by her mouth, whispering "I know the location of a much revered forcer hiding in the depths of this planet."
Darry's eyes lit up. "A hidden… forcer? On this planet?!" Darry suddenly needed to know where to find this man. "Where can I find this man?" Darry needed to know where he was, so that he could potentially test his skills. The old blue-skinned woman explained that he was a hermit who lived directly on the other side of the mountain. "Directly?" Darry asked. The woman slowly shook her head in the yes way. Darry left the town, going to face the exit hole he made in the frozen peak. He gathered up energy, and blasted a hole all the way to the other side.
One long, purposefully casual and cool, walk later, Darry had arrived at the crag on the far side of the mountain. Inside the crag, a man sat meditating. The main looked familiar, too familiar honestly. In fact… The Robbed Man that stole my sister. Darry force jumped at this silent realization. Landing directly in front of the man who stole his sister, who decided to wear grey today? Darry figured that'd be the most reasonable explanation for the wardrobe change.
"Han Somo." The man said, not bothering to open his eyes."
"What? Darry Barked."
"My name, you dipshit." The man responded. "My name is Han Somo, i figured you had better critical thinking skills than that. You've let me down, Darry. The force seems all about you, but I guess it's wack."
"What the heck, no!" Darry chided. "I'm totally with it! You just stole my sis you dark bastard! You're not exactly my favorite guy."
"Now it's my turn to say 'What the heck, no.'" Han Somo replied. "I have never met you, and I'm absolutely not a 'dark bastard.' Feel my force you strong moron and you'll figure it out." Darry did, he felt that Han Somo was immensely strong and as dead-center neutral force as cosmically possible. Damn. Real strong.
"Yeah that's what I thought." Han Somo quipped. "I'm strong as shit." Han Somo chortled, finally opening his eyes. His pupils were grey as hell, shocking Darry. Darry's eyes weren't nearly as grey.
"Well obviously we should team up and annihilate the guy who looks exactly like you and also kill my sister!" Darry excitedly suggests.
"Nah." Han Somo replies.
"Nah?" Darry shouts, leaning forward with his arms outstretched. "You're objectively powerful as you could possibly be, all of the neutral force flows into you!" Darry exclaimed, borderline shouted (rude).
"Not all." Han Somo calmly replied, eyes closed again, "You have some you dipshit. Obviously."
"You know damn well what I mean." Darry answers. He balls his fists at his side, he thrusts an aggressive finger (the rude one) "You're being a serious force hoarder."
Han Somo giggled. "Dipshit Darry. Just like you to start slinging around names. Like a child." Han Somo cracked up at his own retort.
Darry started turning red with rage. "You're going to absorb all this force and you won't even USE IT?!"
Han Somo ignored Darry's rage by taking a few moments to respond. "I'm using it." he replied slowly. He waited a few more moments to follow up just to fuck with him. "I'm using it to meditate." Han Somo smirked.
Darry suddenly lost it. He threw his entire neck and head back, and thrusted it forward, opening up his whole jaw and eating Han Somo's entire head in one giant, glorious bite. Instantly, all the force Han Somo had been hoarding flowed directly into Darry. Darry began to rise into the air, bolstered by his new found power. Darry began looking around, wondering what was happening, all while furiously open-mouthed munching on Han Somo's fleshy, bloody, eyeball filled cranium. Bits and pieces of Somo's head were falling out of Darry's mouth and onto the ground as the Kaminoan slowly raised into the air.
Darry slowly started cackling while chewing. "Yes… this power… this GREY, NEUTRAL POWER! It's all mine!" Darry began laughing, not evil-y but neutral-y. He swallowed the chewed up bits of Somo's head, leaving a bulge in his neck as it slithered down his long, muscular throat. Soon after, a blinding flash of grey light illuminated the cave. As the light dimmed, Darry fell back face first on the floor. But he wasn't hurt because he had a lot of new power.
"Shit." Darry whispered. "Fuck Somo. Now I have the strength to kill my stupid ass sister." He got up off the floor and dusted himself off.
Darry knocked, himself clean off his legs in his attempt to dust himself off and landed face first a second time. It still didnt hurt, because of the amount of new power he had. As he stood up a second time, he realized his arms and legs were… huge. Not like, too huge, but huge nontheless…
Darry gazed over at the headless corpse of Han Somo, which was still blasting blood neck-stump thanks to the still beating heart of the powerful, neutral-as-hell, dead forcer.
Darry thought to himself, "Daaaaamn. That body is strong as hell. Maybe I should just keep chowing down."
And chow down he did. Darry figured he'd pick up where he left off, completely unhinging his jaw and taking a bite out of Somo's chest. Neck-stump first, of course. Darry relished the feeling of blood gushing down his throat as he took a big bony bite of that old man's chest. Darry munched and crunched. Bones crackling and the esophagus wiggling around in the meaty ball Darry was actively creating. Instead of swallowing in small chunks like someone savoring a meal, Darry just went ahead and swallowed the whole big bit. As the wad hit his tummy, Darry felt his muscles bulge a second time. Still bigger, but Darry was going for too big at this point.
Darry went ahead and just ate both arms at once. His muscles got like, even bigger dude. Huge. But not big enough. Darry also felt a numb pain in his head. His Kamino head crest (he was a boy) was growing in scale with his big ole' muscles. "See how high you can get." Darry said aloud between huge open-mouth chews of arms, fingernails dribbling down his chin.
Darry proceeded to just go ahead and eat the rest of Han Somo relatively faster. He was sort of bored of eating the old force-hoarder. Especially because he wasn't, like, even cooked. So Darry ate his ass (gross) and his dick (gay) and his legs and organs and all that (even the poop, it got stuck between his teeth because Somo ate a lot of popcorn last night) and finally took a big huge shit himself and ate that too (he wanted to get all the force, you know?)
The result? Darry was fucking enormous. A maniac monster.
No.
A maniac monster ape.
His head-crest stood a full four-fucking-feet tall. His muscles? Too huge. The guy was mostly muscles. His scoulder-muscles went, like, halfway up his three-foot-wide muscle wad of a neck. (author's note: Kamino people have fucking huge necks) And his thighs? Ho boy. The dude was as big as anyone could ever even conceive of someone being while still being able to reasonably move around. Absolute monster, man. What is Darry even going to do with all that strength?
Darry wiped the poop and toenails from his mouth, and spat out like a toe bone or something. Then he ate it, just to be sure man.
"I'm disgusted with myself." He said solemnly. "But this new power…"
Darry started to look at his new, beautifully muscled and sculpted hands. Then he clenched them. He painfully remembered the face of the man that took his sis, and made her pretty damn dark. It had nothing to do with the fact that he just ate pretty much that same face. He was just angered, completely separately, by the thought of that guy. He was over Somo at this point tbh. Somo who? Ha.
"I could probably wipe the floor with that stupid little dude. He just looks like a little shrimp to me. I then will just kill my little "sister" too while I'm at it. She'll have to pay for going to the damn dark side."
"But how the heck do I find her?" Darry exclaimed, slapping his head with both hands. Darry had forgotten how strong he was, so he knocked himself backwards and fell a third time. But it didn't hurt because he had a lot of new power.
Darry figured he could probably just find her in the force. And because he was neutral in the force, he could check out the light and dark sides aaaaaaaand…. There she was. Honestly, she was right above him. Like, through a whole lot of space but sincerely she was right….
Darry pointed his finger (not the rude one, the "look over there!" or "That way!" one. You know the one) upwards straight at where his idiot sis absolutely was. Darry ran hare. He was weak as hell then. But at this point he was someone else entirely in the "strength" department. Dude just…. Jumped.
Darry blasted through the cosmos, avoiding star ships and rocks and all that shit. Darry spotted the planet coming up quick. It was okay, I guess. It had a pink ocean and blue skies and sentient dolphin-looking-motherfuckers who spoke in this horrible high pitched jittering that was often mistaken for laughter and honestly often just was. Darry landed on top of one full force, obliterating it into a meaty paste that dissipated into the ocean. Darry dove down… down…. Down…. Deep into the ocean and straight through the ceiling of one of Kind Solo's many secret underwater bases. Today, he was lecturing Senthos on the history of the Max Rebo band. She couldn't give a shit.
Darry wasn't hurt at all, he got up and was fine due to the new power he got. Kind Solo was pretty shocked to see him, and Senthos was too.
"Brother… you got strooooong…" Senthos was looking at his, much bigger, much improved stature and build. He noticed all the veins poking out of him."What did you eat haha." she chuckled. (its a little joke about how he got strong by eating Somo's head but people just say that sometimes when you get bigger.)
Darry's grey eyes look at Kind Solo. His eyes were as grey, if not more grey, than Somo's were before he was eaten. "Why did you do this. Why did you just take my sis away from me and into your dark world."
Kind Solo threw his head back in exasperation. He has just, just been trying to get how cool Max Rebo is through Senthos' idiot thick skull before this musclebound maniac man burst through his ceiling. The ceiling to his underwater base. Water was fucking blasting through the enormous hold Darry ploughed through his wall, but Kind Solo figured that just wasn't going to come up in conversation.
Kind Solo still had not put down the mint condition Max Rebo: The Greatest Hits I've Had LP that was now being sloshed with sloppy water. He was irritated, to say the least.
"Look, you monster motherfucker." Kind Solo barked. Darry stared down Kind Solo. "You ruined my ceiling, and my carpet, and you've let an inordinate amount of water into my base. My secret base. How will I even get this repaired? Do you know how the idiot locals repair things? With shit. Their shit. Their shit wont hold back an ocean and I dont also want any more shit in my carpet than normally get in there recreationally." Senthos turned to look at his, grossed out (it was gross)
"Man," Kind Solo continued, "I took your sister because I was bored. I got a sick new VR headset with cool nanobots that let me fuck with the force but I only had enough to mess with your sister. I would've totally had your back too, but I forgot." Kind Solo waited for a response. Which didn't come immediately. So he continued, "Best part is? Your sister is mind controlled as hell. Pretty much a meat puppet. Look." Kind Solo threw his favorite LP across the room to make a point, directly into Senthos' face. "She doesn't give a shit. At least not visibly. Please, leave and also fix my very nice custom ceiling."
The entire time Kind was ranting, Darry was getting more and more angry. This dude… made his sweet sister evil, as a joke?! A GAG?! Darry was furious, the veins on his neck and head pulsating like frickin crazy. Darry imagined Kind Solo, sitting in a chair, scratching his ass and shoving creepy crawlies into his sis's ear. Then he imagined Kind Solo pulling out a picture of Darry, pointing directly at it and laughing and laughing. Giggling so hard at Darry that he started tearing up. Then he whipped his zipper down and took a piss on the picture and just was laughing pretty damn hard.
Darry… couldn't STAND being laughed at. Made a fool of.
Darry shat out two grey lightsabers in fury. He forgot he ate those. He quickly composed himself, got out a disinfectant wipe, did a clean sweep of the lightsabers, then he pulled his reading glasses out, and cleaned the shit out of all the tiny corners of both sabers very carefully. Then he disposed of the wipe, put his reading glasses in his pocket, used wet wipes to wipe his ass, used hand sanitizer on himself, and cleared his throat. Then he got MAAAAAADD!
"You're gonna PAY for what you did to my sis!" He shouted. Darry ignited the sabers and ran his ass off towards Kind.
Kind Solo was slightly irritated. Really, his whole lecture was an attempt to get Senthos to just stop whining about the Max Rebo band every time he played it for hours. Then this buff-ass bufoon burst his way in. Kind Solo moaned at him for awhile to try to just like, get him to leave but the dude seemed determined. Now he wanted to fight? The irritation gave way to amusement. Darry was coming at him full force, an idiot move for someone who is as experienced as Kind Solo is in like fights and shit.
Kind Solo flew all the way to the ceiling. First, he force fixed his ceiling because he was sick of all the water ruining his carpet. He really did like that carpet, and he killed an entire burgeoning race to get enough fur for it. Then Kind Solo force threw Darry across the room, making him purposefully hit Senthos on the way to the wall.
Darry looked back at his sister. He missed her, she was cool. Darry thought, "maybe I don't have to kill her. I didn't know that she didn't go dark on purpose, Kind just got in her head. Maybe I can convince her to go grey instead."
Darry got up (not hurt) and offered Senthos a hand. He pulled her up and placed his huge ass hand on her shoulder.
"Senthos, snap the hell out of this. We were gonna go grey, remember?! Not black… Not white… just good ol' in-between."
Senthos gave him a coy smile. "I wanted to be dark all along, Darry. Even before the damn nano-bots."
Darry looked back in shock. "No, you're still under Kind's control…"
Senthos's coy smile turned into a little coy giggle. "Kind tried to turn me to the dark side, because he saw my dark ass potential, but I personally told him the next day I didn't even need those nanobots and I'll totally just join him."
Darry looked even more frikken shocked. Speechless, man.
Senthos's little coy giggle turned into full on coy cackling "I played you, Darry! WE played you!"
Kind Solo joined in the cacophony of coy cackling, buckled over hands on his stomach, "We SO did! You thought she was mind controlled but she was evil the whole time!" Kind Solo wiped a tear from his face before doubling over in a second, even more hysterical laughter pointing both hands at Darry (with the "look at that!" or "We totally pranked you, dude!" finger, not the rude one). Kind Solo and Senthos had been planning this joke for awhile in the event Darry ever showed up, but he showed up in just a few months so it was a pretty decent turnaround.
Darry was beyond embarrassed. How… did he not see this coming?
"How dare Kind and Senthos make fun of me and my power!" He gritted through his teeth. "I'm… Darry… I'm fricken awesome baby. I can't be laughed at… not by this Kind asshat… and certainly… not BY MY SISTER!" Darry exploded with rage and his head crest went gold. Kind and Senthos were shocked again.
Darry full on charged at Kind, and punched him right in the stomach. Kind felt something he had not felt in a long time… pain. Just a little bit of pain, but it was there. Enough for him to be annoyed about it for certain. And enough for him to do something about it. He began to think creatively about how to end this dude as he blasted through the ocean floor.
Kind Solo opted to continue blasting downwards, then reemerge somewhere outside of his sweet, soon to be former secret base. First, Kind Solo force-threw Senthos from where she was standing in his study to the pilot's set of his personal ship, the Harrison Ford. It took throwing her through a few walls and doors but it wasn't a whole thing. He still sensed Darry staring through the hole in the floor he blast Kind Solo into. At least he was still naive. That was a weakness for a monster maniac of his magnitude, especially since it was something… new to Kind Solo. And new things are best dealt with quickly. Kind Solo force-blasted his ship out of the hangar a moment before he went ahead and imploded the entire base around Darry. He wondered if that would be enough. (editor's note: Kind Solo didn't breathe for this whole time underwater, he was past all that)
Darry got all squished up in the base as it all got crushed at once. He squeaked out a small "fuck Senthos, gonna kill that sis." Then he inflated his muscles really hard and everything around him exploded, leaving Darry alive and well (he wasn't hurt at all, he's fine).
2 b (0/\/71/\/\/3|)