Star Wars Episode VII: Return of the Force: CHapter 15: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Bites Back: Chapter 6: Star Wars Episode IX: The Feral Flump: Chapter 6: I Shitted & Farted All Day Because I Drank Milk & Ate Cheese
The big shiny ship landed on Naboo safely with all of our heroes on it.
"Holy fucking shit that was the longest flight I've EVER been on." Dith barked.
"Shh! No cursies around the baby!" Cith said, swaddling Qui Gon in a blankie.
Dith got real embarrassed because he said a piss word in front of a grown man acting like a baby.
Luke was having a blast whipping his bare ass on everything in sight, marking his territory.
"Luke get back over here now!" Cith yelled! (Chith is really stressed out at the moment.
Obi Wan was listening to music on his iPod Mini.
Jaim'z was replaying the Phantom Menace in his head trying to figure out where they were in terms of the story.
"So wez done da pod racin'." He said as he looked around the space port at all the yellow Naboo fighters. "And they's gettin' in dem flyin' yellow taxi lookin' tingz… Dat means we're… UH OH!"
"HOYAAAAAAAAA! HA HOOOOOOOOOO!" The music said as the doors opened up revealing Darth Maul.
"Oh you've gotta be fucking shitting me!" Said Dith.
Chith just looked annoyed but didn't say anything.
The camera zoomed into Maul's red-ass face. "Wanna fight?" He askd and we've got trouble.
He pulled out his litesober and two red blades shot out of each end.
"HAYAAAAAAAAAA HE HAAAAAAAAAAA" The choir shouted.
Jaim'z shot all of them because they were pissing HIM OFF!
Dith pulled out his saber and clicked the button and it said buzz and a red lightsaber came out.
Chith did the same with his but his was purple (not red)
Luke did the same but his was green (not purple or red)
Obi Wan did the same but his was blue (not purple or red or green)
Qui Gon sucked his thumb and giggled a little.
"Aw he's dreaming :)" Cith said.
"That's so cute!" Luke Skyfucker said. "Goochy goochy goo!" He (also) said while tickling the pubes on Qui Gon's chin. (Qui Gon Chin get it? I just made that up while typing this. Lightening the mood a bit you know how it is)
"That's so fucking goddamn addorable." Dith said.
Chith made a mad face at Dith and Dith blushed.
"Hold on just one second. I need to put him in his crib so he's not in the way" Chith said unbuckling Qui Gon from his chest carrier.
"Oh yes of course go right ahead" Said Darth Maul said.
Chtih took Qui Gon to an adult sized crib in the corner conveniently sitting in the corner.
"Okay now that the baby is out of the way… Let's get this fucking show on the road" Chith said with furrowed brows.
Dith got a little scared. Chith really seemed fired up.
The sabers started'a swingin'.
"Boom, zoom, clish, clash, smash, poom, wham, punch" The sombos said as they smacked eachother.
Chith and Dith were standing on one side of Darth Maul and Luke and Obi Wan were standing on the other side. Each of our four heroes weren't really doin' much. Just standing there with their lightsabers pointing straight up while Darth Maul bounced each end of his lightsaber between them.
"Oof! You are masters at the art of combat" Maul said.
Chith and Dith said "thx" and smiled a little (but not completely)
"I'm actually not a master. I'm a padawan. I was a master but I fucked up and now he's my master." Luke said pointing to Chith.
"I'm not a master either" Obi Wan said.
"No shit?" Maul asked. "Who's your master? Is it this guy?" He continued pointing to Dith.
Dith shook his head and held up his hands in a shrugging motion.
"No these guys are my new friends." Obi Wan replied. "My master is over there!" and he pointed to the crib.
But Qui Gon wasn't in the crib. HE WAS GONE!
"Where is Qui Gon!?" Chith screamed.
Everyone looked over at Jaim'z who was sitting on a box eating a banana.
"What? Nobody said I was apposed to watch 'em!" Jaim'z said with a mouth full of banana.
"Ya know I was being nice before but I'm real into this fight." Said Darth Mall.
The lightsombo clashing began again. "Clish & clash, squish & squash, Drake & Josh" the lightsabers said as the hit eachother.
They all began making their way into that big room with the big glowing pink pillars. You know the one.
Darth Maul did 5 backflips and cut off Luke's hand. (Not the one with the hook in it. His other one)
"I knew I should have stayed home today!" Luke said (Magic School Bus)
Luke sat on the floor and tried reattaching his severed hand to his stump of a wrist. But everytime he stuck it on it would fall off again.
The others made their way to a big BIG hall way with a bunch of red laser doors opening and closing for some reason idk why those were there.
"Clunge clunge clunge" each door said as it opened and closed.
It separated Obi Wan and Chith from the Dith and Maul.
Dith and Maul were still clashing away in a big donut room with a huge hole in the middle.
"Chith look!" Obi Wan said bumping his elbow into Chith's side.
Chith related back because he kinda just med Obi Wan and didn't appreciate him acting all chummy with him just yet.
Chith loooked to where Obin 1 was pointing.
"Qui Gon!" He yelled.
Qui Gon was crawling around the edge of the big donut hole on all fours like a baby with spit drooling from his open mouth.
"No no Qui Gon! Stay away from the big hole! And watch out for the two swordsmen lightsaber fighting around you!" Chith called out.
Dith and Maul were still fightin' up a storm.
Qui Gon didn't listen and kept crawling and slipped and fell into the hole. He fell down down down and landed on a saxophone man at the bottom. Killing both of them in a big gushy mess.
"NOOOOO!" Yelled Obi Wan.
Darth Maul smiled (evily) at Obi Wan, taking credit for Qui Gon's death.
"Clunge clunge clunge" The red doors opened up.
Obi and Chtih ran out and started swingin at Maul.
It seems that Maul's little evil smile worked and Chith and Obi Wan and also Dith were convinced that Qui Gon's death was in fact his doing! (What a douche!)
Obi Wan punched Maul in the fat face and Maul saw tweety birds.
Then Obi Wan did a big slash and cut Maul in half.
"OOF!" Maul said as his top and lower half fell down the hole.
Each of our heroes retracted their lightsabers and stood there with their hands on their hips.
"Well that takes care of that." Dith said.
Suddenly a portal opened up next to everyone and Brian's stuck his head out.
"Well it looks like you guys have had a good time in Episode 1!" Brian said.
"Maybe a lil :3" Chith said with his finger on his chin.
Jaim'z and Luke arrived.
Dith look hard into the portal and saw a tan alien with red eyes and a big, disgusting tumor protruding from his head.
"Hey who's that in there?" He asked. "Are you plottin something?"
"Uh no no no thats my… my boyfriend!" Brian said nervously.
Bib blushed.
"Yes this is my boyfriend and I rail him in the ass every day. That's it! No secret plan going on here haha!" Brian continued.
Luke, Chith, Dith, and Jaim'z all said "hmmm" at once while squinting and rubbing their chinny chin chins (luke was using his cotterized nub. gross)
"Uh well it looks like there's no more adventures to be had here! Ontop Episode 2!" Brian said in a panic. He snapped his fingers and another portal opened up behind our heroes.
They walked in and looked at Obi Wan who was smiling and waving goodbye and the portal closed.
Continued it will be (Yoda voice)