AN: As noted, this is the start of the hero team, the X-Squad.
"So I thought, why should I wait for Zeus, Ra or Odin to make that team, when I could easily make it myself, it turned out that my disciple picked some weird choices, but who am I to complain. They get results."
We cut to a bus train, where a group of misfits crashed on top of each other.
"Welp, we're not dead." The green duck man, Robin, stated, shimmying out from underneath a purple haired child. "But this is definitely not the house."
"Um, is someone gonna help him?" The red haired man, Harry, said.
"I've got this." The black haired girl, Celestia Ludenberg, said before she lifts the blue haired yellow child, Danny, up.
"Thanks for that." Danny said.
"Okay, one, who are all y'all, and two, someone get me some candy sticks." The boy with dragon features dressed in casual regal clothes, Prince Drakus Hydrax of Drakonia, said.
"I don't know anyone here!" The water dragon, Zap, said
"Okay, all of you look pretty strange, but cool at the same time." The green haired girl, Julie, said.
The pink, brown and white haired girl, Neo Politan, started flailing and kicking.
"It's okay Neo, I'm here. Wait, where is here?" The orange haired man, Roman Torchwick, wondered.
"Wait, who are you and why aren't we in Mr. Silas' yard?!" A mysterious voice said.
"Wait, who said that?!" A white haired girl, Asami Uehara, said.
A girl with brown hair and a blue jacket, Muty, stares at a young redhead girl wearing a green shirt with a yellow stripe on the end, teal pants, and white boots along with a purple haired girl wearing a visor and a snake monster with a scaly purple hide, a light purple underbelly and very dark purple and light purple feathers which are as scaly as his skin. He had the wings of a bird, a very long serpentine body which can increase its length, a tuft of lion-like fur at the end of his tail and a lion-like mane with long black, purple, and white hair. He had green snake eyes and his bird wings have a much darker coloring on the outside and a grayer coloring on the inner feathers. His most peculiar trait though is the insect-like antennas (or possibly very thin feathers) on his head, making him look rather chimeric overall.
"Ugh, just when dad left the house too." The redhead said.
"Hey, maybe we should get off this bus, maybe find where we are." A girl with short pink and red hair, Hibiki Otonokoji, said.
"Well, we can try. Or maybe try and make due with what we get." Her more 'endowed' twin sister, Kanade Otonokoji, suggested.
"Don't get too close to that man in the glasses. He looks feral." Robin suggested, looking at a man with glasses.
The misfits then climbed off each other.
"Oh, sorry. My name's Eleanor Sterne." The girl, Eleanor, said.
Eleanor Sterne - Daughter of Silas Sterne, brave butt fighter, possibly dead inside
"My name's Jasmine Queenston, and this is my inner demon, Malcho." Jasmine said, pointing towards the demon.
Jasmine Queenston - Video game fan, possibly autistic, conditioned to accept horror
"Well, her ancestor, Aladdin, was my previous foe, but since I was sealed inside his child, cursed to be their guardian spirit, I became her demon." Malcho explained.
Malcho - Former villain turned guardian spirit, secretly loves it, fan of b movies
"We're from other universes!" Drakus said. "Name's Drakus Hydrax, Prince of Drakonia."
Drakus Hydrax - Sociopath, Prince, loves candy sticks and living bundle of chaos
"I'm Julie Hinikawa, former keyboard player of Puffy AmiYumi." Julie said.
Julie Hinikawa - one crazy bitch, possibly violent, knows how to play a keytar amazingly
"Zap, member of the Skylanders and a big prankster." Zap said.
Zap - Skylanders, prankster and beloved member
"This is Neo Politan, I'm Roman Torchwick, we're friends." Roman added.
Neo Politan - Illusionist, former rich girl, and possibly murder happy
Roman Torchwick - Notorious thief, flamboyant as hell, and passionate about eyeliner
"I do not think we have been introduced. I am Celestia Ludenberg." Celestia added.
Celestia Ludenberg - Ultimate Gambler, Queen of lies and tea aficionado
"My name's Harry, the yellow one's Danny and the bird's Robin" Harry added.
Harry - the red one made of string, only sane man, patience is thin
Robin - small green duck, fabulous man, self reliant
Danny - yellow pig (probably), dumb, loves to explore
Muty got out a whiteboard and drew her name.
"So, you're named Muty." Malcho said.
Muty nodded.
Muty - delinquent, loves to cause a ruckus, Gator fan
"Just call me Asami Uehara." Asami added.
Asami Uehara - Ultimate Detective, sleep deprived, doesn't know what she's doing
"Name's Zinnia Ramirez, Drakus's cousin." The pink and teal haired girl said.
Zinnia Ramirez - Drakonian duchess, loves to snark, never afraid to speak her mind
"I am Louise Françoise Le Blanc De La Vallière." the pink haired girl said.
Louise Vallière - The Zero, magic ends up blowing up in her face, very determined
"Laura Bodewig, Student of IS Academy." The young white haired girl said.
Laura Bodewig - Test tube baby, can't be normal for the life of her, coffee addict
"I'm Hibiki Otonokoji, Ultimate Vocalist! And she's Kanade! My twin sister, Ultimate Guitarist and Ultimate Murderous Fiend." Hibiki said.
Hibiki Otonokoji - confident lesbian but can't sleep for the life of her, can and will slap a bitch, thrill seeker
"H-Hello. Please don't press into why I'm known as the Ultimate Murderous Fiend, let's just say, you don't wanna know." Kanade said.
Kanade Otonokoji - serial killer with 60 kills under her belt, probably functional, loves old weapons and rock
"I'm a proud and mighty member of ASIC's front-line infantry, Linda. Don't forget it!" The grey skinned greenette wearing a mouse jacket said.
Linda - underling, not functionally gay, has only two functional braincells
"So, an Underling then?" Roman asked.
"What!? Where the hell do you get off calling me an underling, huh!?" Linda said, cheeks reddening at how embarrassing it was to be called Underling.
"Well you said you're infantry, right? Definitely an Underling." Drakus explained.
"Well, I guess, but please just keep this between us." Underling said.
"Well now you know our names, what are the other ones named?" Jasmine asked curiously.
"Lark Cyclonis, that's all you need to know." The purple short haired girl said, scowling at everyone.
Cyclonis - empress of Cyclonia, can and will slap someone, loves candy
"Name's Sapphire Ink." The blue skinned short haired girl said.
Sapphire Ink - loves to draw, probably sleepy, caffeine drives her bloodstream.
"Montgomery Gator, at your service." The gator animatronic said.
Montgomery Gator - dumb alligator, probably murdered someone
"I am Megabeast Hunter Bangray, that's all you need to know." The manta ray monster said.
Bangray - probably a sociopath, loves to copy memories, sings Snoop Dogg songs
"I am Jeeves Weevil, a proud gentleman." The weevil monster said.
Jeeves Weevil - blood addict, loves to dress nice, can and will kick a man in the balls
"I'm Mimi, this is Sheshe. We're the Black Beauty Sisters." The blue haired fish girl said.
"Hello." The redhead fish girl said.
Mimi and Sheshe - Can and will sing you to death, Mimi's the sleepy gay, Sheshe is the functional gay
"Name's Lila Rossi." The brunette wearing an orange jacket said.
Lila Rossi - trickster through and through, only sane girl, not at all functionally gay
"I'm Namue, son of King Shark." The shark monster said.
Namue - shark demigod, loves to eat sushi, rom hacks League of Legends
"Yep. This is my life. Standing in my arena while monologuing to myself for no reason because that's how plot development works," Cell, a bug-like android, said aloud to himself. Then he realized something. "Wait a minute, this isn't a YouTube video!" He looked around and saw that his arena was now hosting a band of misfits, and him standing in the middle of nowhere. "But where's my arena…and why the fuck do I feel like I'm being watched?!"
"Hello, fellow stranger," Drakus said from behind Cell.
"What the?!" Cell turned around. "Who the fuck are you?!"
"Hey Cell," Cell's trusty sidekick, Kermit the Frog, greeted as he walked up to Cell. "Do you feel on edge or something today?"
"Yeah, yeah I do Kermit," Cell said. "Something just feels wrong. And I'm not talking about how I couldn't feel my dick after I fucked Cellette." For those who don't know, on Valentines Day, Kermit gave Cell a female android who looked like Cell which was known as Thot-Droid 9000, but Cell renamed her Cellette.
And no, Cell wasn't getting more children. Depressed Jimmy-I mean Cell Jr. was enough.
"Holy shit, you couldn't feel your meat?" Kermit asked.
"Nope! I went fully in and even went Golden. My, I have never heard such a high pitched moan before in my life," Cell said.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOOO!" Came the gay moan of Zarbon, which echoed through the middle of nowhere that Cell and Kermit stood.
Perfect Cell - Android, perfect being, depressed, victim of several assaults from video game and anime characters.
Kermit the Frog - Don't call him a Sesame Street character, is probably a crazy frog.
"Honestly, I'm like 80% sure that this is a kidnapping." Roman said.
"A kidnapping?!" Jasmine exclaimed.
"My kidnapping sense is tingling. As a veteran, I've got a feeling that this must be one on a grand scale!" Roman explained.
"What do you mean, "kidnapping sense"?!" Malcho asked.
"Hmm... If this IS a kidnapping, the culprit must be quite daring if they chose to target Hope's Peak freshmen." Kanade guessed.
"Wait a sec! If we HAVE been kidnapped, shouldn't we be tied up or have somebody guarding us or something?" Hibiki asked.
"To be fair, no one's ever heard of a kidnapping where the kidnapper just let their victims run around willy-nilly. Let alone use a portal to kidnap their victims." Eleanor suggested.
"Well, I guess that it is very different from your average kidnapping." Roman guessed.
Just then, a pitch black portal appeared in the sky and out came a grey and blue mechanical dragon. Out came a spider monster made out of human flesh, a very pale girl, with long hair and horns painted white. She possessed a black arrow-tipped tail like the other demons, and wears a crimson polo shirt with a black tie under a black suit vest and gray slacks, topped off with a pair of crimson safety glasses. Over this outfit she wears a white lab coat with the sleeves rolled up to expose her forearms, which have been replaced with robot arms, a snake monster like Malcho except the hide was cobalt blue, the feathers were ghost white and the eyes were blood red and leading them was a snow white-skinned girl with black and blue hair, a white vest with a hood, black jeans, an ice blue long sleeve shirt, black sneakers and a demon mouth mask made of some mysterious fabric with stars, dragons and other mythological creatures quite literally dancing and chasing each other across space, four incredibly fluffy-looking wolf tails spread out behind her, each one having a large ring just beneath the tip with a noh mask on it and blue fire burning at the tips as she was being led by an alien dressed like a stereotypical gangster.
"So, like... besides the fact that this thing came out of a portal, this is a normal school event, right?" Hibiki wondered.
"We found the world we're looking for!" The flesh spider monster, Vecna, said, his voice echoing and human-like.
Vecna - Can siphon people's blood, loves violence, can and will shank you.
"Hold on." The horned girl in a lab coat, Loremaster, told Vecna.
Loremaster - pyromaniac, demon girl, danger to society
"What?! They're not here!" Vecna realized. "Where's the humans?!"
"At ease, Vecna, I'll handle this transgression." The dragon, Ohclam, said, his voice similar to Malcho, as he pulled out a uzi and started shooting at people, killing the alien in the process.
Ohclam - Can and will send someone into a tornado just to see them scream
"You two can turn all the people in this city into a pack for all I care. I'm more interested in finding this world's Lupin Item, and dealing with any impotent trash ass bitch in my way." the girl, Kiko Kibutsuji-Winterfoot, rolled her eyes.
Kiko Kibutsuji-Winterfoot - Cold-blooded gangster.
"You want to give us an explanation, or are we to assume this is where we've come to set up operations?" Vecna asked, clearly beleaguered.
"Rather strange. I'm certain he said this was their location." Loremaster said.
Vecna then sniffed the air. "Hmm, something around here smells off." Vecna realized, seeing a human in a moped heading towards them.
"Oh, shit, look. It's Mr. Pilfrey! He's got dementia!" Jasmine quietly yelled.
"Hello? What's going on out here? Martha? Is that you?" Mr. Pilfrey asked, before being impaled by Vecna.
"Oh my god... what the fuck did they just do to Mr. Pilfrey?!" Eleanor exclaimed quietly.
"Holy shit! That dude wasn't lying when he said that this was the place!" Vecna exclaimed. "No wonder these guys are the thing we need to add, this shit's amazing!"
"Come on, Vecna, stop hogging the kills, we agreed to share." Loremaster said, trying to calm Vecna down.
"Oh, don't be so stiff! There are some preppers. Try them out." Vecna said, pointing towards a family, Loremaster then started blasting, saving the child for last.
"Oh FUCK!" Loremaster exclaimed, her lab coat drooping. "It's like fucking nirvana! No wonder Birch said humans are great, they're great blood bags!"
"Vecna, Azazel, remember what we're here for." Ohclam said.
"Yeah, yeah, wipe out any resistance, get Kiko the Neo-Lupin Item, make money along the way!" Azazel exclaimed, still having a fun trip.
"Soon, this world will be conquered by Deadlight." Vecna said, still in bliss. "Time they see the brunt of the elite force, the Shadow Hunters."
"Well, two of our pals are high out of their skull." The gray skinned pirate, Kronos, said.
Kronos - Tidal Nightmare
"Don't worry Kronos, we'll be ready for the local authorities when the time comes." The fish monster, Megafin said.
Megafin - Living Sushi Demon
"Ummmm, told ya humans would be good slaves, Azzy. No duh." The auburn haired girl, Birch Small said.
Birch Small - Artistic Slasher
"Let's go before they see us, everyone, we wouldn't want to be attacked before preparation." The purple haired girl with sludge blotches on her, Calamity Plight, said.
Calamity Plight - Genius at her craft
"Amen to that, the opening scene's not ready yet." The pale girl in a top hat and black and red ensemble, Ink Blotch, said.
Ink Blotch - Can and will get an amen in here
"Now come on, better get back before people spot us." The brunette in a circus themed ensemble, Yuika Iranami aka Chirol, said.
Yuika Iranami - Clown girl with a violent streak
"Arrgh, but I wanted to see how much of these scallywags I can get." The man with gray hair and beard wearing a blue overall, a white shirt with red stripes, white gloves, black boots and a white cap, Taihei Isozaki aka Blackbeard, said in a seadog accent.
Blackbeard - Living proof piracy still exists
"Calm down, Blackbeard, we don't want to attract suspicion." The one in a pale yellow shirt and brown vest, a red tie, brown vest, gray pants and brown shoes, Satoru Roppo aka Prosecutor Ito, said, straightening his tie.
Prosecutor Ito - Lawyer finding beauty in violence.
"Ya sure about that, Ito? All of us are wanted criminals." The man with dark blue cloud-like hair in a long blue jacket with red hems, a white undershirt with blue raindrops printed on it, dark green pants, black boots with gray sole, and sunglasses with red lens, Tsuyuharu Nyudo aka Vic, said in an abrasive tone.
Vic - Weatherman of fear.
"That is true, I'm not going back to making mochi again." The rabbit, Monster Carrot, said, getting PTSD from being on the moon making mochi.
Monster Carrot - Former mob boss, fears mochi
"Well, let's go everyone, it's time for us to get some humans made into slaves." The redhead girl in a pink and black ensemble, Circe, said.
Circe - Magical maniac
"Soon, this world will know true insanity, we will provide that." The one-eyed green monster with 4 tentacles, Shuma-Gorath, said.
Shuma-Gorath - Eldritch deity, loves to cause carnage
The dragon then teleported away.
"Um, anyone, help me, please!" A voice said, clearly scared.
"Welp, I'm traumatized for life but it's worth it for the shits and giggles." Robin said.
"Um, we think we can save you. I hope." Emily said, scared about the whole situation.
"Are you crazy? This scoop's gone off the rails and is getting too big, even for me!" Nikei exclaimed. "So of course, we're going after it."
Eleanor sweatdropped. "Uh, let's go, I guess?"
Then Eleanor lifted a blue gun with a face.
"Finally! Oh my god, finally I'm free! Thank god, what a nightmare. Listen, can you pull the inhibitor chip out of me? It's the metal thing stuck in me, just pull it." The gun explained.
"Um, sure?" Eleanor said, pulling a red piece of metal.
"Ahh, that feels so much better! Thank you! Listen, my name's Kenny. I'm a Gatlian. Uhh, we, we gotta kinda, we gotta move." Kenny explained.
Kenny - Probably depressed, is a talking gun, scared for his life
"I agree, because some lizard freaks dressed like street thugs, seagull ninjas and barracuda pirates are here along with shadow freaks and silver freaks, some wolves that look like Santa's elves, and some bunny people with masks, along with some music monsters and robots with guns, we might call them Fanglars, Feargulls, Clurkrahnnas, Negatones, Elfwolves, Dough-Goos, Heartless and Nobodies. The rabbits we'll call Stooges." Robin explained, pointing at those same monsters.
"I don't see anything wrong with it," Kermit commented, before the Dough-Goos aimed at them. "OH SHIT, THEY'RE PACKIN' HEAT!"
"A-all right, kids! E-everything's going to be fine." Mr. Will Wedgewood said. "J-just, um, stay calm, and s-stay close to me." He then began leading them through the bus train. He pulled the release lever and dislodged the previous car from the bus.
"Come on, Mr. Wedgewood, jump! Hurry!" one of the students said.
"D-don't worry about me kids! J-just stay safe!" he shouted.
"Mr. Wedgewood!" the students shouted. The teacher turned around and took off his glasses, revealing his deep blue eyes. "I gotta stop this bus or else." he said.
A few miles ahead was Blossom City Elementary School, soon to be the site of an accident if the bus is not stopped.
Will Wedgewood - Secretly Wonder Red, possible trained professional, very confused as to what's going on.
"Uh-oh! It's very important that you listen to everything I say! Okay, it is your lucky day right now. We can survive this together if you just listen to me! Those Deadlight guys are willing to kill or enslave your whole species to find the Neo-Lupin Item in this reality. Can you handle a gun? Because you know, I'm kind of a gun, and if you don't use me to kill those grunts, y-you know, they're gonna fuckin' kill us!" Kenny explained.
Fanglars, Feargulls, Clurkrahnnas, Negatones, Threshers, Soldier Heartless, Dusk Nobodies, Dough-Goos, Elfwolves and Stooges - Ne'er-do-wells with fine drip.
"What do you take us for, casuals?" Drakus asked rhetorically before running towards a Fanglar, before kicking him back into a Buffoon and impaling them both.
One of the Fanglars stood up, looking intimidating, "Grab as many people as you can!" He shouted before being stabbed by Drakus.
"Holy shit! Fuck yeah, there we gol" Kenny said as everyone laughed…and then Kanade brought out a boombox, of all things, and started to play a song to accompany Drakus, who were dancing as he battled the mooks.
"P-ping! Blossom elementary in 300 meters! Collision imminent! Bzzt!" came a robot from the sky. "P-Star!" Wedgewood shouted.
"P-ping! Hurry and get to the front of the bus! There's no time to waste! Bzzt!" P-Star said.
"Roger!" Wedgewood said, taking off.
BGM: Relapse (Wage War)
"Must have fought people before, huh." Kenny said as the misfits were clapping to the beat and laughing, while Hibiki decided to dance to it while Eleanor and Aria stood there, wondering what the hell was going on.
"What the?!" A Fanglar said before he was sent flying into a Stooge by Drakus.
"I have no idea what's going on…" Eleanor said.
"No kidding." Aria agreed.
Drakus then headed back. "Alright, first defeated mooks! Eleanor, I am so glad you picked me up. Le-let's keep goin'!" Kenny said.
"Hey, that guy has an idea!" Monty added.
"Well, we should follow their lead." Aria agreed.
The misfits then charged forward, using whatever new weapons they had on them to fight off the monsters.
Kanade quickly stroked the strings of her new guitar, and a laser beam shot out of the tip towards a Clurkrahnna, which hit him square in the gut.
Hibiki hit a high note on her new microphone, blasting a Soldier Heartless into another.
Monty used his upgraded claws to slice a Dusk Nobody silly.
Laura used her new clawed gloves to full effect, electrocuting Stooges.
Several Fanglars, Feargulls, Clurkrahnnas, Negatones, Elfwolves and Stooges rushed Roman and Neo, who were more than prepared for them. Roman parried a blow from a blast of shadow, sidestepped another, then blasted one of the Stooges into unconsciousness with his upgraded Melodic Cudgel. Then it was on to the next. As Neo knocked her third Stooge away and impaled it on her upgraded Hush, she became aware of a presence behind her; one of the Clurkrahnnas had gotten behind her and was raising a cleaver high above Neo's head, ready to grab her.
This unfortunate Clurkrahnna then suffered a bolt to the head from Zap, jolting him out cold.
Robin used a shovel to fend off Feargulls and Dusk Nobodies like nobody's business (see what I did there?) before Harry made use of a barstool to whack away a Fanglar, using his own weight as leverage.
Danny used a baseball bat to swat away Feargulls and Soldier Heartless left and right a la Negan from the Walking Dead while Asami made use of a monkey wrench, hitting a Clurkrahnna in the gut.
Julie used her new keytar to slice and dice her way through a group of Soldier Heartless, while Zap just zapped and made them slip and slide on his sea slime into each other or off the bus.
Cell started doing leaps and high kicks, taking out some Dough-Goos while Kermit used a trusty gun and started shooting some of the mooks in the nuts.
Mimi and Sheshe sang their signature song, "Voice in the Dark", making the Fanglars unwillingly dance to the song.
Cyclonis used her staff to swat and blast away any Fanglars and Stooges that got close to her while Sapphire made use of her new katana, slicing away at any Clurkrahnnas and Nobodies that got the drop on her.
Underling started whacking Stooges and Negatones with her upgraded lead pipe.
Bangray ripped through the Fanglars and Stooges like they were fresh vegetables and Jeeves sucked some Stooges dry, dissipating as they did so.
Muty got out some crocodile claws and started ripping and tearing through the Fanglars, meanwhile Celestia made use of her hammer and started whacking Stooges on the head like a twisted game of whack a mole.
"You know, I honestly did not expect the girl to be able to control a monster army," Malcho commented as he casually called in a monsoon to blow some Stooges away. "Does this count as animal abuse?"
"Well Kenny, say what you will, we're doing good out here." Eleanor said as she ran by, blasting away at Fanglars with Kenny.
"Malcho, that's not a nice way to refer to these things," Jasmine chided, blasting some Stooges away with a burst of light energy from her new ray gun.
Malcho laughed and high-fived his partner.
"Not bad, alien. Not bad at all. Let's head to that car." Kenny said.
END BGM
Then, the X-Squad headed into another car.
"Well, here you go! Okay, let's just clean house and warp outta here." Kenny explained.
The X-Squad then mowed down the mooks in there.
"Awesome! Y-y-you know we had to kill them, right? It was either them or us, yes, that includes me as well and, and I-I-I would prefer to live. Y'know and I have a voice here. I have a choice here." Kenny explained.
Just then, a 4-armed snake monster dressed like a cowboy appeared holding 4 blasters.
"Oh, shit! It's a Merkobra! They're tougher!" Kenny explained.
Merkobras - 4 hands, 4 deads
"How tough?" Eleanor asked rhetorically, shooting it in the head.
The Merkobra dislodged the car behind before falling off, dead, the car exploding and taking Wedgewood with it.
"Whoa. Good thing we escaped before that happened." Laura said.
"Wait, was there someone in that car?" Kanade asked before they saw something red leap from the explosion. Standing before them now was a man in a red uniform with a black mask and red scarf.
"That hair… you're the guy who helped us. What in Oum's name happened to you?" Roman asked.
"I'm the special combat agent, CENTINELS Planetary Secret Service, Blossom City Field Office. Will Wedgewood AKA, Wonder… Red!" he heroically announced.
"The Crimson Fist! He's one of the Wonderful 100." Drakus said in amazement.
"That's right. Sorry you had to worry about me, but I was able to survive by transforming myself just before the ship hit." Red said.
"Who cares about that? I can't believe there's a new Red!" Drakus said in excitement.
"Wonderful… 100?" Mimi said.
"They're a hero organization in this sector of the omniverse." Drakus said.
"It's our job alone to defend Earth from the GEATHJERK federation. I would ask you to vacate the area, but seeing as how you handled yourselves in the face of danger, I need you to assist me. I'm deputizing all of you until the crisis is averted." Red said.
"Oh my gosh, that just happened! This is officially the best day ever!" Kanade said.
"Now, the warp drive should be at the front! That's where it always is in shit like this. Just keep going!" Kenny explained.
BGM: PSYCHO (AViVA)
Just then, a blonde girl with sharp teeth wielding a bloodied shovel, Aryn Draculon, along with a pale girl and a tan guy, Arem and Sudni, a robotic shark monster, Hammerhead, a horrific version of Pooh, Pooh, a girl with pink hair wearing a a black business outfit, Maki Shugakira, a girl with cyan hair and a red spiral on her cheek, Sam Zelnick, a purple crocodile with a hat with a Christmas motif, Crocrampus, and a wolf like robot, Wild jumped down from the ceiling along with a powerful, heavyset monster standing atop a rooftop. The creature seemed to be a rock monster composed of numerous meteorites bound together by space-age cables which snaked around its limbs and thick, stony torso to converge on a square unit with several blinking lights and dials that would look right at home on a spacesuit. Gauntlets resembling mechanical graspers served as hands, with feet made of rocket engines. Its head was a lumpy, irregular mass of stone that looked as if it had been welded together from fragments of different busts, giving it a misshapen, almost grotesque visage.
"I see you are new to heroics," Aryn said. "Hello, my colorful friends! I'm Aryn Draculon, villain extraordinaire! And yes. I know exactly who you are... And exactly why you're here."
"Enough of your chit chat!" Drakus interrupted. "What do you want with this world?!"
A confident smirk grew on Wild's face. "Merely getting Miss Kiko the Neo-Lupin Item on this planet. It is not as if they bear any true opposition to us." Wild said.
"I'm no idiot, you know. I have been expecting your arrival ever since I saw that portal." Aryn stated. "See, I think it's time for you to fork yourselves over... either of your own fruition, or with a bit of... persuasion."
"That bitch is Aryn Draculon! One of Kiko's top goons!" Kenny explained.
"I'm gonna guess that the rest are Sam Zelnick, Wild, Arem, Sudni, Maki Shugakira, Pooh and Hammerhead." Drakus said nonchalantly.
Aryn Draculon - Vladat serial killer.
Wild - Wolf robot gone rogue
Arem and Sudni - Maniacal Glass and Barrier duo
Sam Zelnick - Jigsaw's adopted daughter, has a love for games.
Maki Shugakira - deranged maniac, jokester, candy addict
Pooh - misanthrope, very creepy bear, loves honey
Hammerhead - Mechanical Shark monstrosity
Asteroibotchi - soldier, his species are the ancestor to Daidarabotchi, gives great hugs.
"Since you lot have ignored my warnings. And by that I mean my blatant threats! I can only assume that the one way to truly get you to stand down is to beat all of you into the dirt." Aryn snarled.
"You wanna destroy Blossom City, Aryn?" Red asked. "Then you gotta-"
The sound of an electric crackle interrupted her threat.
"All right! If you're still determined to stop us...I'll have to take you out...with a pair of cold...dead...HANDS!!" Aryn said, her shovel turned into a shotgun crackling with thunder.
"What about those meteorites?!" Drakus asked.
"Wait! There is no need to fear!" Asteroibotchi cried, raising his arms. The lights on his chest unit flashed, and more meteorites rained down from the sky. "My meteors are nonlethal, anyone who is caught up in the impact of one won't be killed, but transported back to our ship, where they will be educated in how to serve our glorious mistress and make the best of their new lives as our minions! Said process won't involve any torture or brainwashing, and plenty of refreshments and cuddles will be provided!"
Drakus blinked. "I stand corrected."
"Wait, but those meteors are striking buildings as well," Kanade pointed out. "Surely they aren't teleporting everyone out of those as well. Lots of people would be injured from structural damage caused by the impact!"
"And don't worry about anyone trapped in buildings, my meteors instantly warp anyone caught inside of one safely away!" Asteroibotchi added.
Kanade blinked. "I stand corrected."
Asteroibotchi frowned, looking displeased at something, then turned to address Aryn. "Boss, that doesn't seem to have calmed them down at all. If anything, they're trying even harder not to get hit by my meteors. Am I doing something wrong?"
Aryn shook her head. "No, you're doing everything perfectly. I don't understand it, either. People always are afraid of us whenever we first touchdown, for some reason. Don't worry, once they've been properly educated they'll thank you for enslaving them, they usually do."
Asteroibotchi sighed in relief. "Oh, that's good to hear, Miss Drac. You know how self-conscious I get."
Aryn put a reassuring hand on the rock monster's shoulder. "I've told you before, pal. You may not be the handsomest creature around, but you've got a heart of gold. Literally."
"I'm so hard, though," Asteroibotchi lamented. "Not fluffy like our mistress. I'm not very high on the list of Deadlight generals people like to cuddle."
"No, but you are very warm, and always give great hugs," Aryn said, spreading her arms wide. "Come on, bring it in."
Grateful, the rock monster hugged the vampire so hard his body cracked a little. "Thanks, Boss. You always know just what to say."
"It's what I'm here for," Aryn assured him, hugging him back.
The squad stared blankly.
"Do," Kanade said slowly. "Do we have to fight them?"
"They are trying to take over the world," Hibiki reminded her, though her heart didn't seem in it.
"But they're so wholesome!" Kanade protested.
"I'd fight them," Drakus said slowly. "But I would feel pretty terrible about it afterwards."
The others nodded in agreement.
Red sighed. "They certainly are not like the villains of the past. They were cruel, capricious, and certainly wouldn't reassure their victims or take time out of terrorizing people to hug one another."
"What could possibly have caused them to be different?" Zap wondered.
"They genuinely seem to have no idea that their actions could be perceived as evil," the bewildered hero commented. "They are either in deep denial, or just that oblivious."
END BGM
Drakus clenched his teeth and glared at Aryn.
"Do not mourn your loss." Pooh said. "You were never going to win, thus there is nothing to mourn."
Drakus was surprised to see, out of nowhere, a masked, ninja-like person appeared armed with two chisa katanas. The ninja charges at Aryn, knocking the shovel out of her hands and saving him.
"Honestly, Aryn, you need to stop rushing in like that, you're embarrassing yourself." Sam said as she launched a reverse bear trap across the floor at the heroes, who were about to dodge, but before they could, the ninja made a Chinese Dragon made entirely out of purple flames fly in front of them and melt the trap. "Oh what now?!" Sam said in frustration as she watched the Chinese Dragon fly into a lighter the ninja had.
Another airship came into view and fired a laser, detaching the next car by force. "Great. How are we supposed to catch up now?" Sheshe said as a car rolled up next to them.
"Get on!" the man on top said.
"Jump to a moving car? Is he serious?!" Roman said.
"Do you have any better ideas?" Cell said, leaping to the car with Wonder Red.
"Okay, now what?" Roman said.
"Now I do this!" the man said. "Wonder-Eyes, Blue!"
The man held up a red rose before throwing it into the air. He drew his sword and began swinging it around before changing into a blue uniform, similar to Wonder Red's. He tried to catch the rose, only to fail and chase after it.
The next thing the misfits knew, they were up in the air with dozens of other strange-looking people in masks with similar costumes. "If it isn't Elliot Hooker, Wonderful One from the Los Angeles field office, better known as...Wonder Blue!" Red introduced.
Elliot Hooker - Surfer dude, secretly Wonder Blue, casanova.
"You know his secret identity?" Cell said in shock.
"Our identities are shared with all us Wonderful Ones." Red explained.
"No time for explanations dude, Unite Morph already!" Blue said.
"Oh. Right. Unite...Hand!" Red shouted.
As if on command, the other wonderful ones interlocked in formation of a circle and began forming a giant red hand.
"That's the Unite Morph, the trademark move of the Wonderful Ones!" Drakus said in excitement.
"All of the enemies in GEATHJERK are too big for one hero to handle, so this is a countermeasure that is formed through the power of teamwork. The bigger the team, the bigger the morph." Red said. He then grabbed on to the bus and hefted the hand in the air no problem.
"Hey, noob. Can the chit chat! Or did you forget we're on a runaway bus?" Blue asked.
"Oh, sorry." Red said.
"Wait, you're a new member?" Kanade realized.
Then Maki got a good look at the ninja and Blue. "Wait a minute. It's you! You're that Ninja guy! And the Supersonic Sword, Wonder Blue, too! You'll regret crossing us, get them."
"Heh, I see my rep proceeds me." Blue said.
"How is his blade supersonic?" Roman asked in confusion.
"Lemme show you." Blue said as the car they were on before sped towards them. "Unite Sword!"
The group interlocked again and formed a straight line this time, slicing through the cars of the bus before they landed on top. "Dude! Feel the sting of my Valiantium Blade!" Blue said raising his sword.
"Glad to see they called you up, now it's time to stop this bus!" Red said.
"Don't think so, runts!" shouted Wild.
The ninja puts away his swords and throws smoke bombs to confuse the Fanglars. The ninja then throws shurikens and kunais at the Fanglars to bring them down and get closer to Aryn without her noticing. Once close enough, the ninja pulls out a long chain with a heavy ball on the end and spins it as an attempt to capture Kiko.
When the cloud cleared up, Wild grabbed the chain, spinning the ninja around and hitting him against Drakus. "Do you really take me for a fool!? Like I would fall for that trick!"
Just then, Aryn was blasted backwards by a blast of dark magic, crashing into Wild. Before Sam, Arem, Sudni and Hammerhead could react, they were hit by a sort of glaive and found themselves hurled into Aryn. The Ninja was back up.
"Fuck yeah! Now to break this bus! Sorry, no offense. I don't mean to upset you, but yes, the bus is doomed right now." Kenny explained.
"Thanks. Red, use your Unite Morph again, and I'll support you!" Drakus said.
"Not a good time." Red said pointing to the tracks up ahead as they were almost out.
"There's not enough time to stop this thing!" Blue said.
"Then we'll have to get it airborne." Red grinned. "Unite Build!"
The team dashed past Aryn, Wild, Hammerhead, Arem, Sudni, Sam, Maki, Pooh, Asteroibotchi and interlocked on the track, finishing it and forming a ramp. The bus moved up into the air.
"Oh! I'm not so good with heights." Hammerhead said holding on.
"Sucks to be you right now." Blue said.
"Agreed. Wonder Punch!" Red shouted as the large red hand was formed, punching away the bus and the octet. They teleported and the bus crashed into a ship and knocked it all into the sea. The team landed safely in front of the school as the bus exploded behind them, forming a rainbow.
"That...was cool." Kanade said, breathing heavily. The kids then rushed up to them.
"Hey! The Wonderful 100! Can I have your autograph?" a kid said.
"Pfft. Why would you want those liars autographs?" came another voice. The group turned to the right to see a young child with goggles.
"Do they think they're protecting the earth? How can they save it without protecting one person? We're better off without em'! The OVDF is much better, because they at least own up to the fact they can't save everyone!" he said before running off.
"Luka." Red said watching the kid run off.
"So, where's the Virgin Victory? I have something to tell your commander." Drakus asked.
"It's already here." Red said as a huge airship came flying over the school.
"Now that… is one big airship." Cell said. The team then was teleported onto the bridge.
The heroes were wandering into the airship with Drakus carrying the ninja, and plopped the warp drive next to him.
Then, the ninja starts to gain consciousness and hears people saying, "Is he alright? Is it a good idea to bring him here? I wonder who he is under that mask. Should I look? No wait! He's waking up!"
"Hey!" Kanade said, "You're alive! Now we won't have to worry about necromancy."
"Where am I?" asked the ninja.
"You're in the Virgin Victory, sir. My name is Eleanor." said Eleanor.
"I'm Drakus Hydrax, that's Julie Hinikawa, Zap, Neo Politan, Asami Uehara, Roman Torchwick, Hibiki Otonokoji, Kanade Otonokoji, Louise De La Vallière, Celestia Ludenberg, Muty, Harry, David, Robin, Laura Bodewig, Linda aka Underling, Mine, Lark Cyclonis, Sapphire Ink, Montgomery Gator, Aria Grundel, Jasmine Queenston, Malcho, Bangray, Jeeves Weevil, Mimi, Sheshe, Lila Rossi, Namue, Kenny, Cell, Kermit, Wonder-Red and Wonder-Blue." Drakus explained.
"I don't believe it. I'm actually here, with an alien gun!" the ninja pondered in amazement.
"Aren't you gonna tell us your name?" Nikei asked, weirded out.
"I would love to, but unfortunately, that's classified." said the ninja. "However, you can refer to me as Ninja, if you'd like."
Brandon Tran - certified government ninja, knows a lot about the natural world, plays violin
"Cool! So you are an actual ninja!" Kanade yelled excitedly, "Oh, can you show me some of your cool moves like 'Hiya' or 'Hoowa'?"
"Classified information?" Roman wondered. "Welp, time to start trying to pry for info."
All of the sudden, the ship receives an incoming transmission.
Eleanor checks it out. "It's an incoming call from an unknown location by an unknown person, but who could this be?"
Suddenly, a jackal man dressed as a street thug, Anubis, appears on the screen.
"Is Brandon Tran here?" Anubis asked.
Anubis - God of Death, tries to look cool, but looks ridiculous instead.
"And who's this?" asked Roman.
"I got this." Brandon pushed Eleanor aside.
"Ah, so this is an odd choice for the X-Squad. But, this is more impressive than I can imagine, you even have known villains in it." said the jackal man.
"Wait, you talked about us?" Kanade asked in shock. "If this is about the murders, how did you find out?"
"Mr. Anubis, permission to explain and also to bring them to our headquarters?" Ninja asked Anubis.
"Permission granted, and here's the coordinates so the driver knows where to go when you're ready." said Anubis.
Anubis hangs up and Ninja begins to speak to the team.
"Okay, with that settled, I'm an agent of the OmniVerse Defense Force at an infamous place. You must've heard of Area 51?"
"Wait, The Area 51?" Kanade asked, "That place is secretive! You actually work there?"
"Yes, I am part of a project dubbed Project X, also known as Mission Creature Rescue, or MCR for short." Ninja explained.
"Project X I can get behind, but Mission Creature Rescue? Sounds like you are a real fan of Wild Kratts." Jasmine said.
"Yup, it's all inspired by those guys." Ninja explained, "Just like them, we save and protect natural habitats, wildlife, the omniverse, and the balance of nature from bad guys, including some of Deadlight."
"Wait a second, there are more bad guys than just those weirdos?"
"That's most impressive. But why go through all the trouble of recommending a team?" Drakus asked.
"You see, I'm the only active member who literally goes out there saving lives. The rest are scientists who locate villains and signs of negativity for me to investigate as well as build inventions. You guys have already proved yourselves by taking on eight of our intended targets. But, more villains are starting to join Deadlight, that terrorist group they work for, and they will become too much for even either of us to handle. So what do you say, guys. Are you in?"
The misfits turn towards one another and nod.
"Son of a bitch, we're in." Drakus said.
"Domo arigato," said Ninja.
"So, when do we start?" Roman asked.
"Unfortunately, my plan to bring you guys in still has to be accepted by Anubis. Only he can determine if you can join us."
"I hope he knows what he's doing." Came a voice. A man stood in a command chair high above the team, his face masked by his hat. "Nelson?" Brandon asked smiling. "Ah, there's a face I haven't seen in years. You came about to my knee the last time I saw you." he said.
"You know the Commander?" Red asked.
"I came to this town ten years ago actually." Brandon smiled.
"Indeed. He challenged us to a fight and surprisingly held out and won." Nelson said.
"Whoa, now that's tough." said Asami.
"I heard about the Wonderful 100 being challenged and beaten by a ninja, I never expected to see him before me. It's an honor to be fighting alongside you, Brandon Tran."
"Alongside? What do you mean?" Roman asked.
Just then, another transmission came in, and Kiko was on it.
"Hello, people on Earth. My name is Kiko Desmond-Winterfoot, leader of Deadlight, daughter of Donovan Desmond. Your world has something I want, the Cause de Décès, capable of controlling a world's genetic makeup with just a whim. And I always get what I want, no matter the cost. And do not fret, I promise you that we mean you no harm."
Everyone sighed in relief at this.
"I only seek to enslave your world and add it to my collection, and give you my personal guarantee it will be as smooth and painless a transition as possible, and I will do my best to minimize casualties on either side." She smiled kindly under her mask. "Be not afraid, for soon, poverty, sickness, war, and hunger will be a thing of the past, and universal peace and tranquility shall be yours, under my rule!"
The transmission switched off, leaving the X-Squad very confused.
"That's my cue to begin the briefing, I suppose." Nelson said. "After 10 years of silence, GEATHJERK is back and Deadlight is coming along to bring the storm, and they've kicked down the door to an all out war. Now they're bent on total world destruction or domination, and I'll die before they accomplish that."
"GEATHJERK…. I've heard of them." Brandon said. "One of the most intimidating armies in this part of the omniverse."
"Indeed. Our comrades at the GDA have already activated the planetary defense system, Margarita, a planetary shield capable of holding back the fleet. Unfortunately, a large amount of forces blitzed our planet before it could be activated, and now, our world is being turned into a cocktail of destruction." Nelson said. " The attack on Blossom City is a preemptive strike. Therefore, throughout the crisis, I'm naming Wonder Red leader of the Wonderful Ones."
"Nelson, you gotta be joking! The guy's only been on the team for a solid month!" Blue said.
"Sir, I'm not sure if I could…"
"Accept the position without question." Nelson said. "Out of all the members here, you are the one with the most tactical prowess."
"Y-yes commander." Red said with confidence.
"So, it's a race against time...We must save Earth before Kiko steals that possible deadly weapon." Drakus realized.
"With the fate of the world hanging in the balance." Zap said.
"We're just like the heroes in a real-life fairy tale!" Julie said.
"More than just heroes, we're like superheroes!" Eleanor said.
"You've got superheroes on the brain, don't ya?" Roman snarked.
"Agreed. We have a crisis to avert first. Now, there's been an attack reported near the outskirts of Blossom City. We need heroes there now." Nelson said. "For this reason, I'm authorizing a united force with the X-Squad."
Drakus then smiled. "Now that's a hero team name."
"You want us to help?" Lila asked.
"Of course. You all have braved countless battles and whether or not you won, you kept on going. That and the fact Brandon beat all of us back at a young age. You are more than qualified."
"So, we all going, or are you sending us individually?" Roman asked.
"All at once. It's the motto of the Wonderful 100." Nelson said.
Alarms suddenly blared. "We're being targeted by anti-air fire. I can get us out of range, but you will need to find the target and take it out." said a girl.
"Roger, team, fall in!" Red said. The Team replied.
"Okay, now, time for the X-Squad to roll out and save the world from an ice princess!" Drakus said.
Meanwhile, in a spaceship that resembled a massive high-tech mansion surrounded by sakura blossom trees ensconced in a giant crystal ball, the swirling petals helped make it look like a gigantic snow globe. The castle was nestled at the point where eight colossal cybernetic serpents with silver scales and armor plating coiled their tails together, each of the serpents wearing a Kabuto helmet in a different color, hissing and glaring down imposingly at the surrounding countryside, Kiko, Aryn, Wild, Arem, Sudni, Sam, Maki, Pooh, Hammerhead and Crocrampus were at a table staring at a horde of villains and monsters. Standing between Aryn and Kiko was a girl in a white sailor uniform, Opal D. Teach aka Empress, a black and white dragon-like creature, Saimin, a young girl that looked like Cyclonis but with a black jacket with purple flames, a red shirt, black top hat, black pants and purple shoes, Falcon Typhoonis, a pink skinned girl wearing a black cloak, Zoe Pinkstar, a possum wearing a blue dress suit and black shoes, Doctor O, a copy of Linda with a white mouse jacket, Lixdan and Ohclam.
Saimin - Hypnotic Madman
Lixdan - Corrupted Caricature
Doctor O - Nocturnal Crook
Zoey Marrow - Skeletal Freeshooter
Empress - Marshal D. Teach's kid, just as maniacal
Falcon Typhoonis - Stormy Maniac
Kiko frowned in dismay, watching the panicking humans on the immense mirror set in a gilded frame carved to resemble dozens of many-tailed dragons which served as her viewing screen. "I don't think those are screams of joy."
"It is unlikely, Boss," Opal said in apology, a purple cutlass slung over one shoulder.
"How could you let this happen, Kiko?!"
Kiko frowned at the figure displayed on the screen at the far end of her dining room, Supreme Overlord Jergingha, leader of GEATHJERK spoke. Kiko found this title deeply amusing, especially given that she knew the man's real appearance. "I didn't 'let' anything happen, bruh. Whatever antics my homies get up to are beyond my control."
"They're your minions!"
Kiko shrugged. "And that automatically means I'm responsible for their shit? My organization is da bomb crime gang in the Omniverse, but that doesn't mean every twisted fuck answers to me, no more than everyone in your world answers to you."
"But the OVDF's have been a thorn in your side as well! Why haven't you dealt with them already?"
"Because what they're planning to make is hella nuts." Kiko said plainly. "And it'll be pretty much impossible to predict what people like that will do. Heck, you'd also need to be hella nuts to do that, but no bad guy can exactly trust us like that to take care of it, and you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because we're hella nuts!"
"Boss," Kiko's loyal hitman Chaz Thurman, brought back from the dead due to a combination of necromancy and mad science, spoke up. "What about-"
The mad scientist Professor Proton laughed. "Do you really want to go asking Anne for help? How do you think that'll turn out, hmm?"
Chaz grimaced. "Fair enough."
"Who's Anne?" Jergingha asked.
"No bitch you want to deal with, trust, I only let her 'play' when she's most needed," Kiko said dismissively. "Now, tell me why this is any of my concern again?"
Jergingha spluttered in disbelief. "Are you serious?! The GDA's going to ruin everything for me! If that happens-"
Kiko shrugged. "Eh, our money might take a bit of a hit, but it's not like you're our only source of money. You need us a lot more than we need you, bruh."
"What I want to know is why these Wonderful One weirdos even existed in the first place if you come from the future and the tablet has Intel on how to make a Wonder Mask on your own," Zoey growled, glaring menacingly at the brain. "And why the way to copy the mask wasn't entrusted to someone a bit higher up the ladder, with more security to keep it from getting stolen."
"I needed the leverage in case any of my associates tried to turn on me," Jergingha said defensively. "Which is why I couldn't leave it in the hands of anyone who knew too much, because they might be tempted to use it against me. The guy I gave it to didn't even know what it really was, so I figured it would be safe with him."
"Clearly, you were wrong," Dr. O drawled in amusement.
"Again, why must we help?" Kiko asked, drumming her fingers on the table in boredom. "So what if 5-0 manage to pin a few more crimes on us? Big whoop. It's not like the shit on that tablet will lead them to any of our major shops or agents on Earth or tell them how to get to my house."
"And don't worry, our new associates are gonna arrive." Then, Saimin flipped a switch, electricity pumping into a pile of comics, lighting up the room with a blood red hue.
Just then, a tall, menacing looking alien appeared from the comics that looked like a mix between an Iguanodon, a crocodile, and a wolverine with red eyes. He was wearing black and gold armor with a matching helmet, and there were seven different colored gemstones on the collar piece of his armor (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet). He stood before the villains with an imposing presence, it was Darkanos. And with him was a big muscular bear with glowing red eyes and a goatee, wearing red armor and a horned grey helmet on his head, who happens to be Darkanos' top military leader, Rosozon. On Rozoson's left was the commander of the Paraxis, the foot soldiers of Darkanos' army, Grunemitt, a green, insectoid dog with big, green insect eyes, yellow antennae, and a dark green carapace covered in jewels. On Rozoson's right was Darkanos' chief enforcer, Orvomon, a large, orange boar wearing a chest strap with a skull on it, spiked bracelets, and a furry loincloth, and was very gluttonous. Next to Grunemitt was Blaludon, a sexy-looking cow with blue hair and blue make-up wearing a dark blue dress with a black neckpiece on it, who wants to make someone, whether male, female or any gender under the rainbow, her own. Next to Orvomon was the jailer for Darkanos' dungeon, Infafre, a ram with a hunched-over posture wearing a light blue cloak, who is the most loyal minion to him. Next to Blaludon was another of Darkanos' most trusted warriors, Vistosam, a horse with a fancy-looking mustache and goatee, wearing a purple lacey outfit similar to what was worn in William Shakespeare's time, complete with a frilly neckpiece. Finally, next to Infafre, was another of Darkanos' most trusted warriors, Gelgieden, a female frog wearing yellow armor encrusted with jewels, and has a hankering for valuable gemstones as well.
Darkanos - Ruler of Styx, someone you shouldn't mess with.
Blaludon - Lustful Cow
Rozoson - Wrathful Bear
Orvomon - Gluttonous Boar
Grunemitt - Envious Dog
Infafre - Slothful Sheep
Vistosam - Prideful Horse, knows Shakespeare
Gelgieden - Greedy Frog
"I can't believe it! We're finally free from the comics again!" Blaludon said.
"Welcome, my new bruhs, to Deadlight." Kiko said, showing them the palace.
"Whoa. This seems very nice." Orvomon said.
"Such a lovely sight. Although, it could use the extravagant presence of my beauty." Vistosam said, holding up a mirror to admire his good looks.
Rozoson then grabbed the mirror, and smashed it on the floor. "KNOCK IT OFF WITH YOUR PRIDEFUL NATURE, VISTOSAM! This girl has freed us from the comics for a reason! And, it would be best to hear what she wants us to do!"
"Sheesh. Take a chill pill." Vistosam said, rolling his eyes.
"Enough admiration. Let's talk business. I've always thought ruling the 2-D world was starting to get stale. Now that we're free again from the hand-drawn prison, it's time to retry conquering the 3-D world, and make the people of this world bow before us." Darkanos said.
"So, it's basically doing the same stuff we did in the comics, but in the real world again?" Gelgieden reiterated.
"Pretty much." Darkanos said, flustered. "So, I believe the best way to start would be to give the people of this world a taste of what we can do."
"That sounds brilliant, darling." Blaludon said, approaching Kiko in a sexy manner. "Then, later we can have a little... quality time together."
Kiko then pushed her aside, Aryn noticing that Kiko's face was lightly dusted blue as she looked at her. "Girl, tell me you aren't crushing on her right now." Aryn said in disbelief at her friend's actions, with a smug smile on her face. "Hey, for a cow, she's pretty hot, but I'm still faithful to Zoey, Falcon and Mistilteinn! She might be a consort." Kiko sniped. "Rozoson, go send the Shadow Hunters along with some Fangs to the outskirts. Zelnick, you send Mark and Phil to capture some of the wildlife, plannin' to make some of them addicted to green, tell the Paraxis to assist them." Kiko stated.
"As you command!" Rosozon stated, bowing.
"Sure thing." Zelnick stated, bowing slightly.
"Everyone else, including me, will stay behind and hold the fort until they get back, and Infafre, since you have no fighting experience, resume your duties as jailer to all the monsters in my dungeon. Oh, and keep an eye on Blaludon as well. We don't want Kiko to be getting STDs." Darkanos stated.
"Of course, master." Infafre said, bowing to him as well. "I'll make sure the monsters don't try to escape and see to it that Blaludon doesn't go near Kiko for private time."
"Besides, I have no need for romance or sex. Such a thing does not interest me." Ohclam clarified.
"I may have just the thing. Tell me, what would you say is the natural opp of a ninja?" Kiko asked.
"Other ninjas?" Lixdan suggested.
"Samurai?" Saimin offered.
"Modern media and pop culture bastardizing the concept of what it means to be a ninja and horribly distorting it beyond all recognition?" Chaz said.
"All great answers, but no," Kiko replied, opening her hand and fanning out several spell cards reminiscent of those used by Jinxer. "The answer I was thinking of… Was pirates."
With a flick of the wrist, she flung the cards into the roaring fireplace on the wall, causing the flames to erupt into a roaring conflagration, the fire turning an eerie blue as howling spirits flew from the fire and started flying around the room, screaming like the damned, which they were.
Falcon sighed in frustration and mopped her forehead with a handkerchief.. "I always hate when she does this. It gets so hot in here, and can't those damned souls turn it down a little?"
Several dark figures formed in the midst of the flames, growing larger and more defined as the fire continued to burn, the flames subsiding behind them.
Chaz blinked and cocked his head. "Am I the only one hearing someone singing 'Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life for Me?)'"
"No, I hear it too," Zoey assured him.
Then, Six-hundred and sixty-six crimson robed figures waltzed into the room, the army of villains and monsters huddling to stand besides their master. These unseen, unnamed figures sat in great numbers, motionless, speechless, giving no hints as to their true identities. Then Aryn rose to address the crowd.
"Brothers and sisters." said Aryn, "For hundreds of years, you, the six-hundred and sixty-six Azure Knights have been working in eager preparation for the return of Exodus. I tell you now, their resurrection is nigh!"
A robed figure raised his hand. "Excuse me, Mrs. High Priestess, madam? Why are we called the Azure Knights if we dress in red?"
Aryn sighed and facepalmed. 3 years of these meetings, and every time there has to be some schmuck who asks about that. "Look, I'm in the middle of a big speech. Is the color of our robes such a big deal that we can't wait until AFTER she's done?"
The inquisitive figure slowly lowered his hand.
"Thank you…" Aryn muttered some curses under her breath. "You have no doubt seen the 'Endgame' symbols above worlds across the Omniverse, have you not? Soon these towns and cities will be in complete chaos! After years of planning, we have finally brought about our ultimate goal: the conquest of the Omniverse!"
The faceless masses began to cheer loudly. She had them right where she wanted them.
Aryn basked in the applause for a minute before Kiko started her monologue, "Time I told you my story."
Kiko brought her hands down hard where it had been, giving a wordless scream. She had hoped her father would win, but that TANJIRO ruined everything for them, all over some grudge.
Though she was alone, still she vowed that she would not cry, as much as her body was demanding her to. Until finally, she did.
"We were destined for glory, why? Why did they defy us?!" she whimpered.
Kiko growled in anger, as suddenly ice froze over the cuffs holding her, letting her break them. Now this, she could work with.
Kiko stood, brushing off her now badly torn uniform, dark energy turning into her current outfit. "Well then, let's get on with the party." She said with a smirk.
Kiko froze the cell door, then walked out, head held high. As far as she was concerned, she's gonna do so much better.
"And that's how I got here." Kiko said, Zoey standing beside her.
The crowd stared at the girl, dumbstruck, with puzzled looks on their faces.
"Now came the awkward part." Kiko cleared her throat, and asked; "So… questions?"
All six hundred and sixty six hands in the crowd went up simultaneously.
"Questions that aren't about the robes?"
Six hundred and sixty four hands went down.
"Yes, you: in the back."
A rather tall man stood up and spoke. "Yes, I was just wondering: why are you wanting to rule the omniverse."
Zoey then facepalmed, waited a few seconds before regaining her composure. "Ok, skip that, next question: You, with the monocle."
A British gentleman uncovered his face, and stood up. "Yes, I can understand this conquest thing, jolly good stuff that is, but where's this bloomin' Exodus we've been waiting for?"
A grin spread Wild's face. "I'm glad you asked that…" he said, pushing out a storage box. "Exodus is what's called a Starklitch, a spirit of evil in the purest form. But as strong as they are, they were intelligent, and knew they would be wiped, so Exodus figured out a way to be freed. If his vessel, the Armageddon Box, has a pure-hearted wielder put inside it, his life force will be transferred into that person and be freed, killing the holder, but freeing his from their prison!" He now unbolted the box, and threw it open.
"And now, I present to you his key to revival: THE ARMAGEDDON BOX!"
But despite this grand show, inside the case was merely a coffin with the picture of a demonic face.
The crowd began to murmur to itself.
"That's It?"
"It looked bigger in the tapestry..."
"What can it do?"
"OH SHUT UP!" Zelnick turned red in the face, "They eat souls, remember? They're stuck like this because they haven't had a meal in 500 years!"
Falcon held it up for all to see. "But he'll get stronger… mark my words…" She pushed her chair aside and walked to the throne he was sitting next to, where a young boy was tied up with a gag placed around his mouth.
"So… Ash Ketchum…" Ohclam chuckled as he uncovered the young trainer's mouth, "How does it feel to be chosen as the sacrifice for the return of Exodus after over 5,000 years?"
"You'll never get away with this!" Ash shouted at the top of his lungs, "My friends know I'm gone, and when they find you, you'd better be sorry!"
Kiko laughed at Ash's naivety. "Even if your 'friends' did pose a significant threat to us, I took great pains to alleviate this."
"That's impossible!" said Ash.
"Um… Ash? Are you feeling all right?" asked Dawn.
Kiko, wearing a copy of Ash's hat and a black vest and pants with a green shirt and blue sneakers, nervously laughed, "Nonsense, Dawn! I'm fine, and I'm looking forward to another day of excitement, adventure, and…" She looked at something written on her hand, "The Power of Friendship."
She then elbowed Falcon, dressed as a Pikachu, in the gut. "Pika, Pika." Falcon said, displeased as to how they're hiding the fact they kidnapped Ash.
"Are you sure?" asked Brock, "Call me paranoid, but you just don't seem like yourself lately."
Kiko shook her head, "Nope, all I need is a visit to the…" she looked at her hand again, "Pokemon Center."
Brock shrugged, "I guess it's just me, then." He said.
"Okay, fuck this." Falcon said, stomping on the ground, destroying Dawn and Brock in a shockwave of black energy.
"Your friends were very easy to fool." said Kiko. "Let me show you how:" She held up a mask that vaguely resembled Professor Oak's face. "Behold, Professor Oak!"
"Professor!" Ash squealed with glee, "Thank god you're here! Some crazy people tied me up and wanted me to get into an evil coffin for them! Good thing you told me not to do requests from strangers!"
Falcon's hand met her face. She knew the kid was dumb, but now she's sure Ash might not even have a brain. "Um… right." Kiko said. "I'll help get you out of here." She untied Ash's right hand. "But first, can you get into that coffin for me?"
"Okay," said Ash. Being the idiot that he was, he went into the Armageddon Box without question as Falcon shut the door, "But I can't see why. I mean, don't you-?"
Suddenly, the coffin was engulfed in a blue pillar of energy. Ash screamed loudly as the power of Exodus began to destroy the trainer's body and soul.
One of the cultists began to sweat. "I'm feeling a little faint. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" He then collapsed in what appeared to be a seizure, sharing Ash's screams of unimaginable pain. I would write down his last words, except they weren't words so much as the primal scream that every creature can recognize on its most basic level.
The audience stood in horror as the wispy figure of the man's soul was pulled out of his body, and drained into the pillar.
The six-hundred and sixty five knights turned to the army of monsters and villains, expecting an answer.
"Oh yeah…" Opal grinned, "I forgot to tell you. Since they've been stuck in that coffin for so long, Exodus requires a great number of fresh souls to restore his power. I'm afraid that this is where we part ways…"
As the knights fell, one by one, a lone cloak gasped with his dying breath "W-why? I thought we were…"
Wild frowned at this. "It's the same story everywhere Madam Kiko went! When we start to invade a planet, some local politician or ruler tries to save their own skin by selling out their subjects or trying to buy us off because they think they can somehow convince her to spare them the same fate as the rest of their planet and allow them to continue living the cushy lives they've built for themselves by exploiting the people beneath them! I will tell you the same thing she told all of them, we will not show preferential treatment or favoritism just because you are in a position of power, you shall be treated just like everyone else, it's only fair, after all. Also, Exodus isn't real, we just needed some fuel."
The remainder of the "knights" were now dropping off like flies under the demonic energy. Those who tried to escape were only met with disappointment when they discovered that the doors had been sealed.
After the storm had passed, all that remained of the false order was a single man. The man crawled up to Sudni's legs, and grabbed him by the ankles. "s-so you mean… " the disillusioned cloak moaned, "…the reason …we all wore red cloaks instead of blue, is b-because w-we're all re… red…"
"Redshirts." Sudni said calmly, with a smile. "An honorable way to go."
The man wore a look of pure bamboozlement on his face before finally dying.
"Mortals are so very weird…" Aryn said, rolling her eyes.
"Now, time to show this world what we're capable of!" Kiko said with vigor, as an alien with a drill on his head rushed off to his destination. "And let me introduce you to some of the most notorious pirate ogs in the universe!" Kiko declared. "Killian Jones!"
"Well then it seems I've the devil's luck!" Bragged a handsome man with dark hair, black leather clothing, and a hook for a hand.
"Los Dark!"
"Hell is… Hell is calling for me," rasped a skull faced zombie in tattered clothes and armor resembling a sailor, wielding a jagged cutlass.
"Basco ta Jolokia!"
"In order to gain something, you must give something up!" Laughed a handsome seemingly human man flamboyantly dressed in a red coat with white fur trim and a floppy wide brimmed hat.
"Badley!"
An armored figure with a pale monstrous face, a metallic pirate hat, red roses on his shoulder armor, and a death's head on his back slung a hooked sword over his shoulder. "Who do I get to kill today?"
"And Lady Caine!"
A girl walked into the room, chuckling. She was clothed in gray pants and a beige-and-gray tank top with sleeves short enough to show off the rose-and-skull tattoo that practically shone against the skin of her upper right arm, pale from the cold. A silver skull pendant lay against the slender woman's neck.
"Wait, hang on, two of them don't quite fit in with the others," a confused Chaz pointed out.
Caine sighed. "Okay, fine, I admit it, I never actually was in space, neither was Hook, but I am a pirate, honest, just ask the Navy-"
"Not you, the hook boy," Chaz interrupted.
Kiko frowned. "Come now, boss, there's no reason humans can't be space pirates too, they may not be a big portion of the overall space pirate population. But you'd be surprised how many human space pirates there are."
"That's not what I meant." Chaz protested. "He redeemed!"
"Aye love, that I did," Killian answered. "Worst decision of my life. Now, I'm going to finally get what I've always wanted: to skin my Crocodile."
"Oh yeah, that's right," Professor Proton realized. "Why did you summon this guy, Kiko?"
"I may or may not have sicked Chernabog on the lovesick dumbass he was before, and made a dark revenant of him. No cap." Kiko explained.
"That's it? That counts?!" Chaz asked incredulously.
Kiko shrugged. "Apparently."
"You couldn't just summon Arslevan or Wreckmate?" Zoey asked in disbelief. "They at least look like pirates."
"Arslevan didn't do enough to gain the clout to be in the running, and Wreckmate is currently part of Dr Sly's Magical Mushroom Circus," Kiko explained.
Chaz blinked. "Didn't he die?"
"He got better."
"Are the gates of hell a revolving door?" Chaz muttered. "What did Caine do?"
"Attempted regicide," Lady Caine said casually. "Which isn't even fair, since all I said I was gonna do was lock Freddie up. Not actually KILL him."
"Were you going to kill him?"
"After what he did to me? Of course I was."
Kiko nodded. "From what little I know, he sounds like a jackass."
"From what little you know…?"
"What, Mom of the Year?" Kiko replied. "Technically, her name's 'Gothel.' She WAS a local. She thought she was some kind of big deal around Corona because she was the one behind that whole 'lost princess' bullshit. Anyway, we – "
"SHE WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK THE LOST PRINCESS?" Lady Caine roared, simultaneously surprised and enraged.
"Is…that a problem with you?" Chaz asked.
"YES," Lady Caine seethed. "Eighteen years ago, when Punzie went missing, Freddie cracked down on any and all crime in hopes of locking up the perp. My family was poor. I was a little girl, and I was hungry. My father stole so we could survive each night. FREDDIE took him away from us on account of his little rich-girl daughter was missing and gave him a rich-man problem. I might have SOME sympathy for the man if that hadn't been the last I'd ever seen of my father. But no. At least they had the 'decency' to dispatch a messenger to our house to let me know when he died in his cell. From that day forward, I devoted my entire LIFE to dominating the criminal underground of Corona, building it up from the ashes Freddie left, rounding up the few he hadn't managed to lock away in his death trap. Hence the attempted regicide. Turnabout is fair play, isn't it? But now you've added another piece to the puzzle. This entire incident wouldn't have happened if SHE hadn't decided to adopt herself a kid! My father died for what SHE did wrong!"
"Tea, Your Cold Excellence?"
Kiko glanced at a slave who had approached, carrying a tray with a steaming ceremonial teapot and a few cups. "Oh, yeah, that's the shit. Thank you."
The slave nodded and started pouring into one of the cups…
Only for her to misjudge the angle, and she accidentally spilled some tea onto Kiko's shirt.
Instantly, the entire throne room stilled, and everyone stared at her in shock. Kiko blinked in disbelief, as if astonished that something like this could happen to her. Horrified, the slave quickly – but carefully, she didn't want to break anything or get more tea everywhere – set down the tray and prostrated herself before the girl. "Your Cold Excellence! I-I'm so sorry, please forgive this worthless wretch-"
"It's aight."
The slave blinked and would've looked up in surprise if she hadn't caught herself at the last minute. "Your Cold Excellence?"
"It's aight," Kiko assured her, snapping her fingers and causing the stain that had marred her shirt to immediately vanish. "See? No harm done. It was only a little tea."
"But… Still, I should have-" the slave stammered.
"Your name is Sanoka, right?" Kiko interrupted.
The slave did glance up at this. "I… yes. You know my name?"
"Yep," Kiko said, smiling. "Now, if I remember right, this is your first time up here, right? You usually tend the gardens?"
Sanoka nodded. "That is correct, Your Cold Excellence. However, your usual tea attendant is pregnant, and… Well, I've always wanted to see you in the flesh, so I volunteered…"
"And got a little overwhelmed," Kiko said, nodding in understanding. "It's all right. I suppose all this," she said, gesturing to the throne room. "Can be a little intimidating to someone not used to it. These things happen."
"I promise, I won't do it again!" Sanoka insisted, putting her back down.
"If you do, it's not that big of a deal," Kiko assured her. "Mistakes happen. I don't demand perfection, just that you do your job well. Just try to do better next time, okay?"
"As you wish," Sanoka told her gratefully.
Zoey frowned at Kiko. The crime boss made a face, but reluctantly said, "However, I cannot allow this to go unpunished. So… No dessert for a week."
Everyone in the throne room gasped in horror. "Boss, no!" Yuika protested as Basco's jaw dropped, Killian stared in surprise, Badley backed away slowly, Los Dark could only stare in shock, Caine facepalmed and Sanoka looked as if she had been sentenced to death. "That's too cruel!"
"Wait, that's too cruel by your standards?!" Killian cried. "My mum gave me way worse than that!"
"Oh, denial of cuddles or dessert is no joke," Asteroibotchi said seriously. "I've seen hardened gangsters twice my age break down and promise never to disappoint the boss again after receiving that punishment."
Kiko cringed. "You're right. She hasn't done anything worth that bad a punishment. No dessert for tonight, then. Clear?"
Sanoka bent her head to the ground, a look of relief on her face. "Yes, Your Cold Excellence! Thank you, Your Cold Excellence! Your mercy knows no bounds, Your Cold Excellence!"
Kiko rolled her eyes indulgently and she gestured to the slave to get back to her feet. "Yeah, I know. Now come, let's have that tea. And no spills this time."
Sanoka nodded and poured another cup, this time making sure not a single drop was out of place.
Falcon rolled her eyes. "You're soft for the daughter of the Demon King, you know."
"You've never complained about my softness before," Kiko joked as she cupped her cheeks, causing Falcon to blush. "I'm trying to set a good example," she continued, accepting the cup from Sanoka with a smile. "And besides," she added, blowing on the cup before taking a sip. "I've always found adoration much better than fear, anyway."
"Kiko. Why have you called us forth from the depths of hell?" Los Dark rasped.
"I have an important task which I believe your skill sets are uniquely suited to handle," Kiko began.
"You want us to steal something?" Badley asked hopefully.
"Kill someone?" Basco asked even more eagerly.
"All of the above?" Killian suggested.
"Yeah. A band of heroes called the Wonderful 100 and X-Squad have shit in their possession that needs to be younked at all costs," Kiko explained. "They are heading to the outskirts of Blossom City. Your mission is to find them, send them to the heaven gates, and grab a tablet in the possession of the one called Wonder Red. If you happen to locate the outskirts in the process, feel free to cause chaos it to your hearts content. Do this, and I will bring you and all of your crew to true life and send you on your merry way to terrorize the universe once again."
"And if we refuse?" Basco leered.
The flames in the fireplace abruptly roared up again and changed colors, causing all the pirates to jump as once more the wails of the damned could be heard. "Then back to hell," Kiko said calmly.
The pirates exchanged nervous looks, then bowed their heads. "We're going to need resources," Los Dark said hesitantly. "Ships. Crew."
"And a trumpet," Basco added.
Everyone looked at him.
"What? I like to play," Basco said defensively.
"I play a mean keyboard," Badley admitted.
"I'm fairly good with a fiddle," Killian added.
"I do play a good flute." Caine said.
AN: OH DAMN! Things are getting intense, and it's the first chapter proper. Expect more shenanigans to come in the future.
[1: So since I wanted to write the weirdest start of a villain group possible, I decided to have the snow girl from Erma be the daughter of the main baddie from Demon Slayer. If you don't think it makes any sense, then it means I have succeeded. If you think it makes sense, I suggest that you seek psychological help.
[2: Brandon Tran belongs to ShorinRyuKarateKobudo, expect the Ninja boy's brother to come in the future.
[3: Darkanos and the Forces of Styx belong to TuffAgentSheperd, I don't claim to own them.