Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

In 1948 Cab Calloway recorded Everybody Eats When They Come To My House.

This leg of the race was adapted from Season 29, episode 3 of the actual show.

Everybody Eats When They Come To My House

"A man has been shot," the officer told them simply. "One of the contestants in your program has been murdered. His name was Ivan Kuznetsov."

The villains glanced at each other nervously, was the offer of a pardon a way to set them up as targets?

"Did any of you know the man? I will need to ask each of you about where you were during the last hour."

Kim spoke up, "We all came into the hall as soon as we heard shots. We can all testify that we were in our rooms when the shooting took place."

"That information is good, but we will still need to speak with each of you individually about anything you might have seen or heard today. Please wait in the hall here for a moment until other officers get here. We will need the names of those of you willing to verify the location of each other. Then you may return to your rooms and wait until your individual interviews."

"Do you need rooms for interviews? You can use mine," Kim volunteered. "I'll stay with my partner," she said and gestured to Shego's room.

"You could have asked instead of moving in with me," Shego sniped as they went in and waited to be called for an interview.

"We're partners in this, we're going to be seeing a lot of each other."

"And I think we should relish those moments when we don't have to look at each other's face."

"Besides I wanted to talk with you."

"If it's about playing nice and trying to win you can can it. I'm here for the pardon, I'm not going to kill..." She closed her eyes and signed. "Sounds really bad to say I'm not going to kill myself to try and win this, not after this."

"Who would want to kill him?"

"Hello? Anyone who's ever been scammed or had their ID stolen or had their life ruined by some internet fraud. Or anyone who's had family or friend who suffered. I'm guessing ninety-seven percent of the people living in a ten-mile radius had a motive, but my money is on that Falcon guy."

"He's a hero."

"No hero ever went bad?" Shego asked, and pointed a finger at herself.

"You never killed."

"I tried to kill you a couple times."

"Those lame death traps you let Drakken put me in?"

"You could have died."

"You had real chances to kill me. You didn't. And what about the times you saved my life?"

"Accidents."

"Get real. You aren't a killer, period. But that's not what I wanted to talk about."

"How to get Doofus to propose?"

"Will you drop Ron? We aren't in a romantic relationship. When you got off the bus you were shaking–"

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes, you were. And when we ran into Cat and the Tarantula, both times, you–"

"I'll repeat what I told you earlier, just shut the fuck up."

Kim weighed her options. She wanted to continue the conversation, but while they were sharing a room and waiting to be interviewed by the police was not an ideal time for discussion. "Okay. So, change of topic. What did you think of Mary? I thought she was nice. She said we'd get different camera people on other days. I wouldn't mind if we could keep her."

Shego seemed happy to change the subject. "Yeah, she was a winner. Maybe we'll get her again at some point."

"I thought she was cute. What was your opinion?"

Shego wondered what Kim was doing. She changed the subject. "So, think this race thing will be called off? Will I still get my pardon? None of us with the pardon promise was told what this was really about, but I'm guessing it's more than a television program. No way we're getting the offer just for being in some reality show. And who were those dudes in the cheap suits with cameras? They were not part of the real crew."

"They didn't give you any details?"

"Nope. Held out the offer of a pardon to see who'd jump for it. Care to toss me a little intel?"

"Care to talk about spiders?"

"Nope."

Other efforts at conversation failed. Shego got in bed and turned on the television, eventually finding the BBC. Kim got into bed on the other side, curled up closer to Shego than the older woman felt comfortable with, and went to sleep.

The race did not leave Barcelona the next day as scheduled. No one was happy. The television crew was not happy. Countries around the world, which had made plans to show themselves off for potential tourists, complained to the Spanish government about the costs of changing their plans. The Spanish police were not happy, they had too many suspects – many of whom wanted to leave the country – and were under pressure to do something. Arresting the Falcon was attractive. While he had no alibi for the time of the murder there was absolutely no evidence against him. Global Justice and Interpol were not happy, they had felt pressured to suggest criminals for the competition and suspected one of the villains was the killer – but like the suspicion the Spanish police directed at the Falcon they had no evidence any of the others was guilty.

Television producers, Spanish officials, embassy personnel from various countries, Global Justice, Interpol, and the Spanish police held a prolonged and noisy meeting in the afternoon. There was talk of calling off the the program, but governments had invested money in the program to promote tourism. The network had invested money in preparation and salaries. Neither governments nor the network wanted it cancelled.

Many of the participants and technical crew met informally to share such gossip as they knew, or guessed.

"I'll bet it was that Falcon guy," represented the dominant point-of-view.

"Heroes aren't killers, had to be one of you guys!"

"He was no hero."

Umzingeli nodded at the Cat, "You said keeping our partners hidden created a feeling of 'us' and 'them'. I see it now. Could your American television company have hired an assassin to create the drama the old man spoke of?"

"The old man, as you called me," Die Fledermaus said, "doubts the network had anything to do with it. But toadies of Zelimkhanov might have."

"Who's this Zelimkhanov," the Jackal demanded.

"Arrogant thug with an obsession for the show," the Bat answered. "Anyone notice the men in poorly fitting black suits with cameras who filmed us at a couple spots? He might have ordered an assassin to kill a villain to create greater tension."

"Or maybe kill off any villain on a losing team?" Drakken wondered nervously. "Why a villain? Why not kill a hero?"

"It would certainly make the competition more fierce," Hunterwali mused.

"Could these henchmen of Zelimkhanov be arrested?"

"Not without probable cause. It requires evidence."

"A pool," suggested Shego. "We all throw in five bucks. That's five dollars, American. Whoever guesses right splits the money with anyone else who guessed right. Oh, and if 'one of the villains' is a category and it's Duff here–"

"You're a witness it can na' be me."

"I know, Sweetheart, it's why I'm using you as an example. What I'm saying is if 'unnamed villain' is a category, and no one chose you, everyone guessing villain in general would split the pot. If someone guessed you, and you were the killer, the person with the most specific guess would win."

The Falcon was the #1 choice as the killer. Unnamed hero came in at number 2. Interpol or Global Justice agent and Zelimkhanov henchman were tied. "None of the above/below" held fifth place. "Someone working for the network" received votes of no-confidence from a couple heroes and villains. Unnamed villain was selected by several people there. Steve, the cameraman who had covered Ivan and the Falcon, and who had described the Russian as "pure, unadulterated scum," had been the choice of one person.

"Who do you think did it?" Ron asked Shego.

The green woman shrugged, "I'm going to guess Bat guy, he doesn't have an alibi for where he was, and he's a crazy vigilante." She didn't really think Die Fledermaus was guilty, but wanted to point a finger at someone who'd beaten her. Die Fledermaus simply ground his teeth slightly and said nothing. He had not come running into the hallway at the sound of shots being fired because his room was slightly further away, and without the hearing aids built into his cowl – which he preferred not to mention to anyone – he hadn't heard the shots.

Participants were informed of plans during dinner.

"Okay, we resume the race tomorrow. The Spanish police will assign officers to watch sequestered teams that have been eliminated in Malta. We will have a Spanish detective and his assistants traveling with us, Detective Fix. Global Justice is adding another squad of agents to their security team, who will investigate the killing. William Du will be the agent in charge and will work with Detective Fix on clearing the innocent. Please give them all possible cooperation." Detective Fix and Will Du rose for the contestants to see who they were, both looked uncomfortable at the scrutiny and sat down quickly.

"Will Du?" Kim groaned.

"You know him?" Shego asked.

"He's a bigger pain than you."

Shego glanced over at Ron, sitting on the other side of Kim, "Should I take that as a compliment or an insult?"

"Insult for you or him?" asked Ron.

At 6 a.m. the next morning the Team Experience, the first to finish the first leg of the race, left the hotel for the El Prat Airport. Teams left at five minute intervals, in the order of finishing, with directions to book flights to the Julius Nyerere International Airport at Dar es Salaam, Tanzania.

"Kole," one of the two men who got into the car with Kim and Shego said to introduce himself.

"Ray," said the other. "Mary said something about someone unclear on the rules?"

"That would be her," Kim answered pointing at Shego. "But what rules are you talking about?"

"Airport behavior?"

"I go to the counter and request four tickets for our destination, then you film me asking for two tickets? I think that's right."

"Nailed it. Of course... Shego? Is that your real name?"

"No."

"What is–"

"She doesn't talk about her real name," Kim warned. "And you don't want to know about her temper."

Shego growled slightly, but offered. "Thanks, Cupcake."

"She calls you Cupcake?"

"Among other things. She has several pet names for me."

"I do not!"

"Yes, she does. Cupcake, Princess, and Pumpkin are her top three."

"I thought you two were enemies?"

"Oh, we were. But now that she's getting a pardon we–"

"Are still enemies! Now and forever!"

"I think I started to look at her in a new way years ago when she saved my life."

"It was an accident!"

"So, Kim, she has pet names for you. Do you have pet names for her?"

"Oh, not that I use in public. I save them for when we're alone and–"

"She's lying," Shego shrieked.

"Well, I don't have any good ones yet," admitted Kim. She glanced at Shego, "How about Fire-fly?"

Shego answered by holding up her hand, middle finger extended. Plasma blazed around it.

Kim shrugged, "I'm hoping by the end of the race to have some good ones." She turned to Shego, "How about Sugar? Would you answer to Sugar?"

"I'd punch you in the mouth if I didn't need to drive and you were up here by me instead of Kole."

"Told you she has a temper," Kim reminded them. "I guess I'll scratch Sugar from the list of ideas. If you two come up with any good ones let me–"

"If you two want me to respect your bodily integrity you won't give her any ideas. Pumpkin has taken a few too many blows to the head."

Kole glanced at Ray and smiled, if these two weren't eliminated early the editors would probably give them a lot of air time.

Kim and Shego, along with their cameramen, snagged the last four seats on a direct flight leaving in ninety minutes.

Shego breathed a sigh of relief, "So, piece of cake not to finish last on this leg. It'll keep Cupcake off my back."

"Assuming there are no problems," Ray warned. "Our flight gets delayed, or develops engine trouble or something and suddenly the teams that are leaving later or have connecting flights may beat you."

"And I've heard some teams get lost and can't find a clue or something," Kim added.

"Yeah, we've seen teams that start out the day in the lead get eliminated at four in the morning when they finally show up at the Pit Stop."

The flight wasn't delayed, and the first four teams ran to find taxis when the plane set down in Dar es Salaam.

"Askari Monument," Kim told the driver as the four of them managed to pass Team Experience getting out of the airport.

Kim reread the directions, "The monument commemorates Askari soldiers who served with the British in World War I. We're supposed to find a Route Marker there."

A man dressed in the garb of a soldier a hundred years earlier handed them a newspaper. "It's yesterday's. You were supposed–"

"We know," snapped Shego. "We're supposed to head to the printing plant or something?"

"You're supposed to find picture of a boat."

The first four teams to arrive were all frantically poring over the newspaper when Kim nudged Shego in the ribs with her elbow.

"What now," the green woman complained.

Kim pointed to a small illustration in the classified ads, a picture of the ferry from the Azam Marine Ferry Terminal to Zanzibar City, Zanzibar. The two ran for a taxi.

The man selling tickets grinned at them. "You can't always get tickets without reservations. We kept some available for you. Next ferry leaves in twenty-minutes. What happened? We were expecting you yesterday."

"A contestant was killed in Spain. It–"

"Killed? An accident?"

"Murder. Hey you may be selling a ticket to a killer today," Shego told him cheerfully.

"But it wasn't us," Kim assured him. "Shego and I know exactly where we were when–"

"Will you knock it off, Princess?" demanded Shego.

Kole just smiled as he kept filming.

Kim stood at the ferry's rail as they waited to depart. She was hoping no one else would arrive for their ferry, but with two minutes to spare Señor Senior and the Bat – along with their camera crew – made it.

Kim and Shego talked over the next leg of the trip with Team Experience on the ride. "Build It or Weave It, is what they're calling the Detour. Once we arrive at the ferry terminal we need to hire dhows to get across the bay. We're either putting together desks, carrying them to a school, and learning some Swahili phrases or watching some guy harvest coconut leaves and doing some basket weaving."

"But it doesn't say how much is involved in building the desks."

"No, and it just says the school is near. How close is near?"

Shego voted, "Basket weaving sounds easier. You got a problem with that, Cupcake?"

"Let's go for it."

"I'm going to assume the two tasks are intended to require approximately the same amount of time," reasoned Die Fledermaus. He turned to Señor Senior, "I suggest we not go head to head with the young women, the desks?"

Senior shrugged, "It would be a shame to discourage them by finishing before them."

Shego ground her teeth, but said nothing. Her competitive spirit kicked in at the remark and she was determined to finish ahead of Team Experience.

Weaving baskets turned out to be harder than the two women had anticipated. At least getting baskets woven that passed inspection. "Bastard hates us," Shego muttered to Kim as they started over, again. Two other teams arrived before they could finish the Detour. Hawi and Electronique, and it was apparent Hawi knew something about basket weaving by the ease in which she began working. Ippo-Ippo and Saikoro arrived as Kim and Shego presented their latest efforts for inspection. Shego and Kim didn't know if either of them knew a thing about basket weaving, but they knew the Filipino was the fastest person in the competition.

Hawi and Electronique received their clue minutes before Kim and Shego passed inspection and received theirs. Shego tore the envelope open. There was some cash inside with the instructions.

"Roadblock. We gotta find something called the Darajani Market. Got a list of stuff one of us has to buy at the market. Then we turn it over to some cook outside the market and get the next clue... How many damn things do we have to do today?"

"As many as it takes," Kim told her. "You said the Darajani Market?"

"Yeah."

"Let me handle it."

They left to find transportation. "Uh, Pumpkin?" warned Shego. "Not sure the list here is English. I'm guessing Swahili."

"Doesn't matter."

"You speak Swahili?"

"Trust me."

"As far as I can throw a hippo," Shego muttered. She believed their best shot at taking the lead was to grab someone who spoke some English and threatening that person with bodily harm if they didn't help. She thought she remembered being told threats were against the rules, but would claim to have forgotten. And she was sure she could be more threatening than Kim. They found Jackie Oakes and Electronique standing at the edge of the market with a camerawoman when they arrived at the market's edge. Shego handed over the cash and shopping list, "Try to finish in under an hour. I don't know where the old guys are, but I want to beat them, bad." She had no way of knowing where Team Experience was, but feared they'd completed their desks before she and Kim finished their baskets.

Kole and Kim went into the market. Ray stayed to film Shego as she waited. Shego and Electronique moved as far from each other as possible. Shego identified Electronique as the person with whom she felt most likely to get in a serious fight. "How long you been here?" the green woman asked the Jackal.

"Fifteen, twenty minutes. Umzingeli may speak Swahili."

"The old guys? Any idea where they are?"

"I dunno. They were leaving the market as we got here."

"Damn."

There were shouts of, "Keem! Keem Possivle!" as Kim entered the market.

Outside the market Electronique and Jackie Oakes looked questioningly at Shego. The green woman held up her hands in a gesture that proclaimed, "I haven't got a clue."

Six minute later a number of vendors came out of the market carrying Kim, and a basket of produce, on their shoulders. "Thank you," one began. "If you and your friend had not saved–"

Kim smiled and held up her hand to stop the flow of praise. "No big. Ron and were just happy we could help you that day. Thank you all so much for helping me today."

The man who had been speaking just grinned, "It is, as you said, no big. But what you did was indeed a–"

"Speeches later," Shego interrupted. "We're on the clock."

They handed the purchases over and received directions, "A rooftop teahouse at the Emerson on Hurumzi – whatever that is."

Fortunately the taxi driver knew.

"You are team number six," Phil told them as they stepped on the mat.

"Damn," Shego thought. "We're going downhill." She felt it was her fault. Why did people make jokes about basketweaving being easy? It wasn't. She and Kim had been ahead of everyone but the old guys and come in sixth? Kim was going to give her hell for their failure as soon as the cameras were turned off, she just knew it. "So, who came in first today?"

"Kim's friend Ron and Lord Fiske."

"Team Monkey," one of the technicians added.

"And the old farts?"

"Came in second."

Shego consoled herself with, "Well, at least they didn't come in first."

"Let's find Ron and get something to eat," Kim suggested as they left the teahouse.

"Okay, Pumpkin needs an audience to humiliate me in front of... Better go anyway, make sure she's not telling lies about me." "Uh, okay."

Kim got a message through to Ron and they met a half-hour later. Two camera people were there. "Are you always going to be following us like this?"

"It's our job description."

Kim held up a hand, "Ron? You were first?!"

Ron slapped her hand in a high-five. "Oh yeah, it was great. Monkey Fist has, like, prehensile feet and–"

"I think it's tails that are prehensile. But he has an opposable toe."

"Whatever he has, it's like he has four hands for putting stuff together. So we were just a little behind Fledermaus and Senior in getting desks put together. And I won't be humble, I did great at the market. What happened with you and Shego? I heard you were the first team to Zanzibar."

"Well, us and Senior and the Bat. We tried the basket weaving. It was harder than we expected."

"I had it once in summer camp, so I said 'no way'."

"What the hell," Shego thought as they returned to their hotel for the night. "Was it because the cameras were on us and she doesn't want to ruin her reputation?" Kim still hadn't said a word about Shego's poor performance. The cameras were off now, and potential witnesses gone. "Uh, anything you need to say?"

"Get a good night's sleep?"

"About today?"

"Is this about the market? Really, Ron and I... It was maybe six years ago and–"

"Damn it, about me."

"About you... Oh, it was fun working with you. Remember that time with the trans-dimensional vortex thing when–"

"I fucked up! You can say it."

"What are you talking about?"

"The basket-weaving."

Kim shrugged. "We all have an off-day. Tomorrow it might be my turn to have a bad day. Don't kick yourself. Tomorrow we go out and have fun running another obstacle course."

Shego's eyes narrowed, "You're really not going to call me a screw-up?"

"Nope. We've worked together before. Electronique. Aviarius. The TV thing I just mentioned. Thinking about... I really do have fun with you. Whether we win or lose, I'm going to simply enjoy being with you. I hope you can enjoy being with me."

"No one is that nice," Shego thought as she locked the door to her room. "Is she trying to avoid conflict? Does she need the money?" The green woman sighed. "Kim was right, it has been fun when we worked together before. The kid is okay, really. We should just enjoy ourselves... And beat those old guys tomorrow."

At three in the morning they woke Phil up to go to the Tea House. "I'm sorry to inform you," he told Hunterwali and Professor Dementor, "but you are team number eleven and have been eliminated."

"I could have made a machine to weave baskets," the German snarled.

Once in his hotel room he made sure there was no one hiding in it, then carefully locked the door and moved all the furniture to block anyone from entering. He spent a sleepless night worrying about being assassinated.