Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

This leg of the race adapted from Season 30, episode 10.

I Don't Like Spiders and Snakes

Kim was finishing her can of warm Diet Coke and conversation with Shego. The redhead explained why she'd not wanted the green woman as a partner "... The guilty part was why I didn't want you as a partner. I thought it would be too weird. But now we're partners and..."

Shego laughed, "As partners go... Can you imagine me with my brother or you with Drakken?"

"I'd much rather have you as my partner."

The green woman shrugged, "I guess I'm happy with you as a partner. Maybe. Except for us being called Team Cupcake."

"And whose fault is that?"

Kim held up her empty Coke can for a toast and Shego shrugged and tapped her Coke can against it, "Guilty."

Which is when the loud pounding started on the door.

"What?" Kim demanded.

"Move it! Your taxi's here!"

"We just got in bed!"

"We?"

"Uh, I'm talking strategy with Kim," Shego answered.

There was a snort from the other side of the door, and the unseen speaker called, "This was day one. No rest leg."

"A No-rest Leg?" Shego complained as she and Kim got in a taxi and headed to the airport with a new camera person. Apparently the camera crew had a better union than the participants. "Who the hell thought up that clever instrument of torture?"

"In one of the early seasons there was a screw-up," Steve explained, "and two legs had to be run back to back. Some sadist in programming liked it and it was called a Super Leg for a couple seasons. Now they're called No-rest Legs."

Kim yawned "There's going to be a real rest day soon, right?"

"Eventually. That hold over in Spain screwed up the schedule. Maybe this was supposed to be a rest day... Maybe it was a day or two ago. The cameramen are bottom of the pecking order in getting information. But I'm pretty sure Thailand was supposed to be tomorrow so we're on schedule again."

Shego had to agree, "Yeah, great. How soon 'til a rest day?"

"Uh, you know about mushrooms, right?"

"They keep them in the dark and feed them horse shit?"

"Right. Mushrooms and the guy holding the camera."

Kim wanted a little clarification, "So, teams basically head to the airport with no rest? We'll be on a lot of different flights."

"Yep."

"So... Why did you give us a couple hours before telling us this?"

"You're complaining 'cause you got any break at all? There are no flights out for another hour. You wanted to spend that time sitting in an airport waiting room? You could have used the time to rest instead of, you know."

"We know what?"

"Karl says you two were in the same room."

"Talking strategy," Shego insisted and tried to change the subject. "Will the last team for yesterday still be eliminated?"

"Yep."

Kim tried to sound optimistic. "We should have time to rest on our flights. And we have the first choice of flights! You can sleep on me."

"I keep telling you to stop that," Shego yawned. "But I may. I think I'd kill for a rest day... If I knew who to kill." She looked at the cameraman, "Got any suggestions on who to kill to get a rest day?"

He chuckled, "Well, got a guy I hate, but I don't think it would–"

"Stop the killing talk. There's been a real murder." Kim turned to Shego, "And you don't want to mess up your pardon."

Shego shrugged, "She's never had a sense of humor."

"I'm tired and cranky. You're tired and cranky–"

"Am not!"

"Are too! Now let's do our best to be nice to each other and catch any sleep we can."

Shego decided not to argue.

Team Sparks was at a ticket counter, purchasing tickets as they entered.

"Should we see what flight they're on, and if there's still room?" Kim asked.

"No, we're hoping they fucked up. Make sure we ask for the flight that'll get us to Thailand first, not the flight that leaves first."

"Or ask for the airlines with the best record for being on time."

"Not a bad idea, Pumpkin."

The other women headed for a gate before Kim and Shego could finish their purchase. Team Experience arrived to purchase their tickets to Chiang Mai while Kim and Shego worked with an agent. Team Experience was still at a ticket counter as Kim and Shego headed for their gate.

As they passed by the gate where Hawi and Electronique waited for their flight to depart Kim and Shego grinned and gave each other a small fist bump. Team Sparks was scheduled to board in twenty minutes. Team Cupcake would board in an hour and a half. But, if there were no delays, they were scheduled to arrive at Chiang Mai almost two hours earlier. "Damn, what if they jump flights on one of their layovers and they catch an earlier flight?" Shego suddenly asked.

"We got to stick with what we got," Kim whispered. "And hope Team Experience is on their flight."

The two women spoke with the gate agent, and asked to be awakened if they were asleep when the call came to board. They settled into adjacent seats, but before they could close their eyes Team Experience arrived. The men waved a greeting, and then found seats for themselves and the woman running their camera in the waiting area.

As they deplaned for their first layover Die Fledermaus spoke with Kim, "I suggest that we forget the competition for the moment and work to help each other on the flights."

Before Shego could tell him where to stick the idea Kim agreed. "Sounds good. We'll make sure we all get to the right gates and like that."

"Excellent. I hope you lovely ladies will allow Senior and myself to buy you some sort of breakfast – or late night snack – or something before our next flight?"

"Thanks, that'd be great. Sign says our gate is down that corridor."

"Double-check it with the departure board. Gates can change."

Kim nodded in agreement and headed over to check the board. The rules compelled Shego to follow. "You didn't have to suck up to the old guys," the green woman complained. "You're selling out for breakfast?"

"I'm not selling out. It doesn't hurt either team to cooperate a little until we get to Chiang Mai. And I agreed before they even made the offer for breakfast."

Team Experience also sprang for food for the camera crew. Kim and Shego's camera man complained, "This is a violation of the rules! Contestants aren't allowed to spend their own money!"

Senior dismissed the complaint with a wave of his hand, "I have accounts in all the major airports. There was no exchange of cash."

"But it's still cheating!"

"Shut up," the camera woman for Team Experience told him, "and eat your sandwich."

He was opening his mouth to continue the argument when Shego asked the woman, "What are the rules if a camera person has an 'accident' and is hurt badly, or accidentally stuffed in a trash bin or something, and unable to continue the flight?"

"You can't threaten a camera man!" he sputtered.

"I don't recall threatening you," Shego told him. "Just asking a hypothetical question."

Senior pointed out, "And you have taken a bite out. I believe that also would mean you are in violation of the rules."

He shrugged in resignation, "Hey I was just asking hypothetically... Oh, and the next layover? I wouldn't mind a sausage patty."

"Which weren't available here, and likely not our next stop either. Muslim passengers don't eat pork."

Their third flight, the actual leg to Chiang Mai International Airport, was delayed three hours. As the plane set down in Thailand they wondered where the other contestants were. Team Sparks could be ahead of them – if they hadn't suffered their own delays. Teams that started behind them might now be ahead, if they had not had any delays.

"Any idea what a songthaew is?" Shego asked as they deplaned.

"Not sure," answered Kim. "Context suggests it's our transportation to the Royal Park Ratchaphruek, and it's supposed to be provided."

"A pickup or larger truck with wooden seats along the side and some sort of top put on it," Die Fledermaus explained. "Used as a taxi. And now, fair ladies, our truce has ended."

Shego didn't recall ever agreeing to the truce, and wondered if Kim resented the sexism of the old guy's comment. She was sure either she or Kim could kick his wrinkled ass with ease. Not that she planned to try. But that was strictly to keep her pardon intact and not out of any respect for his formidable reputation as a fighter. "If he was as good as they say he wouldn't have needed all those gadgets."

Kim told their driver "Royal Park Ratchaphruek."

Shego yawned as they began their bumpy ride. "White elephants? Umbrellas? Garlands?"

Kim re-read the directions. "We find statues of white elephants and there are some garlands. We take one, give it to a woman with an umbrella and she passes us our next Route Marker."

Team Experience must have had a slightly faster songthaew, or a driver who knew a shortcut. They were getting their Route Marker as Kim and Shego arrived. Two minutes later Kim and Shego were handed their own envelope.

"Detour," Kim read. "Seize It or Size It."

"Wonderfully cryptic," muttered Shego. "I assume there are details."

"If someone would let me finish reading before getting snarky... For Size It we go to some elephant farm and one of us takes some measurements on an elephant. Then ride it over for our next Route Marker."

"I don't do animal acts. Next."

"For Seize It we go to the Baan Kaew Rice Field and capture twenty frogs."

"Great. They're both animal Acts. I don't do them. Your choice, Princess."

"The rice field is flooded, so... Catch them in the mud? How hard can it be to measure an elephant?"

The answer to the question, "How hard can it be to measure an elephant?" wasn't clear. Apparently for some it was harder than others. At least Kim supposed that to be the case. It seemed relatively easy to her. She talked soothingly to the huge animal as she gathered the required details and passed them on to the veterinarian at the elephant sanctuary. He smiled and gave them instructions on how to mount the elephant and ride it down a short trail where it would be fed and they would receive their Route Marker.

As Kim and Shego started their ride Team Sparks arrived at the sanctuary. "How's the job?" called Hawi.

"Piece of cake," Kim answered.

Shego grumbled, "You don't have to be nice to everyone, you know. They're the enemy."

"They're not enemies, they're simply the competition."

"Close enough. And you still don't have to be nice to everyone."

"Just you?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I'm nice to people in general. But if you don't want me being nice to to the competitors I can be nice to–"

"Forget it, Cupcake. You and I are enemies."

"We're not enemies."

"Of course we are."

"No way! You saved my life. The pet names. Sneaking into my room this morning to–" Kim glanced over at the camera person. "Did you know she snuck into my room this morning."

"I brought her a Diet Coke," Shego shrieked. "I just brought her a Coke! She said she'd do anything for..."

The cameraman raised an eyebrow, "Anything?"

"Oh, I promised her anything," pouted Kim, "but she was too shy to take me up on the offer." Kim suddenly started laughing as she threw her arms around the older woman and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry. But you're too fun to tease."

"Maybe I'll try slugging you next time," Shego grumbled. "Take all the fun out of it."

They surrendered the elephant they had been loaned in return for a new Route Marker. Shego ripped it open and started to read. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped as she read and she released a long slow breath. "No way," she uttered and dropped the instructions.

"No way what?" demanded Kim.

"No fucking way. I quit."

"What?" repeated Kim, stooping to pick up the Route Marker.

"Race is over for me. We're done."

Kim quickly scanned the directions and grimaced. "You said you weren't afraid of–"

"I fuckin' lied, okay? And you knew it! No way in hell can I do that."

"Can you tell me what the problem is?" their camera person asked.

"Roadblock," Kim explained. "Find the Restaurant. They're calling it 'Who wants to Thai something new?' One of us has to eat three cooked scorpions and a bullfrog–"

"And I've heard talk Shego is creeped out by that Tarantula guy, but–"

"It's a hell of a lot more than creeped out," spat Shego. "And the team member who isn't eating the damn things has to let live scorpions crawl... I can't. We're done."

"The person not eating the scorpions and frog has live scorpions crawling over her."

"Turn off that camera," ordered Shego. "No one is seeing this."

"I can't turn off–"

Kim saw Shego was trembling, mostly fear but possibly anger. "Better turn it off for a minute. She and I need to talk."

Green plasma glowed around Shego's hands. The camera went off.

Kim began, "Is there any–"

"No. No way!"

"Could you let me finish?"

"Probably not."

"Try hard. Okay, you can't have bugs crawling on you. I get it. Could you eat them?"

"No, 'cause I'd be looking at them crawling on you. Kim... I can't... I just can't."

"Could you eat them if you didn't have to look?"

"It's a little hard to eat with your eyes closed, or blindfolded. I assume you're not wanting to poke my eyes with a sharp stick."

"Eyes closed, or blindfolded. Either way. The live scorpions crawl on me. I direct you. 'The plate is in front of you... little to the right. Okay, there it is.' You pick up what's on the plate and eat it without having to look at it."

"And it's still no way."

"Could you eat a cooked scorpion if you don't have to look at it? Yes or no?"

"Yes, and no."

"Yes and no?"

"I think I could. Not going to. Not having a recording put out to the world about my fears."

"The camera won't be on."

"Hey–" protested the Steve, "you can't–"

"It won't be on," Shego said firmly. "You want your phobia broadcast to the world?"

"It's my job!"

"How about your camera meets with a little accident," suggested Kim. "I mean, they can't blame you if the camera breaks, can they?"

"I haven't agreed to any of this," Shego pointed out.

"You're not a quitter. You can do this!"

Steve thought moment. "Look, I don't want to get in trouble. Facing fears is part of the show, but this is... I mean, the show is not about torturing the participants... It's turn off the camera or you quit? The fear is that bad?

"You got it," agreed Shego. "Oh, and even if I quit, you keep your damn mouth shut. I hear talk of this conversation and I know who to come looking for. Prison is easier than..." Shego shuddered.

"You'll try?" ask Kim.

Shego muttered, "I... I'll try. If this isn't stupidest thing I've ever done it's at least in the top five."

"And we find some way to fake some shots," Steve insisted. "I can film you sitting down and the plate being set in front you. I can film Ms Possible having the–"

"Don't even talk about it," Shego told him. "Don't want to hear about it. Now hurry before I change my mind."

Fortunately no one else was at the Khum Khantoke restaurant when they arrived. The women had no idea where they were in the competition. They found a secluded booth for the Roadblock. Steve took some shots as Kim and Shego discussed strategy. Kim could see Shego was shaking."You okay? We can quit if you–"

"I said I'd try. Let's do it."

"Maybe it will help you with–"

"Shut up, Cupcake. Nothing will help. Let's do this."

Shego closed her eyes. Steve positioned himself behind Shego, so her closed eyes were not visible. The camera was kept on Kim as large scorpions were taken from a box and placed on Kim's clothing, where they began crawling over her.

"Microphone off?" asked Kim.

"Mike off."

"Okay, Shego, put your hand on the table... Move it left a couple inches... There. First appetizer is–"

"You're calling it an appetizer?"

"It's a euphemism, okay? Yeah, right there. Looks deep fried. Hopefully all crisp like a chip."

"Euphemism? The college girl is using big words now." She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and moved the thing in her fingers until it brushed against her lips. Shego opened her mouth and tried to get it all in one bite.

"College grad," Kim reminded her as Shego chewed. "Starting grad school this fall. And I'm trying my best to distract you."

"Ain't that much distraction in the world."

"Glass of water a little further away than the plate... Little to the right... There."

"Thanks," Shego muttered and washed down the arachnid.

Shego was shaking more, Kim wondered if the green woman would be able to finish or not. "You're doing fine."

"I don't need your encouragement, or your lies. Let's finish this," Shego snarled.

Shego finished the scorpions. "Will the frog be the same problem?" asked Steve, "Can you open your eyes?"

"Frog legs are fine," Shego grumbled. "No idea about a cooked frog. I'm not opening my eyes. I can't look at Kim."

The frog proved harder to eat without looking than the scorpions, but Shego managed.

"Napkin is to the left of the plate," Kim told her.

"Thanks. Can I open my–"

"Not yet. A waiter is coming over with a box to remove my accessories."

"Accessories," Shego snorted, "that's even dumber than appetizers."

Kim could tell Shego was trying to sound tough. She could also see that the woman was an emotional wreck: sweating and trembling. Kim said a quick prayer that this would be the day's last event.

Her prayers were answered when the Route Marker directed them to find the Wat Chedi Luang for the leg's Pit Stop.

Phil gave Shego a worried look, "Are you okay?"

The green woman didn't have the strength to answer.

"We're just tired," Kim told him. "Really, really, really tired."

"Okay... Does she need a doctor?"

"Jus' sleep," Shego mumbled, hoping it would be enough. She was covered with sweat and her hands were still trembling.

"You're team number three."

"The old guys?" mumbled Shego.

"Team Experience was number two."

Shego and Kim headed for the hotel. "You were great today," Kim told Shego as they shared the elevator.

"You're lying," Shego told her, "and you suck at it."

"No, seriously," Kim insisted.

Shego wondered why Kim was following her to her room. "I think your room's that way."

"I'm sleeping with you tonight."

"What."

"I'm holding you. Think of me as your personal security blanket."

"I don't need you. I don't need anyone!"

"Can you even get the door to your room unlocked?"

Shego's hands were shaking so badly she couldn't.

Kim took the key and opened the door. "Get in bed," Kim ordered. She lay down beside the older woman and spooned her, holding Shego tight.

Half of Shego wanted to order Kim back to her own room. Shego didn't need anyone, let alone this teen... Former teenager. The other half of Shego, the one that needed to be held, kept Shego's mouth firmly shut, out of fear Kim might leave.