Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

The pieces for this chapter are all from season 29, episode 8 of the Amazing Race. Only the order of events has been changed to protect the innocent. In the real episode teams did not arrive in Bari from Asia.

Make Haste Slowly

The contestants were awakened at an ungodly hour. Shego found Kim waiting in the dining room, eating breakfast. "Why do I think this is going to be a long day?"

"Because we haven't had a short one yet?"

"That too."

"Uh, word of warning. Hego's heading over," Kim informed Shego. There was a note of surprise in her voice as she added, "And he's carrying a cell phone!"

Shego raised an eyebrow, "Thanks for the warning. You didn't think he knew how to use a cell phone?"

"Contestants can't use them. They collected all our phones before the race."

"Those of us in prison didn't have–"

The voice of doom asked, "Shego?"

Shego grimaced and turned to answer her brother, "Yes?"

He held out the phone, "It's Mom."

Shego couldn't have looked more timid reaching out to take it if the phone had been a rattlesnake. In fact, she might have been more willing to pick up the snake. "Look Mom, he's a tattle-tale! Okay, I hit him, but you know I can't hurt him and he– ... What do you mean? He didn't tell you I hit him? Then why– ... Uh, Mom? I, ah, need a spot with a little more privacy for this, I'm going to move. ... No, I'm not hanging up on you, I'll talk while I find a spot where I'm comfortable, Okay?" Shego made small talk as she left the table and hurried out of the dining room holding the phone to her ear.

Hego sat down at the table with Kim.

"She called you a tattle-tale?"

"She thought I told Mom that she hit me yesterday."

"It just seems sort of a, I don't know, a childish thing to say."

"Force of habit, I imagine. She's been calling me one for years."

"Uh, Hego, you know we aren't supposed to be using our phones."

"It wasn't my phone, and I got a special waiver. Heroes follow the rules. After Mego was eliminated he was able to get his phone back. He said it was a family emergency, and called Mom to say Shego was here. I'll bet she's been badgering the network for days to get through. They probably just let me take the phone over to Sis to get Mom off their backs."

"She sounds like a persistent woman."

"Mom? She is," Hego assured Kim. There was a minute of uncomfortable silence before Hego cleared his throat. "Er, Kim? I, ah... Okay, this may sound... There are people talking and, ah, what's going on with you and Sis?"

"What do you mean?"

"Some of the crew are saying... They think you're hitting on my sister."

"I, uh... I'm not hitting on her! Well, maybe I little. It's just... You know she saved my life several times don't you?"

"I heard, it's just... I thought you and Ron..."

Kim sighed, "Ron is still my best friend. College is a is a time to find out more who you are, without the expectations of parents and society. There was this epiphany where–"

Hego's eyes opened wide in shock, "You went to an epiphany! You're a hero, a role model! You had no business going–"

"Do you know what epiphany means?" asked Kim.

"No," Hego admitted.

"It means a revelation, discovering something you didn't know before."

Hego tried very hard to look thoughtful, "So... is learning what epiphany means an epiphany for me?"

"It usually means something bigger than adding to your vocabulary. Anyway, I found out... The funny thing? Ron said he'd started to suspect I liked girls better than I did guys before I knew it myself. I don't know why people think he's not that smart. I mean, his grades were terrible, but he can be insightful."

"So... You and Sis?"

"I, ah, don't know. I think maybe I could get to like her."

"Don't take advantage of her."

"Take advantage? How would I–"

"She's probably vulnerable right now. She just got out of prison. Give her some time to find what she wants for herself."

The redhead thought frantically as Hego spoke. Could she be taking advantage of Shego? She planned to tell Hego that Shego would not let anyone take advantage of her. Was it true? She hoped that would reassure Shego's big brother.

Hego's speech, and the reply Kim had been formulating were cut off by the return of Shego with a plate of food. She tossed the cell phone to Hego. "Mom says after this is over I'm coming home with you and Mego."

"Mom asked you to come home with us?"

"Ask?" The green woman snorted, "she doesn't know the meaning of the word." Shego rolled her eyes before looking at Kim, "My mom doesn't ask, she tells. I've met your Mom. Mine's worse."

"There's nothing wrong with my mother!"

"Is she always right?"

"Yes, but–"

"You, or your Dad, or your brothers ever win an argument with her?"

"No, but–"

"And, if she can't beat you into submission with reason does she use guilt against you?"

Kim hesitated. "I don't know if she'd use guilt or not. We always cave in fast to her reasons."

"Mom had to pull out the guilt gun this time. I had to promise at least four days at home before she'll unground me and let me–"

Hego stood, "Only four days of grounding? After–"

"Well, at least. I'm hoping for a minimum sentence for good behavior."

"You?" sniffed Hego, then left to return the phone.

Kim laughed, "You can still be grounded?"

"If your Mom told you that you were grounded, what would you–"

"Enough said."

"Good. Let's drop it. She's probably out getting a stack of Bibles for me to swear on, promising to stay honest."

"Glad you didn't say stay straight."

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Hey, while you were gone Hego was grilling me on my intentions towards you."

Shego moved the plate to one side and laid her head down on the table, "Could this day get any worse?"

"Shego?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Do you remember how you warned me about bringing down the evil eye?"

"Oh, Gawd, I just did– Hego asked your intentions toward me, really?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"Everyone else does, why not you. What did you tell him?"

"I kind a stammered something lame and he started warning me not to take advantage of you."

"You think you're woman enough to take advantage of me?"

"I... I'm not sure. Am I... Some people are saying I'm hitting on you."

"Feels like it to me. Not that I'm complaining. It's flattering in some dark and twisted way. You didn't think you were hitting on me?"

"I'm not sure." Kim laughed nervously and changed the subject, "Hego reminds me of Ron."

"'Cause they're both idiots?"

"Maybe that too, but I'm thinking they both have big hearts and care about the people they love – they don't want them to be hurt."

Shego raised her head from the table and stared at Kim. "You might be right."

"Of course I'm right. Now, let's be team number one today!"

It was still dark as the bus stopped at the Seoul airport. Mary was again with Team Cupcake, along with Stan. "Rumor has a long leg," she whispered in warning. Probably won't be over 'til tomorrow afternoon or night."

"Where're we going?" asked Kim.

"Europe."

Kim was about to point out that Europe was a large continent with a number of countries and ask for something more specific when the teams were told, "You need to get tickets to the Karol Wojtyła Airport, it's in Bari, Italy."

There were no direct flights. There were one flight with a single layover, which was sixteen hours in Munich. So effectively there were no flights with a single layover. Teams scrambled to work with ticketing agents to find the fastest connecting flights possible.

The remaining teams were spread over four flights from Seoul. Assuming everything went as scheduled they would arrive in Bari in three flights (contestants who had left on two different flights would share a flight from Rome to Bari) spread out over almost four hours.

Kim and Shego left on a flight with Team Hispanic. Shego had not been aware of that or would have demanded a different flight. The spiders were not in evidence, but Shego seemed nervous, "There're somewhere on the plane," she whispered.

"They're probably in some terrarium or something in an overhead bin."

"What if they're not? What if he's got them in a pocket or something? What if they get out during the flight... That's dangerous! People will panic, the crew will lose control! The pilots–"

Kim reached over and gently captured Shego's lips between thumb and forefinger. "How about I go back and ask, okay?"

"Yeah, like you can trust anything a crook says," Shego retorted when her lips were freed.

"Deep, slow breaths until I get back," Kim advised.

"Miss, you should return to your seat," a member of the flight crew told Kim as Kim went to talk to Cat and Tarantula.

"I just have a fast question for a friend in the back. I'll be back in one minute."

"You'd better be, we're about to leave."

Mary leaned forward and asked Shego, "Everything okay? Why's Kim going back? There were bathrooms in the–"

"Question for her buddy, the Black Cat."

Kim returned as the captain reminded everyone to fasten their seat belts. Mary asked, "You needed to talk with El Gato Negro?"

"Shego is concerned about safety. She wanted to make sure those big spiders didn't cause anyone to panic."

"I wondered about that... Someone who filmed them on an earlier flight said they were registered service animals."

"Seriously?"

"Apparently there are, quote psychologists unquote, who'll call anything a service animal if you slip them enough money. I think the network paid for Kong and Rufus. Maybe they did for the spiders too."

By flying West they gained several hours, and were scheduled to reach Bari in mid-afternoon. "But we don't know how much we need to do when we get there," Kim pointed out. "Better try and get some sleep."

Shego saw no point in arguing. Banking shuteye seemed like a good idea. And they'd been called from their beds far too early that morning. And, if they were asleep she didn't have to talk with Kim. And, while she wouldn't yet admit it, even to herself, Shego was starting to enjoy the feel of Kim's body against her. The older woman yawned. "Is it my turn to lean against you, or your turn to lean against me?"

"Badical idea, I put my arm around you and we lean against each other!"

Despite knowing there were two huge spiders somewhere in the back of the plane Shego managed to fall asleep.

Two connecting flights later they landed in Rome. Kim called a reminder to the other team "One hour layover, we need to move."

Team Sparks had arrived in Rome a little earlier, and were waiting at the gate.

"Crap," Shego muttered. "Electronique and Tarantula? Could this day get–"

"Don't say it," Kim warned. "Don't say it!"

Shego forced a broad, artificial smile, "Could this day possibly get any more wonderful? I get to keep my friends close and my enemies closer!"

"Am I your friend?" Kim chirped.

"No, you're one of the enemies."

"So... You want me closer? Need a hug?"

"Princess, I am giving you a promotion. You now have the status of friend."

"Good, 'cause I'd hate to think you were sleeping with an enemy. Hey, does friend status mean I can give you hugs?"

The thief shrugged, "Yeah, it does," and hugged Kim.

They arrived in Bari, only to find a Route Marker directing them to take a ferry from Italy to Patras, Greece.

"Whoever designed this race was a fucking sadist," Shego muttered as they rode to Bari's port to find the ferry.

"Hey, you're getting a pardon out of it."

"Yeah, I'm willing to suffer for a pardon. How do they find average people willing to put themselves through hell like this?"

"The possibility of a million dollars."

"True, never underestimate the power of greed."

There was a large passenger waiting area for the ferry, part of which was out of doors. Monkey Fist and Señor Senior were smoking cigars as Team Cupcake arrived. Ron called, "Hey, KP, you made it! Ferry leaves in, like fifteen minutes! I think they've got all the cars loaded."

"I assume Team Blue will miss the ferry," Die Fledermaus observed. "Their plane is not scheduled to land for another hour."

"And the next ferry?" Shego asked.

"Not for hours. But one of the teams in this ferry might still lose."

"Any chance they're ahead of us?" asked Kim.

"Miss Possible," the Austrian reminded her. "Planes are only delayed, they are never early."

Shego's question was, "How long does this ferry take to get to Greece."

"They told me about seventeen hours," Ron answered. He asked Shego, "Want to play cards on the ferry? It frustrates Rufus he can't hold his cards."

"Uh, think I'll pass."

"KP?"

"You'll have to teach me the rules, but sure. I'll play a few hands. Then Shego and I need a little more sleep, we're exhausted."

"What have you two been–"

"Nothing," Shego said too quickly, and too loudly.

"Hush, Dear, or viewers will think you protest too much."

"Fine," grumbled Shego. "Do we still have that stupid twenty foot rule?"

One of the cameramen answered, "Yep."

Señor Senior had heard the card suggestion and proposed a table for poker in the passenger lounge.

After playing a few hands of whist Kim felt she had a good understanding of the game, but agreed with Ron that Kong might be cheating. She was certain she had noticed the monkey dealing off the bottom of the deck at one point.

Cards lasted a few hours, then contestants tried to find comfortable positions in which to sleep.

"There are sleeping berths," Shego complained, "but are we allowed to use them? No. I told you that sadists designed this damn thing."

"Quiet down," warned Kim, "or I'll use Ron for a pillow and you can try and get comfortable with Monty."

"And risk fleas?"

Shego spooned Kim closely, "This could get habit forming," she confessed.

"Would it be so bad?" whispered Kim. "And I'm not fattening!"

Shego chuckled and cuddled closer. Despite the limited space they both slept very well.

The ferry arrived at the Patras dock at noon. Ron looked at the signs with dismay, "I can't read any of these! They're all Greek to me."

Monkey Fist grunted in disgust, "The signs are Greek to everyone."

"Oh... Then I don't feel so bad."

At the Kaplanis Taverna they were presented with a Detour.

"For the Bride or For the Groom," Kim read out loud, then quickly scanned the directions. "And you're right."

"Of course. About what?"

"Someone with a sadistic streak."

"Gimme the details."

"For the Bride. We take two containers of sheep milk, on a donkey, to a cheese maker. We trade milk cans for two cheeses–"

"Probably huge."

"I would assume. And get directions on how to find the bride to deliver them to. Then we start breaking plates to find our next route marker."

"To the Groom any better?"

"Doesn't sound like it. We race against locals up two-hundred and fifty-two steps to some Church of Saint George, where we're given a sheep and a goat to deliver to the groom. Then the breaking plates thing again."

"So... Basically it's the choice between being poked in the left eye with a sharp stick, or being poked in the right eye with a sharp stick?"

"That's how it sounds to me. I think we could do the steps, but I'd rather deal with one animal that two. I vote bride."

"May as well, doesn't matter to me."

Team Experience went with "To the Bride" also. The two men were feeling their age at this point, not that they would admit it to anyone, and running up a mountain of step was not appealing. Teams Sparks, Monkey, and Hispanic thought the run would be faster.

While Shego enjoyed being away from Tarantula and Electronique she wondered if they might have taken the better choice. "Now I know what they mean about stubborn as a donkey," she complained as she attempted to get the recalcitrant beast moving.

"The expression is stubborn as a mule," Kim corrected her. "A mule is an offspring of a donkey and a horse, so the stubborn may come from the donkey side."

"So mules are bastards... This thing sure is."

They observed Senior finding a small patch of grass along the stony street, pulling it up, and offering it to their donkey – which started to follow the billionaire as he slowly walked ahead – the hand with the grass extended to the donkey. Shego quickly ran to find some grass to offer their own beast of burden and soon both teams were moving without too much difficulty.

Kim laughed, "If Hego were here he'd probably pick up the donkey and carry it."

Team Cupcake's donkey proved slightly faster than that of Team Experience, and they traded the milk for two cheeses as large as they'd expected before the second team arrived at the cheesemaker's shop. The young women felt confident they'd increase their lead by the time they handed over the cheese.

Meanwhile, those who'd chosen "To the Groom," discovered that racing up a flight of stone steps the equivalent of a ten story building was worse than they had imagined, and handling the sheep and goat much worse.

Kim and Shego could see Senior and the Bat a hundred yards behind them as they were led to a huge stack of plates. "Your Route Marker is in a plate," a man explained. "You will break one at a time, but only when the music is playing." He nodded as a small group of musicians. "Understood."

The band would play a few seconds, then stop for a few seconds. Kim and Shego stared hard at the growing pile of smashed dinnerware at their feet. Team Experience had turned in their cheese when Shego exclaimed, "Found it!" and picked the paper out of the mess.

Shego tore open the envelope as workers cleared the floor for Team Experience to have their own plate breaking experience. "God damn it!"

"You're a very difficult woman to please, what is it this time?" Kim asked.

"I'll bet Athens has an airport. If they wanted us in Athens why didn't we just fly in yesterday instead of that ferry ride?"

"Let me guess, we're supposed to head to Athens?"

"Yep."

"How?"

"Drive," Shego answered. She looked around the saw the sign, "that way. Today it's beauty before age."

Team Cupcake guessed they were the first to start the drive to Athens. They had no idea how far the two men would be behind them. "Want me to drive to–"

"No, I'm going to get us a bigger lead."

Their cameraman filmed Shego's interaction with the police officer who had pulled them over for speeding. At mid-point during the lecture Señor Senior honked as they drove past. Die Fledermaus waved to them. Shego waved back, with one finger – which the police officer took as directed to him.

At the end of the longer, second lecture on the importance of polite gestures the police allowed them to resume driving. During the second lecture Team Sparks passed by. Electronique drove, but Hawi waved cheerfully. Kim waved back, and the green woman wisely kept her finger to herself. Shego had received only a warning, but it was a warning that officers on the route would be alerted and that a second incident would result in arrest.

"Should I drive?" asked Kim.

Shego clenched her teeth. Which would be worse, listening to Kim grind gears or knowing she couldn't go over the speed limit? "I'll keep driving. I won't speed."

Kim recognized the other woman's dilemma. "Sure? How's your self control?"

"I haven't hit you, yet. Have I?"

"Or kissed me," Kim laughed.

"DON'T TAPE THAT," Shego shouted.

Shego kept a death grip on the steering wheel as Team Monkey passed them on the road. She wanted badly to hit the gas. Five minutes later they passed Ron and Monkey Fist on the side of the road. The English lord was receiving his own lecture on the dangers of speed.

Finding the Zappeion in Athens was far easier than finding a place to park the car.

Kim opened the Route Marker, "Roadblock. We're going to find the Greek Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and–"

"Location?"

"Apparently just around the corner. Don't need to move the car. One of us–"

"Meaning you. I drove."

"Fine. It's called Who Wants to Step in Time? I need to learn the routine the Evzones, presidential guards, do at the changing of the guards at the tomb. Sounds like a piece of cake."

"Yeah, so did basket weaving. We've got to stop inviting the evil eye."

Neither Team Experience nor Team Sparks was at the Tomb.

"Still number three," Shego muttered.

"We could be ahead of them."

"No way."

The former cheerleader found the march and steps for the ceremonial changing easier than some of her routines back in high school.

Shego actually grinned at Kim, "Good job," and raised her hand for a high five. The older woman tore open the Route Marker Kim had received. "We're doing a lap around the Panathenaic Stadium... I think we passed that looking for a place to park – it's through the garden there on the other side."

Kim read the next Route Marker a few minutes later. "Need to find the Areopagus... I think it's mentioned in the book of Acts or something."

"Details. Where is it?"

"Street map. We're supposed to walk it, but it doesn't look too bad... Not as bad as finding a place to park."

Athens predated the idea that streets should be straight. The distance was not great, but finding the path was confusing. As the women gained confidence they saw Team Experience a short way ahead, taking the course at a stroll.

Shego turned to the man filming them, "Move your ass," she ordered. "Kim?"

The two women with their cameraman started jogging.

Senior saluted as they went past, "Stop and enjoy the city. It is a beautiful day." The two men were feeling tired and were trying to conserve their strength.

The Pit Stop awaited, Kim stepped onto the mat, but Shego didn't. Kim and those filming were curious.

"What's going on?" asked Kim.

"Remember the other day? They insulted us by not finishing when they could, they were condescending. I say we let them finish before us."

"But Shego, you've been saying you wanted to beat them!"

"Yeah, but everyone will know we beat them."

"Fine," Kim murmured and stepped to the side.

Team Experience refused to finish before the women. "How about we all jump on it together?" Kim suggested.

"An excellent idea," the Bat agreed. "Although I might suggest Shego stand on the mat, and the other three of us jump on. I don't trust her to follow the rules."

Shego protested, "I can follow rules!"

"But you don't," retorted Kim. "Stand on the mat."

Phil offered congratulations, "You are the first teams to arrive."

"Wait, what happened to the Sparks? They passed us on the drive."

Phil offered no explanation.

"C'mon," Kim urged Shego, "we'll find out later. Hey, the evil eye didn't blast us."

"Evil eye?" the Bat asked.

"Yeah, Kim keeps asking for it," explained Shego. "It must be having a off day, we've given it a couple chances to smite us down and lightning hasn't hit... Yet."

"Ah, well while we are in Athens you must purchase matohantros," advised Senior.

"What?"

"A time honored charm to drive away the evil eye. We are finished for the day. If we walk through the market we will surely find some for sale."

In the next hour both teams Monkey and Hispanic arrived at the pit stop. Hours later Team Blue arrived and were surprised to learn they had not been eliminated. A driver who knew the roads and highways of Greece was eventually dispatched to find and bring in Team Sparks.