Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Challenges in this week's leg of the race are based on the eleventh leg of a race in season 17. As usual, the order of events may be changed to protect the innocent.

Russ Morgan's 1949 Cruising Down the River has absolutely nothing to do with whitewater rafting. But it was one of the 78s we played out of grandpa's farm when I was a kid.

Cruising Down the River

Another rest day. And contestants and crew slept late.

Kim's movements awakened Shego. The green woman yawned and stretched. "You're not going to make a habit of this, are you?"

"Forcing myself into your room?"

"Yeah. You're lucky I didn't punch you."

"You said I'd get mad and punch you first, remember?"

"I wasn't planning for you to see how far you could push me."

"I wasn't trying to make you mad."

Shego chuckled, "You do it so well. You're a natural."

"I, uh, guess I should apologize. I... It just felt good holding you the other night. And... Did it feel good for you?"

"Look, Cupcake, the other day I was a basket case. I was in a million pieces and you picked them up and glued them back together. I appreciate what you–"

"I asked if it felt good to you?"

"You're really trying to get me to throw the first punch, aren't you?"

"No I'm not! I asked a simple question. And you start off on some psychological ramble about–"

Shego pointed at Kim and mimed zipping her mouth closed. Kim fell silent. "It felt good. It doesn't give you the right to barge into my room any time you want."

Kim stuck out her hand, she and Shego shook in agreement. "Can I talk now?"

Shego rolled her eyes, "You just did."

"Just a reminder. If you want me, just whistle," Kim offered. "You know how to whistle, don't you, Shego? You just put your lips together and ... blow."

Shego closed her eyes, "Out of my room now."

"Breakfast in half an hour?"

"Fine, just leave quietly and I won't call a hero to come rescue me."

Mary came over to sit with them at breakfast. She looked at Shego "Uh, one of the camera guys says he saw Kim going into your room last night."

"Shouldn't believe everything you hear."

"So it isn't true?"

"Of course it's true," Kim assured her.

"Pumpkin!" protested Shego.

"I'm just telling the truth. I went into your room last night."

"Where in the rules does it say you need to be honest?"

"Cheating is–"

"And a lie in the mouth is worth two in the bush. II Assumptions, chapter three verse eleven. Didn't know I could quote Scripture, did you Cupcake? And now, to change the subject," she looked at Mary, "what pair is no longer with us?"

"Ipo-Ipo and Saikoro. it was kind of... I guess sabotage... You want the story?"

"If you're going to start it way," Kim told her, "Shego will probably threaten you if you don't tell us."

"Okay, there were three teams on the last flight to arrive yesterday. They all got in taxis, and the driver for the Filipino, the Japanese guy, and Steve, our camera guy, stranded them out in the middle of nowhere! I mean, none of them know the city so they didn't know where they were going, so he drives them out and says, 'This is the place!' They jump out and he tears off."

"Was it some kind of robbery attempt?" wondered Shego.

"Steve had video of the driver. Taxi company identified him. He heard Saikoro was Japanese... He had a great-uncle or something who was killed in the massacre at Alexandra Military Hospital."

"Massacre at Alexandra Military Hospital?"

"We looked it up. When the Japanese took over Singapore they butchered the wounded patients and staff of the British military hospital."

"Never heard of it."

"Too many massacres to hear about them all. The Japanese don't talk about them – but a lot of the Chinese, Koreans, Filipinos do. There were probably some in in Burma and Vietnam too."

"So, they're out even though they were sabotaged?"

"We're finding a lot of things on this race we haven't seen before. I've got no idea on how they'll present that on the show. I mean, you don't want to embarrass the Japanese and–"

"Even if they murdered wounded patients in a hospital?"

"That was years ago... But I hear the Japanese leave a lot of the details out in their school history books."

"Pretty sure we leave a lot of history out of the grade school textbooks in the US also."

Ipo-Ipo said good-bye to the heroes and a couple of the camera people he'd worked with before he and his 'partner' left for Malta.

Shortly after the departure of the Filipino Kim casually asked Shego, "So, uh, what do you want to do today."

"Umzingeli and I are going down to the beach. She's hot, and tough. Wonder if she wants a partner."

Shego smiled at a faint note of sadness in Kim's, "Oh..."

"Actually, Princess, Umzingeli was talking to the concierge about beaches. Siloso is supposed to be nice. Hawi wants to hear about times Team Go whipped Electronique's ass, but mostly a bunch of us are going to lie around and drink fruity things. Mary and a bunch of other camera women will be there. No cameras. Wanna come?"

Kim grinned, "You are so evil."

"Thanks. I take it that's a yes?"

Ron and some of the men of the camera crew were on the beach as well. Camera crew who had filmed earlier seasons told anecdotes of earlier teams, and complained about how the murder in Spain had disrupted the first several days.

"The Spies," as Zelimkhanov's agents were referred to, were now considered the most likely suspects in the murder of the Russian.

A lawyer on the legal team smiled, but said nothing as the murder was discussed. She smiled not because of the murder, but the news that two of "the spies" had been arrested in Singapore. The charges had been mundane. But Singapore did not recognize the existence of the Worker's Paradise of Qakhatala, so there was no embassy to call for assistance. Legally they were regarded as citizens of Russia, and carried Russian passports. But to call the Russian embassy for help would have brought the wrath of Zelimkhanov down upon them at their release. Sitting in jail for a few days seemed the safest course of action. The lawyer wasn't certain how many of the criminals in the race had learned the real motive for the race, but she was contractually obligated not to mention it to anyone and took it seriously. She comforted herself with, "Not sure how many of them would even understand the humor in the situation."

Shego knocked loudly on Kim's door the next morning, "Move that cute little ass, Princess! Time's a wasting."

Kim opened the door, "You're in a disgustingly happy mood today. You've realized you love me?"

"I'm feeling great. Today is the day we whip the old guys for real. And no, I don't love you. However, if you chose to pine away for unrequited love for me, you have my permission to do so."

"Thanks. I need to finish putting my shoes on. Wait for me or I'll find you at breakfast?"

"I can wait."

It was a relatively short hop to Seoul's Incheon International Airport. A chartered flight brought all contestants to South Korea at once. The competition and filming would not begin until they arrived so partners were not required to stay near each other. Some of the pairs were still antagonistic towards each other. Hego and Drakken, and Cat and Tarantula were teams whose members separated themselves as far apart as possible in the plane. The partners in Team Experience, like Team Cupcake, stayed near each other – having developed a good, or at least acceptable, working relationship. The Tarantula may have suspected Shego's fear. He stayed toward the front of the plane, assuring that Shego stayed in the rear.

Inside the terminal at Seoul all teams were handed instructions: drive towards North Korea to the Seung-il Bridge in the Korean Demilitarized Zone. At the bridge they'd transfer to a raft and go whitewater rafting down the Hantan River to a marked location where they catch a ride on a Humvee to Camp Casey in Dongducheon where they'd find the next Route Marker.

"Fun so far," Kim chirped as she studied the map and gave Shego directions. "I love whitewater rafting, how about you?"

"Stop calling down the evil eye," warned Shego.

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Define 'really believe'. We haven't had a day of fun yet."

"You haven't had fun with anything so far?"

"Well, not a day of fun. Watching Hego destroy the punching bag was entertaining. I liked the elephants. But there's always been something like basket weaving to make life miserable." After a moment of silence Shego mused, "Today might be fun."

"How so?"

"Electronique and water do not mix. Hopefully we're nowhere around if she goes in the water."

Their cameraman stopped filming. He grabbed his phone and called the technical staff. "Big trouble if Electronique gets wet!" He listened for a couple minutes and breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, she mentioned the problem. They're finding a rubber wet-suit for her. She thinks that'll be enough."

"Might be. But I'm hoping Princess and I are long gone before she gets in any water."

Three other taxis were parked where Team Cupcake's driver pulled over.

At the bridge Kim and Shego scrambled down the bank to the river, helping their cameraman at a couple of the rough spots.

"The old guys have already left," Ron called.

"Are you taking Rufus with you?"

"Nah, he and Kong are going to travel by car to the next spot."

Hego stepped over, "I warned them about Electronique," he told Shego.

"Would have been more fun if you... I told them too."

Hego grinned, "There is still a hero inside you, fighting to get out."

Shego rubbed her knuckles after hitting her brother in the mouth. "Why do I keep forgetting you're invulnerable?"

The rafting crew were working to find a raft large enough to handle's Hego's mass as the women prepared to get in their own raft.

"Which one of you is wearing the GoPro?" a Race crew technician asked the women.

Kim glanced over and saw Ron wearing a helmet as he and Fist climbed into a raft, a second raft was going in at the same time.

"We need one? Isn't Kole going to be in the raft with us?"

"Nah, we want film of just the two of you on the raft. Kole will be with Baek-hyun," the man raised his voice, "Baek-hyun?" and a Korean turned and nodded to them. "He knows the river. Kole will film you, but we also want footage from the two of you in the raft. So, who gets the helmet with the camera?"

"Give the damn thing to Princess here. Let her worry about."

"So I have an excuse to keep looking at you?" grinned Kim.

"Gimme the damn thing then," Shego grumbled and took the helmet and camera.

"And remember to stay close so I can film you," Kole reminded them.

Baek-hyun reminded Kole, "Depends on how the river behaves. I know it better than they do. I won't get too far ahead."

Kole, having worked with Kim and Shego before, had faith in their ability. He trusted the Korean knew his job, but he would be steering by himself as Kole filmed and that could give Team Cupcake an edge.

As they started through whitewater Kim laughed, "Isn't this fun."

"Yeah," Shego agreed with a laugh of her own. "I bet they edit Kole's screams out if they use this."

"He's almost as loud as Drakken."

"But not as shrill."

"We are getting further away than we're supposed to, should we–"

"Hell no. We blame the current. Besides, I'm getting you on film."

"Filming my good side?" Kim teased.

"I'm staring at your ass, if that's what you mean."

Kim and Shego pulled ashore at their destination a full minute before Baek-hyun and Kole arrived. "Somebody else take them," the cameraman panted, "I'm done for the day."

Team Experience and Team Monkey were already gone.

Kim helped the crew secure the raft as Shego read new details.

"Where are the Humvees?" the green woman demanded.

A worker gestured in the direction Kim and Shego were to go. "Can I drive?" Kim asked as she finished working.

"We get chauffeured, to Camp Casey in Dongducheon," explained Shego. The older woman lowered her voice, "You sure I got a pardon? Are they going to..."

"The race was set up before you were drafted, remember?"

"That's what you say," Shego grumbled.

"You've got an awfully high opinion of yourself," sniffed Kim, "if you think all this was set up just to trap you." She patted Shego's rear. "Let's move."

"Did anyone get Kim slapping Shego's ass?" called Kole.

"It was a pat, not a slap," Kim insisted. "And I can do it again if you missed taping it."

Shego growled, "Take your own advice. Move it, Cupcake."

"What does the Route Marker say about–"

"It says haul ass and let your partner read the details to you in the Humvee."

As they rode to the army base Shego scanned the directions again. "How good is your Korean?"

"Non-existent."

"That means we're dead even. Want to flip a coin to–"

"Can you tell me what we're doing?"

"We're going to a parade ground, and two hundred soldiers will be doing Taekwon-Do. And, headbands will be tied around the head of each of those two hundred soldiers. And something different will be written on each of those headbands on the heads of two hundred soldiers. And–"

"Can you speed up the story?"

"I thought you liked my dulcet tones."

"Fine, take your time."

"Roadblock. One of us is handed a headband. We need to find the guy with the exact same headband. Get it right, get the next directions. Get is wrong and get handed a new headband and start over trying to find it in the crowd."

"Camp is just ahead," their driver called back.

"Good– Damn," exclaimed Shego, "there goes Team Monkey. Fist probably knows Korean."

Team experience was getting ready to leave as the women flipped a coin to determine who would handle the Roadblock.

"Third place isn't bad," Kim assured Shego as the older woman got ready to play find-the-headband.

"Yeah, but we don't have it yet. And maybe someone's ahead of Team Fossil."

"No way. We've got third at least!"

Kim watched nervously. Shego's first two attempts had been rushed and ended in failure. The pale woman was being more careful for her third attempt. While she waited two more teams arrived. Drakken waited with Kim while Hego tried to find the matching headband. Kim felt utterly confident in Shego's ability to finish faster than her brother. And, in an even greater stroke of good fortune, When Team Hispanic arrived El Gato Negro chose to find the headband, so Tarantula and his spiders remained away from Shego.

The masked man extended a hand holding a spider, toward Kim. "Would you like to hold my friend?"

Kim didn't want to handle the spider, but didn't want to appear afraid. "Sure," she told him and held out a hand. The spider timidly crawled over to Kim's hand. "Is he poisonous?"

"She," he corrected Kim. Kim decided not to ask how you could tell the difference. "A little. When they're that big they can overpower their prey."

After a few minutes Kim got over the worst of her disgust. "She's very interesting," Kim admitted as she watched the arachnid crawl along her arm. Interesting seemed like a safe word. Seeing the huge spider up close was interesting. But there wasn't enough money in the world to make her say the hairy thing was cute. "But you'd better take her back, I think Shego has our Route Marker."

Returning to Seoul the women and Kole's replacement found a taxi,

"Yeouido Hanging Park," Shego barked.

"Big park," he warned. "Runs a long way by the Han River. Any particular point you want to–"

"Do you know where there is a statue of an airplane?"

"Sure, and a shortcut!" He risked a traffic ticket as he sped along, trying to show off his driving skills to the women.

Kim and Shego hoped they were the first to arrive at the park. Kim tore open the Route Marker envelope.

"Detour! Full Throttle or Full Bottle?"

"If the full bottle is chugging a bottle of saké, or whatever they drink here, I want details, Pumpkin."

"Well, I was going to describe them, but someone interrupted me."

Shego turned to the cameraman, "Hey, stop interrupting."

Kim rolled her eyes. "She's kidding. Full Throttle is goint to the Mokdong Ice Rink... Hey that was a Winter Olympic venue!"

"The directions, Cupcake. Now you're interrupting yourself."

"Ice rink, put on speed skating suits, two-person relay around track. Twenty-four laps."

"Piece of cake. Full Bottle?"

"Go to Namdaemun Market, put on delivery uniforms, and take six large class jars of ginseng roots to some health center, and then we each drink of bottle of ginseng tonic... How's your skating? That would be my choice."

An attendant at the Mokdong rink helped them into suits. "You two look like you could be Olympic athletes," she complimented them.

"Are we the first ones here?" Shego asked.

The woman wasn't supposed to answer, but did, "Yes."

"But the other teams might be doing the Full Bottle," Kim reminded Shego.

As the women finished Kim told Shego, "Don't tell me that wasn't fun."

"Fun... Harder than I... Damn, that's a longer track than I expected.

Shego ripped open the envelope they were handed. "Temple of Heaven."

The women could see Team Experience on their way to the temple as the taxi stopped.

"Run," Shego barked, "we're faster than they are."

The men started walking faster as they became aware of Team Cupcake, but didn't attempt to run as the women sprinted past them. On the mat of the Pit Stop Shego pumped her fist in victory. "We beat them!"

"Where's your cameraman?" asked Phil.

Kim pointed down the path. Their camera man, carrying pounds of equipment, trailed Team Experience.

"Sorry," Phil told them, "but you need to step off the mat. You can't finish without your crew."

Bat and Senior stepped on the mat, to be told. "I'm happy to inform you that you are team number two to arrive."

"Danke schön," the Austrian answered.

Kim could hear Shego grinding her teeth as their cameraman arrived.

"Ron and Monkey Fist?" Kim asked when Phil congratulated them on third place.

"Yes, but only a few minutes. Did you see them as you got here?"

"No, we missed them."

With the cameras off Phil told them, "Special announcement tonight. Ten o'clock or when the last team comes in – whichever comes first."

"Can give us a hint?"

Phil grinned, "I heard about your pool. You can find out who won."

Umzingeli had never worked well with her partner. The tall, lean African constantly criticized the short and stocky Jackie Oakes for being too slow. The wrestling promoter didn't even attempt to hide his smug grin when they reached the hotel after elimination. "Miss I-can-do-anything-faster-than-you kept screwing up on the headbands," he crowed.

"At least I'm don't have to see you again," she shot back.

An assistant producer made the announcement.

"Spanish police announced an arrest today in the murder of Ivan Kuznetsov–"

"Was it the Falcon guy?" shouted someone.

The producer frowned, "Your pool was in very poor taste, and there will be no reference to it in the broadcast episodes. We would appreciate it if there was no discussion of your pool during filming. But, in answer to your question, I doubt anyone of you would recognize the name of the Spanish hotel worker responsible. He grandmother lost her life savings to a scammer pretending to be bank official. She gave out her account numbers of the phone."

"Ironic, of course," Die Fledermaus commented dryly, "since the Russian never worked that scam. He started out spamming before moving into ransomware."

Money in the pool was divided among those who'd chosen "None of the above" and the crew and contestants headed for bed.