Chapter 54 - Getting in Trouble

April, 1992

Sephiroth feels nerves in his throat as he enters the lobby of the hotel. Tersdi is a respectable town north of Rocket Town and for some reason Rafi has decided to visit him here. It's a clever spot, he has to give her that. It's far enough from the war to not be dangerous but close enough that he can travel to it.

She didn't say why.

So he came without another question. After all the texts and support over the years, she deserved that.

The lobby is small but has a fireplace with two chairs. Rafi stands from one of those chairs as he enters. She's grown. She's taller and some of the cheerfulness has fallen away from her face. That doesn't stop her from smiling as he pauses, unsure of why he is here.

"Seph." She grins and closes the distance between them. Her hand comes on his arm and she squeezes. "It's so good to actually see you."

"It's still Sephiroth." He catches her hand and holds it away from him. "And it's nice to see you too."

But there is ice in his stomach. Why are they here? Pain is in the back of her eyes, hidden behind a careful veil. A couple other people pass through the lobby. A man in a suit talks to the hotel receptionist. Sephiroth unconsciously tries to keep track of them. A habit that would be deadly to break now in his line of work.

She holds her breath and lets it out, dropping out from his hand. "Come on, I want to catch up."

There is nothing to catch up on. They text all the time. He manages a half smile and hefts the overnight bag he's packed. He can check into his own room later. She leads him to the elevator. Her shoulders are straight across.

"Are they still making you grow out your hair?" Her voice is practiced as she punches the button.

"Yes."

"Dinand still at the base with you?" She studies her shoes for a minute.

"Yes."

"Shit."

"Yes." The pain flares in his chest but he suppresses it.

"How was the flight?"

"Fine."

She flashes a smile up at him. "How many questions can you answer with one syllable?"

"Lots."

She puffs out a laugh. It drops the tension. The doors open. He doesn't say anything. Part of his mind is already trying to categorize everything, saving every bit of this experience. She fidgets in the elevator and watches the numbers go up. She's wearing her hair differently. The length is gone. It's short and explodes out in curls. It is one thing in pictures. The volume is incredible in person.

He stays carefully behind her as she leads him through the hall. The space seems important and she doesn't slow to close the gap. There is still a sword on his back. Her eyes had rested on it once but have avoided it since. They are close enough to the front line that he may need it.

The keycard opens the door into a modest room. The view shows a strip of the North Sea from between cream blinds. The bed is made and a bag is on it. A stuffed chair has been dragged up to the desk. Rafi stops in the middle of the room as Sephiroth lets the door close. It clicks and the lock rumbles into place.

He stands and waits.

Rafi waves her hands around, helpless. "I know you are probably used to nicer accommodations but it's a college budget over here. The flight wasn't cheap. At least the bathroom is nice. No hair or bugs, you know?"

Sephiroth doesn't move. He practices breathing slowly, trying to keep the panic at bay.

"I-" Her eyes flick around. She bites her lip. She sways a moment, two thoughts fighting for a place in her mind.

Then she steadies and looks at him, tears in the corner of her eyes. "I need to talk. I need to talk to you."

"I know." Sephiroth nods. The panic flares. He can't lose her. He's ready for the feeling. He clamps on it hard, dragging it down into darkness.

She nods back and takes the desk chair.

Sephiroth forces his movements to be slow and controlled. The sword clunks off his back and he sets it against the bathroom door. The overnight bag sits parallel to the wall. He thinks about slipping off his combat boots but decides against it. She's still wearing her shoes. He straightens as he walks to the chair, knowing everything will be somehow different by the time he leaves it. The chair squeals under his weight.

He tries to arrange himself casually, leaning forward with his hands clasped. He hopes she doesn't see the white knuckles.

She laughs. "Some of my friends don't believe me when I say that I talk with the Sephiroth. You know?"

"I suppose that could be the case." The words feel diplomatic.

"It's been so long. You-we've both changed so much."

A rock is growing in his throat. "We've known each other for many years."

"Gods, you look… great ." Her eyes eat him. The white shirt he wears is missing the top button. She stares at his collarbones before coming back up to his face. The pain is at the surface. She knows to remember this moment too.

"You do too."

She blushes. "It's a dumb thing but can you turn off your phone? I wanted to talk to you. No call. No text. No interruptions. No Shinra. Just us. 'Kay?"

"Sure." He pulls it out and waits until it goes as blank as his mind. He sets it on the table.

"Silly, right? You are a big deal and like what if someone hacks our phones? I don't want our conversation out there." She checks her phone. The screen is dead. She tosses it on the bed.

"Of course. I'm here for you." He's losing so much ground in his head with no way to get it back. The only person his age that he talks to is slipping away.

"You've been fighting over a year now. I've…missed you. A lot." She looks away. Her painted nails work against each other. "I love texting with you. Don't get me wrong. Selfies are great. Always will be. And you are funny. In your own way. The distance has been hard and well, I think, or I think I realized, that we think about each other differently."

The fingers stop working and a fake smile comes over her. "I'm going to start dating, Sephiroth."

He fights to not bow his head. This will change things. Their eye contact doesn't shake but they both struggle in it. He should have seen this coming before. Guilt comes into her. That expression makes him lean back until the chair stops him.

"You've started, haven't you?"

"Almost. A guy named Trevor." A real flicker of a smile that breaks him. "He's wanted to go out with me for the last couple months. I know we never really made it but I still wanted to tell you before not in a text. I'm not asking permission or anything but you know, I wanted you to know."

He can't see her. This is it. Their friendship is cut adrift. Rafi won't be able to keep her attention straight. She'll probably disappear from his life. Another part of his life that has kept him from being lost, snapped away. It's terrifying.

"Can," He tries to make the sentence come out smooth and it doesn't. It breaks in weakness and he starts again. "Can we still be friends?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"…just okay? You're okay?"

He nods, numb.

She laughs, loud and long. "Things will probably change a little. That's another reason I wanted to talk. He's not the possessive type but I might be more occupied so I wanted us to spend some time together."

"Alright. Thanks for letting me know." He weaves his fingers together.

Her arms roll over the side of the chair in relief. " Damn Seph."

"Sephiroth."

His brain clicks, building a defense. He isn't going to stay here. The trip is an overnight. The plane that is supposed to take him back in the morning is sitting waiting. He blinks. This might be the last time he sees her in person.

A deck of cards are in her hands as he snaps his focus back to the present. "Well, friend , how about a couple rounds of Speed?"

He's not sure if he can take it but he nods. Rafi shoves something familiar at him. The cards thrum against each other as they mix. A smile hangs relaxed on her face. Her eyes cloud over. He swallows and then swallows again. Cards come sliding across the table at him. Without his control, they come into his hand. The eyes printed on the faces of the cards look dead.

She wins three games in a row.

She continues to plow forward as if she hasn't noticed but her eyes catch him on occasion.

He doesn't try. He has no attention for this. He does it because she wants to and he keeps trying to formulate the right words in his head. Each time he gets close, they collapse like a house of cards.

He's going to lose her. No. He's lost her. The only teen friend he really had. She's already admitted she'll be more distracted. He's seen her for years abandon things for more interesting ones. She'll disappear. The only friend that will ever have known him before Shinra sunk their teeth so far into him that he doesn't know the trained traits from the organic ones.

His hand of cards clicks on the table as he sets them down mid game.

"Rafi."

She stills. She struggles to look at him.

"I've loved your company. It's…made a difference." It feels like a concession to his real feelings. He's clung onto her. She is, no, was his normalcy. She reminded him of a life to dream of. She reminded him to be his age.

"Aww, things aren't going to change that much. Don't be a drama queen." She reaches forward and puts her hands on his. "Want a late dinner? There is a place nearby."

"No." It comes out cold.

The fingers slip away. He feels the warmth disappear. The last time she would do that.

He shakes himself. "No, I ate on the plane. Sorry. Long day. Let's catch breakfast tomorrow."

He's standing and straightening. The phone goes back in his pocket.

Her smile falters.

"Yeah."

He rolls a shoulder, trying to be more normal, trying to ignore everything inside. He'll text her later that something came up and he had to leave unexpectedly. The path is straight and laid out in his head now. She'll understand that. She hovers behind his steps as he walks back towards the door. Her hand holds onto her other elbow.

"Shinra. They keep me busy. I'll be fine, Rafi," he says as he takes the sword and locks it back in place. "I'm tougher now."

He opens the door quickly and walks out. He couldn't stand a goodbye. The combat boots clomp against the floor. He focuses on his chin. It keeps drooping. The elevator is straight ahead. A guy is already waiting for it to come. It'll be soon then. Out of the building and into the fresh air. It'll do him some good.

"Sephiroth!"

No. He shouldn't turn back. He does anyways. Rafi inches towards him, his overnight bag held with both her hands.

"Always a dumby," She huffs.

"Maybe." He closes the space between them. She drops the bag at his feet and hugs him. Her hands go wide and he stumbles back as he catches her embrace. He half holds her off the ground as she wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face next to his. She still, somehow, smells the same.

"I waited as long as I could. Thank you." It's a whisper.

He squeezes her as hard as he dares. His fingers splay against her back. He tries to give her everything that he feels for her. He could never be in a relationship with her. She's a friend, a sister, a peer, a confidant. She kisses him softly on the cheek.

Carefully, he lowers Rafi. Her toes touch his before he leans further forward and lets go. She's right. It's time. He's being selfish.

He takes the bag and forces a smile that doesn't feel entirely fake. "Don't get yourself into trouble."

"I always do."

He shakes his head but the elevator bings behind him. He gives her one more glance. She puts her hands on her hips. Her eyes are amused as she waves and points behind him. He makes it and by the time he turns around, the hallway is gone. The space is anonymous. The man in the elevator gives him one long look before focusing on his phone.

He cancels his reservation and the hotel disappears behind him. The air is cool and the stars are out. He looks up at them and blinks, trying to dry his eyes. He keeps walking, dropping the pieces of Rafi and himself that he can't bare to lose behind him. He needs to let her go. He's not wanted anymore. Every person has a finite amount of time. She's choosing to spend it with someone else. The town turns into a long road to the airstrip. He's not afraid. The woods mean nothing. They are empty here.

It's a small plane buzzing overhead that reminds him that he has not called the pilot to meet him at the airstrip.

He pulls out his phone and waits for it to wake up. It's still off. Sighing, he powers it up. It buzzes angrily.

Mariella tried to call him six times within ten minutes.

Strange.

He dials back as he walks in the starlight.

"Sephiroth," Mariella says, "why didn't you call me?"

"Sorry, my phone was off. Everything alright?"

"Everything is fine." It must be a bad signal because it sounds like Mariella sounds hoarse. "Did you have a good day? Aren't you on vacation to see Rafi today?"

Sephiroth pauses, holds his breath, tries to lie but it all hurts too much. "I got some bad news."

"Oh no."

He can't push it. Everything with Rafi is still fresh and raw. Mariella can't help him now in the middle of nowhere anyways.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He walks a little faster. "No. I checked out of the hotel. I'm heading back to the front. It's done."

His own words hang on him. The line goes dead for a minute. His legs want to break into a run, to put more distance between the two of them, to separate himself from the hurt.

"Laugh at me all you want but…you know how to use protection, right?"

"What?"

"With Rafi…"

That makes him laugh in a way that stings. "Why are you asking that?"

"Come on, you went to a hotel just to see the girl you have been hanging out with for years. I just want you to be safe."

"I-" His throat cuts him off. He shakes it off and pulls himself together. "Rafi and I aren't like that."

"So you didn't…?"

"No. She wanted to tell me something. That's all." The grief catches fire and fills his voice. "Why do you care? Why does everyone care about this?"

Mariella pauses. "Sephiroth, I'm trying to help. You don't need a child in your life right now."

She's right. He sighs and looks away, trying to find a path through this but seeing nothing.

"So no children to worry about?"

"No," he says softly, "I wouldn't."

"I've got to go, Sephiroth. I'm still at work and they're telling me there is an emergency. Take care of yourself."

He nods, tries to pull himself together, there are bigger problems out there in the world. He knows that. This is inconsequential.

It doesn't work. He stops in the middle of the road.

He presses his hand against his face, trying to school everything inside of him that is bursting out.

The phone waits for his reply.

"Have a good night, Mariella," he manages.

The line is already dead.