Chapter 84 - Five Years
September, 2000
Sephiroth goes back silently.
He tells no one about Mariella's offer. Two more appointments are skipped before he decides. It has to be his decision. He knows what it will be like when he returns. It needs to be on his terms as much as he is allowed.
Angeal and Genesis don't try to convince him, thinking he is free of the labs. They know nothing as they laugh carefree around him. They don't know how it feels to be trapped here. They did not grow up here. They could leave and survive. Albeit the Turks would come after them but even that death, improbable as it feels, would be clean.
Sephiroth has to wonder if Shinra would even send men after him knowing that he would either crawl back or die within a month or two of escape. Is there a plan for that? Is there a file on a computer somewhere listing a general timeline of the decline of his body? They could just go search him out when he can no longer move, his body starved of the substances that keep it going?
He can see it. The way he would lay on a bed somewhere thrown halfway across the world, waiting for R&D to come, to haul him onto a gurney and drag him back. He might be in so much pain that he would be thankful for them. What would the first dose back feel like? Would it be euphoric? Would he cry in relief?
That haunts him.
Afterward, he is sure his remaining freedoms would be cut like threads.
When the third appointment comes, Sephiroth locks his computer early and prepares himself. It isn't a mako exposure by the description. It is just a physical examination and possibly an injection of a stabilizer if needed. They had stopped the exposure appointment scheduling. He half wonders why but he knows. It is too much work if he doesn't plan to come.
Alvar rises from his chair when he closes his office door.
"Sir-"
"I'll be off to my appointment." Sephiroth folds his jacket over his arm. "I doubt I will be back in for the rest of the workday."
He can see the concern bubbling in his assistant's face. He is breathing hard trying to find the right words to stop him. It twitches a warmth in him. Alvar sincerely doesn't want him to go.
"Go enjoy your day. Take the afternoon off as soon as you can." Sephiroth pauses. "I will see you tomorrow."
Disappointment breaks across Alvar's face as he drops his eyes to the table.
"I have to do this," Sephiroth says.
He nods and moves a pen in line with his keyboard. "Yes, sir."
Sephiroth taps the desk. "Alvar."
His attention snaps up.
"I will see you tomorrow."
He smiles but it doesn't change the worry behind his eyes. "Okay."
Sephiroth leaves before his feet betray him. He wishes he doesn't hear the whispered "be careful" that is sent after him.
R&D is surprised to see him but they hurry to accommodate him. Hojo is not present. Mariella is not here. He could not expect Mariella to coddle him for every appointment. Sephiroth cuts himself loose in his head as they hurry to take his vitals and new baselines before he decides to flee. He watches the muscles in his arms and fingers flex. They are strong enough to do damage. He could kill everyone here. He knows that. Yet it is years and years of life that stop him. The constraints are breakable but he cannot do it. It is impossible.
When he steps into one of these rooms, all that power is taken away.
His mako levels have become unstable due to his recent "mako crash" which is what they call going through extreme withdrawals alone on the floor. The assistant shows him numbers that mean nothing and then they inject something deep into his shoulder. The assistant makes him sit for ten minutes while he fills out forms. He waits for the pain. He waits for the overwhelming weakness. They will knock him out and drag him deeper into the building.
He waits for the trick.
None of it comes.
He leaves within two hours of arriving.
The idea of choice hangs in his head.
He has been back to see Orlin several times. It's odd to see a person so settled into enjoying the moments that he has left. There is a peace hanging over him. All his life, Sephiroth has been around people who have been fighting. They force their will upon the world, maiming and painting in blood until things look the way that they wish.
Orlin has stepped away from that. Even as he starts to slow, his humor is as sharp as it has even been. The weariness stacks on his back but he leans into it.
He's had a good run, Olrin had said and slapped Sephiroth on the shoulder, and now it was time for rest.
What must that be like?
Was that even possible for someone like Sephiroth?
When he turns his phone on, he finds that Genesis has knocked off early due to "an unreasonably long meeting about the qualities of leadership." It was the seminar that was for both Seconds and the Firsts. Sephiroth had skipped it because of the appointment.
He responds if there was anything useful in it.
Genesis responds immediately that it was all bullshit.
Sephiroth blinks and stills. The phone is steady in his hand. When his fingers type back, he does not hit the wrong keys. The elevator chimes his floor. It sounds clear in his ears, not wobbly or fuzzy as before. Sephiroth steps off. Had the shot been for his benefit only?
It is strange to feel his body run like a well oiled machine as he makes his way back to the apartment.
His phone is insistent. Genesis proposes a simulation battle to burn off the frustration and says that Angeal has already agreed.
Sephiroth types back agreement but only after he showered. The smell of chemicals is entrenched in his clothes and skin. Not the last of the lingering kisses he will receive from R&D but now he could see that there is possibly an end.
I will beat your ass flat this time.
He has to smile at that text as he turns on the water. Perhaps in a year from now, he could consider a different path. Maybe he could leave SOLDIER or take a leave of absence once the implant is in place. His face would be removed, a shame to the department, and he could cut his hair, change his appearance, move away from Midgar, start again, start anew, have an illusion of something else.
Perhaps he could stop fighting too.
The concept is as terrifying as it is thrilling. If Genesis and Angeal went with him, perhaps with time, it would be something else in him other than violence. They understood the outside world in a way that he did not.
You were used as an example three times, Sephiroth. THREE. SEPARATE. TIMES. SEPHIROTH THE HERO.
He could have five years.
Such bullshit.
Perhaps Angeal and Genesis would be willing to share with him.
Get ready for the worst fight of your life.
Sephiroth's fingers hover over that text. They are steady. It feels too good. It's a dream. It must be but the drug has cleared his head from fog he didn't know he had. He is less heavy. That feeling funnels into the future the implant secures for him.
He could get away from this life. He could start over with their help. Angeal has truly never left his side since their first mission together. His steadiness is something he could lean on. Genesis could be the man to spur him forward, the fire behind his heels, pushing him to try new things.
Sephiroth can feel the insecurity of this future. Without Shinra, he doesn't know how to exist. He's never signed a contract on an apartment. He doesn't know how to cook for himself. He doesn't know how to live.
Maybe they would be there for him again.
He trusted them to be and they've never let him down.
The phone calms as Genesis realizes that Sephiroth isn't coming back. He leaves the text message unanswered and shrugs out of the clothes to wash R&D from himself.
A fight in the simulation room sounds fun, perhaps almost relaxing.
He has come so far.
Maybe there is a different future out there for him.
He steps into the shower.
And this once he allows himself to hope.